Like many others, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Even people with the emotional radar of a doormat pick up on when I say I’m fine but am lying through my teeth, or when the smile and usually bubbly demeanor seem strained.

The last months have required a lot of posing on my part. Life just hasn’t been as awesome as it usually is for a variety of different reasons that I didn’t feel comfortable discussing openly with family or friends, much less putting out in the blogosphere for strangers, professional contacts, and God knows who else to read. (Let’s just call Spring of 2012 “The Perfect Storm” and leave it at that.) But after a long day of pretending everything was rocking as usual for the benefit of those around me, the last thing I wanted to do was to come home and write a blog post about this awesome new restaurant I tried or this sweet dessert I just baked or other “wow, my exciting life in San Francisco is the raddest!” type of fodder that often invades my place on the web here.

And when I write that stuff, it’s true. I’m an honest person, whether it is with my friends, my colleagues, or my internet persona—I just have, necessarily, more of a filter. But I got to the point where I felt like I was lying to everyone around me and the last thing I wanted to do was perpetuate the everything’s-rosy mentality on the internet when I was often sitting at home and NOT feeling that way, exactly. There is a lot of value in concepts such as “choose your attitude” or “fake it til you make it” but when it gets to the point where it seems you’re lying to yourself, it doesn’t feel right.

So I stopped blogging. That’s the real reason. It’s not that I was too busy—I’m always too busy, but there’s also always time for the things that are more important. I stopped blogging because I didn’t want to LOL and and tell funny witty vignettes about my super-duper life when I was kind of going through a rough patch. Which we all do, at different times, and that’s fine—they pass.

But then I realized today that I was very much at risk of losing this blog forever. This blog has gone through seasons of life with me, from a hut in Africa to meandering through Southeast Asia to moving home to Granite Bay and wondering what to do with my life to a new world in San Francisco. There have been times I’ve been posting frequently, other times less so. There have been fun posts and insightful posts and stressed out posts and everything in between. Life isn’t perfect and there are seasons for everything. Sometimes things go your way, sometimes they don’t. But the answer is not to hide under a rock during those times and pretend they’re going to pass without casualty. Life’s rockier and more uncertain patches are a gift that give us the opportunity for learning, for growth, and for reflection, and make those sweet times and perfect moments that much more meaningful.

I won’t lie and say everything has been worked out yet, but I will be honest and say that I’m working on those things. Life will always have its complications, and the important thing is to focus on the joys, blessings, and love that we all have in our lives—sometimes you just have to look a little harder to see them.

I won’t let P&P die. There may be times I don’t want to log on and don’t want to share, and other times I do. But this blog has been an extension of me, and I need to hold on to these hobbies that I love and that bring me joy, if only on a small piece of the interwebs. And at the end of the day, life really is super-duper awesome.

For anyone who is actually reading this post, thanks for not forgetting about me. This time, I’m really back, bit by bit.

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Ever since I started blogging, even in Africa with hardly any internet, I did my best to be consistent and post as frequently as I could. Not necessarily because I was making a single cent off of my blog or because anyone was waiting with bated breath for my next scintillating update, but it was more for me—blogging is something I do to really have a record of my life, shared with the world. And for the last month, radio silence. Why? I’ll cover that in another post.

There is far too much to catch up on today but I’ll share a few highlights in my worlds of food and running:

I’m running again! Okay, not completely, but I can run about four miles at a time. It’s been a LONG time off so I’m getting really winded very quickly, but still can at least get out there and run with my buddies.

I had to miss the Oakland Half Marathon, but I handed my bib over to a friend and I still got to go and cheer them on. : )

I traveled to LA for my best friend’s bridal shower (!!!). That will be a post in itself.

I’ve gone on some SF adventures. More on that to come.

I’ve also been eating well—very well. I recently received a free sample of an Alexia Foods product via the Foodbuzz Tastemaker Program and totally neglected posting about it on time with what’s been going on, but I figured better late than never. I love French fries, especially sweet potato fries, so I was excited to try their sweet potato julienne fries.

The premise is very simple: slap them on a baking tray and throw them in the oven for 20-25 minutes.

It actually couldn’t be easier, and coming from someone who has made her own fries in hot oil before, it definitely feels much better for you! I threw mine in for over 25 minutes, probably 28, for them to be extra crispy. With oven fries, if they’re soggy or limp you might notice the difference, but crispy fries are delicious either way.

These are lightly seasoned with chipotle/salt; sodium freaks like me can add some more salt or seasoning, but they have a lot of flavor as is. And of course, mustard makes everything more delicious. I am excited to have a whole bag of these in the freezer to enjoy. I definitely recommend them if you want a healthier, unique fry fix.

And how adorable is this apron?

