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When it rains

2006-06-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

You get stuck.
Bangalore is pretty predictable that way.

It is the only day, in my two weeks of traning, that I did not carry my umbrella. So, it is logical that it should rain just when I decide to leave the lab. Anyway, it gives me the time to write.

Actually, I was more than motivated to start posting again after I attended a lecture here on "Practical Writing". You would not think that an IISc professor can inspire one to write blogs- but then inspiration does not follow rationale.

The lecture made a lot of sense- I say this, because most don't.
One interesting fact I realised was that although writing is a linear process (you can write only one line at a time), thinking is not. It is, on the contrary - non-linear, multidimensional or webbed, say what you may.
And this, is the reason why most people face problems when trying to express themselves in writing; they think in a very random fashion, hence putting a line at a time (rather choosing one single thought/idea from the vast cloud of thoughts) becomes very difficult.

Hence and so, the lecture was organised to give people some directions towards proper writing. I obviously would not go over it again. In case you are interested you may refer to this (was distributed as a handout to us)

Practical Writng by Andy Ruina

Some other interesting things I realised:
>> I like attending classes more than sitting in a lab and looking at a computer screen all day. The scenario is totally different when I have to attend classes, but holds otherwise. Similarly, it is much easier to interact with a teacher who is standing in your class and is teaching than if he is sitting in his office.

Seems like the rain has stopped and Prashant Sir is offering to drop me at a nearby place.
Will complete this tomorrow.

Movies

2006-01-01T17:32:00.000-08:00

I have recently developed a very keen taste for movies. For two-three good hours, you are taken into a world so different and for so little. I admit that there are movies which are terrible (I will probably regret for life having wasted money on Neal ‘n’ Nikki) but then there are too many good ones which compensate for these. Two days ago (December 30) I got hold of a CD of Mr and Mrs Iyer and the movie completely floored me. So influenced I am that my first resolution for the New Year is to catch the next Aparna Sen flick 15 Park Avenue and possibly her earlier 36 Chowringhee lane.

I can roughly classify the effect movies have on me into three categories:

(By the bye, it strikes me as strange and yet fundamental this urge to name and classify everything. It is possibly because we are so afraid and intimidated of the unknown. And we find solace in the security provided by naming everything that we identify or more importantly do not identify. Come to think of it, barring physics, the other two major sciences have done just this since the dawn of civilization.

Immediate gratification: Most movies which I will rate as good will fall in this category. These movies are all over my senses and keep me in a state of excited appreciation for about a week, in the least.
Gradual appraisal: Some movies, like most books, do not appeal to me in real time. The movie is realised, in bits and pieces, in a continued fashion over a period. What happens mostly is a total recall, when a real life incident activates my movie-memory cells and a particular scene flashes right in front. I am invariably exclaiming in my insides “So, this is what it was” or “Ah, now I get it”.
Instant dislike: These are those I regret having wasted my time on. Anyways.

I welcomed the New Year in true movie-buff style- watching three movies back-to-back, 9 pm to 6am. The movies in order of viewing were I, Robot, Lord of the Rings- The Fellowship of the Ring and Lord of the Rings- The Two Towers.

So what is the point of writing it all here? I do this because there was a strange, distinct and an unmistakable shouting-sameness in these movies which I found very intriguing. Actually, I should add the Time Machine (viewing date: December 26, 2005) to the league of these movies.

Personally, there could not have been a more perfect coincidence of any other set of three movies - three different storylines but the same underlying theme- evolution. The most arresting features were:

All three movies are based on hugely popular fiction, albeit by authors historically unrelated.
A fight between the good and the evil holds centre stage across the trio. Essentially, it is a fight for survival, survival of the fittest. The stories all end by declaring the Good as victorious. Hope and belief are after all our only staff in this universe. If you try to give it all a bird’s eye view, a realisation is born that the greatest stories have and will be those which attempt to answer the questions that have always haunted us- questions of our purpose, our future and our evolution.
There is this remarkable Middle Earth civilisation similarity in LOTR and Time Machine.
A predominance of the Spiderman-type creatures or likewise characterised creatures/robots, crawling all over the place. A common cinematic depiction which strikes as strange is those scenes where these creatures/machines are climbing up or down tall pillars in magnitudes that defy imagination.
Now, the directors of these movies are not the same. Hence the logical conclusion is that either the human mind is pre-programmed to think of such (very agile and combining the best of lizards, monkeys and kangaroos) creatures or that the most creative minds of our civilization (Tolkien, H G Wells and Isaac Asimov) are hinting at some greater and pending phenomenon.

I could probably continue forever on this topic, but it is largely useless I know. Also otherwise, I must restrain myself for want of brevity.

