PackSmack

Matt Flynn Sets Packer Record Against Lions

noreply@blogger.com (Pack_Smack) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 03:59:00 +0000

When he was an LSU Tiger, Matt Flynn was the King of the Jungle as he led his team to the National Championship title.

But the Detroit Lions would have none of that on their trip to Lambeau Field in Green Bay on New Years Day. They thought they could tame the Tiger, take advantage of some key Packer inactives and go into the playoffs with a roar.

Four hundred eighty yards, six touchdown passes and a franchise record later, Matt Flynn once again ruled the day.

With a little help from Jordy Nelson and others, Flynn did nothing less than create a memorable resume for his coming job interview next year, his first as a free agent.

Which begs the question, what would a guy rather do for a few more years, be the backup on a team that has potential to fill a fist with Super Bowl rings, or sell out to the highest bidder where you can be a starter.

It's a great question, and certainly Flynn in not the first one to be in the position. But if what Vince Lombardi said is true, "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing," how about Flynn just settling in to be the Packers backup for a few more years and be on a winning team?

Odds are that Aaron Rodgers is going to go down at some point and what better backup to have than the very competent Flynn? Wasn't Zeke Bratkowski Bart Starr's eternal backup? And wasn't Earl Morral Johnny Unitas'? Even George Blanda was content with backing up Oakland's Darryl Lamonica.

But perhaps winning is no longer the only thing. Money is.

For Matt Flynn will undoubtedly command more money than Green Bay can spare, and he will enjoy a successful career apart from Green Bay.

But on January 1, 2012 winning was pretty sweet to watch as Matt Flynn tore up the Detroit Lions in an unforgettable performance as a Green Bay Packer.

And it was not the Lions, but the LSU Tiger who was King of the Jungle on that day.

Even Santa Thinks The Bears Suck

noreply@blogger.com (Pack_Smack) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 17:00:00 +0000

Santa Claus could very well have brought an actual quarterback to Lambeau Field for the Chicago Bears' Christmas present this year. Instead they got an adequate one from the recycling bin, who still had a few interceptions left in him.

He also could have brought them some defensive backs that don't suck. But he hasn't figured out how to clone Charles Woodson yet.

He could have kept their playoff hopes alive. But title hopes in Chicago never live long. Neither does anything else, for that matter, like hope, success, optimism, a smile or things that are good.

In fact Santa doesn't even visit Chicago anymore because, as was evident in Christmas Day's NFL match up between the Bears and the Green Bay Packers, the Bears suck; and even Santa knows it.

It used to be that Santa stopped going to Illinois because on his way down from the north pole every year, he would have to pass through Wisconsin first. And every year the Cheeseheads, all of whom are armed deer hunters, would slaughter Santa's reindeer and he would have to use a couple of Ski-Doo's to get his sleigh home.

Santa got sick of that, and eventually when he saw that no residents of Chicago ever even qualified for his Christmas list, well, he just stopped going altogether except for that time he gave them Obama instead of the usual coal. (And later on in 2012, showing himself to be a bit punitive, Santa is going to drop the nation's Democrap's onto the city for their convention, the curse of curses for Chicago.)

Though, yes, the Bears did gain quite a few yards on the Packers, that doesn't make them special because everyone gains big yards on the Packers. The Packers give up yards like Obama gives other people your money.

And it was the score, not the yards, that determined the game. Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers didn't even play in the 4th quarter and the Packers still won 35-21. For Santa had given plenty of gifts to Rodgers, as in five touchdown passes. He also gave gifts to coach McCarthy, home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. In fact the only Packer Santa is not pleased with is Jermichael Finley, who could not catch a cold if he were flying through Manitoba strapped to the front of Santa's sleigh dressed like Lady Gaga. Santa has warned Finley that Tom Crabtree will be the Packers starting tight end if he doesn't start hanging on to the ball once in awhile.

Furthermore, he has also threatened to trade Finley to the Argentinian national soccer team, where you don't have to catch the ball, for 39 pesos, a hat, a mule and some home made tortillas. So Finley is clearly walking on thin tundra.

But let's hope that Santa also brought the Packers a pass rush for Christmas that they will open soon.

Lombardi Kicks Al Davis' Butt in Afterlife Game

noreply@blogger.com (Pack_Smack) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 04:45:00 +0000

Somewhere above the clouds yesterday beloved Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi was once again getting some excitement.

Of course, you thought the game was between coach McCarthy and the Raiders coach, or Aaron Rodgers against the Oakland defense. Nope, you were wrong.

The real action was up there in heaven where once again, like in days of lore, coach Lombardi got to welcome one of heaven's newest citizens, Al Davis, to the place by schooling Davis again and eating his lunch.

Just for kicks, Lombardi dropped a watermelon into the bellies of the Raiders kicking professionals. It was quite apparent by looking at Janikowski or the punter that Lombardi had succeeded, with the front of their jerseys protruding like a pregnant cat.

Lombardi also tossed down some arthritis into aging Raiders quarterback Carson Palmer, though Davis countered and at least got Palmer out of his wheel chair long enough to play a few quarters of questionable football.

When Davis tried some of his magic against the Packers by putting a hard pass rush on quarterback Aaron Rodgers, it backfired as Davis had forgotten to figure in the Kansas Flash, Jordy Nelson. Lombardi made him pay for that twice.

Davis also tried to tried to squelch the running game by making sure James Starks could not play, even going to the extent of limiting his own running back, McFadden. However, Lombardi, who didn't just arrive in heaven that morning, had his own plans and enabled running back Ryan Grant to have his best day of the season.

One did go to the Raiders, though, as Davis engineered the injury of Packer deep threat Greg Jennings who had to leave the game. Jennings, however, is a man of faith himself and personal friend of Jesus. So Davis will probably have some 'splainin to do about that one.

But just like in Super Bowl II, where the AFL's Oakland Raiders tried to climb the ladder into the big leagues, Lombardi had too much mojo for them. Too much talent. Too much execution. Too much planning. Too much karma.

And like that January day back in 1968, Lombardi once again got to punk Al Davis.

After all, the NFL trophy IS named the Lombardi trophy, and not the Davis trophy, now isn't it?

Good game, Pack.

Packers Beat Giants but Play Like Sibyl

noreply@blogger.com (Pack_Smack) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 04:43:00 +0000

Yes, they beat the New York football Giants today, but the Green Bay Packers play football like Sybil.

It is more than mere dysfunction, it is more like psychosis.

How else can you explain a team that can just as easily cut its own wrists or kill you dead on any given play?

One second the opponent is running circles around your defensive backfield making them look like second-graders, the next second the defense is picking off Eli Manning and running into the end zone untouched.

At one moment they can be giving up an Aaron Rodgers sack, and the next Jordy Nelson can be making impossible body moves to bring in a timely long pass.

On one play, the offense can be moving the ball, but the next, kill the momentum with mindless false start penalties.

The Packers can be very great or very bad on any given play. If they were your wife, you'd plan to renew your wedding vows and also try to kill each other.

It's like combining Halloween and Easter. Or putting asparagus in your ice cream. Or working at a sewage plant in Hawaii. The contrasts are extreme and disturbing.