Lots of things going on this week for me, but I’m really excited to get back to a normal blogging schedule (at least every other day minimum). P&P has always been something I cared about very much but that occasionally has to take a backseat to professional and personal life—though I’m definitely going to work on spending more time on the activities I love that make me happy.

And signing up for things that scare the sh*t out of me.

More to come this week. Have a great day!

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It just totally sucks. But the funny thing is, it’s not the simple “not running” part that’s getting to me.

Yes, running is a great activity. I love the way it makes me feel. I love the high I get at the end of a run and carry with me all day. I love feeling powerful and fit and strong. Even though my body is not perfect, when it carries me 16 miles easily and all before breakfast, it’s hard to begrudge it for what it is not.

Whatever the injury is I am dealing with, I don’t believe it is severe. Yet. It could easily become so if I don’t get the right diagnosis and treat it accordingly. I am likely looking at about a month without running if you count the last two weeks (2 runs in there somewhere) and what I assume will be 2+ more weeks off. It’s really nothing compared to any legitimately serious injury!

But yet I feel so horrible and I realize it’s not necessarily about running.

What upsets me isn’t necessarily that I can’t get in an easy six before work. I can stay active—the gym, walking, hiking when my knee/leg/whatever does not hurt, join CrossFit, find somewhere to swim.

It’s the weight of expectations that I seem to have placed on running, and the reality of not being able to live up to them.

Running for me started in Africa where it was an escape. When my mind was concentrating on running, it was easier to block out the stress and loneliness of living in a bamboo hut overseas.

I decided to run a marathon last year. It was the most empowering thing I have ever done. Every single weekend, a new personal distance record. Every weekend, another step towards doing something I never thought possible. And I’d never been happier.

That was kind of the theme of 2011 for me. Do what you can’t do. I never thought I’d run a marathon. I ran one and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Then I ran another one at SFM, undertrained but with the goal of having fun (a quad thing knocked me out for a few weeks—it’s likely the same nagging injury that I have yet to figure out). Then I ran a third at CIM without really training for it either. And a fourth in Maui that I didn’t train for either, walking and just having fun.

And you know what? I was okay with this. I was okay with running “just to finish” and not carrying about time or splits or sub-whatever or any of that other gunk. I just didn’t really care.

But then something made me start feeling like I’m supposed to care. I’m supposed to be faster. I’m supposed to win an AG award. Break X:XX in whatever race. Even though I’m not good at running, and used to be okay with it, I started not being okay with it.

Last year I phoned it in. The week after Hawaii was the week I was supposed to start training. Training. Not for anything big, just a goal half marathon, a trail marathon that would get me into Marathon Maniacs, and the Ogden marathon for which I declared 3:55 or bust, and pacing for SFM. I was ready for 40+ miles a week every week, a strict diet, speedwork every week, running up Twin Peaks for fun, dropping 10 pounds, and anything else that would finally qualify me as a runner in my own mind.

And then that same week I got hurt.

It’s probably not related to the chaos I’ve created for myself in my mind. But the timing is horribly coincidental. I’ve been dealing with running related injuries since I started running and always just squeezed through them on luck, and I’ve got a feeling that that is over. My luck has run out and it’s going to be a bit of a break.

And I’ve already seen my goal half marathon and the elusive Marathon Maniacs membership slip through my fingers (toes?). Hundreds of dollars and dreams of goal race glory are on the line. And I can’t really handle it.

I rarely feel relaxed these days. I feel so much pressure at work. I feel so much pressure in my relationships. In my hobbies. In my schedule. And running is supposed to be the release from all of that. And yet somehow, it’s become an equal source of pressure on me.

Maybe I need a break. I want to be running and I truly do love it, but my favorite runs are the casual ones with friends when you just chat and you don’t care if you are running eight or eighteen minute pace. The runs back in the day Before the Garmin where I wasn’t constantly berating myself for being fat and slow based on those numbers on the screen. Before I turned the thing that was supposed to free me of stress into a great stressor. Though I believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I need to get back what running had always been about for me: Release. Peace. Love. Joy. Not mile splits of PRs or Marathon Maniacs or finally having a 3 in front of my time to feel more legitimate. I have an obsessive personality, and each of my hobbies I tend to go a little too far. I’ve hit that point, and my body is probably doing the only thing it can to protest: screaming ‘ENOUGH ALREADY!”

I’m going to do whatever I can to be able to run pain free. But once I can I’m going to try to remember why I fell in love with it in the first place.Similar Posts:

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The last few weeks have been crazy to say the absolute least, and sometimes it feels with blogging—and with exercise, healthy eating, and so on—that the more days that pass, the harder it is to jump back on the bandwagon. I really love blogging, though, and recognize that I need to invest more time and effort into it if I really want to make it something special, which it is to me.

