of KINGS & carnies

Nothing To See Here

Jim — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 17:59:48 +0000

ofKINGSandCarnies is no longer being maintained.

Please direct your attention to JimFormation.com.

It’s the same thing as this site. Trust me.

Nonsequitors for 2008-12-03

Jim — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 04:59:59 +0000

@dbthompson It’s very good, Rumi. Who is it? #
Don’t blame The Eagles on Joe Walsh (or Don Felder, for that matter). I just wanted to go on record. Twice. http://tinyurl.com/63jupk #

Nonsequitors for 2008-12-02

Jim — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:59:59 +0000

I’m reading Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five. What are you reading? #
I’m also reading Twain’s THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER. #
Go outside and look at the moon. Do you see the two bright stars next to it? Those stars are Jupiter and Venus. #
@BigWhiteGuy Look at the sun for a while; you’ll see stars. Keep looking. Go ‘head. There you go. Now. Close your eyes. Stars. #
@THE_REAL_SHAQ Wouldn’t you have some strong words for a guy who brought a concealed, loaded gun into a place that you’re responsible for? #
@wheeldog I can’t even say “Dostoyevsky”! #
Wanna get pissed (or depressed)? Read Vonnegut’s “Man Without a Country.” Just don’t do it with a loaded weapon in the house. #
@whistlingfish Is a “political progressive” a liberal that no longer smokes pot or, at least, claims not to inhale? #
@debsmouse I read “To Kill a Mockingbird” in HS. I didn’t like my English teacher that year; hence, I don’t like “To Kill a Mockingbird.” #
@abigvictory I need to write, but I sit here and mull the age old post-harvest question: Pie or Beer? #
@tammyr I’m not reading James Joyce. Nor am I reading Sue Monk Kidd. I will soon be reading TOO FAT TO FISH. #
@tammyr Artie Lange’s book is what I’m talking about. My bro-in-law read it & said that Lange comes across completely unlikeable. Can’t wait #
@dbthompson You’re welcome. What did I do again? #
@dbthompson Oh. Did you listen to SRV last night? What did you think of LITTLE WING? #
@abigvictory Plaxico Burress shot an NFL All-Pro wide receiver. He shot the guy in a busy night club, point blank with no remorse. Big news! #
@abigvictory *snff snff* Smell that? That smells like sarcasm. *snff snff* Yep. Someone’s cooking up sarcasm. From scratch! MMMM mmmm. #

Nonsequitors for 2008-12-01

Jim — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 04:59:59 +0000

Uncle Jeff says, “Never trust anyone who doesn’t like pie.” #
I can’t diet yet. There is too much beer in the refrigerator, and I am weak. #
@dbthompson I submit it does get better (but not by much): SRV “Little Wing” #
@dbthompson I’ve got two versions. Sadly, I don’t have the better version on mp3. But I will rip it and make sure that you get a copy. #
@dbthompson SRV “The Sky Is Crying” released posthumously: http://tinyurl.com/5ggrsb(album) #
@dbthompson I’ll get back to you in a couple of days. If you don’t get it Santa may bring you an early present. #
@dbthompson The whole album, IMO, is inspiring. I love SRV’s interpretation of Little Wing. Builds to a wonderful blues crescendo. Stunning. #
@dbthompson If you don’t like it, I’ll spot you the sawbuck. And, if you’re like me, you’ll be singing “Boot Hill” to the Wife-Beast. #
@dbthompson I’ll follow-up with you tomorrow. I’m going to bed. #
@BigWhiteGuy Send the “China Sex Guide” people to me. I’m trying to make my site seedier. #
It’s about time I read SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE, don’t you think? #
@whistlingfish … and then A CLOCKWORK ORANGE. And then FARENHEIT 451. And then 1984. So it goes. #
‘You know what I say to people when I hear they’re writing anti-war books? … Why don’t you write an anti-glacier book instead?” Vonnegut #
@debsmouse 1 day I will write a golf book: GOLF IS A STUPID GAME. It will write itself. I’ll make $23 on the book & lose my amateur status. #
Not for nothin’, this is what a National Security Advisor should look like: http://tinyurl.com/5p2ccf #
@THE_REAL_SHAQ Is Plaxico in trouble? He’s looking at 3-and-a-half years in the pokie if he brought a concealed weapon into NYC. Mandatory. #
@THE_REAL_SHAQ Of course Plaxico is in trouble. He shot a guy! Turns out the guy he shot was him. But still, you can’t shoot people. #
@abigvictory I think you’re doing a poor job planning your holiday party by excluding all those people who want to give their input. #
@abigvictory You don’t know me well enough; imagine I’m enjoying it. #
If you’re looking into the Plaxico Burress fiasco (and who isn’t!), SI has as good a piece as any that I’ve read: http://tinyurl.com/67j72u #
@abigvictory Your new avatar looks like Joan Jett. #
Q: When is the best time to start a post-Thanksgiving diet? A: When all the beer is gone from the basement refrigerator. #

