Out on Limbs

Solve Illegal Immigration Problem by Hiring Homeless People

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Mon, 13 May 2013 05:00:00 +0000

People call it "the homeless problem". That's because it IS a problem. In an ideal world, would there be homeless people? No. End of discussion. Now, I'm not saying you should bomb them off the planet - far from it. You should take them out of being 'homeless' and just make them normal citizens.

NOTE: I'm just spitballing here. Obviously, I am not an economics major or someone who is intensively looking at statistics or anything of the sort. If you're going to nitpick everything or get butt-hurt about this article, do both me and yourself a favor and skip it. If you're willing to listen to this as a normal conversation and bounce some ideas back and forth like intended, go right ahead.

There's 3 problems that contribute to homelessness: 1) laziness, 2) substance abuse, 3) bad luck. You can't really solve bad luck. Substance abuse and laziness would still contribute to being homeless but at least at that point, you've given people a chance at redemption and they've CHOSEN to remain homeless. At that point, good riddance, I hope you don't last the winter and our streets can be cleaner. Too harsh? No. You can't help those that don't want to help themselves and if someone is a burden and nothing more, they need to be removed from the system.

Why is it that immigration continues to exist? Because people are able to get jobs that allow them to stay here. Why are they getting these jobs? Because they work for little pay. Why are places employing them for such little pay? Because that way, THEY can make more money. The problem isn't that everyone is trying to cheat the system - the problem is that the system isn't allowing them an alternative to AVOID cheating the system. It's the argument that people bring up with downloading piracy problems. I don't want to spend $10 per movie, so I might either download it for free or watch a DVD I borrowed from my friend for free. Either way, you're losing money, but that's because you're being greedy. If you were charging me $5, maybe I would take the risk and see it at the movies rather than choose a free option. Maybe if these companies had legal methods to save money on employees that were willing to work cheaper than normal, they'd do it and not hire illegal immigrants to do the jobs.

Hire the homeless at the same relaxed, sub-minimum wage rates. You might be arguing that that means I'm saying they're less than human and not deserving of the minimum wage. I'm not saying that. But if you force them to hire them at minimum wage, you either have to LOWER the minimum wage rate for everyone (which won't work) or you have to accept the fact that it won't work as that is already in place and nobody does it. The ENTIRE point is that they aren't willing to hire people at that much money.

You might be thinking right now that this will cause a problem where employers will only hire homeless people to save money on their wages. That's why you put a limit on the number that they can hire. Put a cap on the number of employees that they can hire in this program. It's all about limitations and balance. Businesses want to make the most amount of money possible and they should be trying to do that. Just in the same regard, employees are trying to make the most amount of money possible - and they should.

So instead of having homeless people taken out of the equation, you give them an option. They can choose to do the job at a lower rate or they can choose to remain homeless. For each homeless person that opts to do this, the government will place them in a program that gives them some help (some food, shelter, clothing, etc). They pay income tax to help this out and they're able to keep some of their money for themselves. The companies that hire these homeless people are given some tax breaks -- incentive to do it. This will help people have a better chance at moving out on their own and NOT being homeless, wherein they can go find a different, better job and get their life back on track. That means less homeless people. Less homeless people means less crime, less money spent on the homeless people and on anything they become a burden to, etc. Public transportation is utilized to get them to the jobs. Other jobs open up as people are employed to oversee this program. Everyone wins out...except of course, illegal immigrants.

The illegal immigrants are suddenly being pushed out of their job positions because they can't find that work. Doing it illegally means the companies don't get those incentives, as they can't register them as working for them. America is still a country where we'll take you in and you can become a citizen but by doing so, you have to go through the proper system. Then, once you're a citizen, there's no "illegal immigration" problem in regards to you getting a job as you're entitled to any of them that you want. Less illegal immigrants in the country helps tone down crime as well as spending less money for programs about illegal immigration and so on.

In the end, we get a country with people that are citizens, we help our homeless problem, and everyone saves money. All it takes is people actually giving a shit to help each other out and not having our priorities out of order. Would it take time? Sure it would. Every kind of change takes time. Would it 100% solve both problems? Of course not. There would still be homeless people and there would still be people illegally coming into the country - but there would be significantly less. Morale would go up. When morale is up, people accomplish more and they're more willing to give to each other and help each other out.

Now, let's go watch the baseball match!

If You Don't Have Something Nice to Say, Speak Up

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 01:26:00 +0000

People always say that if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all. As with most black and white phrases, I tend to disagree in certain circumstances. There's always a gray area where the saying is thrown out the window.

Now, don't get me wrong, I fully understand and support the notion that you shouldn't be mean for the sake of it or that you should try your hardest to be nice, courteous, and respectful. That even extends to keeping things to yourself because it would hurt someone's feelings or cause an argument and there wouldn't be much of a purpose behind you voicing your opinion.

However, there are those other times that people don't like to mention. Sometimes, you can't simply spare the rod - or rather, shouldn't. It might make you the bad guy to speak up and it might rub people the wrong way, but it's perfectly justified in my mind if it comes from a place of love rather than cruelty. That is what Out on Limbs is about, in essence - being a voice to the voiceless and shouting out the opinions that people may not want to hear but it would serve them right to hear it, all in the interest of improving society or specific individuals. Once in a while, it's fun to make a cruel joke or something of the sort, and used sparingly (and of course, not TOO cruel), it's ok, but you'll never see posts here that are simple hate-mongering or spreading a toxic mentality. I can be harsh, blunt, and oftentimes difficult to listen to, but the purpose is to enlighten and to entertain.

This is where some people get it wrong. You should be as honest as possible in the nicest way possible and the second half of that is where some people get it wrong. Freedom of speech doesn't necessarily mean you have the right as a human being to be hurtful to others. This is even worse off when what you're saying is either flat out wrong, completely uncalled for, or just rude.

The racist words she would have said if it weren't for that tape...

Sometimes, people need to be told their flaws. Companies ask for your opinion feedback not just because they want to hear only the positive things but also because they want to hear the negative so they can improve on it. If nobody says anything because it's not nice to complain or point out faults, then nothing will be fixed, correct? The entirety of this divide is based on the difference between constructive criticism and flat out bitching or spreading hatred and almost everyone even as a child can tell them apart. It's up to you to be an adult and to handle the situations that come in front of you. Do you keep things to yourself because that will be the best manageable outcome, do you speak your mind and hope to fix the problems in the most humane way possible, or do you foolishly spew filth for the sake of venting your frustrations? I think even if people don't necessarily want to admit it, they know deep down that you shouldn't always bottle things up because that isn't always the best route to go.

So I'm leaving you with two options here: 1) you agree with this article and leave your praise, or 2) if you disagree with it and have nothing nice to say about it, you can shut up. Have a nice day ;)

Restaurant Servers, Not Waiters or Waitresses Anymore

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 17:00:00 +0000

The words "waiter" and "waitress" are no longer used in restaurants. Instead, this job has transformed into the description of "server".

First thing's first...a while back, I wrote a post arguing that we should still use the term "secretary" as "administrative professional" just sounds ridiculous and nobody should be offended by it. This post is in similar fashion, but oddly enough, supportive.

There's two primary reasons why the word "server" makes more sense than keeping the waiter/waitress designations.

1) It condenses things to keep it gender neutral. Isn't it annoying to have to type "his or her" instead of "their"? The same applies to saying "waiters and waitresses" instead of "servers". Keeping things streamlined makes for more efficiency unilaterally.

2) It's more true to the job itself. They're not exactly waiting on you more than they are serving you, right?

There's a "servicing you by doing a job" joke here somewhere

Essentially, that's the end of this discussion as far as I'm concerned. It's a tiny post, sure, but nothing more needs to be said. If you want to argue about tipping, I'd send you here. If you want to bring up some other topics, leave your comments below and we'll open up a dialogue. Here at Out on Limbs, there's always room for more opinions.

I Don't Like Soda, it Tastes Disgusting

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 06:23:00 +0000

I'm a picky eater and one of the discussions I have all the time is about how I don't like soda. It's an unpopular opinion, I know, but it is what it is. The same applies for ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, pickles, so on and so forth. By far the biggest of the bunch, though, is the soda issue.

You'd be surprised how often not liking soda can become bothersome. As a child, there were incalculable amount of times where I would have to opt to drink nothing with a meal because nothing other than soda was available to me. This has become more relaxed over the years with the bottled water insanity going around, but there was a time where a situation like another kid's birthday party consisted of no alternatives. What kids aren't sucking down bottles of soda left and right?

This brings up another point: the wide range of sodas. Everyone has their favorite. They might be a Coca-Cola loyalist or they might take the Pepsi Challenge. Do you like Sierra Mist or do you like Sprite? Where does Dr. Pepper come into play? For someone like myself who doesn't like ANY type of soda, when you bring that point up to other people, they undoubtedly run down the list and ask you if you like any different brands. This guy couldn't possibly dislike every single carbonated drink out there...could he?

Not a winner in the bunch

But I do. It's also even one of the reasons I don't drink liquor (though the inebriation and peer pressure aspects far outweigh the taste problem). To me, the carbonation is just too overpowering. Every sip of every single soda drink I have ever tried has just tasted like it burned my tongue and mouth. It never quenches my thirst in the slightest bit and I don't even have the tolerance to taste the artificial flavoring added to it because the burning sensation pushes that in the background.

Whether it's caffeine free soda, zero calorie diet soda, any kind of flavorings, or even flat to compensate for the carbonation, I've quite literally never had a single sip of soda that I've ever enjoyed in the slightest bit. In a way, it's a good thing. Soda is incredibly unhealthy for you, as we've all been told, and this has given me the ability to avoid that problem. Granted, I've counteracted it by eating a piss poor diet and not exercising or getting much sleep, so I'm not any better off than the rest of you if I'm not in fact unhealthier for those other reasons. In the end, it's just another one of those things that seems to separate me from the majority, for better or worse, which causes some awkwardness but also some interesting things to think about. I fully expect nearly everyone to disagree with me on this issue, though, so commence the arguing.

Are you also not a fan of soda? Do you think it's ridiculous that I'm not? Leave a comment below!

Stupid Warning Labels for Idiots: Funny and Ridiculous

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:10:00 +0000

The old adage is that if you touch a hot stove, you'll learn your lesson and not do it again in the future. The next time, you'll protect yourself. Nowadays, instead of letting natural selection take its course to weed out the morons in the world, society seems to be struggling to accommodate them. We should be leaving them in the dust, but we're stopping to turn around and hold their hand and push them along at the expense of ourselves. Perhaps there's no better way of illustrating this than the absolutely ridiculous warning labels being printed on products lately.

Obviously, warning labels are a necessity. Some things can legitimately be complicated or there could be some weird side effects that seem completely illogical. But the problem isn't that warning labels exist, it's that they need to warn people about the most ridiculous things. It's perfectly reasonable to have a warning for which medicines you can take and to what quantity. It's another thing to have to warn people not to grab hold of the sharp end of a chainsaw.

Nah, c'mon, do it. Then you won't be able to type a bitchy comment below

That's not an isolated incident. Hell, these two prove that there are morons out there that not only don't know not to eat an iPod Shuffle, but they also aren't smart enough to realize that peanuts contain peanuts!

If you're stupid enough for these things to cause you any kind of danger, then I'm sorry, but your lack of intelligence is at such an extreme level that you're beyond saving. You obviously should not be trusted in any kind of job or to properly drive a car or anything else that affects the rest of the people in the world, so you might as well just kill yourself - which you probably will do sometime when you put yourself in a washing machine.

