Out of Commission

Out of Commission 121 – Out of Commission (RIP)

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 18:00:37 PDT

In this final hour of Out of Commission, we say goodbye to everyone and everything. Kaptain Carbon and George Force have made their goodbyes so it is now the turn of Epileptic Peat who writes this final dispatch from the towers of his ivory castle.

Good evening… hold back your tears and show some strength for your little sister, okay? In this final curtain call of an episode for Out of Commission, we toss out the playbook, take off our pinnies and head straight to the showers. We are beebopping and scatting around like crazy, breaking all the rules and giving you an honest, heartfelt farewell. It has been over 5 and half years, 121 official episodes, 6 unaired/unrecorded episodes, a dozen cities of residence, 140+ hours of material for Out of Commission and we all collectively respect it enough to lay it to rest with peace and composure. This episode represents the essence of OOC: 3 friends talking about whatever they damn well please. And while that may not have translated into boastful listener numbers, advantageous sponsors or reliable structure, I believe it offered an honest, hopefully humorous account of our daily lives as longtime friends who were brought together, even by a thin thread of the film genre. Sometimes frustrating, annoying and puzzling all at the same time, our dedication to the podcast premise of movie news/reviews was less out of loyalty and more a fear of starting over. Our once-strong bond to the world of movies faded naturally over time and was replaced by the new direction our lives were taken. It diminished like many things in life and our responsibility to those rubbernecking our common interests is to show maturity on how this is handled. We chose to end the podcast before hurting the integrity of it.

Instead of becoming a sad cliche and proverbially “keeping the band together just to jam on weekends”, we are putting to rest this phase of our lives and working on a new podcast that is more catered to our individual strengths. More on that to come…

Regardless, this final 121st episode of Out of Commission is further dedicated to all our listeners who stuck by us through sound difficulties, extended maternity leaves, sabbaticals, AD-SEG, hermitage stints and general negativity about new movies. But can you really blame us on that last point? That assclown Kevin James just needs to choke on a cheeseburger slider and cease being a visual nuisance on the silver screen. We are to be survived by our custom rating system of BUMPIN, SUMTHIN, SLUMPIN and STRAIGHT DUMPIN. We want you to have it. Put it in your back pocket and use it on a rainy day when Battleship comes out. These three hosts have ants in our pants just waiting for your review on that. This is your cross to bear now. Take it like an olympic torch and try not to burn any wheelchair athletes on your way to the finish line.

All is not lost though… in this episode, we do shake our fist one last time at cinema. Epileptic Peat bitches about Lenny Kravitz in the Hunger Games, raves about the Raid: Redemption and vents about the trials and tribulations of threesome hunting and whoopsie daisy strap-on dildo sex. George Force gets hit on by an ugly Rachel Maddow, ponders the new podcast direction and puts us to sleep with one final story. Kaptain Carbon gets all Jack LaLane on us with a new diet, vomits on his husband-mobile after cheating on said diet and faces mortality by embracing Yakety Sax one final time.

It might seem like a moot point but please tell a friend about the show. It will now be purely archival but I do feel we’ve given some good material here. And though it didn’t pick up like we had hoped, we appreciate to no end the people it did reach. Thanks to all those who called and wrote in… even the angry ones. Keep swinging Charlie, maybe you’ll give em a cold. Thank you to our hosts/friends Michael Fisher, Michael Zucker, Anthony Caboni, Area Man, the Davidian Compound, Jason Jones, Ben Heckendorn, John McClane and Gavin Ferguson. You’re the best… around.

OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED THE PODCAST!!

Epileptic Peat

You Bred Raptors?

Kaptain Carbon

Champions of the Universe
Tape Wyrm
Chronicles of Chaos
Pinpoint Music

George Force

Georgeforce.com

Out Of Commission 120 – Where Is Your God Now?! (again…)

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 13:51:33 PDT

If you’re receiving this podcast again, apologies, but there was a problem with the feed and people got episode 119 again, instead of the new episode.

