The body has disappeared. There is no smoking gun. There is a distinct lack of witnesses. And nobody’s talking.

Whatever happened to the Dell Zino?

You may remember that in November of 2009, Dell churned out a somewhat bloated copy of the Mac mini. One of its dubious claims to fame was its selection of colorful lids. (Odd, considering that this device wasn’t to be carried around and shown off like a laptop.)

Of course, there is nothing unusual about a computer being pulled from the market. With scores of PCs being introduced every year, scores must die to make room.

What is unusual is for a computer to suddenly disappear — along with most of the evidence that it ever existed.

For the fun of it, my inner investigative journalist dived into this story, eager to understand what tragedy had befallen our dearly departed. But for the most part, I came up empty.

I started by searching the Dell site. Nothing very Zino-ish, other than a bunch of memory modules for the Zino you already own. (Assuming that ninjas haven’t stolen it in the night.)

I asked a Dell sales rep via email: “Is Zino still available, and if not, do you have similar models?” The answer: ”Zino is no longer available. We have no similar models.”

Surely the Internet would yield some clues. But no luck. All I could dig up were a few meager comments on a scattering of blogs from people wondering why Zino wasn’t on the Dell site anymore. Zino’s exit seems to have generated about as much interest as its entrance.

At that point, I gave up. If anyone has any real information on what happened to Zino and why, it would be interesting to hear. Otherwise, we’ll just have to file Zino away with other Dell ideas that copied Apple’s innovations, only to be quietly escorted out the back door. Like the Streak tablet and super-thin Adamo laptop.

The moral of this story, of course, is that originality sells better than imitation. Clearly Dell has some work to do in the fresh thinking department.

However, it’s not all bad news for our friends at Dell:

They may not be very good at creating magic — but they’re getting incredibly good at making things disappear.

In other news: My book, Insanely Simple, made it to the New York Times Best Seller list in its very first week. A huge thanks to all of you for your support!

As you are no doubt aware, the Apple crowd picks up on things quickly. The buzz was so good, my book hit #75 on Amazon on the first day. I’m truly thankful to all who were interested enough to actually hit the Buy button.

Launch day started with an appearance on CNBC’s Squawk Box. Only problem was that I had to be at the CNBC studios in NJ at 6:00 am — which meant being up at 4:00. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve seen that hour in 20 years. There’s no prep at all for these things. You show up, they plunk you down in a chair and start counting down from five. Suddenly you’re on live TV. But the way this show works — with three talkative hosts — I quickly felt at ease. It felt kind of like sitting in a living room talking with friends. See this segment here. (But to get the full effect, set your alarm for 6:00 am and then watch it.)

On the following day, I was on Bloomberg’s show In The Loop. (See that here.) It’s interesting the way they shuffle guests in and out without missing a beat. Live TV really is like walking a high wire, and these news shows have it down to a science. Second by second, things happen with incredible accuracy.

The reviews of Insanely Simple have almost all been very positive. My favorites so far have been The Boston Globe, MacStories and The Verge. That last one is quite thoughtful, containing both praise and criticism. Well written.

Just this morning a story went up on The Fiscal Times. This is more of an interview than a book review, and it’s one of my favorite articles so far. It perfectly captures the reasons I wrote the book and puts the concept of simplicity in its proper context.

I had a good time doing a couple of podcasts, which you can find on iTunes. Search for Cult of Mac’s CultCast #10 (12 Years With Steve); and Your Mac Life for its April 25th podcast.

I’ve been doing a lot of radio shows too. Just yesterday I was a guest on the Brian Lehrer show on WNYC.

This is all really just the tip of the iceberg. There’s been much more, and there’s more to come. Later this month, I’ll be heading out to Japan and the UK for a series of events in those countries.

Anything I wish I’d done differently? Absolutely. At times, part of me wishes I could have a complete do-over. Between the writing of the book itself and the explaining of the book afterward, there is much for a first-timer to learn. Although most have understood the point of my book, one has no control over what people write. One article headlined the fact that I thought Apple’s marketing will suffer without Steve Jobs (which I never said), and that the Jeff Goldblum campaign introducing iMac was a mistake (which I also never said). Those things can be frustrating.

