One of the things about life in rural South Korea that you can count on is mosquitoes.

Especially when your backyard bumps right up against the rice paddies.

It makes trying to enjoy our rarity of a backyard near impossible.

I had hoped AAFES would ship in those little pop-up gazebos…and they did – at Osan.

[shocker]

But they were just the gazebo…no mosquito netting.

So here’s a suggestion for the AAFES employee that orders our outdoor furniture & equipment.

I realize that you may never have been to South Korea, that you may not be aware of the massive red welts we Americans get from the mosquitoes here – or that you might not realize that they can pass along a wealth of obscure Southeast Asian diseases to us…but it would be really nice (for future families) to be able to get the mosquito netting to go along with the gazebos.

So thus began the online hunt for a cheap, but not too cheap…functional, but not too ugly…portable, but sturdy screen house that had enough head room for Eric to get in…and oh yeah, could get shipped to an APO box by Priority Mail.

I found it online at WalMart – on sale & along with a promo for free shipping…we got a pretty good deal.

But since there’s another solid month of high heat & high humidity here…we’ll have to wait a while before we can really enjoy it.

I’m envisioning eating breakfast while watching the sunrise, late afternoon reading sessions with gentle breezes & even sleeping outside on cool nights. Since we also bought the accompanying rain screen that wraps around 3 sides we’ll have our own little private space.

Eric sat out with me tonight for a bit.

The first words out of his mouth were,

‘Feels like home…guess that means we’ll be moving soon.’

[inside Army joke]

It never fails…by the time you get comfortable enough with your new station, it’s time to leave.

But for now we’ve got another 15 months.

[knock on wood]

This little kitty would like to say hello.

But he’s a little camera shy.

You see, he has a funny face & people make fun of him all the time.

[he wants you to promise not to laugh]

But I think he’s adorable.

And I think I’ll name him Charlie….after Mr. Chaplin.

Although that wasn’t the first name that came to mind…

…but no kitty should be forced to live with a name like Adolph.

[get here late?...take a step back]

So there I was…timidly grinning at the dozen or more gun-toting faces around me.

I looked at the Secret Service guy & basically said,

“You do your thing – I’ll do mine.”

I gave him the quick run-down of how many buses were coming, how many people would need to be swept and told him that I’d be down at the end of the road with the State Troopers flagging the buses where to turn in.

From there everything was simple – everything was easy.

I didn’t bother them & they let me stand in the middle of the road directing traffic, checking off my list & answering the random odd question.

When everyone was in & accounted for, I radioed ahead to let the boss know we were good as I walked back up the hill to the Secret Service group.

We shook hands, laughed things off & the next thing I knew, I was being pinned.

Pinned: As in lapel pin. See?…There it is.

While getting the Secret Service star was cool…I had no idea at the time just how cool it was. They didn’t make a big deal of it – so I didn’t make a big deal of it.

POTUS came & went, the event proceeded without a hitch or incident…well, there was that small food vendor tent fire after everyone had left, but it was contained in time and no one was hurt…and we all sang & cried during that last night’s fireworks display.

It was over. We did it. You could feel the collective sigh of relief from everyone.

But while the party was over - the clean-up was just beginning.

That night everyone got an extra hour or two of sleep & piled back in the next day…and I showed up wearing my pin.

One of the lighting guys walked past me, spotted it and said,

“Wow! I can’t believe you got that!”

Then another guy…and another guy…all for some reason completely impressed & asking me if I’d like to trade the pin.

And then I ran into the stage crew manager (typical roadie – think near waist-long pony-tail, gravelly voice, grimey t-shirt, gimme cap & the wafting scent of cigarette smoke). He had a big attitude to match his big swagger - although I stood close to a foot taller than him.

He broke into attention-grabbing shouts of,

“That’s not *@^#  fair! How the &*#%A@ hell did you get that?!…You’re just a &%#$@ rookie! I’ve been in this *&#^%@ business close to twenty @%#*% years! I know everybody & I don’t even have one! &#%$@!”

Needless to say, I didn’t give it up.

I kept the pin & eventually I was told that “they don’t give those out to just anyone” and “you had to do something big to get a pin”.

[now whether this is true or not, I don't know - but all the production guys definitely thought so]

So I told you that big, long story to tell you this one.

