“Life is short, life is precious. Don’t wait, do it now.”
~ Mom

My mother showed me in words and actions that the greatest gifts we give each other are our presence and appreciation. Here’s a story from my book, My Mother, My Friend to help keep that in mind and celebrate Mother’s Day.

Mom, You’re the Real Hero In The Family

Last Photo with Mom

The phone rang at 2:40 a.m. I heard Jeanne’s voice, “Mary? Mom’s free now. She just took her last breath.”

“I’ll be right there,” I said.

The ten-minute ride to the house was filled with thoughts of regret, guilt and sadness. I was exhausted and had left the house at ten o’clock, kissing my mother good-bye and saying, “I love you.” I thought I felt her squeeze my hand ever so lightly.

Why didn’t I stay? I was glad that Eileen and Jeanne were there with her but I wanted to be there too when she left her body. I’ve always felt strongly about not wanting to die alone and wanting someone I love to be holding my hand when I die. I wanted that experience with her and yet, I never asked her what she wanted.

The house was lit up when I got there. Mom was still warm, but beginning to cool. Her skin was this odd shade of cream with a glow that still shines in my mind’s eye. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and wondered if her spirit was hovering about.

After the hospice people had picked up my mother’s body, our family all sat around in the living room with these dazed looks of shock on our faces. No one knew what to say.

Jeanne spoke first, saying, “You know how Mom loved to shop. We should bury her with her Boston Store Charge card.” Eileen jumped in and said, “Yeah, now Mom will be able to shop forever.”

My father was standing in the hallway and through choked tears said, “How dare you talk about your mother that way after she’s just died. Show more respect for her!” We were all silent. The tension was high.

Once again Jeanne broke through and said, “Dad, sometimes you have to laugh because if you don’t you’ll cry and then you’ll never stop.” Dad said nothing, turned around, walked back into their bedroom and closed the door. “Do not disturb” was written all over his body.

The following day we made funeral arrangements. Months earlier I had heard that performing an “appreciation ritual” at the funeral service would help assuage our grief. Each family member places a treasured memento of the person who has died into the casket and says a few words about the meaning of the memento. I mentioned this idea while we were discussing the agenda for the wake and church service. Dad said nothing, but my siblings all thought it was a good idea and agreed to bring something.

Our extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins gathered the next morning at the funeral home for the closing of the casket and the funeral procession to the church and then to the grave site. As planned, Eileen, Paul, Jeanne, and I placed our mementos inside the casket.

Jeanne put a toy truck my mother had given to her infant son Michael and said, “Mom, thank you for being a loving grandmother to Michael and spoiling him rotten. We love you.”

Paul put in a picture of his new little boy Jimmy, who had been born the night after Mom died. He said, “Mom, I guess you met Jimmy on his way down here. Thanks for helping him arrive safely.”

I put a bottle of Mom’s favorite nail polish (I bit my nails beyond the quick until I was in my 20’s; when I finally stopped, she always told me how nice my hands looked) and an audiotape of one of my speeches and said, “Mom, thanks for always telling me I was beautiful inside and out. I dedicate the rest of my speaking career to you.”

Eileen gave Mom her Ironman medal and said, “Mom, this is for dying with dignity and grace. You’re the real hero in our family.”

As we turned around to leave, my father, who had been watching us, surprised us by walking up to the casket. He took something out of his pocket, slipped it into Mom’s hand and said, “Gracie, here’s your Boston Store Charge card. You always said, ‘Shop Until You Drop.’ Now you can do it forever. I love you.”

My father’s epiphany blessed our family with a moment of Grace – literally and figuratively. My mother’s presence even in death brought light and joy.

My only wish is that we had shared this appreciation with her when she was alive. If your Mother is still alive, you still have that opportunity. Take advantage of it. In the end, all that will matter is whom you loved and who loved you. Call your mother. Again. If she’s passed on, take a moment to say thank you. Again. She is a gift – and so are you!   More…

How to counter “Too Much, Too Soon, Too Sleazy” ads aimed at our daughters and raise healthier girls from the inside out

Thongs undies for toddlers.

Push-up bras for eight-year olds.

Sneakers to “tone” legs for preschoolers. 

Marketers keep pushing that “too sexy, too soon” envelope on our young daughters, and we are seeing impact on our daughters’ self-esteem and body images.

Keep in mind that it isn’t just one advertisement or one commercial  that affects a young girl’s self-concept, but the constant slew of images pushing a “too fast, too soon” look. And that’s exactly what our girls are exposed to these days. The “constant” seeing or hearing over-sexualized messages can be damaging to a young girl’s mental, emotional or moral well being.

The  extent of that damage depends upon each particular girl, but we do know younger girls (especially those seven to twelve years old) and those with lower self-esteem are more vulnerable. But let’s be clear: these over “too much, too soon” messages are not healthy for any girl’s self-image or body image, and it’s why we should be concerned about the onslaught of these sexualized messages on our daughters. They are having a negative impact. Here are a few dangers, and why we should be outraged.