Anyway, I wanted to post a few highlights of our Maui adventures a couple of weeks ago. You saw my post about the Maui Oceanfront Marathon, but I’ve written little else about it. So a few photos and highlights will have to suffice. : )

Sunrise at Haleakala Crater

This is one of those touristy activities that I didn’t do last time I was in Maui, so the morning after we arrived, we got picked up at a very healthy 3:00AM to ride in a van with several other people up winding mountain roads until we got to the top of a 10,000+ foot crater and 30-degree weather at 4:30AM were we would hang out until about 6AM when the sunset.

It was freezing and miserable up there. And yet so worth it.

Which was followed by…

Biking Down Haleakala Crater

This is also one of those touristy activities that brands itself as “active travel” when in reality we went on a 20-something mile bike ride and only had to pedal about 0.5 of a mile. The whole time.

It was awesome and I highly recommend this. We were with some slowpokes (boo… I am an adrenaline junkie and wanted to just bomb down the mountain) but it was probably good to go with a guide as probability of getting lost is relatively high otherwise. Plus please note how awesome I look in this yellow jumpsuit.

Whale Watching

Before this trip, I thought of whale watching as an activity that Mommy would beg to do and I would begrudgingly acquiesce, and then we’d spend two hours on a freezing boat until a guide yelled “I think I saw a tail over there!” but to everyone on the boat it looks precisely like nothing at all. Until today. January and February are peak months for whales and before leaving the harbor we had a whole whale family dancing around our boat. It was awesome.

Lava Flows – And Lots of Them

I’ll be honest, I’m not a huge pina colada girl (or coconut girl in general – too overpowering). Mai Tais are not my favorite either. But a pina colada with strawberry in it? YES PLEASE. I don’t want to count how many of these or how many $2 margaritas at Betty’s Beach Café were consumed in the week. Probably between “way too many” and “a seriously awesome amount.”

The Road to Hana

The Road to Hana is one of those typical tourist activities that “omgyouhavetodo!!!1” but kind of suck the soul out of you as you’re driving around 4,592,182 hairpin turns and over 3,975 bridges (I forgot the exact statistics but I’m sure they are somewhere close to that). BUT, the views and natural beauty of the Hawaiian coastline are totally worth it! And there’s self-service banana bread stands. Are we in heaven??

I love banana bread. You know what I love just as much? Banana macademia nut pancakes.

Enough said, nah?

Good Fish

I love seafood. It’s the thing that kept me from ever being 100% veg—I needed some fish in my life once in a while. (preferably in a raw form involving some sort of rice and seaweed…) When we were in Maui, we got to check out two very nice restaurants that were very close to our hotel, I’o and Pacific’O restaurants in Lahaina, HI. I’d recommend both and need to do a real review separately.

The Beach

It’s ironic considering I spent the last 7-8 years on the coast (4 in LA, 2+ in Mozambique, the last year in San Francisco) yet I consider myself more of a mountains type of girl. But man was it nice to hang out on the beach and not be freezing (or be swarmed by tiny African children asking for money).

Surfing (If I Can Really Call It That)

I spent about 4 hours in the surf one of the later days and all I had to show for it at the end was a brutal sunburn that is STILL peeling (it’s been 2.5 weeks!!!!) and a nasty sure-to-scar gash on my leg, but I did catch about three waves for a handful of seconds at a time. Success…

Ice Cream, Maui Made

had at least three ice cream cones from Roselani, Maui’s local ice cream place. The clear winners? Kona Mud Pie and Banana Macadamia Nut that also had toffee in it. Ice cream is one of my favorite things but it’s always too freezing here to eat it. Not in Hawaii! Holla.

Overall Maui was a really great trip. Traveling with Alyssa was wonderful and I finally was able to stop stressing out about work/responsibility/life for a few days. I do understand why many adults don’t take vacations wit what has to happen before and after, but I’m really happy that the trip was a success.

Here’s to the next tropical vacation (and may it occur sooner rather than later…)

Courtney

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I wanted to make super easy whoopie pies but wasn’t really sure of the best way to do it—I knew I’d use premade mixes but didn’t know how you used those to make a whoopee pie. And what is a whoopie pie anyways?! Life’s little mysteries…

Courtney’s Super Easy Whoopie Pies

• · 1 box Devil’s Food cake mix
• · ¾ cup water
• · 3 medium eggs
• · ½ cup vegetable oil
• · 1 large can whipped “fluffy white” frosting

Now just wait for these SUPER COMPLICATED instructions:

Preheat oven to 350. Or if you have MY oven, set the thermostat to 300, let it heat up, open oven to view internal thermometer and see it’s actually at 500 degrees. Yes, 200 degrees hotter than it says it is. Perhaps this is why I almost started a fire the first time I baked something in my apartment.

Mix cake mix, eggs, water and oil together until *most* of the powder clumps are dissolved. Drop spoonfuls of batter (I used a tablespoon to scoop) onto a greased cookie sheet. Leave some room as the cake batter spreads and thins as it bakes.

