CHECK OUT WTF.ORG.NZ!

We are very excited about this project. Help us spread the word…

The WTF campaign is for everybody who cares about equality and its especially for all you straight people out there! Whether you’re already an active supporter, want to show your support for the first time, or hadn’t given equality a lot of thought before now, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people all over New Zealand need  you to stand up and help them make change.

And for all you gay, lesbian, takatapui, bisexual and transgender folks—we need and want your voice too! Because this campaign is for you. Not only can you help us to stand up and make a change to inequality in New Zealand, but you can help get  the straight people in your life to stand up and say “What the f**k?”, to discrimination.

WTF can mean whatever you want it to mean. It’s an expression of outrage, and a call to action. WTF is about standing up, not taking no for an answer and demanding change! WTF is a campaign that EVERYONE can get behind – because WTF is about equality, and equality affects us all.

The campaign which calls for both support and donations, has over 30 prominent New Zealand celebrities attached to its first video release. Those involved include; Sir Ian McKellen, Rocky Horror Picture Show Creator – Richard O’Brien, Annie Crummer, Colin Mathura-Jeffree, Tamati Coffey, Alison Mau, Jo Cotton, Danielle Cormack, Green and Labour MP’s, core cast members of GoGirls, Spartacus, The Almighty Johnsons, Shortland Street, McLeods Daughters, Underbelly Razor and many more.

Rainbow Youth and Outline NZ are two of New Zealand’s most prominent nationally-focused queer, trans, and rainbow organizations. Our services reach people from as far south as Invercargill, to the very north parts of the country. Between our two organizations we reach across all ages; from our youth networks, to our elderly. Our programmes aim to empower our communities, enhance our well-being, and keep us connected. We provide telephone and face-to-face counselling, and work across organizations on issues such as domestic violence, alcohol and drugs, and bullying.

Our services have never been more heavily used. And yet… We’re unable to secure sustainable funding, we’re having to down-size staff, and we’re at the risk of not being able to carry on doing the work that we love to do, and need to do.

Visit WTF.ORF.NZ to see how you can support us! Just $5 makes a big difference!

See our celebrity studded video on the website: wtf.org.nz

Take a look at the press release for more information about the great evening that was had by all http://www.gaynz.com/articles/publish/2/article_10643.php

Is sexuality really as complex as we like to think? Probably not, but the old saying of “there’s nowt so queer as folk” is probably the best summation we can get. We are all different; and that is the very paradox that makes us all the same.

Why don’t we just accept the basics of human attraction and let them be expressed in their own way? Is it remotely possible that the person I was attracted to when I was 20 is the same person that I will be attracted to at the age of 80 – will they even be the same sex? Will there be times in my life where I am not only attracted and aroused by the male form?

Will the lesbian separatist of the 1980’s ever be able to outwardly acknowledge and embrace attraction to a man and still have respect in the community?  Not from what I have seen, because as much as we ask for tolerance, acceptance, understanding and compassion from the ‘straights’, we too can be just as harsh. George Orwell in his political satire of the soviet revolution in ‘Animal Farm’ springs to mind – the oppressed become the oppressors.

Often our own commentary and parameters of what makes sexuality ok are the things that threaten us the most. Where do we really fit? Do we condition ourselves for a particular type of attraction and dismiss any concept, real or imaginary, of deviating from it? I suspect we do.

As a queer person, am I so terrified of what the other side of the fence represents that to acknowledge my own slight fluidity in sexual attraction would be tantamount to treason against my own kind?

If we preach tolerance, then let’s be tolerant. If we want inclusion, then be inclusive. If we want diversity, then embrace the diverse. Whether you are takataapui, queer, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or sit anywhere else on that long and flexible continuum, then you have a responsibility to embrace and validate the sexuality of others. That does not mean that you have play nice all the time in the face of discrimination; but the expression of my sexuality, my humanity, should not be dependent on the denial of someone else’s.

If we are to achieve equity, then we need to behave as equals. No one is more valid than you; you are no more valid than anyone else.

It is fashionable these days for people to reject labels on sexuality and gender, yet at the same time they turn up to the rainbow pride events and celebrate queerness with a sense of belonging. Ironic isn’t it?

Shakespeare got there years ago: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. You are who you are. Whether you choose to label yourself or not is really quite semantic. In conversations with many people who eschew labels the concept and discussions around homophobia still arise.  Which begs the question: how can people who are actively not ‘homo’ experience homophobia? Why turn up to a pride event to a community you don’t identify with?