Nonsequitors for 2008-11-30

Jim — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 04:59:59 +0000

@debsmouse If you back out of a busy parking lot, there’s a good chance that you’ll hit old Ms. Crabtree as she darts between parked cars. #
@tammyr The reason we’re here is to make plastic - nature couldn’t do it. Plastic nativity scenes are the height of showing our love of God. #
@tammyr I tried to make out a joke that would make a light bulb in the Virgin Mary’s rectum seem right, but I couldn’t. I went with plastic. #
@abigvictory At least you’re going to something meaningful. I’m going to an Engagement Party; I don’t know what that means. #
@abigvictory What’s the most inappropriate gift you can give for an Engagement Party. And adult toys is too easy. Pregnancy kit? #

Nonsequitors for 2008-11-29

Jim — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 04:59:59 +0000

@debsmouse Fiber muffins, Fiber1 bars, etc. are best eaten on the toilet. #
@debsmouse What’s the alternative? #
Facebook is a hermaphroditic, transvestite whore. #
@tammyr Jesus likes it when the faithful write his name in little twinkly lights. It makes him feel all jiggly & tickly inside. #

Nonsequitors for 2008-11-28

Jim — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 04:59:59 +0000

@abigvictory My 11-year-old son argued with me that “Rickroll” was the name of the song. Welcome to the internet Mr. Astley. #
I spent the last moments of Thanksgiving playing guitar with 18-year-olds. They said I was good. They were being kind. I still feel cool. #
@mhm72 Umbrellatoday.com is good. Jacket or CoatToday.com would be much better. #
If your online checkout system makes me say, “You mother fuckers” out loud. There’s a good chance that I’m not going to purchase from you. #
“The man in front of my wife shielded us. He was a maintenance section staff. He took the bullets.” Wow. http://tinyurl.com/6zljat #
@JessicaDoyle I would set up a single page that gave the person going to your .COM the choice of “shop” or “blog.” #

Nonsequitors for 2008-11-27

Jim — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 04:59:59 +0000

@BigWhiteGuy At least I made you sweat. And then, what a let down, WEB. I just made WEB. 11 points. I’m a weenie. #
Sometimes moving furniture around is like getting a new house. #
If they spelled words they way I wanted them spelled and when I wanted them spelled that way, I’d be unbeatable at Scrabble. #
She: “Where’d you get that stuffing?” Me: “Um. It fell out of the bird.” She: “My ass!” Me: “No, the turkey’s!” #
ohmygod. I feel like Darrin McGavin in A Christmas Story right before the Bumpus hounds come in and steal the turkey. #
@debsmouse Oof! http://tinyurl.com/5mamq6 #
The game Scrabble will really make you start hating the letter “I”. It’s a serious hatred. I’s are evil, transgender, hermaphroditic whores. #
@zeldman “Baby killing coward fucks” it is. Terrorist is too good for them. #
@abigvictory First “2 Girls, 1 Cup” and then “Goatse”, I’m beginning to wonder about your internet surfing activities. #
My wife just made a great joke. Hee, get this: “The back of the chair is not a coat rack.” *pause* BWAHAHA!! #