Showers tend to work better

You can't blame the companies that print these warning labels as they're just covering their asses in case someone tries to sue them for their own stupidity. That's why we see warnings that you shouldn't suffocate yourself with a plastic bag or spill hot coffee on yourself or God forbid STRANGLE YOURSELF in your window blinds.

I submit to you an idea. How about, instead of printing these labels for the benefit of idiots, we print warning labels on the foreheads of the stupid people in the world. That way, when you are approached by someone with the giant "MORON" stamp on their head, you'll know to ask for someone more qualified to deal with and not waste your time. Give me a warning ahead of time so I can try to avoid these people.

DO YOU HAVE ANY INTERESTING FUNNY WARNING LABEL STORIES?
TELL US IN THE COMMENTS SO WE CAN LAUGH AT THAT IDIOT WITH YOU!

What Will Happen on December 21, 2012?

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 13:24:00 +0000

It's now December and you know what that means, it's the most wonderful time of the year - apocalypse time!

Definitely looks like an Oreo. I can't unsee that.

There's always been this looming doomsday associated with the date 12-21-2012 primarily due to interpretations of the Mayan calendar amongst other things. Many people think that the end of this cyclical calendar which supposedly translates to this day means that we'll have some cataclysm that will wipe us all clean via natural disaster. Others disagree, thinking that it means we'll have a global enlightenment or that aliens will reveal themselves publicly, or something else that could potentially be positive. No matter what, everyone's got their idea about how on this day, life as we know it will cease to exist.

So what do I think is going to happen? Absolutely nothing. Now of course, I don't mean that literally. People will get up and go to work after having a cup of coffee. Some people will be rushing to get their Christmas shopping done. I'll be recording my latest episode of Smack Talk as I usually do on Friday nights. We'll see lots of news reports about how it's the end of the world, but we'll also see the typical news reports about murders, fires, and other scare tactics so that's not much of a surprise. [Side note: Seriously, how fucking depressing is the news when all they do is focus on that stuff? Ridiculous.]

That whole January thing really puts a damper on this apocalypse, doesn't it?

How many times have people predicted the apocalypse in the past? An incalculable amount of times. And how many times have they been correct about it? Zero. You'd be surprised at how many people will believe in something if they just hear about it enough without looking into it enough to form a valid opinion about it. Then there are the people that want to believe in something, so they will, as simple as that. Usually, those are the people that willingly blind themselves to reality to believe in a hopeless cause. You see them fully expecting that their lottery ticket is the winner or that when New Year's Eve comes along, they suddenly get a reboot and things will change. Calendars don't work that way, not even the Mayan calendar. Still, some people are of the negative side of things and are equally wishing that we have some sort of a disastrous situation coming our way on 12-21-12. Why? Well, if you ask them, they'll probably give you the answer that mankind sucks and we need a fresh start, but they're not Ra's al Ghul, they're just trying too hard to seem edgy and they'd both shit and piss themselves the second they saw a meteor fall from the sky.

When all is said and done, the most significant thing about this day will end up being that nothing happened and yet another doomsday prophecy turned out to be nothing but paranoia. And hey, if I'm wrong (but I wasn't before), then I'll eat my words, cause in a post-apocalypse world food will be hard to come by, right?

Except for Twinkies, unless Hostess really does go out of business

Black Friday Shopping Crowds are Crazy

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 10:35:00 +0000

Thanksgiving is coming up and for anyone who has followed this blog in the past, you know that I consider it one of the most hypocritical, stupid holidays out there. As I've previously pointed out, Thanksgiving is a holiday where people eat themselves into oblivion while claiming to be thankful for what they already have. I also ran down five reasons why I don't like Thanksgiving in general. Now, it's time to take a look at the holiday that is coupled with it: BLACK FRIDAY.

Black Friday is a day dedicated to shopping. I'm not the first to point it out, but it still needs to be said that it's contradictory to Thanksgiving itself. Again, be thankful for what you have, then a few hours later, go insane trying to grab as many possessions as you possibly can.

Doors: The Black Friday Shopper's Worst Enemy

Before I continue, let me get something out of the way. I'm not opposed to Black Friday's concept in general. Far too many stores charge you far too much for their products. Markup is absolutely ridiculous and any time that there's a sale, it makes sense to take advantage of it. Sometimes you can get some decent deals, although for the most part it seems like these "deals" are just ways to get rid of products that aren't selling because there are better alternatives. If I'm saving 50 bucks on a TV, that's awesome, but if that TV is already 300 bucks overpriced and there's a much better TV for around the same price, I'd rather pay a little more for the thing that doesn't suck. Take that, eMachines.

Black Friday's gotten out of hand, though. There's always fights that break out in the lines because some jackass doesn't realize that if he shows up late, he has less of a chance of getting that tablet or iPhone. How much do you want to bet that on Saturday, we'll be hearing in the news that someone was trampled half to death by the other customers just steamrolling over them?

Lol you selfish mother fuckers

Last year in West Virginia, a man named Walter Vance at Target had collapsed and later died but everyone was so concerned with shopping that they ignored the guy. That's appalling and what's even worse is that it's become completely expected and not even shocking anymore. If this weekend comes up and you find out that someone got injured due to the chaos of Black Friday, are you going to think twice about it? Probably not.

It's a lot simpler nowadays to just do your Black Friday shopping online with companies like Amazon. Sure, you might not be able to find absolutely everything, but then again, how much of this shit do you really need? If this economy is in such shambles as it is and everyone is complaining about not making enough money or having a job, why are you so concerned with spending your money on another computer or a brand new video game system or some other luxury of the sort?

If you're deciding that instead of spending time with your family on Thanksgiving, you'll camp out in a line outside of a Walmart or Best Buy, I think your priorities are a bit off. In this economy, there are plenty of people that are camping out elsewhere because they have no choice. Take advantage of the sales, naturally, but it's not the end of the world if you have to pay extra for that completely unnecessary luxury item.

Now who wants to go pick me up a cheap external hard drive? ;)

Leave the Toilet Seat Down or Put Up?

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Sat, 20 Oct 2012 11:13:00 +0000

One of the age-old arguments between men and women revolves around the proper etiquette of the toilet seat position. Women complain that men leave the toilet seat up, men forget to put the seat down (or consciously choose not to). Which one makes more sense out of the two options? The answer to the great debate is rather simple.

I shouldn't have to explain the methodology in which men and women use the toilet. If you don't understand that, then you're one of two things. Either you're either a child who shouldn't be reading this website in the first place [or better yet, read it more so you don't grow up to do the stupid things your parents do] or you've got performance confusion and should definitely not use a public restroom for common courtesy of those around you. Nobody wants to see you take a shit in a urinal [ok, that might be funny].

Very simply put, in the cleanest way possible [no pun intended] men have the ability to utilize the toilet for all three primary functions if the seat is down. Those primary functions are urination, defecation, and vomiting. You don't have to be a trick shot artist with marksmanship aim to pull off the first, the second is self-explanatory, and the third implies that your head is already hovering the area so there's not much more ground you can cover from that angle. For the sheer awkwardness that I can assume comes from squatting for women, compared against the versatility men have, it's hard to argue in favor of putting it up and needing to do that extra work.

Unless you're Barney Stinson. That guy's awesome.

Granted, that extra work is not that difficult at all. It takes one second to move a toilet seat. There usually aren't situations where there's an emergency and you not only don't have that extra second to adjust the seat according to your problem, but also that you're unable to look ahead of time. For the women that complain that they'll fall in if the seat is up, you should try glancing at where you're going to plant your ass before you start backing up and parking. Men have even less room to complain considering that we stare facing that direction the entire time.

When you rule out that both sides lose on the argument of cleanliness (as keeping the cover down on top of all of that makes for a less shitty looking [pun intended this time] bathroom), it really boils down to the points above. For those reasons, the women have won this round. Sorry guys, you'll just have to put up with it.....pun not intended but greatly appreciated.

"Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? That's the joke."

Got any good stories about this argument? Want to voice your concerns [seriously?] or just vent about how annoying people can be about this? Leave a comment below for some discussion and tell us.

High School Drama Never Ends (When Adults Do Childish Things P1)

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 18:00:00 +0000

We've discussed in the past that maturity doesn't come with age on its own and how it's more of an issue of someone's psychology rather than life span. There are mature teenagers and there are immature elderly people. To those children that act well beyond their age, I commend you. To those people that don't act their age, I hope you enjoy this multiple part entry. I'm trying something new here by splitting it up.

PREFACE: The older I get, the worse my perception of people older than me becomes. I can look at children 1/4 my age that know more than I did at their age with great pleasure (keep up the good work, guys and gals) and I can equally look at people that have been on this planet decades longer than I am and just shake my head at how appallingly dumb and stubborn they are. Too many people that call themselves adults have no right to call themselves that other than in terms of physiology. This applies to young adults, middle aged men and women, and even the old folks out there. The negative stigma of doing something "childish" would naturally make you think it's a child doing the act, but far more often than they'd like to admit, an adult is doing the same thing somewhere else. Let's take a look at some of those examples, shall we?

In part one of this series, we're going to take a look at HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA:

If you've never heard the term, it's supposed to reference the idea that teenagers blow things out of proportion, get stressed out over little things that won't matter later on in life, fight over stupid things with each other, gossip about one another, and so on. The phrase implies that the attitude is indicative of the age range. I'm curious, how many people reading this article right now that have graduated high school have eradicated this from their lives entirely since then? When you graduate, people don't just stop doing these things. The only difference is that you're no longer in the pressure cooker that is grade school where things are magnified and less easy to ignore. If you make an ass of yourself in school, people talk about it and it spreads quickly to your entire social microcosm. A kid being made fun of will be made fun of in front of everyone he/she knows in seconds. An adult out in "the real world" can go a very long time without realizing that people have little to no respect for them. Every office has their cliques, just like the tables in the cafeteria in school. It makes for good television when it's a high school and it does just the same for adults. Look at the CW network.

This is the cool crowd that hangs out in the hallway before class

People of all ages gossip about others, especially if they have nothing better to occupy their time with. If you don't agree with me on that, go ahead and talk to an elderly person for a good hour and see how many stories they have to tell you. Better yet, look at how much celebrity gossip is thrown at us everyday (because celebrities are apparently not human begins that deserve privacy for some reason). Kids will come home from school and talk about another student just the same as an adult will come home from work and talk about a coworker. Did you hear that Amanda failed her Geometry test? Did you hear that Amanda is getting fired? Talking about how Jim showed up late to Chemistry class is the same as talking about how Jim showed up late to work. The children at school complain that their teacher is mean and assigns too much work. The adults at their jobs complain that their boss is mean and assigns too much work. Prom King and Queen are the popular people just the same as the person with the promotion is oftentimes the person who has sucked up and made a lot of friends in the right places. The only differences when it comes to work and school are that you get paid instead of just a grade and you require that money to survive instead of just to continue moving on through school. The social aspects are still pretty much the same.

In part 2, we'll take a look at the childish things adults do when it comes to friendships and relationships.

Why are Penis Enlargement SPAM Emails So Prevalent?

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 08:17:00 +0000

Email has been around for a very long time now and yet we still haven't been able to get rid of spam. Pretty much the only way to make sure you don't get spam is to not have an email address, which in this day and age, is pretty much impossible. In fact, even if you don't have an email address, you still get junk mail from the postal service (which by the way, if you're interested in how pointless that is sometimes, click here). Thus, we're stuck with having to just delete our spam and hope it doesn't come back (knowing full well that it will).

