OBNOXIOUS OWL

TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY PART CENT TRENTE-DEUX

Tammy — Tue, 21 May 2013 12:01:16 +0000

Now listen up! When you like something like say um, cheese. That does not mean that you need to suck the fucking life out of it. You don't have to go out and buy cheese clothes and only listen to cheese music and cop a cheese iPhone cover and only ever listen to cheese and hang out with others who are equally as obsessed. You are going to get cheese fatigue and exhaust the very notion of it and before you know it, you will no longer be excited when you see a smattering of it on your pasta or alternatively, you will end up living in a cheese house and no one will ever visit you except for mice. Of course I am using cheese as a stand in for many other things I could have said and on that note...

Nobody needs 457 pairs of sneakers.

Remember to laugh at yourself because you are pretty hilarious.

'Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better' - as someone once said.

Be careful going around calling people a racist. A racist almost always has malicious intent. Usually, people are not racist. They are prejudice. And this prejudice is usually derived from somewhere, usually ignorance but also sometimes anger. That knee jerk reaction will just kick you in the face.

Who likes drugs?! Go easy on them, OK? It is the element of danger that makes them so much fun but be aware that, that element is there.

If you use your phone while you are in the bath or eat soup while you are on your computer you are basically begging the world to fuck with you.

Quit harping on about 'being humble' and 'feeling inspired' and actually act like you have some fucking humility and show that you've been inspired! Actions speak louder than words! Do you kids just ignore all the cliches these days? Is that where we're at?

He isn't calling, texting, facebook messaging, emailing, liking your instagram photos, liking your facebook photos, retweeting you, @'ing you or acknowledging your 'online presence' because he DOES NOT WANT TO. Move on please. Just.move.the.fuck.on.

How about you have a real life conversation with a friend and you both keep your phones in your bag for one whole hour?

PRIVATE EYES

Tammy — Tue, 21 May 2013 07:24:51 +0000

THE I TIME I WENT ON A DATE WITH A 35 YR OLD VIRGIN

Tammy — Mon, 20 May 2013 07:29:45 +0000

READ IT NOW ON ACCLAIMMAG.COM

TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY PART CENT TRENTE ET UN

Tammy — Thu, 16 May 2013 11:36:56 +0000

Sometimes (or even most times) it is probably in your best interest to remain silent. One often thinks you have to look at the world as though you are watching a movie. Everyone around you are actors telling you a story, and it is your job to be the audience and to do nothing but ponder.

Everyone has an agenda. Nobody does anything without hoping for some kind of result. There is nothing wrong with that but it depends where their agenda stems from. And also, it depends on what a person considers what the definition of 'winning' is.

You should all try to have real plants in your house. Only a bit of Mother Earth could make a dump look cosy.

In life, you will often be distracted from your dreams and sense of self by someone in authority, or someone you actually respect because they have the ability to sway your thinking. It is important to hear them as advice, rather than an order...no matter how bossy they can be. Except of course if it's your boss getting you to do something...such as your job.

We are going too fast. The world is spinning. You do have the ability to slow down though. When you're finished reading this, switch off your computer and go do something else.

Smell the roses.

Girls...if you are feeling tired, unattractive and unenthusiastic about dressing up then you probably need to have some sex. Like you need to be fucked, and you need to be fucked well.

What? You are having sex and you still feel this way? You're doing it wrong.

Put a bit of Malibu in your hot chocolate. Have your winter with a dash of summer.

How old will you have to be to realise that you don't have to do what everyone else is doing? Hmmm?

STACEY Q – TWO OF HEARTS

Tammy — Sun, 12 May 2013 11:52:36 +0000

TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY PART CENT TRENTE

Tammy — Sat, 11 May 2013 02:13:28 +0000

Conversation comes from a dialogue, not a monologue. Stop just waiting for the other person to finish talking just so you can hear the sound of your own voice.

