Online Dating Paradox

Online Dating After Divorce – Getting Back into the Game

Matt Savage — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:41:58 +0000

A marriage is supposed to last forever, but we all know life doesn’t always turn out how we expect. Things change and so do we; it doesn’t mean you have to give up on love. Getting a divorce is an incredibly traumatic and draining process. But once you’ve got through it, when is the right time to start dating again?

Well the answer is… there isn’t one. Sorry, but only you know when you’re ready to get back into the dating game. The most important thing to remember is not to rush into anything. You’re unlikely to be searching for another marriage so soon, so now is the time to relax and enjoy being on your own! But there are a few steps to take when you’re ready to start online dating after divorce:

What are your hobbies?

We’re all guilty of the occasional fib but your online dating profile should be a true representation of you. If not, what’s the point? So, writing in your profile that you love white water rafting just to impress a potential date will only end in disaster! If you prefer long walks on the beach and cooking at home, say so, there is likely to be a likeminded person out there who you can share your interests with. And if you’re struggling to write your online profile, it’s never too late to find a (real) new hobby.

In a relationship, things can sometimes get in the way of us pursuing our interests. Maybe you had a passion, but your other half wasn’t interested? If you did, now is the perfect time to rekindle your interest in an old hobby. You may even meet someone! If not it’ll give you the chance to be the person you may have always wanted to be – and create an honest online dating profile.

Make time for friends and family

Although it’s great to put yourself out there and meet new people, make sure you take your friends and family along for the ride. You’re moving on with your life, but it doesn’t mean you have to leave the people you care about behind. Make sure that you don’t focus all your efforts on finding a new partner; make time for your friends and family. Caring for others is an attractive trait to have. But it’s okay to be selfish sometimes too.

Don’t forget to find time for yourself

In a long relationship it’s easy to get wrapped up in other people’s lives and forget to find time for yourself. Go to the gym, exercise classes, anything! When you’re married it can be tempting to let yourself go a bit. Everyone does! But now you’re single, it’s important to start taking care of yourself. The healthier you feel the more confident and positive you’ll be about the future. And happiness and confidence will make you more attractive for when you do find your perfect date!

But most of all remember not to put any pressure on yourself to find the perfect partner online. Dating after a divorce doesn’t have to be a grueling chore, you are free now, so just relax and have a good time!

This was a guest post by contributor Sarah

Jenny McCarthy Using Match.com Dating Site

Matt Savage — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 04:18:26 +0000

I know this is old news, but it is new to me, especially since I don’t pay too much attention to entertainment or celebrity gossip, but apparently former playmate Jenny McCarthy has admitted to using the Match.com dating site and is even looking for a “Nice Guy” on it. Of course, this just goes to show how out of touch I am since I didn’t even know that she had broken up with Jim Carrey.

Apparently Ms. McCarthy has setup a Match profile which people would not recognize her profile as herself. She says that she uses a picture of her sister in the profile and is fairly vague about revealing any details that might identify her on the website. And while this tactic of using a fake picture is typically frowned upon in the Internet dating world, I’m sure that the lucky guy who managed to land a date with her probably wouldn’t mind, at least I know I wouldn’t (Jenny email me!).

So I suppose the real question is why does Jenny McCarthy, a gorgeous celebrity, need to even set foot on an online dating site like Match.com or any other dating service? Well, from what she told Radar in an interview, was that she doesn’t like guys from Los Angeles and that they are not normal men.

“I mean, I don’t know. It’s so hard out here [in L.A.]. The guys are like chicks out here,” she said. “There’s no real guy guys, so maybe importing from somewhere will be smart. Anyone not from L.A. I think.”

Actually, this seems understandable to me, since I’m sure that living in Hollywood and living the celebrity life style gets to a bit much after awhile. In addition, the dating between the celebrities themselves appears more like a drama filled soap opera than anything resembling a real relationship.

From what we know about Jenny McCarthy is that she’s a pretty cool down to Earth chick and in my opinion unlikely to want to get caught up in the Hollywood dating circus. In addition, her seeking out a more manly man who has a normal job seems like it would be more of a relief than not have to be dealing with some high maintenance movie star.