Personally, I have too many email addresses to keep track of, since I have so many accounts on so many websites. However, I have three primary email addresses that I use: two for official things (such as the contact form above) and one that I use to sign up for any and all websites that look shady in the slightest bit. You never know what site is going to immediately sell your information out and overload your inbox with crap. Naturally, the latter of the three email addresses is just riddled with 50+ spam emails a day. Thankfully, the former two might get 10 a month between them. But no matter what the websites are that I've signed up for, no matter what protection (no pun intended) I use, it seems like there's one predominant subject in my spam emails: penis enlargement.

Sure, the second most likely spam I get is from some New Zealand millionaire trying to cut me in on his money or some FBI cash-in that I should take advantage of (cause you know the government, giving you money via email instead of taking it from you via...well, every possible way), but 75% of the time, it's a message informing me that I can make my penis bigger if I buy some Viagara or something.

This begs the question: why, out of all things, is penis-related emails the thing that people send out so often? Why not other topics? Is there some kind of connection between the concept of "electronic mail" and "small dick" that I don't understand?

And really, what's the success rate? The only people that would bother clicking for more information are the ones that fall into a cross section between "people that suffer from this condition" and "people that are too stupid to realize that it's a spam email". Is this such a huge number that it warrants the popularity of the spam?

Whatever happened to "target audience"? A porn website having ads for Viagara makes sense to me but I wouldn't expect to get this type of email from other sites. Thank you for signing up to Home and Garden. You know what else needs to grow? Your penis.

You would think that with spam email, the goals are to trick people into buying something, get their information and steal from them in some way, or putting their information into your system so you can send them even more spam for your advertisers (who would in turn hope that the people would see the ad and buy something from them). If that's the case, why is it not the "free iPad" and "free iPhone" and such type of ads that are more likely to pop up? Why target people with erectile dysfunction - especially when 1/3 of all infomercials are about this as well (the other two being dietary supplements or exercise equipment and kitchen utensils or gadgets).

Spam is annoying enough as it is, but this particular type of spam just boggles my mind.

Do you have any funny or frustrating spam email stories? Let us know in the comments.

Confusing Captcha Sucks, Can't Read Annoying Images

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Tue, 10 Jul 2012 19:05:00 +0000

By far one of the worst things in the history of the internet is the Captcha prompt. If you're unaware of what that is, it's the annoying picture of jumbled up letters that you're supposed to type out to prove that you're a human being and not some kind of a spam bot. You might recognize it as being that thing that continually tells you that you need to redo it, preventing you from submitting some kind of an email or signing up for a website or something.

In theory, the Captcha is great - and when it works well, it's awesome. Being able to prevent spam is something I'm sure we're all a big supporter of. Some of the Captcha software out there is actually not frustrating whatsoever. The problem comes in with the others. They attempt to hide the letters so well that it becomes a burden for even the real humans to read it! How are you expected to be able to read garbled up nonsense like this?

Go ahead, try to figure this reCaptcha prompt out

Ok, granted, I made that one up on Photoshop. But still, would you have known the difference if I didn't point it out to you? These eight following Captcha images, on the other hand, I didn't manipulate. They're just as I got them:

Braille would be easier to read at this point.

Is that pactsie? What's the definition of xemestt? Did you seriously need to darken the background of the word "has", one of the only real words? Am I supposed to type the "-[" part of "red"? What about the comma after 532 squared? Why are there so many math problems in this, like pi and 006? And are you kidding me with the literally cut in half word on the second one on the left column???

They offer you the option to play a recording of it to help you out, but that shit is even more confusing than the letters! It sounds like two Transformers having sex with Stephen Hawking...which I'm sure would create a real badass offspring but that's beside the point. They claim this is for the visually impaired. That's just mean, as they'll listen to that and assume they're going deaf as well.

It's a shame we don't have a better system in place to stop spam, or that this would stop spam entirely so we could at least consider it a necessary evil. Until it yields better results, or until it stops being a vomited black text mess with askew letters that I have to cycle through 30 times to be able to read, Captcha is going to be one of those things I wish would just become a relic of the past.

GOT ANY GOOD CAPTCHA STORIES? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS!

5 Academy Awards They Need to Add

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Sun, 01 Jul 2012 04:28:00 +0000

I'm a big fan of films and because of that, I follow the Oscars every year. This year, unfortunately, it was a pain in the ass, but nonetheless, next year I'll be doing the same, no doubt. Every year, though, I think about how so many people are getting robbed of their credit. With that being said, here are some Academy Awards that I think they should add to the ceremony but have been neglecting:

1. Best Action Sequence (aka Best Stuntwork/Choreography)
Stuntwork, choreography, working out the CGI and the other effects, proper safety...this is all extremely intricate work. How come after all these years, we have awards for most jobs in the film industry (save for the ones that really you can't get an award for, like being the guy that gets everyone their coffee) yet the stunts get no love? The only rationalization I can see for this not being included is to hope that people don't try to do incredibly dangerous things just to get the attention of the academy for an Oscar - but still, that'd be to their own discretion. Some do that anyway and don't even receive an award for their efforts.

2. Best Synthetic Performance
With the advancements in CGI, we've seen lots of characters that are nothing more than a guy in a motion capture suit combined with a voice actor and the animators. I might not be the biggest Lord of the Rings fan out there, but Gollum is a prime example of something that should have been rewarded. All those involved in that did such a good job that if it weren't for the fantasy element and knowing that you were seeing a movie, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between that and reality.

3. Best Film Trailer
There are so many movies that I've seen solely because the trailer was epic - even if I didn't necessarily think that the film would turn out as good. Battle: Los Angeles, for one, disappointed me for the film but the trailer is still fantastic. Other noteable examples (but better movies) are Inception, The Island, Garden State, etc. I think we can all agree that the trailer for Alien is fantastic, right?

4. Retroactive Awards
Sure, it would be tough, and take a ridiculous amount of time (therefore making this impossible to happen) but I think a lot of movies were screwed over because of categories not existing at the time that they were out. We all know that if Best Animated Film was around for The Lion King it would have won that. The same goes for Aladdin.

5. Best TV Film
If they can have an award for documentary, short film, animated film, the standard motion pictures, then why can't they acknowledge films that were broadcast on television instead of being distributed through movie theatres? Now, I would say that they should also create a category for online content, but I think that's premature. Several years from now, yes, but at the moment, it's too new for that. TV, however, is not new. If the Golden Globes can give an award to TV film/mini-series, the Academy Awards can give one to best television film.

Things Your Kids Do That I Don't Care About

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Generally speaking, I'm in the middle ground when it comes to kids. I'm certainly not one of those people that instinctively hates every little kid they see and never wants to have them, but I'm far from the people that just adore little kids as if they're the best things possible in the universe 24/7. I'm sure when I have children of my own, I'm going to love them like I've loved nothing else in my entire life - but I'm still going to find the annoying things annoying, for sure. If I can be sure that my own children are not exempt from this, how do you think I feel when it comes to YOUR children? For each of you parents out there that want to waste your time promoting your kids to me, I submit to you this list of things about your kids that I could not give two shits about.

The "Cute" Things They Did
The amount of things children do that is legitimately cute is far outweighed by the things that adults market as being cute. The newer the parent (or older in regards to grandparents), the more likely they'll find something cute, to the point where damn near everything is being spoken of as the cutest thing ever. The baby coughed - so cute. The baby moved its mouth and I misinterpreted it as a smile - SO CUTE. The baby laughed - SO @%#$!* CUTE AHHRGUGHUGH!!! I know you think your baby is the most adorable thing in the world, but that's because it's your baby, so keep that in mind when expressing those feelings to other people. How many people that truly love their wives call them the most beautiful woman in the world? Now compare that to how many of them literally go around and show people pictures of their wives and say "isn't she the most beautiful woman in the world?" versus the amount of people that do that with their kids and how cute they are. On top of it, cuteness is an opinion. Some people think it's cute to see a kid dump pasta all over their head. I happen to think it's a perfectly good waste of spaghetti - something infinitely more awesome than a baby.

Way to ruin dinner, idiot. The starving kids in Ethiopia don't think this is adorable.

The "Funny" Things They Did
Yeah, ok, that might not have been CUTE, but you have to admit it was FUNNY. No, I don't. Most of the time when I laugh at something a kid did, I'm laughing at how undeveloped they are and how they did something flat out stupid. The same applies to my dog, a Yorkshire Terrier who is a complete moron that scratches my dishwasher for the sheer hell of it and is perfectly willing to eat sticks of chalk but refuses to eat the leafy part of Romain lettuce. I laugh at my dog's stupidity and if your kid does something stupid, I'll laugh too, but I'm not going to think it's a riot that your child made a silly noise in an attempt to be silly. Your little kid isn't a future stand-up comedian because they repeated a knock-knock joke they overheard on the Sprout Network...particularly if they butchered it and made it nonsensical. Little kids can't do observational humor - they haven't been alive long enough to observe anything. Slapstick humor is something I find dumb even when an adult does it, so no excuses there (sorry, Three Stooges, you bore the shit out of me and I find you horribly stupid). You probably shouldn't be encouraging your kid to pretend-fall anyway unless you're willing to put up with the tears afterward when they hurt themselves.

The Impressive Milestones They Hit
I'm glad your kid took its first steps. Really, I am. If God came and gave me full control over whether or not your kid could walk, I'd say yes, let the kid walk. I'm not cruel. But I honestly don't care beyond that unless there's something special to it. If the average time to say your first word is 16 months and your kid says "mom" in 15, congrats, but it's not the same as if your 2 year old changed the oil in your car. People are so quick to take credit and live vicariously through their children that they make a huge deal about little things and try to pass them off as major accomplishments beyond what normal children do. This leads us into the next category...

How Smart/Clever They Are
EVERYBODY just has the smartest kid in the world, don't they? Let's just look past how many of them are really going to be honor students, shall we? Your kid mumbles a bunch of nonsense and you attribute words to that jargon and suddenly your 1 year old is speaking fluent multiple languages. It's no grand feat if your kid is old enough to know something and they know it. So what if your 3 year old understands that flipping a light switch turns a light on and off? Again, it's not as if they built the damn thing. Once more, it would be a different story if you're talking legitimately abnormal cases. If you do in fact have a 2 year old that can do calculus with you, by all means, brag away and tell me more.

Your Predictions on their Future Job
Little Jimmy throws his football - he's going to be a quarterback some day! Sure he will. They're scouting young these days and maybe with a little training he can walk in a straight line without bumping into a wall. As with all of these, I'm lenient on this when it comes to certain things. If you notice that your 10 year old kid has tendencies to do certain things, I would definitely be trying to predict future job options for them. What I find stupid is when people take a kid too young to have any information about and blow things out of proportion and fill in the blanks. A toddler boy playing with a toy car doesn't mean they'll grow up to be a race car driver or a mechanic. A little girl playing house doesn't mean she'll grow up to be an interior designer or real estate agent. How many kids out there play 'doctor' and actually grow up to be a nurse or neurosurgeon or anything of the sort? When I was little, I used to like looking at bugs, I wanted to learn karate and be a Power Ranger, and I absolutely hated school. I've done nothing career-wise in my adult life in regards to animals or fitness/sports and instead, I've spent my time getting a teaching degree and writing. You can't guess these things.

