Now I am thinking about being real again. This week, in the news world and the blogging world, we have seen LOTS of compliments, complaints an even just discussions on Time magazine’s cover image of a breastfeeding toddler. Now I am not here to jump into the fray about that subject matter but felt the need to make a statement more about the headline itself.

“Are you Mom enough?”

This is gross, to put it bluntly. And so unfair. What has happened in society that everywhere we turn moms are now being constantly pitted against each other. Whether work vs. stay at home, breast vs. bottle, or even how pretty our houses are, how perfectly healthy our cookies are.

I admit to being swayed by it. Last week the confession of my house not being as tidy as my pictures was a hard one. Because that’s my trigger. Yours may be guilt over bottle feeding or not serving organic food. Heck most women, not just mothers, have concerns with their appearance and what that says about them (I FULLY admit to that one!). What ever your guilt is, it has to stop.

We can only fight the media by ignoring it. By showing our real selves to each other and embracing what we see. Don’t judge another mother’s choice. Don’t feel better or worse when that choice is different than yours. Because it isn’t. Better or worse. It’s simply different.

There are no awards being handed out. No gold stars to show off. There is just compassion and understanding. And the joy in living a life where you aren’t afraid to be you.

So all that rambling over, I thought I would share with you EXACTLY what my house looks like this morning. And since I do have an appreciation for pretty, I will admit to using instagram to make my messes a little more photogenic. :)

And what is on my agenda today? Swimming lessons, a dance recital and somewhere in there I guess I will tidy up. Because I like a tidy sparkly house. I am just trying to tell myself not to stress about it everyday.

I plan to keep working at it.

Here is my morning via instagram:

So here goes:

1. I fluctuate between being super organized and REALLY messy. If I can’t put something away in its orderly, labelled spot, I won’t put it anywhere. Which means that often a room or the whole house looks like a landfill until I actually gather up the energy or desire to do something about it. Often this coincides with someone coming to visit and/or a new project in the house.

2. I wish girdles were still in style. Or corsets. I actually studied costume design (before graphic design) and wore a corset for hours and KNOW how uncomfortable they are BUT still think it would be easier to live in a time where a fashionable shape could be, well, fashioned. Instead of expecting our natural bodies to conform to some unrealistic size and or shape. Of course better than this would be NO fashionable shape at all. But I am not sure how we would do that either.

3. I constantly think I have bad breath and it makes me REALLY insecure. I have had a problem tooth for 3 years now and because my dentist is not in my current city but my hometown, most times when I see him we focus on this problem only. Which means I have not had a good cleaning in over 2 years and I worry that it is “showing”. I have one booked this month as well as an apt to finally fix the problem tooth. I can’t wait.

4. I am ridiculously affected by others opinions of me. I remember every negative thing ever said about me and who said it. Even the ones not said to my face but told to me later. Because of this, I never feel quite good enough.

5. I don’t love design. This is my full time job (hence why posts are often few and far between) and I am good at it (not great at it) but I don’t love it. I like it. But if I was to pick a true passion to do everyday for the rest of my life it would be something to do with houses – staging, organizing, decorating. That is what I wish I could spend more time doing. Maybe someday.

6. I am still really forgetful. As a kid I always forgot my homework, or project, or whatever else I needed to bring to school. As a mom, I worry that I am passing this trait on. I have forgotten to send things with the kids more than I would like to admit and even just the other day ran inside as the bus was coming to grab my son’s swim gear before he got on the bus. I am totally winging it the best that I can.

7. I am envious of bloggers who post more than me, who have time to do weekly projects, to make their house prettier step by step. And then I don’t feel good enough and think I shouldn’t post at all. And then I remember that I don’t care and will create content at my own pace. For me.

{deep breath} o.k I think that is enough. Wow! This is going to be hard to hit publish. But here goes…

If you want to read more of these amazing and “real” posts, go over to EZ’s blog Creature Comforts and read some more.

In the meantime, I started to think about the reasons I love and don’t love about working from home. Don’t get me wrong, I mostly LOVE it and wouldn’t want to be in any other type of situation but there are things that I deal with that aren’t so great.

my cozy slippers

1. LOVE: That I don’t have to leave the house during the work day and that my attire pretty much is comfy clothes and slippers.

   DON’T LOVE: That I no longer have any style… seriously, comfy pants and slippers???

2. LOVE: That I get to set my own hours and work around doctor’s appts, school functions, soccer games, etc.

   DON’T LOVE: That also means I work weekends, nights and at 5am in order to get the work done.

3. LOVE: That whenever I have an idea it is easy to just pop down and do some work. It is just right there.

   DON’T LOVE: That work is always JUST RIGHT THERE! I don’t get that instant relaxed feeling when leaving the office at the end of the day.

4. LOVE: That I get to set my own income and workload.

   DON’T LOVE: That I have to pay into taxes every year. I have not had a refund in over 10 years. No enjoyable cheque.

5. LOVE: That I have the ability to work for myself and create a career that suits me perfectly.

   DON’T LOVE: That I work by myself. It can get pretty darn lonely somedays. Kona the dog just doesn’t appreciate my water cooler humour!

Anyway, that is a glimpse into my world as messy and chaotic as it sometimes can be.

And now, now that the frames have been created and the soil has been laid, I am excited. The idea of having fresh vegetables, fruit, and spices just makes me eager for summer. Which is ironic when you realize while creating a garden that impatience just doesn’t work.

This process is a learning one for us. We are eagerly figuring it out as we go. Of course you won’t catch us testing soil and suddenly perusing the horticulture section at the library. :) We just plan to plant some seeds and watch them grow. It really is that simple.

I mean, obviously gardening is not a natural thing for me nor is it a true passion of mine. If it was, I wouldn’t be 37 years old planting my first garden. And I know myself well enough to know that I won’t be spending hours toiling in the earth even when these seeds take root. That being said, I am excited and I know this will enrich me somehow. That I will grow alongside it.

In this day and age of information, sometimes it is the striving for perfection that stalls us. It hinders us. When our ancestors had to plant food to, well, eat, they did JUST that. Simple. They planted.

I know the beauty of a field full of wildflowers. I am surrounded by trees thriving in the shadows of larger trees. I know that nature really has it’s own rules and that although we like to think we can control and manipulate nature that, sometimes, we don’t have to. We can just enjoy its process.

That is my plan. Just enjoy the process.

Of course I will definitely post the first time we reaps the rewards of our little garden. Even if it is mini peppers or tiny tomatoes. They will make me smile.

our garden boxes

[source: top picture adapted from Chiot's Run on flickr / garden box picture taken using instagram ]

But then I found Joel Dewberry. And I am OBSESSED!!

Here is a few from his line of fabric that I am drooling over and planning to use in pillows or other places in our house.

So pretty right? Maybe it is because he uses a lot of yellow, blue & green. Maybe it is because he balances between modern and country. But whatever it is, I love it all.