Though Hollywood is any day more versatile, technically superior and lavish with the kind of movies it churns out, I quite admire our own Bollywood (it could do a lot better minus all the melodrama). Talking of Bollywood, I would like to mention that I am partial to all Shahrukh Khan, Sanjay Leela Bansali and A. R. Rahman associated movies. You are probably smirking at the mention of Shahrukh Khan, but I have no qualms admitting that I am a fan of his acting talents, not to mention his wit and intensity.

It’s a dream now to make a movie myself. Whenever I have had enough of doing whatever I am trying to do with my life (and I have some handsome amount of cash to my name), I will just go ahead and make a movie. I only plan to produce and act in the movie. Invitations are open to everyone who would like to be associated in any form what so ever in this mega venture. Already the movie has the support of two of the most creative talents of this college. Seems like a good start. The story line will evolve as it has to, we are in no hurry.

Meeting Vandana

2005-12-30T11:29:00.000-08:00

About a week ago, I went to the New Delhi railway station to see off Ankit. There I chanced upon Vandana, a school friend from the commerce section. Though we were not very good friends, probably a little more than acquaintances, but the mutual feelings demonstrated that time were that of ecstasy. It was such a pleasure to know that she is now doing her management course from MDI and is looking forward to a good placement next year. We tried to recall all names we could from school, classmates, favourite teachers, juniors. She reminded me that she had once persuaded me to write an article “Why cockroaches are so beautiful!” for our Interact club magazine that never saw the light of the day. I wish I had some memory of this article, wonder what my thoughts were at that point of time! Infact I don’t think I will be able to write much on the same topic today.

We noticed the changes that the in-between years have brought to our physical appearances. She was almost the same as before, I thought. For myself, I cannot for sure decide as to what makes me more excited when someone remarks “Why, you haven’t changed one bit!” or “You look completely different!” While the first

We tried tracing the where-abouts of anyone and everyone we had known. And I noticed that we were talking of things and people in a way which while in school would never have come to us. Though you have to keep mentioning your age at so many places, you hardly play witness to your own growth. Flash meetings like these which take you back in time, show you that you have changed, a lot.

Poster personalities

2005-12-29T03:33:00.000-08:00

I was passing by Daryaganj for the first time on a non-Sunday. The place sure does look very different without the books that line the entire stretch every Sunday and with all the shops open. The only familiar things that I could spot from the bus window were a few of the poster stalls. Now, I am not one to buy posters of any kind, I’d rather have the walls nice and clean. But, if the bus gets stalled due to a heavy congestion, I do not mind looking at the play of personalities that these posters displayed.

It is common knowledge in this country that if you aspire to become an Indian Idol, you can try the following things:

Become a God: This will prove a difficult thing to do, because by and large all religions are happy and saturated with their share of Gods and Goddesses. But if you still insist, then in this age of no-innocence, you will really have to be one great marketing expert cum spiritual guru cum inventor of a new trendsetting cult, in that order.
Become a movie star: Not a very difficult one really. Cinematic talents (acting, dancing, looks) can be helpful at times.
Become a sports star: Again, not very easy. Some real hard work is required.

Anyways, what I noticed about the posters was an interesting phenomenon. There were the the regular posters of dieties of all religions and filmstars of all seasons. However when it came to sports personalities, I noticed a lot was missing. Besides an occasional Sachin or Yuvraj, Sania Mirza is the one ruling the streets right now. And talking of our famous leaders, there was undoubtedly the expected Gandhi, Nehru and Bhagat Singh but the surprising entry was that of President Kalam. Finally, after about five decades Indians have a national leader they can ideolize and seek inspiration from. Three cheers to him.

Delhi, as I see

2005-12-26T19:05:00.000-08:00

Normal people do not care to write. It is largely the work of idle human beings.
Actually it is a simple cause and effect cycle:
You are idle --> You have time in life to do nothing --> You tend to think and invent philosophies of your own --> Birth of an article.
Now, holidays mean a lot of time to think, read the newspaper inside-out and to devote to radio. All of it done for lack of anything else to do. Hence this writing.
[ "I think therefore I write" should qualify as a maxin just as well. Anyways.}
To start with I won't go into what the city has taught me- it is pretty much all that you learn as youth and independence come by. (Though I have to mention that I owe it to Delhi to have introduced me to the art of dancing away to madness and relishing parathas with butter cubes).
Let's see how much I have learned.
I know Delhi not so much from having seen the city too much or interacted with the crowd here. My trips to the city, besides the sorrounding Rohini and Bawana land, have been restricted to few selected locations, and the number is countable on fingertips. As far as interaction is concerned, I am yet to have talked at length to anyone not related to any technical curriculum. So, that pretty much confines my network to the type of people generally found in engineering colleges. To sum up, my impression of the city is largely media influenced, the newspaper and radio playing major roles here.
I probably have got too used to the journalistic style of The Times of India. Tried switching over to the much revered The Hindu, but in vain. It was so plain and mostly boring. Though I appreciate their concern for quality and the standards they have maintained since ages, I had become addicted to the vibrancy of TOI. They have a way of sharing information which makes it all so alive. If you take the TOI, you cannot have missed it's Guest Editor editions - the President's being their most recent offering. It goes to show that they are a newsgroup which is concerned and is seeking to be the best by taking tips from those who matter. I mean, it really takes courage to let a teenage tennis sensation to be your Editor. Cynics will point out that it is all a marketing gimmick, still I will happily pay Rs. 2 to buy it.
Also the Delhi Eleven team selection etc. has greatly improved my know-how of the movers and shakers of Delhi. This matters because it makes you feel a part of the city. Newspapers or rather The Telegraph (which we subscribe to back home) in Calcutta are great, what with all their fine literary quality and everything, but they do not undertake to promote the belonging-to-the-city feeling. They give you more food for thought.