Who They Look Like
You know who they look like? YOU. If they don't, you have a problem. If you're both Asian and your kid comes out looking like Morgan Freeman, I'm interested. If you're two Irish people with white freckled skin and red hair and you end up having an Irish kid that has white freckled skin and red hair, who gives a shit? I certainly don't want to sit there and pinpoint every little feature your kid has and compare them to the two of you and see which one matches up. Aw, look, little Jimmy has your nose, my eyes, and Dennis Franz's mustache!

Who wants wallet sized portraits now?

What They Eat
Infants and old people share the same 4 most dominated topics of discussion: how often they go to the bathroom, how often they sleep, what medical stuff they have going on right now, and what they've eaten recently. Your kid goes from formula/breast milk to baby food to eventual normal food, all the meanwhile coming across things they like and things they don't. There. I just saved you all the effort you ever need to talk about unless something weird comes up, like if your kid just can't satiate their craving for drywall or if they mistakenly ate cat food one day and would prefer that over chicken nuggets.

How Big They Are
This applies to both their size when they were born and whatever size they are now. I'm not interested unless your kid's a freak and I certainly don't hope that's the case, for their sake. If you somehow gave birth to a 250 lb 6'4 baby, good lord, you need to stop telling me and start telling the Guinness Book of World Records instead. Your kid is going to grow in height, so I don't care if the last time I saw them was 6 months ago and they've grown X amount of inches. It happens. If they shrank, that's worth talking about (as well as a premise of a movie and a bunch of sequels that were unwarranted). I certainly don't care about their weight, particularly if you're going to say they're a "big eater" and then start telling me about what they eat - we already went over that. Let me know when they're big enough in age to have a legitimate conversation and develop a personality so we can move past these pointless discussions of your kids.

Look, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be proud of your kids (unless they've done nothing to be proud of), nor am I saying that your kids shouldn't dominate your life. You're a parent, your kids are supposed to be the most important thing in the world to you. The trouble is when you forget that they're not equally the most important thing to everybody else.

10 Annoying People at the Movie Theaters

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Fri, 04 May 2012 22:54:00 +0000

Going to the movies is one of my favorite things in the world to do, if not THE favorite pastime of mine. How amazing is it when you sit in that dark auditorium and suspend your disbelief long enough that you get sucked into a film and forget you're watching it? The environment greatly helps the spectacle in many ways. Comedies are usually funnier if you're around more people who are laughing. Action films pump you up more if the adrenaline floats around the room. The popcorn is hot and buttery, the screen is huge, the sound is deafening, and a fun time is had by all (unless the movie sucks). That being said, there are some really annoying people you can interact with at a movie theatre that I figured we'd poke some fun at and examine.

Keep in mind, as indicated here, I just went through the 12+hour Ultimate Marvel Movie Marathon, so I came across a few of these just yesterday.

1. The Tall Guy
Enough said, right? Seeing the movie screen is vital to the whole experience. In fact, it's the most vital ingredient to it.

2. The Short Person Complaining About the Tall Guy
Ever sit next to the short person behind the tall guy? They fidget and grunt and groan the entire time, even afterward. It's insensitive to say so, but hey...I can see the movie fine. Stop ruining it for me. Sit on your coat or purse or something.

3. The Person Who Keeps Going to the Bathroom
You couldn't have peed before the movie started or before you got here? Or is it that you just have a really small bladder and can't sit 120 minutes without a draining? Maybe you shouldn't be drinking that giant soda if that's a problem. Oh God, why are you going for refills!

4. The Talker
Shut up! A quick 3 words to the person next to you whispered quietly is ok, but don't legitimately have a conversation or just speak as though you're NOT in a movie theater. This goes double for children. A variant of this is the cell phone user that has their bright screen out the entire time, texting people and having it buzz really loudly - because the buzzing is silent mode and we don't hear that, right?

5. Whomever is Responsible for the Sticky Floor
We're talking about normal movie theaters here, not the ones where the sticky substance is most likely not popcorn, candy, or soda.

6. The Backseat Kicker
An accidental bump here and there when you're shifting in your chair is perfectly fine, specifically if it's a light tap. If it's anything more, whisper "sorry" and we're cool, just don't do it again. But have you ever sat in front of someone that legitimately was just kicking your seat out of boredom? How rude is that?

7. Giggly Teenage Girls / Crying Babies
OMG like that guy is TOTALLY hot. Let's laugh over the stupidest shit and get out our cell phones and text each other about what we just saw happen in the movie. I lump this together with crying kids because they're both potentially ear-shattering with a high pitched squeal.

8. The Late Entrant
This is the guy that shows up at the last second before the movie starts, when the lights have gone down and you're all psyched up for it, then you notice him and you're suddenly right back to remembering that you're in a movie theater. Extra bonus points if they also sit in front of you after you sat through all the previews thinking that you had an empty slot.

9. The Early Leaver
The credits haven't even come on and these people are already standing up and leaving. Some of them will stand at the back of the auditorium and watch the rest of it, hoping that they'll be able to pop through those doors and out to the parking lot before everyone else. Gotta beat that traffic! Others might not even bother watching the rest of it. I have zero idea how they can do that and just miss the end of a movie they paid to watch and invested all that time in. I personally stay until the credits are over with unless I'm in a big rush (and really, if I'm in a big rush, why did I have time to go to the movies?) but I can understand why others don't. Not every film has a credit cookie. However, if I know ahead of time that there's supposed to be one, I try to help out the other people sitting in the theater along with me and tell them that there's a post-credits scene.

10. The Person Who Doesn't Understand the Movie
You both just sat through the whole thing, beginning to end, and yet they need to ask you a thousand questions about it as if they've never seen it. Did you pay any attention or are you just stupid?

So do you have any funny/interesting stories to tell about your experiences at the movies? Let us know in the comments below!

Being Too Proud of Your Race or Ethnicity to Annoying Levels

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 06:47:00 +0000

I know, I know, the title's got you pissed off already. Before everyone jumps to conclusions, let me clear up a few things that I'll point you back to if you start getting confused:

1. This article is in no way saying any race is better or worse than any other. They aren't. Equality means equality.

2. This article is in no way saying that you shouldn't be proud of who you are - so long as you've got something to be proud of. By that, I mean if you've done nothing but bad things, you shouldn't be proud, and if you've done something positive, you should. Don't brag because you're associated with someone who did something good that you had no part in, just as much as you shouldn't be ashamed that someone you're associated with did something bad that you had no part in. Example, I shouldn't get an ego boost if my friend wins the lottery (because I didn't do anything) and I shouldn't get ashamed of myself if the state of New Jersey has low standardized test scores (because I'm smart and I tested well on those).

Now that the fire's been dampened before it raged out of control, let's continue.

Are you like me where you get really irked when someone acts as if they're trying desperately to draw attention to the fact that they're a certain race and that they want you to know, beyond anything else, that they have that in their genes and they're proud of it?

For instance, why is it that people who grew up in the United States their entire lives still sometimes say things like "Mother Africa"? You've got to be kidding me. That's like a child having gone through foster families their entire lives giving endearing nicknames to their biological grandparents that they've never met. Even if you've made that grand trip on a vacation over to the country that you have a connection to, you're still being pretentious about it. You don't grow up in Chicago or Detroit or something and start acting like you're straight from a cannibalistic tribe civilization - unless of course, you're one of the people this post is talking about.

Many people that do this take it upon themselves to go out of their way to do things that are stereotypical of their background so as to seem more authentic. Have you ever come across someone that acted as if they were straight off the boat from Italy, speaking with a heavy accent? They start pronouncing things in a horrifically pretentious pseudo-mocking Italian accent (this becomes very prominent when talking about food like mozzarella...it's not "MOOTZ-a-DELL!!!!"). They're also likely to pretend like they're a member of the mafia just because their name ends in a vowel. Oh I'm sure you know a family member that TOTALLY has connections. You're hardcore. You must be a made man, right? By the way, unless it's specifically made from meat, it's just spaghetti sauce, not gravy. Just because you threw some meatballs in there to finish cooking with your other ingredients doesn't mean it's gravy, no matter how much your family will tell you otherwise. [And before anyone says I'm not ripping on things that I am in this post, I'm part Italian.]

Have you ever noticed that these people are always so willing to embrace the positives of their races but they neglect the negatives? You're an Irish person and you can hold your liquor like no other! You're a black person and you're hung like a horse! The only time they bring it up is if they're looking for sympathy or charity, which in turn makes it a positive for them. Just because you're 1/16th Japanese doesn't mean I should feel sorry for you because a tsunami hit Japan in 2011. You know who I feel sorry for? The Japanese citizens and their families. Unless you live there, have lived there, or know people that live there, you're not a part of this at all. This all boils down to an ego thing and when you mix ego with race you end up with the stupidest thing of all: discrimination on races. That is an underlying issue here and it works both ways. Just because you're of a certain ethnic background does not mean that you are by default a worse person than any other race out there - but at the same time, logic dictates that that means you also aren't BETTER either. If you're a teenager, you're not entitled to slave reparations because you didn't suffer like the true slaves did. Just because you're part Native American (or "Injin" if you're an idiot that can't pronounce words correctly) doesn't mean that you're one with your animal spirit guide and you're more connected to nature. Just because you're part Roman doesn't mean you yourself are some badass gladiator - and even if you're Russell Crowe, you're still overrated.

Pictured: Every Roman/Greek/whatever descendent ever, according to these idiots

What this boils down to is a simple concept that people over-complicate due to their own likes and dislikes and pride. Every ethnicity is different in both good and bad ways. They all have rich backgrounds filled with interesting things to learn about as well as boring, uninteresting things that have happened. Every ethnicity has achievements under their belt and embarrassments they'd like to forget about. Unless you actually have a direct hand in any of these things, though, it's obnoxious of you to think that any of your culture's history reflects upon you in any way, positive or negative. Be proud of what YOU'VE done and be embarrassed about what YOU'VE done - not what came before you that you just so happen to have a familial and biological connection to.

Questions and Answers Survey

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 05:40:00 +0000

I was tagged by Karen of Drawing Room Days for this Q&A blog chain, so without further ado, here are my answers to her questions:

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

1Q: Did you hear about the swimmer that interrupted The Boat Race in England? Do you think it is right to conduct a protest in such a manner or is there a better way of getting your point across?
1A: I don't know too much about the situation, but in general, I don't condone that type of a protest. People will just be laughing at the guy and they'll forget about it in no time, so whatever issue you're protesting about receives nothing from that and you just receive imprisonment and/or fines, and that time and money could have been spent trying to protest in a different, more effective way.

2Q: What is the one thing you wish your teacher had taught you in school?
2A: I've always thought that school should be formatted differently wherein everybody learns the majority of things you need to learn in life out of the basics but then they can choose their electives to pursue other interests they have in more detail. I went over this a bit in my High School Revamped post, but short answer, I wish I didn't waste time on subjects I had no interest or use for in the future (like anything beyond the basics of Chemistry, absolutely everything in Trigonometry, etc) and learned more basic life lessons like little "do it yourself" machinations. I've found out dozens of use of vinegar that have been more helpful to me in life than anything I learned in Advanced Biology because it's more likely I'm going to clean up a stain than that I'll be needed to identify the digestive tract of a grasshopper.

3Q: Which 2 people would you most want to tag and why?
3A: My future self from when I'm middle aged and my future self from when I'm a senior citizen, just to see how different my answers would be - and to contact myself from the past and give myself warnings about things to change...despite the time paradox potential.