So far she has only indicated that she has browsed Match for men who are between 35 to 48 years old, but has not said whether she has actually gone on any dates from the site. However, it will certainly be interesting to see if she does go on a date via Match.com and then hearing about the lucky guy that gets that date. Man, I would love to see the face on a guy expecting a normal date to show up but then Jenny McCarthy pops in, oh man… And I wouldn’t be surprised if she follows through with the whole online dating thing, since she has already been on the show Millionaire Matchmaker with Patti Stanger.

Does Ashley Madison Work?

Matt Savage — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:23:54 +0000

While it is hard to quantify whether any online dating website works for anyone, or whether one site is more trustworthy in it’s business practices than others, I feel that there is some evidence out there that suggests that Ashley Madison is used and does work for some people.

Though I have personally never used the site, I will point out a few people who have written about their experiences using Ashley Madison, along with their approach to finding dates or potential affairs on the site. And while these experiences are limited to particular people’s experiences, hopefully the anecdotal evidence is enough to help you decide if Ashley Madison works or not.

Ashley and Me by Riff dog

One of the best examples of the Ashley Madison site working for someone is from the Ashley and Me blog run by notorious extramaterial affair aficionado, Riff Dog. Not only are Riff Dog’s stories of his many affairs entertaining, he also shows how advantageous the site would be for a man with the proper approach of seeking out an affair.

However, the problem here is that it is clear from Riff Dog’s stories that he is no average man. In fact, it appears that he has somewhat of a background, or at least knowledge in the field of seduction, either that or he is a natural. Regardless, while he is definitely out of the norm of an average man’s experience with the Ashley Madison dating site, it does show the potential that the site may provide given the right attitude and experience.

The Nerve’s Ashley Madison Experiment

The fantastic Nerve.com did a nice experiment and write-up a few years ago about one of their male writer’s, Jack Harrison, attempts at setting out to see how well he could do at having affairs with married women.

Interestingly, Jack’s first attempts failed miserably, though mostly because of his approach. He had initially listed that he was a single man, and only contacted women with pictures. After this he made two big discoveries that significantly increased the amount of legitimate messages he received from married women. So what were the two big changes he made?

First, he switched his status to ‘attached male seeking females’ and though it was somewhat of a stretch of the truth for him, he surmised that married women are more likely to trust other men in the same situation as them, i.e. married but looking for an affair.
The second big change that Jack made was to message a bunch of women who had no pictures at all. Unlike regular online dating sites, he concluded that since people who use Ashley Madison need to be very discreet, then the more legitimate men and women are the ones who are actively trying to hide their identity.

In the end, using his new techniques, Jack did end up seeing multiple women and having affairs with a few of them. And this was his conclusion on whether Ashley Madison works:

Ashley Madison works. Like most — if not all — internet dating sites, it’s probably much easier if you’re a woman, and it helps if you’re not too picky. But there are definitely a lot of people out there looking for affairs.

Is Ashley Madison a Scam? – Skeptical Reviews

While I’ve only presented two male experiences in using the site so far, it would be biased of me if I didn’t present views from people who use AshleyMadison.com that had bad experiences, are skeptical of whether or not it works and those that claim that it is an outright scam.

The following site, has many Ashley Madison reviews in which users can submit their experiences. And after reading through a handful of the reviews, you will notice that there are many unhappy customers who either claim that it just didn’t work for them or that they somehow felt scammed out of their money.

Conclusion

So with all of that being said, in my personal opinion, using AshleyMadison.com is like using any other online dating site, in that it depends on how you approach the site, how much work you are willing to put into creating a good profile, how many people you contact, what gender you are, and how attractive you are. Based on those qualities, yes, it is definitely possible that Ashley Madison can work for someone, though like any other dating option, a lot of people will be left out in the cold.

What do you think? Please let us all know your opinion in the comments. Also, if you’ve had an experience on the site, please be sure to write that in the comments below as well.

Cheers

How to Delete Your Cupid Account

Matt Savage — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:16:53 +0000

Like most dating sites, deleting your account from Cupid.com can be a little confusing to figure out, but don’t worry, below are step by step instructions with screen shots that show how to delete your Cupid account and profile. Also note that these instructions are for Cupid.com which is a different dating site than OkCupid.com (Go here to delete your OkCupid account).