In this early dismissal episode of Out of Commission, we sadly break the news of our departure amid triumphant realizations that all three of us hate new movies. Sure there are some good ones in the past couple of years (Limitless comes to mind) but for the most part your time could be spent doing other things. But let us be honest. For these past two years, you came to us for friendship and we enjoyed every second of it. George Force, Epileptic Peat and myself, Kaptain Carbon, are hard at work with a new show that has nothing to do with the Oscars. While we hammer out the details and acquire all the book rights, you can check for updates on Champions of the Universe — which will be our treehouse until the storm has passed. We are recording a final episode this week which be our series finale. I have been with editing the show for the past 30 episodes as well as making collages for the past 70. Epileptic Peat will take over editing and designing duties next week as he was the original creator for the show. It has been fun guys and gals. I will see you on Champions and whatever show surfaces in the future.

-Kaptain “down with the ship” Carbon

Epileptic Peat

You Bred Raptors?

Kaptain Carbon

Champions of the Universe
Tape Wyrm
Chronicles of Chaos
Pinpoint Music

George Force

Georgeforce.com

Out Of Commission 119 – Country Death Song

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 06:00:55 PDT

Listen I know it is not imperative to know an exhaustive history of the short lived teen sitcom California Dreams but that is all we have to watch. Also I hid your keys and locked the door…from the outside. In this TNBC Saturday programming block of Out of Commission, we help you experience nostalgia int he same way people with PTSD duck at loud noises. We finally wash our last pair of Oscar underwear soiled in weeks past and get down to brass tax returns. Here George Force offer his services in elementary life guidance, Epileptic Peat getting what he goddamn deserves because those kids are totally playing in Sharkeys and Kaptain Carbon as he cannot find joy in a bad military film. Hopefully Sly doesn’t fall for that modeling opportunity which is obviously a scam. Hey, why are you crying?

Written, Produced, Recorded, Edited and Posted by Kaptain Carbon
Collage by Kaptain Carbon
Created by George Force and Epileptic Peat under the supervision of Kaptain Carbon
Copyright Kaptain Carbon 2011

Out Of Commission 118 – Oscars Vs The Grouch III

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 16:21:21 PST

It occurs once every decade or so that we have the honor to pay tribute to a body of work which has come to define a generation. While these films live in the great cultural institutions of film and acting, they also speak to a greater lifelong achievement which will be remembered for many years. Tonight, we the academy celebrate the films of Mario Van Peebles made during the mid 90′s. :::APPLESAUCE::: In this masturbatory 5 hour long celebration as painful as a migraine during sex episode of Out of Commission, we give each other golden statues for pretending to be other people on film. Welcome Gavin, from Gavin Grades the Movies as we analyze the Oscars much in the same way we sift through vomit to find out what disagreed with out stomachs. Wake up with us in night sweats as we clutch each other’s hands and wonder if We the Party actually exists. Come get positive as we discuss The Raid: Redemption and begrungindly give you some netflix recommendations like music snobs do when cornered. Listen, all I am saying is the new Beach House single sounds too mainstream…ohh what do I like…you probally never heard of it….fine…..its an Usher Terry Raymond IV record. Yeah I thought you would scoff at it but his work in the mid 90′s along with Peeble’s films are life changing. You wouldn’t know anything because you are too busy listening to stuff from Sacred Bones and black metal cassettes.

NETFLIX RECOMMENDATIONS

Live Oscar Coverage II

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 08:00:50 PST

UPDATE: We will be opening the live blog up tonight at 6:45 PM NYC time.

February 26, 2012, Out of Commission will once again be live blogging the Oscars. We cordially invite you to drink our hootch, shove h’ordervers into your mouth, or just wrap them in napkins, and cram as many into your pockets to save for later. Because let’s be honest, Kaptain Carbon will be doing the same when he thinks no one is looking.

Hosts will include: George Force, Epileptic Peat, Kaptain Carbon, Gavin, Adam Areaman, John McClain, and others. Pre-game will begin at 7:00 PM, swinging into full force once Billy Crystal opens with the same song and dance he’s be rehashing for the last 26 times he’s helmed the podium. Crystal has done the Academy Awards so many times, half of Dick Clark’s face is starting to get jealous. Rimshot.

So on February 26th at 7:00, we’ll see you right here!

Out Of Commission 117 – Oscar Pre-Game

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 12:39:59 PST

Ohhh God, alright listen I am so sorry about your rug, Ill come back tomorrow and clean every inch but right now I am going to need a roll of paper towels, a garbage bag and an old blanket you are not going to need back. In this embarrassingly incontinent episode of Out of Commission, we work ourselves into a frenzy over the upcoming Oscars much like children do with soda. Hear our hosts run through the best picture nominees like irresponsible students when they realize that the homework was due today. Sit down with Kaptain Carbon as he regales you with tales from his glory days 100 episodes ago while George Force describes the pain and torment of Ghost Rider 2. Please Join us THIS SUNDAY for our live blog oscar party where we will pretend we were invited to the event and that we are important.

