Q: What’s Chicago like, Jamaica?

A: [...]]]>

You, dear reader, must of course be familiar with Amber’s wanderlust. She’s been to (and lived in) an absolutely disgusting number of places, places that take on only the most movie-cliched cartoonish appearance in my daydreams, with a few unlikely details added, courtesy of my strange imagination.

Q: What’s Chicago like, Jamaica?

A: Everything has a silvery-gray tint to it, and everybody stays inside except for one attractive couple, who may or may not be Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston circa 2006, walking everywhere montage-style, holding hands and smiling at each other without speaking. The montage soundtrack is just the sound of wind.

Ok, so I know nothing about Chicago, but that’s not to say I haven’t traveled at all. I’ve been to some choice North American locales: New York, New Orleans, Miami, Vancouver, Puerto Penasco in Mexico, and pretty much everywhere in California…I even made it to London a few years ago. But apart from a few trips to Los Angeles, I haven’t gone ANYWHERE in the last two years. Which is why, friends, I am beyond excited to join Amber, her man and her man’s main man for a long anticipated cross country voyage from North Carolina to LA next month!

Q: What do you mean “voyage”, Jamaica? Do you actually think there is a body of water that stretches across the states? I know you haven’t been to the middle of the country, but I can assure you that it is indeed made of land. You did make it through grade school, didn’t you?

A: Don’t get haughty, get yacht-y! Our vehicle of choice is a transformed 70′s taco truck that has been formally christened “The Taco Yacht”. See below:

Besides the obvious value the paint job lends, I especially like the crown detail over the door (actually a rock-climbing practice implement), and how the front end has the profile of Mickey Rourke. And notice how little space it takes up in a normal parking spot? Can you say cozy? I also think I spy a ladder up the back for easy roof access (that’s what she said…?), so I imagine many a Midwestern sunset viewing in my immediate future.

Q: Immediate, huh?

A: Well, we embark June 6th after meeting at the Phoenix airport. At the bar, of course.

Q: So this is a fashion blog, right? Aren’t you going to ramble on about what you’re bringing with you, or…?

A: I’ve already set aside most of my intended wardrobe, since I’m moving out of my house and into, well, I don’t know yet. I’m winging it this summer.

Q: That sounds very irresponsible.

A: That wasn’t even a question. Look, I’ve got it all under control, okay?

Q: You answered my statement with a question.

A: That wasn’t a question either! We’re getting off-topic. Where were we? Wardrobe!

As you all know, I’ve been extremely fond of chiffon lately. Chiffond? So first I’ll be packing several breezy tanks. This will be great for variety because I can easily change my look by putting on a different undergarment! You don’t get sick of looking through a car window, do you? Sure, the glass is always there, but the scenery changes! In this scenario, if my shirt is the glass and the scenery is my bra, then my skin underneath must be the universe as a spinning cd encompassing everyone’s beliefs and making them all true or whatever that skeezy mustachioed dude at the bar a couple of weeks ago was saying to try and impress me at the cost of his own profundity.

Q: Who’s off-topic now?

A: I apologize. I promise to post my packing list when departure is imminent, but for now I still have a rather daydreamy vision of the trip ahead. It normally would be as vague and absurd as my Chicago fantasy, but thanks to the internet, we’ve been able to research such roadside attractions as the impossibly racist sounding Pedroland Park and the fancy astroturf and pvc pipe detailing at Spencer’s Hot Springs, along with various state parks, weird shrines, and OMG SO MUCH THRIFTING.

Think of it as the sequel to the Painfully Hip Road Trip:

PHRT2: Return to the Revenge of the Mysterious Curse of Thriftown USA

You read that right. More plot twists than I have conversations with myself.

Q: What are you implying?

A: Hush.

There are several different species of exotic parrots that have been flying wildly and loudly around greater Los Angeles since the ’80s. Today I was squinting up at them when I realized we were wearing the same thing. Plumage.

Bill Cunningham, the New York Times’ street wear photographer (my favorite fashion [...]]]>

There are several different species of exotic parrots that have been flying wildly and loudly around greater Los Angeles since the ’80s. Today I was squinting up at them when I realized we were wearing the same thing. Plumage.

Bill Cunningham, the New York Times’ street wear photographer (my favorite fashion personality EVER – I would gladly insult several kittens if he would only be my grampa for a day) once said,

“It’s always the hope that you’ll see some marvelous exotic bird of paradise, meaning a very elegant stunning woman or someone wearing something terrific… The wider world perceives fashion sometimes as a frivolity that should be done away with in the face of social upheavals and problems that are enormous. The point is, in fact, that it’s the armor to survive the reality of everyday life. To do away with it would be like doing away with civilization.”

I love the clean canvas white provides for accessories and colorblocking, but sometimes I want the beautiful simplicity of white to be the decoration. Like (for all intents and purposes) my hair, and this little filigree sweater. White/navy striped espadrilles for the sake of sweet, sweet Nautica. This sheer pleated skirt stands out-loudly from its pale canvas of white crochet and winter legs.

The more I settle into my relatively newfound confidence, the less I care about things like following trends (well white is, almost always, a spring trend), and well, getting flattering haircuts. With this self-inflicted hairdo, I’ve actively embraced the humorously bulbous shape of my head and the freckled paleness of my skin. In a small way, to embrace white is to embrace your body for what it is: a canvas.

All clothing and shoes from:

Disclosure: Bloggers received a gift card on behalf of Kohl’s via Glam Media to complete the trend look. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of Kohl’s. All trademarks and service marks are owned or licensed by Kohl’s Illinois, Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Kohl’s Department Stores, Inc.

Whispery caresses of late spring breezes and glimpses of maybe-I-wanted-you-to-see-my-lingerie or maybe-I’m-innocently-oblivious gauziness have me feeling carefree and roadtrip-ready (more on that later). This is a fabric of slow glances, of underwater grace, of all those chillwave bands from 2010 that you still listen to [...]]]>

CHIFFON! I cannot get enough of you.

Whispery caresses of late spring breezes and glimpses of maybe-I-wanted-you-to-see-my-lingerie or maybe-I’m-innocently-oblivious gauziness have me feeling carefree and roadtrip-ready (more on that later). This is a fabric of slow glances, of underwater grace, of all those chillwave bands from 2010 that you still listen to constantly.

Chiffon has been too long typecast as sexy sleepwear, curtain panels, and over-layers on formal dresses. Sure, it works well in those mediums, but chiffon deserves a chance to really prove itself. Just think: what if Adam Sandler had never made Punch-Drunk Love? What if Arnold Schwarzenegger had never made Twins? This is bigger than you and me. This is about breaking out of your mold! Achieving your potential! Its time to let your true colors shine through, literally. And while you’re at it, why not let that gorgeous bralette you only wear on third dates see the light of day?

Example:

My current chiffascination began early this spring as Tucson began to heat up. The temperature hit 100 degrees in April and there was nowhere to go but inside. Of course, the only way to combat an onslaught of sun rays is to wear as little as possible, but when your work inexplicably has a deadly no air conditioning/no sleeveless shirts rule combo, what’s a girl to do? Why, take advantage of a certain dresscode loophole that fails to specify that sheer clothing may not be food-service apropos, of course!

In the way that California’s outlaw of cellphone car conversations overlooked the act of texting for six months and resulted in overly-distracted drivers, my employer’s overlooking of sheer fabrics has resulted in overly-distracted customers. Imagine a gaggle of twenty-something cashiers clad more or less like this:

And then imagine a clientele of lecherous older men with a false sense of entitlement. Endless adventures in objectification! (You can keep your “maybe you should stop dressing like that” comments to yourself, boys, lest you sound rapey. Sweat stains on t-shirts don’t make for great tips.)

But I digress.

CHIFFON! O, fabric of the heavens! Cover me (kind of) with your gossamer mist!
How to wear? Take a hint from Gucci and pair a chiffon maxi skirt with super short shorts:

Or do as I do and dress down long chiffon blouses with denim cut-offs and sandals.
Either way, a windswept prairie or beach makes a great backdrop, but doesn’t it always?


(photos via fashiongonerogue)

Hello, summer. We’ve missed you.

As I calmly began filing through the racks at Kohl’s, I was not expecting to end up with a huge armful of Jennifer Lopez and Lauren Conrad, yet there I was. When mine eyes received the glory of this deep purple pleated chiffon column dress, an involuntarily breathy “YESSSssss…” escaped my lips. [...]]]>

As I calmly began filing through the racks at Kohl’s, I was not expecting to end up with a huge armful of Jennifer Lopez and Lauren Conrad, yet there I was. When mine eyes received the glory of this deep purple pleated chiffon column dress, an involuntarily breathy “YESSSssss…” escaped my lips. I pined for her so hard, I referred to her with gender-specific pronouns and declared, Welcome, to my closet, new friend, welcome. We re going straight to the beach so we can have ourselves a Little House on the Prairie moment with the wind.

Now if you’re going to go bold, you might as well boldly go all the way, so I decided to go Full Seventies on this dress. On go a pair of studded vintage candy apple platforms, a cropped leather jacket and some gold chains, complete with a Neverending Story-worthy sapphire pendant.

It is fancy, it is long, but I imagine I ll be wearing this confection wherever the heck I feel like. It could be easily mistaken for red carpet fare when worn with pretty much any heel. But you could also rock it with flat sandals for shopping or beltless on the beach. Bright colors are an absolute must this spring (see my editorial inside Reinventing Beauty Magazine, available at all major drugstores). This dress was designed by Lauren Conrad, regularly priced at $75. But I found it on sale for $50! You better believe I’m pulling this off the hanger every chance I get. Shoes and necklace are from Barrio Vintage, Honolulu.

Disclosure: Bloggers received a gift card on behalf of Kohl’s via Glam Media to complete the trend look. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of Kohl’s. All trademarks and service marks are owned or licensed by Kohl’s Illinois, Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Kohl’s Department Stores, Inc.