I guess, that it then what this capital city of ours somehow lacks- time to think. The newspaper (The Times of India) therefore is an accurate representation. It is as on-the-surface as most of the busy lives here. As brand conscious. As party loving. As food indulging. As cinema crazy. As extravagant. As politically correct. As power driven. As fast and happening. As hot and as cold.
I am not saying anything's wrong, but unconsciously I tend to compare it all with the humble and peaceful hometown of mine.

Ah, the radio. I like everything about it apart from the very obviously irritating commercial advertisements. It still remains a wish though to meet, in person, any one of those millions who take time off while driving to inform these guys of the traffic conditions, or those who waste money sms-ing answer to (mostly) silly questions of their's. Anyway, when I like the music, I dont have a choice.
These radio guys have taught me quite a bit and most importantly that public opinion can sure turn a few things around. Reading civics books is another thing.
I love its pervasive nature and inherent potency. It is the medium for the masses. The mess-bhaiya, the moongfali wala, the RTV, the Mother dairy counter... you name it, they all have their version a radio. It is amazing to think of the Phoenix rise that this technically simple instrument has seen, in usage and popularity. And, it has been for the good.
If used judiciously, the radio can be made much more than something which gives you good music, hilarious jokes and shayari, cricket updates and social messages. And ofcourse a more living source of city-info than anything else and all for free.

Seems like I have deviated from my intended topic a bit, but it doesnt really matter.

Christmas Greetings

2005-12-24T04:45:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to all you folks !!

Of winters, society, dreams and movies

2005-12-19T03:48:00.000-08:00

I detest the winters in Delhi. They cripple me to unlimited extents.

Every morning it is a fierce battle between the mind, the body and the heart. The body clings to warm quilt as it were glued to it. The mind, inspite of the hard work and fatigue resulting from a good 10-hour dream-show, knows at the back of itself that if I do not make it to the Electrical Workshop by 9.30 am, attendance will be doomed for that day. The heart meanwhile tries to play the good guy, cajoling the body to follow the mind’s commands. It has also to motivate the aching neck and shoulders to arise, the pain resulting from the burden of tonnes of woolly blankets.

Alarms, I must mention here, are out of my good books, at least for the winters. They have disappointed me; useless mechanisms- do not as much as cause a slight disturbance to my slumber.

Gear up I must, for, the Herculean tasks for the day have just about begun.
The tete-a-tete with chilling waters is what I dread most. Toothbrush in hand, I keep contemplating endlessly- to be or not to be. Somehow, with a valiant stroke of sheer impulse, I manage to thrust the brush into the mouth and then finish off the exercise with jet speed. Daily, about 67% of my will power is consumed thus, generating impulse reactions to the bucket of bathing water or the glass of icy drinking water. In short, water becomes a necessary evil- can’t live with it, can’t live without it.

I am thankful however, to our department for their strict attitude towards our attendance. Otherwise I would have to stay in the abandoned hostel, feeling all forlorn and dejected.

You see, loneliness bites - dramatically increasing the effect of the cold. Society meanwhile, soothes- its effect being comparable to the relaxing effects of the balmy winter sun.And I realized this only recently.
True, that I sometimes use societal gatherings to get away or rather forget myself, but the benefits of society, irrespective of other factors, are many. Though I love the sense of solitude, but within the confines of a 10 by 30 hostel room it only leads to hopelessness. Whereas, meeting people every morning and working with them refreshes the soul, gives it new sources of inspiration and reasons to rejoice or lament.

A little more thought in this direction brings us to the importance of an individual’s family in her life. Infact, at the stage where I am right now, home and hostel (or equivalently- family and friends) are two extremes of a situation.
Whilst the family gives one security and affection, it at the same time binds and sometimes curbs her individuality. Campus life on the other hand gives an individual unrestricted freedom, but there is also the constant pressure to perform and impress.

