LABIA

invite you to the release, sharing and discussion of the report

Breaking The Binary
Understanding concerns and realities of
queer persons assigned gender female at birth
across a spectrum of lived gender identities

Saturday, May 11, 2013, 5 pm – 9 pm

at

Dhyana Ashram
New No 25 Old No 13, Mada Church Road
Mandavelipakkam (off Santhome High Road)
Chennai  600028.

The discussion will be in English and Tamil, and is being hosted in collaboration with Chennai-based groups The Shakti Resource Center, Orinam, Nirangal, RIOV, and the East-West Center for Counselling

Background:
In 2009-2010, LABIA initiated a research study based on 50 life history narratives of queer PAGFB (persons assigned gender female at birth), and aided by discussions with queer LBT and trans* groups. 11 of us (many of us members of LABIA) did the interviews, transcripts and initial analysis, and 4 of us have been doing the further analysis and writing.

Key findings have been presented at different conferences and some of the data has been published. Now we bring you the full report.

Through this study, we explore the circumstances and situations of queer PAGFB who are made to, or expected to, fit into society’s norms around gender and sexuality. We look at their experiences with natal families and in school; we chart their journey through intimate relationships and jobs; we attempt to understand what happens to them in public spaces, and how they are treated by various state agencies; we discover where they seek and find support, community, and a refuge from the violence and discrimination that mark far too many lives.

Most significantly, this research has given us new insights into gender itself, which we feel are crucial additions to the current discourse in both queer and feminist spaces. Finally, the study flags areas of particular concern, and highlights some necessary interventions.

We ourselves are amazed at the richness and complexity of our findings and are impelled by the need to share these as widely as possible with all queer and feminist groups and individuals, activists and academics, all people working specifically with LBT persons as well as broadly in the areas of gender and sexuality — and of course all of us who are interested in knowing more about our selves.

So do join us for an intense, engaging, stimulating afternoon of presentations in English and Tamil, with time for questions and discussion (and most certainly for tea and snacks).

Hoping very much to see you there, and looking forward to your comments and feedback!

LABIA

Media contact for information on the study: Chayanika Shah (LABIA) may be reached at 98335-38611 and chayanikashah@gmail.com.

For directions to the venue: Call 98415-57983 (English) or 98406-99776 (Tamil)

Source: C Palaniappan, The Hindu

Hearty congratulations to Living Smile Vidya on being awarded a scholarship by the Charles Wallace India Trust to pursue theatre in the UK.

Smiley is a writer, actor and artist who lives and works in Chennai. Her book  I am Vidya, published in Tamil, has been subsequently translated into English, Malayalam, Marathi and Kannada. She is also an accomplished actor, known for her work with Srijith Sundaram’s Kattiyakkaari production Molagapodi  as well as with other productions and directors. Her art work has won acclaim at both queer and mainstream exhibitions. She has also worked in Tamil and Malayalam movies as Assistant Director.

We also draw the attention of readers to her reflections on being a Dalit transwoman and feminist, in this excerpt of a conversation with Kaveri Karthik and Gee Ameena Suleiman in Bangalore.

Source: Liam Richards, The Canadian Press, in thespec.com

Congratulations to Rohit Singh, transwoman of Indian origin, who got married on April 29, 2013. The refusal of Jenny’s Bridal Boutique to allow her to try on a bridal gown, on the grounds that it would make other customers uncomfortable, sparked a protest by Gender Equality Society of Saskatchewan, and support from multiple quarters.

The Canadian Press wrote:

“Singh said she went to the store on April 21 with her fiancee and a friend and when they selected a dress, they asked to try it on. Singh said the person working at the store assumed that it was for her female friend.

When they explained that the dress was for Singh, the situation went downhill.

“She said, ‘Oh, I don’t allow men to wear dresses in my store.’ I explained to her that I’m not a man, I’m a transgender and my sex-change procedure is going on,” Singh said.

“She told me, ‘It doesn’t matter to me.’ And then she snatched that dress from my hand.”

Singh said she left the shop in tears.

Many people from across North America have expressed scorn for the bridal store on social media.

Singh said she intends to lodge a complaint with the Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission.