Fast forward to today…well, a few weeks ago actually…and I get an email – an email from one of the higher-up event production staff that I worked alongside.

[ahem]

‘Howdy Jennifer,

Long time, huh? How the heck are you?

Here’s why I’m writing…You remember that star pin the USSS gave you after Jamestown? Think you still have it?

I do SO many events here in DC with Senators, Congressmen, Supreme Court Justices, Members of the Cabinet, and of course, heads-of-state. I’m constantly interacting with the USSS, and man, that pin would make my life so much easier. So much so, that I’d be willing to PAY you for it! 

Soooo, does $50 sound good… I could go as high as $100!  If it’s just sitting in a drawer or on a desk… pretty please??  What do you think?

[I'll give you a moment]

………..

[through laughing yet?]

………..

[ok, another moment]

So here’s my initial thoughts on the whole request:

1) This person was probably working a high-end event and insulted the Secret Service because a request got turned down…or,

2) This person was tired of getting the run-around from the Secret Service and other security groups & decided if they could just get their hands on a pin, they would be taken seriously…or,

3) Alcohol was involved at the time it was written.

But here’s my formal response:

[ahem]

Do I look stupid?

Do I come across as some wide-eyed, know-nothing who would jump at the chance to get “up to $100″?

No, I’m not stupid.

And whether or not this pin has any DC street cred, it’s mine. I earned it.

Did I do anything spectacular to get it?…No.

So what – I still earned it. Go earn your own.

And oh yeah…

…you should know better.

[take that 'should' & shove it where the sun don't shine]

[various pictures from the event - some by me, some by others]

Bear with me, this story is going to take a little build up.

Not long ago I shared with you that a few years back I got to be a grunt amongst a sea of other grunts for what was dubbed as America’s 400th Anniversary – the commemoration of the founding of Jamestown, VA back in 1607.

It was a huge multi-event undertaking that would span the course of a year and took 10 years of planning to pull-off. As for me, I joined the ranks in the last 2 years.

There were several key events early on that were to help promote what was to be “the Big Show” – the actual anniversary weekend.

The weekend was a 3-day multi-location festival complete with a few famous-name artists, a 400 piece orchestra, a 1,607 piece choir, multiple stages – all with their own scheduled events & performers, talent shipped in from all across the country – as well as England & Africa, amazing fireworks, an F-16 flyover, a time capsule…and then President George W. Bush…with Laura, too.

So suffice it to say, this was not your average town, little-bitty summer festival.

And to say stress levels were through the roof would be the understatement of the year.

We were working ungodly hours, running on little to no sleep, cramming catered food down our throats any time we got the chance, racing around in golf carts to get from one side of the event area to the other, dealing with all the last minute issues that inevitably come up no matter how much you plan ahead….heck, let me put it this way.

In the span of 7 days – that’s 168 hours, I worked over 120 of them. That would be 3 full 40-hour work weeks into 1.

I was tired & extremely cranky. Co-workers were exhausted & pushed past the point of clear thought. Everyone was sleep deprived and as the final day of the event came around, the day POTUS was to arrive, we were all on edge.

POTUS: President of the United States. And if you think that’s a funny acronym, try FLOTUS.

This had to go well. No mistakes. This was it.

So let me just say, when you deal with that many layers of local officials, state officials, federal government officials & military reps…keeping track of who’s actually calling the shots – security-wise, that is – can be difficult.

There we were…last day of the event at oh-god-it’s-early-thirty in the dark of night…pulling into the one & only entrance set aside for staff that day.

Only to be halted by Secret Service, Homeland Security, FBI, State Troopers & who-knows-who-else…told we weren’t allowed to park there (irregardless of our parking passes, multiple credentials & bright red event team shirts) & to go drive clear to the other side of the event area where public parking was available.

Did I mention that same entrance was to be used by 30-odd buses of performers to come through security sweeps in roughly 30 minutes before taking the main stage?

And that if we didn’t get them all inside before the POTUS bubble locked down, they wouldn’t get in at all?…No?…Hmm, thought for sure I had mentioned that.

And that’s all it took.

One by one I watched my fellow event staff around me burst into defiant shouts, plaintive cries & numerous explicatives trying to convince them they had received the wrong information & that they needed…no, they MUST…let us through.