Returning to my chronicle, I cannot take too much of society and its interference. After the day’s work, I long to retire to my solitary confines. The day’s newspaper or a book is the idle way to unwind. After which it is time to do my own stuff.
But as Nature would have it, an automatic mechanism works to make me gradually unfold the blankets to escape the chill. And soon enough I am deep within the warm, albeit suffocating dark covers.

I am a little tired for the day now- will probably do the part about dreams and movies tomorrow.

Another girl, unnamed.

2005-12-17T15:21:00.000-08:00

A girl, all of fourteen and unnamed-
Daughter of Ashiq Hussain, a villager from Rajouri district, Jammu-
is kidnapped one day by Lashkar terrorists;
three locals and six foreign mercenaries.

Headed by Abu Hamza, the terrorists gang rape her,
for over a month.

She is then forced to marry
Zulfikar Ali, one of the gang.
Iqbal, a moulvi at Buddhal is beaten
to execute the nikkah.

On a certain Friday, when the terrorists are busy praying,
the girl manages to escape.

Along with parents, she sets off for the local police station.
The police station incharge, she recognises,
is the one who regularly assisted the terrorists.
She has to flee again.

The whole family, of the girl, for want of help
Goes up to the deputy commissioner of police, Rajouri.
He says, “Sorry, no funds for such a case”.

Jammu city is where they land next.
Advocate A K Sawhney there, takes the girl to meet the Chief Justice.
The Chief Justice however, refuses to oblige.

Meanwhile,
The Lashkar-e-Taiba terrorists paste posters of the gang raped girl,
whom they failed to detain.
Rs 50,000 is the reward,
for information to help hound the hunted child.

Narratives like these, I read everyday.
And everyday,
They become stories of yesterday.

Scares me,
To think that I might become
Another story someday.

Till then, every other day, the pain and anguish last
Only as long as the story does.

Wish I could put a handsome price,
on the heads of these men, turned into beasts.

----------------------------------------------------

The original article may be read at:

LeT men rape girl, put reward on her head

End of uncertainity.....

2005-09-26T00:04:00.000-07:00

No uncertainty shall prevail from now on.

I of course mean that my other blog "Uncertainty prevails" is terminated henceforth. Any inconvenience caused to any individual, living or dead, is deeply regretted.

All the posts from the afore mentioned blog have been reproduced here. The comments for the posts have also been reloaded, but with my own log-in.

PS: Now that it is over, I may as well confess that the blog title was grossly misspelt.

Four, too many.

2005-08-18T04:48:00.000-07:00

Most of the blogs that I have come across till date have articles which kind of formally inaugrate or introduce the blog to the world. Now, it so happens that I maintain a total of four blogs and offer no reason or consolation to the blogging community for the same.
I have henceforth decided not to refrain from this duty; so here goes.

The first blog I ever saw was Dhananjay's (I thought it had a rather creative title; now I learn it was courtesy Thomas Hardy). Anyways that first sparked off a desire to see for myself how this blogging business worked.

[The concept was till then anything but clear. I had read about it everywhere but you know how it is with new things and specially technologies, until you have experienced it yourself, you just cannot appreciate it. Moreover, I was at a loss understanding why would people want to post their personal feelings, experiences, views etc on such an open medium as the World Wide Web (the first definition that I got of weblogs from somewhere was "personal web diaries").]

So the excitement, experimentation and gross inexperience somehow led me to create one blog after the another. Thankfully I stopped at four for lack of appropriate titles! Probably the idea that was in mind was that one blog is supposedly for a singular interest or something on similar lines, really cannot recall the actual reason.
Anyways, that was that.

Now, it appears to me that this blogging medium is fast becoming something like an open expression-confession platform. Even if I dont end up writing everything I feel like, most of the time the first thought that crosses my mind, whenever things happen differently, is to post it here.

In the beginning you tend to write more consciously, you expect people to post comments and remarks, you keep checking the site meter etc. But later, detachment creeps in and you like the blog for what it is meant to be.

The way it is.

2005-08-12T03:30:00.000-07:00

Two weeks of college just seem to have disappeared. When I lean back and try to concertrate on what all happened, what I see mostly is myself hurrying from class to library to computer center to hostel and back again. In between are featured long queues, IEEE, room safai, unpalatable food, IEEE, canteen chit-chat and some more of IEEE. Gone are the peaceful days and, the road ahead is not inviting in the least.

Relativity plays a cruel trick everytime. Days just start and end and at times you have no recollection of how yesterday was different from today. Before we realise the eight-o- clock curfew pushes us into our hostel confines. You decide to try your hand at tt and after sometime it already is midnight. Ah, my god! that form has to be submitted tomorrow, the aricles have to be edited, the execomm interviews are next day.....thinking hence you fall asleep.

Mornings are usually the only good part. You plan to begin afresh, manage time like no one else, complete undertakings like a winner. The enthusiasm even shows. One good lecture actually gets you interested and brings hope. You talk to friends gaily and think that was good time spent. You move ahead, but quite unexpectedly you are made to realise that those words of yours really hurt the other one! The End.