“I’m damn sure it was discrimination,” Singh said. “She told me, ‘You look like a man and I don’t think men can wear dresses as females’.”

Singh said she later found a dress at another store in Saskatoon, where she said staff were friendly and helpful.

Singh, who is originally from India, explained that she met her fiancee while she was doing a master’s in biotechnology at the University of Toronto.”

Source: Liam Richards, The Canadian Press, in thespec.com

Singh did manage to get a bridal dress at another store, My Lynh Bridal, where she is reported to have received excellent service.

Sources: http://www.thespec.com/news/canada/article/929156–transgendered-bride-attends-rally-at-saskatoon-store-she-says-refused-to-let-her-try-dress

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/05/05/canada-dozens-protest-as-bridal-shop-refuses-to-allow-trans-woman-to-try-on-wedding-dress/

Accepting this fact about our orientation is a tough choice. For a long time, I had chosen not to. All along, I had been playing around sexually, but not once had I given serious thought to who I actually was.  A choice that society almost always denies us. A choice we choose to ignore or deny to ourselves.  We choose not to create an identity. Instead, we are content with what identity is handed over to us by default.

Accepting who I was was not easy. For a long time, I chose to ignore serious introspection, and led a happy double life. I was always attracted to men, but was equally flirtatious with women in college. I was very sure that I wanted to get married, just to please my parents, and, by extension, the society at large. I even had a girlfriend back in college and a supposedly serious relationship with a girl when I entered the workforce. This was last year. We even discussed the idea of getting married and settling down in a tier two city of Tamil Nadu. Yes, my self-denial was serious.

However, even when I was with her, something kept nagging me. A puny childish voice inside me kept whimpering; trying hard to speak up, to scream out. A voice that I had kept contained for such a long time that it had almost gone silent. I was content with that. Or so I thought. Every single day, I kept denying who I was. A few times, I have even prayed to God to “correct me”. Scores of times, I have deactivated my profile on a gay chatroom, only to re-activate it again. But not once did I delete it, knowing full well I could not.

And then came a chance. A dream to study abroad.  It has been close to a year now since I moved out of India. A lot has changed in this year. I have put on some weight, lost some more. I have made some really good friends and visited two other countries. I broke up with my girlfriend from work, although we are still on talking terms. But more than anything, I have mustered up enough confidence – confidence to accept who I am; confident to say I am 100% gay, confident I will not get married to a girl and spoil another human’s life; confident to come out to a really close friend.

But this has not been easy. The past year has indeed been a learning lesson. I have learnt the value of being true to myself. And that has made me happy. More than anything, that has made me proud. True, the path ahead is going to be difficult. Coming out to my parents is going to be one tough job. But I don’t have to deny myself my reality.

My learning journey over this past year has, thankfully, not been a lonely one. I have gained a few good friends in the community who have transformed me; who have accepted me as one of their own. They have made me realize it is okay to be gay. Now, I am a content man.

True, I haven’t really told a lot of people who I am. True, I don’t have too many friends in the community (and I hope that changes). But atleast I am secure and proud in the knowledge of my sexuality.  True, coming out to others may be a really wonderful feeling, but accepting who we are is a lot more satisfying. Atleast to me, for now.

I dedicate this post to all the wonderful people who have made my journey possible.

We at Orinam are heartbroken by the recent Delhi incident. We hope things will change for the better and women in India and across the world will be treated with the respect and dignity they deserve.

Orinam contributor Suri and author Mahesh Natarajan share their thoughts on the incident.

Suri says:

“I think Delhi is a land where everybody is somebody. It’s full of politically powerful people. So to reaffirm one’s feeling of power, or to compensate for one’s lack of it, they resort to overpowering the bodies of cows and five-year-olds. It’s just what I think. This has clearly gotten out-of-hand.

And I hope everyone here knows by now that rape is not about sex but about domination. Power. Control. Hence men also rape with objects, i.e, candles, bottle, rods. Hence, disembowelment, strangulation.

It’s not about orgasm. It’s about owning someone or something and proving you are the boss. To yourself.”