The struggle for people to be who they are and express their gender identity and sexuality has only ever been about the labels, perceptions and stereotypes. The power we have in owing the labels, in adding to their definition and in challenging the stereotypes is what has allowed us to enjoy what we have today.

Our identity is core to our being. Our identity is shaped by more than just one thing, or one single aspect of our character. It is shaped by the many labels we apply to ourselves. My life is strong because I can stand up proudly and state what I am, not what I am not. A man, father, partner, gay, singer, actor, cook, community worker, counsellor, writer…

Perhaps you are one of the people who does not like the labels of the queer world. Fair enough that is your choice so don’t use them. But on the same terms please do not expect to benefit from sharing in our pride.

If you really want to identify as being part of the rainbow community then honour the lesbians, gays and trans people who stood up and protested for your rights to have your gender recognised and your sex lives validated. If you are a man who has sex with men, a woman who has sex with women, or a trans person, then you already have a label whether you like it or not.

Identity gives us strength, character, conflict, passion, love, joy, community and pride. Be who you are in all of your facets. Sexuality and gender can be fluid and we can change our labels as we change our lives; but please do not pretend they don’t exist – our lives are richer for them.

The most grief we may ever experience in our lives is based on the ending of a relationship with person of meaning in our lives. That end may be signalled by a death, which is something we cannot control or fix; or it may be the outcome of an argument that now that you can’t really even remember.

Rather than focus on what makes relationships good, or what keeps them going; it is sometimes more helpful to think about how we can go about repairing one that is damaged or broken. Very seldom in life do we wake up and remind ourselves how lucky we are that ‘xxxxx’ is no longer our friend.  On the contrary, when we think about a relationship we have lost, it often triggers a touch of sadness, regret, or anger. The loss of a friend through actions or inactions, theirs or ours, is a cross we bear internally for a very long time.

How did we get to the point where someone that was once close is no longer relevant in our lives? How do we go about eliminating the feelings of guilt, shame, hurt, sadness and anger when they cross our paths or cross our minds?

There are only two alternatives – we either accept that this will always be the case; or we take steps to mend it. It is not a matter of sitting back and waiting for the other party to make the first step. The idea that I will only feel better when someone I no longer talk to takes the action is not going to work. The responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and actions are my own. So if I want to change the way I feel or the way things are, then I have to do something.

Sometimes the effort and risk involved in taking the first steps in reconciliation can be daunting; but nothing ventured, nothing gained. The hardest part of all is to make contact with that person, and express the personal sense you still have over the end of the relationship, and then at the same time ask to start afresh, putting the past behind you. Their response may surprise you.

When we get to the point where we feel we want to take the reconciliation steps it is an internal signal that we have changed. If we have changed, the chances are that the other person has too. Sometimes the biggest healing factor is time, but never give up hope. What once may have been lost can be found.

What we do know is that once the dust settles and the clean up begins that life for the majority of the people in New Zealand will go on as normal.

The city of Christchurch was already dealing with the emotional turmoil caused by the September 2010 quake. Experience tells us that the ongoing trauma when the immediate crisis subsides and the adrenalin stops flowing, is the time that people start to feel isolated, vulnerable and have to confront the actual realities of life never returning to the way it was. In many people this manifests itself as “Post-traumatic Stress Disorder”.

This will not always evidence itself in the externalisation of emotion written on the brave public faces of those affected; it will be more subtle and more personal but just as devastating – the flashbacks, depression, sense of loss, grief.  In order to ‘move on’ people need to be on a firm path. For many the foundations have been taken from them in more than just a physical way and they will feel as if they are trapped in quick sand.

There is little that any of us outside of the physical area affected by the quake area can do to relieve the immediate suffering of people in Christchurch. The majority of whom will be in survival mode, not only for themselves, but they will also be looking out for protection to their families, friends and communities. The sense of community and commonality galvanises people and provides a sense of purpose. This sense of purpose and protection is an essential part of our coping mechanisms as human beings.

In the medium term some of the things we can do to help Christchurch is make plans to invest our time and our money in the local community. We are already affected by the downturn in the economy and when we compound this with a massive localised disaster then we need to refocus on keeping it local. By investing in local businesses we have the opportunity through our spending to help business and their employees rebuild their lives. So instead of the extra jaunt overseas this year, let us focus on rebuilding the regional economy of Canterbury.

Right now there is enough water, enough food, and enough fuel coming into the region, and the resilience of the people involved on the ground will help unify and strengthen the Christchurch community in the immediate days and weeks. The other major infrastructure will take time to rebuild. Although for those of us not personally affected, our own emotional response to the crisis is to ‘do something now’ the reality is that the biggest difference we can make to the overall recovery is not what we do now, but what we do in the coming months and year.