1. Pushes a Wrong Message on How to Achieve Happiness

Children’s self-beliefs, values, and attitudes are formed through repetition. Continual messages that stress “thin, looks, tone, sexy” can cause girls to believe that they should be pushing their childhoods ahead. For instance, a young girl can translate those messages as:

“I should be acting and dressing like a teen even though I’m in grade school.”

“I should be dieting.”

“I should be wearing makeup.”

“I should be worried about if my legs are toned.”

“I should be ….”  

The problem is her “should bes” are unrealistic, unhealthy, and damaging. Is there any wonder why 80 percent of fourth grade girls worry they will be fat? This morning my local newspaper contained this interesting fact….and I quote: “One study found that 80  percent of all U.S. women admit to being dissatisfied with their figures.”  Concerns about our “shoulds” don’t seem to improve with age.

2. Develops a “Flimsy” Self-image that Endangers the Development of Resilience

Authentic self-esteem is a fine balance between a “feeling of worthiness” and a “feeling of capableness.” Developing both of those essential feelings is what helps our daughters handle stress, cope with life, and bounce back when the going gets tough. And those crucial school years are when our daughters are doing serious work in shaping their self-concepts and forming their “Who I am?” opinions about themselves.

Messages over-loaded with looks, appearance, weight, dress size, and toned legs (all addressing the “Am I worthy?” side of the self-esteem quotient) don’t allow girls to develop positive images for their “feeling capable sides.” Too much emphasis on looks can also cause girls to miss out on those crucial opportunities that help them figure out their strengths, interests, likes, hobbies, values, etc. A flimsier self-esteem is also likely to mean a girl has a weaker “Resilience Quotient” (that crucial commodity she’ll need to handle life) due to an unbalanced acquisition of self-esteem.

3. Decompressed Childhood

“Too fast, too soon” messages push girls to grow up too quickly for their age and maturity. Growing up “before their time” also means missing out on developmentally appropriate activities, rituals, and games that are such an integral part of growing up. Instead of playing, discovering, learning, creating, relishing, or just being, they are devoting priceless energy wondering how they should look or weigh or act. There is no rewind button on childhood, folks.

4. Boosts Health Risks

Do you know the new hot “Sweet 16″ birthday gift request? It’s Botox! (Yep, Botox… I still haven’t quite figured that one out or found a sixteen year old girl with a wrinkle). Breast implants are now on our girls’  high school graduation “wish lists.” According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, more than 36,800 cosmetic surgery procedures were performed last year on girls eighteen and under. There is always a risk with surgery, but what about the risk to a young girl’s body image? And why?

5. Increases Mental Health Risks

Research also shows that the proliferation of sexualized images in advertising, merchandising and media are indeed harmful to a young girls’ self-image and health. A five-year study of 2516 teens by the American Psychological Association found that girls who frequently read those dieting and weight loss articles are far more likely to fast, vomit, or use laxatives to lose weight. In fact, the data found that the more frequently a girl sees those over-sexualized, images, the more likely she is to resort to extreme weight control behaviors.I don’t think it’s a mere coincidence that we’re also seeing a tragic increase of eating disorders in girls who are  seven and eight years of age.

6. Increases Odds for Risky Behaviors

Those “too fast, too soon” images can also push our girls into those “teen” years sooner. (From the looks of things eight has become the new 13). Growing up faster also means the potential for earlier drinking, earlier promiscuity, earlier peer pressure-and those all add up to taking more unhealthy risks.

There are dangers on all those too sexy, too much, too soon negative images on our girls’ physical, mental, emotional and moral development. So how do we counter those negative media images and raise healthier daughters? Here are a few ideas.

Countering Negative Media Images To Raise Girls from the Inside Out

“Up” Your Outrage!

These products are sold because they are purchased. A collective parental “NO!” would send a clear message to advertisers. Write your concerns to distributors and product developers. Those complaints do work…several of these companies have reconfigured their advertisements and even removed them from their websites. “Outrage” petitions are also gaining signatures by the minute. Speak out and keep your wallets shut. Also, share your concerns to your daughter to help develop her media literacy.

Check Your Attitude

Kids who see and hear their parents (especially moms) worrying about their appearance usually adopt the belief that “being young and thin” is the standard to achieve. So watch your comments (please!!) and tune into your own behavior. Your daughter is watching and listening more than you may realize! And you are also far more influential on her development than you may be giving yourself credit for.

Build Self-Esteem from the Inside Out

A positive, authentic, well-rounded sense of self-esteem and healthy body image are essential for our girls. So find ways to help your daughter gain competence in physical, social and academic endeavors. Help her realize her innate strengths and wonderful personal qualities. Focus your praise on her deserved inside qualities-a kind-heart, optimistic spirit, stick-to-it attitude-so she realizes “who I am is more important than how toned my legs are or what I look like.”

Watch Her Media Diet, Please!

Control your remote, get her a subscription to healthy magazines, and find her healthy outlooks that don’t require wearing sexy attire. And while you’re at it, put down those celebrity magazines…at least when your daughter is in the room!