If you’re interested in joining the discussion about the book, or keeping up with the articles, just hit the Like button over at my Facebook author page. That way, you’ll get updates in your newsfeed. You might also sign up for my newsletter over there in the sidebar.

Once again, a huge thanks to all of you for your interest and support.

Credit: Tweet from Jason Prell

I once knew a keyboard player who put black tape over the huge YAMAHA that faced the audience when he played his synthesizer on stage.

He even wrote Yamaha a letter saying that if they wanted him to advertise their company when he played, they’d have to pay him a fee.

Thirty years later, he’s still waiting for a response.

That’s the way I’ve always felt about the default email signatures that ship with smartphones and tablets these days.

“Sent from my iPhone” is fairly harmless. However, I don’t feel the need to give Apple a free ride on every email I send. (By now, I imagine my friend has sent Apple a letter as well.)

Whatever, these default signatures are now commonplace. And just as the socks we choose to wear say something about us, these signatures say something about the companies that put them there. Or, in some cases, the multiple companies who put them there.

See Exhibit A above.

This is the email signature that comes standard on a new Samsung phone. It’s unintentionally hilarious — the combined effort of Samsung and AT&T. This is probably more of a billboard than an email signature. But even as a billboard it fails — because rather than say something simple, it’s stuffed to the gills with everything that might impress a recipient.

This is not only a violation of the rules of simplicity, it’s unenlightened and tacky.

Even the lawyers get to join in the fun. The trademarks are all in place, just to make sure that (a) we aren’t tempted to steal the product names, and (b) the email signature looks as ugly as possible.

Advertising issues aside, there is simply a good taste issue here. Though I don’t love what Apple has done, at least it is done with taste. “Sent from my iPhone” is simple and unobtrusive. No trademarks. No promo of AT&T or Verizon. It simply identifies the device you’re using. (And gives you an out for all those device-induced typos.)

One of the lures of Android is that it is open, and that the carriers are free to customize it as they please — which AT&T has obviously done here.

The result is just another example of advertising pollution. A marketing department sees a new place to put some words, and they stuff it to the gills simply because they can. They’re incapable of distilling a message to its essence.

Thankfully, none of us have to participate in this nonsense. We’re all free to alter our default email signatures. We can rip them out altogether, or take the opportunity to show the world how amusing we can be.

“Sent by carrier pigeon” is a personal favorite. But if you have a better one, I’d be happy to steal it.

Apple has always had a talent for creating great advertising. It’s one of the few companies on earth who can claim great ads as part of its heritage. In fact, it’s one of the few companies whose personality has largely been sculpted by its ads, going all the way back to the beginning.

That’s what happens when your CEO has a passion for marketing.

However, Apple is only human — which is a double-edged sword. Though Apple loves to keep surprising us with creativity, it is sometimes hesitant to rock the boat when things are going well. iPhone ads, for example, fell into a comfortable format for at least a couple of years. Mostly, we’d see a hand holding an iPhone taking us through a parade of apps. The ads were clear and effective — but they weren’t of the “wow, did you see that ad last night?” variety.

Thankfully, Siri helped juice up iPhone’s ad presence. With apps fading as a competitive advantage (Apple has more, but Android users don’t feel deprived), Apple suddenly had a game-changing new feature to show off. These ads have also been clear and effective — and wow-inducing at the same time.

Now it’s time for a new wave of iPhone ads. Siri is still the hot feature, so will Apple give us more of the same? Well, yes and no. We still see Siri in action, complete with screen shots, but this time Apple is doing something it hasn’t done for a while. It’s using celebrities. And it works really, really well.

Interestingly, these celebrities actually make the spots more human and relevant — which celebrities often don’t do. Whereas the previous Siri spots showed us a random collection of actors calling upon Siri in a variety of unrelated clips, the new ads focus on how one person might use Siri in his or her daily life.