Step 1

Log in to your Cupid.com account and look for the ‘My Account’ link at the top of the page and click it as shown in the following image:

Step 2

You should now be on your account page where you scroll down the page until you see three columns of buttons labeled ‘My Profile:’, ‘Account:’ and ‘Upgrades’. Then look down the ‘Account’ column until you see the button labeled ‘Remove Account’ and click on it as shown in the next image:

Step 3

You will now be taken to a pre-removal page where you will have to enter your Cupid password in order to confirm the removal of your account as shown in the next image:

Step 4

By now you should be on the Stage 2 Pre-removal page of Cupid.com. You will need to scroll down and find a column of radio buttons which include options for taking you off the mailing list, hiding your profile, both unsubscribing from the mailing list and hiding your profile, and finally the forth option is to remove your profile and account completely. Be sure to click on the forth option to remove your profile and then click on the ‘Continue’ button as shown in the next image:

Step 5

You will now be on the Pre-Removal Stage 3 page that asks you why you are leaving. And though this is just another veiled attempt to frustrate you and keep you to stay, don’t give in, and click on either the ‘I cannot afford the prices’ radio button or the ‘Other’ radio button (Note: choosing any of the other radio buttons will only side track you even more and take more steps to delete) and then clicking the ‘Continue’ button as show in the next image:

Step 6

Finally, we get to the last pre-removal page (stage 4) which is Cupid.com’s last ditch attempt to convince you to stay on their dating site. And not only do they try to convince you, but they also trick you by not making it clear which button to press. Most people would likely press the ‘Yes, Please’ button thinking that it means “yes, please finally remove my f#@cing account” but instead it confirms that you want to stay which means you’d have to go through this whole process again. However, I’ve already gone through this multiple times for you and know that you want to click the ‘No Thanks’ button as shown in the next image:

Step 7

You are then shown the obligatory “Thank you for using Cupid.com” page which then tries to make it seem like you are the faulty one for not realizing how great Cupid is… the nerve of those guys. In addition it says that you can restore your account by logging back in, which is pretty sketchy because this means that they still have your information in their database even though they’ve removed all your profile stuff from the website. Unfortunately I don’t know how to get them to delete all your info from their database outside of constantly harassing them. Your best bet is to simply never go back to the site again and certainly never login again, unless you really want to…

After this you will likely get an email from them in your inbox confirming the removal of your account and profile. Also at the bottom of this email is Cupid Plc.’s contact phone number of 1 (212) 796-6946, which may or may not be useful if you want to call and have them completely remove your information from their database.

Hope that was useful and if you have any other questions on this process, please feel free to write them in the comments below and I’ll do my best to find an answer for you

How to Delete Your OkCupid Account

Matt Savage — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:07:29 +0000

I know it’s tough to find out how to delete profiles from any online dating site, since many try their best to keep you from leaving, but fortunately OkCupid is one of the better sites in this regard. Below you will find a step by step guide on how to remove your account from OKC.

Step 1

First, log in to your OkCupid.com account and go to the main page. You should see your profile picture in the upper left hand corner with three small links to the right of it, listed as ‘My Profile’, ‘Upload a Photo’, and ‘Settings’. You want to click on the ‘Settings’ link as shown in the following image:

Step 2

Now you will be on the Settings page where you should see a row of tabbed links near the top listed as: ‘Account’, ‘Hidden Users’, ‘IMs’, and ‘Delete/Disable’. You want to click on the ‘Delete/Disable’ tab link as shown in the next image:

Step 3

Now you will be on the ‘Delete/Disable’ tab and will be shown two different options for what to do with your account. It’s useful to read what’s on this page since it might be important in your final decision.

The first option of deleting your account is PERMANENT and all information is removed from OkCupids databased with the exception of the User Name that you used. This is important because if you ever wanted to use that user name again, it will be forever locked away. The good news is that should you decide to create a brand new OKC account, then you will be able to use your old email to sign up again. Just be warned though, everything else will be completely deleted from their database and unrecoverable.