Check her Friends

Tune in a bit closer to what your daughter’s friends are talking about. If the focus is all about the latest “diets” and “dress size” it may be time to steer your child toward others friends with healthier outlooks.

Find Like-Minded Parents

Consider talking with parents of your teen’s friends and hear their views. Chances are they share your standards. Standing together will reduce those, “You’re the only parent who feels that way.” I’m betting you’re not. Find parents who share your values and join forces so you can stop this craze together.

Find Positive Role Models

Tune into those so-called role models. Make sure their examples are ones you want your daughter to copy. Let’s offer our daughters female role models who feel comfortable in their own skin and don’t need to rely on Botox, breast implants, dieting, and designer labels to feel attractive.  Expose your daughter to authentic, confident women, and then tell her why you admire them. Our girls need strong, resourceful female examples to emulate.

Our best hope is to help our daughters learn—and as early as possible—that real happiness isn’t borrowed or copied, but lies within. That’s exactly why we need to help our girls become strong from the inside out. Doing so is what will help our daughters feel comfortable in their own skin.

Enough!

Dr. Michele Borba, Parenting Expert

I am an educational psychologist, parenting expert, TODAY show contributor and author of 22 books. You can also refer to my daily blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check for ongoing parenting solutions and late-breaking news about child development.

Follow me on twitter @MicheleBorba

You can also find dozens more research-based and practical tips for 101 other parenting challenges and worries inThe Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

D.C. women lead busy and often hectic lives. Sometimes we put our wellness needs on the ‘back burner’. So what I went on Let’s Talk Live yesterday to share some simple reminders for how we can take better care of ourselves. I was excited to get to work with the Quaker and Tri Lamb folks on this segment.

1. Get Whole Grains at Breakfast

Studies show being crunched for time can take a toll on eating wholesome meals, in particular when it comes to breakfast. The temptation might be to reach for something “easy” like a bagel or pastry, but I really like these new Quaker Real Medleys oatmeal. They are portable, portion controlled, delicious and nutritious. Hearty rolled oats and multi-grains with real fruit or crunchy nuts already in the container so all you do is add hot water or pop it in microwave with water. Each serving offers at least 30 grams of whole grains and a good or excellent source of fiber (containing 3-8 grams fiber),which helps manage a healthy weight.

2. Get Lean Protein for Lean Muscles

Choose lamb—it’s a nutrient-packed powerhouse. On average, a 3 oz. portion of lamb is only 175 calories and naturally nutrient rich. It’s packed with essential nutrients such as protein, B-vitamins, and iron. Women need over twice the iron than men. If you don’t get enough iron you could have low energy and can even develop anemia, an iron deficiency.

• The last thing a busy woman wants is to get sick. Lamb also supports a healthy immune system. Lamb contains a significant amount of nutrients essential for immune function: zinc, selenium, protein, and iron.
• Visit www.leanonlamb.com for great lamb recipes that your family will love. Lamb kebobs are one of my favs!

3. Reach for smart snacks

Calcium rich foods are important for strong bones. 80% of people with osteoporosis are women. Women need 1000 mg of calciuma day – that’s like three servings of dairy foods or calcium fortified foods.

• I love greek yogurt, cheeses (goat, feta, cheddar), and low fat cottage cheese as snacks.
• Collard greens, kale, broccoli, bok choy are all plant based sources of calcium as well.
• Get your berries – strawberries, blueberries, cherries, etc. all contain high levels of antioxidants and vitamin C. Vitamin C allows you to keep collagen in your skin so it stays health and supple.

4. Schedule time for exercise

Exercise gives you energy, helps reduce stress, helps you sleep better, and helps lower your risk for chronic disease.

• Less than half of women over 18 meet therecommendations for physical activity. At a minimum we should be getting 2.5 hours a week just to maintain health. Get 5 hours if you want to see substantial improvement.
• During work week – 20 minute walk breaks – walk the stairwell, do laps around the office, hit the work gym for 20 minutes of weights and still have time for lunch. Or get up early and start your day witha heart pumping workout.

So ladies, how do you fare at these health tips? Which ones would you like to share with other busy women??

Filed under: nutrition Tagged: | eating healthy, exercise, lamb, quaker oatmeal, wellness, women

Posted on May 21, 2012 by rebeccascritchfield

I’ve been a fan of soy for a while now. It offers so many nutritional benefits: high in protein, low in saturated fat and cholesterol, and contains essential fats, fiber, iron and other nutrients.

I had the amazing opportunity recently to make a series of videos with the Soy Foods Association. I’ll update the post as soon as the videos is available on their website. In the meantime, I thought I would share some of the highlights: We did several vignettes, about 3 minutes each to cover the uses of soy for several specialty groups.

Soy and Athletes

Soy is especially great for athletes who train hard, because after muscles are broken down during exercise, we need protein to help build them back up. Soy is absorbed more slowly than other types of protein so some research studies suggest that soy can help maximize muscle building by extending protein absorption. That’s why recovery nutrition, high in protein, is so important — chocolate or vanilla soy milk is a great choice. resource: http://www.soyfoodsmonth.org/soy-and-performance

Posing with the athletes we used in the video. They loved refueling.