Nonsequitors for 2008-11-26

Jim — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 04:59:59 +0000

@abigvictory “Rock snob” is a good thing. A “rock snob” is a prick that knows more about rock than I do & even appreciates the White Stripes #
@abigvictory Oh. You saw that … at least I didn’t use the c-word. (Can you say “cunt” on Twitter? Or do you have to say “c-word”?) #
@abigvictory I didn’t say I’d call you a cunt. I just wondered if the word could be used on Twitter. Besides, I’ve had my balls torn off. #
@abigvictory I’ll read your fiction if you’ll read mine. #
@abigvictory I’ll have a piece up this evening. Tomorrow at the latest. Do you prefer a mystery or fable? #
@abigvictory The fable has no animals. But it’s sappy. The mystery involves blood and cursing. #
@abigvictory Typo: 5pm paragraph, 3rd sentence. #
I need to do the dishes before the wife gets home or I’m screwed … I mean “or I won’t get screwed.” #
I was going to comment on your Twilight review: “The book is so bad, I couldn’t even get through the review.” But that seemed tacky. #
@debsmouse Thankfully, my 17-year-old has neither seen the movie nor read the book. I don’t think she has a desire to either. #lucky #
17-year-old girl says that she wants to see “Twilight.” We’re all sheep. #
@DaveJMatthews Are you, in fact, you? Or are you the guy on Facebook that says he’s you’re not him? #
@abigvictory I have new fiction too! “God and Country” Read it here: http://jimformation.com/god-and-country/ #
@tammyr “Bolt” is in my future. I have a 4-year-old. “Bolt” looks awesome! #
@debsmouse I fear Robert has ulterior motives. #
I think my 4 YO sleepwalks. I’ve woken to him screaming on the stairs & peeing in his room. He never remembers. I hope he doesn’t sleep hunt #
Why don’t we ever see Marv Albert & Obama’s budget chief, Peter Orszag, together? Because they share the same toupe: http://is.gd/96d3 #
We couldn’t figure out how to make nice with Venezuela. Now the Russians are here: http://is.gd/96fy #
Aside from the obvious question: Why the hell would you go to an engagement party? Do you bring a gift to one? #
@tammyr Apple pie will slow down the pumpkin pie impatience. (That is if your wife doesn’t see know you nicked a piece.) #
@debsmouse I get gifts for going to the engagement party!?! #
@debsmouse I’m having 29 people to my house tomorrow. Can I tell them that my wife and I are engaged and tomorrow is the party? #
@debsmouse Renewing our vows means that she has to say “I do” again. I’m not sure it’s worth the risk. #
@tammyr I hear cherry pie is in my future soon too. As in, “It’s in the oven.” #
@tammyr My Thanksgiving contribution? Making sure at the end of the day no one has to put away any extra pie, of course. #
@newscoma Cats are popular because they taste good with noodles. #
Retweeting @sandrakay65: Cherry pie - done. Now baking two pumpkin pies : ) Need I say more? (She’s the “Wife-Beast” She’s baking me pies!) #
@whistlingfish Pie. #
@abigvictory I didn’t stop drinking, just slowed down, & only because when I drink I get tired & have to nap. It wasn’t like that years ago. #
The ampersand is the Twitter’s friend. #
@mhm72 I’ve lost track, Mark. What makes me say what? #
You know, the other day my wife was doing a body sweep of my 17-year-old girl. Looking for tattoos. I never heard the outcome. #
@ButtonMonkey In order to enjoy a fire while indoors, one must have a fireplace or wood-burning stove. #
@mhm72 Ah. When whittling down character count for twitter, I rely on the oft ignored & seldom used punctuation mark that is the ampersand. #
Retweeting @sandrakay65: “Fresh cranberry sauce is done”, sayeth the wife as I drool here at my desk. She needs to stop the play-by-play. #
@mhm72 #&?! I’m not geeky enough. #
@debsmouse Go see “Bolt” instead. #
@debsmouse Haven’t seen Bolt. Just the promos and it looks very good. I hope to catch it this weekend. I will have a 4 YO & 11 YO in tow. #
@mhm72 No Beatles’ track will ever be weirder than Revolution 9. #
@reidstott Do you do anything as we do? (He won’t respond. Twitter is not a public IM). #
Actually, I see Twitter as bunch of wise-asses doing what they do best. #
@zeldman I didn’t know FAVRD was a performance. I’ll have to catch the next show. #
It’s been 25 minutes. I told you @reidstott wasn’t going to respond. He plays by his rules. #
@abigvictory Do you remember fire pull boxes and, “Fire department. Where’s the fire?” #
@jennifoofoo I don’t get paid to Twitter. It’s a hobby subsidized by my employer. #
@hotdogsladies I was once told by a salesperson that I couldn’t buy sneakers without a phone number. #
@reidstott I think I’ve been spending at least 80% of my time @someone replying. But at least I still try to tell the whole story in 1 Twat. #
I wouldn’t join any pinheads on an anti-social network. Just like I’m thinking about going to a procrastinator’s convention. #
@abigvictory Perhaps a review of Lou Reed is in order. Perhaps the album would be “New York.” Perhaps I’m the only one who digs that album. #

Nonsequitors for 2008-11-25

Jim — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 04:59:59 +0000

@DaveJMatthews Who are you? And why are you Twittering me? You sound familiar but I just can’t … I know, Winn Dixie!! #
My dog’s brain is not wired right. I call him to me and he gets all excited and runs to my wife. #
Stop Clown Porn Now! http://www.stopclownpornnow.org/ #
It’s tough to harass @THE_REAL_SHAQ when he’s doing so much nice charity work. Keep it up, Shaq. I’ll get you tomorrow! #
If this doesn’t scare you, nothing will: http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/4215/michael3pm4kxxv9.jpg #
@greaterweb I pinged JimFo no probs. #
My wife said, “What are you doing, you crazy whores?” And then she said, “HORSE! HORSE! I said, HORSE!” #
I had to deactivate Twitter Tools WP plug-in. It was creating a weekly digest of my Tweets a little more than weekly. More like continually. #
Okay. You can now see JimFormation.com without all that Twitter clutter. I’m even thinking about taking out the latest Tweet. #
@abigvictory I’d do the “gold stars” thing. I’ll rate your albums. Or do you want comments: “That was a cool album. I like it too.” #
Umm. Well. Just watch: http://tinyurl.com/5pj5jz #
@dbthompson I have a feeling that was his demise. #
@abigvictory I gave you a little love over at “This Is Not Pitchfork.” I appreciate the effort. #