'PANGUY-AB'

Kill me now!!

2012-01-18T20:42:00.000Z

There are times in our life that we want to kill ourselves. And I can say that, this day is one of those times.

I just had an exam today, Economics- a retake from last year after failing it badly. This time I was ready. I know what I was writing. I know what I am talking. The only thing I missed out is I over know everything. Yes!

You may not understand what I am saying but let me try to put it into analogy. It is like when you are cooking something. You are a chef, you know how to do it, you got complete ingredients the only problem is your just cooking a scrambled egg. I know it is much more confusing compared to my first statement but yeah it's just disappointing.

I am not really worried of failing it if it was a complete dumb but in my case, I know it. that's the frustrating part. So right now. I just don't know what to do. I want to bang my head until I feel no pain and bleed internally and just sleep forever.

I hate failing and what I hate more is failing the second time. It is twice painful than death.

A different Friday.

2011-11-18T23:32:00.000Z

Today was an amazing day. I mean amazing in a sense that it's different compared to my usual Fridays.
Usually, I finish college by 3:15, in the afternoon of course and what I I do after is I go home directly and spend the rest of my day doing something unproductive. So does this mean that I was productive today? not either.

I finished college 1 pm today because my teacher is not in, but instead of going home straight and continue my life in front of the computer, I chose to stay for couple of hours and spend it playing Ultimate Frisbee and Football. I never been into physical stuff for almost a 6 months now and I tell you, after the game, everything just went so wrong.

After two hours of running and chasing the Frisbee and another hour chasing the ball. I can feel my vision getting blurry and my blood is going in circles. I can hardly walk after that. This is a sign that maybe I should exercise sometimes.

Though, it was only five of us, a guy from Oxford uni, my classmate and the other 2 from college, we still had fun, I guess. but sad to say that this might be the only time I'll be able to play the game in such kind of physical demand. Next Friday, everything will be back to normal- teacher is back and again I finish at 3. back to boredom.

But yeah, the good thing is, my body was able to see pain again after a long time. When I say pain, it is not literal just something beyond the boundaries of my usual physical activity. My poor performance earlier only suggests that I am over-consumed by my laptop and tv and that I should probably see the world more often.

But yeah, all in all, day was amazing!! :D

Anger!!

2011-11-17T23:45:00.015Z

I hardly get angry, I get annoyed a lot but that's just it. If I am angry, I know I am angry. And if my memory serves me right, I only got angry 3 times since I was 17. I really don't like the feeling. I hate feeling angry because I know I am beyond my self-control and my boundaries. And I always try to control my temper as much as possible because Anger just makes me feel like dying in a sense.

The guy in this photo is not me, I just copied this from Google.

I want to share the times where I got angry but It's a bit personal to write something about this simply because this involves other people but I just thought that maybe I should, just to lessen the things that is running into my head but I would probably try not to talk that much.

The first time was when my sister insisted something that is impossible-it is actually possible but the risk is so big that you can't get over it. It wasn't directly me and her conversation, rather it was actually her and our mum who were talking. I just entered their talk because I was pissed off over her irrationality. I shouted at her and after that, my hand just when shaking and my head was so heavy and I felt that my heart pumped 3 times the normal. From that experienced, I realized that I might be susceptible from heart attack or even worse. I tried not to get angry from then on.

The second time was early this year. I was in my room when my sister came in and called me because our parents are arguing [for some stupid reasons]. And the one thing I hate the most is being bothered just for a stupid argument. You can argue all you want for as long as you argue in your own space and your own expense but the moment you bother me and it will affect me, I go mental. So I stood up and went inside their room and shouted twice their voice and just punched the wall. The same thing happened to me after, my eyes bulging, I was breathing deeper, my heart pumping much faster and my hands are shaking- I really don't like that feeling- it was very bad.

The third time was the other day, the same reason like of the first one but in this case it was my mum who's being irrational. Our argument was not about who is right, I am not claiming that am right but I am trying to point out that she was wrong. And another thing I really really hate is when a person is not that open-minded and that she can't accept any possibility. I lost my temper. My Buddhist mantra was broken. I felt my blood pressure rising. My head about to erupt and I started to speak German. I immediately called my sister and informed her what happened and told her to talk to our mum. And until now, me and my mum still aren't talking.

Life isn't beautiful at all.

2011-11-16T00:35:00.001Z

It is a bit unusual for me to write two posts in just one sitting but for now, I just can't help it.

I am looking for some interesting news in the net when I came across this link which intrigued me because it claimed to be the most expensive photo ever sold. So I opened the link and read the article and it was actually a legit article. I read further and I saw the photo which is not that grandeur or eye-catching but it says that it costs about $4.3 million in an auction. I was shocked- my initial reaction was 'God, I can buy a similar thing in ebay for just less than a grand.'

Photo below is the one which I mentioned earlier, the world's most expensive picture. Whether it is placed in a golden frame or covered in diamonds, for me, this doesn't worth any millions.

$4.3 million can feed several thousand of families for a year. The opportunity cost for this photo is so massive which makes me cry my heart out.

And so I asked myself, is this how fucked up our society is? And then I started to reminisce my experiences of how fucked the world is- like what happened to me when I was still in Iloilo, wherein there are couple of girls walking along the plaza talking how shit their love lives are while there is a dirty boy, wearing ripped clothes and got nothing to eat asking for a extra penny. The girls just walked straight and as if they've seen no one and continue talking rubbish.-- very disappointing.

So I asked, is this the new trend? --buying something worthless instead of sharing or maybe talking about our love-lives instead of thinking about how to lessen world's burden. I don't know! It seems selfish, impractical and stupid.

Is this the product of our ruined society? a product of mis-education? If it is, then the words of Jose Rizal, Martin Luther King, and Gandhi about hope and future just went to nothing. And I am very sorry for the next generations and for myself that I am a part of this damned society. a society which is filled with complete hypocrisy, selfishness and rubbish.

Many will say that 'Life is beautiful', maybe! but If you are to see every corner of your streets, look behind the luxurious houses, and be in the position of a farmer. you will see a different story and you'll realized that life isn't beautiful at all and not even close.

the continuation...