4Q: If you give money to a charity, which one and why do you do it?
4A: I don't give money to charities for three reasons. First off, I simply don't have the money to. I lend money to people all the time that have more money to me because they're bad with their money, but the key word there is that I 'lend' it to them. If I were rich, trust me, I'd be the type of person that would give someone $20 out in public just because I saw them do something nice for no reward like hold a door open for an old person. Second, I don't give to charities because I don't trust them to be worth anything, generally speaking. The amount of Blah Blah Fund organizations we have out there for the same causes is ridiculous considering how much money they have to spend for advertising and such. If there were just one for each charitable cause, there'd be less overhead. Plus, how many times do we hear about people skimming from the donations? And in the grand scheme of things, charities for a cause like Cancer or "awareness" of something don't make a difference. The only ones that do are the ones that directly buy things for people that need them and such. Thirdly, some charities are argumentative and pushy and I don't want to give them the impression that that will work. I hate it so much when I get a phone call from some place asking for a donation where they tell me "I'll just put you down for $25". No, you won't, and if you start arguing with me on it, I'm even less likely to give you anything in the future. ASK me for a donation, don't TELL me you're putting me down for a donation.

5Q: Why do you blog?
5A: A few reasons. Naturally, I want to make money, but I also want to get my opinions out and entertain and help people if I can. Out on Limbs for instance is a way to achieve all those things. I try to make my posts interesting to read (entertaining) but not just a cheap thrill. They should be insightful in some way, even if someone could disagree with my point of view (which I always encourage friendly debate about). I can use these sites to market myself as well as get my frustrations out when it comes to whatever topic I'm referring to.

6Q: Do you think it is important for the youth to go to University after school or is it better to get experience through trade colleges and apprenticeships?
6A: It depends on the person and their future job. If you're someone that doesn't know what they want to do with their lives, college is the best option for you. The same for if you know for sure what you want to do and you're working towards a degree in that field. However, if you're someone that works a menial job and you're content with it, don't waste your time. This may sound rude, but it's the truth, and that's what Out on Limbs is about - but if you're someone that does nothing but work at Walmart and you have no true passion for something else but you just want to go to a college and take classes for a business degree or what have you, stop lying to yourself and save your money. You won't be opening up a business - you'd be better utilizing your time if you worked towards becoming a manager at the place you currently work and then maybe a district manager if that all works out. It's an unpopular belief but I don't think college is there for us to just fuck each other like bunnies and experiment with drugs and alcohol. College is about schooling, not partying. The partying is the immature rebellious side of you getting out because you have more freedom now than before and you can't handle it - and you eventually realize that later on in life when you're more mature about things. I'll never say people shouldn't get more schooling, so if people DO want to go to college and take classes and learn more, I'm all for it for everybody, but realistically, some people are just better served honing their craft outside of a normal college. A highly skilled carpenter will make a good living being a highly skilled carpenter - he doesn't need to get a useless Communications degree. I'll be hiring you based on your work, not your potential for other work. I'll take a professional chef that trained at a culinary institute over a burger flipper that has a highly advanced legal degree from Harvard...when it comes to cooking my food.

7Q: What is your most vivid memory from when you were a child (say under 12)?
7A: So many. One of them is a distinct recollection that when I was around 10 years old, I opted out of a game of Wall Ball (goes by many names, we also called it Suicide - it's when you throw a tennis ball at a wall, if you lose, you stand up to it and other people throw the tennis ball at you) because that day I just felt like it would be a bad idea, despite how I never got hurt badly in any previous games (just "ouch, that hurt" from being pegged if I dropped it - rules are rules). I was off to the side, talking to a few people, and lo and behold a wayward ball from someone's throw bounces off the wall and directly blasts me right in the eye, giving me my first black eye and catching me totally off guard, hurting like a son of a bitch. Universe just wanted me to get hit that day and opting out of the game wasn't a good enough way around it, haha.

8Q: What is your number one item on your bucket list?
8A: I don't have a top of the bucket list. I just have way too many things in my head that I'd put on it that I'd never be able to organize it. I'm positive I'll die with a thousand things still on it, not just because of an inability to do some of them, but because I'm never satisfied with accomplishing something. I always want to have accomplished more of it and quicker so I could move on to the next thing. I recently just updated the layout of this website and immediately after looking at it and saying "I really like what I just did", I started making a mental note of what else to change soon.

9Q: When writing, do you find you have a particular word (or a few words) that you tend to overuse? If so, which ones?
9A: A few words and phrases I use quite often are "random/randomly", "thus", "therefore", "however", "henceforth", "etc", "so on and so forth", and breaking things down into a list of 3-5 things (like 4A up above).

10Q: Do you have an alter ego?
10A: I don't, but Tony does. He's just not here right now ;)

11Q: How do you really feel when people offer you their constructive criticism?
11A: Constructive criticism is more than welcome, but people need to know the difference between true constructive criticism and just pointing out flaws or putting someone/something down. I'm always up for people trying to help me out in any way if they have the credibility to help, but I can't stand it when someone just says I need to stop doing something that they disagree with. Why?

Tell me your responses to those in the comments. Now it's time for me to tag some others I know and give them some questions to answer in response. You guys can comment on here with your answers to these questions as well. All questions are open to all readers.

TAG - YOU'RE IT: Michael Burhan | Liz | Verbal Fireworks | Doodie Pants | My Life, Yours Too

YOUR QUESTIONS TO ANSWER:

1. What is something you have trouble admitting to yourself?
2. Who is someone other than a celebrity or family member that you respect highly, and why?
3. You're on national TV and the world is watching. You can do or say anything. What happens?
4. Name a celebrity you think you could legitimately be with in a relationship as opposed to someone you just find attractive.
5. What is your biggest pet peeve and why do you think it bothers you so much?
6. You're given a choice of one super power to have - what do you pick?
7. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
8. What political party/parties do you tend to support and why do you agree with their opinions?
9. What do you want to accomplish but haven't been able to, and why?
10. What are you ashamed about that makes you happy?

Have fun everyone, and remember, if you want me to do more Q&A segments, just send in your questions via the contact form.

5 Stupid Baby Names for Kids, Annoying Unique Names

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 08:38:00 +0000

I'm not a big fan of kids in general, particularly when it comes to babies. In fact, I've been sitting on a list of reasons why I don't like your kids that I haven't written yet (but will soon, trust me, particularly if this post is popular). But one aspect I wanted to go over about children that annoys me is something that isn't their fault at all - it's their parents' fault - and that is the process of naming your kid.

Now, any sensible person would do a bunch of research of names, write down what they like, discuss it with people, and figure out what works best for what you like and what will not screw over your child in the future. Still, people end up falling into traps of some pretty dumb ways to name their kids.

Before we get into it, let me preface this by saying that a general rule of thumb to apply here is never to name your child something that could get them made fun of or discriminated against in any way. You might not want to admit it, but it's a sheer fact that people judge other people by their names and certain things are detrimental. Would you name your kid Anita if your surname was Cox, or would you have the sensibility not to? Keep that in mind.

Without further ado, here are FIVE annoying types of names for people and why I think they're retarded.

I could have used so many names on this, but people like butt jokes, so, yeah

1. THE CO-GENDER NAME
Some people think it's very cute to take a girl and name her something that's primarily a boy's name or vice versa. I don't, at all. Yeah, I see what you're doing there, naming your daughter Charlie or your son Courtney. I know, you're trying to be different at any means necessary (a common theme on this list), but that doesn't mean it's a good idea. Different isn't always good. Answer me this question: if you read the name Thomas, does that make you think of a boy or a girl? If you answered a boy, congratulations, you're sane, and now you know why you shouldn't ever name your kid something that the opposite gender is normally named. When I read the name Dylan, I imagine a boy, so if Dylan Gunderson or whatever is actually a girl, God forbid she ends up looking like a tomboy because for entire life people are going to be saying "oh, I expected you to be a boy". There are some unisex names, sure, and as long as they've been firmly established as having years upon years of both names (and that means more than a decade) then they're ok. Most of them, by the way, are nicknames. For example, Lex could be a nickname for a boy (Alexander) or a girl (Alexis/Alexandra/etc). Sam could be short for both Samantha as well as Samuel. The problem comes in naming your son Samantha or your daughter Samuel. If you don't want everyone that your child interacts with for their whole lives getting their gender wrong, avoid this at all costs.

2. CHANGING THE SPELLING/PRONUNCIATION OF A NAME
This whole article was brought about from a story I was told of someone talking about naming their child Keefe instead of Keith and being angry that people kept getting them confused. Uh, excuse me, I think the problem is that YOU got them confused, idiot. Some names have multiple types of spelling that are very standardized, so again, they've become exceptions to this rule. For instance, some people are named Derek, some are Derrick. Some people are Jon, some are John (John's the right one in my mind, though). But if you're taking a name that already has an established version of it and twisting letters around for the sake of being different, go fuck yourself. "Maxwell" is not spelled "Mackswel". "Chloe" is not "Kloey". And for God's sake, nobody thinks you're being clever because you switched a Y and an I, you're just setting your kid up for people spelling their name incorrectly and them having to explain it all the time. Is it really worth it for you to be SO hip that your daughter isn't "Sylvia", she's "Silvya"? The same goes for pronunciation. If I see the name "Harvey", I'm pronouncing it "HAR-vee", not "Har-VAY" and if your name is spelled "Eliza", I'm saying "e-LI-za", not "ah-LEE-za". Do you pronounce other things wrong while you're at it and say things like cho-co-LATE and com-PUTT-er?

3. SOMETHING THAT ISN'T A NAME
This applies to tons of things. It can be an item, this could be an animal, etc. Two popular ideas are to name your kid a state or a city, like Dakota, Montana, Dallas, etc. While yes, these are names of the places, I'll give you that one. However, it's rare to find people that like the name and don't more primarily like the connection to a place or the idea that they're naming their kid something weird. If you named your child Gwen and there just happens to be a town called Gwen out there, that's a much different story than naming your kid Poughkeepsie. Another really popular thing to do is name your kid some concept or idea, like Cherish, Hope, Destiny, Karma. Please. Those are stripper names and just because you name your kid some kind of adjective doesn't mean they'll be that quality. Naming your daughter Beautiful doesn't mean she won't necessarily turn out hideous (and before you pull that "beauty on the inside" crap let me just forewarn you that a post is coming about that later on as well...also, shut up, stop being argumentatively PC, grow a pair). Extra points go to someone who tries to name their kid a word backwards. Oh, wow, you went with Nevaeh because that's 'heaven' backwards, awesome, here's a cross, you can stick it up your ass if it's not already filled by your own nose. [That was not an anti-religion thing]. Trust me from experience (Mango) that having something as a name that isn't necessarily a name can sometimes get VERY annoying - particularly if you don't have a sense of humor about it like I do.

4. AN OBSCURE NAME FOR THE SAKE OF HOMAGE/OBSCURITY
Do I even need to explain why people shouldn't name their kids things like Batman or Obi-Wan or Indiana Jones? If you want to name your kid something in reference to something you're a big fan of, do it in a more subtle way. For Batman, why not name your son Bruce with the middle name of Wayne? Instead of Obi-Wan, why not Ben? Instead of Indiana Jones, why not Henry Jones? Two examples I use quite often for things I wouldn't mind naming my children, if I was going to reference things I liked, would be from the Terminator series - Jonathan Connor and Kyle Reese. Those are normal names, unlike if I named my kids T-800 and Cyberdyne. Maybe you're a big fan of 2001: A Space Odyssey and you can name your kid Hal (not HAL 9000) or Heywood Floyd. Maybe you like Harry Potter and you have the sensibility not to name your kid Severus, but you go with Ron. Far too many people that are a fan of something just go ahead and name their kid a reference to it without thinking that maybe their kid might not be a fan of it as well. If that's the case and you've opted for a normal sounding name, your kid doesn't need to be locked into it their whole lives, but if you pick something that clearly points to it, then there's no choice. Your kid is not going to go unnoticed with the name of Elvis, and if they hate Elvis, then too bad? That's not being a good parent. And please don't get me started on just random shit like Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette or Apple Paltrow...good lord.

