• How To Get Started Online Dating
• What To Say In The First Email
• How To Have a Great First Date

So you’ve had a great first date, what do you do now?  The most important thing to remember during this stage of online dating is that a date does not equal a relationship.  Some people get so disappointed when they never hear from their date again, even if the date was incredible.  If you find yourself developing feelings for the person you were just on a date with, remind yourself that you’ve only spent a few hours together in person and there are still many other fish in the sea! It’s ok to be excited and hopeful-you’ve just been on a great date, you should be-but as always when it comes to online dating, it’s crucial that you manage your expectations from the beginning.

When you parted ways, was there any indication that you’d be seeing each other again soon?  The waiting game can be stressful, should you call?  Should you wait or play hard to get?  In my experience, the best thing to do when following up with a date you’d like to see again is to be patient and be honest.  Sending a VERY short email saying “Had a great time, let’s check out that new restaurant we talked about soon” is a great way to let he or she know that you are interested.  But be careful.  You don’t want to scare them away by expressing too much, too soon.

And then, you wait.  This is definitely the hardest part about not just online dating, but dating in general.  While you’re waiting to hear back from them or to be asked on a second date, keep your options open.  You aren’t bound to them, and are free to go out with other people.  There is no reason you should be sitting by the phone waiting for someone you barely know to call you.  Get out there and keep meeting people.  Online dating is a numbers game-the more you meet, the better your chances of finding lasting love!

Unfortunately dating just doesn’t work that way especially at our age. In our youth, we were exposed daily to single men everywhere like school, camp or religious activities. We were brought together under the mutual theme of mandatory activities we needed for growing up.

Well now we are grown up and we don’t have mandates like school put on us anymore so we have to find our own way and it’s a lot harder. Dating takes some work if you want to be successful at finding a man to bring into your life. The good thing is men are out there looking for someone just like you. You just have to find a way to discover each other and these 3 Keys can help you do that.

Key #1-Be courageous and put yourself out in the world on a daily basis

If you stay home all the time, you just aren’t going to meet new men. You need to take classes or participate in activities that interest you where you can find men to share these interests with.

A great place is golf. Men head to driving ranges year round to practice their swing. Wine tastings are another place that provide an easy place for singles to meet and mingle. Make a list of any activity that interests you and start checking them out including Meet-Up.com. You’ll find people there who love Scrabble, restaurant hopping, day trips and more.

Men are everywhere! You just have to be willing to put yourself out there so you can see them and they can see you.

Key #2-Continue dating even when its hard and you feel like quitting

The only way to really know what kind of man you want is by dating lots of them. Yes, I know it means meeting lots of men for coffee or tea but it’s the only way to see if “he” might be the one you’d like to have a relationship with. Sometimes it requires kissing a lot of frogs to get to the right one. Or you can view it as one man closer to the one you want in your life.

Don’t quit. Get support from friends and even better from a dating coach like me who can give you tools to deal with dating as a woman over 50. The Dating Rules have changed since we were kids so it helps to have someone clue you in to what they are today.

Key #3-You Need to Have a Dating Strategy in place to be successful

What is your goal for dating? Is it having a man around for occasional companionship or for the rest of your life? Once you have your answer then work backwards to figure out the steps you must take to accomplish this goal. That means figuring out strategies for where you are going to meet men in your area, what online dating sites you are going to get yourself on, how much time you are going to spend on dating daily and so much more.

With these 3 dating Key’s in place, you should start seeing some positive changes happening fairly quickly in your dating life!

Don’t you just love your cell phones ability to text with someone at any time from anywhere? Making plans is so easy via text or email. You can do it quickly and efficiently without spending an hour on the phone gabbing about the same things you’d talk about anyway when you got together.

It seems as though texting has also become the modern way of ending relationships in the 21st century. It’s the new Dear John/ Dear Jane way of ending things. But instead of a letter, it’s done with a text. I know cause it happened to me. I met a man named Matt on Plenty of Fish. He and I really hit it off when we met. And let me tell you, he was serious eye candy.

