I was recently interviewed by Cindy Goodman of the Miami Herald for an article. See a PDF version of the article by going to this link

The Heart of The Matter

Enjoy

Ernest

Gentlemen, have you ever asked a woman for a date and had her reply, “But I don’t know you?”

Ladies, have you been asked for date and replied, “But I don’t know you?”

It is in the nature of most men and women to say this.  This response is a phenomenon generated subconsciously and intuitively. The reason is that the woman who responded; “But I don’t know you” wants to be sure that she is going to be dating the right man. Often when a date goes well it leads into a relationship, and many women tell us that they go into a relationship hoping it will lead into marriage. What is going on inside the woman is that her soul does not want her heart to be broken by dating or by entering into a relationship with the wrong person. Her soul wants her to make sure she is going to be dating the right man.   In need of  assurance, she may say, “But I don’t know you”.

To emphasize the importance of this to the three-step process to find true love successfully, did you know that in January of 2014 research conducted by Harris Interactive found that 77% of women were willing to research the men they had considering dating just so that they knew whether they were making a safe decision? On the other hand, 66% of men were also willing to research the women they met.

To attain successful love you need to:

Listen for KEY WORDS that will let you know that he or she is the right one

Next, get assurance that the two of you are meant for each other

Lastly, no relationship offers 100% of what both partners need to start with. Add what is missing and the love relationship will become complete.

What key words do you need to listen for?

How do you get assurance?

How do you figure out what you need to add to the love relationship to make it complete?

Find all that in our book “Do’s and Don’ts of relationships: Nine Steps to a deeper, Richer Love relationship”

 To return to out home page, click here.

On Valentine’s day 2014, give her the “WOW FACTOR”. How do you accomplish that? .  Traditionally, many men usually turn to one or two of the ideas. They buy her a box of chocolate, take her to a nice restaurant for dinner, or give her flowers. Some men do both; give her flowers along with a box of chocolate. For others, they give the woman flowers and a card or send both flowers and chocolate. While these gift ideas are okay, they can be boring. For 2014, consider this 2014 Valentine’s day idea.

Create a perfect Valentine’s Day

This year abandon old traditions and do something to sweep her off her feet? We have just the perfect Valentine’s Day gift idea for you. What is it? Well, people remember important occasions forever. The secret to sweeping her of her feet is to create a lasting memory that will make her remember you every time. Creating memories on Valentines Day has far more impact that the actual gift you give your significant other. That is how to create a perfect Valentines Day.

Drive Her Wild with Anticipation

This first step is drive her wild with anticipation so that you can get her to think about you every single minute for weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day. Tell her that you have an important surprise for her that will absolutely blow her away. This promise will keep her guessing what this important surprise is. Right there, you have taken control over her mind. That is part of the trick. While you go between her waiting for this meal and the kitchen, don’t tell her what you are making. Let her promise you that she will not come into the kitchen. She will be torn between wanting to watch you cook but not being allowed to. You can only imagine what will be going through her mind. But don’t keep her waiting long.  That is all part of the trick.

To speed up the cooking, I will pass some of my professional chef/relationship expert tips on to you. Precook your vegetables, get your sauce and dessert ready a day before or earlier that day.  When the time comes, all you have to do is cook the meat, reheat the vegetables in a little stock flavored with butter and make sure the dessert is ready in the fridge.

Create Valentine’s Day Memory

Women in relationships love to see their men cook for them. Create a Valentine’s Day memory by coming up with a dish and naming it after her. For example, in the olden days, it was not uncommon for a dish to be named after a very important person. Here are two example, Tournedo Rossini-which is meat dish made with beef tender loins- as well as Peach Betty which is dessert. In this case, the important person is your significant other or a love interest.  Tournedo is made from the very best cut of beef-what is call tender lion.

I am using Tournedo as an example. You can use your favourite recipe and modify it or better yet, just create one. For example, you may add Tiger prawns, lobster meat or even two shelled lobster claws forming a arch mounted on top of the beef and then name the dish after your sweet heart. For example, if her name is Alexander, you could name the dish Tornado Princess Alexander- and this will be a dish just for her.