5. FOLLOWING THE LEADER OF POPULAR/TRENDY NAMES
The previous four have all been about doing something different to stand out, but another major problem is doing the complete opposite - trying desperately to fit in and name your child whatever is currently a trendy thing to name them. How many people nowadays do you know that are naming their kids something along the lines of Hayden, Aidan, Jayden, Cayden, etc? It's equally as bad to try desperately to stand out as it is to try desperately to fit in - in everything in life for the most part (other than success), like when people change their clothes to blend with the crowd or to go against the crowd rather than being themselves. If you legitimately just happen to like a name that's popular right now, go for it, but think about how your kid's going to have a lot of people around them with the same name. That in itself could be annoying. I never usually had to differentiate between myself and another Anthony in class, or if I did, it was just Anthony and Tony (me), but I would go by Tony anyway, so no problem there, however I used to always have classes where there were more than one Daniel or more than one Matthew or Amanda or something. You should never do anything just because it's the thing to do as mankind has shown numerous times that a popular idea isn't necessarily a good one. Look at the Holocaust - lots of people went along with that, and I'm sure the big supporters named their kids Adolf and from then on in, those kids had to deal with that shit. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for living in the zeitgeist.

All in all, keep in mind that if your child is going to have to explain their name to people frequently then you're picking the wrong name and you should reconsider. Put the well-being of your children before your intense lust for standing out and 'originality' (even though 99% of the time, you think you're being original but you're not).

George Costanza: Seven's got cachet, baby! It's got cachet up the yin yang!

US Postal Service Obsolete - Faces Extinction & Bankruptcy

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 03:38:00 +0000

I just saw a commercial for the United States Postal Service trying to convince people to stop using technology and go back to their way of doing things. In what's being called "the refrigerator commercial", they say the following – "a refrigerator has never been hacked" (I beg to differ), "an online virus has never attacked a corkboard", and that there's extra security with snail mail. It won't get lost in thin air or disappear with a click. They then, naturally, tell you that if you want to know more about "safe ways to stay connected" with them, visit their website at www.usps.com/mail for God's sake.

See, stuff like this bothers me. It's a necessity to promote your business and I understand the idea behind it, but just because I understand the "why" doesn't mean I support the "what" or think the "how" was done properly. All commercials are annoying because of how much they have to lie to give off the impression that their product or service is better than what it actually is. If they told you the truth, you wouldn't be interested. The cheeseburger at Wendy's doesn't look nearly as good in real life as it does on a television ad where they brushed it with oil, stacked up the ingredients, filmed it with the proper lighting, etc. In this case, how many mail carriers do you see walking around with bright smiles on their faces, greeting people like they're Jimmy Stewart after his epiphany in It's A Wonderful Life? The people take their mail and then fart out some rainbows themselves. It's so awesome to wait 10 days for something that could have been sent directly to my computer instantaneously! Whether rain or sleet or snow – or in this case, the sunniest day in the most perfect neighborhood in Fantasyville. In reality, we have situations like if you park your car just a little bit too close to your own mailbox, you get a note on it from the mailman telling you you're a dick. We get the stereotype of the disgruntled mailman that dogs hate "going postal" and shooting up his office. [Before everyone complains to me and says I'm saying everyone that works at the USPS is a horrible human being or inept or anything, I'm not saying that. There, saved you some effort and now you don't need to comment about how much you hate me because your cousin once delivered mail.]

Whether rain or sprinklers, we'll be there.

Just like nearly everything else nowadays, they focus on the scare tactics rather than presenting facts to you, because if you look into the pros and cons, your product pretty much sucks in comparison. Let's tell the people that if they use an alternative, bad things will happen, so ignore the benefits. What are those benefits? Well for one, as I mentioned above, there's the time frame. They don't call this form "snail mail" because it's a cute little slug with a backpack handing you your birthday card – they do it because it takes longer than anything else. When you send someone an email and it doesn't go through, you usually get a message right afterward that says it didn't send. You then can easily just resend it. What happens when you send mail through the US Postal Service and it gets lost? You might not EVER find out that it didn't get sent. How about the time it takes to get a paycheck, drive it to the bank, deposit it, drive home, write a check out, and then have it delivered in the mail versus automatic deposit and bill payment through the computer? No contest. You want to talk about computer viruses and hacking, what about mail fraud? When have you seen it cost more money to email someone as opposed to how they keep raising the price of stamps? All I get with my normal mail anymore is junk ads that I throw out like credit card companies begging me for their service, hoping I'm irrational with my spending so I can owe them my life with interest or the occasional pamphlet about how there's yet another pizza place that opened up in the area. The last thing I received through a non-electronic method? I can't remember the last package that was sent to me through something other than FedEx or UPS.

New slogan for Pizza Hut: "We Deliver Pizza To You". No shit you do.

You want to save the US Postal Service? Here's what you do. First off, stop raising your prices. Everyone seems to think that if you're hurting for money, up your cost and it'll make up for it. Instead, people just say "bullshit, I'm not spending even more" and they stop using you entirely. Ask nearly every business that has tried this how it worked out. Also, you're hurting from email? Put some effort into trying to create the best mail service possible through the internet. How did the USPS never fully get invested in the "electronic mail" concept? Losing money because FedEx and UPS are stealing customers away? Look into charging less for your shipping so people use you as an alternative. If you offer a better deal for the same or better service, people will use you. What's this I'm hearing about how you might stop delivering mail on more than Sundays now? You win by offering more for less, not less for more. I'm not spending more money on your company for you to give me less – ask Comcast, who tries to up my bill every year and remove channels.

I don't WANT the United States Postal Service to go under and die out, but the way they're refusing to adapt and survive, it looks like that just might happen.

Get with the times, adapt. It worked for the toothbrush.

2012 Oscars / 84th Academy Awards Results & Predictions of Winners

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:00:00 +0000

Every year, I like to do my best to predict the winners of the Academy Awards. The following are the nominees, my predictions, and eventually the results as well as my review on the results.

NOTE: Normally I make some blind predictions, then watch all of the movies, then make a more informed decision. This year, however, I just can't find myself able to do it. Why? Because the films listed below are SO pretentious and I find them just completely uninteresting to watch to a ridiculous level. Thus, my predictions will remain virtually as a shot in the dark from what I know about the movies that I haven't seen and in comparison to the few I have.

BEST PICTURE
NOMINEES: The Artist, The Descendants, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, The Help, Hugo, Midnight in Paris, Moneyball, The Tree of Life, War Horse

BLIND PREDICTION: The Artist - considering how douchey this year is, this is the douchiest.

RESULT: The Artist

BEST ACTOR
NOMINEES: Demian Bichir (A Better Life), George Clooney (The Descendants), Jean Dujardin (The Artist), Gary Oldman (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy), Brad Pitt (Moneyball)

BLIND PREDICTION: George Clooney. I did enjoy his performance.

RESULT: Jean Dujardin

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
NOMINEES: Kenneth Branagh (My Week with Marilyn), Jonah Hill (Moneyball), Nick Nolte (Warrior), Christopher Plummer (Beginners), Max von Sydow (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

BLIND PREDICTION: Christopher Plummer. Why? I don't know. He won the Golden Globe, that's about it.

RESULT: Christopher Plummer

BEST ACTRESS
NOMINEES: Glenn Close (Albert Nobbs), Viola Davis (The Help), Rooney Mara (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady), Michelle Williams (My Week with Marilyn)

BLIND PREDICTION: Michelle Williams - people are obsessed with Monroe for some reason.

RESULT: Meryl Streep

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
NOMINEES: Berenice Bejo (The Artist), Jessica Chastain (The Help), Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids), Janet McTeer (Albert Nobbs), Octavia Spencer (The Help)

BLIND PREDICTION: Octavia Spencer - biggest buzz.

RESULT: Octavia Spencer

BEST ANIMATED FILM
NOMINEES: A Cat in Paris, Chico and Rita, Kung Fu Panda 2, Puss in Boots, Rango

BLIND PREDICTION: Rango.

RESULT: Rango

BEST ART DIRECTION
NOMINEES: The Artist, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Hugo, Midnight in Paris, War Horse

BLIND PREDICTION: This is a toss-up as they never follow a format here. I'll say Hugo, but no matter what, I'm sure I'll be wrong and they'll pick the Artist, or if I pick the Artist, they'll pick Hugo. I'll go with Hugo, though.

RESULT: Hugo

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
NOMINEES: The Artist, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Hugo, The Tree of Life, War Horse

BLIND PREDICTION: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - just to give it something.

RESULT: Hugo

BEST COSTUME DESIGN
NOMINEES: Anonymous, The Artist, Hugo, Jane Eyre, W.E

BLIND PREDICTION: The Artist - typically, one film wins a lot of these things and the Artist is nominated for a lot.

RESULT: The Artist

BEST DIRECTOR
NOMINEES: Woody Allen (Midnight in Paris), Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist), Terrence Malick (The Tree of Life), Alexander Payne (The Descendants), Martin Scorsese (Hugo)

BLIND PREDICTION: Martin Scorsese - I can see this being the reason why Hugo is nominated for so much but wouldn't win Best Picture.

RESULT: Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist)

BEST DOCUMENTARY
NOMINEES: Hell and Back Again, If a Tree Falls: A Short Story of the Earth Liberation Front, Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory, Pina, Undefeated

BLIND PREDICTION: I don't make predictions on this category because I never watch them.

RESULT: Undefeated

BEST DOCUMENTARY (SHORT)
NOMINEES: The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movement, God is the Bigger Elvis, Incident in New Baghdad, Saving Face, The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom

BLIND PREDICTION: I don't make predictions on this category because I never watch them.

RESULT: Saving Face

BEST FILM EDITING
NOMINEES: The Artist, The Descendants, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Hugo, Moneyball

BLIND PREDICTION: The Artist.

RESULT: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
NOMINEES: Bullhead, Footnote, In Darkness, Monsieur Lazhar, A Separation

BLIND PREDICTION: I have to go with A Separation. Normally I don't predict this category, but if they gave this a nomination for Best Adapted Screenplay as well, I'd be foolish not to pick it as their future choice.

RESULT: A Separation

BEST MAKEUP
NOMINEES: Albert Nobbs, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, The Iron Lady

BLIND PREDICTION: Albert Nobbs - no reason.

RESULT: The Iron Lady

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
NOMINEES: The Adventures of Tintin (John Williams), The Artist (Ludovic Bource), Hugo (Howard Shore), Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (Alberto Iglesias), War Horse (John Williams)

BLIND PREDICTION: The Adventures of Tintin - no real reason.

RESULT: The Artist

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
NOMINEES: "Man or Muppet" by Bret McKenzie (The Muppets) or "Real in Rio" by Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown, and Siedah Garrett (Rio)

BLIND PREDICTION: Extremely surprised that there's only two nominations this year. That seems crazy. Let's go with the Muppets on this one...what the hell, right?

RESULT: "Man or Muppet" from The Muppets

BEST ANIMATED SHORT
NOMINEES: Dimanche, The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore, La Luna, A Morning Stroll, Wild Life

BLIND PREDICTION: I don't make predictions on this category because I never watch them.