Granted, we’re not looking at reality. Somehow I doubt that Samuel L. Jackson actually walks around his house conversing with Siri like this. If he does, I feel great sorrow for him. But hey, this is advertising. It’s supposed to make a point memorably, and these new spots do that — with great effectiveness. The second spot, featuring Zooey Deschanel, works in much the same way, summoning Zooey’s quirky adorableness. (See that here.)

Kudos to Apple for stepping up its iPhone game, and for not shunning celebrities just because they’re too expected or too easy. The celebrities Apple has chosen are actually quite unexpected, and tell a story remarkably well.

Note that Apple is not hiring a celebrity spokesperson to become the face of iPhone, appearing in ad after ad. It is using celebrities in a one-time fashion, with each one contributing to a larger idea. It’s a very “Apple” way to take advantage of celebrity stopping power as it tells its own unique story.

It remains to be seen whether this is the entirety of the new iPhone effort, or there will be more spots to come. It could very well be that the reaction to these spots will determine that.

For those so disposed, it creates a fun guessing game. What other celebrities out there would have the coolness or quirkiness to best deliver the iPhone message?

Writing my book Insanely Simple (coming April 26th) stirred up quite a few memories for me — not all of which fit the theme of the book. So I’m sharing some of those here. (They show up a little earlier over at my Facebook page — just click on “Insanely Secret.” In fact a new one is going up today…)

It’s getting to be ancient history now, but some of you may remember the 1999 TBS production called Pirates of Silicon Valley. The movie was about the early days of Apple and Microsoft, and the evolution of the relationship between Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. Excellent subject matter, but clearly “made for TV” quality.

When the project got the green light, Steve was clearly excited. He shared the news with us at one of our regular agency meetings. He was especially thrilled that the role of himself was going to be played by Noah Wyle. At the time, Noah was flying high as part of the cast of the hit show ER.

As one might expect, the movie didn’t make Steve out to be the world’s nicest guy. One particularly bad moment was based on a story that’s floated around for years. The scene took place one day when Steve walked into a room where a job candidate was being interviewed. Steve immediately pegged hinm as an IBM-type and then, for whatever reason, blindsided him with the question “Are you a virgin?” Even worse, he kept pounding away at it, making the candidate more and more uncomfortable. At least this was the way it played out in the movie.

Some months later, preparations were underway for the next Macworld show, which was to be held in the NY Javits Center. One night, Steve called and told me he had a great idea for a way to open the show. He was going to get Noah Wyle to walk on stage and pretend to be him.

Steve had the physical part all figured out — he’d give Noah the black turtleneck, gray New Balances, even duplicate glasses from his personal eyeglass-maker. What he wanted from me was a script. What exactly should Noah say when he walks onstage? How would Steve join in?

I sent a script to Steve the following day. He liked it all, but he was especially fond of the ending. In the script, Steve would thank Noah for coming to Macworld, Noah would walk off stage to applause, but then stop as if he were suddenly remembering something. He’d then turn back to Steve to ask one final question: “Oh, Steve. Are you still a virgin?”

Steve didn’t make a single change to the script, but he did have one question: should it be “Are you a virgin” or “Are you still a virgin”?

“Hey, I don’t know,” I replied. “You’re the one who said it! What exactly did you say?”

Steve’s response surprised me. “No, that’s just it. I never said anything. This never happened — it’s all made up.”

So there you have it. It was all a lie. Granted, Steve wasn’t exactly under oath when he offered this testimony, but he did deny it emphatically. Maybe one day we’ll get a rebuttal from an eyewitness to the event.

Epilogue: We ended up going with “Are you still a virgin,” even though it didn’t exactly match the movie version. And one thing we learned by watching Steve’s performance — although the man was a genuine visionary, his acting skills left a bit to be desired.

My book, Insanely Simple, will be shipping right on schedule in less than three weeks. April 26th, to be exact.