I would call it the college consumption. The institution's great apetite spares none. Some happily go down the throat, as if under the effect of some temporary anasthesia. Others who realise this act for what it is, bear the pain of being crushed, grinded, chewed and swallowed.

May our souls rest in peace !

A useless search

2005-07-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

.....but hey, interesting nonetheless!

A google search for this blog's title gave me
.
Results 1 - 10 of about 206,000 for uncertainty prevails. (0.69 seconds)

If nothing else the search results atleast justify the phrase's meaningful existence on the blog.

A surface analysis will reveal (and not very surprisingly) that four entries, including the very first, are connected to India!
Leading to the natural conclusion that of the total uncertainity that prevails in this world

# India contributes a good 40%

# Geogre Bush and Politics - 20%

# Cricket 10%

The actual results are given below for ready reference:

Indiantelevision dot com's Breaking News : Uncertainty prevails in ...
Uncertainty prevails in Mumbai over CAS, DTH ... MUMBAI: There is a lot of
uncertainty amongst the cable trade in Mumbai, the country's business capital, ...
www.indiantelevision.com/headlines/y2k3/apr/apr69.htm - 17k - Cached - Similar pages

Pacific Islands
Uncertainty prevails after Vanuatu polls But PM Natapei confident to retain post.
By Robert Keith-Reid. Vanuatu's French born former controversial Ombudsman ...
www.pacificislands.cc/pm62002/ pmdefault.php?urlarticleid=0023 - 30k - Cached - Similar pages

The Hindu Business Line : Uncertainty prevails; avoid fresh positions
Uncertainty prevails; avoid fresh positions. B. Venkatesh. THE negative sentiment
in the spot market rubbed off into the derivatives segment on Thursday, ...
www.thehindubusinessline.com/ bline/2002/03/01/stories/2002030100931900.htm - 13k - Cached - Similar pages

The Hindu Business Line : Uncertainty prevails over CAS rollout in ...
Uncertainty prevails over CAS rollout in Mumbai — MSOs, broadcastes ready; Sena
says no. Rina Chandran. Mumbai , Aug. 29 ...
www.thehindubusinessline.com/ bline/2003/08/30/stories/2003083000570400.htm - 18k - Cached - Similar pages

Uncertainty prevails - Stock File - Express Computer India
Uncertainty prevails. Deepak Sahijwala & Sanjay R Bhatia. The markets have remained
volatile amidst a range-bound trend. Volumes continue to remain low with ...
www.expresscomputeronline.com/ 20040607/stockfile01.shtml - 28k - Cached - Similar pages

Business - Uncertainty Prevails Over the Ban on Prime-Time Beer ...
News and Business in St.Petersburg. The St. Petersburg Times newspaper - latest
news from St.Petersburg and Russia.
www.sptimes.ru/archive/times/998/news/b_13366.htm - 20k - Cached - Similar pages

How Green Can George W. Bush Be? Uncertainty Prevails about ...
The path of the new US administration as far as environment has many activists
on edge, as they fear that energy interests will dominate at the White House.
www.tierramerica.net/2000/1224/article.html - 28k - Cached - Similar pages

UNCERTAINTY PREVAILS ON PERMANENT ESTABLISHMENT ISSUE
UNCERTAINTY PREVAILS ON PERMANENT ESTABLISHMENT ISSUE. Home . BY: Zorba (6-19-00).
maquila11.jpg (5172 bytes) " Our expectation is to resolve the Permanent ...
www.maquilaportal.com/editorial/editorial15.htm - 7k - Cached - Similar pages

Uncertainty Prevails as ECs Begin Job Search - Harbus - News
Uncertainty Prevails as ECs Begin Job Search, , Harbus, a newspaper of Harvard
university.
www.harbus.org/news/2001/10/01/News/ Uncertainty.Prevails.As.Ecs.Begin.Job.Search-103918.shtml - 42k - Cached - Similar pages

123India.com Cricket
Uncertainty prevails over Shoaib selection. Lahore, Feb. 14: Confusion and
uncertainty prevailed over the availability of paceman Shoaib Akhtar for the ...
cricket.123india.com/news/120050215-c.html - 21k - Cached - Similar pages

......now don’t blame me for anything, I did tell you it was useless !!

Just something

2005-07-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

Finally one study with which I kind of agree at some points. In fact this just seems to stick to certain little things which I too observed but could never put to words. Do not take this up as a case for feminism though!

Excerpts from the The Telegraph, Kolkata dated July 17, 2005

Opening up in cyberspace

Far more women than men blog — and more and more Indian women are expressing themselves on the Web. Vijayalaxmi Hegde who works in an online learning company in Chennai, began blogging more than two years ago. “I started blogging because I was restless. I had a deeper need for acceptance and approval from random people I didn’t know existed. I think many bloggers operate from this deeper need of approval. When something happened in my life, or when I observed something, I always thought of putting these on my blog,” she says. Reshma is not alone.