Why Soy is Great For Kids

Soy is an easily digestible protein for kids with sensitive tummy’s. And, the quality of soy protein is comparable to animal proteins like fish, dairy and meat. Soy foods also contain vitamins and minerals important for bone and muscle development. You can check out the soyfoods website to find recipes your kids will love.

Can It Be Good For Seniors?

Athletes aren’t the only ones who need strong muscles. Seniors need physical activity and protein to help maintain muscle mass and mobility throughout old age. It’s also packed with antioxidants which have been shown to be protective against some types of cancers. It’s so important to maintain a heart healthy diet as we age, and soy can be a great source of protein.

How Can I Eat It?

Basically soy foods can be part of a healthy plate for any age group and activity level. Following the balanced plate model, you could have a stir fry with tofu, mixed veggies and brown rice. Swap out meat for soy crumbles next time you’re having taco night. Or for lunch, a veggie burger on a wheat bun, piled with veggies and a side of fruit. Smoothies made with soy milk and frozen fruit are delicious as well.

When I see a food that is good for your heart, can lower your cholesterol, and is rich in protein and antioxidants, I can’t help but want to share it with others. I hope you’ll give soy a shot next time you’re looking to switch up your meal routine.

What is your favorite way to enjoy soyfoods?

Filed under: nutrition Tagged: | eating healthy, food, heart health, nutrition, soy, wellness

In a movie that came out not too long ago, a 40-something woman reads a storybook to her friend’s daughter. As they approach the last page, she read, “‘… and Cinderella and the prince lived happily ever after.’” She closes the book and looks at the young girl, adding, “You know, things don’t always happen like this in real life. I just think you should know that now.”

We were all raised on fairy tales with glass slippers, valiant princes and (best of all) magic! It didn’t take too long to realize that stories like that aren’t necessarily true. After a few misfortunes, you learned that glass slippers are really uncomfortable, no prince is perfect and magic doesn’t always work when you need it to.

So what do you do when the way you planned things is not the way they turned out?

Know that parts of your fairy tale have already been written, and sadly, there’s not a whole lot you can do about those first few chapters. You didn’t get the best start. Your trust was unexpectedly betrayed. You didn’t get the job. Whatever falls and failures that happened in your past are just that… in your past. There’s still more to the story.

While your life has a lot of contributors, you are the editor-in-chief. You take what’s there and create the masterpiece. All the good pages and the bad can come together to make a beautiful adventure.

When you find yourself wishing your life was more like the fairy tales, remember that in some ways it already is. There will be dragons, wicked witches, great romances, winding roads and friends to help you along the way. So, keep rewriting your story every day that you’re alive. Whether it’s a comedy, tragedy or a little of both, the pen is in your hand. How it all ends is up to you.

Last week we established that we all have needs, and our needs are legitimate. You have learned that you can meet some of your needs yourself; however, you cannot necessarily meet all of them. Some of your needs can, and must, be met by others.

What about values?

Have you ever done something you didn’t want to do, just because someone else that you cared about wanted you to?

Think about what happened and how it made you feel afterward. What thoughts did you have? Do you remember having any body sensations? Maybe you felt a pain in your gut, your neck hurt or you felt plain sad?

It’s surprising how someone that you care about can influence you to do things that “go against the grain.” Initially, you may do things to make that person happy, because you care, but if you find yourself taking actions that are opposed to your values, you will eventually begin to resent this. I’m sure you can imagine what effect this will have on your relationship.

Values in contrast to needs are almost always internally related. Values cannot be met, so to speak, by another person or by external environments or events changing. This is an important distinction between needs and values.

When you commit to a value and act according to that value, you take on a new energy, which, in turn, attracts great success, achievement and personal happiness. You live by your values. Values drive behavior. Values drive all your choices and all your decision-making.

Every time you fail to do what you know is right for you, that which you hold as a value, you lessen your own certainty and ability to create meaningful relationships. You will also find it hard to do work that engages your spirit and your heart. This will, therefore, make it much harder for you live a happy life.

Each time you compromise to be agreeable you give up some of your freedom and you lose some of your vitality.

Next week, your Vision takes you to your destination

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
Scan the QR Code and download your Free MYMARRIAGECOACH App

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Parenting tips to help nurture self-esteem and positive attitudes in our children and teens

If you could give your children a quality that would enhance their chances for leading successful, meaningful and fulfilling lives, what would it be? Though answers may seem endless, many experts say one of the greatest gifts would be instilling a “Can Do Attitude.” Here are eight secrets to help you raise a “CAN DO!” Kid

REALITY CHECK: Real and authentic self-esteem is a combination of a feeling of Worthiness:”I am likeable, loved and worthwhile” and a feeling of Competence: “I have the skills to handle life.” [Based on Nathaniel Branden's work]

Unraveling the Mystery of Building Healthy Self-Esteem

The caliber of our children’s productivity, inner strength, contentment, interpersonal relationships, and competencies is largely impacted by the strength of their self-beliefs. And the best news is there are endless simple parenting moments to nurture positive attitudes in our children. 