In case you haven’t heard, the book is about how Apple’s focus on simplicity has helped shape every aspect of the company. It’s based on my own experiences as an ad agency creative director, working with Steve Jobs, Apple and some of its competitors. (See my earlier article for more about the book.)

Pre-orders have been terrific. But I have to ask myself: what kind of ad man would I be if I didn’t come up with some kind of “special offer” to lure a few more into pre-ordering before launch day?

Buy five, get one free? Nah. Free iPad with every purchase? Tempting.

No, wait, I’ve got it. How about a free chapter, no strings attached?

Just click on the book cover above to access the 11-page introduction to Insanely Simple.

This will give you a much better idea what the book is about, and and help you decide if you can endure my writing for more than a single blog post.

Hope you like it.

To get my infrequent-yet-informative Insanely Simple newsletter, sign up over there in the sidebar. To join the Insanely Simple conversation (and read some “secret stories”), come on over to my Facebook page. And, if you care to buy the book, you’ll find all the links you need here. Thanks, all.

Thanks to Intel, “a new era of computing” has arrived.

No more thick, heavy laptops. No more clunky design. This is the dawn of the “ultrabook”: super-thin, super-light and beautifully sculpted.

It’s a bold claim and a fantastic idea, except that it ignores one obvious fact:

The Intel era of ultrabooks looks exactly like the Apple era of MacBook Air, which began four years ago.

It’s particularly interesting because MacBook Air has actually been running on an Intel processor all this time. And PC companies have in fact dabbled in the super-thin space before, though they haven’t had much luck.

What’s really different this time is that Intel has packaged the technology, trademarked the word “ultrabook” and made it all available to their PC partners. No need for any of them to worry about all that messy “innovation” stuff. Now they can just start churning out MacBook Air lookalikes, with Intel supporting their efforts with a huge ad campaign.

Intel’s “new era” will be all around us. Not just on TV, but in print and on billboards, with such headlines as ”Mastadons. Dodos. Bulky laptops.” And “So futuristic, it will even seem futuristic in the future.” Clearly this new era in computing didn’t come with a new era in writing.

Intel’s press release makes a very big deal about the scope of this campaign. They’re spending “hundreds of millions,” making it Intel’s biggest advertising push since Centrino in 2003. The commercial above, called Desperado, is the first of three big productions that will be rolled out in the coming weeks. While they were shooting the commercials, they shot extra footage to be integrated into their web pages. Great idea. Obviously lots of thinking went into this.

Since I’m in the business, I try to be understanding about the challenges faced by the creative teams. Since I once worked with Intel’s agency, I’m sensitive to the fact that Intel is not an easy client. They have systems in place that influence the quality of their ads, and I don’t mean in a good way.

I’m also a bit tainted when it comes to Old West commercials, since I just finished working on one for JCPenney with Ellen DeGeneres. When you recreate another era like this, a hundred decisions contribute to the overall tone. JCPenney happily agreed with our dark and dirty vision. Intel’s world is sanitized. Their scary guys aren’t very scary, looking more like soap-opera actors picking up some cash on the side. Bottom line: it feels a lot like an ad. Or, more accurately, an ad with a gaggle of approvers worried about tainting Intel’s image.

It’s also interesting to note the irony of this commercial. Intel must show the monstrosities as a counterpoint to the gorgeous new ultrabooks — and in the real world, these blights on computing are all powered by Intel.

These observations, of course, come from the picky ad guy inside of me. I imagine that mainstream viewers will follow the story, have a chuckle or two, and get the whole “new era in computing” idea. That’s an extremely loose interpretation of  ”new,” but forgivable by most advertising standards.

More disturbing, if you believe in a little thing called truth in advertising, are the very last words in the commercial:

Ultrabook. Inspired by Intel.

Uh … inspired by who?

Most of you are familiar with Apple’s The Crazy Ones commercial that launched the Think different campaign. And you’re probably aware that Richard Dreyfuss was chosen to read the script. But that decision wasn’t made until the last moment. A week or two earlier, during one of our regular agency meetings with Steve Jobs, the topic of choosing a voice came up.

