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Why Did You ...?

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Shelly pulled up in her wet driveway after a beach getaway with girlfriends. She smiled, thinking, it's a shame the rain chased us away early, but at least I know the house is still standing.

She opened the door and tripped over a pile of schoolbooks. What on earth? Speechless, she stared at clutter everywhere. Cans of food and spaghetti sauce were stacked high on the island in the kitchen. Empty packets of Ramen noodles decorated the counter. The tool drawer had been emptied onto the kitchen table.

An angry cry escaped her lips and a muffled exclamation came from the laundry room. Her husband stuck his head out the door, looking chagrined. "You're home early!"

"Yes I'm home early!" Shelly waved around at the chaos. "I can't believe this! Why did you let it get this bad? And why were you feeding the kids instant noodles instead of something healthier?"

Without a word, Marcus pushed the door to the laundry room wide open and stepped aside so she could enter.

Furious, she stalked past him-and rocked to a stop. The back corner of the laundry room had been turned into a pantry. Fresh-cut wood shelves stacked up to the ceiling. Deep drawers were waiting to be slotted into a rolling rack. Dust sheets covered the washer and dryer, which were piled with food cans and packets, ready to be placed on the shelves of the pantry.

The pantry she had longed for.

Shelly closed her eyes. Mortified, all she could say was "I'm so sorry."

Shelly told me this story a week after it happened. I was speaking at her church's women's conference, sharing my research on the inner thoughts, needs and fears of men. I shared that men want above all to please those who matter most to them-especially a wife or girlfriend-but privately doubt themselves and are deeply sensitive as to whether they are doing a good job. So when women start a sentence with "Why did you. . .?," men hear, "Why did you do that, you dodo?"

Shelly's story is a perfect example of how easy it is to think, "You dodo." Not think, "There must be a good reason for this-even if I don't see it at this moment." Instead, like many of us, she was quick to assume there wasn't a good reason, that he didn't do a good job. And she verbalized those damaging thoughts.

Ephesians 4:29 tells us to be careful to only say things that are useful for building others up. While this applies to everyone in our lives, if we are married, it's especially vital to practice with our husbands.

Most situations with the men in our lives aren't as extreme as Shelly's experience. But versions of this scenario happen often. "Why did you give the kids juice instead of milk?" "Why did you take that road instead of this one?" "Why did you choose that strategy for the business deal?" We may protest that it is a harmless question, but all too often, it is code for "What were you thinking!?" Which itself is code for "You obviously weren't thinking."

The reality is, the reverse is usually true. Eighty-two percent of men surveyed say they always think things through ... and purposefully consider the reaction of their wife or girlfriend before making a decision.

The next time you are confounded by your husband, instead of a rash reaction, slow down and remind yourself: his heart is probably in the right place and his choices are likely made with that in mind. And if you need help ... just remember the pantry.

Dear Jesus, forgive me for being quick to judge and assume the worst about the man in my life. Please teach me to slow down and listen to him, and [if married] to trust in his love. In Your Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
As a special offer, Waterbrook Multnomah is offering a 30% discount off Shaunti's products plus free shipping beginning noon EST on May 20th and running through May 27th.

Visit Shaunti's website and blog for more relationship building resources.

Proverbs 31 Ministries' Facebook page offers encouragement and truth each day. Join our community by clicking here.

Reflect and Respond:
If you are married, take time to think through, pray and reflect on the fundamental assumptions and expectations you have in regards to your husband. Choose to honor and respect your husband in your thoughts and words.

Whenever you think, "Why did you ...?" say instead, "Honey, I'm confused, could you help me understand what your reason was?" You might be surprised at how often he was thinking things through-including honoring you.

Power Verses:
Ephesians 5:33, "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." (NASB)

Answer Envy

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)

Do you ever envy God's answers to someone else's prayers?

I recall the twinges of pain that shot through my heart each time I would open my mailbox discovering yet another baby shower invitation. As a young bride longing to become a mother, the joy of my positive pregnancy test was shattered a few months later when I suffered a miscarriage. And, although I was genuinely thrilled for my friends who were pregnant, I was also heartbroken that it wasn't my name on those pale pink or baby blue invites.