But that is what the Green Bay Packers are this year. They are both the best team in football and, in some ways, the worst team in football. And if that is not the Sibyl of the NFL, nothing can be.

We'll be sleeping with one eye open the rest of the season.

Intense in Detroit

noreply@blogger.com (Pack_Smack) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 19:34:00 +0000

It is the third quarter on Thanksgiving Day's early game in Detroit. And it is not pretty.

John Kuhn just scored the Packers second touchdown, to give them a deceiving 14-0 lead, but it was only after a number of dropped passes, a flurry of penalty flags, an ejection and plenty of bad blood.

Thankfully.

For it seems that Green Bay is finally having to play with the intensity that is necessary to continue to improve.

Previous games have seemed to be more of a party for the Pack with smiles, Lambeau Leaps, joking, spooning with the opposing team's players and head coaches, and other things that are fine for late in the fourth quarter, but not until then.

Instead of smiling, the Packers should be showing their teeth until the final two-minute warning.

The concentration on the faces of Packer players is nice to see.

Perhaps it will work to ensure the Lions get properly cooked.

No Pressure; Capers AWOL

noreply@blogger.com (Pack_Smack) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 03:31:00 +0000

Sure, it seems like Tampa Bay has never been too intimidated by the Green Bay Packers; it doesn't take a great memory to recall them being spoilers, and often making the Packers look like the choking Minnesota Vikings.

So who can blame them for not reading the press clippings about the undefeated and reigning NFL Champion Green Bay Packers, for not buying into the hype, and for coming into Lambeau Field today and playing like they expected to win?

And, to their credit, they snuck into the city and then into the stadium, and almost all the way through the fourth quarter without so much as causing a stir in the sleep of one Dom Capers, Green Bay's former defensive coordinator. What's that you say? Capers isn't the former defensive coordinator, but the current coordinator? Well, no he isn't. For where has be been? He wasn't at Lambeau Field today.

And he hasn't been with the team this entire season. Yes, he showed up last week when Minnesota came to town, but other than that Dom Capers has been AWOL from the Green Bay Packers.

Gone are the pressure packages which intimidated opposing quarterbacks and made the sacking-Clay Matthews a household name. Gone are the days when they didn't have all day to wait for a receiver to eventually get open. Gone are the days when whatever opposing quarterback happened to be playing the Packers did not earn himself a career best performance, and candidate for NFL player of the week.

Because back when Dom Capers used to be the defensive coordinator, the Green Bay Packers used to put pressure on opposing quarterbacks. Do you remember that? It used to be a frenzy of people attacking from every direction but up. It was a free-for-all in the opposing team's backfield. Heck, even the pencil-necked wiener, Barry Obama could have got in for a sack.

But now, well, there is just no pressure.

Nope. no pressure at all. Why, Clay Matthews' hair is longer than ever. It is probably even longer than Pittsburg's Troy Polamalu's. And Aaron Rodgers? Well, he's on track for breaking PeyTom Branning-dy's records. He might be the NFL's MVP this year.

As for the Packers, well, are they going to be the next undefeated NFL team or not?

Are not all those important issues? Certainly. Indeed there is some pressure there, to gain all those milestones, dontchaknow? But, of course, no pressure on the field. We got this. Right?

WRONG! The Green Bay Packers do NOT 'got this.' They have been lucky to be a mere 10-0. Why do I say 'mere?' Because it seems to this writer that the Green Bay Packers have forgotten the GOAL in football. And the goal in football is to win the next game. 16-0 means nothing. 16-0 is not a goal. Winning the next game is the only goal the Packers ought to concern themselves with and right now they are not playing with the necessary urgency and fever that they ought to be playing with. They are playing like there is no pressure on them. Remember this: complacency kills.

Though the offense is putting up points, a football team is not just a few passes. And Dom Capers had better start consistently dialing up pressure on the opposing team's quarterback or January is going to be a lonely month.

Mike McCarthy ought to make Clay Matthews cut his hair - shave his head, even. And the rest of the team as well. This team deserved to lose today because the offense played with no pressure, or urgency, and the defense didn't put any pressure on Tampa Bay.

And though Green Bay is capable of going 16-0, an undefeated regular season means absolutely nothing in the NFL. Neither do individual passing records. The best any team can hope to accomplish is to play up to its own potential and play with hunger until that is achieved. Once this is accomplished, the winning and losing take care of themselves.

This Green Bay Packer team can be so much better. Dom Capers can make them better. If only he wold show up.

This week's game ball is split between Jordy Nelson and Packer fan #88, who, when Tampa Bay's running back faked a touchdown-celebratory Lambeau Leap and then tossed the ball into the stands, batted the ball out of the stands and back at the Tampa player. Atta boy.

Packers Put Vikings in Chokehold; Give Charles Woodson a Cape

noreply@blogger.com (Pack_Smack) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 04:43:00 +0000

Not only did the Minnesota Vikings not have the answer for the high-powered Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field on Monday night, they played like they didn't even know what the question was.

Sure Jared Allen spent more time in the Packers backfield than Ryan Grant, but he really got little help, even from a great running back and a pretty good rookie quarterback.

Because what was different about this game is that defensive coordinator Dom Capers finally dialed up a whole phone book of blitzes and pressure packages for the waning Vikings which made the whole defense look good and continually put the Vikings in poor down and distance situations.

And when Capers dials up such chaos, it becomes clear that Charles Woodson needs a dang cape - he flies around the field like Superman and makes more plays than Shakespeare. Even SoCal Clay Matthews got into the sack-tion.

The offense looked typically sharp, and all credit goes to their tremendous weekly effort. But it sure is a sweeter day when the defense performs as well.

Tonight was the first game this year when the Packers began to play up to their potential. Previously they have performed like mere juveniles compared to their true capabilities.

Ponder This: Charles Woodson is a Dangerous Man

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 23:01:00 +0000

Charles Woodson is a dangerous man. Ax-murderer dangerous. Shackles and leg irons dangerous. Hide your women and children. Especially of you are a rookie quarterback starting your first NFL game.

And so the Vikings shiny new quarterback Christian Ponder came out pretending he was a gun-slinger and helped give his team the lead for most of the first half. But then he tried to sell his act to the wiley Woodson. Result? Ponder can add himself to the list of those NFL quarterbacks humiliated and victimized by Charles Woodson. As Woodson takes another bow.

But Woodson did not win this game alone. Quarterback Aaron Rodgers exhibited a nearly perfect game. Andrew Cobb decided to stop playing for the Vikings and join in the Packers efforts instead. Closing pitcher James Starks came in relief of Ryan Grant and dug the knife deep with some wicked, punishing running late in the game.

Though the Vikings proved once again that records do not matter in the NFC North and made it interesting, the Packers generally dominated the second half and, most importantly, once again found a way to win.

The Vikings tried passing the ball, running the ball, and even kicking Packer players in the groin, but Green Bay overcame Jared Allen, Adrian Pederson, and the referee's poor call on a Clay Matthews roughing the passer- that wasn't.

But the Packers are still not playing 'well,' or up to their potential; they have a lot of room for improvement. Perhaps if Dom Capers will dial up some pressure on the opposing team's quarterback here pretty soon, it won't put so much pressure on Green Bay's injury-riddled defensive backfield.

Regardless, once this unbeaten team starts rolling, they are going to be a pretty darn good football team.