Digital Oscar Party COME JOIN

Out Of Commission 116 – Explain it to me like I’m Han Solo

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 19:07:17 PST

Alright, lets say this Syrian conflict is like the events which transpired after the fall of the Clone Wars. Please tell me what is important using these Chewbacca figurines which are still in the original packaging. BE CAREFUL. In this modified education episode of Out of Commission, we explain to our special guest Jason Jones the workings of the universe through extensive Star Wars metaphors. Listen to Jason roll his eyes at Epileptic Peat’s first veiwing of the original Star Wars movies, recoil in horror as George recounts the events surrounding his newest date and place where excatly Kaptain Carbon dropped out of the Skype Call. Ohh yeah we also discuss two foregin films you will not see plus two shitty American films you probally will not see either. There are also reviews of The Women In Black and Chroncile but I know you are here for Jason Jones’ collection of Rebel Alliance cards. That is right Laides…line up here.

Digital Oscar Party COME JOIN

Out Of Commission 115 – Oscar FEVER

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:03:51 PST

Listen, I just need my coat….its….its….its right there damn it now stop crying…this is suppose to be one of the happiest days of your life….stop being a bitch. In this congested and slightly clammy episode of Out of Commission, we make some chicken noodle soup and pass in and out of consciousness during old episodes of Saved by the Bell while simultaneously having repeating dreams about Screech joining the Army. Its Oscar season and all three hosts of Out Of Commission are coming down with something awful. We make our big announcement regarding our Digital Oscar Party and try on different outfits for the big night. We wade knee-deep through a disappointing latex porn with a werewolf plot, a godless survival film, a godless queen Latifah movie and Gone in 60 Seconds II. Once Private Screech runs around this rug 60 times we can all go into the pool. Un. Deux. Trois. Quatre. Cinq.

Out Of Commission 114 – My Sexual Gladiator

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:31:16 PST

Alright, I enter into the arena…its dark but the ground is swelling with thundering dance music. I arrive on a litter held up by 6 ripped studs with neon bronze masks. My champions are in front of me having recently existed from the shower which still glows under blacklight. They have been stripped save for plastic transparent thongs. they are kissing. One by one they try to win my favor by well you can imagine……. in this no longer trying to hide it, all out homosexual escapist fantasy episode of Out of Commission, we return to the sexual coliseum with and orgy of violence and latex jelly. Aside from the dull flap of a thousand writhing bodies, we also discuss the Prometheus, Killer ATMS, and how hot Glen close looks in drag. Yep, no way I am getting out of that comment. Here the excitment spill out as Epileptic Peat and George Force, punch themselves in the leg during Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Here sorid tales of Kaptain Carbon not giving 80 year old Tom Cruise his due in Mission Impossible 4 . Here, give me your pen :: scribble :: do you recognize this stick figure?

Out Of Commission 113 – A Very Merry Contrarian Christmas

sweeptheleg@warpath.tv (Warpath TV) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 11:47:26 PST

Hahah thank you, no really I needed new razors and I was was just thinking how I should listen to Blink 182. I didn’t even know they had a new album. Ohh your apart of a monthly music subscription. Cool. yeah I’m sure we have lots to talk about. Thanks Aunt Stacey for Season 3 of Glee, Ill be sure to catch up on old episodes before settling in with this. And what can I say to this one…wow…thanks for the 15 dollar Olive Garden gift certificate. Hopefully I don’t fill up on those dern bread sticks. In this claw at your face to escape familial obligations episode of Out Of Commission, we hang our stockings on the chimney with care and wait for Santa to rightfully give us what we damn deserve. George Force dreams of sugarplums and the day when he will have viable internet outside of a parking lot. Epileptic Peat may end up on the naughty list due to first degree public battery and Kaptain Carbon finally finds the meaning of Christmas in fictional genre films. It is our Holiday episode and it tastes like Egg Nog cinnmon and plastic mistletoe. Crunch those toes on the carpet and shoot your damn eye out because nothing says holiday fun like a trip on Rape Island.