After we tossed out some possibilities, Steve said, “I’ve got one for you, but it’s going to sound a little strange. Ready for this? It’s Phyllis Diller.”

No, I wasn’t ready for that. But there did turn out to be some logic to it. At that time, Pixar was developing its second movie, A Bug’s Life, and Phyllis Diller had been cast to play the role of the Queen Ant. Steve had heard some of her takes and thought she had a “unique” voice. He made it clear that he wasn’t pushing. He just thought the idea was odd enough that we might want to check it out.

So we added Phyllis to our list. Flash forward a few days to a recording studio in LA. We scheduled one full day to record all of our candidates, which included Richard Dreyfuss, Peter Gallagher, Sally Kellerman, Mark Fenske—and now, Phyllis Diller. (As you probably know, we also recorded a Steve Jobs version, but that was done on a different day, up in Cupertino.) In a weird way, I was looking forward to Phyllis, only because she and Apple would be such a strange matchup. I thought she was old about 20 years earlier, so I could only imagine what she’d be like now.

Right on time, Phyllis appeared at the door. She was old enough that she had an assistant to help keep her upright as she made it into the waiting room. Interestingly, the assistant didn’t seem any younger than the boss, so it took the duo some time to reach the couch.

My producer and I gave Phyllis a warm greeting, thanking her profusely for coming by. I told her that Steve Jobs himself had recommended her for the role, and that tickled her. I gave her a copy of the script and left her alone for a while. When I returned, she was gushing wildly over the words. “This is beautiful! This is poetry! I love this!” I couldn’t have asked for a more enthusiastic voiceover talent.

We invited her into the studio, where we shared the unfinished version of The Crazy Ones and let her hear the emotional soundtrack that had been written for it. Her reaction to the video and music was even more over-the-top than her reaction to the script. She thought it was inspiring and beautiful, and she was eager to get started.

Phyllis made her way into the sound booth to prepare for her first take. The opening strings of the soundtrack kicked in. She closed her eyes, absorbing it all as she prepared to speak. But she didn’t speak—she screeched. Loudly. In her zaniest voice she yelled: “HERE’S TO THE CRAZY ONES! THE MISFITS! THE REBELS!…” And so it went for the entirety of the script.

Those first syllables practically knocked us off our chairs. The volume was unexpected, as was the wildness of her read. What made it so shocking was that this outburst followed a moment when she was so appreciative of the “poetry” she would be reading. We politely let her finish, and then I went into the sound booth to offer a few suggestions.

I was respectful, as I would be with any voiceover talent. I honestly thought she might simply have misunderstood. I told her it was great, but “let’s try another one that’s a little quieter. Maybe just a little more from the heart.”

“Sure, I understand,” said Phyllis. “Let’s try it.”

I returned to my chair on the other side of the glass, where our producer and engineer were still recovering from Phyllis’s first take. “Take two,” said the engineer. The music swelled once again. We could see Phyllis concentrating as she inwardly rehearsed her new approach. And then the thunder was once again unleashed: “HERE’S TO THE CRAZY ONES! THE MISFITS! THE REBELS!…” It was a carbon-copy of the first take. It was as if she were trying to perform for a crowd at Dodger Stadium without a microphone.

So once again, I joined Phyllis in the sound booth, wondering how I might cajole her into a different read. “That was great, Phyllis,” I fibbed. “I think we have that angle covered. But we’re also thinking maybe we could try a quieter version, more like we’re talking now.” The flashbulb seemed to go off for her. “Ohhhh, I see,” she said. “Of course, just make it more conversational.”

“Exactly,” I said.

I returned to the control room, we all took our positions, and again the engineer cued the music. And once again the earth rocked: “HERE’S TO THE CRAZY ONES!…” Another identical performance. She must have thought she was being paid by the decibel.