2011-11-15T22:29:00.001Z

When I was young, aged 7-8 I guess, I had this childhood sweetheart, or probably much more appropriate to say a friend or a playmate. I am older than her by a 3 years and I may sound very confident but I was her crush during those childhood years. To give a bit of spice on our childhood love story, she often gives me some love notes; she writes something on a piece of paper and put the note in our front door. sweet ain't it? though it sound silly but yes, this is the gift of immaturity.

But our friendship didn't make it that far because after couple of years, they moved out to Batangas and I never heard anything from her.

After a long time, I just heard that they're back in Iloilo. But it seems that we already got our own set of priorities that we have failed to get close to each other and to mention that we are already old enough to understand the shame for our childhood silliness.

And the story just ended there.

or maybe not.

We are friends in Facebook- Oh yes, and though I hate to admit this but it is positive, Facebook got a big part in building [our] story. We unknowingly become closer together, I can't remember how it started but it just happened. And the most incomprehensible thing that happened is, I feel in love.

In theory, this can't happen. but I am sorry to say that theories have its limitations and so as mine- I never seem to understand the idea but let say I fell in love.

But I still can't fathom the rationality behind this. Given the fact that we haven't seen each other for years, it happened in Facebook and we are thousand miles apart. Also, if this is love, why happen now? and not when I was in high school or in college?

At the moment, I am afraid to realize that maybe we/I am not mature enough to understand these happenings. I am afraid to realize that this is just a continuation of our immature love story and that in the end, this story won't have any future and will only be just a part of our respective stories. But I am hoping it is not. fingers crossed.

Life starts at 20! I agree.

2011-11-14T23:42:00.001Z

I am 20 years old. I may physically look like 15 years old and my mentality seems younger compared to my age but I tell you, I am 20.

So what is with being 20?

Most of us will probably be graduating in college or university by this age, some might already move out from their family and few probably have their own kids and wife/wives[if some aren't contented] but it is different in my case- I am 20 and I am only about to start my university life next year. I still live with my parents and so far, I am glad to say that I do not have any kids yet and wife/wives.

I am currently on my second year of A levels, I don't know how to explain this in regards to Philippine education system but it seems that it is a preparatory for university life. After this A levels, I will proceed to University taking mathematics and physics in a good university, I hope.

Supposedly, I am about to graduate in Political Science next year or the year after but it seems that destiny does not want me to become a political scientist rather society wants to over-educate and build me to become a [great] Physicist somehow. :)

I came here in UK without knowledge about the education system. I never expected to stay here this long and continue my studies in here. I was only hoping to see a glimpse of England and go back to the Philippines- back to UP and back to Political Science. But that was not the case; what happened is that I came here, realized that I won't be able to come home any sooner so decided to take a Diploma course in Business and everything just went chaotic. Now, I found myself taking A levels. So yeah, I started again from the beginning and as what you see, I am 20 years old, still studying and jealous with my friends who are about the enter the dungeon of reality.

In short, I feel left out.

It is frustrating to admit that I still need another 4 years before I graduate in university and have my degree. Just thinking of that '4' years- it seems like forever. But it's not actually being left out that I am worried about but the sense of fear. Fear that after that 4 years, after that over-education and after over-exceeding stay in school, I am afraid that I might not be able to suffice the society's expectation; family's dreams and friends anticipations. I am afraid to fail them and fail to give them what they have waited for.

So yes, maybe they are right to say that life starts at 20. But well oh well, what do I expect, there is no such thing as easy life.

To eat or to sleep, That's the question!

2011-11-03T19:32:00.000Z

To eat or to sleep.

PROBLEM:

The problem of whether to sleep or to eat; Every time I come home from work, especially on a Sunday, I am so tired and hungry that all I want to do is either go directly to bed OR eat loads and loads and loads of food. Take note it is an OR not AND. It may sound a bit crazy problem but for me, this is one of my life's unsolvable issue. For some, you can actually say, just eat then go to bed after but it is not the same in my case.

My problem is, if I go to bed immediately, I won't be able to eat and I'll be feeling hungry while I'm in the middle of my sleep the worst is, if I get a nightmare as a subconscious reflection of my hunger. In a case of eating, the glucose from the food seems to react so quickly that my 'wanting to sleep' vanishes and it will take me another 3-4 hours to get back that drowsiness feeling.

[I finish 11 pm from work and arrive home by about 11:30. I need to wake up 6:30 am and get ready for my 9 pm college]

So if my maths serves me right, If I eat on exact 11:30, I will go to bed 2:30-3:30 and my sleeping hours will only be 3-4 hours. See?

SOLUTIONS:

1. Milk!! Based on my mum, milk is an effective way to make someone want to sleep. I am not sure whether there is a basis for that but I am afraid in my case, it does not work. I tried drinking a glass of milk but no effect.

2. Medicine! I am not a fan of any medicine/multivitamins. This is against my beliefs. I am a strong supporter of evolution and I always believe that human body has its way of fixing itself. The moment we start to take medicines/vaccines/supplement, our bodies fixing abilities stop to evolve and we become more reliant to these stuff, our body fails to adapt into the real nature. :) So this solution was abandoned.

3. Don't sleep and don't eat. This is most of the time what I am doing. I can't explain why I prefer this solution but I just find it fair in both cases.

I find sleeping as important as with eating. So I can't easily choose which one to prefer unless there is certain scenarios like no class or there's an exam the next day. But in normal cases, it is kinda tricky. How much more in a real life, I mean in a larger scope. This problem made me understood how difficult it is to allocate attention and time that the opportunity cost of each choices can not be taken for granted.

......

2011-10-29T02:49:00.000+01:00

'At last'

These are the first words I said just after I opened my blog. Wow, It's been awhile- and yes loads of things happened and loads of things I expected didn't happen as well and I'm not sure where to begin my story. but probably, let me start by saying that this is my first post as a 20 year old man [but I feel like I'm getting younger instead].

