Not great news, but not life-or-death news…at least I don’t think so yet.

I’ll go into more detail tomorrow because I desperately want to crawl in bed, get warm & drift off to sleep…but…

Here’s a quick & dirty run-down:

• Could be multiple sclerosis (MS)
• Could be lupus
• Could be sarcoidosis (not even sure what that one is yet)
• Could be lyme disease
• Could be something entirely off the radar

I’ve successfully donated 2 quarts of blood for every test known to man & results should start coming in over the next few days to few weeks.

Those tests will not be definitive answers.

They’ll become a collection of everything under the sun for the Neurologist to consider while making his final determination (aka educated guess).

The appointment went well. The doctor seems nice. The MRI & I are going to become very good friends. And a lumbar puncture is in my future.

Thanks again to everyone for all their well wishes, thoughts & prayers.

There’s so many people I need to respond to directly – so forgive me if I take some time to digest everything first & get some sleep. It’s been a long day.

Much love,
Jennifer

PS – Scott, thanks for the chuckle this morning! : )

[scenes from our backyard]

Before we got 4 inches of snow overnight, our backyard farmer had begun the long, slow process of prepping his fields.

Like the stereotypical American I am, still in awe of the quiet beauty of the Korean countryside, I waited until his back was turned…heading back to his house…before taking pictures.

Here he’s carrying off the over-grown brambles & dead branches he cleared out.

But the picture I missed was the image of the farmer heading back with Cynthia, my next-door neighbor, racing out into her backyard with still wet hair & her camera – snapping away trying to capture his iconic image as well….How funny would that’ve been?

But I thought I’d share these images while I get back to the business at hand.

Tomorrow Eric & I drive back up to Seoul to see the Army Neurologist stationed at the 121 Brian Allgood hospital at Yongsan.

[If you're just now tuning in, you can catch up here.]

 I’ve tried to compile my own list of questions to ask, to have a better understanding what’s going on, but I can’t seem to get past these few:

• What is it? (Ok, no brainer – but he most likely won’t know right away & will send me off for more tests.)
• Is there a way to tell how long these lesions have been in my head? Years? Months? Weeks?
• Will the military medical system here in Korea be able to treat / manage whatever this is?
• Or would I be better off if we requested a compassionate reassignment so I could get treatment in the states?
• Are these lesions permanent? What will be their long-term impact?
• What areas of the brain are these lesions impacting? Memory? Coordination? etc.

I get to about that point & have to stop…it just becomes too overwhelming.

But I need to make sure I ask everything I can while I’m there.

So if you were me, what would you ask?

I’m also working on setting my intentions & realistic expectations for the appointment so that I don’t leave frustrated or upset.

Things like, he probably won’t know off the bat. And even if he has a pretty good guess, he’ll still have to test to confirm it.

That I need to make sure to listen to everything he says, to not jump in & cut him off when a question immediately pops in my head.

I want this to be a good meeting – I want to develop a good relationship with this doctor.

I want to leave the office feeling like I’m finally on the right path with someone who will care, not just rack me up as another number.

Side Note: Before marrying into the military I had one doctor. One.

One who has known & treated me since I was in elementary school. One who treated my mother, my father, my sister & brother.

And after marrying into the military I realized how rare that is & how fortunate I was to have that kind of relationship. I’ve not seen the same doctor twice in over 4 years, if that tells you anything.

But it also means I tend to be a little more stand-off-ish with new docs.

So yeah, while it may sound funny…I want to feel confident in this doctor.

But what would you ask?

Tonight I just can’t seem to find the words & this picture looks like I feel.

Tired & melancholy.

And yes, it started snowing again & hasn’t stopped. Looks like a good 2 inches so far.

Means I get to bundle up here shortly to go feed the black dog.

Hope your day has gone better than mine.

So I called the hospital this morning & was able to get my Neurology appointment moved up to Thursday, the 11th.

(That would be 2 days from now. Hence the plus 2.)

I jumped at the chance to grab that appointment whether or not Eric could take me – I was just too excited.

But the second I hung-up the phone it hit me.

I’ll have an answer soon.

A diagnosis.

Well, all morning I thought I’d have a diagnosis until I realized I’ll probably have to have a lot more tests – including a spinal tap – and so maybe I won’t actually get a diagnosis on Thursday.

But maybe I’ll get a list of candidates,

“You could have A, B, C or D.”

And hopefully there’s no ‘all of the above’ on that list. But having a list of possibles is both encouraging & frightening.

Needless to say, I’ve been a little numb today – followed by the urge to cry at nothing in particular – followed by the desire to both laugh it off & go crash for the night.

But even crashing for the night has it’s drawbacks.

The last thing I hear before I go to bed is,

“Yoo have some-ting in yoor brain.”

It’s his voice and his face leaning over me.

Not the peaceful, relaxing image I’d prefer before drifting off to sleep.

But that’s the truth of it.

(Yeah, I’m not so much a sugar-coater.)

So Eric has promised to start saying it to me in his voice so I won’t hear the Radiologist’s anymore. ; )

And the flowering bush / shrub / tree?…

I bought it today at market days in the ville. They run on the 3’s & 8’s…so for example, the 3rd, the 8th, the 13th, the 18th, etc.

It was the only one he had & it made me hopeful for Spring.

It made Libby, on the other hand, want to chew it.

So…before I had “some-ting in my brain“, I had decided that going to the gym – even if to only walk at a snail’s pace – would be a good thing.

Camp Humphreys spent one million dollars building what they call the “Super Gym”.

And they got their money’s worth…it’s really nice.

It’s two stories with basketball courts & meeting rooms on the first floor and exercise equipment & a walking/jogging track up on the second floor.

I’ve been walking the track late at night when there’s only a few people there.

It helps me unwind, in turn helping my blood pressure, but I get a little dizzy doing it.

I’ve been trying to walk a mile – 10 laps.

And tonight when Eric & I went, there was a dad there with his two children.

A girl, around 7, focusing on her pink Game Boy & a boy, maybe just 4, watching the sister play – both sitting in the corner.

The dad was jogging a quick pace around the track, sweating profusely & each time he would come around he would ask how many laps he’d done.

As he rounded the corner the past us, the girl – without looking up – shouted, “Nine!” as he flew past her.

At which point the boy said, “Hey…that was 10, not 9.”

Her reply?

“Whatever…he can do eleven.”