He was the first guy I ever dated where my knees nearly buckled when I saw him. Our relationship was easy and fun. We could talk for hours and somehow he was one of those guys that knew when something was wrong just from hearing my voice. A rarity!

Our problem was I travelled a lot during our short time together. We kept in touch over the phone and in our last conversation, he told me how much he missed me and how he couldn’t wait until the next time we’d be together. So imagine my surprise when I arrived home and received this text:

“Hi Lisa- I’ve enjoyed our time together but I feel we got too close too fast. I really like you but I need some space. I’ll call you in a few weeks. Matt”

I was stunned and I was pissed. I had no clue why he was blowing me off when only days earlier, he had professed such care and concern for my well being. But blow me off he did and in the most impersonal way possible. I texted him back hoping he would tell me why he was ending our relationship.

“Matt- I wish we could have spoken before you made this decision for us. It makes me feel so sad. Lisa”

Of course, he didn’t answer and that is why texting has become the new vehicle for relationship breakups. It’s easy. There’s no drama for the person creating the split. No having to answer why? No seeing or hearing how the breakup may have hurt someone’s feelings. Just a quick good bye and the relationship is done.

So, why do I tell you this story? Because it could happen to you one day and I want you to be prepared if it does. You may feel bad and you may wander why he broke up with you. You may even stalk him a bit on Facebook to see if you can get answers.

And the day may come where you try and do the same thing to a man you are dating. You will figure that if it was ok for someone to do it to you, then its ok for you to do it to someone else. And the cycle will continue because that man will then think if you did it to him, he can do it to the next woman he’s dating.

I admit, I tried doing it to a man I was going out with. We were so different. Our religions were different, the places we lived were 25 miles apart and I was overwhelmed by this so I texted him a Dear John text. Fortunately for me, he didn’t buy our differences so he fought for me. I liked that so I took another look at him. I’m glad I did because we are still together today and he’s a wonderful man.

What do you think about Dear Jane texts? Has a man done this to you in the past? I hope you can share below what it felt like to have someone break up with you in such an impersonal way and how you were able to handle it.

Choose a location you’re comfortable in.  First dates don’t need to be extravagant, elaborate affairs!  Something as simple as meeting for a cup of tea can be enough to show you if you’d like to spend more time together or not.  Remember that no matter how long you’ve talked to someone online and how much you think you know about them, they are still a perfect stranger until you’ve met face to face.  Committing to a long night of a romantic dinner and movie with someone you don’t know can be risky because there is always the chance that you won’t be interested or worse.

Manage your expectations.  It’s natural, heck it’s great, to be excited about a first date!  But refrain from getting too caught up in the imaginary romance of it all-no matter how many sweet emails someone has written you, real feelings can’t develop until you’re in person.  When you go into a first date thinking that you’ve finally met the person of your dreams, you set yourself up for greater disappointment when it doesn’t work out.  By keeping your expectations low, you’re giving yourself the chance to be pleasantly surprised.

Enjoy yourself.  Often times on a first date, we’re so preoccupied with if the other person likes us or not, thinks we’re funny or attractive, and wants to see us again that we miss out on having fun in the moment.  Don’t worry about the things you can’t control-just be yourself and enjoy getting to know someone new.  Even if there is no love connection, use this date as practice for your next one!

Congratulations, if you’ve made it this far that means that you’ve signed up for online dating and are ready to begin finding love! First emails are the equivalent of walking up to someone in real life and offering to buy them a drink, but with less awkwardness and alcohol. Your first email is the first impression other online daters will see, and will determine if the person hits “delete” or eagerly writes you back right away.

Reaching out to someone for the first time online takes a lot of guts, so we’re proud of you. Here are a few things to remember when constructing the perfect first email.