So for a long time, what have changed? -Many; from weather to people; it would surely take me ages if I write everything but for now what runs inside my head is that feeling that at last I'm back. I am not so sure though whether I can keep up a regular entry but well oh well, if time and interest will allow me then why not.

I am thinking of ending this post now but it's kinda disappointing to end my first entry as a 20 year old with just this plain write-ups. So maybe I should continue writing or let's say typing even though I am not sure where these words will end up to.

I am looking at a doll at the moment, hoping it'll move and ask me if I am all right. creepy, yes. but I just can't helped it. Everything is so quite that all I can hear is the noise from the keyboard and the noise from my laptop's fan. Maybe I'm just tired or maybe this is the sign of my insane nature but whatever the reason is, I still want to see the doll move and smile. And just if ever it'll ask me if I'm okay, I'm not sure really of my answer. [sidetrack]

It's 2:39 am now. though I want to stay late but my body just don't feel like staying up. I'm afraid to say that I'm off to bed. Guten nacht! :)

Picture with me??

2011-08-02T00:50:00.000+01:00

It's Tuesday already and it's been 3 days ago since I experienced that one amazing happening. So what happened?

It was Saturday, 30th of July. I just started my shift and I was in the till. 15 minutes later there was this Swiss girl who's a usual customer in our shop. She paid for some stuff and asked a very strange question. 'Can I take a picture of you?'. Maybe it's not strange but it's kinda awkward that I was working in there and then she just suddenly showed up and ask to take a picture of me. I raised my eyebrow. I replied, 'what for?' then she immediately answered, 'Oh actually, can I take a picture WITH you?'. and then I raised my other eyebrow. I was shocked. 'Why? Did I do something wrong?' I replied. She said 'No, it's just that I'm going to Italy next Monday and I ain't coming back'.

I asked her why. She then answered that she's going in there for 4 years to work and that she hopes that she can come back. She again asked me if I can take a picture with her. I don't know what to say but because I'm afraid to insult her I agreed. She asked her friend to take a picture of us after that. Freaking weird! :)

She's a usual customer in our shop. I actually recognized her because she's one among several gorgeous customers we have and I remember asking her the first time she came in there if she's English or not.

Not that I'm bragging but I'm actually one among several customer assistant with a good customer service in our shop. I always receive positive feedback in our 'customer book' and praise from customer saying that I'm so cool and so polite and amazing [though I find it normal in the Philippines]. But that experience was very overwhelming in a sense.

This is actually the second time- the first time was when a Japanese girl asked to have picture with me after a seductively tried to attract. lol!!

-End

Summary of this week.

2011-06-28T00:46:00.001+01:00

I'm currently watching a documentary right now regarding some snakes but just out of nowhere, it seems that i felt the venom of my failure again-still can't get over it-and so i need to write something or anything to lessen my burden.

So i'll write about a summary of what happened this week.

Saturday:
We celebrated my nephew's birthday. Though it was a bit mentally exhausting-the noise and chaos, still, it was fun..and after 6 months of alcohol free life, i've met a bottle of jack daniels again.

Sunday:
It was a very very hot day. We almost done nothing because the temperature was soaring to 29 degrees celsius. Crazy, ain't it? But well, because my sister is going back to Philippines the next day,then we need to do a lot of preparation.

Monday:
Meah's home sweet home. We woke early to do some final preparation and we head off to heathrow. It's a hot day as well,so when we arrived to the airport,we are all sweating-aircon just seems to be useless. The rest of the day was nothing but pure laziness. So hot that my energy drains so easily.

Tomorrow:
I'm scheduled to go to an open day and i'm excited because i'll be meeting new people again-interesting people. Haha.

For now, i'm off to bed.

-end

Monday

posted from Bloggeroid

Regrets!

2011-06-24T01:14:00.001+01:00

Regrets!

I'm currently amidst crisis right now and for sensitive reasons, i don't want to go very specific with it.

Overview:
I'm a person who's afraid to fail. Though i am a gambler but honestly speaking, i gamble when i'm certain that i'll win or if ever i'll lose, it won't hurt my pride and ego. And now, it's a bit too late to realize that this strategy that i'm using is a actually a losers' tactic.

I admit that never in my life(school life) have i had put my very best nor give my very determination to achieve something. If ever some find me successful and admiring during my elementary and high school life, then that's not because i'm good or excellent but rather because i was just lucky.

I regret the fact that for all these years i've been playing safe. That i've been trying to avoid failure by acting average. And the worst thing is, i failed to learn some important wisdoms.

Today, i'm regretting that if only I
focused in my high school, if only i didn't procrastinate and never practiced the art of cramming, i should have been beyond where i am right now. And i hate it because it's too late.

Yes, i must say that eventhough i have enjoyed my past years and that i've experienced fun but in terms of game of excellence, i'm actually a loser by default.

I regret that i failed to realize this before. Damn it! But to anyone reading this, pity me, pity me badly and make sure that you ain't doing the same mistakes that i've done. :(

Wow. This entry is a bit serious. Ain't it? You might be thinking what I've experienced to create such dramatic entry. Alright then, let's just say, i was 2 steps behind the doors of my dreamed utopia but i can no longer make it forward because i failed the bloody requirements. Shit! Ugh! I hate myself.

-end!

posted from Bloggeroid

My calculator. bow!! :)

2011-03-29T01:32:00.000+01:00

[00:27]

I'm pretty bored that I got nothing interesting topic to write but about my calculator.

I bet the readers of this blog are aware about my recently bought [actually its been 2 months old already] telescope. And I'm sure that everyone knows how overjoyed I am having that telescope. Not only that I started to uncover what's beyond this world rather it feels like my search for intellectual satisfaction is starting to echo into my consciousness and just by gazing into the sky, it seems that absolute wisdom, and my questions beyond and beneath Earth is starting to unravel.

Though I wasn't been able to post pictures as I promised, but I can give I short words to what I've seen [with my telescope]--- 'It's far beyond imagination and much more amazing than what you've read in books or seen in television'

And so after investing to a telescope, what's next? obviously, as what the title suggests---- Calculator.

