!! omg blog !!

OMG, Here Comes the Judge: Andre Léon Talley

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 12:30:08 -0500

Fashion week is just beginning here in New York, and already we're starting to hear geat news from the land of bulimic string beans and $25k t-shirts. Well, actually it's just Top Model news, and we all know that has nothing to do with "fashion" unless you count in-store appearances at Target, but whatever.

Tyra Banks has sent word down from her heavenly throne that Miss Jay is ceding his ANTM Judgeship to an even more flamboyant (and way more important) black man: Vogue's Andre Léon Talley. In fashion, one week you're in and the next week... oh, wait, that's a different show. But still applicable!

And yay, cause Miss Jay never quite lived up to his judgey potential if you ask me. He will go back to coaching the girls on the runway, where he always seemed better off anyway. Now if only we could get Janice Dickinson back and replace Tyra with Grace Jones, maybe this would be a show worth watching again.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the fantastic Mr. Talley, above is his (too-brief!) star turn from The September Issue.

(WWD)

OMG, She's Money: Lady Gaga

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 11:28:22 -0500

It's only yesterday that we reported the disturbing speculation might that disco heroine and gay marriage crusader Lady Gaga might be an evil agent of the Illuminati. And well, well, well! Today we find out that she's one step closer to world domination, now that she's got her face on the US Dollar! Well, sort of: artist Craig Gleason has started selling dollar bills emblazoned with the face of the future Empress of the Universe!

If you want one, the bills are $15 a pop. A few more of my favorites after the jump.

OMG, How Helpful: Yoga mats for Haiti!

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 10:00:04 -0500

Just because your home has been completely destroyed doesn't mean you shouldn't be focusing on "opening up your hips!"

Also desperately needed: Toffuti Cuties, aromatherapy candles and NPR memberships!

Namaste!

(Via The Awl)

OMG, Hypnotize your weiner!

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 16:20:37 -0500

Who knew that you could actually increase the size of your thing using ONLY YOUR MIND? No painful injections, weird pills, or bizarre massaging techniques. All you have to do is listen to a few MP3 files! I guess if you just hypnotize yourself into thinking you have a huge D, it will magically cooperate? That's what a comely hypnotist known as "Victoria" claims, anyway:

Yes it is true! The mind can dramatically affect the size of your penis, erect and flaccid. Most men experience an average of 1-2? increase in length and fuller girth. Listen to these CD's for 4-6 weeks and find out for yourself how to reach your potential. Many men report more control and greater sensation during the growth process. Guaranteed results! only $99.00 for all six sessions.

At first I was skeptical, but I was quickly won over thanks to these shockingly convincing testimonials:

"Victoria, I just wanted to let you know that even though I was very skeptical at first, I immediately noticed a small improvement right away (1/4 ") in the first couple weeks, which motivated me to keep listening. Over a six-week span I am now 1 1/2 inches bigger. I am ecstatic! I last longer. I feel enthusiastic. Victoria, your program is so easy, all I do is listen to your soothing voice everyday and I can literally feel the changes taking place in my penis while I'm listening." -Jason

"Victoria, You probably don't remember me, but I thought I'd write to thank you for your penis enlargement hypnosis CDs. At first, I had trouble (I couldn't induce a hypnotic state), and I didn't see results for a while. But eventually everything clicked, and I just had to write to report on my progress, which I feel is pretty amazing.

You were right. Thanks to you and your CDs, I'm now between a quarter and an eighth of inch of my goal of 9 inches erect, and by about 6-7/8 in girth (for an increase of about 1-3/4 inches in length and 1-1/8 in girth)"

Oh, also, there is $10m USD waiting for you in a Nigerian bank account! Obviously I don't endorse this completely fake-seeming technique, but if anyone who has used it wants to send me pictures of their giant, hynosis-enhanced penises, I will totally change my tune. (Maybe.)

(Here's the link if you're really desperate to waste a hundred bucks. Thanks to Linwood for the tip!)

OMG, Karaoke Can Be Deadly

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:19:15 -0500

The New York Times brings us a very important report today about the scourge of Karaoke-related murders that are sweeping the Phillipines. Whatever you do, don't sing Frank Sinatra!

GENERAL SANTOS, the Philippines -- After a day of barbering, Rodolfo Gregorio went to his neighborhood karaoke bar still smelling of talcum powder. Putting aside his glass of Red Horse Extra Strong beer, he grasped a microphone with a habitué's self-assuredness and briefly stilled the room with the Platters' "My Prayer."