Jasmeen Patheja began blogging for purely professional reasons, but it soon turned out to be a personal space. Says the 25-year-old fine arts graduate from Bangalore’s Shrishti School of Arts, Design and Technology: “It became a form of release. I was connecting with women who thought as out-of-the-box as I did.”

Welcome to a little noticed phenomenon — the increasing number of women who blog. The survey by the US-based Perseus Development Corp. found 56 per cent of the bloggers it polled were women, versus 44 per cent men. Also, women are less likely to abandon a blog than men are. In short, women are opening up their lives in virtual space as never before.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that women write about personal or social issues, unlike men who focus on work-related issues. For instance, there are more chances of a male IT engineer running a tech blog than his female counterpart doing so. Says Swaroop C.H., a software engineer who works at Yahoo! Bangalore, and runs a tech blog (http://swaroopch.info), “I don’t know of many tech blogs run by women. Neither do I know of women’s work blogs.”

It is the way women blog, what they blog about, and the significance of the medium to them that makes the difference. Dr Sunil M. J., a psychiatrist in Bangalore who frequents many blogs daily and is an avid blogger himself, says, “I have noticed that women tend to be more emotive and family-oriented in their blogs, even across races. ”

So why do women blog? The sheer democratic nature of blogging promises to do a lot for women, who earlier had to make do with the under-the-bed diary. Patheja believes that blogging is popular among women because it allows them to exert control beyond what they are given in real life. “Women blogs are full of writings that would be considered outrageous in routine life. Women are not scared to voice their opinions,” she says.

All the women approached for this article said they considered blogging an important virtual space in some way. It fulfilled an inner need, a need to ponder about larger-than-life questions as these from Sihikahi (http://sihikahi.blogspot. com): “Have you ever thought that it can be so easy to lose yourself in the daily routine? I mean, you weren’t born for this mad rush between home and office, were you? Larger question: what were you born for? Still larger question: were you at all born for anything? Unless you stop for a moment and take stock, you won’t even know that with each contraceptive pill you have taken for years, and will continue to take for some time (coz you just don’t have the space for your baby), with each deadline reached in office, with each little happy thing postponed for later, you have lost the joy forever.”

These are a woman’s questions, asked in a space that’s fast becoming feminine. But will she get her answers? We don’t know yet, and that is not the point. The point is that the rest of the world can go take a walk while she blogs.

For the men who have come reading this far : If by now, your notion that 'women are just a bundle of emotions' seems to have gained weight, then peep inside. You too, probably feel the urge to express and gain approval. And, just because someone can, let not that be a discount on her credits. Instead, go ahead and write for yourself.

(On a lighter note, I never thought I would get this serious by the end of it all....just kept flowing with the thoughts. In fact, I believe these Women vs Men things make for a pathetic reading most of the times. However, at other times they can become rather exiciting ! )

People: new and old

2005-07-15T05:04:00.000-07:00

They are around you always. At times they make you feel secure, other times they are the reason you are scared.

A list:

My little small town cousins:
Four. In Jamshedpur. Were asleep when I reached. So, in the morning when I get up, find all the four (none higher than three feet) huddled up all in one room.
The two girls were probably more shy but the boys were no less. It is rare in our cities....the way they were smiling, blushing and playing hide-n-seek. Trying to sneak a look at me, but as soon as I caught their eyes, in a flash they would go all giggles and take cover behind the bedsheet.
Couldnt help enjoying !
Though it is another story that within 30 minutes they cared not who I was !

My Driving guru:
Always keeps bugging me about dakshina. His comments on the people on the road and tips to handle or rather keep away from them are hilarious. The car is a piece of art. His controlling the clutch is what I hate most.

The Motorcyclist or the Brat-with-the-big-car :
They make me feel like a movie character. If any one day something goes wrong.....

Have to relate one experience though. It was eight in the evening.I was waiting for an auto, standing all dressed in salwaar-kameez et al. Was my friend's sister wedding. Slight drizzle. The road was shining, the yellow street lights and the to and fro vehicular headlights adding to the gleam.
Two bikers passed by, I hardly noticed until one stopped a few yards away. He turned his head, I looked away. He went grrrh grrrh on his accelarator and I breathed again. But then,he took the turn around the gol chakkar and was heading towards me. I tried displaying immense serenity on the surface (havent figured out for whom or for what good) but my insides started squirming. Just then a cab zoomed in like a savior and I quickly jumped in.

However, once safe, the first thing that crossed my mind was......shucks, missed some adventure !