Recently, just about 7 hours ago, I received my calculator! not just a calculator it's a £100 (7000 pesos) worth of calculator. wtf?? why the heck would I buy a £100 calculator?? let me answer that question.. uhmm?? because I'm a geek [?]!! but honestly, I need this for my exam. [don't ask me if what kind of exam] :)

When I was in the Philippines, I/we never actually use a calculator, we did, but it was just in a short period of time or I say during trigonometry[sin/cos/tan topic] and statistics lessons and the rest were solved and done manually, and so I'm not really inclined into things like 'calculator'. Here, in place where people is almost reliant to technology, there's a high demand of investing in technology especially if you're a 'geek' or lethargic or someone who wants to achieve intellectual excellence in a incomparable process as compared to the typical method. Now I'm talking like a geek!

Before I lost track, I'll tell you more about my calculator. So far, it's is the most comprehensive type of calculator in the line-up of graphing/scientific/financial calculators of HP! interesting, isn't it? HP 50g!
I was thinking of buying of a cheaper graphing calculator like about £30 but I was thinking that if I'll become a physicist, engineer, market analyst, and a teacher, I might actually need such in-depth type of calculator like HP 50g. And if destiny is cruel and I won't lead into either of those mentioned professions, then I can donate my calculator to my Alma Mater and let the students and teachers benefit from it. It's a win-win situation. :)

that's why I bought it and it's now in my possession. whahahaha!! :D

What I like more about this calculator is that it's not only a calculator built to solve the hardest equations or mathematical problem but it is also built for effective teaching - just attach the usb cord to the calculator and attach the other end to a projector and woop, the whole class can see what's in it. amazing, isn't it? :)

And if you're bored and tired of all the programs in it, you can't create your own program and upload it in the calculator. haha!!

I think, you've read a lot already. So I'll end this entry here. and by the way, for as long as you can do it manually, then just do it manually. Calculators and other techs are just some sort of support for puny people who can't cope up with rapid societal changes. So pity them and pity me because I'm one them.

-End

...Just some crap things!!!

2011-03-23T18:59:00.000Z

[18:15]

I'm a bit confused and agitated and bothered now for an unknown reason. So I thought maybe I should share write something in this blog hoping that it would help me lessen my agitation. So what am I currently thinking?? I don't know honestly- loads of random thoughts and nonsense ideas as usual. I've been thinking of loads of stuff today, yesterday, a day ago- almost everyday. It's like I'm being pressure with something. It's like time is forcing me to move, move fast. I know kinda weird and it's kind insane as well.

So before this gets worst better write and tell a bit of what I'm thinking.

Exams: I got 10 exams on May and the pressure of getting a good[high] grades is getting into my body and soul!! I know I can get good grades, but the thing is, I can't be bothered to put effort. Besides, It's against my philosophy. I believe and think that I do not need high grades but the crap thing in this society is that it demands me/us of something which is not even necessary.

Time: I know it's a bit unusual to see and know someone who is being problematic about timeand yes, maybe I'm a bit unusual. This is not not about schedule or what. When I say time I mean time-span. Though I am young but I still think that I'm too old ..ugh!! can't be bothered to explain much more about this. It makes me more agitated and pressured.

Stuff: I want to buy loads of things not because I want it but I need it but the problem is, but I'm foreseeing[expecting] a much more necessary thing to waste money on. uhmm??

Work: I'm not sure if I mentioned how I enjoyed my work. how I love serving customers, talking to them and knowing their lives and understand their personality and getting used of what they buy in the shop but It's 8 months and things are being coming too easy and becoming boring as well. The fun, the challenge, the excitement is gone because you know everything. I want to quit, honestly! I just want to quit and work as a volunteer in Cancer Research or do some unpaid apprenticeship in bank or business office. but the bloody thing is, I'm pressured to earn and to share what I earn. Now I know what it feels like to be a parent or a responsible person. lol

There are still loads of things that I'm thinking as of that moment but it seems that writing in this blog sure is effective decreasing my agitation and clearing my baffled thinking. So I'll end my entry here.

-End

UK and Philippines Education System

2011-03-12T00:40:00.002Z

[23:06]

I've been here in United Kingdom (UK) for almost 2 years and for that long, I've met different kinds of people and been in different kinds of learning environment. And I'll try to compare the education here with the education in the Philippines.

Arts and Sciences

I took Political Science in the Philippines for a year and now I'm currently taking a subject in Economics. In my experiences and observations, I find UK much interesting in this field of teaching. The reason why I think so is that,There's no superior in class; there is no big difference between the teachers' and the students' power in class and that makes the students more vocal without the teacher throwing chalk or eraser at them. So teaching Psychology, Economics, Politics and alike is exciting and interesting because students are becoming more reactive. I also find it interesting that there seems to be no sense of ''that's wrong'' in class, there's only 'not really' or 'not quite' or 'it just not right'. In the Philippines, the idea of what is right and what is wrong is very obvious that in the long run, students failed to participate more because of fear of being wrong. :)

Maths and Sciences

In our maths class which comprised of about 35 students that came from different parts of the world, I would say that I'm the smartest [narcissism aside]. I got this Chinese classmate that I mentioned in my previous post and which I say is a genius, but, that is when you take for granted her limitations. So how could I say that 'I'm the smartest'?. My classmates are reliant to calculators, books, and previous teachings. What they lack is the logic. I'm not saying that I can always answer the hardest question but what I'm sure is that I can deduce the question and I can arrive to the right answer and I think that's what they miss. And to rely on a calculator for solving single digits like 9*8 is such a disappointment. What I learned in maths when I was in high school was not really to answer a question rather to think more and more and arrive to an answer[I don't know if that's what our teachers want as to learn or just coincidence].

In General!

For a creature like me, which is half man half robot, I would probably say that the teaching way of UK fits me much better as compared to Philippines' way of teaching. But I'm not implying that UK's teaching is better, what I'm saying is that the advancement in technology of UK gives me a much better end in my learning process as compared to an archaic school facilities of the Philippines. Though the knowledge I learned in Philippines are more comprehensive [yet most ideas are bit impractical but interesting].