Bake until a toothpick inserted into the cake “cookies” comes out clean. For me this was right around 15 minutes per batch.

Let cool. I’d advise NOT stacking these if you can avoid it because they stick together, it roughs up the pretty, smooth surface of the cookie and just makes them uglier. See example below. Oops.

Slather some frosting on the flat side of one cake cookie. Press a similar sized cookie onto frosting to make the easiest whoopie pie you’ll ever make.

I promise I’ll try my hand at these legit, 25-ingredient whoopie pies someday. But for those of you who are as strapped for time as I am and need something for a coworker’s birthday party, hopefully this will be useful.

Happy Whoopie-ing! And have a wonderful day.

Courtney

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I tried to be as unplugged as humanly possible last week as I took my first VACATION in the year that I’ve been working to Maui, Hawaii with my friend Alyssa. I’ll be sure to do more posts about Hawaii itself including the delicious food that we ate and activities we engaged in but my first post will involve the marathon that we spontaneously ran there.

I titled my CIM race recap “the spontaneous marathon” as I decided to run it just 3 weeks before. Now, the award goes to the Maui Oceanfront Marathon, where the decision to run the full 26.2 (as opposed to the half) was made approximately 17 hours before race start time. Alyssa and I really just wanted to see 4X more of Maui’s coastline, and to remind ourselves that we are badasses. For the cost of a bottle of wine (or in our case, $10) we were officially full marathon entrants. Gulp.

We spent the day drinking margaritas (winning) and eating pizza for dinner. I was still hungry and we needed bananas so we stopped at a grocery store. In a fit of irrationality I also bought whipped cream vodka. Needless to say that bottle was never opened and is now in the hands of whichever lucky person cleaned out our rental car.

Alarms were set for 3:30AM. Mind you, this would be day 3 of vacation time and Day 1 involved a 5:30 alarm, and day 2 a 2:30AM alarm. this was not really starting out to well. It was warm when we walked out at 4AM (great sign…) to catch the bus down to Wailea. We had some announcements from the race director including shoutouts to people who had run ridiculous numbers of marathons (I think someone was at 800… please do the math on that one). We also had a traditional hawaiian blessing/song which was amazing.

Then, us 330-some full marathoners were off, jogging down the road in the pitch dark carrying flashlights. And sweating. It was HUMID! I felt like we were running 8:40s (which is definitely an effort for me) and it was more like 9:15s. So weird. We settled into a comfortable slow jog and enjoyed the sights as it grew a little bit lighter. THE MILE MARKERS COUNTED DOWN! Pain in the ass if you were doing mile laps on your Garmin, but wayyy cooler to see how many miles you had left instead.

It felt exceedingly easy until mile 10 which was a slight uphill inland into SCREAMING WIND. God. I could barely even run. Okay, I’m a wimp and complaining but it was hard! We finally saw the sun rise above the mountain at mile 11.5, which I knew meant trouble for the rest of the race. We ran the first half in 2:05, without many stops other than to fill our bottles, chat with volunteers, eat cookies (okay that may have been just me) and a “I need to catch my breath because I am dying” break right after mile 10. But other than that we were cruising.

This was so different than any race I’ve done to date. There were only 330-something marathoners, everyone was SUPER friendly, and we were actually running ON the shoulder of the road against oncoming traffic (which is much less scarier in Maui than it would be on the mainland, I’m sure). It was so fun to not be giving a rat’s ass about time and to just enjoy the experience. I laughed several times—what the heck were we doing running a marathon on vacation? Who does that?! (Okay, a ton of people I know, but that’s besides the point.)

We entered a period of rolling hills probably from mile 12 through 17. This section reminded us a lot of Big Sur as it was on jagged, hilly coastline with similar views. The hills were not insignificant and once we got to mile 15 I WAS TIRED. Let’s talk about my prep for this thing:

• Ran CIM on December 4 (7 weeks ago)
• Ran no farther than 10 miles in those 7 weeks
• Now currently running marathon on a whim

Yeah so. I was tired. I was out of shape. I started requesting more walk breaks at this point. Alyssa is a machine and could have easily just jogged the whole thing straight and been fine but I couldn’t—everything was starting to hurt by mile 18 or so. I started getting angry at myself at this point, feeling out of shape, feeling fat and heavy and SLOW and like a sucky runner, and then I just had to stop and realize hey, you didn’t train for this and YOU ARE HERE TO HAVE FUN. That’s what this day was about—fun.

It was really hot and humid at this point and at each aid station I was dumping water on me in addition to filling my bottle. I got a little dizzy at one point and stopped to drink and have some cliff bloks but other than that it was okay. We were taking it really easy which helped—I can’t imagine going all-out in this weather! It wasn’t even uncomfortably warm or anything, but you felt the humidity when running.