The Helpful Middle aged gentleman:
You meet them everywhere. I received their help at the Passport Office. (By the way this office caters to the entire West Bengal State and has a legacy of gifting you spondilytis free with every succesfully issued passport.)
These guys take active interest in everybody's problem and, except for their place in the queue, would readily help you with anything.

The Cute salesboy/other impressionists
The smile factor. There is this one at the Wrangler Showroom. Poor guy.....he showed me every denim piece he had before I finally selected one in three days. And the amazing part was the constant smile and the eagerness to serve. I know that was his job, but I somehow found him rare.
There was another one at Westside, almost urging me to flirt around a bit.

I have to say this, it's Kolkata Special.......the ones in Delhi are way off the mark.

The only Talking Guy at the Workplace:
Calls himself Neo. Loathes India and though a Bengali by birth and everything else, is an Australian at heart. Beleives that Operating Systems are the best thing to study. Whatever I might do, he is sure to say "high funda"or "bhenerated". Tries hard to get me to listen to Rock, but in vain.

The Irritable Bengali lady:
Is generally very prim and proper, probably works in a Bank. You have to deal with them in the buses. And they, will just not tolerate you. Will never take the accidental slight nudge in the right spirit, are ready to fight with the conductor for anything. (Feel guilty continuing.)

Holiday Solace:
Malaya Sir. Can talk to him for hours at stretch. Inspirational stuff.

The virtual aquantainces:
Those you meet in the web world. You talk to them, exchange mails (formal or casual) without a hint as to what they look like. Most of the time we dont even care because we may actually never (need) to see or meet them. But, it strikes me as strange whenever I think of it.

The Aged and Sick in the family:
I would rather not have written this as it generally is one source of sadness and deep retrospection.Best to be kept within.

To-be-married and younger-than-myself cousin
Oh, there are so many now and the number is increasing. I do not really care but it gives me mixed feelings.

For the girls I can forsee another mother-of-two in the making, with all her life devoted to the children or the husband. The world is cahnging they say. The only change I see is that now my cousins are well read and all, but essentially end up in the same manner as the ones twenty years earlier did. The problem is with the family head who just refuses to accept anything but three things: one- girls are a responsibility on their parents ; two : Please marry them while I am still alive ; three: If they want to study, they can always do that if her in-laws permit her.

Mom's Customers:

Office Boss

One gentleman you genuinely want to impress.

American cousins:
Smartest kids I havs seen. Come out with funny names- they have christened my brother chacha bhaiya for god knows what resons. Love to eat Paan and wear Kurta-Pyjamas. Will never let go their Bisleri bottles. And, will not speak in Hindi, no matter what.

It is a real pain to see them off at the airport though.You just wish they could stay back a little longer. Still young,l and despite everything else they love the company and warmth here.

Once-classmate-now-model friends:

You forget their existence until you spot them one fine morning in the local newspaper modelling for an umbrella. You are enthused nonetheless and go around the entire house telling everyone about the girl being your classmate once upon a time!

The unseen many

............to be completed and continued

Ill-timed insights- for the first half.

2005-07-11T16:49:00.000-07:00

My thoughts have a very sad sense of timing.

They are most profound when I have no means to capture them.....no pen, no paper and sadly, the laptop is still not an option with me.
[Personally, I rather like Luann's style of recording her thoughts....will surely try that someday- once I am comfortable listening to my own voice. If this is acceptable, I would take a greater-than-slight digression here. This business of becoming comfortable with your own attributes -voice, video, images- while still realising it for itself, i.e., unlike the morning tryst with the mirror, is increasingly gaining importance. And I, am at a complete loss here. The problem is, most of the times, I fail to reconnect to the moment when I wrote something or got a photo clicked, hence I do not identify with the me in those things of the past, hence no joy. Anyways, that is just a self- made theory to explain the phenomenon to myself, completely ignorable.]

Getting back, whenever I am climbing down stairs, passing an icecream wallah, sitting and observing people in that rickety rackety bus, the ideas that emerge of nowhere amaze me. But they are lost as soon as they occur. Bubble gum thoughts. If I could somehow manage to stick them together I am sure I will come out with a bestseller. Till then, we shall have to make do with the ordinary ones.

These days my thoughts occur to me in a very readymade-diary-format. To elaborate, the lines are such as I would have written in my diary......very english and very sentencised. Funny it may sound, but true it is.

------------end of first half ----------------

My reading habit some times get too much on me. I, quite unconsciously, read up every bit of written/printed word that happens to cross my eyes (and this is especially true of the tini-mini bits of writing...on wrappers, fridge/aircon labels,newspaper envelopes, medicines<---by far the the largest contribution comes from this segment). And let me assure you this much, the moment you realise that this is the 500th time you are reading that sticker atop the toilet flush, you feel like tearing your hair apart.
And tear you might, but the habit doesn't go....you find yourself reading the sticker again the 511th time again, and the story continues.
And, since you really can't do much, you end up memorising things like TVS India- Taking it to the heart of India (Mouse pad's contribution), half life of a professional (some five month old newspaper article scrap which covers a diary which is kept besides my clothes in my wardrobe) and a sense of decency prevents me from stating the learnt-by-heart details of the flush sticker!