Phyllis Diller did an amazing job in her Queen Ant role. She was unexpectedly perfect for it. But for our particular need — let’s just say she wasn’t exactly the poetic speaker we were hoping for. I did try one more time to get her to read more quietly. “Maybe we could try one that’s almost more of a whisper?” I suggested. But she had to draw a line somewhere. “That’s not what I do,” she said.

Phyllis was really sweet and funny, and super-friendly for the length of her visit, so we enthusiastically thanked her for coming in and promised to let her know when the decision was made. (Cool idea, Steve, but it didn’t quite pan out.)

One of the greatest regrets of my advertising life is that I never got a copy of Phyllis’s performance. Somewhere, in a nondescript storage box, on a dusty basement shelf, I’m sure it still exists. Since the version recorded with Steve Jobs was ultimately retrieved and made public, I’ll cross my fingers that one day the world gets to hear the Phyllis Diller version.

Just don’t expect it to have quite the same emotional effect.

Most of these cases are easy to dismiss. Suing Apple is great sport, and I imagine Apple has teams of lawyers whose full-time job is fending off nuisance lawsuits.

However, in this case, it’s hard not to wonder if some judge or jury might actually come down on the plaintiffs’ side.

Putting aside the fact that a number of people have been grumbling about Siri’s performance of late, Apple would seem to be walking a tightrope when they put together a legal argument.

On one hand, they can say “Hey, we said from the start that Siri is a beta product. Obviously it’s not perfect yet.” On the other hand, they launched iPhone 4S with a major national ad campaign featuring Siri, and have been running the ads ever since.

There’s no difference between the way Apple has presented the beta Siri to the public and the way it has introduced any new feature in previous products. Clearly it considers Siri to be the main feature of iPhone 4S. The ads show Siri in its best possible light and never mention that it’s a beta.

Those who follow Apple news are certainly aware of Siri’s beta status. The other 90% of the world isn’t. Honestly, if I were sitting on a jury, I’d have to do some serious thinking on that.

Forgetting the legal issues, it’s an interesting and unique case for Apple. Maybe I’m missing something obvious, but I don’t recall any product or feature in Apple’s history that was released as a beta, and was simultaneously advertised so heavily.

Can a company present a feature as a product’s main attraction, and then claim “it’s just a beta” when it gets sued?

Keep in mind that Apple hasn’t officially taken that position yet. Who knows what their defense will ultimately be. The case is young, and the lawyers may still be busy devising a legal strategy.

“Siri, find me a good argument.”

A few weeks ago, I put up an article about the lack of headlines in Apple’s most recent outdoor ads. There were some strong opinions on both sides, for and against headlines.

With its latest iCloud commercial (above), Apple has now expanded the wordless approach to TV. This ad gives us a series of shots in which an action taken on one Apple device is instantly reflected on another. (At least we think it’s instant — there is no real reference to the timeframe.)

Thank you, Apple, for giving us the perfect A/B test. The new iCloud ad actually tells the identical story we got in the previous iCloud ad. The only real difference is the absence of a voiceover to explain things. Here’s the previous ad:

So what works best? Words or no words?

In this case, I’m of the mind that words win. Handily. This previous iCloud ad is 100% crystal clear. There isn’t a viewer on earth who wouldn’t get it in a second.

The new iCloud ad starts out clear — a photo on the iPhone appears on other devices. But as the pace picks up, it turns into a lot of things on a lot of screens. Without the narration, there’s a lot of pressure on the final title screen to sum it all up: Automatic. Everywhere. iCloud. It’s debatable how well that line even works.

Even if you are personally of the mind that this isn’t brain surgery, and that anyone of reasonable intelligence would get the point — take a look at both in succession right now. It’s unimaginable that anyone could misunderstand the value of iCloud in the older ad. It’s easy to imagine people missing the message in the new one. If you look away for just a few seconds, the story is lost.

I totally get why Apple does things like this. It’s minimalism, it’s cutting the story down to its essence, it’s trying to make the message as simple as possible. It’s a noble effort.

A picture really is worth a thousand words — but sometimes it helps to hear just a few of them.