My feet, knee and hips started really hurting in the last 10K. Granted, I ran my first 3 marathons in stability shoes and I’d never gone longer than 10 in the super lightweight shoes I was now wearing, so it makes sense that I’d feel a little weak. Definitely needed breaks to rest and my focus became DON’T GET SORE. Those of you who have run a marathon know what I’m talking about: those days after when looking down a flight of stairs is the scariest sight imaginable. I did not want that to happen on my vacation! I wanted to SURF! So, lots of walking. Which ended up being great as I was “Long-Run sore” afterwards but no such normal marathon aches and pains. Hooray for lots of walking! And please check out the most amazing “break through the wall” aid station below. I would have been dancing with Alyssa if I had the extra energy.  (see “one mile to go” photo for evidence)

The views were really stunning, the participants were friendly and the volunteers were amazing. Even though the last miles were very hard for me and I had to count out loud to get through them, I had a really amazing time. Even though I felt bad about myself at a couple of points because of my current fitness level, I had to squash those feelings and focus on just how BLESSED I was in those moments. Here I was, in Hawaii, on a gorgeous day, running a marathon, in a body that can carry me 26.2 miles on a whim, with a great friend. What an amazing experience!

I am so, so glad we decided to do the full (even if I kind of wasn’t from miles 22-25. Ha!) It may be the only time I get to run a marathon in Hawaii. It’ll probably be the only time I’ll ever get to run a marathon with Alyssa, one of my favorite running friends who is a total speedster but graciously slowed down to share this experience with me. It may be the only time I am rewarded with a medal in the shape of a fish and four days to just sit on the beach and drink.

Despite the humidity, the huge patch of skin missing from my upper inner thigh from my running skirt, and my new marathon PW, this was one of the most fun things I have ever done. Not every race needs to be a race—some of them just need to be about celebrating the joy of running and the running community. And celebrating is much easier when you’re in Hawaii.

More Maui updates to come. Aloha!

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I have a lot of fun, usually, but also find myself occasionally wondering what happened to the carefree nature of life. Days when I’m tired, stressed, and “fun” activities become obligation.

Tonight was one of those nights. I’d paid to go to a GrubWithUs—hadn’t been to one in a long time and I love them—but it ended up being a little stressful. Work is crazy, I’m flying to San Diego tomorrow night, and I had to get to Pac Heights at a decent time. Once I found myself in Chinatown waiting for the 1 California bus, two passed me and didn’t stop because they were full. I was stressed, miserably cold, freaking out about being late, wondering how I’d get to the restaurant and then…

I realized that NO ONE WAS MAKING ME DO THIS.

Instead I walked up to Powell Street and hopped on the cable car back down to Market, enjoying the wind in my hair and one of my favorite SF traditions on a peaceful night. I walked into Forever 21 and bought a super cheap, sexy dress and $3 turquoise feather earrings because I could. I finally bought the Street Smart newspaper from a homeless person, hopped on the bus, bought a 7-pound bag of ice for $2.75 just so I could have one icy cocktail, mixed it up when I got home along with a bowl of pasta. For dessert, I ate an entire king-size chocolate bar without caring about how many miles I should run tomorrow morning to burn it off.

And I realized: I can do this. Whenever I want.

Not saying that eating a whole chocolate bar or being buzzed off of a gin and tonic on a Monday night is the key to life, but I realized that I’m constantly obeying rules for myself without even realizing it.

• I have to be working all the time.
• I always have to be checking my email.
• I have to run all the time or be feeling guilty about not running.
• I need to eat healthy and punish myself when I don’t.
• I shouldn’t eat the chocolate. I shouldn’t have the cocktail.
• I have to follow through on every. single. obligation. regardless of how important it actually is or how I am feeling in my mind, body, and spirit.
• I should be doing something more productive right now.
• I should lose 5 pounds to be sexier and skinnier. I should feel bad about my body until I do so.
• I need to constantly project a certain image.
• I have to obey one million ideas that no one’s forcing me to do.

Well I’m done with this. I’m ready to spend more time being selfish. I’m ready to spend more time doing things that make me feel good. Because I’m awesome. I’m done doing everything for everyone else and I’m going to focus on me and what makes me happy, whether that’s running 7 miles before 7 or not waking up til 11 or eating a fresh salad or the entire chocolate bar or going to bed at 9PM or 3AM or going out and not having a drink or going out and having several or taking an extended lunch break because we all know I get my work done or working through the whole day so I can turn my computer off at 5PM and not touch it til the next morning. I’m going to spend my time how I WANT to spend my time, whether that’s out with a bunch of friends or home drinking cocoa in my jammies or waking up early to exercise or deciding that in no way I’m going to exercise today or prioritizing happiness and pleasure. Because I’m awesome.