Mahesh Natarajan says:

“We make the vagina, penis and anus such mysterious, taboo subjects for kids, teach them male superiority through our domestic lives, popular culture and religion, show them the system is broken, that people do get away with murder, encourage them to put themselves first at all times, demonstrate that it is okay to dump our garbage in the neighbors or the street, that the other is inferior, celebrate sexual conquests and raw machismo.

We systematically take away any natural empathy, leave space for the cruel explorations of power and curiosity, and then wonder how hormone crazed youth go so completely berserk, question what kind of curiosity will need them to shove injection vials and what not in these body parts, why they treat their penises like gods and vaginas/anuses like garbage chutes, or shove their penises wherever, and we are so outraged, we want to hang them.

We need to wake up to this basic need to develop empathy, both in ourselves and in our kids. Safety does not lie only in teaching the vulnerable to stay away from risk – we need to teach empathy to the more powerful.”

 Related readings:

• “This is about you and me”: RJ Balaji on Men
• Ghosts of things past: a male rape survivor speaks
• Age 7
• No more Raksha Bandhan!
• Tamil Translation of Kavita’s speech on Violence Against Women
• Cartoons on Gender Equality

Source: The Hindu

Justice Verma passed away yesterday and will be remembered by the queer community for more than one reason.

First of it is his order as the head of the News Broadcasting Standards Authority against TV9 for their programme “Gay Culture Rampant in Hyderabad”. Taking suo moto (on its own motion) cognizance of the matter, he passed an order directing TV9 to pay a fine of Rs.1,00,000/- and to telecast a public apology for three consecutive days, both in English and Telugu.

In his order, Justice Verma notes, “In effect what the content of the Programme clearly did was; instead of carrying a “crime story” it merely carried evidently a gratuitous depiction and reportage of homosexuality among men without any underlying serious message for the society; the Programme needlessly violated the right to privacy of individuals with possible alternate sexual orientation, no longer considered taboo or a criminal act; and the Programme misused the special tool of a “sting operation” available only to subserve the larger public interest”.

The second of the reasons would be the immense contribution that the Committee headed by Justice Verma made in addressing sexuality concerns while recommending changes to rape laws. The report inter alia recommended that sexual assault be made gender neutral thus understanding the gendered nature of sexual violence. A detailed analysis of the Verma Committee Report by Orinam is available here.

Finally, Justice Verma authored the landmark judgment in Vishaka vs. State of Rajasthan wherein he held that sexual harassment at the work place is violative of the right to equaity of women. He has been a strong proponent of judicial accountability and also ably chaired the National Commission for Human Rights. His career is a reflection of his belief in human rights. He will be remembered most for his actions that uphold this conviction.

The best tribute to him would be to implement the recommendations of the Verma Committee Report in toto and to uphold human rights for all.

source: Wikimedia

We at Orinam register our condolences at the passing of Shakuntala Devi today (Sunday, April 21, 2013) in Bangalore. Born in 1939, Shakuntala Devi rose to fame as a computational wizard at the age of five, and went on to achieve international acclaim as a mathematician. In 1977, the same year she extracted the 23rd root of a 201-digit number mentally, she also published “The World of Homosexuals”, typically the last book to be mentioned in any biographic account of hers.

World of Homosexuals, by Shakuntala Devi (1977)

The book, consisting of interviews with homosexual men in India and a same-sex couple in Canada, is remarkable for its progressive approach to the subject. Twenty four years after the publication of this book, Shakuntala Devi, speaking out in Vismita Gupta-Smith’s documentary “For Straights Only” [2001], said that the book was motivated by her marriage to a homosexual man.  The marriage was a failure, but instead of reacting in a homophobic manner, she felt the need to look at the subject of homosexuality more closely and try to understand it. In her words ”My only qualification for writing this book is that I am a human being.”

Featured in the book are interviews with “Venkata Subramaniam”, a senior company executive who narrates his self-discovery of homosexuality, and the double existence he plans to lead with his same-sex lover and the woman his parents have chosen for him. Another interview is with a young man who has come out to his parents by way of explaining why his does not want to get married to a woman. She has also interviewed Srinivasa Raghavachariar, head-priest of the Srirangam temple in Tiruchirapally district, who opines that same-sex lovers must have been opposite-sex lovers in a previous birth.