Pack Spams Rams

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 23:53:00 +0000

The Acme Meat Packers did what meat packers do yesterday against the visiting St. Louis Rams - they killed them, cut them up and canned them.

Though some may call rams big game, it was the meat packers Aaron Rodgers who had a big game at the big game at Lambeau Field in Green Bay. Rodgers, the Packers .12-gauge, was merciless to the Rams as he delivered one deadly shot after another in the second quarter. It helped that Al Harris was on the visiting team - all Jordy Nelson had to do was imitate Plaxico Burris and Harris obliged by getting burned for a 90+ yard Packers passing play for a touchdown. One had to think Jordy must have felt like he was sitting on top of the world as he paused there on the rail during his ensuing Lambeau Leap to drink it all in.

Nelson has an outstanding Lambeau Leap, which, you will remember, is much better than Aaron Rodgers' Lambeau Leap...Rodgers Lambeau Leap still sucks. But as long as he keeps dishing the touchdown passes to Nelson, Driver, Jones, Jennings and Finley, we won't complain.

Decked out in their brown helmets and pants, and navy and yellow jerseys which get better looking with each win, the meat packers also shot down all attempts by the Rams to get into the end zone. Though allowed to graze almost at will on the other parts of the green Lambeau turf, the Rams just couldn't butt their way through when the Packers defense got stubborn near the goal line. PackSmack speculates that the meat packers were just letting the rams fatten themselves up on the nutrient-rich Lambeau grass to make better ram spam at the end of the day. If so, that would be a real caper by, er, Dom Capers. But let's hope that the season closes soon on such generosity by the Packers defense.

Also memorable was some punishing blows delivered by the meat packers .44 magnum, James Starks, who seems to have as big of heart as Ryan Grant and maybe a little more power. As the explosiveness of the .44 magnum is legendary, so Starks is starting to become known for packing a hefty portion of gunpowder when he slams through the line and through the defense.

And .50 cal A.J. Hawk also did some unforgettable damage as he blasted his way through everything Ram and destroyed the St. Louis quarterback. Together with Clay Matthews, 52, these dual weapons might be called 'Ma Deuce,' the twin fifties. And when they get sacks, Matthews can hold up his index finger, while Hawk can continue to hold up the other half of the peace sign, the finger he likes to hold up.

So what's on the menu this week? Plenty of Ram Spam. And cheese.

Compliments of the Acme Meat Packers.

Green Bay Burns Atlanta

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 04:50:00 +0000

It was sort of like the Civil War. You know, the Confederate Army looks for a fight, then does some damage like at the battle of Manassas. Well, the Atlanta Falcons did just that as they dominated the first half of the game against the visiting Green Bay Packers, reigning NFL Champs.

Perhaps the Falcons were still bitter about the crushing they received in the NFC playoffs courtesy of the same Packers. Regardless, they came out and blasted out two touchdowns on their first two drives. While Green Bay had nothing. Except the will to find a way to win.

And then things got worse for the Packers as their only healthy offensive tackle, Chad Clifton, went out with an injury. The Packers were suddenly left to bring in pass protection packages which left few slots for receivers.

But just as the Union Army began to turn the tide of the war with swift moves at Gettysburg, Green Bay struck hard with a quick score as James Jones hauled in an Aaron Rodgers pass and did the rest himself. It wasn't long after when Greg Jennings out-hustled Atlanta defenders and sliced his way into the end zone and suddenly the Packers had a solid lead.

Meanwhile, as in the Civil War where General Sherman marches his Union troops into Atlanta and burns it to the ground, the Packers defense had figured out how to stop the Falcons and the team then enforced their will the rest of the way.

PackSmack thinks that Green Bay's Jermichael Finley ought to spend less time on practicing his celebrations for the rare occasions when he does catch a ball thrown to him, and more time on focusing on actually catching it.

Aaron Rodgers played great football. James Jones and Greg Jennings played full-throttle football. The Packers offensive line and running backs played gutsy football. And the defense played inspired football...in the second half.

But the game ball has to go to coaches McCarthy and Capers. These guys were the genius behind a difficult game to win. But together, and with a patient, talented team, they found a way.

Packers Soar - Broncos Can't Keep Up

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 00:43:00 +0000

The Denver Broncos are not a horrible team; they just brought their horses and their horsepower to an event at Lambeau Field where the Packers play on jet fuel. And the results showed as much.

With Green Bay's quarterback Aaron Rodgers delivering air-bombs to all his favorite receivers for touchdowns and rushing for two more, the Broncos found that they simply could not compete.

Effective runs by James Starks and multiple gains in the short passing game set up the Broncos defense for Rodgers' pin-point down field passes. The Packers offense was flying high in all areas of the game, playing at an altitude far above the mile-highers, and putting up a convincing 49 points.

Their defense also showed up to play, shutting Denver's run down early leaving the Broncos fate in the hands of Kyle Orton and his talented receivers. Orton did do some damage and Green Bay's pass coverage did yield yards and points. But the defense not only giveth, they also taketh away. Making more turnovers than Sara Lee, they really contributed in getting Rodgers and the offense back onto Lambeau turf. Charles Woodson's early interception was just the start. Soon everyone was in on the action, getting picks, picking up fumbles or recovering onside kicks.

This game was lopsided, and the Broncos were as out of place on this field as Budweiser's Clydesdale's would be on the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan aircraft carrier.

And though Aaron Rodgers' Lambeau Leap really sucks, the Green Bay Packers are a very good football team. The sky's the limit.

Chicago Bears - Vortex of Suck

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 17:42:00 +0000

It is days after the Green Bay Packers most recent slaughtering of the Chicago Bears, but the extent of just how much the Bears suck still hasn't worn off or faded away. It just sits there…and bubbles.

Perhaps it is the vision of Bears sissy quarterback Jay Cutler flinching as he walked to the sidelines at one point in that last game. I guess with an ineffective offensive line like the Bears have it is understandable; Cutler gets more hits than Google. He is like Inspector Cluseau’s boss in the old Pink Panther movies, jittery, twitchy, shell-shocked.

Or maybe it is the realization of the expected disgust at how quickly Chicago and Bears fans revert to humanity’s lowest levels of behavior once they lose the game. They hate everybody. The coaches, the quarterback, the refs, the victors, each other; like tomato sauce at a spaghetti party – it’s everywhere. Of course you knew this was going to happen because it always does, but watching it raise its ugly head again is simply disgusting.

Even the city itself hates. Sunlight is not allowed within Chicago’s borders. Gloom just rolls in from Lake Michigan in the morning and rolls out again at night. Smiles are not allowed, nor is happiness; just obnoxious behavior. One is not allowed to speak unless his or her communication includes vulgarity, perversion, evil and psychotic fascinations. The regular intake of inhaled carbon monoxide and bus fumes is required.

But listening is banned. A Chicago-an must never listen, he can only speak. When someone tries to talk to him, he is forbidden from hearing what that person has to say. Instead, he must begin talking very loudly using plenty of curses, until his is the only voice. At that point he has won, so he moves on the next conflict.