2005-06-30T04:22:00.000-07:00

In a frenzy and in order to get back to the habit, I took up three books to read simultaneously.
Though, it was not exactly simultaneous.... got the books one by one, but started the next before reading even 20 pages of the another.

Meanwhile I did finish a fourth book - Vernon God Little (VGL)

The three in hand are-
# Guns, germs and steel : Jared Diamond
#A passage through India : EM Forster
#The Plague : Albert Camus

All the books are very different in terms of their narrative as well as content. But the point here is that when you are reading things at the same time, they have a way of gettting connected.
For instance, VGL had Vernon in jail and in the latter half he is seen contemplating. Now, this setting matches with 'The Outsider', also by Camus. Again in the 'Passage...' (as far i have come) Aziz is in jail!
The night before, I was reading in 'Guns...' as to how the entire planet was gradually inhabited.....that humans started moving out from the African Subcontinent to Asia and then moved further north. The occupation of the Americas happened very late in history when human utilised a certain frozen path from Siberia across to north America.
And, next day in office we somehow start dicussing genes, evolution and Sir brings up the same story about occupation. And I am like...yeah yeah !!

This happens so many times and so many other things.
Like for example, whenever I come across a hitherto unknown word, or read about a new technology somehow the universe conspires to bring the thing back. Its pretty certain that I will come across the thing soon and feel "thank god that i knew it!"
But the important thing is that you must be not be expecting it. Anticipation kills the magic, I guess. May sound ridiculous but perhaps we read/ learnt a certain thing only because the program within knew that the information will be required. Extrapolating the same idea we can go on to state that whatever we ever learn/experience will be of use sometime.....nothing is useless in that sense (and I dont like myself one bit for having said that!) .

Another thing that will happen is something you just think should not happen.
Substantiating, I sneaked out of office once for watching "Mr and Mrs Smith"(having bought the ticket earlier). Usually, when I am leaving the complex or just strolling around I do not spot one known soul. But that day, as soon as this thought flashes I see my brother's friend with his mom coming towards me ......doesnt make a difference really coz anyways I was alone, but I hope the point is clear.

Parental love

2005-06-16T04:48:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the purest form of love that you will ever experience is the one that comes down from your own parents.
And, the purity can be felt because their love inspires you, as any form of true love should.

Add to that the inherent selflessness and you are left wondering ...why?

This probably has a reason. The closest that living beings come to being God is when they manage to create something. The creation then is obviously dearer to them than their own lives.

Just think what all your parents have done for you since you were born and the resulting thoughts are humbling. At times, they make you feel so guilty, but then you get over that pretty soon. And it is important that you do, because a lifetime would not be enough to repay their efforts in any form. Also, you just cannot love them as much as they love you anyways!

I was talking to my uncle once when I asked him that was I not being very selfish in planning to stay away from my parents. I mean, now that I am old enough to be of any use to them, I have my own career plans and what not.
He told me that ultimately everything goes around in a circle. Wherever I am, I should try and love the people around me as if they were my own parents. And, somehow someone who is living near mine will fulfill my place.
That really gave me hope and somehow increased my belief in the concept of universal brotherhood, networking and everything else.

At times, things sure do have a reason, we just do not happen to look deep enough.

Submit, human

2005-06-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

Its not a question of whether you like it not, whether you trust it or not rather its a question of evolving and adapting.

Recent thoughts and more thinking have finally brought me to this submissive conclusion....you try and take pleasure in being uncomfortable and be prepard to get totally wiped out.
You can not afford to fight it.

Its pure intelligent survival techniques...the quicker you learn the better you fare.

And, obviously the uncertainity principle will control everything else...as it always has.

Pessimist...am I ?

2005-06-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

Statements of purpose

2005-05-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

Its funny !!

2005-04-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

Its funny the way we keep on goin about everything and nothing.....its scares me at times to think that nothing that I have done or will probably do will make any sense to this cosmos.

Even writin stuff on some obscure blog....

Soon however I mght to the world again...
Electronics project, english report, programming viva, upcoming exams and ending academic year....more importantly, a boring lecture class in another twenty minutes.

Such uselessness

2005-03-20T06:22:00.000-08:00

Think not that frustated I am,
Its uselessness, that's all !

Things form, thoughts occur,
Plans are made, deadlines decided.

'Get started' I do.

But, passion then wanes,
motivation then drains.
I stop.
Wait.

Another thing comes by.
Again, interested I am,
inspired I feel, but .....
the process repeats.

Perhaps, its uselessness, that's all.