You can't change the way people perceive you. You can't even get angry about it! The issue lies with how you perceive yourself. Don't make your problem someone else's ... if you know what I mean.

Quit being so bossy! You're annoying.

Egg salad i.e. boiled eggs, mayo and cress is a divine thing to put on a freshly toasted bagel. It's retro AND it is tasty...two great things.

When it comes to style, the trick is to be inspired and not a copy cat. Don't be too literal. Literal fashion is tacky and worst of all, it's corny.

#all #those #instagood #instagram #hashtags #underneath #all #your #photos #make #you #look #desperate #for #attention

Act like a lady, think like a man.

If your sheer goal is to become famous then you will probably achieve it.

But happiness will take a little longer.

Every girl needs a red lipstick in the shade that suits her, a good quality black dress, high heels and a good attitude. This way, you will always have something to wear.

dating younger guys

Tammy — Sat, 11 May 2013 01:26:22 +0000

I went on a date with a younger man and I wrote about it for Acclaim Magazine. Read all about it.

CLIENT LIAISON

Tammy — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 09:48:14 +0000

These dapper kids are from Melbourne and I'm feeling the Hell outta them.

CLIENT LIAISON

THE LIES GIRLS TELL THEMSELVES

Tammy — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 08:38:21 +0000

'I don't know if I ever want to get married' - this is a defence mechanism girls use in case they don't and then they come across like it was their decision. It's fine to want to get married, it's not about religion or institution etc etc, it is about love. Yes, love. If it was about anything else but love then the gays don't have a case. And if it is about legal matters such as financially protecting yourself then we wouldn't be so picky, would we? Wanting to get married should be like wanting a Chanel handbag....you might never get it but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.

'I'll just eat this mac and cheese and then I will start my diet in the morning' - Guess what fatty? Tomorrow never comes. The time is now!

'I'm just with him for the sex, I don't want him to be my boyfriend or anything' - You're right, you don't want him to be your boyfriend, but you are happy for him to act like one so you feel comforted while you look for someone who is boyfriend worthy. This is why dudes think we are bitches by the way. We know right from the start that he is not right, but we string him along anyway because it feels nice to have someone who sends you messages and who will fuck you therefore leaving you feel desired and wanted. Look, it's understandable but it is toxic (for you and for him). Hey your self worth called, she is looking for you!

'People need to accept me for me' - Great attitude! Now, if you were less of an asshole then you would feel a lot more accepted. Generally people love different people! Why? Because they are interesting. But if you have zero self awareness, talk about yourself constantly and have more photos that you have taken yourself in your bathroom mirror than you've had hot dinners then chances are you don't really need many friends to tell you how wonderful you are because you are doing a good job of that on your own. Or are you like that because you are trying to convince yourself how wonderful you are? Irony is a beautiful 'ting.

'I am not like most girls' - Yes you are.

'I'm not going to stoop to her level' - You just did.

'What's wrong? Nothing.' - Another reason why guys think we are head cases...passive aggression.

'You're not fat!' - We call ourselves fat out loud all the time and we say 'I have eaten so much junk today' out loud all time and here's the thing: If your friend is obviously not fat...like she weighs less than 75kg and generally eats well then she is saying these things because she is looking for attention and validation. When a chubbier girl, who is blatantly unhappy with the way she looks is saying these things, she is crying out for help. The worst thing you can say to her is that she is not fat and then take her out to dinner to the latest American diner food place to 'cheer her up'. Flip the question the next time she asks if she is fat, ask her 'Do you think you are fat? Are you happy? If not, what are you going to do about it? It's not even about being thin or fat, it is about being happy and comfortable. Some people are chubby and cool with it and that is just fine, while others have emotional relationships with food. If we had a friend who had a drinking or a drug problem, then we would say something. But why not food? Why is this such a sensitive issue? Because if you say something you come across as rude? Well, quite frankly, it's rude not to.

WHO CAN SAY

Tammy — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 13:06:49 +0000