To prove your eternal love and commitment to her, you will never reveal or share the recipe with anyone. Not even when your life depends on it. If it is a dessert you wish to create and name after her, take for example Peach Betty. You could remove the peach and replace it with an apple. If your sweetheart’s name is Brandy, you name the dessert Apple Brandy. This is how you wow her by creating a dish and naming it after her. This is how you would create a Valentine ’s Day memory that she will remember forever.

When you have captured the true essence of Valentines Day by creating a dish and naming it after her, then you have created an unforgettable Valentine’s Day memory

Learn more about our love success books, please go here

When we think about Valentines, we often think about partners or singles trying to woo a love interested with flowers and chocolate.  But Valentine’s Day is as much for marriage couples as it is for singles pursing a love interest or partner planning a special evening for their loved ones.

Leave behind old traditions and do something unique for your sweetheart that says “You are my everything”.

Here are four suggestions that works well for couples with or without children.

Valentine’s Day Idea 2014 for Couples:  Tip # One

On Valentine’s Day, if you decide to go out for dinner and you have young children take them with you. While the idea may sound unappealing, taking your kids with is will add importance to the valentine’s celebration.  Kids need to see how their father treats their mother on Valentines so that they can learn from it.

Valentine’s Day Idea 2014 for Couples:  Tip # Two

What if your child is just a few months old? Consider asking family a relative to come and babysit so that you and your significant other can go out and enjoy yourselves.

Valentine’s Day Idea 2014 for Couples:  Tip # Three

What if you want to stay home? There is nothing wrong with staying home on Valentine. I recommend that the man create a special meal or dessert and name if after the woman. Why? Because women love it when their men cook for them. In addition, this idea works well when it is the man naming cooking and naming the dish after his lady.

How about a gift idea from the woman to the man?: Tip # 4

The above are simple tips you can work with that will make a real difference and leave lasting good impressions on your significant other.

To learn how about how to find your true love, please go here

Have you ever been in love just to see that relationship slip through your hands?  Too often, it is not enough to expect  love success just because you are in love with another person.   The feelings associated with falling in love, hearing wedding bells, and envisioning the piano playing “Here comes the bride” can be overwhelming. At times these feelings can curtail a person’s ability to think in a reasonable fashion.

Love relationship

To work, love relationships need to be approached with the right perspective from the beginning? which is? rational rather than clouded by emotions? Just like most things, if a relationship is not working, it can be refreshed. There is nothing sadder than investing in a relationship or marriage just to see it turn sour at the end.

There is an old saying: “A person cannot give an orange if the person does not have an orange to give.” In relationship terms, a person cannot offer you something he or she does not have to offer you no matter how often you profess your love for the person. True love can be found only within a man or a woman who has in  them to give to give to each other.  When two people belong with one another, they will have this love to offer each other. This mutual love and belonging is referred to as being soulmates. A soulmate relationship is different from wanting to be with a person out of love alone.

Why Love fails

Often people feel they are in love with another person, thus their love alone warrants a relationship or marriage. To love a person enough to want to spend the rest of one’s life with them is great. The question is, should relationships be based on just how one side feels about the other? Another question arises. There are times when a man and woman may love each other very deeply, but do their feelings for each other warrant a love relationship or marriage?

There is love in everyone. The feeling of wanting to share this love with the opposite sex is genetic. The secret is to understand that although one person may love the other, or two people may love each other, they still may not be right for each other. When two people are not right for each other but try to become lovers based on their feelings alone, is it any different from taking something that does not belong to you just because you feel you like it?

When you take something that is not rightfully yours, it’s possible you might try too hard so you can hang on to it. Relationships are no different. To explain the analogy, when you take something that belongs to you, it’s possible you will do very little to hang on to it. Why? Because what you have taken is yours. Does it make sense? Think about it this way: when someone steals something, the person will try all sort of ways to hide it so the rightful owner cannot find it. Whereas if the thief didn’t steal but took something for himself that he already owned, he would have no cause for concern.