RESULT: The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore

BEST SHORT FILM
NOMINEES: Pentecost, Raju, The Shore, Time Freak, Tuba Atlantic

BLIND PREDICTION: I don't make predictions on this category because I never watch them.

RESULT: The Shore

BEST SOUND EDITING
NOMINEES: Drive, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Hugo, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, War Horse

BLIND PREDICTION: Hugo.

RESULT: Hugo

BEST SOUND MIXING
NOMINEES: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Hugo, Moneyball, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, War Horse

BLIND PREDICTION: Hugo.

RESULT: Hugo

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
NOMINEES: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Hugo, Real Steel, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Transformers: Dark of the Moon

BLIND PREDICTION: Rise of the Planet of the Apes - to help appease the Andy Serkis debate.

RESULT: Hugo

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
NOMINEES: The Artist, Bridesmaids, Margin Call, Midnight in Paris, A Separation

BLIND PREDICTION: The Artist.

RESULT: Midnight in Paris

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
NOMINEES: The Descendants, Hugo, The Ides of March, Moneyball, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

BLIND PREDICTION: Moneyball - though I'm about 90% sure they'll just give it to Descendants or something instead now that I've predicted it to be Moneyball.

RESULT: The Descendants

THOUGHTS: I was unable to watch nearly every movie nominated because I just couldn't get interested in them. This year was a boring show to me itself due to that factor, as it's hard to get invested in an award show if you don't care about any films nominated for any category. I'm very surprised a lot of things weren't nominated for a lot of categories. The highlight of the show in my mind was Emma Stone's presentation. My predictions score was 10 wrong, 10 right. For a blind guess, I guess you can't expect much better than a 50/50 split considering how it wasn't a 50/50 guess between 5 nominees - but I guarantee I would have done better if I had been interested in the films and watched them.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

Respecting Someone's Beliefs & That's Your Opinion

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:00:00 +0000

Oftentimes, I find myself in arguments where people use the typical phrase of "that's your opinion" - even if sometimes, I'm stating a fact and they're too stupid to realize it - as if that suddenly means there's no room for discussion and an opinion can't be right or wrong. This ties into another phrase, "I respect your beliefs".

The problem I have with these two sayings is that they're meant to be an 'out' for an argument but they rarely are used in the proper context. Something people tend not to understand is that there's a difference between respecting someone's right to believe in something you disagree with and respecting someone's beliefs themselves. I wholeheartedly respect the notion that someone can disagree with me and form a belief that I don't condone or subscribe to. They're entitled to do that, considering how I'm not infallible or all-knowing (yet). However, that does not mean I have to respect whatever their point of view is and put ANY kind of credibility into it whatsoever.

Not all beliefs that contradict each other are of equal value. Some things that are believed out there by people are just flat out wrong and absolutely stupid, completely out of the realm of plausibility. Sure, you can disagree with me saying that I think The Shawshank Redemption and The Godfather are the two best films of all time. Fine, I can live with that, and we can agree to disagree. What I can't be fine with, however, is if you tell me you think Jimmy Stewart played Michael Corleone. You are wrong. He didn't. End of story. I don't need to "respect your opinion", you're a fucking moron.

"Well, that's your opinion" you might be thinking. Yes, it is, and any educated person would agree with me. An opinion is not a legitimate fact in black and white so generally speaking, it's up in the air whether or not an opinion can be right or wrong. Back in the past, if your opinion was that the world was flat, it turns out you were wrong, but if your opinion is that I Can't Believe It's Not Butter tastes the same as regular butter, power to you. If we're talking facts, you can't throw this "that's your opinion" line at me to try to end the discussion - nor can you tell me I have to respect you blindly and not explain why you're so dumb.

Respect is thrown around way too much nowadays as some word that has been bastardized into meaning "you shouldn't disagree with me and you should always support what I want" and it's incredibly abused by hypocrites, primarily. Ever heard someone in an argument say to the other person "I respect you, but..." and follow that up with an insult? Pointless for you to say the respect thing first because it clearly isn't true. Here's a scenario that we've all experienced in the past: an old person does something wrong, you call them out on it, they say you're not respecting your elders. This isn't an issue of respect, this is an issue of right and wrong. They have no legs to stand on about doing something negative so they try to hide behind this protective shield. Just because you're old doesn't grant you immunity from responsibility and fault.

Many people reading this right now might get the wrong impression, that I'm saying there's no inherent respect. Not true. Respect needs to be earned through character and actions, not age or wealth or anything other than behavior. HOWEVER - and here's the most important concept in this whole article - every stranger needs to be treated with the baseline respect of "you're potentially a decent average human being that deserves not to be treated worse than average until you prove me otherwise". Some people are better than average. Lots of people are much, much worse. You adjust the respect accordingly.

And if you disagree with me on this, I respect your entitlement to disagree with me - but HOW you disagree with me might both be disrespectful and absurd, and yes, that would be my opinion ;)

The Major Flaw of Christmas Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Christmas movies are a staple of the film industry. Every year, we see a few new ones try desperately to shove themselves into the pop culture consciousness, with only the rare examples actually becoming noteworthy enough for people to remember. Despite a bad track record, the thing that bothers me the most about Christmas movies isn't that they're just generally piss poor to watch, but that they all have one big glaring problem nobody seems to ever acknowledge...

SANTA.

Wait a second, Tony, how can Santa be the problem of a genre of film dedicated to the fictional character? That would be like saying the reason Ghost Rider sucked wasn't because of it's bad script or the cheesy jokes or the bad acting or the lackluster action or the (ok you get the point, Ghost Rider sucked), but because the Ghost Rider character was in it. Not exactly. The problem comes in when you look not at the essence of Santa Claus but the purpose of Santa Claus.

Backstory for those that may not know it: Santa Claus flies around the world in one night's time, sneaks into your house, gives you gifts if you've been good and coal if you've been bad, and that's about it, we don't need to get bogged down in the details. The character is of course a whimsical fantasy that only kids and severely damaged adults believe in, and this transitions to the films as well. Frequently, a Christmas movie will tackle the subject that adults need to be more childlike and stop working at their office job because their ties are strangling them and what we really need in the world is the innocence of youth and to cherish family (and blah blah blah), and it'll do this through a war of beliefs in Santa Claus. Someone doesn't believe, others try to convince them, we find out that Santa was real all along (despite how, you know, he isn't).

The problem comes into play when you look at the time frame before the film starts. Let's say our protagonist is Phil and he doesn't believe in Santa but his stepson (or his biological son that he shares custody with, there's usually some divorce angle thrown in there) does and he's trying to convince him that he's real. The kid's got all the excuses in the world - he's a kid. Kids are dumb. You could tell a young enough kid that if lemonade is made from lemons, orangeade from oranges, and limeade from limes, that Gatorade is made from squeezing the juice out of alligators, and they'll probably believe you. The kid doesn't know that Phil's been buying the gifts all the time.

But what about Phil? What the fuck does Phil think when his kid suddenly has gifts all these years that he never bought and never placed under the tree? Did Phil, every single year, just think to himself that he must have completely forgotten buying all those toys, wrapping them, putting them out there when he was decorating, and so forth? What about every other person in the world? All of those people have been getting gifts from Santa for years and it isn't common knowledge that Santa exists? EVERYBODY either thinks they've got amnesia and they never bring it up to anybody else they know, or they do and Phil has just been utterly oblivious to this fact of life for a few decades? That's beyond living under a rock.

The only way that this proof of Santa's existence doesn't become common knowledge is if there are no gifts every year that confuse the parents. If the parents never see any gifts that they didn't buy, then of course they would think Santa doesn't exist - because Santa never gives people any gifts to show any bit of existence. That's even more clear cut than the God/miracle thing as those are open to interpretation but you damn well know whether or not you had an extra physical item you unwrapped. Thus, if Santa isn't giving out any of these gifts, to anybody, ever...well, Santa's kind of a pointless douche, now isn't he? That would by default mean either everyone in the world was naughty and Santa figured "fuck it, no coal, that's too much work for negative reinforcement" or Santa just decided to be lazy and ignore all the good people.

Which one is it - do all of the parents in the entire world always neglect and turn a blind eye to these magical gifts that continually show up every year in Santa Claus fashion that they then deny fitting the Santa Claus description, or is Santa not doing his job and therefore, these kids shouldn't be so excited about him existing in the first place because he's a dick?

See...this is why I watch Home Alone every year instead.

Not pictured: Tim Allen

10 Types of People I Hate Bumping Into in Public

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:15:00 +0000

The holidays are upon us and that means a lot of us will be spending much more time out in stores. While thinking about this, I was thinking about all the types of people that are going to be increasingly difficult to avoid within the next few months...

1. The Talkative Co-Shopper

You're going through the aisles at a store, looking for the items on your list, and this person is next to you. Etiquette should be as simple as not smacking your carts into each other, but this person feels they need to go the extra mile. Apparently, we're buddies simply because we both want cereal. You're getting some Corn Pops too?! Hello new best friend! Look at us, we're two peas - we both wear shirts, we both shop at a place that sells shirts, and we're both doing it right now! We certainly have a lot in common! This person just strikes up a conversation right in the middle of it, as if we've been chit-chatting for the whole afternoon. It's never anything interesting, either. It's always some stupid line about how they've been looking for something that they couldn't find until right now (problem solved, why are you telling me?) or how their kid or husband or friend loves [insert product here]. Extra points are awarded to the old people that feel the need to inform you about their medical problems just because you're buying some cough drops. I'm someone that doesn't mind striking up a conversation with a stranger - but only in certain circumstances. If we're both in line to see the same movie, I might strike up a conversation with you asking what your expectations are for it. If you see me buy something that you're inquisitive about (such as "have you ever tried that before, is it good?"), then by all means, ask away. But just because we're both in the chips aisle and standing next to each other doesn't mean I came over to be your friend...I came over because I want some Cheetos.

2. The Oblivious Mom

I get it, your kids are a pain in the ass and if there wasn't a stigma attached to it, you'd probably dump them in a heartbeat. They're still your responsibility and no one else's. These mothers walk aimlessly around while their attention-starved delinquents run, stomp, make noise, and start screwing things up for the rest of us. Still, the mother doesn't budge. It's as if she doesn't even notice her kids are doing this. Sometimes, that's because she actually doesn't - it's become commonplace and it no longer registers in her mind as something but the norm. Sometimes, she just doesn't give a shit and it's easier to let the kids busy themselves and annoy you than for the kids to annoy Mom. It's a bit similar to when a fat person reaches that tipping point where they stop kidding themselves and they just start buying big, stretchy clothing. Sure, you're taking up more space, making it more likely you'll ruin any furniture you sit on (and trust me, you'll be sitting a lot), and you're an eyesore, but meh, you're more comfortable just accepting your burdens. These mothers have hit the point where they feel they're no longer responsible for parenting their kids. Instead, they're just chaperones to hellions that have to stick around them and all they need to do is make sure they don't get killed. Basically, they're like those levels in video games where you have to protect some pathetic AI character from being shot.