I call this answer envy. It is that "poor me" mentality that creeps into my heart when God answers someone else's prayers more quickly than mine. Or when His answer seems to be a "no," or at least a "not right now."

I've had my fair share of answer envy outbreaks over the years, at all stages of life.

As a child, I was envious of the kids who came from two-parent homes while I resided in a family torn apart by divorce. No matter how hard I folded my little hands and prayed to God, my daddy didn't come back to us.

In high school, it was other girls' good looks, cute clothes or even cuter boyfriends that I longed for. Instead, I was granted average looks and wore hand-me-down fashions. And, as sports editor of our school paper, although I was every guy's pal, I was usually nobody's gal.

In college, I envied those whose prayers for a knight in shining armor (complete with a diamond ring) were answered while I remained single.

My heart was filled with questions. God, why did my daddy leave? Where's my knight? Why don't I have a baby to hold? When will it be my turn?

Over the years I've discovered the cure for answer envy isn't always easy. Rather than stay stuck in disappointment, I must play an active role in my healing.

What I need is a shift in perspective. When I call out to God with my questions as encouraged in Jeremiah 33:3, I must trust He will keep His word. He will tell me "great and unsearchable things" that I do not know. Sometimes those things He provides are the answers to my request. However, do you know what those great and unsearchable things more often are? They are the reasons He seems not to be answering my original request!

While God is generous to answer my requests, I also need to ask myself some questions. Questions like, "What is my Creator trying to teach me that I might never learn if He were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation?" Or, "What character qualities is He trying to grow in me? Patience, trust, compassion, contentment?"

Not available in quick microwave form, the cure for answer envy has to be cultivated moment by moment.

We must believe that God will answer. He will clearly say "yes," "no," or "not right now." He is able, ready and willing to answer our prayers—here is the catch—as He sees fit and to grow us to be more like His Son in the process.

Sometimes we'll have a long stay in God's waiting room. Having been there myself, I now know this to be true: I must not merely seek the answer to my prayer. Instead, I must seek a deeper relationship with the answer Giver.

Dear Lord, thank You for Your perfect plans ... Your perfect timing ... and the perfect way Your development happens in my times of waiting. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
If you too struggle with answer envy, visit Karen Ehman's blog today where she is hosting a discussion on this topic and also giving away some helpful resources for those struggling with infertility, envy and lack of patience while waiting on God for answers.

If you have trouble trusting God's timing and try to "fix things" yourself instead, check out Karen's latest book and DVD small group study LET. IT. GO. How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity! We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you!

Reflect and Respond:
Think back on a prayer request or two from your past where God seemed not to be answering. What else did you learn about Him as you waited for His reply?

List out personal prayer requests you currently have. As you continue walking through life in the next few months, next to your requests, chronicle all of the peripheral blessings that come from the waiting.

Power Verses:
Psalm 38:15, " But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer." (ESV)

Romans 8:25, "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." (NIV)

Space to Exhale

"If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord." Isaiah 58:13-14a (NIV)

Rest.

That sounds so good, but it's really difficult for a girl like me. Even when my physical body is at rest, my mind rarely is.

I feel like I'm always juggling balls in my brain. Kids' needs. Home demands. Work projects. The to-do lists never stop.

Yet the Bible makes it very clear that we are to honor the Sabbath day and pursue rest. Literally we are to hit the pause button on life once a week and guard our need to rest. Guard it fiercely. Guard it intentionally. Guard it even if our schedules beg us to do otherwise.

But why?

There are honest, personal reasons we need to observe the Sabbath that will be unique for each person. There are private conversations we need to have with God. We all need pause, to sit with God, and ask Him to reveal some things to us.

And when I consider our key verse Isaiah 58:13-14a, something occurs to me—it's not just a day for me to give to God. It's a day God established for me. He wants to give me something if only I'll slow down enough to receive it.

"If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the LORD."

The Sabbath isn't merely a time to be observed; it's a time to be preserved. It's a time to rediscover our joy in the Lord.