My Suggestions

I think the best way to develop the education system of the Philippines is by investing on technology. technology for schools. Students will find it more interesting to learn and study when they got a high end equipments. The thing to worry is that students might rely on machine and lose their common sense. Another suggestion is that the superiority of teachers should be lessen in class [especially in high school].

In the case of UK, I suggest, they should stop teaching the students in a way that 'what you learn is what makes you pass the exam/course'. They should insert more 'ideas', something which you can't read in books. They're very practical that they failed to recognize the interesting bits and pieces.

This entry is just my opinion and I know that it depends on the teacher ans students actually, but this is based on my common observations and experiences.

by the way, It's a bit ironic posting something like this knowing that I messed-up four of my January modules.. lol!

-End

Just being random

2011-03-11T22:33:00.000Z

[22:02]

It has been awhile since I last posted something. I don't know what happened to me or what made me busy for about a month that I failed to do some writing, all I know is that I'm just not into blogging these past days.

I am certain that there are tons of interesting stuff that happened in a span of a month, from Egypt to Japan, from holidays to exam results, from dream to reality but those happenings seemed to be too interesting to blog about. These past days wasn't that boring - and for everyone's knowledge, I only write/blog because I'm bored!

So what made me write today?

Honestly, I do not know! I'm not so certain whether this day is boring or fun. Maybe I'm just being random or what.

I'm not very specific or guided with my words as of the moment. So apologies if I keep losing my track and jump of from one idea to another or if having no idea at all. I've been thinking of writing an entry regarding a certain topic about school but I'm a bit cautious because my current classmates are checking this blog. In a much simpler words- It is a criticism!

I'm thinking of writing something much personal but I do not know how to measure the depth of that 'personal' thing that I might accidentally slip into which I'm not suppose to say. Another thing is, some relatives might be reading this and might create some stir. - [If you read this paragraph, I know what you're thinking and I'll tell you, you're absolutely wrong]- My thinking is a bit advance!! :)

I also thought of writing about my plans but I'm afraid that someone might steal my idea- Yes, I'm selfish! lol :)

And so, I should end this entry for I know that this will lead to nothing.

-End

I wasted 10 minutes of my time! crap!

To stars, moon, nebulas, blackholes, universe, here I come!!

2011-02-01T18:06:00.000Z

[16:44]

I bought a telescope and that's the reason why I'm here, blogging! :)

So what's interesting with this?? If you're looking at the same point of view as mine, then probably you'll say that everything about this is interesting. but I know it's hard to stand on somebody else's shoes and so I understand why some and others don't and won't appreciate it- my mum for example. lol

Actually, I haven't got my telescope yet, I just ordered it couple of minutes ago, 14 minutes to be exact. And I'll be getting it on Thursday, but because I can't wait, I'm blogging it in advance. It is not actually a high-powered or intermediate type of telescope [the one that costs £1000 minimum], rather it's just a 2 steps above an amateur telescope (I'm trying to convince myself that it's a good telescope), it's an amateur telescope- Celestron PowerSeeker 675 telescope.

It took me 2 weeks and 3 days to study and to understand and to decide which one I'm going to buy. And to be honest, it's difficult to decide knowing that you got a limited budget - £100! but after 2 weeks and half, I was able to decide and yes, it's Celestron PowerSeeker 675 telescope! weeew!!

I've been dreaming to have a telescope since I was grade four and when I learned about Isaac Newton (inventor of the reflecting telescope), but knowing the economic background of ours [me and the 75% of the Philippines' population), telescope is like 100000th in rank in terms of priority. Now that I'm here in UK, I'm lucky to have a thing like this, but in some cases, I still regret and pity myself knowing that I should have had this 4-6 years ago- when I was in the peak of my passion for learning about the universe. And I feel sorry for others who were thrown away from there passion like me simply because of economic reasons. what a bullshit, isn't it??

Back to my telescope, I was thinking of buying a computer controlled telescope, obviously it's much expensive. So I got an option of just adding another couple of pounds or just wait for a month to get my pay and buy it. But knowing myself, I'll surely lose interest if I'll buy it later, and I won't dare to cast another pound because I got other priorities as well and so I settled to something just a bit average.

I'm a bit excited now to see something beyond what my plain eyes can see but there's something I'm worried and this will be the reaction of my mum for I know that she'll surely react about what I'm buying. 'Ano duman dan? waay man dan pulos' expected words from her. lol

I'll post pictures of my telescope and my observations in times to come. So excited!! :D

To the stars, moon, nebulas, blackholes, universe, here I come!!

-End

Pautwas: Mga bagay nga gadalagan sa akon paminsaron!

2011-01-31T22:07:00.001Z

[21:35]

Ini pila lamang sa mga bagay nga gadalagan sa akon nga paminsaron. Gusto ko lang iblog kag ipama'an sa tanan para magmag'an ang ulo kag tagipusu'on nakon!

-Paho nga may lang'gaw, patis, asin kag ginamos (galaway na ako)

(lang'gaw)

(Bingka)

-Bingka
-KBL
-Puto
-Isaw
-Sinugba nga mais
-Balut

(Halo-Halo)

-Halo-halo

(Special Batchoy)

-Batchoy
-Kapayas
-Hopia and Sprite
-Santol
-Laswa
-Sinugba nga bangrus

(Bananacue with coke)

-Banana-cue
-Pinirito/sinugba/pinamarhan nga bilong-bilong
-Inasal

Madamo pa ako sang idugang, wala ko pa gani masulat ang

-Niyog

(Bayabas sa Bacan)

-Bayabas (ang sa bacan)
-Pandesal nga mainit
-Tabagak
-Pancit canton + coke w/ ice +curls +movie
-Adobo (may-ari man di pero nami and dira)
-Tsokolate
-Lomi
-Pancit Molo
-Polvoron

(Kinilaw)

-Kinilaw
-Ibos
-Arroz caldo (daw kahapos malang magbuhat sini pero wala pa gid ko katilaw di aw)
-Atchara
-Fresh Lumpia

(Lukos)

-Lukos
-Kasag
-Shrimp
-Bukayo

(Tinu-om)

-Tinu-om

(sizzling sisig)

-Sizzling sisig

kag madamo pa.....