This is a tragedy of epic proportions and the memory and sense of loss will endure for a very long time. Our hearts and thoughts go out to all of those people who have lost so much. The challenge for all of us is not to forget the intensity of this moment.

People in Canterbury will need us to connect with them and be valued by us. Their lives will return to a more even keel when they see people from New Zealand visiting, spending their money, and including them back in the normal throng of life. There would be nothing worse than to have to live through the crisis such as this, only to find at the other end of it that their jobs are not secure, and the ‘outside’ world has put it behind them.

So in two, three, or four moths time, when we start to be distracted once again by the news of the rich and famous or some other tragedy in the world captures our attention; remember this moment, and do one thing more for the people of Christchurch.

The witch-queen tracked her down and it all turned to custard. Eventually another good-looking dude came over and kissed the dead daughter (don’t even go there) and she woke up and they all lived happily ever after. Except, typically being a story about heterosexual triumph we never really found out what happened to the little guys in the forest, who once again lost their significance as soon as the straight people were done with them. Obviously these guys living together were gay, but the heterosexist norms of the time made sure their sexuality remained invisible.

And so on it goes. Are we as a Rainbow Community the modern day representatives of the “Seven Dwarf Syndrome”? We only seem to get noticed when it is important for people to be seen to be noticing; or if they want something from us, like a tick in a box on a ballot paper; or if there may be some sensationalism associated with the stories of our victimised members?

We have a history of standing up and being counted when we thought we had a lot to gain. And now when we have so much to lose it is sad that many are happy to sit back in contentment, totally oblivious or deliberately blind to the insidious undercurrents creeping our way. It is easy to forget that there are people out there with agendas to take away what we fought so hard to achieve. Our society still creates people who think it is ok to bash someone because they are gay. The same society still makes jokes of our lives and uses ‘gay’, ‘fag’, ‘dyke’ and ‘tranny’ as terms of derision.

It was Aesop, the Greek Fabulist, that said “United we stand, divided we fall!”  It was Edmund Burke who observed: “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing.”

As individuals it’s easy to be overwhelmed with the challenges. But we are good people and we deserve better. There is no need for us to stand by as individuals and do nothing when we can work together and make a difference. We have done it before; we can do it again.

At times we skip along blissfully unaware just how close we sometimes come to losing what we already think we have achieved. That may sound a little dramatic, but how much moderating of our own behaviour do we do out of habit. When was the last time you kissed your partner in the middle of the supermarket or walked hand in hand down the street at lunchtime? What are we afraid of? Straight people do it all of the time. Do we really have a choice, or are the potential outcomes of that choice still a little too horrific to contemplate.

We like to think that being queer, or whatever label we choose, is better now because the law has changed and our relationships are recognised etc. And in some senses that is true; however we still have to carry the burden of heterosexism and homophobia. Sadly some of us in the community start taking on the homophobia and get uncomfortable with the blatant expressions of sexuality in public when we see it. Is it because we don’t want to rock the boat? Some of these internalised messages make us say things like: “My sexuality is no one else’s business and is only part of who I am.”

Our sexuality shapes every single personal relationship we ever have. We come out (or choose not to) thousands of times in our lives; we select or avoid certain environments; we pick our friends according to how we think they will respond to us, we let hurtful ones drift away. We shape our relationships and interactions with work colleagues, family, and society through our sexuality. Whether we live as screaming queens or closet cases, make no mistake – we constantly blend, manipulate, filter, cover, lie and make choices that keep us safe.

Creating options for ourselves is one of the most powerful things we can do to empower our lives. Is it good enough that currently some of the most basic instinctual things that we may wish to do as human beings are not really choices at all? What choice is there for me when I risk violence or derision because I decide to hold my partner’s hand in a ‘public’ place?

I look forward to the day when our options are real and not moulded by fear.

Options give us freedom, equity, power, purpose, affirmation and strength. The bubble we live in now is not as robust as we may like to think, perhaps the one choice we can make today is to smell the coffee and recognise that unless we stand up in numbers and make a stand, that this really is as good as it gets.

‘Love’ is perhaps one of those words we apply liberally because we have a fear about it being absent in our lives. To love and be loved is up there on the basic scale of human need, there is no denying it or hiding from it. The reality is that we all know love, sadly for many we just don’t always recognise it at the times it matters most.