It was probably fated that Chicago would always suck. If you look at a map, it becomes apparent that it is the very sewer for Lake Michigan. What happens when Lake Michigan gets flushed? You guessed it, all the nasty stuff drains right into Chicago. (You thought Soldier Field was a football stadium? Nope. Toilet bowl.)

Add to this that it is also the low-point in the region and the entire state of Wisconsin also drains right into Chicago. Just look at a map, it all runs downhill. These phenomena have in effect contributed in making Chicago what it is; essentially, the Vortex of Suck. In fact, Chicago’s Suck is so strong that residents of Green Bay do not even need to flush their toilets, the Suck from Chicago just pulls it through the pipes and it lands on the desk of the Chicago Bears head football coach. For as it turns out, Soldier Field is the very center of the Vortex of Suck.

Some would have you believe that it was the Bears who brought Suck to Chicago and created this vortex. This theory does not have scientific fact to back it up, however; kind of like Al Gore’s global warming.

So the Chicago Bears really stood little chance to do anything other than to suck. It seems to have been fate.

But given that their role is indeed to suck, they certainly are doing a fine job at that.

The Bears Still Suck Still and Packers Win Again

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 23:03:00 +0000

Jay Cutler is the best 9 year-old female quarterback in the NFL.

And from his sporadic, herky-jerky involuntary right shoulder twitches, it looks like he might be the NFL's best Turret's sufferer, too.

Honestly, he looked like Steve Young when Young was a child. He is skinny, whiny, throws temper tantrums and mopes around like any other Real Housewife. He is almost as much of a spoiled little diva as Chicago's Devin Molester.

No wonder the Bears fans boo their own team more than they cheer for them.

Sure Urlacher made some plays, but he's always going to make a few, that is a given. But other than his play, the Bears had nothing. No run game. No pass defense. No discipline. No professionalism, just the regular dissipation into self-destruction. Eventually every Chicago Bear and every Chicago Bears fan end up eating their young.

The only good thing in that stadium not wearing yellow and green was the 27-17 score on the scoreboard. Everything else sucked.

The Packers tried to suck by getting a train-load more penalties than they should have, but guys like Greg Jennings, Jermichael Finley, Aaron Rodgers, Clay Matthews and the run stoppers of the Packers kept them alive. Ryan Grant also got to contribute, which is good for him because he is so hungry to do so after last year's injury; it is also good for the Packers. Grant had a solid running game.

So getting out of Chicago is always good, but getting out with a convincing win is better.

The Bears lost. The Vikings lost. And the Bills even took down the Faketriots. It was a great day in the NFL.

Blaze Orange Bears Suck Too

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 20:26:00 +0000

Someone within the Chicago Bears dis-organization thought that it was a good idea for the Bears to show up to today's game against Green Bay in blaze orange jerseys.

Knowing that they had to change something up because they were humiliated by the Packers twice at the end of last year, including the Bears loss to them in the NFC Championship game, some genius decided that the orange jersey was the answer.

Maybe it was a subliminal message to try to get out of the cross-hairs of Green Bay; for everyone in this region knows that Cheeseheads wear orange when they hunt deer (state law); perhaps this was , er, aimed at the Packers to activate their instinct to hesitate while on the hunt when they do see orange. Bears are afraid of humans, after all, and will try anything it seems.

But let's not mince words here, the orange and blue jerseys suck. They look like salmon eggs. And a Bear of any other color is, yes, still a hated Chicago Bear.

And though Brian Urlacher and Jay Cutler may enjoying wearing orange skirts and orange heels when they dress up in drag on Friday nights, the orange and blue jerseys really have no place in the NFC North. Nor do the Bears.

Packers Give Cam the Shaft

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 04:52:00 +0000

(Streeter Lecka, Getty Images)

Carolina's rookie phenom quarterback lit up the sky in Charlotte Sunday, but guys like Charles Woodson and Aaron Rodgers gave Cam (Newton), in the end, the shaft.

Newton's early brilliance eventually met up with the cunning of Woodson as the legend snagged two of the quarterback's passes for interceptions. Later, Woodson would run down a loose Panther ball for another theft.

After the latter turnover, the television camera found Woodson sitting on the bench enjoying a cup of Gatorade...but it could just as easily have shown a shot of a cat sitting with bird feathers in it's mouth as people fretted about trying to find a missing canary. So often after the ball has been stolen from the opposing offense, there is a follow-up shot of Charles Woodson; the cat who ate the canary.

As regularly advocated on this blog, they should not wait until the future to put Charles Woodson the the Hall of Fame, they should do it immediately! Today. The guy can and does give any quarterback the shaft either from his interceptions, his forced fumbles, his fumble recoveries, his reckless tackling, or his lightening blitzes. Charles Woodson is a dangerous man.

But there were other Packers who helped put Cam and the Panthers into the shaft. Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers found both Greg Jennings and Jordy Nelson open behind enemy lines and each dashed into the end zone for big-yardage scores. So much rookie drama canceled out by two effortless Rodgers passes.

Running backs Ryan Grant and James Starks also had a big role in turning out the lights in Carolina. For a certain period of time, Packer coach Mike McArthy decided to advance the ball down the field via the ground game. Both running backs demonstrated toughness, speed, durability and dependability as Green Bay established a definitive running game. Of course, as the Panthers shored up their defense to answer the running game, Rodgers stabbed them in the heart with a touchdown pass.

The Packer defense allowed more points and yards than they should have, but the likes of Newton, a 6'5" slasher, is pretty rare in the league. Teams will have to begin to figure out how to stop him. For now, he remains an anomaly with a bright future. And Newton got to meet fellows like Clay Matthews and BJ Raji, usually followed by meeting the Carolina turf. Matthews was again a relentless wild man effecting all areas of the football field, and Raji the monster in the middle. Though Carolina is known to not have a running game, all the defensive men in green worked to confirm that suspicion.

Though the Packers win was not pretty, the team did not panic when it found itself down early 10-0 before the Packer offense had even stepped on the field. Indeed, they showed poise. A strong Panther rush took away Green Bay's signature wide-open passing game but the Packers found that the pressure could not stop screens and the rushing game; the Packers, thus proved themselves adaptable and versatile. Donald Driver caught one pass. Jordy Nelson caught one pass. James Jones caught one pass. Each were only thrown to once. So it was not a typical Green Bay game, but championship teams find a way to win. And the Packers did just that.

Sorry Cam. Welcome to the big league.

Who Can Keep Up With the Packers?

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 03:34:00 +0000

The 2010 Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers began their league title defense tonight at home in Lambeau Field against a highly-touted team from New Orleans.

But did the Saints have what it takes to stop the multi-tooled Packer offense? Nope. Nobody does. Which is why the Packers are the reigning NFL champs.

For how do you stop Aaron Rodgers, Greg Jennings, Donald Driver, Jermichael Finley AND Ryan Grant, James Starks and John Kuhn? Answer: you don't. Doesn't matter if you were the 2009 NFL champions; doesn't matter if you were the NFC North champions; you don't have an answer to Green Bay threats. You can't stop them.

Now if tonight's game was any indication, you can score on them. The Steelers did in the Super Bowl. The Saints did tonight.

But the real question is: Can you keep up with them?

The Saints came close. The Chargers might be able to. But no matter who you are, you had better have a lot of horses in your stable, because it the 2011 title will be a race of thoroughbreds.

It is great for the NFL champions to return to their home field. It is great for the NFL season to be under way. And it is a great year to be a Green Bay Packer fan. This team is loaded!

Rodgers, Packers Flattened by Fish

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 22:48:00 +0000

(Photo by Scott Boehm/Getty Images)

With most of Green Bay's big fish watching the game from the injury list, what is left of the team simply does not have enough left to keep them from playing like minnows.

Though recently concussed quarterback Aaron Rodgers was able to make some courageous key plays, he spent most of his day getting thrashed around by the Dolphins like a seal in the mouth of a great white, which killed most of the Packers drives and kept the ball in Miami's hands.

And, of course, Green Bay's defense, so vacant of starters that it literally is using offensive players, is not much more able to consistently stop an NFL offense than a beach can stop an psunami.

By then end of the game, linebacker AJ Hawk, who technically was not an original starter at the beginning of this year, was left playing along side only third or fourth string linebackers as he, Cullen Jenkins and Charles Woodson tried in vain to stop the hemorrhaging. And they almost pulled it off, taking a solid Dolphin team into overtime.

Although there are no excuses in the NFL, you just can't ignore that Green Bay is depleted to the point that they are no longer the lethal contender they might have been this year.

So there really is no point in trying to blame the 20-23 overtime loss on the coaches or the players; on the contrary, the veterans who remain on the field are playing with all their hearts and the new players are playing to the best of their abilities. Even the defensive penalties were not as damaging as they had been a week earlier in a similar overtime loss.

Should coach Mike McCarthy go back to the drawing board? Well, there probably is not enough chalk in the world to fix what is ailing his team this year; St. Vince Lombardi himself would likely not have been able to extricate the team from what the Grim Reaper of Injury has gleaned from the Packers this year.

From this point, though the Packers players will probably continue to give it their all, the expectations from the players who remain on the roster have to be different than the expectations one might have had for this team with a full roster.

And, yes, the Packers could win a lot of games this year, but that will only happen if some key players move back to the field, or there is dramatic improvement in the newbies, which is not the norm in the NFL.

Game ball: Grim Reaper of Injury

Packers Dreams Trashed by Washington (Just Like the Rest of Ours)

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 21:04:00 +0000

Thud! Crosby's 'game-winning' kick hits goal post (Fox Sports)

It's hard to write about the Packers when one's finger nails are chewed down to the knuckle.

Just like its hard to win a game when most of your players are injured and the rest cannot catch a pass.

The only thing larger than the number of Packers who were lost to injury against the Washington Redskins was the number of passes Green Bay receivers dropped, and the number of branches Nancy Pelosi hit on her way down when she fell out of the Ugly Tree.

The Packers themselves seem to have taken a tumble out of that same Ugly Tree because even though they played pretty solid defense, their passing game dwindled to nothing and the defensive pass interference penalties climbed like unemployment statistics under Obama.

I mean, can Green Bay defenders NOT hit pass receivers early? They got away with fistfuls of no-calls until karma finally caught up with them in the fourth quarter and let Donovan McNabb's Redskins stay alive long enough to get an overtime field goal for a come-from-behind win.

But this game was not won on the cast-iron toughness of the veteran McNabb, whom one should never underestimate or discount; it was lost in the second quarter when guys like Donald Driver and other Green Bay receivers were dropping passes like Democrats are dropping lies in pre-election campaigns. And you cannot score points when you drop the balls which would have given you first downs deep into Redskin territory.

And what took Dom Capers so long to use the student-body rush on McNabb? He waited until overtime to rush everybody which was forcing McNabb to throw the ball before he wanted to.

Perhaps it was that he ran out of defensive players. I am quite sure that a few Cheeseheads in the crowd were signed, suited up and thrown in there to replace the Packers who were falling like Obama's popularity numbers. But sadly, the defensive pass interference calls nullified the strong pass pressure.

Granted, the Washington Redskins hit like trains. It taxes the memory to recall a game where there were as many punishing hits as Redskin defenders were putting on the guys with the yellow helmets. It was, if nothing else, a brutal game. They might not have a running game, but the Redskins are tough.

And though the Packers dodged a bullet mid way through the fourth quarter when a Washington field goal went wide right, much like will happen in the same town on election day, they failed to capitalize and the Redskins came back and kicked another which was good. But in a late attempt to counter, Packer kicker Mason Crosby bounced the game-winner off the left goal post which sent the game into overtime.

Though the Packers did not play well enough to win, neither did the Redskins. It was a defensive slug-fest the whole way, but it should not have been. The Packer running game was alive and well, despite many who think that running back Brandon Jackson is not a prime-time player; Jackson's outstanding play should silence his critics, though it probably won't. This author believes that Jackson is capable of being an NFL feature back and always has. Jackson proved worthy today and was one of the only continuously-bright spots on the offensive side of the ball.

He and special teams player/backup fullback Korey Hall played with reckless abandon today, making key plays without penalties or mistakes. And though the Packers defense also played strong, it was most certainly the early contact with Redskin receivers committed by nearly all of those covering passes which nullified a generally good defensive effort, considering the injuries the Packers are playing with.

Of course, none of this would have mattered if the Packers would have pulled away in the second quarter when they had the chance. The game should have been put away then because Green Bay was playing well enough to put several more touchdowns on the scoreboard. But they didn't because they let ball after ball drop to the turf.

Fortunately, the NFC North is such a competitive division this year that all of the other teams will both win and lose more games; so the Packers, now with two losses, are certainly not out of the playoff hunt yet. But neither are they the elite team that many were calling them early on in the season. They are not an elite team; they are a good team that has to find ways to win with many key play makers out with injuries.

Yes, the Packers can still beat any team in the NFL, but they can also lose to good contenders.

This game was one that Green Bay should have won. Hopefully, with the incredible potential offensive talent they have at their disposal, they will learn to put teams away early. But the players need to live up to that potential.

Then guys like me who write about the Packers won't have to type with bloody knuckles.

Game ball: Brandon Jackson and Korey Hall.

Oh, Crap! Moss Back With Vikings?!

noreply@blogger.com (PackSmack) — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 19:25:00 +0000

Just when you thought it was safe to play the Minnesota Vikings again, they pull one out of their...hat, and re-sign Randy Moss!

Which, of course means that not only will he be playing against our Green Bay Packers again, but he won't have Daunte Culpepper throwing to him, he will have Brett Favre slinging the hash.

Crap! Crap! Crap!

This terrible combination is a very real threat to every team in the NFL because with Moss' abilities, the game was never over, there was always the real chance that his team could strike deep and fast. And with Favre's abilities, the game was never over because there was always the real chance that his team could strike deep and fast.

This is double de-ja-vu, of the night-marish variety. Favre AND Moss? Oh Crap!

And certainly the one quietly smiling the most in this disaster is none other than Brett Favre, who vocalized his strong desire for the Packers to trade for Moss back before Moss was traded to the Patriots. Of course his ideas were shot down my Ted What's-his-name.

But once again, Favre seems to have prevailed. He has got everything he wants. He wanted to play for the Vikings. He got it. He wanted to throw to Randy Moss. He got it. Let's hope that the Vikings perennial choke-factor keeps him from getting another Super Bowl.

So this ups the stakes in the increasingly-competitive NFC North division, which is appearing to be the strongest division in the NFC, though who might be the single strongest team remains a complete mystery...it could be any of them!

And with Moss now on the Vikings roster again, the only sure thing is that the plot thickens.

Packers Side-Step Charging Lions

noreply@blogger.com (RightHooks) — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 14:37:00 +0000

If your name was John Kuhn, and you were in uniform at Lambeau Field on Sunday, you were a very big man. For not only did John Kuhn carry most of the Detriot Lions defense on his back, as they tried to prevent him from getting big yards and first downs very late in the fourth quarter, but he also carried the Green Bay Packers on his shoulders into the W column.

Though the Packers handed off the Monkey, er, Gorilla of Penalties to the Lions, they still struggled in the second half against an unfamiliar animal; namely a ferocious, uncharacteristic Lions offense and defense, and were fortunate to sidestep a loss.

The Detroit Lions are no joke this year. The have played well all season and will win some football games this year. Surprisingly, they are talented enough to compete, and even defeat any of the strong NFC North teams and will surely get some kills on weaker non-conference teams.

Had not Aaron Rodgers engineered three incredible scoring strikes in the first half, this one might have gone to the visitors, who dominated the game in yardage and possession time. Green Bay barely had the ball in the second half and often did not do much with the opportunities with Rodgers throwing some rare picks. And though Brandon Jackson and the running game was not bad, it was not dominant until coach McCarthy put Kuhn in to carry the load on the Packers final drive, which ended up running out the clock to survive a 28-26 nail-biter.

Kuhn repeatedly pushed his way through the defensive line, picked up some linebackers on his back, and dragged a few safeties and defensive backs with his legs as he pounded out big gains in a crucial time in true power-football fashion.

His final, super-human contribution, saw him busting through Lion after Lion, getting near the critical first down marker and hurling himself over it for a fresh set of downs as the clock ticked below a minute left. (See photo above, by AP's Mike Roemer.)

Had he not got that first down, a battered Green Bay defense would have had to try to stop the charging Lions offense, which it was having trouble doing in the second half due to the Lions ingenious use of tight-end screens and running back screens which seemed to counter the relentless Packer linebacker-heavy pass rush. It seems like vaunted Packer defensive coordinator, Dom Capers met his match with the screens and wide-open running room for Detroit's quarterback who was the Lions leading rusher.

Give credit to the Lions game plan, and to a rebuilding effort that seems to be having some results. They are not to be taken lightly because they have a powerful defense and a very good offense.

And when Rodgers is not connecting with his receivers in Green Bay's deadly passing threat, but throwing interceptions, it keeps points off the scoreboard and puts all the pressure on the defense, which the Lions were easily countering.

Yes, this was the most competitive Packers-Lions game since Brett Favre was a new Packer, and Capers will have to craft a few more tricks and slide them up up his sleeve for the next meeting between the two teams.

And though guys like Donald Driver, Greg Jennings, Jermichael Finley and James Jones, and Donald Lee too, were all sure-handed, effective receivers who made critical plays on fantastic passes from Rodgers, mostly in the first half, Rodgers missed a few passes in the second half which fell into Detroit Lions arms instead of the intended receivers. Perhaps Rodgers was simply out of rhythm from spending so much time watching from the sidelines as the Lions put together 13 + play drives the entire second half.

Had not Kuhn carried the teams on his shoulders late in the fourth quarter to seal the game, there are few who would have placed a lot of money against the Lions being able to get down the field to kick a game-winning field goal, and the Packers would have suffered a crushing loss.

But instead, Kuhn solidified that Packer power football is here and is for real, adding an additional and critical dynamic to the Packers deadly offensive arsenal. Kudos to coach McCarthy for recognizing what tool needed to be wielded, and kudos to the offensive line which responded when the game was on the line and gave Kuhn some holes to run through.

And though we don't often dwell on Packer mistakes when the team wins, kick-returner Jordy Nelson, by all rights, should probably be forced to carry a football around with him 24/7 this week to cure him from his extremely devastating case of fumble-itis which alone nearly lost the game for us.

And the special teams in general is on life-support and continues to need immediate improvement for this good, but not great football team to expect to contend or even make the playoffs.

No question, we dodged a bullet. But we won.

Game ball: John Kuhn

Packers Drop the Ball; Pummelled by Cyclone of Flags

noreply@blogger.com (RightHooks) — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 17:16:00 +0000

The Green Bay Packers were no match for themselves Monday night at Soldier Field against the hated Chicago Bears. Neither were they prepared for the torrential downpour.

No, it wasn't typical crappy Chicago weather that was too much for the Packers, nor was it the Bears; it was the hailstorm of yellow penalty flags that paralyzed Green Bay, allowing the Bears to stick around and then eek out a win. There were more flags flying than pork-spending in Obama's 'Stimulus' bill. And, speaking of stimulus, flags were dropping faster than former Bears player and coach, Mike Ditka, could swallow Viagra tablets.

Rumor has it the penalty-blizzard was so bad that during the fourth quarter referees had to get replacement yellow flags because theirs were worn out from so much use. Other reports say that after the game, three or four members of the exhausted officiating team were seen with ice-bags strapped to their throwing shoulders, much like legendary heater-thrower Randy Johnson after nine innings.

And, in one case, as he was being loaded into an ambulance, one sedated referee said, on the condition of anonymity, "I am sure that I threw that flag at least three-hundred times tonight. I wore out my right arm and really hoped that the Packers would stop with their stupid mistakes; but they didn't. So I had to start throwing with my left arm and wore that one out as well. I will probably need surgery on both limbs and my season is likely over." That referee's wife and family were surrounding him, and though breaking out in tears, remained hopeful that things would turn out alright.

There were other very, very strange reports surrounding this contest. Early indications suggest that the grave site of legendary Green Bay coach Vince Lombardi experienced some highly unusual movement. Caretakers at the cemetery say they are quite certain that somehow, Lombardi's casket was doing somersaults underground and there was loud yelling coming from the area, the source of which has not been identified.

Meanwhile, and just as strangely, witnesses at the cemetery where Chicago Bears' notorious coach George Halas is interred swear that they saw a skeleton-ized fist push up through the ground somewhere around eleven o'clock p.m., which curiously is about the same time the Packers-Bears game ended. The fist, they say, pumped several times, and then signaled a five and a four before slipping back underground. (Of course number 54 for the Bears is Brian Urlacher, the formidable linebacker who stripped the ball from a Packer receiver late in the game setting up the Bears winning score.) The Atlantic Paranormal Society (TAPS), also known as television's 'Ghost Hunters' have been called to investigate both abnormalities.

As for the Packers, it seemed that there was some kind of contest among the players themselves to see not only who could get the most penalties, but who could get the stupidest.

Woodson had good defensive holding penalty. Chad Clifton had a nice false start call. Mark Tauscher must have thought he was Elvis the way he kept rocking on his heels instead of staying in his three-point stance. (Sure Chicago Bear defensive end Julius Pepper can get inside a lineman's head if the lineman lets him, but getting into EVERY lineman's head is quite an accomplishment.)

The defensive backfield, apparently trying hard to out-do the offensive line late in the game, attempted to get a penalty-per play. They nearly succeeded; and gave Cutler and the Bears game-winning field position with their pass interference wizardry. Rookies defensive backs who don't even have names yet were able to contribute to the flag-fest.

But the best penalty of the night went to Frank Zumbo who gave the Bears cry-baby quarterback, Jay Cutler a shot to the head which nullified a key Green Bay interception and seemed to have changed the momentum of the game.

But rather than beat on Zumbo, who is a pretty good player, let's talk about Cutler. This clown is the biggest four-year old ever to play in the NFL. He whines, pouts and sulks the whole game.

Clay Matthews, instead of grabbing the boy's face mask and giving the Bears a first down, should have driven Cutler's helmet, Eagle-style, into the turf. Perhaps a concussion would wipe that gloomy, owly expression off of Cutler's face.

The only difference between Cutler and the Bears' former drunk quarterback, Kyle Orton, is that Orton's face looked that way because he was hung over on game day.

Oh, and Cutler doesn't puke on the field like Orton.

No, Cutler drools.

And the Chicago Bears SUCK!

Green Bay Buffaloes the Bills

noreply@blogger.com (RightHooks) — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 23:46:00 +0000

The Green Bay Packers fell asleep in the second quarter of the game against the Bills on Sunday. Resting on a 13-0 lead, the Packers' napped while Buffalo pushed the football up the field in several impressive drives, closing the score to 13-7 and holding the Packers to zero first downs in that quarter.

But it was not the Packers who were dreaming; it was the Bills.

For in the second half, after perhaps a colorful 'No-Doh's!' speach by coach Mike McCarthy, the Packers showed up awake and turned their game from Lambeau Sleeps to Lambeau Leaps, scoring a bevy of touchdowns in dominant fashion. Quarterback Aaron Rodgers almost ran out of receivers to throw scoring passes to and even attempted a Lambeau Leap of his own (the results of that? Well, let's just say that Rodgers has a better arm than he has hops...)

But it was not only the offense that was buffaloing the Bills, the defense had also awakened. Led by the relentless, reckless and ravaging play of Green Bay's linebackers, the Bills offense didn't know which way was up. They also might have thought that Green Bay's Clay Matthews was a member of the Bills own backfield, because he was spending so much time there.

Matthews, the second year phenom off to a blazing start, was credited with three incredible quarterback sacks, which gives him a total of six, and we are only two games in to the season. But his fellow backers were also extremely effective, with AJ Hawk not only in the game, but also in on almost every tackle, Nick Barnett playing like he had the Bills playbook memorized, and even Brandon Chillar playing solid and coming up with a key interception, which shifted the momentum of the entire game.

And despite missing running back Ryan Grant, who is out for the year, McCarthy's superb use of running back Brandon Jackson and the Fullbacks (which has sort of a 60's - band ring to it, don't you think?) pounded out yards effectively. While not exactly making Packer fans say, 'Ryan Who?' it was nice to see that there is no need to panic with Grant out.

For Jackson is a totally capable high-level running back, able to handle all the duties of his position. And defenses had better start preparing for the Packers' power game, because the fullbacks do bring brute force up the middle back into the NFL, where it has been missing for quite some time. So the running game remains in good shape.

The receiving game also is in good shape; or would a better term be: the receiving corps is in better shape than a Hugh Hefner roommate?

For not only do Driver, Jennings and Jones make up one of the best receiving cadre in the NFL, nobody has even figured out what created species to put out there to guard the Packers tight end, Jermichael Finley, who himself may not even be human. So dominant is he, that rumors have it that Lee Majors, i.e. The Bionic Man, and Arnold Schwarz-the-Governator, i.e. The Terminator are suing Finley for violating their patents and using some of their cyborg body parts.

At 6'5" and 245 lbs., along with great hands and speed, Finley brings another dimension to the Packer's dynamic and deadly offense; and one which nobody seems to have an answer for.

So with three quarters of good football, good special teams and impressive play (minus that second quarter), the Packers played some nice football, and thoroughly buffaloed the Bills.

Game ball: Clay Barn-illar-hawk.

Packers Pluck Eagles; No Rust on Vick

noreply@blogger.com (RightHooks) — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 06:03:00 +0000

One has to wonder what in the world Philadelphia Eagles' coach Andy Reid was thinking by starting someone who's name is Kevin Kolb at quarterback when a phenomenon named Michael Vick is standing on the sideline, holding a helmet.

During the first half, when Kolb was trying his luck at moving the Eagles into the teeth of the Green Bay defense, he demonstrated what a non-phenomenon he is. The only thing he did for the Eagles was to let the Packer's Clay Matthews catch him from behind so that Matthews could slam his face deep into the dirt beneath the grass for him, giving Kolb a game-ending concussion. That, of course, meant that Michael Vick would take the helm in the second half. More on that in a moment...

But still in the brutal first half, Kolb was not the only Eagle to bite the dust; the Eagles bodies were falling like Democratic Congressmen this coming November. A total of four Eagles left the game with injuries, as did Packers running back, Ryan Grant.

Meanwhile, the Green Bay Packers were putting up more points than Larry King has wives; and, it turns out, they would need them all because Michael Vick was about to launch his second career.

Now I have never been a Michael Vick-hater. I think that he manned up and did his time for his crimes and deserves a second chance like we all do. What boggles my mind is why, even last year, Coach Reid played Donavon McRedskin ahead of Vick.

Because when Vick was finally given his redemptive opportunity today, he made it very apparent that any prison rust he might have been carrying around with him has all been chipped away. And though I believe that the Packers can hang with an Eagle team with Vick, he certainly did present some containment problems for the Packers defense because of his predictable unpredictability.

With legs, moves and speed reminiscent of Detroit's Barry Sanders, Vick led the Eagles from a deep deficit and made a game out of it. (Please note, that though Vick resembles aspects of Barry Sanders, it is Sanders alone who is the only NFL player who actually could be two places at one time - here and there, simultaneously.)

It took yet another tough and heroic play by the Packers Clay Matthews to put an end to the Eagles final charge when he stopped Vick short of a first down late in the fourth quarter.

For Matthews, he picked up right where he left off last year as did The Cat, Charles Woodson, who forced a fumble and played predatory defense, as he always does.

Also looking good for Green Bay was Jordy Nelson with his three long kickoff returns, either making Green Bay's weak pre-season special teams play look like a fluke, or solidifying a role for himself for the rest of the season.

Quarterback Aaron Rodgers played pretty solid football after a slow start, but did throw two rare interceptions. Full back Kuhn brought the smash into Philadelphia's mouth with some impressive runs, and the rest of the offense did a pretty nice job.

So for the first outing of the season, Green Bay had more positives than negatives, played pretty good football, made some good big plays, and did not have to face Michael Vick for both halves.

It was a good win against an always-good Philadelphia Eagles team.

Game ball: Clay Matthews.

Results of Packers-Chiefs Game: The Bears Still Suck! and The Three Major Reasons Why

noreply@blogger.com (RightHooks) — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 16:41:00 +0000

Photo by John Sleezer

Realistically, the Packers final preseason game against Kansas City was simply, "Let's see who isn't going to get injured," and "Let's see who is going to get cut."

So we had key starters not even playing, up-and-comers getting their chance, and those on the bubble trying to get one last chance to convince the coach to keep them on the roster. In kick-returner Cherry's case, I don't think the coaches were convinced. In running back Lumpkin's case, he might have done enough to save his skin, depending on how the Packers want their backfield aligned.

But all those decisions are the ones that coach McCarthy and all the other NFL coaches are making at this moment; though choices that can change lives and teams.

And besides these types of decisions, there were really few other revelations to arise out of the Packers-Chiefs game except this: The Bears Still Suck!

Yes, we know the Packers will be pretty good this year, or even very good; and there is the chance that they might be great. We don't really care about the Kansas City Chiefs, where they are at or how they actually thought they looked against the Packers. Cheeseheads don't care and say to the Chiefs, 'You had your chance in Super Bowl I and we cleaned up on you, so whatever.'

Which leaves the only telling result from this game, namely the extreme suckiness of the Chicago Bears.

For those who do not know, the Bears have sucked since they were mere Cub-glints in George Halas' eyes. In fact one of the three main contributing factors as to why the Bears do suck, the fact that George Halas himself sucked, is one reason why the Bears were doomed to suck forever from the very beginning. (May the reader please note, though there are three Major reasons why the Bears suck, there are thousands or even millions of less-than-major reasons which contribute to why the Bears suck. Such reasons cannot be called Minor, because nothing that makes you suck is minor, hence they are referred to as less-than-major.)

Yes George Halas sucked. Out of respect for his family we will concede that since his passing, he no longer sucks. But while he was here, the old goat sucked heavily.

He did underhanded and unethical things to the Packers, which then forced Cheeseheads to retaliate. One such story of Cheeseheads being forced to get even is when the Bears would come to town, a rag-tag team of Cheesehead 'musicians,' posing as a band, or perhaps even the actual City Band, would stand outside the motel where the Bears players (all of whom sucked) were staying and play all night long. (Rumors have it that alchohol was involved.)

Of course, very few Bears were able to get much sleep during those times, but since they sucked, it doesn't matter.

A second Major reason why the Bears suck is that they are from Chicago. As mentioned in an earlier article on this blog, it is common knowledge that everyone from Chicago sucks. Yes, everyone.

Bill Ayers sucks. Mayor(s) Daley all suck. All the Chicago old-time gangsters suck. The Chicago Cubs suck. Oprah sucks. Former Governor Blagovich sucks, but not nearly as much as Barack Obama, the sucking-est moron to ever come from Chicago. But all Chicago people suck. You know it as soon as you meet anyone from Chicago. They are loud. They are arrogant. They have the stupidest accent on the planet. They try to talk tough. They pretend like Chicago is the center of the universe (in which case they are correct if they are speaking of the Sucking quadrant of the universe.)

They talk down to you, as if there is some imaginary ladder in the world and they are several rungs higher up on it than you are. They think they are always right and that there can be no other opinion or reality than the fantasy that exists between their hairy brains.

They are always out to work you, to gain something, to use you for their benefit, to manipulate, to scheme, to con, to work the system or work under the system to gain any advantage.

In other words, Chicago people suck!

The third and final Major reason why the Bears suck is that there exists a Cosmic Vortex of Suck right there at Soldier Field in Chicago. Nobody knows when, why or how it got there, but all scientists know about its existence (except Al Gore's scientists, all of whom simply know how to finger-paint, eat animal crackers, and count to four.)

Where this Cosmic Vortex of Suck originates or leads to remains somewhat of a mystery, but there is some advanced speculation that it originates in Heaven's sewage plant and ends up in a Black Hole somewhere out there by Alpha Centauri. And, it is the fate of all Chicago Bears to end up there. Because of this fact, some scientists are considering renaming 'Black Holes' to 'Bear Holes,' but such efforts are in their early stages.

So with these three Major factors as evidence, every Cheesehead will be confident of one thing in the 2010-2011 NFL season, that the Chicago Bears Will Still Suck.

Solid Packers Send Colts Seeking Greener Pastures Elsewhere

noreply@blogger.com (RightHooks) — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 19:33:00 +0000

AP Photo / Jeffrey Phelps

Peyton Manning had a lot of answers for the referees who were messing up his mojo on Friday, but he had no answers for the Green Bay Packers. Neither did the Indianapolis Colts' defense.

In most every aspect of the game at Green Bay, the dominant Packers made Lambeau Field a No-Grazing Zone for Manning's powerhouse Colts.

Though each team had early mistakes which gave up easy points, the Packer defense flexed for the first time this year, and in a solid performance, kicked the Colts right in the teeth. Perhaps Packer defensive coordinator Dom Capers decided it was time to reach into his bag of tricks, finally, because this defensive performance bore no resemblance to the previous two anemic Packer pre-season outings.

Not only did the Packers stop Manning, the Colts running game, and might have even stoled the Colts Gatorade, but they physically beat them up in the process.

So shaken was Manning that he even showed up in the third quarter when all the Packers starters were on the sidelines to try to get something right. But the officials awarded Manning with yet another illegal snap penalty and an aggressive second-string Packers' linebacker Zombo obliged Manning by forcing him to fumble, sending him out to pasture in disgrace. Big kudos to the Green Bay Packers defense, who made skeptics into believers on Friday.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the ball, Air Rodgers and his Wonderboys got more air time than Obama excuse-makers, putting on a performance that has to be making defensive coaches around the league begin to lose sleep. Driver, Finley, Jones, and a whole host of no-name stud Packer receivers, too many to remember, were getting more passes than Pam Anderson on the beach.

Rodgers' precision passes, courage in the pocket and ability to make plays with his legs make it hard to not compare him to Steve Young and that entire situation from the 49ers a decade ago. He is looking like a great young quarterback and might have the best receiver corp in the NFL. At the very least, they represent a formidable and dangerous Air Attack.

But another extremely pleasing aspect of the 2010-2011 Packers is their use and depth of the fullback. With almost as many fullbacks on the roster as Communists in the White House, Coach McCarthy is bringing the old smash-mouth position back into vogue in beautiful fashion. AND he is doing the same thing with his cadre of tight ends. And the fullback-tight end configuration brings immeasurable power potential that adds a unique and additional weapon in the Packers toolbox. For what defense can stop a Smash-Mouth attack AND Rodgers Air Force? This author is beginning to believe.

And that was all just in the first half.

The second half watched all kinds of Packers, on offense, defense and special teams look like world-beaters, even though many of them will be roster casualties in a few short weeks.

Matt Flynn looked like a veteran quarterback. Even the Packers third string quarterback, who doesn't even have a name, looked like a seasoned pro.

And it goes on and on. Players with no names and perhaps no future with the Packers were flying all over the field making more plays than Woody Allen.

This was one exciting game for the Green Bay Packers. It was a break-out game in an important test against the storied Colts. And the Green Bay Packers finally demonstrated what some believed, but many were waiting to see: they are one heck of a team this year and will be a team to beat in the NFC.

As for the Colts, they were rode hard, put up wet and left cold and hungry, for they didn't get even a nibble of Lambeau's greenest grass, except for the myriad of face-plants compliments of a hard-hitting Green Bay defense.

Player of the game: Every Packer in Uniform. Special recognition to Donald Driver for that Million-Dollar Smile!