Gusto ko na magpauli!!
[Pictures in this blog were taken almost 2 years ago, when I was still in the Philippines]

-End

'What happened to Gloria?'

2011-01-22T01:48:00.001Z

[00:32]

I just had my midnight snack and before I started writing in here I was in a middle of two problems; will I go straight to bed or will I go on a movie-marathon?? but because I can hardly decide, I said, 'why not post something on my blog?'.. so here I am!!

This day [I'm still referring to 21/01/11] seemed to be 'something above ordinary but less than special' day. I don't know how to explain it or I don't know if there's such thing as this, but everything seems so fast and ordinary and weird and something---- just like when you're semi-conscious/semi-drunk, that's the feeling!

sidetrack for a second, I'm currently looking at the poster Cheryl Cole and I'm getting perverted!! Why is it that Cheryl Cole is damn gorgeous??shit!

Okay, let's focus! This post is not obviously about Cheryl Cole or about my day or about the movies I watched the other night or the effect of chocolates on your dreams, rather, as what you can read in the title, I'm simple asking about 'what happened to Gloria?'

What happened to Gloria?? that is the question! It's been only couple of months since the Arroyo Administration ended and it seems that together we the end of the Arroyo administration that our 'burning' hatred and curses vanished. I don't know if it's a positive thing or a negative one, but I am for sure that this 'let history be the judge' attitude of Filipinos will probably hit us back in the near future and I'm sure that it will surely hurt bad!!

From Fertilizer fund scam to Hello Garci to jueteng'gate to comelec anomaly to ZTE deal to foul deals..but where is Gloria now?? Living in a worry-free life while 3/4 of the population is still suffering from all her misdeeds?? Unfair!! so unfair!!

You might probably asked, 'what's my point?? Gloria is no longer the president and what we should think about is the present, the current [Aquino] Administration!'

And oh yes, you're probably right but what I'm trying to bring attention is the attitude and mentality of ours- In the start, we criticize evil but in the long run, we do nothing about it. We are either too good that we let evil pass or too stupid that we take for granted what is right.

Si Gloria to iya nakapanakaw na pero pabanjing banjing gihapon.. kita iya, gapangahig!! masadya diba?!!

'WE FILIPINOS CLAIM TO KNOW OUR RIGHTS BUT WE ARE STILL IGNORANT ABOUT JUSTICE!!'

So what happened to Gloria??

<Inquirer.net article- have a read>

-End

I don't know what I'm writing!

2011-01-05T14:41:00.002Z

14:11

Today is Wednesday, 5 days after new year and 5 days before my exams. I'm currently cramming right now and i can't explain why am I still writing on this blog wherein I am suppose to study/revise- but to hell with that!

I write in this blog just to share what i think about 2011. 2011 I think will be just another ordinary year. When I say ordinary I mean, nothing special. (this is relative to myself by the way)

I can't feel anything exciting or there's nothing i'm looking forward to as compared to 2012 wherein there's Olympics and a predicted 'end of the world' by December. 2011 is nothing but just a year after 2010 and before 2012. So i don't know whether I'm going to live my life to my fullest this year or destroy everything but i don't know let's see just for ourselves I guess.

This is a side Track..

I'm currently on my laptop typing this line while listening to voice of KC Concepción from the TV [I'm watching TFC]. I'm totally lost, pressure, and stress (I don't know what stress is but i think i'm stress). I want to watch movies but there's a need for me to study the thing is, I'm not into studying so I'm certain that it won't be of use if do so.

Okay, I think I got a problem but I don't know what is it. so I can't solve it anyway. but whatever it is, i need to move and go offline and end this crap that I'm writing. I need to meditate. I need to search for my lost soul. Oh god! I don't know what I'm typing. This is a sign of a bad start for 2011!!

I got to go and finish what i've started but I haven't even started anything yet. Oh no. it seems that i'm destined to be doomed. I need someone to talk to at this moment but i don't know what to say. My sanity level is very low and I'm paranoid.

OH SHIT!!

-End-

Preview

2010-12-06T22:00:00.000Z

[20:47]

On my previous post, I mentioned that my next post will be 'tomorrow' which is supposedly yesterday, 5th of December but I forgot to mention that I got problems with my clock and that my 'tomorrow' means 'the day after'.. Apologies.

----------------------------------------------

I wasn't able to be online for more than 4 months or 5 or whatsoever, so I probably missed to inform/write about our transfer of residence. We moved OUT (I love this word) from a boring place, Norwich, and went here in city of Oxford!! YES!! you read it right, I'm now here in a city known for having this prestigious institution, The Oxford University.. Cool, isn't it?

I don't know how to explain it; how we moved in here or how it all started, the only thing I can remember is that I told myself 'I want to live in here(Oxford)... by all means' and so the next day, we moved in here! lucky!!

Compared to Norwich, Oxford is a far different place: from the ambience, the people, the mood. They are like opposite of each other. Norwich is a city where English culture is still intact(?), unlike Oxford where people (mostly students) from all over the world are in here, so it's a mixture of everything and I find it much more fun!

Together with our transfer of house is my transfer of school as well (Obviously) and with that, I had another chance to start a new leaf and try another approach on other people; my Norwich encounter and life was a complete mistake, I tell you!! Now, I got some people which I can say 'friends' and with same cup of tea.

I don't know what else can I say or how can I exaggerate things just to show and make you feel how my life change after our moved in. All I can say is that my stagnant learning is now free flowing, and that my 20% level of productivity is now increased to 90% and my self development is furious and that I feel fully functional - but this feeling is still far compared to my feelings when I was still in my dear love country. Hai!!

I don't have all the time I want, so I should end my nonsense in here and have wonderful sleep!! :)

-End

I'm Back!!

2010-12-05T01:47:00.000Z

[1:00]

I've been gone for more than 4 months and I don't know what alibi will I write on this blog just to convince the readers, my friends and my alter-ego that there are loads of amazing things happened to me since I was gone and that it's worth it to leave 'misteranguy-ab.blogspot.com' just for couple of months.