The second option which is much safer and recommended is to disable your account. This makes your profile appear as if it has been deleted by other people on the site. However, if you did choose to go back to the site some day, you still be able to recover your profile as you left it and still be able to use your user name.

Step 4

Once you’ve decide whether you want to either delete or disable your account and profile, then scroll down to the bottom of the page. Check off any of the check boxes to indicate why you are leaving. Then enter your password below that, and finally click on either the ‘Delete’ or ‘Disable’ button as show in the image below:

Once you click the ‘Delete’ button, you will likely get a pop asking to confirm it one last time and if you are sure you want to go through with it, then go ahead and click the ‘Ok’ button.

That’s it!

Hopefully you were successful in accomplishing what you wanted, but if not, and you still have questions or you are still confused by the OkCupid deletion process then feel free to ask in the comments below and I will do my best find an answer for you

Why Your Dating Site Date Won’t Call

Matt Savage — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:16:04 +0000

We all know immediately when a date isn’t working out. There are awkward pauses, uncomfortable silence and the feeling that we would be better off at home, alone in our pajamas watching whatever was on television. But sometimes, after meeting someone particularly special on a dating site, the date will go great. The two of you are engaged and energetic and really seem to enjoy each other’s company. At the end of the date there are promises to get together soon. And then nothing. Nothing happens. Your phone doesn’t ring. Your email box remains empty. You scour your memory of the night of the date trying to recall if you said or did anything wrong. But your conscious is clear.

It’s an age-old dilemma that daters have been puzzling about forever. After experiencing a wonderful evening out where two people seem to hit it off, enjoy each other’s company and had a lot of fun, why does one person suddenly disappear? Obviously, there are many reasons why that might happen, and most of the time, you will never know. Initially, you might think the worst has occurred because you cannot actually believe he’s avoiding you after the terrific time you had. But as realization sets in, you realize he’s not going to call and you will always wonder why.

It’s all about the timing. As tired as many of you may be hearing that excuse, it’s often the case. Sometimes, certain people are simply not ready to begin a serious relationship. They probably did have a great time with you on your date, but if they sense that you are looking for someone who is in it for the long run, they may get cold feet and bail. Avoiding and ignoring you is not the most mature way to handle things, but many people take this escape route to avoid conflict or confrontation.

A friend of mine had two amazing dates with a guy who seemed genuinely interested in her. They had met on a dating site and their first date was spectacular; the second date was even better. And then he was gone. Just like that. She went through the typical, “what did I do wrong?” phase, and then she realized she did nothing wrong. Eventually, she wound up calling him after a month had gone by and asked him point blank why he never contacted her. He told her he was scared to get involved. He thought she was amazing, but he wasn’t ready to see one person exclusively. He admitted to being a coward. He apologized profusely. She told him he was a fool and hung up the phone.

Online dating is a wonderful, modern way to meet people, but it can also leave your date with the feeling that you are easily dispensable. They may cut off contact entirely and believe there will be no ramifications. They simply disappear out of your life as quickly as they entered it. The best thing to do if this has happened to you is to let it go and move on. As difficult as that might be, it’s fruitless for you to try and get his attention back after he’s decided not to call you. He’s not ready. For whatever reason, he’s not capable of being in a relationship right now. So move on and find someone who treats you respectfully and calls you to thank you for an amazing date.

About the Author: Debbie Lamedman is a highly sought after dating expert. She writes regularly for datingsite.org

The 3 Things Women Look For in Online Dating

guestwriter — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 19:35:46 +0000

Anyone who’s done some online dating knows that there are a lot more than three things to look for, but women look for three things first. These three things define what women want in a potential mate. They also affect how many dates the man will get, how good those dates will be, and how good of a match the women who contact him will be to his personality and preferences. What are these top three crucial things?