3. The Overly Pushy Helper

I appreciate you asking if I need help, even though I know the chances that you legitimately care if I need help or not is really slim. More than likely, your boss has just told you that you need to ask every customer you see if they need help, but that's moot. Either way, once I tell you that I'm fine on my own, you should take the hint and leave. Don't start riddling me with questions about why I need what I'm buying or if I know what I'm purchasing. If I required some assistance, I wouldn't have kindly told you to buzz off, right? If I do need some help later on, I know where to find you - or any of your other coworkers. In the mean time, I'd like you to stop following me around and let me shop in peace. For a commission job, it goes with the territory as you know these guys clearly just want to hang around you and get your sale - which is understandable and has to be done - but nothing is more bothersome than someone who is up your ass the whole time you're trying to make a decision. Sometimes, I'd rather walk around and think in my own head instead of having you spit a bunch of numbers out at me that mean nothing. It irks me to know that you're just looking at me as a big paycheck. I'm more likely to want to give that sale to someone who wasn't trying to pressure me into buying something simply because they had the decency to follow my suggestion of not needing any help instead of trying to convince me that I was too dumb to do it on my own and MUST be in need of some assistance.

4. The Casual Acquaintance

Yes, I know you, and we may talk at a party for a few minutes here or there, but I'm not that interested in catching up while I'm in the middle of doing something. I came here for a purpose and it wasn't to scout for old classmates to reminisce with. Sure, it's nice to see you (probably), but if we're dedicated to figuring out what we're both up to these days, let's get together and have lunch or something instead and show some real intention and motivation. Everything is awkward about this situation. How long do you spend talking without being rude? What do you talk about? Do you have to bother saying that you'll get together sometime knowing full well that it sure as hell won't happen? Do you acknowledge that if both of you really gave a shit about each other, you would see each other often enough to not have to do this in the first place? Chances are, you're just going to tell me what school you're going to and what job you're working at, and I highly doubt that I care about that small talk. This situation is even worse if you don't exactly remember who the person is, but they clearly remember you. Now, you have to somehow get out of the conversation while dancing around specifics (including their name, hence the "hey man, what's up pal, see you later guy" wording) and do it all in a way that doesn't seem rude. Way too much work in comparison to just ignoring that I saw you.

5. The Advertiser

I don't want your flyer - if you give it to me, I'm just going to end up throwing it away. I don't want to take a survey - I have shit to do. Please don't try to guilt trip me into paying donations to something that I have never heard of before - particularly if your organization skims money off the top (and believe me, if I had the money, I'd be donating to charities, my issue isn't with the idea of charity itself). No, I don't want your fucking overpriced candy and cookies - I'm in the process of going to the store to buy some much cheaper versions of your same product which taste exactly the same, if not better, and come more to a pack. I'm not interested in watching a presentation about your new product that I'm not here to buy. Mall kiosks are horrible for this sort of thing, especially if they're trying to shill some sort of hand lotion or perfume or something. I'm a guy - you're not going to convince me to buy some fingernail exfoliating thing. I bite my nails, I don't put nail polish on them, and no matter how desperate you seem to be to convince me that it'll do wonders that you're literally pleading with me to listen, I still won't care. Go target the people that might actually listen, not the 20-something straight guy.

6. Pretty Much Anybody in Line

If you're in front of me and taking too long, that's annoying. If you're behind me and bitching about how the people in front of us are taking too long, that's annoying. Hell, if you're ringing me up and you're going through the mandatory crap you're required to say (like asking me to sign up for a credit card I don't need), that's annoying. I don't even want to be in this line to give you my money in the first place, but I need to own this stuff and you won't let me leave without paying.

7. The Dawdler

This is more so people I'm with as opposed to people I bump into. If I'm going to a store, I'm going with intent to buy something in particular - not just to shop around for the experience of shopping. I don't find it fun to try on clothes that I'm not going to buy or look at electronics that I don't have the money for. Some people find this activity enthralling and want to just spend as much time out window shopping and looking at useless crap they have no plan on purchasing for as long as possible. I, on the other hand, would much rather someone else deliver it to me for free and not have to waste my time once I know what I want. Figure out what you need, go to the store that sells it, go to that department, grab the item, go to the line, pay for it, leave. The end. I don't want to look in aisles that don't apply to me. If you don't have a pet, why are you looking in pet supplies? Interesting deal, they've got cat food 10% off...who gives a shit if you don't have a cat? An extension of this is when I'm stuck behind someone walking in an aisle that is moving as slowly as they possibly could be without coming to a full stop. You might not be in a hurry, but do you really need to block everyone else who might be?

8. The Parking Lot Patrons

Nearly everyone in a parking lot is a complete idiot and I'm pretty sure that I myself have fallen into this category multiple times as well. There's the guy that doesn't know if he's coming or going, so he'll just sit there with his lights on for 2 minutes while you camp out for his spot doing nothing. There's the woman who camps out for those spots for 5 minutes and will refuse to just move on in search for a new spot, even if there are multiple ones open that aren't too much further away. There's the oblivious people that walk right in front of your car and then look at you as if you came out of nowhere and they were just lucky enough to dodge your attempted vehicular manslaughter. What about the people that leave a shopping cart inside of a parking spot, so you have to get out to move it before you can pull in? Or that jerk that parks just far enough over the line that you can't park in that perfect spot?

9. The Person I Keep Passing By

By the third time I walk by the same person, I start to feel awkward. Are these people following me? Do they think I'm following them? Why are we coincidentally both looking for Ritz crackers, earphones, and belts? While I never feel awkward enough to become one of those people that feels the need to talk to them just because of this (see #1), it does get weird and it seems like something needs to be done. Extra points if you then do that thing where you're facing each other, walking down the aisle, and you both try to step around the other person but go the same way and nearly smack into each other. From then on in, you've both become near-collision buddies to the other person and you certainly are wary of how they keep popping up near you.

10. The Beggar

Thankfully, I live in an area that doesn't have homeless people hanging out in front of stores or walking around the mall. For those areas that do, I'm sure you know much more than I would about how annoying this could get. There's the issue of wanting to help but not being able to, and feeling like no matter how you could put it, you'd just look like an insensitive jerk in the process by turning them down, or there's just the cutoff where you don't give a shit and don't want to help but they still would be approaching you anyway. Instead of the homeless issue, the other ones are the situations I come across more often. For instance, my friend and I used to be complete mallrats when we were teenagers and we were asked more than you'd think to just give people money. This was in an era where cell phones weren't anywhere near as common as they are now (back in the old early 2000s, my my how time flies) so people would ask for change for the pay phones usually. Some people just thought they were entitled to get money from you. These people usually looked like they were the type that weren't smart enough to count their money properly in the first place. The Beggar also includes the person that asks you to bum a cigarette or if you have a light. This has been particularly confusing for me as I don't smoke, never have, never will, and yet I've still been told by people that I'm lying and that I have cigarettes that I'm just not willing to give to them for free (again, as if they're entitled to it). The only type of 'beggar' scenario I can think of that I find perfectly acceptable is if you're asking me if I have the time. Granted, in 2011, you pretty much should have a phone or a watch, or be able to find one of the thousand of other clocks all over the place as nearly everything is also a clock and an mp3 player now, but I still wouldn't mind someone asking me that.

So who am I forgetting about? Leave your comments below.

5 Reasons Why I Don't Like Thanksgiving

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 14:30:00 +0000

Thanksgiving is one of my least favorites of the major holidays. Why is that, exactly?

1. The Meal
I know, you might be thinking I'm crazy, as it's so popular. However, I'm not a fan of it. I'd rather have chicken than turkey, I'd rather have a baked potato than mashed potatoes, I don't like sweet potatoes/yams, nor do I like cranberry sauce. Most people are such avid fans of it that they look forward even to the leftovers. I, on the other hand, would much rather order a pizza. I like to see other people enjoying the meal - and if you like the food, you LOVE Thanksgiving - but when the holiday pretty much revolves around this as the focal point, if you're not a fan of it, the holiday just tanks.

2. Pilgrims & Indians
I could not care less about this portion of history. Sure, it's important. I'm not arguing against that. I just find it incredibly uninteresting and I always have, even as a kid. Both pilgrims and Indians look like fools. Plus, it isn't as if the story ever changes. It's just the same thing: bunch of people got together, ate some shit out of a horn, then systematically turned on each other and basically made the Native Americans an endangered race and the pilgrims eventually went on to do nonsense like the Salem Witch Trials. Nice job, idiots. Maybe you'd be able to think more clearly if you didn't have goddamn belt buckles on your heads.

3. Transitional Holiday
Thanksgiving is basically overshadowed. People are just getting off from Halloween and so much of the decoration has the same kind of feel to it, plus the weather hasn't quite changed yet, so it's almost as if it's just an extension. Thanksgiving becomes the "other half" of Halloween that you don't see. Since Halloween has no built-in dinner with family and Thanksgiving has no fun activities, they're about 50/50 (except Halloween has the ceremonial eating of candy). But even more so, Thanksgiving is overshadowed by Christmas. Very soon after Halloween, stores are removing their costumes and decorations and replacing them with Christmas gear. They're also playing Christmas music on the radio. Within hours after Thanksgiving has ended, people are doing Christmas shopping with Black Friday. Basically, Thanksgiving doesn't have enough to stand on its own. It's just a stepping stone between two better holidays.

4. The Message
I previously wrote in an older entry about how hypocritical the holiday message is. Give thanks for what you have, then after you say grace, stuff your face like a glutton.

5. The Hand-Turkey Drawings

Pitiful. Now go eat your mascot.

Yelling at the TV Screen: A Memorandom

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:30:00 +0000

Here's a hint: when you yell at the television screen, the people inside of it can't hear you.

They're not interacting live with everyone's living room.

Sports teams will not hear your advice.

"Watch out!" will fall on deaf ears while watching a horror film.

Do you yell at books when you're reading them too?

You're stupid.

Why Should I Be Tipping 15-20%? Percent Over Service?

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony Mango) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 22:56:00 +0000

I have never understood the reasoning behind tipping a percentage based on the bill. It makes no sense in my mind.

Before we get started, let me clarify one thing that people are automatically thinking. No, I'm not against tipping in general. We all know that if a server is being paid less than minimum wage because of some predetermined estimation of their tips, then they need tips to survive on. I'm perfectly fine with that...even though I think it makes more sense to just make it a minimum wage job standardized and not have to bother with the tips.

What confuses me, though, is this concept that I should automatically tip you a percentage of the bill that I have, as opposed to tipping for your service. Your job is to take my order, check if I need anything, and give me my food, correct? Thus, I'm paying you for that service, not for the quality of the food, the cooking of the food, or anything in relation to that. If you do shit service, why should you be compensated as if you did an average job just because I have a bigger bill? Equally, if you do really good service, why should you be penalized just because I have a smaller bill?

Say I order a steak for $20 and a waiter brings out one plate. Another person, sitting at another table, orders a complicated but cheap breakfast for $10 that has 5 plates to it. Why should my waiter be paid more money than the other one for doing less work, just because my meal was more expensive? Would you pay a mechanic more money for labor if he spent 30 minutes installing a $2000 car part than if he spent 3 hours working on the car to fix something that only costs you $50? No!

I've never once gone out to eat at a restaurant and skipped out on tipping the waiter/waitress...even the ones that were complete assholes and didn't deserve anything. The lowest I've personally given was a dollar, and frankly, she didn't deserve that, considering she received a dollar from each person in my large group and treated us like a bitch the entire time. How does someone get offended when you order orange juice at 8 in the morning on a week day by saying "I'll have a large orange juice"? This same waitress flipped out at a friend of mine for asking if she needed any help with the distribution of the plates (of which there were many). The last thing she deserved was to get rewarded for my big breakfast.

So really, I'd like to hear a good argument for why I should pay more to a bad server just because I ordered a more expensive meal, and why I should pay less to a good server just because I ordered a glass of free water.

Violins are for the birds