Here are some quotes from Shakuntala Devi’s book.

“Immorality does not consist in being different. It consists in not allowing others to be so. It is not the individual whose sexual relations depart from the social custom who is immoral – but those are immoral who would penalize him for being different. A law-abiding citizen who respects the rights and dignities of others, if he is made to suffer merely for deviating from the conventional norm, is not the offender – he is the victim”.

“What we know is that many decent, intelligent, moral and apparently normal people find their own sex more exciting than the opposite sex. They are found in all walks of life and in all professions. If homosexuals want to live within the discipline of society, what does the society expect them to do? Live a life of total celibacy?

“An important question that arises in the thinking members of society is  -  must then these millions who already exist and tens of millions yet to be born be condemned to misery, loneliness and degradation?

“The time is overdue now, when rather than pretending that homosexuals don’t exist, or hoping to eradicate them by the sheer weight of disapproval or prison sentences, we face the facts squarely in the eye and find room for them so that they can live unfettered and unmolested, and make their contribution to the common good of community”

“On this level nothing less than full and complete acceptance will serve – not tolerance and not sympathy.”

Amazing stuff, this!

We close on a non-queer theme by paying tribute to Shakuntala Devi’s first love, mathematics, in her own words. The following, from “Mathability” is her almost evangelical plea for people to take up the subject.

Hollywood actor Ben Affleck in support of his cousin Jason, who identifies as gay.
Image source: stayclose.org

We love our cousins. The relationship we share with them is unique and special. They are our friends within the family. That is why it is important for cousins to support one another. Here are 6 things straight cousins can do to support their queer* cousins

[*Queer - An all inclusive term for Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgenders, Intersex, Questioning people]

1) Show them you care: Coming out is a difficult and stressful process for a queer person. If and when your cousin comes out to you, be supportive. Show your cousin that nothing has changed between you. In your mind that could very well be the case, but it is important to communicate your support clearly and explicitly. Pay attention to their life and get involved. Don’t avoid talking about their issues and struggles, both personal and political, just because they are not relevant to you.

Here is an example:  When India decriminalized homosexuality in 2009, I was excited beyond words and posted the news on social media, saying that was the best day of my life. I got zero likes from my extended family. Nobody cared. On the same day one of my cousins posted that he got tickets to the next AR Rahman concert. He got 23 likes and several “Awesome!”, “Congrats” comments. Do you get the picture?

2) Talk to their parents: Ask your queer cousin if they would like you to talk to their parents. Being a family member, your perspective is unique and will have a greater impact on your cousin’s parents (sometimes even more than friends, counsellors and psychiatrists). Tell them you love your cousin for who they are. Tell them your cousin’s sexuality or gender identity is not something the parent should worry about. Tell them you have your cousin’s back and also theirs. Most often, the main concern for parents of queer children is how family members will react to the news. Needless to say, your assurance and support will go a long way.

3) Talk to your parents: This is something only you can do. If your cousin doesn’t want to be outed to the extended family, you can still talk to your parents in generic terms. Ask your parents how they would react if they come to know about a queer person in the extended family. Educate them about queer issues and prepare them. If everybody is in agreement, you can even facilitate a discussion among your parents, your cousin and/or their parents. After all, that is what families do: be there for each other and help each other to face challenges in life.

4) Step in and stop the “marriage harassment”: It is very common for aunties and uncles in Indian families to constantly harass young, unmarried people about marriage (I know they mean well, blah, blah, blah). Weddings, funerals, temples, supermarkets, crowded train stations, bathrooms, beauty parlours, gyms, no place or time is off limits when it comes to this. Aunties and uncles are relentless. If you see your queer cousin (for that matter, any single cousin) being harassed, say something. Often they struggle to defend themselves and your help will be very much appreciated. Tell the aunty (or uncle) politely but firmly that marriage is a personal matter and it is not appropriate to constantly ask someone when they are getting married or offer them a laundry list of eligible candidates. PS: Sometimes that aunty could be your mom, but remember to do the right thing

5) Be an ally: Don’t hesitate to call out homophobia, biphobia or transphobia within your extended family. Be it family get togethers, weddings or dinner parties, if you witness phobic comments or actions, confront them head on. Tell the family member that it is not okay to make such comments or act that way. Don’t wait for your queer cousin to say something, even if they are out to the family. Your words, as a straight ally, usually carries more weight.