Focusing on only worthiness-or making your child feel more special than others-is a detriment to a child’s character and relationships with others.

And always rescuing (or “helicoptering”) and solving your child’s problems doesn’t nurture that sense of competence.

So aim to strike a balance in your parenting of building your child’s feelings of worthiness and competence. I love James Dobson’s analogy of the way to boost self-esteem the right way: “Think of a pilot landing a plane at night- he needs those lights to be on both sides of the runway for a smooth landing. So too does your child.”

Here are eight tips from my book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions that help your child recognize his or her achievements, unique strengths,  and cultivate a “Can Do Attitude” and authentic self-esteem.

Secret 1. Discover Unique Strengths

There are so many fabulous opportunities to help our children discover their special talents and strengths. My Girl Scout leader from years ago was a master. Mrs. Woolley made us feel great by pointing out what we were good at. I always marveled at how she remembered our personal competencies. Then one day I discovered her secret when I found her notebook opened to a page filled with notes: “Meghan is interested in acrylics, Kelly’s soccer game, Joanne’s music recital.” It was her way of making sure no girl’s talent was ever overlooked.

Years later I still admire (and use!) Mrs. Woolley’s simple but powerful way of helping kids discover their strengths! It’s a secret we parents should be using far more. The more our children recognize their unique strengths, the stronger their self-beliefs will be. So help your child become aware of his or her own special qualities and talents. (And halt those comparisons to other siblings!)

Secret 2. Celebrate Special Achievements and Efforts

Nothing builds positive beliefs more than succeeding, and those achievements deserve celebrating. One way is having your child start his own Victory Log in a small notebook or journal. Each time your child achieves a special goal–such as finally learn to ride a bike, learn those math facts, or survive her first sleepover–encourage your child to describe the success on a page and then date it.

The book can become a priceless keepsake of a child’s accomplishments that he can continue for years.

For a non-reading child, consider taking a photo of the moment and pasting it into the log.

This activity also helps your child learn to track his own successes and develop internal praise motivation instead of waiting for us to praise or reward those accomplishments.

Secret 3. Focus on Actions Not Appearance

Recent studies show that too many of our kids – especially girls – base their self-esteem on how they look instead of what they can do. The effect on self-confidence is disastrous. So help your daughter focus more on her actions and less on appearance. Gently turn conversations about looks, dates, and dress sizes into topics about plans and goals.

Also, be a role model by discussing your goals and share your pride over any new accomplishments. By talking more about personal achievements and less about appearance, you will help your child develop personal beliefs formed on her accomplishments. In the process she will feel better about herself.

Secret 4. Use Specific, Earned Praise to Cultivate Positive Beliefs

Everyone loves praise, and kids are no exception. But keep in mind that not every little accolade you say will boost self-esteem. And you don’t want your child to become a praise-a-holic expecting every little action to be praised (which does not help self-esteem). Praise that builds “Can Do” beliefs has  three characteristics: The praise is deserved, specific, and repeated.

Here’s how to use those secrets of effective praise to help a child recognize a special ability. The simple tip actually helps the child develop a new and positive image about himself.

1. Start by tuning into your child. Look for a special talent, trait, skill or passion in your child that deserves acknowledgement. Maybe you notice your child displays an artistic skill, or a sense of humor. Maybe she’s caring, or persistent, resourceful, respectful, or knows more about dinosaurs than any kid of the block. The more specific the trait, the better.

2. Next, find a moment when he really demonstrates the talent. This is when you can acknowledge the skill.

Word your message so your child knows exactly what he did to deserve your praise:

“Kevin, you are so  artistic because you use such wonderful colors and details in your drawings.”

And always use the same word to describe the talent (“artistic” or “musical” or “kind-hearted.”)

Hint: Using the word “because” in your comment instantly makes your praise more specific.

3. Then, praise the same skill or talent several more times over the next few weeks.That way your child will then be more likely to believe the message, and adopt it to form a new belief about himself. Make sure the praise is earned. Quick, little sincere reminders is the best approach. Halt the rewards and keep your money in your wallet. The right words are the best way to boost behavior.

4. Keep praising! Keep in mind that new behavior habits take a minimum of 21 days of repetition. The lower the self-esteem of the child the more frequently you’ll have to repeat the praise. That way your child will then be more likely to believe the message, and adopt it to form a new belief about himself.

You might also take a photo of your child that displays his talent (such as his best painting) or the moment he is engaged in doing his talent (he’s at the table drawing). Then display the photo somewhere so your child can be reminded of the talent.

The moment your child verbalizes the strength and acknowledges his talent or strength is when you know he has internalizes it. You can then help him develop another positive belief about himself…and another..and another!

Secret 5. Accentuate the Positive to Eliminate the Negative

A powerful way to help a child develop firmer self-beliefs is to teach positive self-talk. One of the easiest teaching strategies is to model the strategy in front of your child. Just be on the alert for some positive action you are proud of, and then deliberately acknowledge your deed out loud so your child overhears.