What does it mean to love? Is it more than a passion for a new outfit? Is it more than waking up next to the same person and sharing the rhythm of life? Do we define it as something deeply personal, or do we let those around us shape it for us with their own expectations and definitions? We are told in so many ways how people show love, but we are not all the same. Love can be expressed as a kind act, a listening ear, a gentle touch, or a bunch of flowers. But all of these things can be given and received without ‘love’ being part of the equation.

Love is probably a compound of many things that as individual acts or thoughts may not say much in themselves; but when assembled together provide a feeling and emotional connection to a person that goes beyond a momentary act or fleeting thought. A mistake we often make is to expect that we can find all of the love we need in just one person with one kind of relationship. Our capacity for love is not limited, and therefore our ability to receive and show love should also not have narrow boundaries.

It leads us to new places, excites, stimulates, amuses, and encourages us. It can fool, hurt, challenge, reject, anger, betray and frustrate us. But all of it, good or bad, in balance is what makes us alive. It does not matter where that love is found, it is not up to other people to tell you how to experience it. All that matters is that we recognise it when it comes along and remember that to be human is to love and be loved.

When all else is said and done it is how we show and experience love that will enrich our lives. It is in the moment when we shed a tear or share a laugh with a friend that we really see love for what it is: simple and beautiful.

How do we go about deciding who our friends are and how do we determine what constitutes friendship? According to Facebook today I have 368 friends, moderate by some standards. Being a highly social person the chances are that I may even get to see most of them this year.

Is the way we connect and communicate confusing our own understanding of friendship – are all of these people guaranteed to be positive and affirming people in my life? I would like to think so, but would I expose my soul to all of them in equal measure? About 300 of my contacts are really just acquaintances or businesses with whom I have a positive connection and a genuine interest in; just over 60 of them are people I engage in regular conversation with and would probably tick the ‘friend’ box; 1 of them is my husband; and that only leaves about 4.

These four are the ones who really know me, who love, support, inspire, challenge and trust me in a well-rounded balanced way. That does not mean to say that I don’t enjoy elements of these things in other relationships that I have with people, it just means that I don’t l expect the 368 people on Facebook to have all of these things rolled into one. We do not have to compete with friends; we celebrate their lives as much as our own, and vice versa.

A Maori proverb puts it in perspective: “He aha te mea nui o te ao? He tangata! He tangata! He tangata!” – “What is the most important thing in the world? It is people! It is people! It is people!”

As you embrace 2011 take a moment to think about your friends, what you mean to them and what they mean to you. You cannot fail to make this year one of the most rewarding and fulfilling years in your life if you put energy into the people that matter most to you.

Machiavelli was not right; never keep your enemies closer than your friends. Home is where your friends are, and nothing should come between you.

We put our ‘drag’ artists on pedestals; we love their gender bending ways. Larger than life, obviously camp, hilarious, entertaining, and often when they get it wrong somehow tragic.

Imagine, just for a moment, being a transgender person living in that shadow, seeing those representations and then struggling for your own identity and validation. It is not a matter of putting on a sparkly frock, or a pair of jeans and bush shirt. But somehow we still hold on to these perceptions of what it means to be a woman or a man. Do we really understand ‘gender’ at all?

Let’s not pretend that we are all nice and play well together. How many times have we ourselves allowed people from our trans community to become objects of ridicule behind our closed doors? When our rights were being demanded in the fight for social change and justice, our trans people  were leading from the front.  Many people, even in our own community, don’t even know that the law is not equal for trans people in our country. There is an irony that they fought so hard for the cause, yet they are the only ones who have not won yet.

So what can we do about it? We can stand up to be counted when it counts; we use some of our energy and freedom to make sure they get to enjoy what we have. We can say thank you by showing our trans community the same sense of leadership, passion, and courage that they showed us. We don’t avoid conversations with trans people in public for fear that someone may see us, we don’t make the supposition that a drag queen and a trans person are the same.

The Human Rights Commission recently reviewed the chapter on “Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity”. In the OUTLine submission we asked for greater recognition and legal changes for trans people to enable easier transition and appropriate legal status.

There is nothing more humbling than seeing the personal struggle that our trans sisters and brothers confront in being themselves. Not only because of the way ‘society’ treats them, but because of the way we often do. We cannot in all conscience ignore the reality of being trans in this community on one hand and talk about gay pride on the other. As a community we struggled for years to get the law changed, let’s not give up now when we only have one more corner to turn.

For more information on transgender issues, and how you can help, visit http://www.genderbridge.org and look under “legal”.

Make sure your voice is heard! Help us lobby our MPs for legislative change.

Allyson Hamblett (May 2010)