Good Picture – This may sound shallow, but women want a good-looking man just as much as men want a good looking woman. The difference here is that our definitions of ‘good looking’ may vary. Most of us not looking at the size of your pecs, your six-pack, or your rear. We are looking at your face. The way you hold yourself. The look in your eyes. I’m not advocating a ‘smolder’, but an honest, clear picture is worth a thousand words. So you may be a little chunky or you haven’t lost all your acne or you wear glasses. So what? I’d rather see that now than see some fuzzy, off-centered webcam shot or a faraway pic of you on a mountain-top somewhere. Besides, what good will it do for you to hide what you look like in the long run? You will have to meet them in person sometime if you really are looking for a relationship. Weed out the overly-superficial now, but don’t scare away the normal people with a weirdo profile picture.
Confident but Not Cocky – Your profile says a lot about you. If you aren’t willing to put in the time to fill it out, then you aren’t willing to put in the time to create meaningful relationships either. But how do you fill out all those touchy-feely questions without sending the woman running? Simple. Be confident, but not cocky. You can talk about yourself. This is the place to do it. I don’t want to read an online dating profile about how great your hobby is or your dog, I want to read about you. But don’t go too far. I don’t want to read a list of awards you’ve won, the miles you’ve run, or the mountains you’ve climbed. Sure, you can mention them, in passing, but don’t make that the main focus of your profile. Perfect the balance of confident and strong without being overpowering and prideful.
Clear – Last but not least, be clear in what you want. If you are only interested in hot, skinny chicks with big boobs, say that. It’s not politically correct, but I’d rather dismiss you now than try to talk to you and find it out later. Maybe you’ll get one of those to flirt with you, you never know. Maybe you’re not that extreme, but you do prefer women who are shorter than you or like sports or like dogs or something reasonable. Say it. Even if I’m not that type, I’ll respect you for knowing what you want and not being afraid to ask for it. Believe me, women would be better off if we did the same thing.

These three things are just little hints for guys in what’s going on in a girl’s head. We look for so many things at once that it’s not even funny. You can’t hope to cover them all. But you can start out on the right foot by making sure you do at least these three things right. There are normal girls out there. The more reasonable and confident you are in your own profile, the more normal responses you’ll get. Oh, one last thing. If you’re not online consistently, don’t expect to get a lot of responses. You have to put time and effort in to get quality out. If that’s not for you, I suggest going back to the single’s bars.

Mary Edwards is one of the contributors and editors for dating websites. She is passionate about thought leadership writing, regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting and online dating community. She can be reached at edwardsmary936 AT gmail.com.

How an Online Dating Video Can Set You Apart

Matt Savage — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 23:30:27 +0000

I would have never thought that any type of online dating video site would ever take off, but if the production value of the profile videos were as good as the guy in the dating video above, then perhaps this is the type of edge that can give a regular guy an advantage over the better looking 1% of guys in the online dating pool and help online video dating really take off.

And even if you weren’t using an online video dating site then you could still use this tactic on a regular dating site like PlentyofFish or OkCupid by simply putting the URL to your online dating video somewhere in the text of your profile. Though if you do this, be careful to check the terms and policy of whatever site you are using to make sure they aren’t too strict about putting off-site URLs in your profile text. I don’t think it would be much of a problem, as long as it’s not spammy then you’d likely be OK.

Of Course, just like any aspect of an online dating profile, it pays off exponentially to put in a good effort and do it right. That goes the same for your profile pictures, your profile text, your email messages, and your online dating video (should you choose to go this route).

Clearly the dude above went all out and produced one of the best examples of a cocky funny dating video that I’ve ever seen. This type of cocky funny approach is well known in the seduction community and for an average looking guy like this, he’s able to display a confident and humorous approach to dating.

Now you might not have to go to the same lengths of production as this guy for a great video dating experience, but the approach you take does matter. The key things that you want to display are: confidence, non-neediness, and humor.

So we’ve seen a great example of what one should do for video dating, but how about what you shouldn’t do? Take a look at this next guy’s video:

As you can see this guy is a piece of work and a great example of what not to do. And I’m not saying this based on his looks alone, but his attitude and approach towards finding a girl on the PlentyofFish dating site. Basically the vibe that this second dude displays is one of neediness and helplessness. It’s very hard to respect someone who whines and complains about not being able to find a date, as if he is somehow entitled to a date just because he is a nice guy. I’m sorry but this is not a good approach.

