As I reflect on personal style and public style, I can’t help noticing that simplicity is it’s own style. Every time I wear a plain white tank top and faded blue jeans, I feel much more in the spotlight than when I put on a coordinated outfit.  Simple style is a screamingly bold statement: I’m good.  I’m comfortable.

And while a life lived in just one shade of blue is perhaps not fully enjoyed, a healthy dose of simple style has been a grounding influence on me in the last few years.

Consider the following:

The effortless elegance of denim, worn to a soft, comfortable blue…

The easy conversations you’ve had while kicking around in your favorite sneakers, the ones you can’t wait to get a little dust on to take away the mall staleness…

The way the things you truly love make any outfit a bit magical….

The way the mildly overblown elegance of a classic chandelier is surprisingly well-matched by…

…the lacy decay of a rusted gate.

Simple style is about how things that have no business going together can blend seamlessly…

And the way a rumpled, well-loved bed is so much more inviting than a pristine one.

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One of the goals of simple living is to reduce the time that you spend doing work that you’re not passionate about and to replace it with time spent doing the things that you truly enjoy. One of the key ways to do this that often gets overlooked in the modern world is the option of bartering for the products and services that you need. You can offer products and services that you already have or that you enjoy doing to benefit others who in turn can provide you with the things that you need. You’ll be able to work less because you’ll be spending less money.

Basics of Bartering

The barter system was used a long time ago but was then replaced by the money system that we use today. Bartering is now making a come-back because of the fact that many people would prefer to trade their own goods and services than to have to work long hours to have the money to pay for those things. Bartering, at its very basic level, simply means that you trade something that you have for something that you want.

Why Barter?

Bartering allows you the freedom to offer different products and services to get your needs met. When you work at a job, you probably do the same basic tasks day in and day out. When you barter, you can do many different things that you enjoy to achieve the same goal. For example, let’s say that you currently spend money on a housecleaning service. Instead of working at your job to earn the money to pay the housekeeper, you could barter for housecleaning. In exchange for getting your house cleaned, you might offer goods that you make (homemade paper, soaps, quilts, whatever you enjoy crafting). Alternatively, you may trade your time doing babysitting, dogwalking, editing, graphic design or whatever it is that you like to do that your housekeeper needs to have done. You spend your time creatively and still get the things that you need.

How to Begin Bartering

To start bartering, you’ll want to sit down and make a list of the things that you can offer to someone else. Brainstorm everything that you are good at doing and that you also enjoy. If you’re a great cook or love to sew or you’re efficient at shopping for others then those things should go on your list.

Next you’ll want to figure out what you’d like to barter for. The first step is to identify all of the things that you currently pay for, especially services such as housecleaning or petsitting or daycare. Next you should add anything that you’d like to have but currently can’t afford (such as regular massage therapy sessions). Knowing what you need and what you can offer in exchange is the foundation for getting started.

Who to Barter With

Once you know what you’re interested in exchanging, you need to figure out who to barter with. Some of the places to look include:

• The people currently providing your services. You’d be surprised how many people would be willing to switch from a payment system to a barter system if you’d just ask. Even established businesses may be willing to offer a full or partial trade if you have a service (such as accounting or online promotion) that they can use.

• The people already in your life. Start putting the word out there among friends and family that you’re interested in bartering. Tell them to spread the word to their friends. Before you know it, a small barter system will be in place.

• Use an established online barter network. There are several sites out there that you can join to network with others who want to barter. Some of the most popular options are The Barter Directory, People Trading Services and Joe Barter.

• Check your online classifieds. Craigslist is an example of a classifieds site that offers a barter section. There are pros and cons to using a site like Craigslist (you’re at risk of scams) but it may be worth a look.

• Set up your own barter site with a blog. If you develop an online presence, you can get what you need. One example of such a site is BarterSauce.

Keep The Barter System Simple

Bartering can add a lot of benefits to your life. However, it can also get out of hand and make your life more complicated if you’re not careful. It’s important to make sure that the time you spend bartering is time that you enjoy. Some tips to assist you in keeping bartering simple include:

• Only trade for items and services that you truly want. People will offer you all sorts of stuff but you should stick to your short list of needs and wants when bartering.

• Determine what your time is worth. Even if you love what you’re doing for barter, your life can get complicated if you’re not getting your time’s worth out of the situation. Figure out what your hourly work is worth and try to make an even trade. For example, if you feel that your time is worth $40/hour then you should trade an hour’s worth of work for $40 of goods or services.