6) Lead by example: Show in actions that you love your cousin for who they are. Send a clear message to your extended family that the queer cousin can’t be treated differently than the straight ones. If your cousin is married or dating someone, invite their spouse or date to family occasions. Treat them like you treat the significant others of your straight cousins. If your cousin is transgender, respect their gender identity, use correct pronouns and send a message to the family that you wholeheartedly support your cousin. Before you know, others will follow.

Note: All of the above are also applicable to siblings.

Are you a supportive cousin or sibling? Or are you a queer person who has one? We would love to hear fro you. Share your story with us using the comment box below.

I’m going to mention a few things that have helped get through this hard phase of mine, in the hopes that it might help someone else.

1) Don’t give up: There’s a beautiful saying, “After the darkest night comes the brightest dawn” . I was lucky enough to stumble onto this wonderful piece of wisdom at the onset of my most horrible years. I have clung onto that with everything I had and it has seen me through to the other side. It is a matter of holding on with everything you have and more and riding the storm. It will get better.

2) My Faith: The grace of God saved me from committing suicide. Slowly but surely I started to place my trust in the Almighty and was able to save myself from insanity. Whatever you believe in, Ram or Allah or Jesus or Nature or anything else, stick with it. Don’t let go of it just because you are having a hard time. Faith in something is better than no faith at all.

3) Find someplace to hibernate: One of the first things I did,was to move back home to the safety and comfort of my folk’s place. There is nothing like being somewhere, that gives you security and peace and warmth. And then hibernate. I would imagine I was a bear and that all the I had to do was sleep and eat and sleep again. And that’s what I did. For 3 months I did not leave my house other than very occasionally. I slept most of the time . I did feel like a bum, but I realised that my body, mind, soul and spirit needed it.

4) Try and look to the future: No matter how bad or dark or depressing the present is, it will not be the same way in the next month or year. It is very difficult to put ourselves in a positive frame of mind, but that’s what we must try to do. Positive thoughts and actions are so essential to help us move on and get through what we are going through right now.

5) Cheer yourself up: It is human nature to expect other people to cheer you up when you’re down. But for how long. Make an effort to get better yourself. Exercise, watch a dozen comedies,read a book, meditate, pray. Do whatever needs to be done to get yourself out of that sad and hopeless frame of mind. You are your own master. So act like it.

I hope this helps. Is there anything else that, you dear readers, have done that has helped? Do leave us a comment and let us know.

Orinam editors’ note: This is one of a series of articles on Orinam that discuss living and coping with depression. Also see Vinodhan’s essays Storms Without Warnings and Spells and Charms.  For readers who would like to learn more about coping with depression, a guide on mental health for LGBT people developed by Ireland’s Health Service Executive mental health project is available here. Additional resources are being developed by Orinam and will soon be available here.

Chennai has been organizing LGBT film screenings since 2004, including film festivals in 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2012. Local groups have also organized film screenings during Pride month and at other times of the year.

This year, we are pleased to bring you Reel Desires: Chennai International Queer Film Festival 2013, a collaborative effort between Orinam and Goethe Institut/ Max Mueller Bhavan, Chennai, with the support of other local collectives.

The festival will be held on three evenings from July 11-13, 2013, and will showcase Indian and international feature films, shorts and documentaries. There will also be a panel discussion.

We invite entries of feature-length films, shorts and documentaries for screening at the event. Entries will be reviewed by a panel, and selections notified by 15 May 2013.

If you are interested in having your work considered for this festival, please email orinamwebber@gmail.com or use the form below

Reel Desires: CIQFF 2013 Call for Submissions

Visit http://chennaiintlqueerfilmfest.blogspot.in/ for updates.

* Orinam is a Chennai-based collective that has been working for the past ten years with LGBT communities through local social and support events, online and offline resources, advocacy and the arts. For more information see www.orinam.net, follow us on twitter @chennaipride, visit us on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/groups/323829627740270/ or contact us at 9841557983 or using our contact form

To submit an entry for consideration, please use the form below: