Other Such Happenings

Hellooo, Ian!

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 21:03:00 +0000

Over three years of praying and hoping... and here you are!

Our gift from God.

January 13, 2012

6:45 pm

4 lbs 15 oz

17 inches long

We were surprised when you decided to join us 6 weeks early.

Two weeks in the NICU and your big brothers were only able to see you twice through the window.

When you finally came home, they couldn't wait to hold you and touch you and kiss you!

Halmonee and Grandpa flew halfway around the world to see you. I was so glad that you were able to come home before they had to leave to go back to their home!

Daddy can hold you for hours on end.

And he does.

Welcome to the world, little coconut!

Merry Christmas from Guam!

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 12:20:00 +0000

As we end our Christmas Day here in Guam, most of our family and friends are waking up to begin theirs.

We had fun Saturday evening with friends and didn't end up opening gifts until we returned home at almost 11pm! Christmas program at church this morning and a quiet family day together. It has been rather uneventful and was probably the most low-key Christmas we have had in forever.

Thank you for praying for us! I only had one sobbing breakdown after Austin and Noah opened their gifts... It just went by too quickly and peacefully. I cherish their thank you's and hugs and kisses after each gift. And I wish that there was a rowdy 7yo blonde boy in the mix to liven things up and maybe cause a little trouble. The days leading up to this weekend were definitely more difficult than the weekend itself-- and for that I am thankful.

We never stop missing Christian, but praise God that it has gotten a little less hard over time. Learning to live joyfully side by side with sorrow is indeed a gift and only possible through God's mercy and grace.

I also want to ask you, dear friends, to please continue to pray for the Sims family as they mourn the loss of 4yo Josiah Courage, who passed away earlier this week.

My heart is so heavy for them.

The following excerpt from Streams in the Desert ministered greatly to my heart on our first Christmas without Christian.

A few years ago a striking Christmas card was published, with the title, "If Christ had not come." It was founded upon our Savior's words, "If I had not come." The card represented a clergyman falling into a short sleep in his study on Christmas morning and dreaming of a world into which Jesus had never come.

In his dream he found himself looking through his home, but there were no little stockings in the chimney corner, no Christmas bells or wreaths of holly, and no Christ to comfort, gladden and save. He walked out on the public street, but there was no church with its spire pointing to heaven. He came back and sat down in his library, but every book about the Savior had disappeared.

A ring at the doorbell, and a messenger asked him to visit a poor dying mother. He hastened with the weeping child and as he reached the home, he sat down and said, "I have something here that will comfort you." He opened his Bible to look for a familiar promise, but it ended at Malachi, and there was no gospel and no promise of hope and salvation, and he could only bow his head and weep with her in bitter despair.

Two days afterward he stood beside her coffin and conducted the funeral service, but there was no message of consolation, no word of a glorious resurrection, no open heaven, but only "dust to dust, ashes to ashes," and one long eternal farewell. he realized at length that "He had not come" and burst into tears and bitter weeping in his sorrowful dream.

Suddenly he awoke with a start, and a great shout of joy and praise burst from his lips as he heard his choir singing in his church close by:

O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant,

O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem;

Come and behold Him, born the King of Angels,

O come let us adore Him, Christ, the Lord.

Let us be glad and rejoice today, because "He has come." And let us remember the anunciation of the angel, "Behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people, for unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord" (Luke 2:10-11).

Merry Christmas from Guam!

And Merry Christmas from me! :-)

Thank you, Lord, for coming down in humble form to give us a future and a HOPE!

giving and receiving

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 12:01:00 +0000

I woke up in the middle of the night. I tried to go back to sleep but my mind started to race as fear and panic gripped my heart.

We live on an island surrounded by water... What were we thinking?! Austin will be taking scuba lessons soon... What if something happens to him? Oh Lord, will we have to live through loss from drowning once again? And this baby that you have been so good to give us, will he be taken from us too one day? I can't do this, God! When will it be easy? When will these crazy, tiresome thoughts finally end?

So many stories of loss and suffering... too much knowledge of what could go wrong... I want to hold tight to what I have. Yet the tighter I hold, the greater the fear... and the greater the foolishness in thinking that it is all up to me.

Christmas is a time of giving and receiving.

How easy it is for me to take for granted that the true owner of all that I have is God.

Thine, O LORD is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all. -I Chronicles 29:11

The view of the sky from my window...

My home, my body, my husband, my children...

Christmas 2007 - Our last Christmas together this side of Heaven

(That was such a fun Christmas! What a gift!)

Ian - 30 wks 5 days, 3 lbs 10 oz (How amazing is that?!) :-)

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. -I Corinthians 6:19-20

All the material things that I have, all the joy of the spirit that I have, all the comfort in sorrow that I have-- it is a GIFT from God.

I am not entitled, I am not deserving... and yet He gives.

How many times has He offered me gifts only to have me refuse, walk away or throw a fit? He offers to carry my burdens and tells me to trust Him. Isn't trust a gift?

To be able to trust... to have a God that is so Holy, just, right, loving, capable, all-knowing... and He is telling little, unworthy, fickle, emotional, bratty me that He WILL take care of me. That I can trust Him with my most prized possessions, my deepest hurts, my most fragile worries and fears.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
-I Peter 5:7

"It is God's will that I should cast
On Him my care each day;
He also bids me not to cast
My confidence away.
But, Oh! I am so stupid, that
When taken unawares,
I cast away all my confidence,
And carry all my cares."

-Author Unknown

GOD IS FAITHFUL.

How much better we would be if we would only trust Him and seek His face, if we would choose to look for His hand and blessings in our lives, rather than turn a blind eye in a tantrum when things don't happen the way we want them to happen?

Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today and forever.
-Hebrews 13:8

Remember God's track record. Remember His faithfulness in the past. See His faithfulness and care for you today. Don't turn a blind eye, but choose to SEE and acknowledge Him. Trust Him with your future.

God never fails, even when all seems lost and dark.

Don't continue to carry burdens that you were not meant to carry. Give it to God and receive peace in return.

when my heart is breaking

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 11:32:00 +0000

We went shoe shopping for Noah yesterday. There were so many adorable styles for little kids-- styles that Noah has long outgrown. He brought me a pair of red ones that he thought would be perfect for Ian one day. And then I found these fun Crocs that were in the shape of... well, crocodiles! And it made me smile for a moment.

Christian had a pair of black crocs that he loved to wear. They were in the shape of cars with little headlights at the toes.

We buried him in them.

The memory took me by surprise. It had been a long time since I had thought about the whole sucky process of deciding what clothes and shoes he should be buried in, right down to the red Power Ranger underwear. Agonizing. Heartbreaking.

All I could do was hold onto David and cry.

There are always those moments of tears and sadness that catch us off-guard. But Thanksgiving and Christmas are pretty predictable on the calendar... and are exceptionally difficult for those that have suffered the death of a loved one. Just this year, so many new moms are dreading the celebrations that were once so FULL of life and happiness...

Even when we are still surrounded by blessings and new life, it makes the absence of that one precious soul even more profound.

It really sucks, y'all.

"The love of God a perfect plan
Is planning now for thee,
It holds a "future and a hope,"
Which yet thou canst not see.

Though for a season, in the dark,
He asks thy perfect trust,
E'en that thou in surrender "lay
Thy treasure in the dust,"

Yet He is planning all the while,
Unerringly He guides
The life of him, who holds His will
More dear than all besides.

Trust were not trust if thou couldst see
The ending of the way,
Nor couldst thou learn His songs by night,
Were life one radiant day.

Amid the shadows here He works
The plan designed above,
"A future and a hope" for thee
In His exceeding love.

"A future"-- abiding fruit,
With loving kindness crowned;
"A hope"-- which shall thine own transcend,
As Heaven the earth around.

Though veiled as yet, one day thine eyes
Shall see His plan unfold,
And clouds that darkened once the path
Shall shine with Heaven's gold.

Enriched to all eternity
The steadfast soul shall stand,
That, "unoffended", trusted Him
Who all life's pathway planned.

I have an heritage of bliss,
Which yet I may not see;
The Hand that bled to make it mine,
Is keeping it for me."

-Freda Hanbury Allen

Believe it or not, grieving mom, you do have a CHOICE when it comes to your thoughts and attitude. You can choose to fight for joy!

It is easier to make this decision ahead of time... Decide NOW that you will fight.

Decide NOW to start praying (and having your friends and family pray) that God will give you grace and mercy in the months ahead. As with all the other "firsts" in your grief, it makes a difference to prepare your heart in advance. It might seem impossible when you are even now, on a "normal" day, just barely surviving... but don't give up.

Yes, you have laid your treasure in the dust. But it does not end there! Although you cannot see past the dark bend in this road, there is MORE ahead... there is a future and a hope!

This life, this world, it is but a vapour that vanishes. You know all too well how fleeting life can be. The time with our children was never long enough. Jesus Christ died on the cross for OUR sins, for yours and mine. And when we ask forgiveness for our sins and accept his gift of salvation, he promises us eternal life. Eternal is forever!

If you have trusted Jesus with your eternal destiny, with the salvation of your soul, with FOREVER... how much MORE can you TRUST HIM with this life here? How much MORE can you trust Him to walk with you through the valley of the shadow of death? How much MORE can you TRUST His Word that a future and HOPE is coming? Right around the bend... though you cannot see. God spoke the world into existence and sees all from beginning to end. He that knows the number of hairs on your head, the One that wants to carry your burdens (if you would just let Him), loves you!

That is indeed worth giving thanks and worth celebrating.

This Christmas season, I pray that God will fill your heart with joy and bring to mind all the wonderful memories of your precious child... and rather than focusing on the missing of that laugh and smile, that you would focus on the GIFT that God chose YOU to be the mommy and allowed YOU to be the one to hear that giggle and see that grin on a regular basis.

He gave you the gift of your child! And through Jesus Christ, we will be reunited again...

Keep trusting and walking with Him. God cannot lie. We have a future and a hope... all because of Jesus!

belly, blanket and backwards bbq

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 10:42:00 +0000

{is it just me or is that picture up there so blurry it hurts your eyes?}

27 weeks!

Due to my history of early babies, my doctor is concerned about the high risk of preterm labor. I'm not having any contractions and I'm not on bedrest... Just taking it easy, staying on-island, and adding omega-3 fish oil to my daily dose of vitamins. With no NICU/PICU on the island, Ian needs to stay put for another 10 weeks. Will y'all pray for my little guy?

{I still can't believe I'm mom to 4 boys! Eeeeeeeeeee!!!}

My little sis had her second child this past week-- Jude Christian.

I am *sniff sniff* and honored that they would make Christian part of his name. Just writing that out makes my eyes well up with tears. {Thank you, Lele and JRay.}

This is the first niece/nephew that I have not seen almost immediately after birth. :( Hence no pictures of him to share.

But I did get off my butt long enough to make him a cute little doggie baby blanket. Yay me!

{It's a good thing the pic up there is resized, lest ye have the desire to zoom in and see the uneven stitches and laughable attempt at mitering corners.}

Many of y'all are enjoying the cooler temps that come with November. While living in Guam is a beautiful experience, summer is the season that lasts all. year. long.

It's warm, humid, and breezy here... So when you are wishing for autumn and the need for s'mores arises (and you live in a condo with an electric stove and no yard), you do what you gotta do...

Gather your supplies...

...and IMPROVISE!

A bit laughable but the results are still deliciously the same...

What is your favorite Fall treat?

And does anyone have any special tips or tricks for binding a quilt and getting those corners right?

romans 5:1-2

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 06:01:00 +0000

"Faith is a thread

Slender and frail,

Easy to tear;

Yet it can lift

The weight of a soul

Up from despair."

-Matthew Biller

Another Birthday and Unfinished Cornices

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 05:00:00 +0000

Three years ago, I never could have imagined meeting this day-- Christian's 7th Birthday. Three birthdays with him and now four without him.

Grief and tears were a huge part of every breathing moment back then.

Today, grief is still present, but the burden is not so heavy and it doesn't threaten to consume me like it once did. Tears which were once a constant stream now only burst forth unexpectedly... like when another mom's blonde headed 4 year old boy looks up at me at the grocery store, when It is Well with My Soul is the church hymn, or when a towel is brought out of storage still bearing the scent of baby powder and blue eyed boy. (Oh how I miss even the smell of him. Although at 3, he smelled more of dirt and fwogs than baby powder!)

Thank you, Lord, for giving me Christian's birthday to celebrate. The day of his birth brought such excitement and wonder to our family! Thank you for the joy of being called mommy. Thank you for carrying me through three years of grief with my family intact. Thank you for giving me an eternal perspective, even on the days that I wanted to pull the covers over my head and be swallowed up by my sorrow... You have never left me and you have always lovingly reminded me that I can trust you and look to the future with HOPE.

O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

-I Corinthians 15:55-57

There is an Orthodox Jewish tradition of leaving your house unfinished as a reminder that this world is not our home, that we are pilgrims here.

I am not Jewish but I have my own unfinished cornice to remind me...

...I am not a Settler, but a Pilgrim.

To be daily reminded of the eternal is a blessing of brokenness.

It helps me to keep my focus off of the here and now, off of the missing, the longing, the aching. It makes me look to the future. It encourages me to seek not only God's plan for my day, but seek His purpose for my life.

"The one true God does not promise to take your pain away. Instead, He promises that in the midst of that pain, He will change your life. He will give you real life, a life in which you can experience true joy side-by-side with hurt and agony."
- Rick Taylor, When Life Is Changed Forever

I am different now. I am forever changed. It continues to be the most difficult thing to endure in my entire life, but it has been for the better.

Happy 7th Birthday, Christian! When I see you again, may you find me even better than I was when we were last together.

I love you.

what to say and beyond today

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 12:00:00 +0000

When I have the most to say, that is when words seem to escape me.

Bullet post to the rescue-- I just need to get this out of my head!

-My Uncle Blaine passed away on November 1st. Please pray for his wife Barbara and his sons, as well as for my G-ma. I can't imagine saying goodbye to three sons... and for my dad and Auntie Ann, who have said goodbye to three brothers.

Uncle Blaine talked about seeing my Uncle Terry, who had passed away in 2003... It just has me thinking... a lot...

-Christian's birthday is coming up. I can't believe he would be 7 years old. I am not dreading the 12th at all this time, but I am feeling emotional nonetheless. I'm not sure if it's being far away from family when there is loss, as well as when there is life (my nephew Jude is due Nov 13th!)... or if it's just a crazy hormonal thing (can you have PMS when you're pregnant?).

-Having three points here would make this post neat and tidy, but I don't know what else to say. My mind just goes back and forth to Blaine and to Christian and to baby Ian (who is kicking up a storm right now) and then to family and friends that have suffered deep loss.

Wandering thoughts and a restless mind makes me a little crazy. I think this calls for going to bed early and praying myself to sleep.

Isn't that the best way to end the day, handing all your burdens and worries over to the Lord?

If We Could See Beyond Today

If we could see beyond today

As God can see;

If all the clouds should roll away,

The shadows flee;

O'er present griefs we would not fret.

Each sorrow we would soon forget,

For many joys are waiting yet

For you and me.

If we could know beyond today

As God doth know,

Why dearest treasures pass away

And tears must flow;

And why the darkness leads to light,

Why dreary paths will soon grow bright;

Some day life's wrongs will be made right,

Faith tells us so.

'If we could see, if we could know,'

We often say,

But God in love a veil doth throw

Across our way;

We cannot see what lies before,

And so we cling to Him the more,

He leads us till this life is o'er;

Trust and obey.

-Norman J. Clayton

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

-Isaiah 55:8-9

lamentations 3:22-23

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 13:15:00 +0000

I am thankful that God's mercies are new every morning!

I don't have to rely on yesterday's mercy for today's troubles.

What God gives is fresh, timely, and relevant for right now, this moment, TODAY.

Our 2011-2012 Curriculum

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 11:15:00 +0000

This pregnancy has really put me behind schedule in a lot of areas of my life. When the goal of the day is to attempt to be out of bed for more than 2 hours and try to cook at least one meal without puking, one can see how some items related to homeschooling would be put on the backburner.

I am tardy in recording our 2011-2012 Curriculum by a mere 3 months. *cough, cough*

Pish-posh, right?

For the record, we have been educating our boys in the midst of moving halfway around the world, a pukey but precious pregnancy (in which I now feel great!), (me) freaking out (only slightly) about a certain child's venture into puberty, and the usual how can we start the new year when we haven't quite finished up last year?! debate within myself.

Onward, shall we? :)

AUSTIN - 12 years old, Grade 7

Bible:

The Ultimate Devo for Boys

Math:

Math-U-See Epsilon and Zeta

History:

Sonlight Core F Eastern Hemisphere (finish up from last year, then geography- see below)

Mapping the World by Heart (we will attempt this, might be too ambitious?)

Language Arts:

Writing Strands 3

Language Lessons for the Elementary Child 2 by Sandi Queen

5 Minute Daily Practice Grammar

Sequential Spelling for Adults 1 and 2

Science:

Apologia's Exploring Creation with General Science, Second Edition

Rock N Learn Human Body DVD

It's So Amazing

What's the Big Deal?

Foreign Language:

Rosetta Stone Latin Level 1 (Homeschool Edition)

Other:

Spectrum Test Prep 6 by McGraw-Hill Children's Publishing

Dr. Funster's Think A Minutes, Level C Book 1 and Book 2

NOAH - 10 years old, Grade 5

Bible:

Gotta Have God

Math:

Math U See Delta (completed 10/2011) and Epsilon

History:

Sonlight Core F Eastern Hemisphere (finish up from last year, then geography- see below)

Mapping the World by Heart (we will attempt this, might be too ambitious?)

Language Arts:

Writing Strands 3

Language Arts for the Elementary Child by Sandi Queen

5 Minute Daily Practice Grammar

Sequential Spelling for Adults 1 and 2 (if too difficult, will use different level)

Getty Dubay Italic Handwriting Book F

Science:

Christian Kids Explore Biology

Rock N Learn Human Body DVD

Foreign Language:

Rosetta Stone Latin Level 1 (Homeschool Edition)

Other:

Dr. Funster's Think a Minutes, Level B Book 2 and Level C Book 1

I do have a question for y'all.

We have Rosetta Stone Japanese Level 1 that I would like to implement, as tourism from Japan is a major economic force here in Guam. Have any of y'all done two foreign languages at the same time? Thoughts, please?

isaiah 26:3

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 12:25:00 +0000

Do you need peace in your heart? Are you discontent, worried, or weary?

Quit trusting in yourself and put your trust in our mighty God, the Lord of peace, Jehovah-Shalom!

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

-Proverbs 3:5-6

isaiah 52:7

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Believe it or not, this is Hong Kong... the view from the Peak when you are facing away from the city!

Sometimes we all need to turn away from our busy lives and seek solitude. It is then that we can hear the still small voice of our mighty LORD.

to a Summer-land

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 06:51:00 +0000

The little birds trust God, for they go singing

From northern woods where autumn winds have blown,

With joyous faith their trackless pathway winging

To summer-lands of song, afar, unknown.

Let us go singing, then, and not go sighing:

Since we are sure our times are in His hand,

Why should we weep, and fear, and call it dying?

'Tis only flitting to a Summer-land.

-Anon.

Death is not dying.

Jesus said unto her,
I am the resurrection,
and the life:
he that believeth in me,
though he were dead,
yet shall he live:

And whosoever liveth and believeth in me
shall never die.

Believest thou this?

John 11:25-26

boy or girl?

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 07:43:00 +0000

We are on our last hurrah trip before baby is born in February. I know that many women will fly late into their pregnancy, but when over 20 hours of flying is involved, it doesn't seem like such a grand idea to venture too far from home.

One of the highlights of our trip to Portland was being able to see our growing baby in action today. I am so happy that my sister Coco and her kidlets were able to go with us for our ultrasound appointment. (Thanks for taking a few snapshots, Coco!)

Looking at grainy black and white photos of baby never gets old.

I am amazed at technology... being able to peek into the world where God knits and breathes life...

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
-Psalm 139:14

We were thankful to see a growing, active 18 week baby in there! Thank you, friends, for praying that fear would flee and peace would rule in our hearts this morning.

The next big question o' the day: Is baby a BOY OR GIRL?

Boys run in David's family... his dad is the oldest of 4 boys. However, Austin has been praying specifically for a baby sister for over 2 years now.

I held my breath as the ultrasound tech typed out: I'M A...

TEARS ...

OF...

JOY...

Growing up with three sisters and only one brother, I never could have imagined that I would get to be mom to 4 boys!!!

I am so grateful that God would grant me the privilege of raising another young man.

plugging along

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 02:43:00 +0000

We are just plugging along with life around here...

+ 15 weeks prego, still pukey, and dying to have an ultrasound so we know if baby is a boy or girl. Boo hoo. I don't know how people can wait until baby is born to know-- I am too impatient for that! I think it would be just as much a surprise at the ultrasound as it would be at birth. Besides, knowing in advance helps with name planning... We are stumped as to what name we would use if we have another son. Are you an advanced finder outer? Or do you wait until birth to find out?

+ Shopping on this island can be quite frustrating. Three trips to the store and I still don't have buttermilk. But one thing that I am pleased to find here is a Motherhood Maternity Outlet! Woohoo for an extra 40% off sale prices! And they don't carry just Motherhood, but Pea in a Pod, Mimi and some others. My prego clothes are SO much cuter this time around! What do you think about today's maternity clothes? Cute, ugly or do you just buy bigger normal clothes when you're prego?

+ We started school this past week, even though I did not have the year planned out on paper. I know that if I wait until my to-do list is complete to begin with our lessons, school just wouldn't start around here until never. We still have a couple more subjects to incorporate, but so far, so good! Do you ease back into your school year or tackle it all from day 1?

I have more energy now than I have for the past couple of months, even though the nausea still gets me. Hopefully I can plug along with blogging once again. I miss recording our random life and connecting with friends. Facebook is easy and fun, but just not the same.

PS That picture up there is the first time I have unzipped my camera case in months! Further proof that this baby is kicking my butt.

3 years

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 10:02:00 +0000

It is nearing the end of August 26th here. We were blessed with 3.75 years with my sweet Christian and have now been 3 years without him.

It has been a very rough month emotionally. My dang diggity twitching left arm and leg have been driving me crazy. Christian has been on all of our minds more than usual, even for Austin and Noah who don't really associate August with sorrow.

The other night, Noah was sobbing in his room, new barrage of tears triggered by the memory of the moment when we told him that Christian was gone. I didn't know what to say... So I cried with him, holding him in my arms. It is hard being a big brother and not having your little brother around to play with or bother you.

He asked for a picture of Christian to keep in his room... I found an old Christmas postcard with our family picture for him to tape to his nightstand and he "borrowed" a picture from David's nightstand to place on top.

So much of this year is different from last year and that first year.

We are living halfway across the world.

We are anticipating the birth of a new Drews baby.

We have changed... I have changed.

Grief changes you forever. And when you trust God in your grief, He will walk with you and you will be changed for the better.

Will there still be tears? Absolutely! The hunger of loss cannot be satisfied this side of Heaven. It is a missing that goes unfulfilled. But there can still be JOY and you can walk with HOPE!

For those of you that are new in your grief journey, you will not always feel the way you feel right this very second. With God's help, it will get less hard! The laughter will return to your house and you will smile again. You won't ever forget your child, your friend, your husband... but in Jesus Christ, you will be comforted.

Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

-John 14:17-19

How do I feel today?

I. HAVE. PEACE.

I can't explain it, but I have an overwhelming peace in my heart. A few tears today, but no anguish. No despair. No hopelessness.

And I know it is because so many of you have been praying for me and my family!

THANK YOU. Thank you for your encouraging comments, emails, FB messages, and cards. Thank you for walking this road with me for the past three years. Thank you for remembering Christian.

I miss his mischief.

I miss his muscles.

I miss his mess.

Yes, it has been 3 years since the day that my sweet Christian died.

But it has also been 3 years to the day that he truly began to LIVE!

Three years of him being in the presence of our Creator, being with the One who knew him even before I did... Three years of him seeing the face of Jesus Christ, who died for me, for Christian, for you. Now I am three years closer to being with my littlest man again.

I miss you, Christian. I have been watching this video of you laughing today.

Listening to your chuckle makes my face break out into a big smile! The boys have their own room now... we have been wondering if you would've liked your own room or if you would've insisted on bunking with Austie or Boah. I guess you already know that you are a big brother. :-) I wonder if Jesus has told you whether you have a little brother or little sister? Even if this baby is a boy, you will still always be our littlest man.

I love you.

Mommy

10wks 4days and I am unfun.

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 09:56:00 +0000

How can something the size of a lime kick my butt so much?!

I have been the most un-fun aunt, mommy, wife, daughter and friend. Besides flying to New York, Texas, and back to Guam again, all I have done is eat, sleep, sleep, be nauseous, and lay around.

I barely have enough energy to scroll through FB on my phone.

But I did attempt a picture.

10 weeks, 4 days

Be honest, doesn't my belly look big?

I know I had a bigger belly to begin with than with any of my other pregnancies, but yowzers! So much for the "Your lower abdomen is probably just starting to protrude a bit now" that my WhatToExpect pregnancy app is telling me.

RANDOM PREGO THOUGHTS:

- I wonder how early this baby will arrive? I am due 2-22-12. Austin was 2 wks early, Noah 5 wks early, and Christian was 3 wks early.

- What I wish I could eat right now? A cold salad with thinly sliced ribeye steak (cooked medium, chilled) with balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Mayo is gross. Mustard and jalapenos are yum.

- I wonder how different labor will be at 36 years old compared to 29 years old when Christian was born. Anyone want to chime in with their own experience?

- Two delivery options here in Guam. The one hospital where you don't ever want to go when you're sick but people say it's okay to have a baby there... and a birthing center that offers pain management (I guess it's wishful thinking to think that means epidural?). My ob/gyn delivers at both... I am leaning towards birthing center since it would be more comfortable for my boys, but man, I did love my epidural with Christian! Never had it with Austin and wanted it but didn't get it with Noah.

Even though I am on my laptop in bed, it's time for me to rest again. Bleh. We are still living in the hotel... 2 months and counting... but our household goods should arrive on island tonight. A week to clear customs and then we are outta here! I can't wait to be settled, have a kitchen, our own space, that beautiful view...

Hey all you older moms or those that have a big gap of years between your kids (like you Heather!), any advice to share?

quick update

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 04:19:00 +0000

Just a note to say hi.

The boys and I are back in Texas at my parents' house in Ft. Worth. I am babysitting my 18 month old niece Lulu while her parents are on a missions trip to Russia. She is the sweetest, easiest little toddler to take care of!

Well, I say I am babysitting but today it was definitely my mom doing most of the work since I spent much of the day sleeping or laying on the couch with a queasy stomach. Bleh.

No pictures to post. I haven't even taken out my laptop in days... Talk about out of character for me!

10 more days until we leave for Guam again. I miss here but I miss David more as he is still in Guam working.

In totally unrelated news, what do y'all think of Google+ ?

I have received several invites but haven't checked it out yet because, y'know, I'm too busy taking 3 naps a day and feeling miserable on the couch. At least it's a worthwhile kind of miserable! :)

PS My Noah-boah turned double digits yesterday! The big 10!

PPS My sister Coco turned the big 38 today!

PPPS I am craving salad. What is up with that?

best anniversary gift ever

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 15:03:00 +0000

Sooo we decided to celebrate our anniversary on both days! :-)

Look at how young we were! I had just turned 21 and David was 23. You tell me, what's more shocking-- him having hair or him smiling in a picture? hehehe

See those grins up there?

Well, we're grinning again... and frankly in disbelief...

Nope, not having twins... just felt the need to test twice to be sure!

I still can't believe it.

We truly covet your prayers... prayers for a healthy pregnancy and delivery, prayers that we will not be fearful...

Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:
-Isaiah 26:4

I am surprised. Are you surprised?

Most of all, I am thankful that the Lord has answered the cries of our heart. He is so good to give us this GIFT!

And we rejoice.

park day and almost anniversary

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 05:46:00 +0000

When you think park day, what picture comes to mind?

Piney woods, playgrounds and maybe a swimming pool is the norm in our corner of Houston.

Here in Guam, however, a homeschool park day looks a little different...

Okay, A LOT different.

{They were spoiled rich kids (L-R, President's son, Bill Gates' son, unnamed, Donald Trump's daughter) stranded on an island for a year, surviving by eating sharks.

Tough and imaginative cookies, aren't they?}

Totally off-topic, this whole time difference poses another interesting question.

[Whoa, this is a BIG picture of us... me with my old hairdo and David looking as handsome, mean and bald as usual! We look like giants!]

Mine and David's 15th wedding anniversary is on June 29th. However, the 29th here is for the most part the 28th in TX, which is where we were married.

Much thought and hem-hawing later... okay, pretty much a quick discussion on the way to Blockbuster led to us deciding to celebrate our anniversary on June 30th.

It's just weird.

Coco brought up a good point. She said that her birthday is on July 14th. She was born in Korea and yet does not celebrate her birthday on the 14th in Korea, but on the 14th in the US.

Bah! I hadn't thought of that point. Either way, maybe it's because we still are conscious of the time difference?

What would y'all do? Celebrate here on the 29th (28th in TX) or on the 30th (29th in TX)?

.

50mm friday - yummy yogurtland!

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 11:17:00 +0000

Do you like my treat up there? It's coconut frozen yogurt with kiwi, strawberries, cheesecake pieces, sweet red beans and mochi (sweet rice cake). YUM!

The boys and I met up with Denise and her girls at Yogurtland today. What a joy it was to spend time talking with her and laughing at our kids getting along so famously. :-)

New friends are a tremendous blessing!

I'm participating in Hallie Westcott's 50mm Friday. Care to join us?

waiting, new license and it's pretty here

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 05:45:00 +0000

Sooooooo we found out that our stuff is not going to be here anytime soon. Even though it was packed up weeks ago, it is still sitting in Los Angeles and should be arriving here in approximately 33 days.

That's over a month, y'all.

I miss cooking, my pillow, cold a/c, and s-p-a-c-e.

In other news, I handed over my Texas Drivers License and got this bad boy instead. Kinda makes me sad.

Moving all the way to Guam was not that big a deal to me, and yet handing over my Texas license was... Why is that?!

I thought about lying about my weight on the application. Hotel living and eating out all the time is not conducive to rejoicing on the scale.

I would totally have lied had I known they were actually going to print my exact weight on the front of my license!

Please tell me my library card won't be as painful to look at.

Let's move along now, shall we?

The tide has been very low and the waters very calm this past week. Peaceful walks on the beach were just what we needed after being in the hotel all day.

[The sand on this beach is actually very white and soft. What you see here are the marks of the receding water.]

No matter how clear the sky, it never takes long for a storm to brew, empty itself and then stop as suddenly as it came.

[These cell phone pics just don't do justice to the beauty of this island.]

Guam has a small town (but tropical) feel and a population of approximately 160,000. Very opposite of Houston!

You can tell if a town is small in Texas by two things:

1. It has a Dairy Queen.

2. They have one traffic light.

No Dairy Queen here and there are definitely a lot of traffic lights, but let's consider the fact that there is only one underpass/overpass on the entire island. That tells me it is definitely the opposite of big, overcrowded Houston here... and I like it that way.

Would you lie about your weight if it was on the front of your drivers license? What's the population of your town? Do you think it is too big, too small, or just right?

PS All of the [parentheses] and blockquotes in this post are bugging me... too tired to fix it. No one else has notices, yes?

blue monday

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 13:23:00 +0000

{not sad blue, but color blue}

The time difference between Guam and the States really messes with my mind sometimes. Being 17 hours ahead makes me feel like a time traveler.

If you are nice to me, maybe I'll tell you how your day is going to be! *snort*

We had a nice long family walk this afternoon, treading on low tide rocks normally hidden from view. We passed caves and crabs, gun placements and WW2 pillboxes...

I would have loved to have my camera with me.

But water + me walking + passing rain showers + Nikon D300s = disaster waiting to happen!

These after-the-walk shots were the only blue part of my day. :-)

I do wish I could have captured the blue sea stars... maybe next time I will remember to bring the Kodak.

Wouldn't it be fun to glide across the bay with these guys?

So, what do you have planned for today?

Not that I don't already know... *snort*

50mm friday - reading in bed

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 10:51:00 +0000

I love to see my boys reading in the middle of the day.

Noah is finishing up Rascal by Sterling North.

(doesn't he look pampered in his own big hotel bed?

he is super excited to not have to share!)

Jumping in with Hallie's 50mm Friday-- want to join us?

sweet shot: hotel flora

noreply@blogger.com (MarshaMarshaMarsha) — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 05:01:00 +0000

While we are itching to get out of this hotel room and into our own place, I do appreciate the small touches in the common areas... like candles at night and new flowers every morning.

I should make more of an effort to do this in my own home... y'know, just as soon as our stuff gets here and we get to move on up. :)

Hooking up with Darcy's Sweet Shot Tuesday. Week 59! She is so not a quitter.