• Set boundaries and learn to say no. It’s tempting to commit to too many trades or to allow people bartering with you to delay their part of the bargain. Be fair and firm when bartering.

Bartering is a great way to get what you need without spending money or having to work too hard to pay for the costs. Done correctly, it builds a sense of community and allows you flexibility in how you get your needs met. Start slowly and see if bartering is for you!

Guest post by Kathryn Vercillo. Kathryn is a writer for Promotionalcodes.org.uk which gives away free promotion codes</a> and also publishes a frugal blog.Similar Posts:

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An unequal expectation of how much each person is supposed to give to the relationship

A person who claims “star status” in the friendship

A lack of flexibility and room to grow

Any of these sound uncomfortably familiar?  It may be time for some distance if you’ve got relationships with “toxic” written all over them.

Toxic friendships complicate your life in more ways than you may realize. These friends are more than needy, they’re parasitic.  Hours can slip by as you listen to their woes (which are rarely all that bad), and you find yourself wondering where your time is going and why you feel so bummed out.  Even worse, you may have a friend who likes to prop themself up subtly tearing you down and making comparisons between your lives (usually in their favor). Not cool. This adds stress to your life while taking away your time for positive, healthy interactions.  If you’re ready to simplify your life, you ignore examining your friendships at your own risk.

How to Identify a Toxic Friend

1.  You feel crappy after talking to them instead of uplifted.

2.  You’re afraid to tell them about some important aspect of your life because they’ve been unsupportive or downright rude about it in the past.

3.  You think of excuses not to take their calls or make plans with them.

4.  They’ve actively insulted you on more than the rare occasion. (Even the best of friends can disagree and fight, but these fights should be rare and resolvable.)

5.  You secretly imagine how good it would feel to throw a banana cream pie in their face.

6.  The treat other people in your life as competition instead of potential friends.

My Story of Toxic Train Wreckage

Here’s why I know how bad these friendships can be: I’ve been on both sides of the court.  Yeah, I have my share of victim stories about friends who were friends only if you agreed with them and gave them the spotlight.  I’ve got tales of woe about friends who were fabulous and fun, provided you didn’t try to cut into their time by (gasp!) dating and having romantic relationships. (You know, having a life outside of them?)

But here’s the truth: I’ve also been a terrible friend at times, not providing the attention and support needed and relying on the other person to stay in touch instead of reaching out myself.  Toxicity is truly a two-way street.

How to Break up with a Toxic Friend

In my experience, there are two ways to end a bad friendship: quickly and painfully or slowly and awkwardly.  Neither is fun. Neither is neat.  And neither is easy.

If you still want to keep this person in your life, just to a lesser degree:

1.  Stop responding to fake crisis calls. If you don’t drop everything to take their “I’m so devastated! My boss gave me a look that I think means he secretly hates me and that skank from marketing wore the same shirt as me” calls, they’ll find someone else who will.  Or they’ll deal with it.  Either way, it’s okay to step back and get off the first alert calling tree for non-emergencies.

2.  Address their concerns, but take more control of conversations. It’s okay to talk about you, or steer conversations away from pity parties and self-absorbed sagas. Be willing to disagree with them and deal with the consequences.

3.  Demonstrate that you won’t be insulted or belittled.  To be honest, I’ve never had much luck trying to call toxic people out when they’ve insulted me.  The best response I’ve gotten is, “I’m sorry you took what I said so personally.”  Much more effective has been ending conversations with sickening sweetness or just plain abruptness.  The message is clear: there is no reward for subtle digs and no games will be played.

4.  Be frighteningly honest. Some people really don’t recognize their own dramatic tendencies or consider your needs.  You can actually tell a person, “I really can’t listen to you describe every detail of your work shift.  Could you just tell me the best three things that happened to you and leave it at that?”  You can also be honest if their overly negative attitude is what’s driving you away: “I’m trying to focus on positive things.  What’s something good that we can talk about?”  It may work and it may not, but your honesty will ensure that any friendship that continues on is built on mutually beneficial ground.

If you just want to end your relationship with the person in question:

1. Stop taking their calls completely. If you’re stuck seeing them on a regular basis, like a coworker, keep things on a purely business level.  Find a reason to leave and excuse yourself as needed.  It’s passive aggressive to expect avoidance to handle the problem, but it’s an important component.  You can’t break up if you still chat like always.

2.  Tell the truth. If you’ve got good reasons for cutting a truly toxic influence off, you can let them know honestly (without being cruel).  “I just can’t be friends with you right now” isn’t fun to hear, but it has the benefit of putting everybody on the same page.

3.  Find friends worth having. Seriously.  Give your time to friends you connect with and enjoy.  The long shadows of toxic folks shrink considerably when you’ve got better things to do with your time than worry about their moods.

Finally, Be a Good Friend

It doesn’t help to cut toxic friends out of your life if you’re not ready to foster quality friendships.  On occasion, you may find that the toxicity of a friendship drains away when you start being a better friend yourself. (Seriously, I’m not trying to preach; this is something I’m working on in my life.)  Make that first call, offer a genuine compliment, schedule a fun outing with another person in mind, send that ridiculously funny card for no real reason—there are tons of ways to build your friendships.  When you’re surrounded by good friends and good intentions, it’s amazing how little room is left for pettiness and toxicity.

The floor is yours: what are your experiences with toxic friendships? How can you recognize them? What can you do about it? Please share your thoughts in the comments and, of course, play nice.Similar Posts:

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Do One Thing That Scares You

This one has become a cliche, but that doesn’t make it irrelevant.  (Please don’t run into traffic just to get heart rate up, though.)  Seek out fears that may be holding you back from trying new things.  Talk to that cute girl on the bus.  Negotiate a deal.  Present an idea at work.  Attempt a ridiculously complex meal.  When you regularly do things that kind of freak you out, you stretch your boundaries and create a much bigger, more rewarding comfort zone to play in.  “Safe” and “stuck” don’t have to be synonymous.

Do One Thing That Soothes You

The world doesn’t have to take care of you: you can take care of yourself.  You need to take care of yourself.   If you’re angry, find a way to release it.  If you’re frustrated, do something nice for yourself.  If you’re tired and cranky, enjoy a treat instead of martyring yourself for no good reason.  Take a moment, just once a day, to make yourself feel good, and remind yourself that you’re responsible for your own happiness.

Do One Thing for Someone Else

Being selfless feels good—more than one study has demonstrated this.  (Kind of throws a kink in the “selflessness” of the act, but we won’t worry about that…)  Taking time to do a kindness for another person reminds you of the reasons you have to be thankful, all while strengthening your relationships with others.  If you give and truly expect nothing in return, it’s rare to have any regrets about it.

Do One Thing for the Future

The future is a pretty fluid concept here: next week, next month, your 80th birthday…  You can transfer funds to your savings accout, spend time talking with your child, do some yoga as part of a weight loss plan, anything that gets you one step closer to your goals for the future.  Regardless of whether you’re learning French for next year’s trip or making a quilt to be passed down for generations, you need to stay connected with your future on a regular basis.  That’s where some of your best moments are yet to be realized.Similar Posts:

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Do you ever:

Save your best new shirt for an important occasion?

Pull out your stylish glassware only for company?

Wear your nice PJs for when you might be seen?

Use your moleskin only for out-and-about brainstorming?

Own guest towels that are way nicer than the ones you use on a daily basis?

A Little Luxury Goes a Long Way

Consider switching your routines up and save your best luxuries for the privacy of your own home, on your own time. It doesn’t take any extra money, so no worries about blowing your disposable income for the month on a whim.  And it doesn’t take any time out of your life either.  Enjoying your pre-existing treats on your own time is about the least complicated way to make your life luxurious without any complication. It’s really just a matter of chucking self-imposed limitations out the window.

The hardest part, really, is getting used to treating yourself. It feels positively sinful to “waste” those perfectly good items on just yourself, doesn’t it?  (I just about broke into hives when I started using my “good” Fiestaware for everyday use.  By the time I actually broke a mug, it was almost a relief to get it over with.)

Remember: It’s Just Stuff, and You’re Worth It

There’s a good chance that most of us have a few luxurious, treasured, or special items tucked away, waiting to be pulled out to impress the right person.  Guess what?  You are the right person!

When there’s no one around to compliment your excellent taste or burn with jealousy at your cool possessions, you can truly start enjoying things for their genuine qualities, not their perceived value.  Not only are you upgrading your life a notch without any real work, you can start to let go of the need to impress others.

What’s the worst that could happen?  You might actually get the full usage out of an item before it wears out?  You might enjoy your favorite possessions and rituals?  Hmm.  Sounds like dangerous living in the best possible way…

What do you think? Does luxury have to be shared or showed to be enjoyed?  If an expensive bottle of champagne is consumed in private, does it still taste as good? Drop your thoughts into the comments; I’d love to hear any ideas or examples you think of!Similar Posts:

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