And that’s all it took for the Secret Service.

So here’s a fun tip! Never….never….never-never-ever…NEV-VER…tell the Secret Service what to do. Believe me Baby, it don’t work.

And one by one I watched the event staff pile back into the shared vehicles & spin-out in a full blaze of sleep-deprived righteous glory, racing off to the other side of the event.

Where was I?…

I stood there.

It was my station for the day. It was my job to ensure every single 30-odd bus came through on time, made it through security without incident & point them to the holding area. Come hell or high water…or quite possibly handcuffs…I wasn’t budgin’.

Stern cold faces stared down at me…as if willing me to get back in my car & drive off…and I sheepishly grinned back. I had two choices:

• face them, or
• face my boss.

So in my best Texas accent, I very gently mentioned how horrible it was to have such a big miscommunication at such a crucial time…and by all means, they were in the right. But just in case, let me call my boss & see if there’s been a change in plan we didn’t know about.

[wink, wink]

I called my boss. The Secret Service man called his boss.

I was told to stay put – she was on her way. He was told to hang on, more information would be forth-coming.

The next thing I knew…there was my boss & someone else…bounding down the gravel road, golf cart at full speed…heading straight for us.

It skidded to a stop as both passengers jumped out – cell phones on each ear, radios going off…it was your classic shit storm.

I recognized the man…he was “the guy” – as in “THE TOP SECURITY GUY”, in charge of everything.

Next thing I knew my boss with arm extended pointed to me & adamantly shouted,

“HER!”

At which point Mr. TSG (Top Security Guy) quickly gathered everyone’s attention, pointed at me & shouted,

“EVERYONE LISTEN TO HER! SHE’S CALLING THE SHOTS!”

Then they both hopped back in the golf cart & sped away to deal with who-knows-what-other last-minute issues that were happening.

And then all eyes turned to me.

And I stood there – stock still – timidly grinning.

[oh crap]

So I’m going to end this story here to pick up tomorrow because I didn’t realize how much of a story it was. But suffice it to say, it’s a good one.

[I know you're there...and you know where this is going.]

[pictures from the National Museum of Korea in Seoul]

I’ve recently felt the overwhelming urge to shun the blog & go back to the do-nothing boring little existence of my utterly unknown life.

[here the phrase 'utterly unknown' is meant to describe how little known I am anyway]

I’ve lost my creative writing spark. I cringe at the thought of having to come up with something to blog about every day.

But worst of all, I don’t want to share stories anymore.

I know I’ve left you hanging with Spa Girl & the Fourth, but I just can’t bear to make myself finish them.

The problem is that I’ve discovered that…shall we say…”a certain someone” is reading my blog.

Someone from a past life. Someone I had never hoped to run into again. Someone who I’d rather not have reading the blog.

Someone who seems to have this craptastic super power over me – zapping me of my creative energy & making me want to go screaming from my computer.

Let’s call them, Captain Critical.

So yeah, I’ve been battling Captain Critical and their faceless, evil-minioned Should Army for weeks now.

Have you ever fought the faceless, evil-minioned Should Army before?

They’re dangerous…let me tell ya.

Throwing “you should do this” and lobbing “you should do that” constantly at you can break anyone of their steeled determination.

And that’s how I feel.

Pummeled.

Pummeled into submission. Pummeled into silence.

And it’s not fair, I tell you! It’s not fair at all.

I want to scream at them,

“Go sit & spin! You yellow-bellied lint licker!”

I want to shove my thumbs in my ears, wiggle my fingers & shout,

“Nanny-nanny-boo-boo. You can’t get me.”

[but they can]

And that’s the kicker.

They can get me, my dog, my cat & my husband.

If it was just me…I’d fight the good fight.

But it’s not just me.

And it’s not fair to subject my make-shift little family to the slings & arrows of Captain Critical.

But now I understand all too well how it is that the good guy always gives up, surrendering to the villain, in order to save the one he loves.

And it sucks.

So that’s where I’ve been lately.

Defeated.

I have no fortress of solitude to escape to, no bat cave to go lick my wounds in and no way off this stinkin’ continent any time soon because I could really use a Cherry Limeade & a trip to the Japanese Gardens to center myself.

But I’m not giving up.

[sly grin]

I’m just trying to figure out my next move.