I understand that it might seemed awkward and stupid that after I left without even informing the other half of myself, now, I'm just back- for no specific reason- I'm just back. It's like leaving your partner all of a sudden then came back after a year and tell her/him 'love me again'!! LOL!!

I don't know where to start my story, now that I gathered hundreds of unusual experiences, from love to work to school to family to friends to politics to sex and even the metaphysical. uhmm?? interesting, isn't it?? :)

But for now, I got a summary of everything I have to say>>>> I miss my blog, I miss half of my life and so now, I'm Back!!! yaha!! :)

-End

P.S Next post will be tomorrow!!

SK Abolition!

2010-08-17T11:25:00.000+01:00

[10:01]

Just before I came here in UK I've been a part of Sangguniang Kabataan (Youth Council); I served as Sangguniang Kabataan Barangay kagawad for about a year. So I guess, I have a say on regards to a plan of it's abolition.

On my personal and straight forward analysis and observations, YES, I agree with the general argument of present leaders who pursue a plan of abolishing SK, 'Sangguniang Kabataan breeds corruption and trains some youngsters to be future corrupt leaders.' By just looking only at some previous and recent SK, there's no proper 'representation,' no youth development, and some SK officials are only running for sake of 'sahod' and benefits as an official; discount on tuition, title 'honourable' and 'trip and holiday'. Isn't that corruption??

Sangguniang Kabataan is governing body, a youth legislature that suggests/initiates/creates regulations, programs, policies for development of youth. But looking only at your local SK, those things isn't happening, rather, the typical understanding of some SK members of policies and programs are pageant, basketball liga, and clean&green.

And almost every year, these SK leaders attend congresses/trainings and often times, these trainings are held at Baguio, Tagaytay, or just in luxury hotel in your local area. But my question is, what happens after the training/congress?? Nothing. The sad fact is, some SK leaders attend congress for sake of training allowances and travelling. That again is corruption.

But given those flaws and errors of some, I blame not the youth, not the SK leaders of what they are doing, because they only reflect what the elders are doing as well and still, SK still serves as a representative body of kabataan. If there's a problem, it's not the Sangguniang Kabataan but the ones handling the SK; the local government, the present system. and if ever they abolish SK, it still won't solve the problem of corruption. What we need is proper management/guidance of youth, strengthening the youth and a reform act.

-End

First Job.. Huray!!

2010-08-15T23:55:00.000+01:00

[12:44]

It's friday the 13th today that's why instead of going out and have fun outside, I took this as an oppurtunity and reason to stay home and do my homework- BLOG!

My previous post was dated August 3rd so it's been 10 days that I haven't had any entry, but I tell you, loads of great things happened to me just in span of 10 days. It seems that fun and excitement is slowly entering my life. From processing school requirements to visiting to my sister in Bristol and finding a job and going back to Norwich and attending a baptism and meeting a girl in a bus station and my first day at work and arguing with a old man in the shop and my parents and sister holiday in Oxford. I's been a great 10 days. but for now,I 'll share you my experience on my first job. yehey!! :P

--------------------------------------

If you're an avid reader of my blog, you probably know that I've been looking for a job and how desperate I am to have one, and for almost 5 months search, I finally made it to be hired. YEHEY!! come celebrate with me. :P

It's not an office job or a professional work that you think, it's just a parttime work to occupy my boring weekends. I work as a customer sales assistant in a shop and I just got hired last Friday, 6th of August. I had my induction last Monday and started working last Tuesday. uhmm?? It says to my contract that I'll be working for a minimum of 16 hours a week with a good pay(won't tell you how much..bleeh), so that suggests that it's a minus 16 hours in my internet world- oh man! :)

INDUCTION!

9th of August was the induction day that lasted for 4 hours, from 8am to 12noon. It was a good start though it was a lil bit tiring because I came all the way from Norwich. I reached Oxford 5:30am and had only less than 2 hours sleep-so exciting.

There's nothing much to tell about what happened during our induction, just plain explanation of our responsibilities and rights.

TRAINING DAY

After my induction, I was scheduled to attend a training the next day, from 3pm to 11pm. I didn't bother much about training because I thought that it's just an ordinary discussion or explanation of this and that, but I was damn wrong. It was explained to me the things which I must and musn't do. Sounds easy but actually, it's not that easy. I was told that the shop follows a 'challenge 25' policy, on which anyone who looks 25 below should be asked for an I.D when buying a goods that are only intended for 18 years and above, also, we told about 'proxy sale' thing and 'test sale' thing which made me think that you can't just be easy go lucky- There are responsibilities.

After partially explaining what to do, I was assigned in the till. I greeted customers with 'hello, good afternoon. need some bag/s?' plus a big smile on my face- same as what you see in grocery store. First hour was not that busy but the next succeeding hours was exciting.

I have this experience that really made my day exciting.

A man entered the store,about late9 in the evening. He took cans of beer and asked for a packet of cigarettes. I saw that he's with his son that's about less than 18 years old, and because I thought that he might be buying cigarettes for his son (this is an example proxy sale) I asked for his and his son's I.D. then, things gone mad!

'You're asking for my I.D?' said the man with a feeling of insult and amusement.

'Obviously yes, sir' I replied with smile.

'I am more 35 years old, I am a responsible father. so sell me those cigarettes!' he shouted.

'I'm sorry, sir. we have this policy; if it's not right to sell cigarettes to people age below 18, it's also not right to sell to older people knowing that they'll give to youngsters. I'm just following orders and just making sure.' I replied with calm face but a fast-pounding heart.

'Do you think I'm an idiot' the man said while his face turns red.

I did not answer his question rather I clicked the emergency button to call my manager. The manager came and explaind to him everything. My manager said that I was right but how ironic that he allowed to sell those cigarettes without demanding for an I.D. I looked damn stupid.

After that experience, there's nothing more interesting happened. I finished my shift and went home exhausted, and hungry(I forgot to have break/dinner because I'm having fun in the till) :)

P.S: I wrote this last friday, but I just realized that I failed to publish it. lol :)

-END

Keep out of my dreams!!

