There’s a quote, and of course I can’t find it at the moment, something along the lines of “if you keep having problems with everyone and everything, maybe it’s really you.”

yeah, it’s me, so now what?

Squirrel!

But, it could be, so go ahead and hum along.

We were driving the other day, and there were a bunch of cones by the road and people directing traffic because the annual half marathon was happening. My daughter (always observant) said “They’re running, like Daddy used to.”

Of course, she won’t stop there, she went on with “Why did Daddy quit?”

I was trying to drive so I didn’t say anything right away, but my wife responded with something along the lines of ‘he got busy doing other things.’

She would have been more accurate to just say “He’s a quitter. He quits everything, or does it half-assed. He quit running, he quit cycling, he quit trying to build a real career, he quit his diet. It’s probably only a matter of time before he quits all of us, too. The only good thing he has quit was smoking.”

But she couldn’t say that, because that would be admitting to my kids that you can smoke and not die or burst into flames.

I bought the album, ‘Get the Knack,’ on 8-track from the bargin bin at Target. (I’ll wait here if you want to google that, or ask your parents, or whatever). It had the classic, My Sharona, along with another of my faves, Good Girls Don’t (we always sang loudest on the ‘but I do’ part).

One of our favorite things to do was turn this up really, really loud and dance around on our patio like idiots. Thank God Al Gore hadn’t invented Youtube yet, or there would be actual evidence.

Being a bargain 8-track and not having google back in the day (we were lucky if the mastadons didn’t knock out the power, ya know?) I had no idea that this song was about an actual girl named Sharona and that she was about my age, even though the singer / writer was clearly older because he had a hit song and everything. In fact I never even bothered to find out in all these years. It turns out Sharona was at his side this weekend.

R.I.P. Doug.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Doug Fieger, lead singer for The Knack and co-writer of My Sharona, passed away on Sunday at the age of 57.

And as I’m writing this I’m tempted to write something like “intensely calm” because it was that much of a departure from the way I normally am.

And then I started overthinking it and wondering “I wonder if this is what it’s like for other people? Is this is how church is supposed to make you feel?”

And then it was gone, and I was back to normal, whatever that is. My usual self, full of doubts and worries and fears and horrible black oily stuff that – oh, wait, no, that was on a movie I saw. Anyway, my usual self.

The self that I pretty much hate. But I’m thinking maybe if I keep going to church for another 40 years, I’ll get a moment like that again.

We’ll see.

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Really, really.

Daughter: “Where are the groceries?”

Me: “They’re in the trunk.”

Daughter: “What is trunk?”

Me: “mm.. in the way back.”

My kids have no memory of a car with a trunk. We’ve had a hatchback or a minivan their entire lives.

And I’m feeling old.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. Eric Clapton.
2. Where was your first kiss? Probably at church during a youth group dance. I think.
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? Nothing that couldn’t be fixed. Or washed off.
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Does football count?
5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? I was once in a stage production of ‘Grease,’ and yes, they made me sing. After years of therapy I think my fellow cast has come out of this experience stronger.
6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? I prefer noticing them.
7. What really turns you off? Kids banging on the door. Wait, what?
8. What do you order at Starbucks? Coffee. Cheapest they have. Not that I go there much.
9. What is your biggest mistake? That whole ‘being born’ thing at the moment.
10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Not unless you count getting really, really drunk.
11. Say something totally random about yourself. I’m nearsighted.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Not that I can remember.
13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? All. the. time.
14. Did you have braces? oh yes.
15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yes.
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Taken care of me when I was sick.
17. When do you know it’s love? When they don’t leave.
18. Do you speak any other languages? No. I should probably learn some Spanish, and tried 20 years ago with some language tapes, but nada.
19. Have you ever been to tanning salon? You’re kidding, right?
20. Have you ever ridden in a limo? yes, a couple times.
21. What’s something that really annoys you? People that ask too many questions.
22. What’s something you really like? Free beer.
23. Can you dance? Not to save my life.
24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Yes. At least I hope they rushed, considering how much I paid for the ride.
25. Tag 5 people! Tag, you’re it!

This really happened. A few days ago some guy escaped from prison. Hundreds of miles from here. It was in the news, maybe you saw it, he supposedly jumped the guard and escaped on foot, even though he has been bound to a wheelchair for years. So, yeah, strange.

That doesn’t really concern me too much. I mean, yeah, we caught you and decided you were guilty and sent you to jail and you should have the decency to just stay there, but whatever. Maybe he didn’t like the food. I hear they only get to watch Fox and not CNN. Who knows.

Here’s what does concern me – some well intentioned person said they saw the guy here in town. And then – suddenly – there were “multiple positive identifications” of the guy riding a bike (remember the wheelchair?) here.

So, knee jerkers that we are, they called out the dogs (see the picture on the link, that’s 2 miles from my house) and they locked down the schools. Because a guy that is the subject of a manhunt might go where there are lots and lots of people instead of running and / or hiding.

An hour or so later they find the guy on the bike and he’s a long-time resident who just happens to have dark skin and be (gasp) outside on a bike and gee, those multiple positive people suddenly said ‘yeah, well, he was black and it might have been him’ and gee willikers, oops.

Only yeah, guess what? I now have a six year old that is terrified to go to sleep at night because “that man” might be outside. It doesn’t help when we tell her he’s probably in Mexico by now. Six years old isn’t old enough to be able to process this shit.

So if you see him and call the cops? You can have the reward, but I’ll be your new best friend. Forever. And we can start sleeping at night, again.

Momma?