I’m done hanging out with friends when it feels like a chore.

I’m done sitting home alone when it feels like a prison.

I’m done thinking of what others expect before I think about what truly makes me happy.

Lord knows I keep healthy. Lord knows I’m good at my job. Lord knows I’m dedicated. That’s not the question. The question is how much joy I take out of the small moments.

I’m resolving to be more hedonistic in the small moments.

• I’ll get off the bus a stop early to get hot chocolate for less than $2.
• I’ll walk the long way back to the bus after work to think.
• I’ll eat the chocolate or the ice cream or the fried chicken.
• I’ll waste time doing something that feels like anything but a waste.
• I’ll look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I’m gorgeous. I’ll have a dance party with myself and not care who is watching.
• I’ll flirt with whoever I want, be it the guy on the bus or at the store or anywhere else, just because it’s fun.
• I’ll stop trying to apologize for the fact that I am sexy yet strong, smart and sweet and a whole ball of sass rolled into one.
• I’ll stop trying to live up to other’s expectations and set my own.

Because I’m awesome. And I deserve it. And so do you.

Why do we as women put so much pressure on ourselves, in work, in relationships, at home, in life? Why do we feel like taking time for ourselves is selfish or lazy or unproductive? It’s not. If we all were a little more selfish with our time, if we were all a bit better at saying NO, at expressing how we ACTUALLY feel instead of convincing ourselves that we’re overreacting, at eating the chocolate, at dumping the dude who makes you feel bad about yourself, at hiring that babysitter or house cleaner or pickup/delivery laundry service or whatever small thing to make our life easier, the entire world would be a better place.

There’s a place for selfless sacrifice in every day. But there’s also a time to stop caring about who thinks what and what you should be doing and concentrate on what you want to be doing so that YOU feel fulfilled, refreshed and more energetic and happy than ever and can apply that to every area of your life. I’m doing that… because I can.

Join me.

(PS, if you’re ever in need of a pick me up, listen to the Dollyrots’ song Because I’m Awesome while singing along in your jammies. It’s a guaranteed mood booster. It might even prompt an inane blog post about your self-appointed awesomeness.)

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Bright and early on Saturday morning, we headed down to Huddart Park in Woodside for the Coastal Trail Runs’ Crystal Springs event.

Alyssa and I were both a bit nervous about the fact that this race was pretty much up a mountain. See, I get tired on the hills of Golden Gate Park and those are anthills compared to this. I was committed to walking up all the big hills and just trying to have fun.

Showing up, the vibe was TOTALLY different than road races. People were friendly but also hardcore. Some of these people were the “I eat a 50K for breakfast every Sunday” types and they scared me but also made me kind of want to be them. We got there just in time to see Aron off on her 22, then Naomi left for her 5 and Alyssa and I were left with trail expert Kabri who went over the ins and outs of how this whole shebang worked.

I was kind of terrified.

Soon, they said “go” and we ran about 0.1 mile just to stop for a few minutes in a complete bottleneck as the runners entered the trail. No one cared, it was chill. No screaming or “I’M SUPPOSED TO BE RUNNING SUB-8 PACE!” or anything else—we were all joking and laughing. Soon we were en route and running along a fire road.

The first two miles were nice—slow, calm, rollers but no mountain, yet.

Then the mountain hit.

I am not strong on hills. Okay, I LOVE rolling hills. I thought CIM’s hills were PERFECT, I’d take that over a flat course any day. But big hills? I kind of sputter and die and have passed out cold on the side of the road before you even realized I wasn’t behind you anymore. So then we started climbing a mountain and I sputtered and died. Somewhere between mile 2 and 3 I was actually trying to formulate a way to tell Alyssa that I was turning around and going back.

Mile 1: 12:35

Mile 2: 12:11

Mile 3: 13:03

But then we hit mile 3 and I realized it was three miles back to the start for M&Ms or three miles up a hill to the aid station for M&Ms so I might as well give it a go.

.

Damn, that thing was hard. I was walking a ton and wasn’t even recovering on the walks because it felt more like speed hiking. I realized how ignorant I was of trail running and how I really had no idea how to pace myself, when to walk or what strategies to use at all! It’s such a different mental game. I felt very humbled by my inability to conquer nary the smallest hill on the course. I really didn’t think we would ever get to the top. But eventually somehow we did.

Mile 4: 16:16 (yes, really…)

Mile 5: 15:48 (yes, really…)

Mile 6: 19:00 (…)

I took a gu at mile 4.5 – I usually gu every 6 miles in a race, but it had already been over an hour by the time we got to mile 4.5 and more than three hours since I’d taken in any calories so it was very much needed. Though, gel on the trail tasted disgusting for some reason—I wanted real food. And at mile 6 (aid station) I was rewarded.

PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY AND OREOS. This may have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Ever.

I dropped one of the oreos on the ground and picked it up immediately—no way was I letting that go so easily. I put it in my glove that I was carrying to save for the way back. Yes, I ran 3 miles with an oreo in my glove. Best decision ever.

I also ran into Dorna from Lazy Chick Runs Too at the aid station! I knew she looked familiar. So funny! She was also getting beat down by the trail like I was but remained happy – it was great to meet her!

Going back was so fun. Downhill! Me wanting to fling myself off the mountain turned into me actually having a really good time. A and I were talking about Ogden, running downhill, what hurt (everything) and the general jabber and the last four miles went by quite quickly. Yes, four. The course was actually ten miles. Following in the theme of running races much shorter than advertised. Kabri, who came in fourth in her AG, finished 20 minutes ahead of us and also clocked 9.5 miles. The mystery of trail running.

Mile 7: 11:24

Mile 8: 11:42

Mile 9: 11:57

Mile 10: 9:06 (WOOOOOOOO!! SUB 10!!!!!!!!)

Overall, it took me 2 hours and 13 minutes to run ten miles. That is a 13:20 pace. Some people finished the marathon and 50K at sub-8 pace! I have such newfound respect (and awe and disbelief…) for trail runners. What a different mental game! But at least there are things like cookies at the end.

Afterward, I felt like I’d run a marathon or ten. My ankles were stiff, knees were angry, shoulders sore from keeping me upright. I felt like an old woman! But I am so glad I did it. I am looking forward to running more trails. It really is beautiful. I just need to learn the mental game and really not care about the fact that I’m doing more hiking than running. : )

And then lunch was fries and an unpictured Banana Oreo Snow with large tapioca from Quickly heaven.

Fun stuff. I’m going to have to do this again soon. Once everything doesn’t hurt anymore.

Courtney

Ever done trail running? What do you prefer – road or trail?

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First up: a New Years’ Eve Recap, or, more specifically, the New Years Dash 5K recap.

Backstory: this was going to be my first 5K as a runner. Besides one I ran in 2005 that took me 35 minutes. This year, I ran three marathons and zero 5Ks. Basically, I hate running fast and don’t know how to. So I decided I was going to run this 5K to give me a “base” 5K time to work on. My goal was to beat 25 minutes, which would mean running 8 minute miles for 3.1 miles. This would be EXTREMELY hard for me, but I was committed to redlining it and holding on as long as humanly possible. The course scared me, though—it was a mile downhill on JFK and then mile two was straight back uphill. Barf! I decided to try to do a 7:50 first mile so I could do an 8:10 second mile back up the hill. I picked #24 because I wanted a 24 in front of my time.

The race was very casual and even had me laughing at times, super informal but it was no big deal—I was just counting on my Garmin for time. At 9:45AM we were off and started screaming down JFK. I wanted to keep Alyssa in my sight for as long as possible (i.e. not long) and tore through the first mile in 7:22. This is the fastest mile I have run this year without stopping. But then we turned around and plowed right through a wet field. Yes, you read that right. I was slipping all over the place on the wet grass, plus it was uphill—I think I saw a 9:15 pace on my Garmin! Then it was back out to the steep uphill part of the road. I felt like I was dying and mile two beeped 8:41. I had to laugh at that point (even though I didn’t really have any energy to do so). 8:41?!?! In a 5K? Oh well—I figured I could scream around Stow Lake, clock a 7:45 and still go sub-25.

I did pick manage to hold my “I feel like death” pace around Stow Lake and when I was careening down the hill out of Stow Lake I was at 7:45 pace. I had 2.75 miles on the Garmin in just over 22 minutes and I knew I was made. But then the finish line happened! After 2.87 miles! I was so confused—part of me wanted to knock out the final .23 miles but there were people standing around in my way so I just stopped.

Turned out we weren’t supposed to go through that slip n’ slide of a meadow! The course wasn’t clearly marked and someone tore across it so everyone followed suit. So I still have no 5K time but a new 2.87 mile PR of 22:44. The great thing is that even if I had slowed a bit from the speed I had down the finish I would have finished in 24:30, thirty seconds faster than planned. So I plan to enter a new *flat* 5K and push for a sub-24. I think I can do it.

I enjoyed the time after the run with the amazing Katie (2place), Alyssa, Cate, Alisyn, Kabri, and Renee, and got to see Jojo and Erin from SFM as well! Katie poured my mimosa. It was a GENEROUS pour aka a red cup full of champagne with a tiny bit of OJ on top. Then my friend called and said she was already on the bay bridge (she was staying with me for New Years) so I chugged it down and decided to run the two miles home. Note: running 7 miles, including 3 at 5K pace, then chugging a mimosa and running through the Haight with new years beads on and holding a party horn is a really great way to start the NYE festivities.