“I love how my recipe turned out.” Or: “I’m really glad I stuck to my exercise program. I lost five pounds!”

At first you might feel a bit strange, but when you notice your child praising his own strengths a little more, you’ll quickly overcome any hesitancy.

Secret 6. Develop a “Can Do” Family Slogan

Negativity can quickly become a habit that is deadly for developing “Can Do” attitudes. So squelch any Stinkin’ Thinkin’ before it starts to breed in your kids!

A mother told me she stopped put down comments with a slogan. Whenever any of her kids said, “I can’t”, other family members learned to say, “Success comes in cans, not in cannots.” It was a simple but effective way of encouraging her kids to think more positively about themselves.

Is there a slogan you might want to start up in your home? Tune into your own statements as well. Your child is listening and internalizes those comments.

Secret 7. Don’t Be a Safety Net

No parent wants their child to suffer disappointments, and often our first adult instinct is to try and solve their dilemmas for them. But watch out: doing so robs kids of the opportunity to find their own solutions. Proble

m solving is exactly the skill kids need when they’re on their own.

Avoid that temptation of rescuing your kid and solving his problems. Instead, step in only when really needed them you are nearby. Children need to build self-beliefs that say, “I can figure things out for myself.” Then do let your child know you believe he can.

Secret 8. Help Your Child  Learn From Mistakes

I watched a teacher give a small wrapped present to each student on the first day of school. The children were amazed to find small erasers inside the boxes. The teacher said, “You’ll be needing these this year, because you’ll be making lots of mistakes. That’s how you learn.” Her simple gift helped “erase” the idea that mistakes mean failure, and can be a chance to start again. And it’s an essential lesson for developing “Can Do” attitudes.

When your child makes a mistake, stay nonjudgmental and help her focus on what she’s trying to achieve. You might ask, “How did you want this to turn out?” or calmly say, “What will you do differently next time?” Above all, help her believe she can succeed in her efforts: “I know you can do it. Hang in there.”

Final Thoughts

As a parent, you have countless opportunities to reinforce your child’s self-beliefs. Your expectations, your reactions and your words can give your children votes of confidence or chip away at their attitudes about themselves. Perhaps one of the most important questions to ask yourself at the end of each day is this: “If my child’s self-beliefs were based only on my words and actions today, what would she believe about herself?” Your answer should guide how you interact with your child each time you are together.

Dr. Michele Borba, Parenting Expert

I am an educational psychologist, parenting expert, TODAY show contributor and author of 22 books including The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries.

You can also refer to my daily blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check for ongoing parenting solutions and late-breaking news and research about child development.

Follow me on twitter @MicheleBorba

Posted on May 9, 2012 by rebeccascritchfield

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Today’s guest blog comes from Marney K. Makridakis, author of Creating Time. She founded the Artella online community for creators of all kinds and the print magazine Artella. A popular speaker and workshop leader, she created the ARTbundance approach of self-discovery through art. She lives in Dall

posted 12:52:50am May. 07, 2012 | read full post »

Jane Fonda on Aging and The Third Act of Life
Can you tell I’ve been on a TedTalk kick lately? I love these mini-lectures. So full of wisdom… This one by Jane Fonda is particularly insightful. As you age, know that the third act of your life can be the best. You can right wrongs. Change your mind and change your course. It’s never too lat

posted 12:46:39am May. 07, 2012 | read full post »

The Secret to Happiness
I’ve been your faithful Beliefnet editor and Inspiration blogger for more than a year now. Whenever people ask me what I do, I tell them that I write about how to be happy. Almost immediately, their next question is, “So what’s the secret to happiness?” When I first started this job, I used to s

posted 12:31:42am May. 03, 2012 | read full post »

86-Year-Old Grandmother Starts Email Ministry
Today’s blog is a reprint of a story originally published in Pamlico News of North Carolina. Just think. This woman went from not being able to type to launching her own newsletter that helps connect and pray for people. Never let age be a factor in trying new things. As a wise woman once said, “It’

posted 11:25:48am May. 01, 2012 | read full post »

Time-Lapse Video Shows Baby Growing Up
This video was done by a father from the Netherlands who filmed his daughter, Lotte, every week from her infancy to 12 years old. This is what growing up looks like.

posted 12:38:46am Apr. 27, 2012 | read full post »

Mothers have been recognized in special ways for thousands of years, since Ancient Greece.

The month of May is the month that people in many parts of the world specifically celebrate Mothers.

As a tribute to women all across the globe, I am re-printing this wonderful and heart-warming poem written by Bonnie Ross-Parker. Ms. Ross-Parker’s contact information is at the end of this poem if you wish to contact her directly.

“The heart of a woman is as big as life.  She initiates conversations with strangers in the bathroom. She recommends the perfect place to find the perfect dress to a woman she meets at the beauty salon.  She clips coupons to send to her daughter-in-law.  She smiles when she would rather scream, cries when she is happy, and often says “yes” when she means “no.”

A woman keeps the refrigerator full just in case someone stops by unexpectedly.  A woman fights for what she believes in by supporting community endeavors with both time and money.  She listens to friends, helps with homework, and gives unconditional loves.