Love is beautiful

We all have love to give and love is beautiful.  In using love to enhance or to influence relationship, the love needs to be shared by two people who belong with each other. This way there is a balance. These two people are soulmates. A soulmate relationship is different from wanting to be with a person out of love alone. In soulmate love relationships, because the partners belong with one another, they have no fear that one partner will be stolen by a new lover. Soulmates belong with each other, thus they do not hide things from each other or do out of their way trying to hang on to each other. Soulmates do very little to sustain their relationship. This is because they have a unique bond.

Soulmates are very secure together. They tend to naturally trust each other. In their relationship there is no cause for jealousy, mistrust, control, dishonesty, and so forth. Soulmates do not to accept each other on the bases of material acquisitions. They never get tired of each other. My research has found that even their voices are therapeutic for one another, calming each other down naturally. The health benefits alone for those in soulmate love relationships are more than words can describe. For example, some researchers have found that soulmates live longer and happier than those in a non-soulmate love relationship.

There is more to soulmates than meets the eye. In order for two people to come to the conclusion they are soulmates, each of them needs to confirm this on their own, without one manipulating the other partner into believing he or she has received a confirmation. Loving feelings between soulmates are far beyond the love that most men and women experience in their love relationships. In some cases this loving feeling is described as being so strong at times it makes your heart feel as though it is going to burst.

Soulmates are found in and between all cultures but not every culture values soulmate love relationships. For example, as I researched this topic, I discovered that in cultures such as that of the Japanese, it is not uncommon for a woman in relationship with her soulmate to purposely break off the relationship for personal and self-serving reasons. In my interviews with Japanese women, they explained that the love between soulmates is so strong that it hurts them too much when their boyfriend hurts. To not feel hurt when their boyfriend feels hurt, they would rather leave him. One may think, why would anyone walk away from their soulmate? As this example illustrates, different cultures see and understand love differently.

Soulmates are men and women who belong with one another. Yet the term is much misunderstood. The popular press often tells us of men and women, the rich and the famous, all claiming to have found their soulmate. We hear about movie actors and other singles who claim likewise, but within months, sometimes weeks, their relationship comes crashing down. In some case the end result can be bitterness, depending on what one partner may have given up to acquire the relationship or lost in the relationship.

To avoid such a result, it is absolutely critical that you understand what love is, what a soulmate is, what make two people soulmates, how to get a confirmation that you are with the right person, and so forth. These things you must know are very simple, yet knowing them is the best way to find that special someone. To forgo this knowledge and its application is a blueprint for constant failed relationships as well as marriages that end in divorce. In researching soulmate love relationships, I have found that love alone is not enough to make a love relationship work. The partners must also be soulmates.

It’s critical not to confuse infatuation with soulmate feelings. It is also important to evaluate one’s health, well-being, happiness, and so forth, then decide what steps need to be taken to achieve happiness. In this world, nothing good comes easy or free. I suggest the following steps to achieve happiness and a lasting soulmate relationship:

- Invest the time to select the right mate.

- Invest spiritually to recognize that the person you are with is that special someone.

- Invest in your relationship intelligence by attending courses or reading books about relationships and how to make them work.

Such investments will reap lasting benefits. Above all, they will help you avoid the emotional pain and heartache from unsuitable relationships, breakups and failed marriages that men and women put themselves through for temporal acceptance. Finding and recognizing your soulmate is a sure way to find that eternal love that most men and women only dream off. You are here to succeed in your love life. The ch

Please post your comment under this week’s post for approval.

Good Luck,

Ernest.

 This week’s  topic.

What not to do when it hurts!

What should you do when someone you loved hurts you? All relationships come with their challenges and problems. No matter how careful your significant other is or has been, at some point in the relationship his or her words or actions, whether  intentional or unintentional, will hurt. No pain is as excruciating as that caused by someone you share your hurt with.  When this happens, what do you do? Seek revenge, ignore the person, or break up?

