My Wonderful College Life

DEAR GIRL I HOOKED UP WITH LAST WEEKEND

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 16:38:00 -0400

Dear girl I hooked up with last weekend,

I would have appreciated it if you cleaned up the period blood you left all over my sheets before you snuck out in the morning. Thanks for nothing. Bitch.

Dear Agressive Valentines Day Lovers...

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 13:42:00 -0500

Dear Agressive Valentines Day Lovers, (Syracuse University)
Take it easy, this is a public area. The fact that there is a couch in this room does not make it appropriate to start celebrating Valentines Day in front of me.

Dear Syracuse iSchool...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:21:00 -0500

Dear Syracuse iSchool (Syracuse University)
Please stop smelling. You already contribute to so many stereotypes at Syracuse.

Dear Burglers...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:37:00 -0500

Dear Burglers, (Syracuse University)
My car was broken into today, and my cd collection was taken, all except my sisters Justin Beiber cd. While i really hate you, im glad to see that delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music

Dear Unhappy Food Service Employee...

Mon, 28 Nov 2011 13:47:00 -0500

Dear Unhappy Food Service Employee (Syracuse University)
I know its the first day back but please don’t take it out on my sandwich. How am I supposed to eat this mess you angrily slapped together?

Dear Fast Little Asian Kid...

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:07:00 -0500

Dear fast little asian kid, (Whitman College)
I was inside having a very nice time talking to the extremely drunk girl (your friend) who had just turned 21. So when I was talking to your friend and all of the sudden felt something slide out of my sweatshirt’s pocket, I was startled. I looked up and saw you — barely five feet away, and not five seconds post noticing the pick from my pocket — looking at me guiltily and crunching my 16oz. Champagne of Beers, already post-shotgun. The thing is I’m not even mad. How the fuck did you do that?

Dear Stoner Face Painter....

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 01:08:46 -0500

Dear Stoner Face Painter, (Cal State Long Beach)
Even though all your “artwork” is free, still no one wants it. it’s safe to say that your only talent is smoking. are you even a student?.

Dear Creepy Kid Behind Me...

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 01:03:23 -0500

Dear Creepy Kid Behind me, (Syracuse)
I dont know if you thought you where being slick but yes, I did in fact notice you in my periph creeping over my shoulder watching me text. Cut it out, your acting like a future serial rapist and fit the part with that whispy mustache and bowl cut.

Dear Annoying Giggly Girls...

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 00:50:50 -0500

Dear Annoying Giggly Girls, (Syracuse)
Thanks for whispering jokes to each other and giggling every 30 seconds during our hour and a half lecture. Never in my life have I wanted to or thought possible to use a text book as a thrown weapon but you girls deffanilty got close to becoming my first test subjects.

Dear Fat RA...

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 00:33:00 -0500

Dear Fat RA, (Syracuse)
I have never been more happy in my entire life then when I watched you slip on some water in the dinning hall and felt the earth shake. I wish I could relive that moment and hear that incredible noise you made when you hit the ground. Thats what you get for being bitch.

Dear Retarded Stewardess...

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:07:29 -0500

Dear Retarded Stewardess, (Syracuse)
You really suck at your Job, A) I forgave you for ramming me with your push cart once, but twice? really? Im sure my blind friend could push that cart better than you. B) You spilled water on me, A lot of water, and you just looked at me and said “oh darn” and handed me a singular napkin. Thanks for making my first day back to college wonderful.

Dear Orange Fat Girls...

Sun, 10 Jan 2010 18:44:00 -0500

Dear fat orange girls,
I see you with your fake tans and juicy couture terrycloth tracksuits, what the fuck is your problem?

Dear Kind Drug Dealer...

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:46:10 -0500

Dear Kind Drug Dealer, (Cornell)
Thanks for smoking me out on the way to the airport, but I wish you hadnt givin me the good stuff because being so stoned you start to giggle and have a hard time touching the touch screen buttons, and then not knowing what airline to get on, combine to make a really stressful really upsetting ordeal.

Dear Midnight Masturbator...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:21:30 -0500

Dear Midnight Masturbator, (Syracuse)
As I was leaving the dorm last night, I saw you sleeping one of the couches, talking, and with your hands in your pants. Being the scientist I am I decided to stop and observe you. That was until you started to take off your pants and “jerk it” in the dorm lobby. I didnt know this was possible. You should make sure you fall asleep in your own room from now on, I am pretty sure you can get arrested for that.

Dear Loud Love Makers...

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:22:37 -0500

Dear Loud Love Makers, (Syracuse)
Can you guys keep it down, you woke everyone on our floor and attracted an audience of at least 15 people who stood around your door laughing.

Dear Cocky Guido...

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:18:44 -0500

Dear Cocky Guido, (Syracuse)
When you asked that kid if he wanted to fight, I bet you weren’t expecting him say ok. Did you just stand there as he socked you one because you where shocked he called your bluff, or has the hair bleach effected your ability to think.

Dear Tanquery Girl...

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:13:21 -0500

Dear Tanquery Girl, (Syracuse)
Next time you start Calling me a piece of shit, and an asshole, make sure your not mistaking me for someone else.

Dear Popped Collar Jerk...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:27:00 -0500

Dear Popped Collar Jerk, (Long Beach City College)
When I was skating at school and fell backwards of my skate board, I looked to you to save me from the huge group of cackling black girls. Did you? No, you decided the appropriate action was to say “smooth move” and laugh at me. Thanks you ugly, popped collar, mongoloid.

Dear Idiot Keg Stand Girl...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:06:24 -0500

Dear Idiot Keg Stand Girl, (Cal Berkley)
Next time you do a keg stand don’t pick the two most inebriated guys at the party to hold you up. I don’t think your missing tooth appreciated it to much.

Dear Tuna Roomate...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:00:00 -0500