...But Mr. Gregorio, 63, a witness to countless fistfights and occasional stabbings erupting from disputes over karaoke singing, did not dare choose one beloved classic: Frank Sinatra's version of "My Way."

"I used to like 'My Way,' but after all the trouble, I stopped singing it," he said. "You can get killed."

The authorities do not know exactly how many people have been killed warbling "My Way" in karaoke bars over the years in the Philippines, or how many fatal fights it has fueled. But the news media have recorded at least half a dozen victims in the past decade and includes them in a subcategory of crime dubbed the "My Way Killings."

While this problem may be currently restricted to the Phillipines, I wouldn't be surprised if the rest of the world quickly followed. I don't know about My Way in particular, but I've definitely been moved nearly to murder watching a bunch piss drunk frat idiots singing Don't Stop Believin'. And do not get me started on Sister Christian!

(New York Times)

OMG, how contemporary: Charo

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 12:52:37 -0500

Charo sings Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop the Music" live on some telethon. Who would you rather watch? Ri-Ri or Cha-Cha? (Thanks to Tommy for the tip!)

OMG, He Dances: Mambo Dog

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 12:00:46 -0500

It is extremely important that you watch this dancing dog.

OMG, She's Part of a Global Conspiracy: Lady Gaga

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 11:40:26 -0500

For those of you who thought "Rah, rah, oh la la" was just nonsense babble, think again. It turns out Lady Gaga is an agent for the Illuminati and is trying to control your mind. I mean, or, you know, maybe not. You can read this in-depth investigation and decide for yourself. If you're not under their control already...

OMG, celebrity divorce gamble

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 19:43:13 -0500

What actress and her ex-husband decided important pieces of their divorce settlement with a coin toss? Find out here.

OMG, How Adorable: Puppy Bowl VI

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:22:15 -0500

While the rest of the world is eagerly awaiting Sunday's Super Bowl, I could not be more excited about Animal Planet's PUPPY BOWL VI. The Sling Blog has an exclusive interview with Puppy Bowl referee Andrew Schecter, who reveals some exciting surprises about why this year promises to be the biggest and best Puppy Bowl ever:

This year we have two very exciting new elements: gracing the sidelines for the first time ever at Animal Planet stadium are bunny rabbit cheerleaders, and flying high above Animal Planet stadium are hamsters flying a miniature blimp. We're also keeping the classic features that fans have come to love, including the kitten halftime show.

I just hope there are no kitten wardrobe malfunctions!

(Sling Blog)

OMG, She's Back: Lady Miss Kier

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:02:59 -0500

Deee-lite's Lady Miss Kier is back, featured on a new single with producer Ray Mang. It's a cover of George Clinton's BULLETPROOF and it's weird, a little political, and kinda pretty good! If it weren't for the Phelps sisters amazing WHORISH FACE, this would be my number one favorite new song of the decade. Oh well-- number two it is.

By the way, can Deee-lite just have a reunion NOW, please?

(Via Space Dust)

OMG, how pervy: Unicorn samurai

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 13:29:00 -0500

Watch out: This muscle-queen unicorn will cut you if you aren't careful. (Thanks to Nicole for the tip!)

OMG, How controversial: Same Sex-y Armani Ads

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:18:33 -0500

You need to install or upgrade Flash Player to view this video, install or upgrade here:

Time to panic for America's children! NO, I'm not talking about Noah Cyrus's new lingerie line, either. I'm talking about these disgusting Armani Exchange window displays that feature two men hugging! If children see these they might think it's okay to hug! And hugging hurts America! PANIC!!!

(Via Queerty)

OMG, It's a Miracle: Vagina-less girl pregnant

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 11:24:29 -0500

The internet sure has a lot to teach us! Videos of cute cats, nude male celebrities, commenters who want to murder me... it's a big, wonderful world wide web out there!

Today, the internet brings us what appears to be an ordinary tale of pregnancy. But there's a twist. What? From ABC News:

In 1988, a 15-year-old girl living in the small southern African nation of Lesotho came to local doctors with all the symptoms of a woman in labor. But the doctors were quickly puzzled because, upon examination, she didn't have a vagina.

Needless to say, I immediately started panicking upon reading this. I don't have a vagina either. Could I also have a case of the pregs? This would explain why I'm about 16 years late with my period.

Luckily, it turned out there was a totally simple explanation for the miracle pregnancy-- involving a BJ, a knife fight, and some very tenacious sperm. Click over to ABC news if you want the mystery revealed.