-Have you completely read their profile over a few times? Generic messages like “Hi, how are you?” while polite, are boring. The best way to stand out from the rest of the bunch is to include information that they wrote about in their profile, things you might have in common, or found particularly interesting. If he or she mentions a love for gardening, and you enjoy it as well, mention how you spent a great weekend in your garden last week. Be specific and personal-it shows that you really want to get to know them as a person.

-Keep it short and sweet. Most of us don’t want to read an essay or a novel from a stranger, so don’t drag it out.

-Ask open ended questions, so they will be more likely to respond.

-Don’t talk about yourself too much. A brief intro, and what you liked about their profile will do, but keep the focus on them-people just love talking about themselves.

-Keep it light and fun. A first email isn’t the time to share all of your secrets or go too deep into your past. There will always be time for the serious stuff later-you don’t want to scare them away before they’ve had a chance to get to know you!

Sometimes, no matter how perfect your first email is, you still won’t get a response, but don’t let it get you down! The beauty of online dating is that there will always be someone new, just a few clicks away.

2. The Grocery Store. Men have to eat and unless their mom cooks for them, they have to buy food. Maybe you’ll find one here that will cook for you!

3. Wine shops that have classes and tastings.

4. Dog Parks-borrow a dog if you have to. Dog people are really friendly!

5. As you travel on public transportation in your city, try getting your nose out of a book and start looking around on occasion for potential suitors.

6. A Man is seated next to you in a restaurant-ask him what he’s eating that looks so good.

7. Coffee shop-strike up a conversation about how long the line is or how much you can’t wait to taste your latte.

8. Singles cruises-be sure to check out the average age on each trip. Also check out cruise lines that are geared more to people over 50 like Princess and Holland America.

9. Meet-up.com has all kinds of activities going on in most major metropolitan cities whether its playing games like Scrabble or events for singles over 50. Great place to meet new men you might not have been able to meet any other way.

10. Your Hair Salon-laugh at this but men come in for haircuts and even manicures! I’ve also sat right next to a man getting a pedicure minus the colorful polish.

11. Fix it stores like Home Depot or Lowe’s especially on the weekend-Men have to go somewhere to buy the materials they need for fixing things in their lives. Ask them what the best tool is for a specific project.

12. Resorts-yes men need vacations too and do travel alone. I know a woman who traveled alone and met a great guy also traveling solo at a great resort.

13. Upscale Casino’s are popping up everywhere and men do love gambling. Hang out near the roulette table and be his lucky charm. If the casino is attached to a hotel, sit at the bar with a friend and start talking with men who come in for a drink or dinner. At the very least, start asking men sitting near you for tips on gambling. It’s in his DNA to help a damsel in distress.

14. The horse races or dog races are another gambling hangout for men. Apply the advice for casinos here as well. Instead of a gambling tip, request one about a horse.

15. Major or minor league sporting events-I hate sports so this wouldn’t interest me but talk about a lot of men! Whew, you can just feel the testosterone in those stadiums.

16. Places that have live music on the weekends. Music feeds a man’s soul so he will often go have a drink at the bar while listening to the group that is playing. Best music bets-jazz, blues and good ole rock and roll.

This has been a post from Lisa Copeland,The #1 Dating Coach For Women Over 50. You may read more from Lisa on her site Findaqualityman.com or on her Facebook page.

No matter what age bracket you fall into, the thought of online dating can sometimes be incredibly intimidating.  So intimidating in fact that we often discard the idea of signing up for a dating site, simply because we don’t know what to expect or are unsure of what to do, or how to use the technology.  You weren’t born with an iphone in our hand like the kids today are, and maybe you wouldn’t call yourself a computer expert, but it doesn’t matter!  Online dating can still work for you-it’s all about the effort.

Here’s how to get started.

Choose an online dating site that fits your needs and interests, and most importantly, your location.  There’s nothing worse than meeting a great man online, only to find out that he lives on the other side of the world.  The whole point of online dating is to meet someone who you will date offline, so don’t make things more difficult on yourself!  Think local!

Next, set up your profile.  Choose photos that reflect who you truly are-not ones that hide what you look like or make you look different.  There is a fine line between putting your best face forward and representing yourself falsely.  Pick images that show you having fun, smiling and engaging in activities that you love doing. There is nothing more attractive than happiness!

When writing your profile, be honest and genuine! The more you share, the more likely you’ll be to strike a cord in someone else so they will reach out to you.  Keep things positive and light, there will be time for deeper discussions later! What kind of food you like, music you’re into, hobbies you’re passionate about are all things that you can share on your profile.  When it comes to answering the dreaded “What are you looking for?” question, don’t be scared, be honest.  Are you hoping to remarry and are looking for something serious?  Or maybe you’re brand new to the dating game and want to take things slow?

Either way, there are no wrong answers.  The only person you need to worry about making happy is you-that’s the beauty of online dating.

Stay tuned for our second installment of the Online Dating 101 Series-”What To Say In The First Email.”

Top Dating Mistake # 1 Being too Clingy and Needy

Everyone wants a boyfriend. Let’s face it-it’s a COUPLES WORLD out there. We get tired of always being a third wheel. We get sad sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else be in love but us. We want to be like those couples who seem so happy when we are so miserable on our own.

We start pining for a man in our lives and with that comes this sense of desperation that if we aren’t with a man, we just can’t be happy. When we do date, we interview men as if it were our job to find a boyfriend.

When we find a suitable catch, we start texting, calling and emailing constantly. We might even send sweet cards or worse do his laundry or run his errand so he’ll think we are just ‘the best catch and a woman he can’t live without!’

If you are doing this-STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Men smell desperation and it scares them. They don’t want to be your ‘everything’. They ‘re afraid they can never live up to that role.

Instead, get a life of your own so you can find happiness within you first. By being fulfilled on your own, you’ll no longer feel like that desperate woman who is hunting for any man who can fill her up.

Top Dating Mistake # 2- Dating Men who don’t want a Relationship when YOU do

Men are very honest about what they want relationship wise. If they say they want to be part of a couple, they mean it. If they say, I’m only looking for fun, they mean that too.

If a man tells you he want’s to date around, believe him. You may be the best thing that ever happened to him but if he’s convinced he wants to play the field, YOU AREN’T GOING TO CHANGE HIS MIND! Let him go and Move on!

Top Dating Mistake # 3-Believing in only ONE True Soulmate

The Myth: we often believe there is only one true love out there for us and we have to find him or we’ll be miserable.

The Truth: The reality is there are lots of men out there for you to love who want to love you back. Dating is about trying different men out until you find the one that fits you best in your life today.

It’s not like the story of Cinderella where the shoe can only fit one person forever and ever. If you think there is only one man for you, you could end up missing all the other great Men who have so much to offer you.

This has been a post from Lisa Copeland,The #1 Dating Coach For Women Over 50. You may read more from Lisa on her site Findaqualityman.com or on her Facebook page.

Guest blogger and Dating Coach For Women, Suzy Weiss, shares her wit and wisdom in the world of dating. You may read more from Suzy on her blog http://www.DatingSecretsForDivorcedWomen.com or connect her community of women on Facebook.

A New Chapter In Your Life
One of the biggest questions in the “senior dating for women” chapter of life is where are eligible men? Most women of that age are not computer savvy. They shy away from internet sites, but actually that is where the best selection of compatible men is.

We All Have Some Jitters
Men have the same fears and questions as women do. So where do you start? Find a website that reviews all the dating sites. Pay attention to the ones that are for especially geared for senior dating for women and men. They all have a monthly fee, but some have trial periods and special offers. Just start with one to get your feet wet so to speak.

Preparing To Look For Love Online
Before you fill out a profile, you should take a moment to gather information. You will want to have a nice paragraph or two that gives a potential date a “look” into YOU. Also, you will fill out a paragraph or two about what you are looking for in HIM. Senior women dating over the age of 50 usually know what they don’t like! Reverse that logic and think about what you would like: A man who is sensitive? One who likes to attend movies, or one who likes to go to dinner every week-end or if you are into dancing…let him know!

The All Important Photo
Another tip in the life course “senior dating for women 101:” you must have a recent photo of yourself. Insist in your profile for a recent picture of him also. Sure, we all looked great 30 years ago, but the past is past. Everyone ages. Hopefully we are smart enough women to look past a wrinkled face and grey hair. We should still see a twinkle in an eye or notice a look of genuine pleasure when we talk to men.

Safety First
For the safest way to meet, the first meeting should be somewhere public. Preferably, halfway between where you both live and only for about 30 minutes tops! A coffee shop in a book store is ideal. A Starbucks or small restaurant is good too. Offer to pay for your half, and show you are sincere. He may insist on paying the tab as most of the older gentlemen do. However, today’s ladies, senior or otherwise, have to be more independent than years ago.

The True Test
Once you meet, share some conversation and coffee or cup of tea. After some pleasant conversation, pay the bill and say good-bye. The real test for you begins. How did I feel about him? Was there any good chemistry? Did something about him really bug me? Do I want to see him again? Only YOU can answer those questions, and hopefully he is doing the same thing.

Dealing With The ‘R’ Word
One of the hardest things for senior women to learn in the dating life is rejection; how to give it nicely and how to take it graciously. If you do not want to pursue anything more, write him a short email back and thank him for the lovely time. Say something like you “don’t think we are a match” and wish him good luck on his search. If you want to see him again, then by all means tell him. Say something like “I enjoyed our meeting so much, and can’t wait to continue our conversation!” This throws the ball into his court.

Keep A Positive Attitude
If all goes well, you will meet a wonderful compatible male who thinks you are wonderful. If a love connection doesn’t happen, perhaps you have just found a new friend or someone to have dinner with occasionally. Everyone has needs of some type, and don’t be afraid to do a little searching for it. Senior dating for women can be pretty exciting!

The Motorcycle Dude
Lots of men ride motorcycles even doctors, lawyers, and well-paid businessmen. You’ll be able to tell from his pictures if he’s the kind of man you’d be interested in. Don’t knock him out yet for having this midlife hobby. All you have to do is let him enjoy being an “Easy Rider.” You never have to ride it yourself unless you want to.

Beware of the Ring on His Finger
Most men who don’t post pictures are usually married. They go online anonymously so no one they know will spot them. Often times, in his profile he’ll admit he’s married and he’ll freely talk about why he’s cruising Dating Sites in spite of it. I’d stay away.

Flying the Friendly Skies to Date
The biggest drawback to long distance relationships is the illusion and fantasy you build in your mind based on a LOT of phone time you share that might not end up matching reality when you actually meet. Hard to do but can be done and great if you like weekend only relationships.

What He Really Need’s Is A Shrink Not a Date
He’s looking for a dating therapist and will gladly use you for the purpose of working out his issues. Steer clear. Unless you’re being paid money by the hour to listen to his woes, you’ll be so much better off finding a man who’s emotionally healthier.

The Take Out Order Man
Some of the funniest profiles are men who think Online Dating is like a take out ordering service. They are looking for a specific kind of woman with a specific kind of job, body, hair color and more. I think I’ll stick with men who think I’m great exactly how I am!

Younger Men Online Looking for Cougars
Thanks to Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, younger men are really into older women. It’s great for the ego. Go for it!

The Older Man
Older men are ‘Old School Gentlemen’ who treat you like a lady. Because they grew up with boomers, they often consider themselves part of that culture so you will have a lot more in common then you might with the younger men in their 30’s looking for cougars. Worth trying!

The Bad Boy
He’s gorgeous, charming and a major player who will break your heart. He’s always looking for where the grass might be greener. Fun to play with but not good for long term relationships.

The “Quality Man”
Lots of “Quality Men” are online and they want nothing more then to be given the opportunity to love you. All you have to do is figure out what a “Quality Man” means to you and decide whether you’d like to date him for a mate or a date. Have fun!