Women cry over their children’s accomplishments, during a romantic movie, while reading sentimental cards at a card shop or when opening a special present.  Women openly express happiness when hearing about the birth of a baby, an engagement, or a marriage.  Women share their emotions from their heart.

Women remain strong even when they think they have no strength left.  They comfort loved ones in mourning, visit friends and family who are ill, and offer hugs and kisses to soothe broken hearts.  Simply put, women connect!  They write letters, make phone calls, send e-mails and stay in touch.  Women care!

Women are present wherever and whenever they are needed.  They intuitively know where to offer their love and support.  Women do more than give birth.  Where a woman is there exists joy and hope.  She brings compassion and companionship. She gives moral support.  She acknowledges.  She reassures.  Women are mothers, daughters, wives, lovers, sisters, aunts, and grandmothers.  They give, they guide, and stay grounded. They are amazing not only for what they accomplish, but for the values they impart.  Women earn our respect every day not only because of what they do, but because of who they are.

When you are touched by the heart of a woman, and realize how wonderful she is, be sure to let her know.”

To Celebrate and Honor All Moms around the world this month, the dedicated team at DrJackieBlack,com would like to take this opportunity to say…

Je t’aime, Maman!
Te amo, Màma!
Ich liebe dich, Mutter!
S’ayapo, Màna!
Ya tyebya lyublyu, Mat’!
Ti amo, Madre!
Ani ohevet otach, Ima!
I love you, Mom

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Re-printed with permission from Bonnie Ross-Parker:
web site: http://www.bonnierossparker.com
email: bootgirl@bonnierossparker.com.

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
Scan the QR Code and download your Free MYMARRIAGECOACH App

Parents are their children’s first and most important teachers. In this critical role parents have the greatest impact on their kids’ academic, physical, social, and moral development and the greatest impact on their children’s motivation to learn. In my experience, parents are typically eager to do everything in their power to contribute to their children’s success in school, but they’re not always shown how to do this. The following suggestions will help parents empower their kids to be the best they can be.

1. Commit yourselves to playing an active role in your child’s education.  Frequently, many parents leave the responsibility for their child’s education solely with the teacher. No matter how satisfied you may be with your child’s teacher (and I hope you are very satisfied), this practice is unwise. Remain involved on a consistent basis, and feel free to ask questions and raise any concerns that you may have about your child’s progress.

2. Repeatedly express to your child how important it is to work hard, take school seriously, and achieve as much as possible academically. Explain all the benefits that come from learning, such as increased pride and confidence, greater educational and career options, and a greater ability to participate in community affairs and activities. You can never repeat this message too many times.

3. Develop a homework policy with your child. No television until all homework is complete? No play time? Discuss these issues with your child so that both of you are clear about your family’s expectations for home study. Then be sure to hold your child accountable with regard to these expectations. Completing homework should not require a nightly battle.

4. Provide your child with a quiet study area. If possible, supply a desk and a spot to keep all necessary books and materials organized.  With or without a desk, however, it’s critical that your child have a consistent, well-lit place to study that is free from distractions. Providing such an atmosphere will not only enable your child to have an easier time studying, but also it will send a clear message that you think doing homework is an important priority.

5. Encourage your child to complete homework activities as independently as possible; offer help only when necessary. Giving too much assistance may cause your child to become too dependent on you while not giving enough may cause frustration. Strive to achieve the right balance so that your child exercises responsibility while you still remain actively involved in overseeing their efforts, both on daily homework activities and during long-term projects and test preparation.

6. Respond promptly to all notices that your child’s teacher and the school office send home. Do your best to stay on top of these matters.

7. Discuss school events and happenings with your child as frequently as possible.

8. Be sure that your child gets enough sleep each night and eats a nutritious breakfast each morning. Students perform significantly better academically and are able to put forth consistent effort when they are well-fed and well-rested.

9. Be sure that your child takes to school each day all needed supplies. Of particular importance is a sturdy folder or binder in which students can securely transport homework papers and other important documents to and from school.

10. Encourage your child to exercise as much as possible. More is being written every year about the importance of exercise and its powerful impact on the brain. Exercising before school has been shown to improve children’s focus and attention.

Following these suggestions dramatically increases the likelihood that students will be successful in school. Specifically, when parents consistently emphasize these priorities, kids will be more responsible, organized, and motivated. In addition, they will work with greater focus and greater purpose and be far more likely to maximize their considerable potential.

Steve Reifman is a National Board Certified elementary school teacher in Santa Monica, CA. He is also the acclaimed author of several books, including Changing Kids’ Lives One Quote at a Time and Eight Essentials for Empowered Teaching and Learning, K-8, and the creator of the Chase Manning Mystery Series for kids 8-12. For tips and strategies on teaching the whole child, visit www.stevereifman.com.

Content provided by www.parentingbookmark.com. © Copyright 2012

As a mom, when was the last time you really did something for yourself?  Odds are, you probably don’t remember.  Or if you do remember, it was quite a long time ago.  The problem with motherhood is that we have a tendency to put our children’s, husbands, and everyone else’s needs before our own.  It often feels like that’s what we were meant to do. 