Done right, online dating videos could really set you apart from the crowd, especially since not many people are doing this kind of approach; and since it has the ability for capturing and holding a prospects attention much more than a simple picture or page of profile text.

I’d be curious if any one out there has tried using video in their online dating efforts and if so, how did it go? Let us know in the comments below.

This article is a submission of the 18th Edition of the Carnival for Online Dating

Study Shows Attractive Men Also Have Confidently Written Dating Profiles

Matt Savage — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 03:48:39 +0000

The Mail Online published an interesting online dating article recently about a new University research study which compares the attractiveness of a man’s online dating profile picture and his profile text. The results were interesting, though I’m not that surprised at their findings.

Basically, the study got together one hundred male dating profiles and broke them up into groups of 25 based on either a guy’s picture OR his profile text. Then they had one hundred women rate either the profile photo or text of each, ensuring that no woman would rate both profile aspects for any particular man, making sure that there was no biased influence by having both picture and text in the same group.

So what were the findings? Well, they basically concluded that men who were rated attractive from their photos, also were rated attractive and confident based on their stand-alone profile text.

The same was true for men rated unattractive, who also had unattractive unconfident profile text. Essentially having a positive correlation between the attractiveness of one’s profile picture and the attractiveness on one’s profile text.

This is not surprising, since it makes sense that men who are better looking tend to be more confident, which often displays itself when those men communicate to the opposite gender, whether that be talking, non-verbal body language or the written word in this case.

So what does this mean for unattractive guys in the online dating world? Not much in my opinion, as there seems to be a consensus amongst the top online dating gurus that if you don’t at least have good attractive looking photos on your dating profile then it’s highly unlikely that your written word will do anything anyways, it just adds as a supplement to your profile picture. Which is why a guy’s first priority should be getting in shape, looking sharp, and learning how to be more photogenic.

Is it fair? Probably not, but it’s also not fair in the real world dating mareket either. In fact, I’d say the imbalance is far more skewed with Internet dating than meeting people in the real world where you have a fighting chance, and not becoming just another face on a page. There’s probably about 1% of guys who are really cleaning up in online and the rest of us 99% are left struggling for the scraps… it’s an outrage I tell ya – this is why we must OCCUPY PLENTY OF FISH!

How To Block or Hide Someone on OkCupid

Matt Savage — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 20:31:11 +0000

There typically comes a time in the online dating realm when you find yourself annoyed, uninterested or creeped out by a particular person on OkCupid whom you’d rather either completely hide from your browsing or outright block them from sending you further messages.

Now, on the OkCupid dating site, there are a few different ways on how you can block someone from interacting with you. Also it’s important to keep in mind that each of these methods only blocks or hides someone in certain ways, but not others, so it’s up to you to decide which methods to employ for that particularly creepy person who you don’t want to associate with.

How To Block Someone from Sending Messages on OkCupid

The first method is to stop someone from sending you OkCupid messages. You won’t be able to do this until the person actually sends you a message, but once they do, you simply scroll to the bottom of that message and click the “block him” or “block her” button next to the reply box, which looks like this:

After clicking this and confirming, this action should now stop that someone from sending you anymore messages.

How To Hide Someone’s Profile on OkCupid

There may also be times when you are browsing people’s profiles on OkCupid that you absolutely know that you are not interested in them. Fortunately, OkCupid makes the ability to hide those profiles very easy so that when browsing or searching in the future, the hidden profiles will no longer be shown to you.

To hide a person’s profile, you simply navigate to the top right of the person’s profile who you want to hide and click on the “Hide” button as shown below:

How To Block Non-OkCupid Users From Viewing Your Profile

There is also an option for making sure that only other OKCupid members who are signed in to the site can view your profile, as opposed to it being publicly viewable by anyone. This is a nice option to have you value some privacy where you may not want the entire world to know that you are on an online dating site.

In order to block non-members from seeing your profile, you simply go to your settings page by clicking on the “settings” link next to your profile picture in the top left corner. Once you get to the Settings page, you then click the check box under “profile options” where it says, “Make my profile viewable only by other members who are signed in, and do not use my profile in advertisements.” Then click on the green save button on the bottom right of the page as shown below: