Journey to a Healthier Me

Keeping it Real

2012-01-22T22:22:00.001-05:00

Hello all my faithful readers!

I know that lately I've been a very bad blogger. In fact, for the past 6 months or so, it's been very hit or miss with blog posts. It's not because I don't love you. Really. I love you all a bunch! I can't express to you how much my WLS family has meant to me during these past 5.5 years that I've been keeping this blog going. You're amazing!

But its time for me to be real and honest with myself and what I'm capable of with my limited time. Things are crazy busy for me -- more so than normal. I don't want to feel guilt for neglecting this blog, so I'm going to take a step back for now and try to focus on what is most pressing in my life. Just a few things going on right now:

New Job -- I'm just starting my second week of my new job!! Yeah me!! Right after my surgery I decided to go back to school and finish my degree. In September I graduated with an Associate's Degree in graphic communication which then opened up an opportunity for me at work to pursue my dream and become a Graphic Artist. I'm thrilled with the new promotion but I've also been thrown into the deep end of the ocean with a huge project to get me started.
New Business -- Just about the time I was graduating from college, an opportunity fell into my lap to join forces with three other amazing graphic designers. Together we formed a design agency called FourEffect and business is booming! We're so excited to be working together and amazed at the awesome things God is doing to help us grow our business so quickly. I'm still working my day job (we WLS folks need insurance, right?!) and putting in around 30 hours a week on client work. But two of the partners are working the business full time already and the third is making plans to transition later this year. So things are going well and I'm excited to see what is in store for us.
WLS Community -- I'm still active in my local WLS community. I continue to lead the Bay City WLS Support Group and attend two other support meetings each month. My local friends all have my email and phone number and know how to find me. My online friends can hit me up on email or FB. You may not see me online at ObesityHelp.com much anymore, but I'm still around online. Yes, I even visit Facebook once in a while. (And we all know I spend way too much time on Pinterest.)
The Book -- I haven't forgotten about my promise to publish my book. Right now I'm a whole year behind schedule based on my original plan. But I still want to finish it. Remember that huge project I mentioned up there with the new job? After that's done, the book is next on my list. Yes, for real!
Back to School -- I want to continue my schooling. I probably won't go to school for another 3 years to get my Bachelor's Degree in design like I thought a year ago, but there are definitely some classes I want to take - particularly classes in marketing and business and advanced design work to help with the new business venture. That will start again with the Spring term.
House Hunting -- For the past 10 years I have endured a 150-mile round trip commute to work. That's nearly 3 hours a day on the road. Do the math. It's crazy! (380,000 miles and what amounts to nearly 1 full year on the road). It's time to move! So come spring, I'm going to do some serious house shopping. Not sure how I'm going to pull that off and sell my current house and all that goes with it... but it's my goal.

So it's time to take a break from this blog. I know. I know. I'm sad too.

I'm too buried with stuff these days and I don't think it's fair to you to just leave you hanging like this. But it's not like I'm leaving forever and moving to Mars. I'll still be here. And you know me... if I have something pressing to say or to share with you, you'll hear from me! There WILL be occasional posts and I will definitely let you know when the book is done and on the market.

I just want to be fair to you all, my faithful readers. There's nothing that I hate more than an abandoned blog, so I'm trying to avoid that scenario. Everything here will still be here and once in a while I'll be back with something brilliant (ha!) to say. So don't unsubscribe from the email list and don't remove me from your RSS feed and don't delete the bookmarks.... I'm still here, just not "here" here.

Love you all!

~Pam

New Crock Pot Love

2011-12-27T15:27:00.000-05:00

Guess what I got for Christmas from my brother and sister-in-law? Yep, a new Crock Pot! And I love it!

To the casual Pam observer there may be questions about why I'd need yet another slow cooker. After all, I've already got four slow cookers and use them all regularly. So one would think I'd be disappointed in this gift choice, right? Nope. Not at all! In fact, I've been wanting this particular model for a while now and I'm really glad someone bought it for me.

My daily schedule is pretty crazy. I leave my house around 7:00 a.m. and don't get home until about 12 hours later. So setting a normal slow cooker to cook for 12 hours could be a very bad thing and I'd end up with some overcooked, mushy food. Which means the only time I ever use my Crock Pots are when I'm actually home on the weekends.

This particular model is programmable. I can set the heat to begin hours after I add the ingredients (this would work well if I start with frozen food). Or I can set it to cook straight through and then when the time is expired, it will automatically switch to "warm." So now I can cook during the week and not worry about burning the place down while I'm gone. So excited!

Here's what I got:

So you know what this means, right? It means that YOU will be blessed with some delicious slow cooker recipes very soon. The first one I'm going to try is Beef Barley Mushroom Stew. I bought all the ingredients yesterday and will be putting it together for tomorrow's dinner. Let's see how that turns out and I'll share the recipe soon.

~Pam

The No-Sweets Holiday Eating Strategy

2011-12-22T12:50:00.000-05:00

We all know that the Christmas season often equals Christmas Cookies! Last year at this time I was knee deep in baking cookies for a charity cookie walk fundraiser - and don't forget the adorable snowman cookies for a cookie exchange. It's been three years since I made my all-time favorite variety of Christmas cookies - Creme Sandwich Cookies - that my grandmother would always make when I was a little girl. Yep, lots of cookie action going on in past years for me.

But this year I have a "No Sweets Holiday Eating Strategy!"

The strategy is simple. Don't eat sweets! Don't make sweets. Don't buy sweets. Don't hang out near sweets. Ok... well, it's not exactly that cut-and-dried. I'm allowed to have some sweets, but only at certain times.

At our WLS Support Group meeting in November, I made the commitment that I would not eat any holiday sweets (from Thanksgiving through New Year) unless I was at a party or family gathering. In fact, several of us made that same commitment. And so far it's worked out really well. There have been a few instances where I've indulged and not been at a "party" -- but at least there isn't anything in my house this year.

I have not done any Christmas baking at all. And whenever I attended a party where a dish-to-pass was required, I would make something healthy like a meat and cheese tray or a crock pot of meatballs or a veggie salad. None of the gifts I've given have been food-based either. The only special request I've received is from my Grandma Brown who wants a batch of my peanut brittle (which I'll make for her after New Year and pack up the entire batch for only her).

What's interesting is that even when I'm at a party or family gathering and I know I'm allowed to have some sweet treats.... I don't over indulge. In fact, my taste tolerance for ultra sweet stuff is pretty low lately. I have a very high tolerance for sugar and I don't dump, so its not that type of tolerance I'm talking about... it's the actual taste of anything that's too sweet that I don't seem to like much anymore.

It has been refreshing to not be obsessed over sweets and junk food! Remember when I'd rant every year about over indulging? In fact... remember the year when I got out of bed at midnight with a cookie craving and threw everything into the trash? If the rest of the holiday season goes as good as it has until now, I won't be faced with that again this year.

Prayer and meditation has helped too. I asked for strength in resisting temptation and for help with some of my impulsive tendencies. Its nice to know that Someone's got your back when you're faced with a cube of peanut butter fudge, ya know!

~Pam

Peanut Butter Chocolate Fudge Pie

2011-12-05T20:58:00.000-05:00

At tonight's support group meeting my dear friend Ruthann brought her now-famous Peanut Butter Chocolate Fudge Pie. Even though she originally got the recipe from me and this blog, I'm officially calling it Ruthann's. Why? Because she makes it for lots of different WLS potluck gatherings and people even ask her to make it (yes Mike, I'm looking at you!).

But I realized tonight that the recipe isn't actually featured in an individual blog post here on this site. The recipe is buried on page 143 of the "Protein Book" that's been downloadable here for the past few years. Yep - that's the book that started it all back in 2009 and will soon be transformed into my newly published book (yes, it's still coming!). So without further ado, I'm passing along this delicious recipe for all to try.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Fudge Pie

Crust Ingredients:
2 eggs
2 cups Splenda
2 cups peanut butter

Other Ingredients:
1 box sugar-free, fat-free Chocolate Fudge Pudding mix (prepare according to directions on box)
Chocolate Protein Powder - optional
Sugar Free Cool Whip

Make the crust first and press the mixture into a baking dish (9x13 pan works great here) and bake for 8-10 minutes (watching it closely so it doesn’t burn) at 350 degrees. Let this cool.

Mix up your pudding. I typically add a scoop or two of chocolate protein powder to boost the protein content overall, but this is optional. Fill cooled crust shell with the pudding mixture. You can also add some additional peanut butter to the pudding mixture if you would like it to be even richer. Refrigerate. Top with SF Cool Whip before serving. Enjoy!

COOKIES TOO! For those who aren't familiar with no-flour peanut butter cookies, check out the ingredient list for the crust. Cut that recipe in half, add a tablespoon of vanilla and Bam! you have peanut butter cookies! Just roll into balls, press with fork and bake for 8 minutes or until just set.

4 Year Anniversary

2011-11-13T09:59:00.000-05:00

Today is November 13th -- exactly four years since my weight loss surgery. How time flies!

What I have found interesting in the past year is that life is just moving along and I'm not as focused on WLS as I was in the beginning. Right after you have surgery you think that your entire life is going to revolve around this new lifestyle and all the changes in eating and moving and the mental work ... but then one day you wake up and realize that you're just living your life and WLS isn't the first thing on your mind every day.

As my faithful readers have probably noticed in the past several months - my blog posts aren't always about WLS. It's about food I'm eating or favorite recipes I've invented or just what's happening in my life. But that's okay with me. I like where my life is right now and I'm glad that WLS isn't at the front of every thought I have.

Today I'm actually at a conference and sneaking in a post between sessions so I'll write some more another day. In a few weeks I have a day of doctor appointments lined up for my annual check up and having all my annual lab work drawn. After those appointments would be a good time for a full blown update on my 4 year anniversary, so look for that early next month.

But just a quick overview of my stats:

Weight - I'm still maintaining my initial weight loss of just over 100 pounds. I started at 299lbs and now maintain a constant weight of about 193 to 199. As always my crazy body doesn't let me lose anything more and I don't seem to gain if I'm misbehaving. I'm not normal. I've come to accept that fate. Even though I would love to lose another 40 pounds, I have come to accept that this is the weight my body wants to be.

Eating - It's all routine these days. I don't track my calories regularly but I still have a good sense of the amount I eat (about 1200-1400 calories/day).

Exercise - I probably need to move more and get away from the computer more often. I get most of my exercise from daily activity rather than focused workout times. But in wearing my GoWearFit, I know how many calories I burn and I eat below that that level.

Vitamins - I should do better in getting every one of my vitamin doses in throughout the day. My biggest problem is remembering that final afternoon calcium dose. Everything else is routine.

Thank you to every one of my readers for all your support and encouragement. You all mean so much to me!

~Pam

Hot Hot Hot Protein Drinks

2011-11-10T08:00:00.001-05:00

Here in Michigan we just got a forecast of snow flurries for tomorrow. So far I'm still in denial and don't plan to let those bad weathermen get me down. I'd be perfectly happy if we could rewind and go back to April and start spring over again. But alas, winter is just around the corner. Which means HOT drinks are on the menu. And I've got a bunch of options for those looking for something a little hot for their protein drink.

Protein Hot Chai Tea
This remains one of my favorites of all time. I still drink it regularly... yes, 3 years later and I still love it. What's great is you can drink it all different ways, not just hot. It's great served over ice or made into protein ice cream. Yum!

Protein Hot Cocoa
When you need a chocolate fix, this is perfect! I love the extra chocolatey version of using the packet of Swiss Miss Hot Cocoa in addition to the scoop of chocolate protein powder. This is also great if you add a splash of caramel SF syrup and a dash of salt for a salted caramel hot cocoa. Mmm...

Vanilla Caramel Protein Hot Tea
My friend Kristy didn't like the chai tea recipe above so much. So she invented an alternative. Then I converted her concoction to a big batch recipe. This is my second favorite hot protein drink, I think. It's so smooth and silky with a yummy aroma that just makes you feel all cozy. You must try this!

Caramel Apple Protein Cider
If you're like me and want to hold on to fall for as long as possible, then this drink is for you! Nothing says autumn like apple cider and this version is so delicious. I love the hint of cinnamon and that smooth caramel tone in the background. Delicious!

Protein Coffee
I saved the best for last - coffee! If you're a regular reader of this blog you know that I have a love / hate relationship with coffee (more love than hate). I've got a few variations of coffee recipes here. The Keurig Protein Coffee version. The regular old coffee maker type of protein coffee. And don't forget the iced protein coffee too. And then there's the non-protein version that is the homemade vanilla latte that I love so much. BUT, don't forget that too much coffee is a bad thing for calcium and iron absorption. So I have to limit my intake of caffeine and sometimes have to switch to decaf if I want a second or third coffee helping later in the day.

Enjoy some of my favorite hot protein drinks. And stay warm!

~Pam

My life as the artist

2011-11-09T14:08:00.001-05:00

Isn't it interesting how life changes so drastically... and so quickly? A year ago I was neck deep in the WLS world, diligently writing my book and hanging out on the message boards at ObesityHelp.com. I was working hard to get my degree and learn everything I could about graphic design and had way too much on my task list.

But here I am now and my focus is a lot different. I seem to spend a lot of my day doing design work... at work as well as with my new business partners as we begin this new graphic design company. I am loving every minute of it! I don't seem to socialize much with folks online in the WLS world lately. I miss my friends and still think of you all often. But the direction things are going makes me happy.

When I think about how much my life has changed in the past couple years, I am amazed at the plans God has for me and how quickly it is all happening. Lots of transition going on right now. It's exciting and scary and wonderful. Life is good.

Pam

Skillet Apple Crisp

2011-10-31T08:00:00.001-04:00

After making the sugar free Healthy Homemade Granola I found myself with lots and lots of granola to eat up. Which is great! But after so much yogurt, I started looking for some variety in how to use the granola.

After chatting with a co-worker I decided to try making some apple crisp. But rather than make a whole big batch, I wanted to try just one apple's worth of apple crisp. So this is the recipe I concocted.

Ingredients:

1 medium apple - peeled, cored & sliced
1 pat butter
1 to 2 teaspoons Splenda Brown Sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
dash of salt
Healthy Homemade Granola (approximately 1/4 cup, or to your taste)

Directions:

In medium skillet, melt butter and blend in Splenda Brown Sugar, vanilla and salt. Add sliced apples and allow to simmer until apples are heated through, but still remains slightly crisp (only about 3 minutes). Add granola -- enough to cover the top of the apples, about 1/4 cup or however much you prefer.

Because this is such a carby treat, be sure you're balancing this with plenty of protein if you're on the WLS plan. And remember that Splenda Brown Sugar contains real sugar - it is half real sugar and half Splenda - so if you have a sugar intolerance, use this with caution.

Be warned... this is DELICIOUS and addicting!

Enjoy!
~Pam

Healthy Homemade Granola

2011-10-21T14:02:00.000-04:00

I love granola but I don't like all the added sugar that comes with store-bought varieties. I've been wanting to make my own granola for a while now, but haven't taken the time to research how to do it or actually spend enough time in the kitchen to do it. Until now!

I spent some time online looking at granola recipes from other bloggers and also chefs on the Food Network website. I came across about six different recipes that I liked and decided to combine some of the elements of each and figure out a way to make the whole thing sugar-free.

Peach Carbmaster Yogurt, Mandarin Oranges & Healthy Homemade Granola

Dry Ingredients:

2 c. Kashi Go Lean high-protein cereal
4 c. old fashioned rolled oats (not quick oats)
1/2 c. unsweetened coconut (this is hard to find in stores, I buy mine on Amazon)
1/4 c. sunflower seeds
1/2 c. sliced almonds (whole almonds or slivered almonds would work too)

Wet Ingredients:

1/3 c. sugar free maple syrup or sugar free honey (I used Mrs. Butterworth Pancake Syrup)
1/3 c. Splenda Brown Sugar* (or the alternative no-sugar brand Ideal Brown Sweetener)
1/2 c. apple juice
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. cinnamon

Finishing Ingredients:

1 c. dried cranberries, raisins, cherries or other dried fruit (I use Craisins)

Directions:

Mix all dry ingredients in large bowl and set aside. Mix all wet ingredients until Splenda Brown Sugar is fully dissolved. Pour the wet ingredients over the oat mixture and mix completely with your hands until everything is well coated and all the liquid is absorbed. Arrange the mixture onto two large baking pans and place in 300-degree oven. Bake for a total of 15 to 30 minutes, depending on how dark you like your granola. VERY IMPORTANT: Stir the granola every 7 minutes to make sure it is being baked evenly. Remove from oven and let cool completely. Toss in cranberries or other dried fruit. Store in air-tight container.

* Note: Splenda Brown Sugar is not sugar-free. It is half Splenda and half real brown sugar. Please use caution when using this ingredient if you have a sugar intolerance. An alternative I've heard about from others is called Ideal Brown Sweetener that does not include sugar -- have you tried it before?

I am enjoying my granola in my yogurt lately. The picture above is Peach Carbmaster Yogurt with a snack cup of mandarin oranges and a generous helping of my Healthy Homemade Granola mixed in. It's delicious!

Everything Still Works

2011-10-19T10:15:00.000-04:00

When you get a few years out from bariatric surgery there are days when you doubt that things are still working like they should be. You're able to eat very much like a normal person and you have established routines or habits that you don't have to think much about like you did right after surgery. Life just trucks along normally for long periods of time. Until one day, you're suddenly reminded that you have a very small pouch that needs special care and procedures.

So last night I made some dinner, like normal. I fired up my George Foreman Grill and made a piece of boneless, skinless chicken breast. I fixed a side of steamed broccoli and some delicious long grain rice (I found a deal on Uncle Ben's microwave rice at my local store). It was very good and definitely hit the spot for a healthy dinner.

Then suddenly I realized I'd been eating too quickly and felt that all-too-familiar feeling of having chicken stuck. Oh boy! This hasn't happened in a very long time. Way back when I was a newbie, chicken and I had a rocky relationship and that horrible "stuck feeling" was something I was well acquainted with. But that rarely happens anymore and usually only when I'm not paying attention and eat too quickly or don't chew well enough. So last night was one of those rare moments.

I was miserable for a couple hours -- wishing that it would move, either go down or come up. But nothing. Finally I had to take matters into my own hands and made some hot tea and started sipping. It didn't take long... only about 5 minutes ... and relief finally came in the form of gut wrenching vomiting. I had never been so happy to puke in my life! As soon as that was done, life was beautiful again and all was right with the world.

So this was a reminder to me that I'm not normal and that my pouch keeps me in check even when I'm not paying attention to it. My pouch still works to keep my portions small. And it's behavior keeps me in line with being conscious about my eating and taking my time to do what's right for my body. I love my pouch!

As my friend Nikki said when I told her this story... "Only in our world is this a happy occasion."

I love that I'm nearly four years post-op and my pouch still works just fine. Makes me happy for sure!

~Pam

Don't Compare

2011-09-28T22:03:00.000-04:00

One of the biggest problems I see in the bariatric community - with each of us individually - is how we let other people's successes affect the joy we get from our own successes. If someone loses 5 more pounds than me, should I be resentful of that person's success? No, of course not! But how often do we hear newbies compare themselves to others who are the same time out from surgery who may have lost more than they did. All the time! "So and So lost 50 pounds already, why have I only lost 40 pounds?"

Don't do that! Don't allow yourself to diminish the amazing work you've done by comparing. Just don't do it.

What did you eat last year?

2011-09-21T13:55:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been bored with my food choices. I've been eating on the run so much in the past few months that I feel like I've forgotten how to cook or something. Ok, maybe that's not true since this week I'm having Southwest Chicken for my lunches. But I certainly feel very uninspired lately and need a way to boost my creativity.

So I decided to go back to my FitDay food journal and find out what I was eating a year ago. Luck would have it that I didn't actually record my food much last September. But one day in August I recorded the following:

August 18, 2010

Breakfast 1 -- Protein Chai Tea
Breakfast 2 -- Carbmaster Yogurt and strawberries
Mid-Morning -- Coffee with vanilla flavored creamer
Lunch -- Veggie stir fry
Dinner -- Pizza
Total calories: 1,145

Unfortunately that wasn't very inspiring. In fact, I had chicken and veggie stir fry for lunch yesterday and had some pizza this past weekend. So I went back two years to see what was happening.

September 9, 2009

Breakfast 1 -- Protein Chai Tea
Breakfast 2 -- Carbmaster Yogurt, fresh blueberries and Fiber One Twigs
Mid-Morning -- coffee with creamer
Lunch -- White Chicken Chili and pretzel crisps
Afternoon Snack -- grapes and cheesesticks
Dinner -- Turkey Mignon, carrots, and what looks like a salad of lentils, black beans and italian dressing
Bedtime Snack -- Quaker Rice Snacks and Chocolite Protein Bar
Total Calories: 1,355

Well... this is a bit more inspiring. And actually interesting too -- look at how much food there is on this second example and still the calorie range is under 1,400. I haven't made White Chicken Chili in a while and I'm curious to recreate whatever that lentil and black bean salad might have been.

So what were you eating a year ago? Or two years ago? Have you forgotten about some yummy food you use to eat all the time but haven't had in a while?

Happy Cooking!
Pam

I'm a College Graduate

2011-09-16T12:50:00.000-04:00

When I graduated high school in 1988, I went directly to college. A year and a half later, I ran out of money and, unwilling to take out student loans, came home and got a job. I figured I'd finish up school at the community college - so I picked up a few classes over the following couple years. That didn't last long, so I dropped out of college again. About 8 years ago I decided to finish my college degree and went back to school again, but it was just too difficult to manage a new job and school at that time, so I dropped out again.

Shortly after having WLS in 2008, I set the goal for myself to get a college degree for real this time. I had the motivation of needing a degree to qualify for a job promotion I wanted. So over the past 2.5 years I've gone to school with the determination that this time I would finish and get the degree that has eluded me for the past 23 years.

I did it! I'm a College Graduate!

This past week was the end of the final semester before graduating with an Associate's Degree in Graphic Communication. It's still hard for me to believe that I have achieved this amazing task and I no longer have to say that I'm a "college drop out." I'm pretty frickin' proud of myself.

This isn't the end though. I'm going to take the fall semester off and recover from a way-too-busy summer term and then start back up in the winter to begin working on my Bachelor's degree.

And that career move is right around the corner too. The graphic artist at work is counting down the days until his retirement and I'm looking forward to submitting my (beautifully designed) resume to the boss for consideration. But that's not all. I have met three amazing designers through school and we are embarking on an adventure to start a new graphic design business. We call ourselves Four Effect. (No, our website isn't designed yet, but that's because we have so many client projects coming at us, that we haven't had time to do our own identity - but it'll be in place soon!).

I'm thrilled with where my life is going and I owe it all to my determination to achieve the goals I've set before me. If you look back at the goal list I created for myself at the beginning of this year (2011 Goals) you'll see that I'm actually kicking some butt! (Well, let's just ignore #4 and #6 for now.)

Before you ask (because I know you will!) -- the book is coming! In fact, that is NEXT on the to-do list. It's so close I can actually smell the fresh-from-the-printer aroma and I'm so excited for you to read it. So please bare with me a little while long and please have just a little bit more patience... the wait will be worth it. I promise!

One more thing.

You know I am a big advocate of rewarding yourself for achieving goals. (There's even a list of reward ideas!) So yesterday the very first thing I did with a spare moment, was to head to the jewelry store and buy a new charm for my Pandora bracelet. Yep, it's the graduation cap! Cool, huh?

Thanks for all your patience with me as I had to step away from the blog for a little while as I focused on finishing this chapter in my life. I am back and have more time to spend with you again.

~Pam

The Bariatric Life is Forever

2011-08-25T09:41:00.000-04:00

Yes, the bariatric life is forever. We all knew that going into surgery and we all signed on the dotted line, agreeing that we were committed to following the rules and changing our lifestyles forever --- whatever it takes to get healthy and be able to finally live our lives. In the first couple years after surgery this is easy. In fact, we're all too thrilled to follow rules and change whatever the WLS teams tells us to change because we're seeing dramatic change in the scale, in how we feel and in our other people treat us. But once that shiny new toy starts to lose a bit of its shine, we are faced with the reality that "this is my life."

This isn't a bad thing. In fact, this is a positive aspect of WLS if you let it be. Let me explain where I'm coming from on this whole deep-thought blog post.

Today is an officially scheduled "day of reflection" for me. My longtime readers know that every August I set aside one day to drive back to the beach were I first made the decision to have surgery back on August 6, 2006. In a couple hours I'll be heading out on my annual pilgrimage. I take along my journal, a pen and my beach chair ... and not much else. It's a time for me to reflect on the past year of my life, the goals I set and how I'm doing at achieving them and what adjustments I need to make in my journey to work toward the new goals I want to accomplish. It's also a time for me to reflect on my bariatric life and make sure that I really am on track and doing everything I should be doing for this lifestyle I've chosen.

In the past few weeks I've been contemplating the notion that "the bariatric life is forever." I remember back before I had surgery that when I would start a new diet I would do great for a little while ... but then when some special event came along or even just when I got tired of the diet, I could just "go off" the diet for a day or forever. If I wanted to indulge on a decadent dessert while out to dinner with friends and eat the entire thing all by myself, I could do it and then be back on my diet the next day - no big deal. If I wanted to start the cabbage soup diet and eat broth and cabbage for every meal, every day for weeks on end - no big deal, my body would figure out a way to get what it needed despite my stupid food choices and I wouldn't get sick or malnourished.

But that's not how it works anymore, is it? I can't just turn off my surgery if I have a big family picnic to attend and want to indulge in Aunt Linda's grape-and-marshmallow salad (OMG!) or decide to skip the protein in favor of ice cream or "not bother" with my water and vitamin routine or decide I don't have time for exercise right now, so I won't find the time. No. I don't have that luxury anymore. None of us do. The rearranging we asked our surgeons to perform in that operating table is a permanent and now a part of who and what we are forever. This is how weight loss surgery is suppose to work. It's a good thing. It helps us to enforce those lifestyle changes we signed up for originally.

http://pamtremble.blogspot.com/2006/08/day-at-beach.html

In the past year my day-to-day life has changed a lot. I'm in the midst of a career change with a lot of changing duties at work, I'm about to graduate with a degree I've worked very hard for, I've started a new graphic design business with three other very cool people and still, I remain a WLS patient. If my schedule gets too hectic, the surgery doesn't care, I still need to be a WLS patient and follow the rules and live the changes I signed up for in my life.

Yesterday I put in a nearly 22-hour day. Yikes! I was out of bed at 5:00 a.m. to get ready for work. The day was packed with knocking a million things off my task list, then I attended a seminar in the evening and when I got home I spent 4 hours doing school work and finally got to bed around 2:30 a.m.

Was I a good little WLS patient yesterday? Nope. Not at all. I had one dose of vitamins in the morning and forgot the rest. I drank about 40 ounces of water (along with a 32oz diet coke and about 40oz of coffee). I missed breakfast because I forgot to eat and probably ended the day with an intake of 30g of protein. I sat on my butt all day (at my desk, in a conference room or in the car) and didn't get any exercise in at all unless you count the number of times I ran to the bathroom because I drank too much frickin' coffee. I didn't get quality sleep and I didn't bother nourishing my spirit with time to relax or refresh. Unfortunately, days like this, lately, aren't unusual with my unreal schedule right now.

Since today is my "day of reflection" and a time of "butt-kicking" --- I'm here to kick my own butt. I signed up for this surgery and the rules and the changes. So I need to do a better job of honoring my commitment. A commitment to myself to live a healthier life and do what is right for my body.

I'm glad that WLS is a part of my everyday life and I'm reminded often that I'm not like everyone else. I'm glad that my surgery still works (my pouch reminds me of it's presence often). This Bariatric Life was the best decision I ever made for myself and I'm a better person for it. It's been five years since I made my decision to sign on the dotted line and I'm so excited to see what the next five years will bring.

~Pam

Good Saturday Morning!

2011-08-13T11:22:00.000-04:00

When life gets overwhelming and hectic and so busy you don't know if you're coming or going --- you have to decide which things get sacrificed and which need attention. Unfortunately my blog has been on the chopping block lately. Not that I'm happy about it. But it is what is is, at this point. It's not like I don't think of you guys, of course.

A quick overview of what's happening in my world:

I have 15 credits this term at school. I've normally been taking 8 credits and been swamped, so you can image what 15 credits is doing to my schedule. Thankfully my classes are staggered a bit so I'm already done with 5 credits for the summer.
Right now Algebra class is trying to kill me but I'm determined to fight my way through (have I mentioned I hate math?).
Summer is my final semester before I finish my Associate's Degree in Graphic Communication. I'll be an official college graduate on September 14th. Remember back in 2008 when I set the goal to "get my butt back to school" and I actually did it?! It feels good to be this close to finishing what I started.
September 26th is the start of the Fall semester where I'll officially begin working on my Bachelor's degree in Digital Media Design.
As I mentioned in my last post about technical stuff (which should all be fixed now) I'm in the process of building a new personal website that will include both my design adventures and my WLS resources. It's going slowly because of all the other stuff that's happening. It's definitely nothing exciting right now, but you're welcome to check it out at PamTremble.com.
I've started a business with three friends who are also designers. We are called Four Effect. Things are moving at the speed of light and I'm excited to see what will happen next. If you need a team of outstanding designers to make your message pretty, just holler, we're always on the hunt for new clients.
I'm considering buying a house and moving closer to work. I currently drive 150 miles a day for my commute and spend almost 15 hours a week on the road. With the start of this new business I feel like I need to capture those lost 15 hours and moving is the only way to do that. Unfortunately I own a home already and in my research so far, it doesn't look promising that I'll be able to sell for what I owe. I'm afraid this whole move-idea might have to wait a while but I'm still doing what I can to figure out a solution.
I've been seeing a chiropractor in the past week or so. I've had ongoing problems with my neck and upper back because I hold most of my tension there and I tend to slouch and sprawl out when I'm at the computer (for way too many hours a day) -- it has finally caught up with me and I got so sore that I couldn't turn my head to the left without pain. So the doctor is crunching me, twisting and turning me and getting me back in alignment. The past couple weeks have been pretty painful, but I can definitely feel the improvement in the past few days.
On the WLS front

the weight is the same as always
the eating and vitamin routine is ingrained in my life so I don't have to think about it much
I could definitely use more exercise and less computer time
pushing water has been a habit lately
still attending support groups and leading my local support group
the book is slowly and surely getting finished

Technical Glitches

2011-08-08T20:20:00.000-04:00

I apologize for the inconvenience, but there may be some links here on the blog that are no longer working. I have moved my file hosting service to a new company and I'm in the process of rebuilding the database. Most everything here should work fine... but there may be some random links and files that are no longer working. I'm working to get everything fixed as soon as possible, though.

If you come across something specific that you're trying to download or view and the link is broken, please feel free to send me an email and I'll do what I can to get you the file as soon as possible. You can reach my by email using the Profile link on the left.

Thanks for your patience.

Pam

Chained to my Keyboard

2011-07-04T01:22:00.000-04:00

I've been chained to my keyboard lately. But apparently I haven't been typing blog posts! My Spring term at college seriously kicked my butt (how many times have you heard that about other various terms at school?) and my annual involvement in the boss' golf outing as the resident graphic designer added to the butt kicking. Put in a month or two straight of 90+ hour weeks and you'd be ready for a break too. I've taken the past week as a chance to catch my breath, dig out my house of weeks of neglected housework and tried to do some sun-worshipping and beach-sitting.

And now I'm beginning the Summer term at school and looking at my schedule is making me shudder. 15 credit hours? What was I thinking?! Wish me luck as I try to test out of a couple of those classes. If I survive this summer's class load... I will be an official college graduate on September 15, 2011.

For the past several months my life has revolved around becoming a graphic designer. Many of my new tasks at work have a lot to do with designing and school obviously is all about design. Plus I'm working on a new group project venture that is throwing me into the deep end of the graphic design swimming pool.

It's interesting how WLS is your whole life in the first couple of years after we have surgery. We can't seem to imagine a life without having everything revolve around being healthy and losing weight and living this new life. But eventually there's a switch that gets flipped and you find yourself smack dab in the middle of "real life" again and WLS is no longer the center of your universe. Right now my world seems to be revolving around finishing school and doing everything I can to be the best graphic designer I can be so I'm ready for a career change in the next year or less. It's exciting. It's exhausting. But mostly, it's exciting.

So a couple things I'm sure you have been wondering about regarding WLS ...

No, the book isn't done yet. I estimate I have about another 12 to 18 hours of solid work to put into it. It's 100% written, but the edits need to be applied and the bibliography needs to be transcribed from a pile of notes and some charts/tables need to be created within a couple chapters. At this point I see no clear light at the end of the tunnel. This project has officially taken me 6 months longer than I thought it would and I'm officially tired of not having it done. I promise it'll be done eventually, I just don't have a publication date for it yet.
Even with all the stress and hectic schedules going on I have maintained my weight (oooo... big surprise, huh?). Poor eating or excellent eating doesn't seem to make the scale move. Unfortunately the eating hasn't always been perfect, but overall it hasn't been too bad.
I could definitely do a better job of taking all the doses of my vitamins and drinking more water than coffee.
My reactive hypoglycemia is pissing me off right now. I had a pretty bad blood glucose crash about a week ago (that scared me a lot since it happened in the middle of the night) and my body still hasn't recovered so I keep having mini crashes for no logical reason. So I'm dealing with some emotions I don't like very much right now regarding the RH. Hope it passes soon.

I could promise to do a better job of updating the blog but I know that the next couple months are going to be hectic --- more hectic than normal, I think. So all I can do is promise to do my best to keep ya'll updated on what's going on in my WLS world. Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter to hear my ramblings there too.

Talk to you soon!

~Pam

Series of WLS Articles You Should Read

2011-06-03T16:18:00.000-04:00

I've mentioned here before that I follow the blog written by Dr. Arya Sharma, a doctor who treats morbidly obese patients, is an obesity researcher and professor in Canada. He stands out in the crowd of obesity scientists with a strong message of living a healthy life and also support bariatric surgery when it is necessary for morbidly obese patients. And he's a man after my own heart because he tends to post a lot of information about medical journal studies and recent findings related to obesity.

It's rare to find a doctor who actually writes a blog and is active in the online community with his opinions and research. I've followed him for several years and I always learn great stuff from him.

He has just finished up an excellent series of articles -- two series, in fact -- and I wanted to share the links with you. They are worth the read!

Why I Support Bariatric Surgery

Why Bariatric Surgery Can Fail

A few of my other favorite Dr. Sharma articles include:

As you can tell... I love that blog! Go check it out and learn a bunch of cool new stuff!

~Pam

Random Stuff

2011-05-27T12:04:00.000-04:00

It has been far too long since I've regularly posted here, I apologize. I'm focused on the light at the end of the tunnel that is 2 weeks away... the end of this semester. Things should lighten up dramatically for me over the summer. Just thought I'd throw some random stuff out to the universe today.

My new Jason Gray t-shirt.

Nikki's visit was amazing! She's a blast to hang out with and we exhausted ourselves by trying to do everything in the world in just 3.5 short days.
Wednesday night in class my graphic design portfolio was due. This was a HUGE project that required monster amounts of time and effort. Turning it in was a major stress reliever. I've got one more huge class project to finish by Monday night. Then just a bunch of small things that need to be cranked out.
This summer I'll be taking a very light load at school. Just one 2 credit class and my internship. Need to finalize the details of the intern position and get all that paperwork turned in. Thankfully it's a project that I was able to choose myself rather than trying to find a company who could work around my day job. This should be fun.
I haven't been cooking lately, so no new recipes for the blog. During Nikki's visit I took some photos of her cooking in my kitchen, so you might get a small sampling of some of the ways we played with food last weekend.
Gas prices are going to be the death of me. I drive 150 miles a day. $4/gal gas is not even funny.
Michigan's weather is starting to make me angry. It's nearly June and I haven't even gotten out my spring or summer clothes yet. Today I'm wearing a long sleeved thermal shirt because it was cold this morning. Yesterday I wore a sweater.
I have not been doing super great in taking my vitamins like I should be. Also slacking on water intake and managing the balance of protein/carbs/fats. I think this is pretty common for someone who is 3.5 to 4 years post-op. These things can slip so easily. I need to do a better job. In fact... I just took a dose of calcium right now as I'm typing this since I reminded myself to behave.
Big project coming up at work - actually I'm in the midst of it already. The annual golf outing for the boss is June 21 and I'm handling all the graphic design work for it. So print orders need to be submitted to the sign company in about 10 days. Yikes!
I'm already scheduling beach time! You know me, my favorite spot in the world is on a beach with my toes tucked into hot sand while lounging in a beach chair with my Nook. I'd like to be parked in my favorite spot at least every other weekend. We'll see if I can pull that off.
I've been wearing my GoWearFit lately (it's now called Body Media Fit, but I can't ever remember to call it that). I'm still on track with my calorie burning range. I burn about 2000-2400 almost every single day depending on my activity level. I've been eating around 1200-1400 calories, so I'm always in a deficit. If only that would result in lost pounds, but oh well. I'm maintaining my weight with no gains or losses, so that's good, right? :-)

Thanks enough rambling for now. Hopefully soon I'll be back in the groove and be posting regularly again.

~Pam

Nikki is Coming!!

2011-05-18T15:44:00.000-04:00

In about 24 hours the amazing and wonderful Nikki of Bariatric Foodie will be arriving in Michigan for a weekend of fun, food, friends and pure foolishness. Together we'll be a whirlwind of activity and excitement as I show her around my stomping grounds. She's flying in Thursday evening and flying home on Sunday evening and the weekend is already packed with plans! In fact, if you're in the area and want to come to a party on Saturday night, let me know and I'll hook you up with an invitation!

I'm sure there will be Facebook updates, Tweets, lots of pictures and maybe even a blog post or two over the weekend... so stay tuned.

Are Graphic Designers Fat or Skinny?

2011-05-09T00:24:00.000-04:00

If I sit at my computer all day working on graphic design projects ... I don't get up and move around or exercise so I don't burn many calories. Then I end up fat.

But if I also am so engrossed in my work that I forget to eat and just survive on coffee, there aren't many calories that need to be burned. Then I end up skinny.

I wonder which it'll be. Fat or Skinny?

Yes. I've been sitting at my computer most of the weekend.

Yes. I've forgotten to eat a meal on more than one occasion.

Yes. I did actually get up and exercise Saturday morning with my WLS support group, but that was the extent of my workouts.

No. I did not get all my design homework done.

Yes. I'll be chained to this computer every moment I can spare until its all done! (Only 4 weeks left in this term and I'm still SO far behind.)

Hopefully the brain power it takes to do all this homework and creative design stuff will be burning enough calories to make up for my lack of actual physical movement.

Do not follow my bad example. Go exercise, people!

~Pam

Today's Eats - in the car

2011-05-05T12:06:00.001-04:00

How about a peek into my day of eating? On a school day when I'm gone for 16 hours of the day. And during a week when I didn't cook my lunches for the whole week because I was gone on my cooking day. And right in the midst of a very stressful, overly busy time in my life. Ever wonder what a day of eating would look like with all those caveats?

Today - Thursday, May 5th - you'll see several people around the WLS blogosphere who are also sharing their day's eating. So after you get done ready about my adventures in food here, go visit the rest of them to see what they're doing. Also, why not find a way to share YOUR day's eating too? If you have a blog of your own, make a post and share the link in my comments section. If you're on Facebook or Twitter, share your eats there. Or hop on a forum and start a new thread with your eats. Here are the other bloggers:

Beth (aka "Melting Mama")
Andrea (of WLS Vitagarten)
Rob (of Former Fat dudes)
Shelly (of The World According to Eggface)
Nikki (of Bariatric Foodie)
Tom (of Beariatric.com)

Our goal of showing you what a WLS patient eats in a single day is to help you understand that we are all different. There is no absolute right or wrong way to do this post-op life thing. We have to each develop our own routine and eating plan that works with our schedules, preferences and the way our body works. We hope this sheds some light on the mystery of what long-term post-wls patients actually eat.

Let's talk about my day first. The food here is for yesterday's eats. Wednesdays are school days for me, so that means I leave my house around 7:15 a.m. to go to work, head to class after leaving the office and get home around 11:00 p.m. after class. Typically my routine is to have meals prepped over the weekend so I have a packed lunch for each day of the week and sometimes a packed dinner for school nights. But I was out of town this past weekend, so I'm off routine this week. I have no pre-planned lunches and there's not even much in the house to use for dinners. So I've been winging it all week.

I ate in my car. A lot. Way more than normal. LOL! I always have my morning protein drink and muffin on the drive to work. But since the weather was so nice I also had lunch in my car while soaking up the sunshine. Then on school nights I typically eat a small early dinner while I'm driving between the office and school. I did eat my late night snack at home though. So this day's eating was a bit of a "grab as I go" type of day.

The short version of my day's eats:

7:15 a.m. - Hot Vanilla Caramel Protein Tea

8:15 a.m. - Banana Oat Muffin

9:15 a.m. - Coffee with SF Vanilla Creamer

1:30 p.m. - Arby's Chicken salad wrap and a few french fries

3:00 p.m. - Fun-size peanut butter M&M's

5:30 p.m. - Wendy's chili and mandarin oranges

11:00 p.m. - 2 mandarin oranges & 2 cheesesticks

The pictorial version of my day's eats:

Fast food!? Twice? And CHOCOLATE? Dang Pam... you're a bad WLS patient! Yep. It was just one of those days.

I've logged my food into FitDay and copied the journal entries below for your inspection. Notice that the Arby's chicken salad wrap is a strangely inputted. I am only recording 75% of the wrap sandwich because that's how much of the multi-grain tortilla I ate, but I picked out all of the remaining chicken inside the discarded wrap. So I added some regular chicken salad (my homemade version) onto the food log to make sure I accounted for all the protein I really did eat. I do this often when I can't make the electronic food log do what I want it to do. It helps me remain as accurate as possible in my logging.

So really, even though I ate fast food (twice) .... if you look at my numbers, they weren't that far outside the norm for what my goals are. In fact, my calorie intake was spot on. Just that the fat intake was a bit high (which I don't worry too much about anyway) and my protein percentage was a bit low (even though I hit my gram-intake goal) so it threw off my percentages for the day. My daily goal is around 1200-1500 calories with 40% from protein, 35% from carbs and 25% from fat.

So here's how the numbers shook out:

Calories: 1,490
Fat: 63g - 37%
Carbs: 148g - 38%
fiber: 21g
Protein: 98g - 25%

What did YOU eat today? Share on your own blog and link to it here in the comment. And go visit the other bloggers who are talking about their food today too.

~Pam

A Weekend Away

2011-05-02T23:25:00.001-04:00

This past weekend I took four days away from my mile-long task list and all the crazy stress that goes with the way I live my life.... and got out of town! I "unplugged" as much as I could. I took my netbook and my phone, but tried not to check email or get online to chat or update people about what I was doing. I also left all my school work at home and made the conscious decision to just let everything wait. It was hard to break away. Very hard. In fact, it took me almost a full 24 hours before I noticed I'd stopped thinking about that blasted task list and feeling guilty for not getting things done.

Warning - this is going to be a very long post with lots of chatter about my amazing weekend retreat at a Christian Women's Conference. There will be a million links to websites and books/music I want to buy later and also some of my own notes about the speakers and singers --- both to share my experience with you, but also as a way for me to remember the weekend when I come back and read this message again months from now (I do that often with my blog posts). There's not much talk about WLS in this post, sorry.

I only worked a few hours on Thursday morning, then started my weekend with a 90-minute massage. OMG! Then I drove 4.5 hours down to Columbus, Ohio where I checked into the Hyatt Place hotel (it was seriously the best hotel experience of my life, they were awesome!). Friday and Saturday I spent in a conference with 11,000 other women and when they let us out for breaks and such, I explored the downtown area on foot. Sunday I slept late and left the hotel around noon, then shopped my way home and around 9:30 p.m. I pulled into my driveway, unloaded the car, unpacked my suitcases and went to bed early.

It was one of the best weekend getaways I've ever experienced. I'm so glad I went. I've returned refreshed, relaxed and rejoicing. My task list is still looming and I'm still very very very far behind on my school work and the book stuff -- but I'm looking at it with a fresh perspective right now.

I attended the Women of Faith Imagine conference. If you're not familiar with what that is, lemme explain. It is a huge gathering of women (11,000 women) - we crowd into a massive arena and listen to amazing speakers teaching lessons from the Bible. Then we worship together with top notch singers. We laugh and cry and sing and learn together. This was my first time attending, but I'm definitely hooked and plan to go every year. The Columbus conference was the first on the Imagine tour, so if you're interested, check their website for the rest of the tour dates.

Some of the speakers and singers who were there include:

Up Close and Personal with Mary Mary

Natalie Grant - she brought us all to our knees with her song "It is well with my soul". (Here's a video that was captured at another WOF conference - it was so much more powerful than I can explain.) I knew she was a great artist, but I had no idea she was SO great. Her new CD is Love Revolution.
Women of Faith Worship Team - These four ladies lead us all in worship at the beginning of each day and whenever we all gathered back after breaks. They sang amazing songs from their new CD Rejoice. What an inspiration they are. What beautiful voices!
Mary Mary - wow! such energy! Before the conference I hadn't heard of them but they had me hooked with their first song on Friday night. Their latest CD is called Something Big which debuted at #10 on the Billboard's Top 200 Albums chart (yes, that's all music, not just Christian music).
Luci Swindoll - I'm officially in love with this lady! I resisted buying her book at the conference because I wanted to get the ebook for my Nook (I tend to actually read ebooks whereas hard copy books go unread). Her latest is Notes to a Working Woman, but I've also got a couple others on my wish list: Doing Life Differently and also Life! Celebrate it. My biggest lesson from Luci this weekend was quoted in the Cliff Notes section and was something she prayed before her message: "Lord, give us meaning rather than more."
Shelia Walsh - What I love about Shelia's messages (besides her awesome Scottish accent) was how she brought the stories of the Bible to life. Learning the meaning behind different words helps to bring a story to life. My favorite lesson from Shelia was: "It is not the sheep's job to get itself safely home - that is the job of the shepherd. And the shepherd knows where to find you." The book they talked about this weekend was "The Shelter of God's Promise" - but she's got another book that was release last year that it at the top of my list: "Beautiful Things Happen when a Woman Trusts God."
Angie Smith - of the blog Bring the Rain really touched the hearts of many this weekend. She shared her story of losing her baby daughter shortly after she was born and how God brought her through that storm in her life. She also wrote the book I Will Carry You. For being scared to speak in front of such a large group of people - she certainly touched every single heart in that arena. Wow!
Lisa Harper - I love that you're 47 and single and so happy in your life. It gives me hope! (OK, not that I'm happy you're single... sorry, didn't mean it to sound that way LOL). But because she's single, it makes me want to read her books. Untamed and A Perfect Mess - two books now on my list. My favorite lesson from Lisa was: "Drop your rocks and stand together." Referring to when the woman who was caught in adultery and Jesus said to the crowd that those who have not sinned should throw the first stone. The crowd dispersed. But Lisa pointed out that nobody stayed to stand beside the women in support - they all left. So it is not enough to just drop your rock and leave, we also need to stay and stand by our brothers/sisters to give them support and love.
Dr. Henry Cloud - Seriously?! This man is amazing! I took so many notes while he was speaking and I know I missed a lot of gems - But what I got was still amazing. Two things stand out from his messages: "Never leave home without your monkey." and "Your brain works on oxygen, glucose and relationships." Checking out Dr. Cloud's Facebook Page I see lots of people talking about how great his books are and that they can't put them down. He talked about The Law of Happiness in one of his messages and Necessary Endings. But I'm checking out his book called: How to Get a Date Worth Keeping.
Nicole Johnson shared her testimony and a bit about her life. My favorite lesson from her was: We are not enough, but in God's hands, He allows us to become enough." She touched on her book called "A Fresh Brewed Life" and taught us that coffee is at its best after the beans have been crushed, ground and brewed in hot water, which is a beautiful parallel for how God can transform a crushed life into something delicious and lovely.
Kim Cash Tate shared her story too. She's a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom who recently quit her job as a lawyer to be at home with her children. She had a new Christian fiction book out about three friends: Faithful. My favorite lesson from Kim was: "You are not your past, the color of your skin, your career, your sins, your relationships ... you are a new creature in Christ. Your life dreams may be different than God's plan, but he'll bring you around to his way of thinking eventually."
Laura Story made a surprise appearance on Friday. Her current song Blessings is one of my favorites right now. Listen to what she says about it in this video.
Lori Roberts

Whew! That was a much longer run-down than I'd planned. But I wanted to capture the essence of what these people brought to my life over the past weekend. It takes a lot for me to completely forget about the hectic life I lead and all the things on my to-do list... but these people did it. And when I landed back on my Monday morning, faced with too much to do at work and a schoolwork list that is not based in any form of reality... I realize I'm looking at the task list differently today. The hectic-ness hasn't changed, but my outlook has been adjusted and I have more peace. What gets done will get done and what doesn't get done, oh well... the world will not end if I miss a homework assignment or two, ya know.

The verse that guided the weekend was Ephesians 3:20a:

God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!

~Pam

Spider Monkeys are Adorable

2011-04-25T23:43:00.000-04:00

Spider Monkeys are adorable. You just want to hug 'em and squeeze 'em and kiss 'em. C'mon, don't you just love how adorable they are? They put a smile on your face, don't they!

Center of My Universe

2011-04-17T20:44:00.000-04:00

It has been 3.5 years since I had weight loss surgery and WLS is no longer the center of my universe. Actually, WLS has been moving further and further away from the center for some time now - it's just that in the past few months I've noticed it more. Let me explain.

When I first had surgery - in fact, in the year before surgery - my whole world revolved around the fact that I had made a huge decision to change my life, my habits and the way I thought about myself in terms of being healthy or not. The decision to alter the anatomy of my body was an extreme step.

WLS isn't just a way to lose weight and get healthy, it physically alters my body and changes the way I make every decision about my body for the rest of my life. It's not just about eating the right foods and exercising and taking my vitamins - it's having to do all those things 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year without a single day off. This isn't a diet that I can start and stop anytime I want, it's a change to the very core of my life and how I live it every minute of the day.

For the first couple years after WLS, I felt every single one of those minutes of my day. But slowly I worked my way toward "normal" (and even wrote about it here a few times - "Working Toward Normal"). I was making a conscious effort to stop thinking about WLS all the time and stop allowing it to define who I was as a person. No, I'll never be a non-WLS person, but I can find a way for it to be just one small part of who I am rather than the whole.

Long time readers who know me, know that I'm a busy person. I work a full-time job, I commute to work the equivalent of another part time job (on the road 15 hours a week), I go to school full time and a bunch of other stuff (ya know, like writing a book and stuff). So it's not like I've let WLS bog me down and get in the way of living my life - but it was always occupying a large part of my thinking space.

I'm sure you've noticed in the past couple months that my blog posting has diminished significantly. I also haven't been visiting the WLS forums as often as I used to. Granted, some of this is due to a more intense workday and school schedule ... but a large part of this is due to the fact that WLS is no longer the center of my universe.

I know that my blog posts have been pretty fluffy lately. Not a lot of in depth research or lessons like I've shared in the past. Some of that is probably a result of being so entrenched in school and it using up so much of my brain power. But it might also be a result of putting so much of my WLS energies into the writing of my book (yes, it's coming!). So even though you haven't seen it here, I've honestly been writing about WLS like a madwoman! But it's draining my energy. A lot. Like, seriously a lot. So I've been a bit distanced from the WLS community and blog world these past few months.

Is this a good thing? Is it bad? It is neither? I don't know... for now it's an observation and something I'll contemplate a bit more in the coming weeks. I don't plan to go away or leave this blog abandoned or anything. The archives still have a lot of valuable information for those who are just starting their journey and I hope people find it helpful still. But I suspect the direction of this blog might change a bit in the coming months - from WLS-centric to Pam-centric instead. Sort of a chronicle of what life is like as a normal person who just happened to have WLS.

So that's what's on my mind today as I work on the final edits of the book and get it ready to be submitted to the publisher in the next week or two. My brain hurts and I'm exhausted from being overextended, but it's an interesting thing to realize that WLS isn't the center of my universe anymore and that I'm living a pretty normal life these days. It's taken over four years to get here - so this is a new place for me.

~Pam