Wait! Take a couple of days to calm down. Go to the person and tell him or her you want to discuss an important matter.  Proceed to tell that person how his or her words or actions made you feel. Believe me, sometimes those you love can hurt you and not even realize it.  A conversation about it allows the person to realize what he or she has done and to offer you an apology.

As the offender, it  is not a good idea to bring back the past by saying things like, “Well, you hurt me the other day and you did not apologize. So, why should I apologize to you?”

Apology or no apology, all you have to do is forgive the person who hurt you to  see the pain melt away.

Forgiving the offender will bring you peace. The more you dwell on what your loved one has done to hurt you, the more you will hurt. Unwillingness to forgive and let go is a double edged sword. It is a relationship killer. When you forgive, growth takes place in you.

To see  homework for this week, go here

True love. We hear about it on talk show. We read about in one book to another. But does true love exist and can it be found?

Where to find true love

The human spirit is powerful and enduring to say the lease. One of the concerns I hear about frequently from men and women is, “where can I find true love” One survey showed that despite all the challenges men and women are faced with in terms of finding true love and being able to hold onto it come in two fold.

1.      95% of men and women say that they believe in true love.

2.      The second concern is that the survey participants said that they would like to know how to find their love.

The reality is that you can find true love anywhere. The question, where to find love, denotes if there are specific places you could go to find love. Actually, there are and there are a number of techniques you can use to find your love. But before we get to these points, we need to understand what love is and what it means to different people before we discuss where to find true love.

What is love?

First, what is “love”? The dictionary define love as “to have great affection for,” or “to feel sexual passion for,” and so forth. It is true that more often than not, love is associated with intimacy, sex, and things of that nature. In some cultures, love is perceived as having sex. In other words, people from these cultures will say things like, ‘making love’ meaning having sex. In other cultures, love is perceived as the care you have for someone close to you, like a friend or family members. You often hear parents from these cultures say that they love their children. Does that mean they have sexual intercourse with their children? Of course not. People who have pets may say they love their pet. So as you can see, love means different things to different people. This leads us to the next step, where to find your true love.

Find true love

True love can be found through traditional dating. The statistics show that most people find love the traditional way, not from the internet. The success rate in finding true love through online dating sites and services is only 5%. There are creative and very effective ways to find lasting love. Here are a few examples that actually work.

v  Find true love by asking  friends if they know someone that you can meet. If you have friends and throughout your friendship you have demonstrated to be a thoughtful, kind and respectful person, your friends will not hesitate to recommend their friend to you because they know you are a good person and looking for true love and are more than happy to help. That is one way to find true love

v  Find true love by asking your barber or hair dresser. Yes, you heard me. I recall that when I was doing my research for my book, I was pleasantly surprised when my hair dresser told me about some of the parties going on that weekend where there would be many single men and women. Remember that barbers and hair dressers are also counselors. People tell them personal concerns, like and dislikes. Where do women go first when they want to go out? They go to the hair dresser to get their hair done. When do men go to look good before they go out looking for someone to date? They go to their barber for a haircut. While there, they exchange information. As I discovered during my research, both men and women usually tell their hair dresser where they are going. So don’t hesitate to try “out of the box” ideas. That is another way to find true love.

v  Find true love using your dog, In my view, the hottest and newest way to find love is using your dog. Here is an example. What you are about to read is a true story. It actually happened.  For example let say you are a guy looking for a woman or a date. While you are out for a walk, you see the most beautiful woman walking her dog coming towards you. You want to talk to her but you hesitate out of fear of rejection. You look around and there is just the two of you facing each other. What are you going to do? Just walk by without saying anything? How about a first greeting the woman and ask, “What breed of dog is that?” “Can I pet it?” Start a conversation. You may even ask her, “Do you know of a good restaurant around here?” Once she tells you, invite her to come with you for a snack and ask that she bring her dog with her. Take a frisbee with you on the date. After the meal or snack, take her and the dog to the park play with the dog. If you love and pay with her dog, she will love you.