I need this. I want to be a preserver of this day—one who is determined to protect this day of personal preservation and rediscover the delight of God.

The observer remembers to rest.

The preserver rests to remember—to remember that it's all about God.

The observer remembers to rest and pause on the Sabbath day in order to follow a rule.

The preserver does more than follow a rule. She follows God's desire and embraces His purpose in the rest. She spends one day a week letting the fresh wind of God's rest blow through her, cleaning out all she's been taking in during the week with a purifying soul exhale.

It's all about pausing and connecting with God without the distracting chaos of our everyday routines. For one day a week, we step out of the fray and let God direct our day according to His rhythm, not ours.

God's rhythm preserves a space in us to hear His voice, reveals the places we're off track, and prevents us from being filled with unnecessary clutter. Quiet rest allows us to see the places where we're going our own way, the areas where we're more self-pleasing than God-pleasing, the idle words that need to be reined in. During the down time, we can deal with the mental clutter and focus on the ways of God.

The Sabbath makes this possible.

Taking one day for rest gives my soul the freedom it so desperately needs. Freedom to breathe. Space to breathe. Inhaling and exhaling in a gentle rhythm set by God.

Dear Lord, space to breathe, this is what I need today. Thank You for showing me how important it is to create a place for freedom and rest. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Related Resources:
For more encouragement and practical advice on creating a place to exhale in the midst of raw emotions check out Lysa TerKeurst's book Unglued.

The accompanying Unglued Bible study will help you understand what the Bible says about better ways to react. To order your copy, click here.

When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you!

Reflect and Respond:
Take a moment to think about your own practices for rest and reflection on the Sabbath.

What can you do to hit "pause" and spend some time with the Lord once a week? It could be taking a break from your to-do list, committing to spend some time journaling, etc.

Power Verses:
Hebrews 4:9-10, "There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his." (NIV)

Psalm 62:1, "Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him." (NIV)

Praying With Confidence

"This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us." 1 John 5:14 (NAS)

I used to be hesitant to pray and found myself stumbling over my words when talking to God. I especially didn't know how to pray when struggling with uncertainty and doubts.

Desperately wanting to say the right things, I believed if I prayed the right way God would listen and answer my prayers the way I wanted Him to.

It took me a while, but I eventually got up the courage to talk with a friend about my fears and struggles. She shared how she had struggled with the same things. She also explained how, over time, she had discovered that prayer isn't about saying or asking the right things; it's about building a relationship with God by talking to Him.

She also showed me how to take verses from the Bible and turn them into powerful prayers. Using God's Word as a guide gave me a new sense of confidence and direction when I didn't know what to say.

One day I was reading 1 John 5:14, and noticed it says we can pray with certainty when we ask God for what is already part of His will: "This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."

Praying Scriptures increased my confidence over time, knowing that I was praying God's will when I prayed God's Word.

Wanting my prayers to be filled with power and my heart to be infused with faith, I now look for Scriptures about God's will and God's ways. One is Hebrews 4:12 where God teaches us His Word is "alive and active." Praying that truth, I ask God to make His Word come alive in a situation and become active in the person's life I am praying for, including my own.

Oftentimes when I pray now, I'll remember verses in the Bible that apply. For instance, when it feels like my plans are spinning out of control, Jeremiah 29:11 will come to mind. On those days, I'll pray:

Lord, You know the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a future and a hope. You say that if I come to You and pray, You will listen and will lead me. So, today I surrender my plans for Your plans. Please guide my decisions and thoughts to match Yours so I can experience hope and not harm. Even though things aren't going so great today, I trust the plans You have for me."

God isn't looking for the perfect combination of words, and there's no formula to get it right. Now that the pressure to say the right things is gone, praying has become one of my favorite things to do—whether alone or with a friend.

Sometimes I just sit still and let God whisper His promises into my thoughts and then I ask for their fulfillment in my prayers.

Lord, I'm so glad I don't have to say that right thing to get Your attention. Thank You for Your Spirit that lives in me and leads me—in my daily activities and even in my prayers. Please show me verses You want me to pray so I can see Your Word come alive in my circumstances and become active in my life. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
In her life-changing book, A Confident Heart, Renee Swope ends each chapter with a prayer weaving together powerful scriptures to help you overcome doubt and insecurity based on the topic and teaching in that chapter. Buy a copy for yourself or a friend!

Click here to visit Renee's blog for a FREE download of Promises to Pray and enter to win one of five copies she's giving away of her best-selling book, A Confident Heart.

Reflect and Respond:
Use God's Word as a guide to pray when you didn't know what to say.

Pick a verse today to begin praying.

Power Verse:
Matthew 6:9-13, "Pray then like this: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.'" (ESV)

Worth the Effort

"The purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out." Proverbs 20:5 (NIV)

There are two kinds of young women who live in my house. One speaks her mind freely; you don't have to guess where she stands or how she feels. The other is more reserved, holding her emotions and words in check.

Neither one is right or wrong. Both are deep thinkers and deep feelers. Yet my girls couldn't be more different when it comes to how their thoughts and emotions are expressed. With one, I have a sense of her constant pulse as she daily shares her joys and struggles. With the other ... well, as my mother used to say about my father, "Still waters run deep."

The writer of Proverbs 20:5 encourages us to make the effort to "draw out" people. As I have found with my daughter, there is much beauty and young wisdom in the deep well of her heart. And while it takes extra work to tap into that low-lying spring, it is often rewarded.

In a culture where our conversations are often capped at 140 characters on Twitter or summed up in 2-3 sentences on Facebook or text messaging, real conversation may be in jeopardy. The days of front porches and Sunday dinners seem to be all but gone. Yet God's Word tells us a person's heart is deep waters-not something simple and concise that can be summed up short and sweet.

Whether it is with our daughters, neighbors or girlfriends, we need unhurried moments to draw from each another's hearts. We need time to listen to the wisdom and work God is accomplishing in another's life. These types of conversations usually don't develop in a quick greeting of "How are you?" as we're moving from one task to another. But more often, they are in the intentional moments when we purpose to listen.

In the original Hebrew language of the Old Testament, "purposes" in this verse means advice, counsel, and plans. Many times, when we take time to listen, we can discover plans our friend has tucked away in her heart. Sometimes it will mean realizing her hidden hope of visiting prisoners and sharing the Gospel with them. Or you might discover your child is reading the Bible on her own as she shares a verse she found.

Drawing out another or engaging in purposeful conversation also helps us gain insight, wisdom, hope and encouragement when we listen to all God is doing in their heart. We can receive advice and counsel simply by listening to one of His children.

Stop right now and look at your calendar. Pick a time—tonight, tomorrow or this weekend, and invite someone dear to you to spend time with. Whether it is your daughter whose life spins in and out of your home, or that girlfriend you haven't had coffee with in months, be intentional. Send her a text, give her a call, just make sure to make time. And to listen to the deep waters of her heart.

Jesus, help me to slow down, today, and listen. I need to be present in the present and intentional in investing in others by listening. Make me one who draws others out. Amen.

Related Resources:
Need help starting a "deep" conversation? Visit Lynn Cowell's website, click on "Freebies" and download her free conversation starters! Also, sign up for Lynn's free "7-Day Faith Builder" - a week's worth of devotions to share with your daughter.

Help a teen girl in your life learn fill that deep well in her heart with Lynn's book Devotions for a Revolutionary Year - 365 Days of Jesus' Radical Love for You.

Do you have a calling to speak, write, or teach Bible studies? Take a weekend this July to pause and listen at our 13th annual She Speaks Conference. Our key note speaker is Michael Hyatt, who will share the depths of his heart and help equip us for ministry. Find out more information by clicking here.

Reflect and Respond:
When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart with someone you love? How can you be more purposeful and make this a habit?

Think back to a time someone asked you to share what God was doing in your life. How did that make you feel? Excited, joyful, loved?

Power Verse:
Proverbs 18:4, "The words of the mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a rushing stream." (NIV)

Live Where You Live

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Philippians 4:11 (NIV)

The spring air was crisp. Just right for a hike up Sparrow Hawk Mountain. Richard and I stood at the edge of the cliff, watching the winding river meander along the banks below.

When we moved here three years ago, this quickly became one of our favorite places to hike. "It's so beautiful," I said. And then with a sigh, "I wonder if we'll live here after you graduate."

Richard he took me by my hands. "We live here now, Suzie," he said. "Don't you see that?"

No, honestly I didn't. We had moved to this small college community when Richard went back to school to receive his master's degree. We stayed on as he earned the 3,000 hours needed for his license. I saw our move as temporary, and even though it had been three years, I mentally lived in limbo.

I thought about our next move often. Where would God take us? Would it be somewhere new? Perhaps God would lead us back to our old community. I dreamed and planned it out over and over again. Not knowing where we'd end up made me discontented. I didn't feel settled or at peace.

That day, after coming down the mountain, I wrote in big letters in my journal: Live where you live.

It was time to put down roots right where I was, and be content in the present, regardless of where God might take us in the future.

Paul the apostle never knew exactly where he might be next. He landed in extremely difficult situations for a few days, and at other times lingered with new friends. Sometimes the doors opened immediately for his next move, and at other times he waited for years. But Paul was content where he was, wherever that might be, in whatever situation he might find himself.

What was his secret? One commentary shares it like this:

Paul learned to leave it to others if they would, to be discontented. But he, on his part, learned by the teaching of the Holy Spirit, and the dealings of Providence (Hebrews 5:8), to be content in every state.*

As I determined to "live where I live," rather than living with my thoughts and heart wrapped around a future I could not see, I began my days like this:

Father, show me Your plan for today and help me accept it.

God, let me not be so farsighted that I miss the miracles around me right now.

Lord, help me to celebrate small gifts of this day.

Slowly the door to contentment opened. I began to invest in the community I lived in, enjoyed the scenery even more, and developed relationships with those around me.

It's been two years since our conversation in Sparrow Hawk. Richard and I found out this past month that we are moving. God did indeed open a door that will uproot us to a new state with a new church, new friends and new possibilities.

I'm packing my house and preparing for the move, but just yesterday my neighbors dropped by with their girls.

Trinity, who is six, showed me a turtle she had found. Macey, age two, climbed in the flower bed to peek at a purple-striped petunia.

Yes, there are new adventures ahead, but today I celebrate the joy of having close neighbors, and am satisfied with sitting with a sweet toddler with a pretty petunia in her hair.

Dear Jesus, You are the God of my future. You whispered plans in my heart, but the journey to that destination is just as important. Help me plant roots in today, and be content with what is in front of me as I trust You with tomorrow. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

Visit Suzanne Eller's blog for the scriptures she held on to as she learned to be content.

Let. It. Go.: How to Stop Running the Show and Walk In Faith by Karen Ehman

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Reflect and Respond:
We often celebrate the greater events in our life, but today let's celebrate the smaller ones: A neighbor who is kind. A good meal. Laughter of a child. A beautiful sky.

Breathe a prayer of thanksgiving as you celebrate each and every one of those gifts throughout the day.

Power Verses:
1 Timothy 6:6-7, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it." (NIV)

To Have and to Hold

"Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful." James 5:11 (ESV)

As I sprayed the front porch with my water hose, dirt and bugs poured down the side of my house. Blasting those things was exhilarating. Everything came off under the pressure of that water. Everything except one big spider web.

So I got a stool to stand on, edged in even closer, and blasted that web again. The silken threads thrashed to and fro with each gust of water. But the spider, the web, and her eggs stayed intact.

They weren't going anywhere.

Flabbergasted, I thought to myself, "Spiders must have an inborn instinct to have and to hold. Under the greatest pressure, they don't let go.

It reminded me of a time several years ago, when a friend came to me in devastation. Her husband told her he didn't love her—in fact, he said, he had never loved her.

"It's over," she told me.

We talked and I then asked, "Can you hold on to the marriage for just a while longer? You have nothing to lose. You've already lost him."

I told her to become his greatest admirer. Find the good in him. She did. It didn't work.

I told her to make his favorite dinners and desserts. She did. It didn't work.

I told her to make love to him as never before. She did. It didn't work.

I told her to do the things she knows he likes done. She did. It didn't work.

I told her to pray non-stop for him. She did. It didn't work.

I told her to tell him, "I vowed to you that I would hold on no matter what." She told him. But he didn't care.

After a month she came to me with tears in her eyes and said, "It's not working Sharon."

"He's not gone yet is he?" I said. "I know it's hard, but keep doing it ... because love always protects, always hopes, and always perseveres."

She took a deep breath.

She chose to keep doing it. And very gradually things started shifting. He started enjoying the dinners at the table and all the other things she was doing for him—even intimacy.

A year later they found themselves passionately in love with one another. For the first time.

Now, I know the story is not going to turn out the same for everyone. I've given the same advice to others without the same results. But I can give you this advice with confidence: when the storms come—and they will—hold on tight, just like the spiders on my porch.

God calls us to have a love that perseveres and hopes. We can't choose what kind of love the other party will give in return, but there is power in God's kind of love—a holding-on kind of love.

To have and to hold means you've got to hold on when the storm rages. And even if it knocks you off kilter, ask the Lord to give you strength to get back up and hold on some more.

I finally got all the spiders and their webs off my porch. It looked beautiful.

As I was gathering my cleaning supplies and enjoying the clean porch, I saw spiders crawling back up the wall.

I smiled. If I can't get rid of them, at least I can learn a lesson from them!

Dear Lord, help me to have a love that perseveres through hard times. Help me to love the way You've called me to love. Give me hope, strength and wisdom as only You can do. You know I need it. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do you know Jesus, the One you can trust with your life?

Visit Sharon Glasgow's blog for more encouragement on marriage.

Is your marriage struggling? Have you ever wished you could talk to a wife who understands what you're going through and can offer wise advice? Join Sharon Glasgow on the Extravagant Love conference call May 30th. For more information, click here.

For real hope for real life, soak up God's Word. It offers strength for trials, wisdom for tough decisions, and encouragement for weary moments. The new NIV Real-Life Devotional Bible for Women has the Proverbs 31 Ministries team's devotions interspersed throughout.

Reflect and Respond:
Are there areas of your marriage that you need to work on? Have you lost hope because you haven't seen the fruit of all your labor?

Ask God to help you and show you areas where you can grow. Ask Him to show you practical ways you can love better. Make an action plan of how you are going to tackle these areas.

Power Verses:
James 5:11, "We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord's dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful." (NAS)

2 Thessalonians 3:5, "May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ." (ESV)

The Most Important Lesson

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 11:18-19 (NIV)

Early in my motherhood adventure I realized I could solve my kids' problems for them. Not every problem. But for the most part when they had an issue I could step in and be the solution.

Or ...

I had another option. I could mentor and equip my kids to solve their issues. This approach is much more time consuming, brain draining, and sometimes quite frustrating.

But for me, the most important lesson I want to teach my kids is how to think.

It's that whole "give a man a fish" thing. Give him a fish and he'll eat for a day ... or teach him to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.

I don't want to train my children to always turn to me for solutions. I want them to learn to think in biblically and emotionally healthy ways and process life's choices in grounded, mature ways. Eventually, they will become solution finders.

If I only tell my kids what they can and can't do, I'm establishing rules for them to follow. This is a part of parenting for sure, but it can't be the whole part.

If I teach them how to think, I'm establishing healthy processing patterns that will serve them when they're no longer under my immediate watch.

For example, texting while driving is deadly. I've taught them this rule. But to help them learn to process the dangers of driving while distracted, I decided to have a family discussion.

Recently, I asked each of the kids to come to a scheduled family dinner equipped to present a brief report on the dangers of texting and driving.

As they presented their reports, I saw the light bulbs coming on in their thought processes. They weren't just learning a rule; they were discovering how to think about this dangerous habit. They were passionate about it. And the best part? They independently committed to not text and drive.

They owned it. Not because I preached a rule at them. But rather, because I helped them learn how to think through this danger for themselves.

The Bible instructs us to teach our kids the truths of God by talking and processing with them all throughout the day. Obviously, texting and driving isn't a biblical truth, but how powerful it is to apply a Biblical mindset to every issue we face.

So, be it a Scriptural truth or processing life stuff in general, I think the secret is tucked within the beautiful words of our key verse, Deuteronomy 11:18-21 (NIV):

Yes, may our days together be many. Learning. Thinking. And processing each problem through the filter of God's Truth.

Dear Lord, thank You for the opportunity to teach my children how to think in a way that is honoring to You. Use me as an example of Your love and compassion in their lives. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Equip your daughter or a young woman you know to think in biblically and emotionally healthy ways with Lysa TerKeurst's new book, What Happens When Young Women Say Yes to God, co-written with her teenage daughter Hope. Click here to purchase your copy.

Lysa's book Am I Messing Up My Kids? is overflowing with practical ideas, short Bible studies, and plenty of encouragement, to help moms realize that—with God’s wisdom and mercy—they can experience peace and satisfaction while raising their kids.

For more daily encouragement, click here to visit Lysa's Facebook page!

Reflect and Respond:
How can you begin to implement this way of thinking with your family?

Start small – direct your child to Scripture, say a prayer with him/her, or make it an overall family discussion!

Power Verses:
Proverbs 22:6, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." (NIV)

Isaiah 54:13, "All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace." (NIV)

Learn to Rest

"He restores my soul." Psalm 23:3a (ESV)

My words poured through frustrated tears. "I try to be so organized. Every night I make a 'to do' list. I wake up in the morning furiously giving my best to complete every task. There are never enough hours in my day to get them all done. I wake up the next day to do it all over again, only this time, the unfinished tasks from yesterday's list carry over to today's. I'm so tired!"

My dear friend and mentor calmly interrupted, "Wendy, you must learn to rest."

Taking a deep breath, I whispered, "Is resting something I have to learn?"

"Yes," she said firmly, "you must learn to rest."

"Okay," I told her. "I'll go to bed earlier and when I feel super tired, I'll take a short nap."

Back then I thought the cure to my weariness would come from resting my tired body and delaying my duties for a time with a catnap. But that wasn't what she meant. My friend knew there was a difference between being physically tired and needing to catch up on some zzz's, and being worn out in our hearts, minds and souls.

The truth is, we aren't weary simply because our schedules are full. We are weary because our spirits are depleted. Within each one of us resides a soul that desperately needs renewal and restoration, something an overloaded schedule doesn't always allow.

It's easy to hide our exhausted souls. On the outside we may appear well-organized, emotionally stable, and put together. But on the inside we are often hopelessly overwhelmed and completely stressed out. The remedy for our weariness will not be found in a nap, but in God alone.

In the Old Testament, Psalm 23 speaks of God as our Shepherd. That passage says our Shepherd "restores" our souls. When I looked a bit deeper into the original meaning of "restore," I learned so much more about God's promise to bring life back to my tired soul.

The Hebrew word "restore" in Psalm 23 is shuwb. It's a word most often translated "to return or go back." It speaks of God's people returning to Him and means "movement back to the point of departure." The use of the word "restore" implies we must return to God to receive our restoration.

In the New Testament in John 10:14, Jesus tells us He is our "Good Shepherd." This is from the Greek word poimen. It literally means "shepherd," referring to one who guides, guards, and provides for his flock. When we return to our Shepherd, Jesus, He will guard us, guide us and provide for our every need.

Our Good Shepherd can only restore our souls when we turn our hearts and our minds away from the noise and busyness of the world back to Him. Sitting alone with the Lord leads us to peace and gives us the strength we need to move forward.

Do you need restoration? Take this little test.

Does every word your husband speak irritate you?

Does every errand you have to run for your kids breed resentment?

Does every morning bring feelings of stress and anxiety?

If you answered yes to one or all of these questions, you are running on empty, operating out of your own depleted resources.

Learn to rest.

Return to your Good Shepherd.

Invite Him to restore your soul.

Receive a fresh filling of His love, mercy and grace.

When you do, He will replace your weariness with strength, your resentment with thanksgiving, your irritability with patience, and your anxiety with peace.

The Lord is waiting.

Meet with Him. He will refresh and renew you, enabling you to go out into the world to serve your family and friends filled with a newfound sense of His peace, love, and joy.

Dear Lord, help me be still before You. Give me the rest only You can give. Renew and restore my weary heart. Fill me to overflowing. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?

Visit Wendy Blight's Blog and sign up for her new three-week online study, Quiet My Anxious Heart: Learning to Rest in Jesus. It starts today!

Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner by Wendy teaches you how to have a quiet time and grow deeper in your walk with God.

Reflect and Respond:
Have you neglected spending time alone with God? For the next seven days, return to your Good Shepherd. Open Psalm 23, read a portion of the passage each of the seven days, and invite the Lord to refresh and restore your soul.

Power Verses:
Jeremiah 6:16, "This is what the LORD says: 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls...'" (NIV)

Psalm 62:5, "Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him." (NIV)

Reshaping Me

"Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives." Galatians 5:25 (NLT)

It was supposed to be a day filled with the simple pleasure of getting my hair cut. But rather than just a reshaping of my unruly mop, God planed a reshaping of my character.

Others might find their simple pleasures in sunny spring days on the porch, cool fall evenings with the family toasting marshmallows, or the company of a good friend.

Me? One of my favorite pleasures is hair cut day.

It was one of those ordinary days, and a haircut was on my agenda. My appointment was a week overdue, my roots were screaming, and I was anxious to have my messy hair reshaped. Driving to the salon, I smiled thinking how much I would enjoy the experience.

Little did I know God had a more important experience planned.

After my cut, style, and primping time had ended, I grabbed my purse to pay for my new 'do. "Before I go," I said to my stylist, "I need to use your bathroom."

Walking in, I immediately noticed the dirty ring around the toilet bowl, the matching ring in the sink, and well, the gross things that form around the base of the commode.

Disgusted, I began to criticize and question the sanitation regulations of the salon. In the midst of my mumblings I sensed the Holy Spirit whispering things I didn't want to hear.

"No. You can't be serious," I argued.

Again I heard His whisper. Again I debated. I found myself teetering. Would I follow the Holy Spirit's direction or flush, wash, and leave?

Frozen, I was unable to move toward the door. My only option was to yield. I looked around at the various cleaning products, took a deep breath, grabbed a handful of paper towels and a worn out toilet brush and began to obey the Spirit's direction.

I wasn't thrilled or interested in doing a good job. I wanted to hurry and get out. But while on my hands and knees, scrubbing and wiping, the reshaping continued as I heard the whisper, "As you would your own."

It wasn't enough that I had yielded; God wanted my heart to be right. So I continued cleaning, with greater fervor, as if it were my own bathroom. As I worked to change the bathroom, the Lord changed me. My pride turned to humility as I thought about the next person who would enter the restroom. Envisioning the look on her face as she smelled the fresh clean aroma and saw sparkling chrome brought me great joy. This joy melted away my stubbornness as I experienced God's delight.

Today, tomorrow, or in the future you will be given the opportunity to follow the Holy Spirit's leading as Galatians 5:25 tells us to do. Maybe you will not be asked to clean a bathroom, but there is no doubt your choice to seize or ignore your opportunity will reshape your character. How will you respond?

Dear Lord, thank You for the opportunity to know You as Savior and Lord. Today and each day forward I want to seize every chance I have to be more like You. Forgive me for ignoring opportunities in the past. Thank You for wanting to reshape my character. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know the Lord?

Visit Wendy Pope's blog for more about following the Spirit's leading and to win a copy of Trusting God for a Better Tomorrow Bible Study by Wendy.

Have you felt the Holy Spirit whisper it's time to start teaching, leading, speaking or writing? Pray about joining us at our 13th annual She Speaks Conference. Click here for more details on this equipping and encouraging weekend!

Reflect and Respond:
How is God trying to reshape your life? How are you responding?

Today, yield to the opportunity God gives to obey Him.

Power Verses:
Psalm 119:10, "With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!" (ESV)

Romans 1:5, "We have received grace and apostleship through Him to bring about the obedience of faith among all the nations, on behalf of His name." (HCSB)