I am bummed I didn’t get a 5K time but am excited for the next one I do with no huge uphill and no wet meadow. : )

Other New Years festivities included watching my beloved UCLA Bruins play an absolutely atrocious football game, finally meeting the Oscar Meijer Weinermobile, and wearing a very sparkly and very short gold dress.

A week-belated HAPPY NEW YEAR to everybody! This week I’ll finally post about some awesome new desserts I’ve created (very important…), my 2012 resolutions and my race recap from my first race of the year (spoiler alert: 13+ minute average pace. Watch out world.)

Courtney

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I had just sat down with my laptop around 8PM to do a little productive work on the 1st of the year to get it started off right, after quite the lazy day. Only minutes afterward I heard a woman screaming outside, in a bone-chilling way, and the sirens of police cars. Mind you, I live in a cute house on a hill in San Francisco, this doesn’t usually happen right here. I called my neighbor to see what was going on and that’s when the fire trucks came. Several. The street was rapidly filling with red and white lights and that’s when I went outside and saw the smoke billowing from the house three doors down.

Initial reaction was slight panic. It’d be fine, right? Firefighters do this stuff every day. I was outside and then I went back into my apartment with the door still open. Then the commotion around grew louder and people start streaming out of their houses. A policewoman banged on the door and said words I’d never heard in this context – “we need you to get out.”

I grabbed the duffel bag in front of me and it was like the world stopped. There I was standing in the middle of my apartment as chaos was erupting in the streets and I was focused, in that millisecond, on the age-old question: what do I take with me?

I threw in my computers, phone charger, purse, passport, and camera. Luckily I keep all those things together, but more intentionally for an earthquake—not this. Then I grabbed a pair of jeans and my makeup “for work tomorrow.” Irrational, but in that millisecond, it was what I thought about. At this point, 15 seconds have passed at most and I found myself in the middle of the room heading out. What do I take? I grabbed my three full marathon medals off the wall, my journal, and a framed photo of me with great friends that was in arms reach. I took one glance around and had only one coherent thought: I would be okay without these things. Then I closed my door and walked out. (Don’t worry—I took these below pictures well after the fact. No photos happened until after I realized things would be okay)

When we were told to evacuate, I was not in imminent physical danger. The fire had not spread to my house. But fires have been running rampant over The City, and when I closed my door, I didn’t know if I’d see my belongings again. Two doors down isn’t much when you’re in old Edwardians. (Below stunning photo by Pete Briones who got some shocking shots of the fire)

When I was out, the flames were licking the sky, two structures fully ablaze. We were pushed all the way up to the street corner as more and more fire trucks and emergency personnel arrived. At one point, the wind picked up slightly and the embers from the flames were falling on the roof of my building. In that moment, I was waiting for what seemed to be inevitable. In that moment I was feeling three somewhat discordant things simultaneously:

• Wow, I’m an idiot for not getting renter’s insurance, and that tab has been open on my laptop for a full week. Guess I’ll be the poster child for all my friends to get it.
• Man, it would really suck to lose everything.
• If this happens, everything is going to be okay.

The last one was a bit weird but sitting out there, with neighbors wondering if our house would go up in flames, I lost the utter anxiety that had overwhelmed me and realized that I might lose everything but I would bounce right back. I was tweeting during the fire and the outpouring of love and support I received was amazing and left me at peace—realizing that even if I lost everything I owned, and it was my fault because I live in an old house with no insurance, I had people that loved me and that’s what mattered.

And then all of a sudden the fire was contained.

Three buildings are heavily damaged. I don’t know the residents of those units personally, but my heart goes out to them. I can’t imagine what they’re going through right now and I wish them peace and an outpouring of love. In the end, everyone was okay. Praise the Lord.

Once I realized the place I lived wasn’t going to go up in flames the adrenaline crash left me queasy and feeling like I was watching a movie instead of living it. After what seemed like hours of sitting outside watching the madness unfold, we were led back to our unit by a cop under “shelter in place” conditions (aka stay inside or talk to the firefighters outside if anything is wrong). The fire ladder was still on the roof, but somehow we were okay. When I walked into my apartment and things were as they’d been, I was shocked. In that time, I had gone through shock and anger and then acceptance that I might be homeless. To walk in hours later and for the place to look untouched—it was insane.

I feel so incredibly blessed today. If there had just be a little more wind, or had the SFFD been just slightly slower, I could be writing a very, very different blog post today. My thoughts are with my neighbors who suffered losses last night. I truly feel an outpouring of gratefulness for so many things—the San Francisco Fire Department, the rare still night, friends who offered support if things had gone otherwise, for this building that I adore so much to still be standing. Grateful for the moments that take you out of your trivial problems and make you realize what really does matter. People, not things.

Here I am, writing this blog post, in my intact apartment, just one day later. Nothing happened—but yet everything did.

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