Yes, true love does exist and simple approaches like I have described can help you find true love.

For the complete details, please go to How to Find True love

Have you ever wondered if a book can show you where to find love? The purpose of this article is to answer this question in as much detail as possible.

There are those who say that a book cannot show you how to find love. But are these people right? People draw conclusions based on their experiences. Here is an example.

It is not uncommon for people to put their hopes in a how-to book to help them find love. Unfortunately, when you have been trying to find true love without success, and you turn your attention to a book and it does not help, it is not uncommon to conclude that a book cannot teach you how to find love. I can clearly understand this sort of feeling, generated as it often is from frustration and emotion.

Understanding How-To Books on Relationships

Let’s look at two examples of why some books are written:

Example #1. I will be brutally honest. Many books on relationship are written by people with no relationship counseling experience nor academic training in the field of relationship counseling. These authors take notes of what people are looking for, they decide on a topic, and then they employ a ghost writer to do the writing for them. And with endorsement from a famous person, sale goes through the roof. To make matters worse is the fact that many publicity companies promote the idea of people using ghost writers. Why? So that the authors will enlist the services of the publicity company. It is about making money. Not showing you where to find love.

Example #2. If you have been paying attention, most popular books on dating and relationship success are often based on or focus on sex, hook-ups and things of that nature. Upon completion of Do’s and Don’ts s Relationships, I was contacted by a publisher who wanted me to make the book more sexual in nature. Her reason? She said that that is what people want, and if I focus the content on sex, I am likely to sell hundreds of thousands of copies. She was not the only one who said that. The first editor I wanted to work with insisted that I should focus on how to find dates, sex and the various ways sexual acts can be performed.

The above two examples show how difficult it can be to learn where to find love through a book when people are demanding books that will teach them how to find sex rather than love.

Furthermore, many relationship-related books are written by talk show hosts. But did you know that most talk shows are all about ratings? When it is about ratings, it means it is not about helping you find love or telling you where to find love. It is that simple.

Key Things to Know About How-To Books

Whether a book can help you find love depends on who wrote the book and the intention for which the book was written. An author will make more money selling BS and empty dreams because it is what people want to hear. We are addicted to empty dreams. We are addicted to sex instead of true love, and as long as people demand these things, there are authors that will write how-to books to meet these needs.

Can a Book Show You Where to Find Love?

But if a book can show you how to find dates and sex, similarly, a book can show you how to find love. Yes, a book can show you and teach you how to find love. It all depends on the author, his or her relationship counseling experience, and most importantly the intention behind his or her book. Let’s look at this from another angle. When you attend high school, college or university, what do you learn from? You learn from books. For example, medical students learn from medical textbooks.

When you travel to a country you know very little about, how do you get around? By following a brochure. And what does a brochure, as well as books, contain? Information on how to accomplish what you seek. So you can see, a book can teach you how to find love, and there is more than enough facts and experiences to support this.

How Does a Book Show You How and Where to Find Love?

A book can show you how to find love if:

·         It was written with a sincere heart with real intent to help the reader.

·         It is written by someone with real experience in the field.

·         It provides you the tools to know what to do and the keys to unlock the door to success.

·         It is written to help you find answers to your questions and solutions to your concerns.

Guidelines for Buying How-To Books

You can prevent one disappointment after another by buying how-to books written by qualified authors. First read about the author. Find out about his or her credentials, and most importantly, make sure he or she has the qualifications you are looking for—the author of the book has to specialize in the area in which he or she writes about.

If you are trying to buy a book to discover how to find real love, buy from an author who specializes in what you are looking for. If you want to learn where to find love but invest in a book that focuses on one-night stands and hook-ups, don’t expect anything but what the book offers.

Did you find this article helpful?