2010-08-03T02:07:00.000+01:00

[02:07]

Before anything else, I would like to say that this is not a same story like Maria [link1] [link2]! This thing is real, this thing happened and this girl exists.

I don't like to post anything about this girl but she keeps bothering me in my dreams (it seems that there's in need for me to share it just to lessen the bothersome), not because I'm in love with her but rather, uhmm?? I don't know. Let me just share a bit about her.

I met her in a party, baptism of the son of my cousin's acquaintance. I saw her outside the chapel while waiting for the church rite to end (We both can't enter church because we'll get burned, thats how I understand it). She wears a maong pants plus black sleeveless terno with a black scarf, though she wears a slight make'up but her natural beauty is still obvious. The very moment I saw her face, I said to myself 'I'll like her and I'll have her.' and the whole time in the party all I did was 'pacute,' seduce and make flirt with her.

She was introduced to me by my cousin but because I was mesmerized by her beauty, I failed to remember her name. We head home with my mind preoccupied by this girl and still hoping to see her soon.

I immediately opened my facebook and searched for her, but because I forgot her name the only clue I have was her family name. After 3 hours, everything paid off- 'I found her'! I added her as my friend and awaited for confirmation.

During the whole time that I was waiting for confirmation we, me and my cousin had a little conversation, and I asked her about this girl and then she opened up something that until now, makes me confused and bothered. She has cancer; lupus! 'DOOMED!' I don't know what to say the moment my second cousin mentioned it, I raised my eyebrow and waited for words like 'joke lang' or 'pati ah' but no, It was serious.

I asked her everything about the girl; what will happened now or 'papaano ina bi?' My cousin answered 'ti amo na eh.' I kept on asking because SAYANG!

Her family seems to accept the fact and she's on regular chemotherapy just to extend her life.

Though everyone knows about it and seems to be normal and acceptable already but in my case, I'm bothered and it's very evident in my dreams. Law'ay law'ay gid ya mga damgo ko!! so I really hope her well and please, keep out of my dreams. naku : /

Hay Buhay!! : /

The Rallyist!

2010-07-30T02:03:00.000+01:00

[00:15]

So I had a conversation with my friend last last day. I wont tell you every details of it but he uttered some statements which I think I need to rebut.

Friend: The problem about the country is not the government, but these people rallying on streets, especially these UP students. Lantawa bala (try to see). If they went home and do their chores and study their lessons, they could have done something much better. And look at the effigy, the placards, where did they got the money to create those? and now, they're complaining they're hungry and have no money? And look at the effect of their rally, traffic, noise, disturbance- they're menace.

These are my friends's comments after hearing/seeing the news. So because I'm leaning left, I can't help but react on his comments. But instead of just saying my reply to him, let me tell you a 'lil story. :)

Way back when I was in the Philippines, I one among hundreds and thousands of individuals who used to rally on streets. Though I am not the front liner or the person holding the megaphone but I 'm proud because I'm standing on what I believe and I know I'm doing right thing. And honestly, that's also one reason why my parents brought me here [in UK] because they thought I might lose control of my self and instead of schooling, I'll just stay on streets and keep bashing on the system (or mapariwara).But I guess, they just don't understand.

Before I entered UP, I have this elite perpective; I believe that having high tuition is a necssity for development and there are really consequences/sacrifices for betterment, I also thought that the present problems of the society can be solved simply by just 'studying hard' and after graduate, you work and do your job well and then pay taxes and et al. But after series of conversations/discussions and realizations, I come to an idea that my orginal thought was so naive. Problems can't be solved by just plain 'studying hard,' 'following rules,' or 'paying taxes promptly.' NO! those are necessary but those acts are not half way to our dream of political stability and societal development.

I realized that, I can't just seat around this classroom while the taxes paid by my parents are being stolen by these crook people in office. I realized that problems of the society and government are not effect of people rallying or terrosism or unparticipative civilians rather these terrorisms, rallying, unabidding peopl are results of damned government. I came to realize that 'studying hard' is no essential because you're not even sure if you can graduate or you're learning enough because the tuitions are high and facilities are low. Our future is at stake.

I've been to lots of arguments just because I'm trying to defend these rallyists, defend myself as well. But I don't know, because some just can't accept it.

Luzvimminda is farmer; She inherited a small land just enough to plant some vegies and rice, a mother of two kids, widowed for 6 years, born in a working class family and she lives in a central region in Iloilo. She earns 30 thousand pesos (more or less $700 or £500) anually, minus tax, minus food supply, minus support for her childrens' education, minus debt. Most likely, the remaining amount is negative. Then you found out that you're taxes is just being kept by corrupt officials, that facilities of school where your children are studying is no use, that your earnings can't even support your family for a year because of high valued goods.

Julie Ann is the daugter of Luzviminda, college student, working student, she's also believed to have an I.Q of 121 (wooh).. She's supposed to be a fourth year student already but because she can hardly afford to pay 300 pesos/unit in school, she settled to work in a carinderia in the town for awhile.

You read the case of Luzviminda and Julie Ann. They are only some out of a thousand and millions suffering because of poverty. Now, can you blame them if you see them in streets demanding for additional budget for school and ousting certain leader? can you tell them to go to school and do their chores, tell them 'just be responsible of yourselves and not just blame the the government.'? Can you tell these people that they're menace?

There are people who rally because there are some who empathize or sympathize with these people like Luzviminda and Julie Ann. You can't blame them. They're obliged and in need to do it.

During the regime of Arroyo, there are loads of occurences of rally because there also various issues with regards to the leadership of Arroyo, but there are still some who just lay back and watch t.v and say 'let history judge Arroyo' and 'stop complaining, let us see and correct ourselves first.' To these people, I/we thank you.. you are the reason why only 6.5% of the budget for 2010 remains, thank you for unsolved issues and crimes, thank you for these. You helped a lot

Now, to my friend who says that 'The problem about the country is not the government, but this people rallying on streets'-- Goodluck!

-End-