If you have a relationship-related topic you want me to write about, send it to me, and I will consider it. Please remember to focus the topic around where do I find love, where can I find love, how do I find love, and finding true love. You get the picture.

Article Author: Ernest Quansah

Ernest Quansah is a graduate of the University of British Columbia Counseling program. He also studied Philosophical Counseling at the University of Southern Frazer Valley, specializing in dating, soulmate relationships, and relationship and marriage success. He has more than 15 years of experience and is owner and founder of Relationship Advice for Success (RAS) and author and creator of:

Ø  Do’s and Don’ts of Relationships

Ø  How to Identify Your Soulmate

Ø  Personalized Match System

Ø  Relationship Success Workbook

Website: http://relationshipadviceforsuccess.com/

You may share this article with friends and visitors to your website or use it in your blog provided you include the article author’s details and website URL.

 Second Date

Have you ever gone on a date and ask, “How do I get a second date?” Getting a second date is one of the pressing thoughts many men and women just like you have on the first date. Regardless of how well you like the person you have invited on a date, the chances of getting a second date depend on several things that must be done correctly. A date is just an opportunity to get to know someone you are interested in. And it is a chance for the love interest to decide whether he or she would accept an invitation for a second date. Hence, the balance of power lies with the person the date was extended to and not the person that extended the invitation.

How to get a second date

A second date can be obtained at the end of the first date, but a number of things must be done right. The most important thing to keep in mind is that, when you invite someone on a date, the person you have invited will make a decision whether to agree or refuse an invitation to a second date based on what he or she learns about you during the first date. The reason is that, during a first outing, your date will form an opinion about you and make a decision about how things will go based on how well you articulate your ideas on the date, way before the date ends. So what should you talk about on the first date?

Second date tip

The second date tip at the top of my list is to be a good listener. If you can master the art of listening, you will be able to ascertain how far you can take the date. Here is an example. During her first date with a man she had recently met, a woman I know talked about things she liked. One of these was that she followed a motivational speaker known as Abraham Hicks. As she began to tell the man all that she had learned from Abraham—as she likes to call him—the man listened intently and showed interest in hearing what she had to say.

During the second hour, the woman told the man, “Most of my girlfriends have given up on men. They say there are no good men out there. I am so happy to find someone who listens to me and shows interest in what I have to say.”

Her remark makes it clear that she feels she has found a great guy. Based on what she said, would you agree that the man is guaranteed a second date with her if he asks? And he was sharp enough to ask her for the second date at that moment, while the window of opportunity was still open, because he was thinking on his feet. Quality women expect this in men.

Second date advice

A second date is certain if you play your cards right. The man did everything correctly. Rather than think about how he would get her into bed, he listened to her. People love talking about themselves. By listening, he showed her that he is interested in her as a person—she was not just someone to get into bed after the first date.

Show your date that you are interested in what he or she has to say. Often, if a man can just listen to the woman on their first date, he can score points that will lead to the second date. It really is that simple.

Second date window of opportunity

You can learn a lot on a date just by listening. In casual conversation, people give out a lot of information about themselves, their interests, and their likes and dislikes. So pay attention to what your date says. For example, if a date tells you about something she used to love doing, use that as a reason to extend an invitation for a second date. So, you may say something like, “Too bad you haven’t gone dancing for a while. I would like to invite you to come dancing with me at a nice club I know.” By saying “a nice club you know,” you are taking charge. Women expect that. Never tell a woman that you want to take her to a club that she goes to. You need to be in charge; otherwise, she might sense that you are willing to do anything to please her. Though this may seem like a good thing, in reality it is a sign of weakness. Most women do not appreciate this. It really is that simple. Keep the conversation interesting, listen, find your window of opportunity, and act!

Author Bio

Two time published author and relationship success expert Ernest Quansah has spent over a decade helping singles as well as couples find lasting love and happiness. A graduate of The University British Columbia Counseling program with a background in Philosophical Counselling from The University of Frazer Valley, he is the President of Relationship Advice for Success.

Website: http://relationshipadviceforsuccess.com/