Moms have the natural ability to nurture everyone around them, but the problem with motherhood is that we spend so much time nurturing everyone else that we forget to take care of ourselves.  A mom simply has to take care of herself and continue to grow in her own life, or it’s only a matter of time before she finds herself unable to help her children grow. 

Hare five simple ways moms can help themselves to personally grow.

1. Take yourself on a date.  Just as married couples need regular dates and time alone together, you also need some time to yourself.  A mom’s days are full of requests and demands from everyone.  She needs regular dates when the only demands she hears are from her own mind.  You can never grow if you don’t take a little bit of time to indulge your own interests now and then.  Spend some time enjoying “me time” at your favorite bookstore or have lunch out with the girls one day.  It can even be as simple as spending some quiet moments with your journal at the park. 
2. Plan ahead and let others help you.  As moms, we often feel the need to be super women.  We find a way to bake three dozen cupcakes for our child’s bake sale, work overtime to prepare for an important presentation for work, and still have a perfectly cooked dinner on the table at six p.m.  The problem with this scenario is that it usually means that the things you need to get done, simply don’t get done.  Each night just make it a point to plan for the next day.  Prioritize what you need to get done and rank your to-do’s in order of importance.  Figure out how to delegate some of your tasks and ask your family to help you.  Chances are, they will appreciate being able to help “Super Mom” save the day.
3. Write a self-affirmation statement that gives you power and repeat it to yourself every day.  Remember that the things we focus on in life are the things that we enact.  Writing a self-affirmation statement is one thing you can do to set yourself up for a successful way of life.  It should affirm something you enjoy doing and set a goal for self-care.  Affirmations are terrific ways to empower us.  Identify two places where you will see your affirming statements several times per day.  Some ideas for locations include the bathroom mirror, the steering wheel of your car, or on your work computer.
4. Blend the things you need to do with your family activities.  It’s been said that you should work smarter, not harder, and the same truth applies to motherhood.  Get creative with the things you need to accomplish by doing them at the same time as your family activities.  When you are choosing an activity for your child, ask yourself how you can care for yourself while caring for your children.  Think about what you can bring with you while waiting in the carpool line.  It might be a book on tape, your calendar, or a puzzle book that will take your mind off of work.  If you’ve been missing out on exercise, take your kids to the park and let them play while you take a walk or run around the park. 
5. Set a personal goal for yourself and then make time to meet it.  Growing is all about meeting our goals, and you’re the only one who can make time to do it.  Only you know what you truly want to do, although you may have forgotten exactly what it is.  Spend some time getting to know yourself again and remember all the parts you gave up in order to be what you think of as the perfect mom.  Once you realize what it is you’ve been missing, set a goal to accomplish it, and then put yourself to the task.  Get your family involved in your goal, and they’re sure to cheer you along every step of the way.

Growing is something that comes naturally to all of us, and it’s up to us to ensure that we don’t forget to grow ourselves along the way.  Take control of your life back and remember to nurture yourself so you can continue to nurture others.

Mia Redrick, Mom Strategist is a mom of three, author and speaker empowering one million mothers to practice better self-care.   Redrick is the author of Time for mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for A Mother’s Self-Care. For tips from The Mom Strategist visit www.findingdefinitions.com. 

Content provided by www.parentingbookmark.com. © Copyright 2012.

Today’s guest blog comes from Marney K. Makridakis, author of Creating Time. She founded the Artella online community for creators of all kinds and the print magazine Artella. A popular speaker and workshop leader, she created the ARTbundance approach of self-discovery through art. She lives in Dallas, Texas. Visit her online at www.artellaland.com.

One of the most prevalent comments I’ve heard about time is the idea that we need to “balance our time” to live a more “balanced” life. I think the concept of balance is, sadly, often misunderstood. We often feel that if we are focused and disciplined, upbeat and positive, loving and generous, healthy and energetic…then we will be “balanced people.” And if the pie chart of our daily life has just the right ratios of work, life, family, health, spirituality, and service, then our time will be “balanced.”

The problem with striving for balance is that most people’s understanding of this state swerves away from what balance actually is! Balance is not about walking around with a bunch of “positive,” happy qualities; it’s about walking the tightrope between the poles within us and the circumstances outside of us. True balance, ironically, means that we accept the parts of ourselves that can be pretty lopsided. Balance means we can embrace and love the most topsy-turvy parts because they offer gifts for full, authentic living.

Even though we measure time in a linear way, time is and always will be asymmetrical. One moment is not like another, just as each day is different and each tide that rolls in is different from the next. This is why it is impossible to “balance our time” by some objective pie-chart formula in a time management book. Exploring nonlinear, asymmetrical time allows us to move in tandem with an inherently lopsided time and thus regain our relative balance. If we stop constantly measuring ourselves against the standards of linear time, we can accept ourselves more fully. New possibilities emerge as we tango with tenacity and disco with uncertainty.

Based on the book Creating Time: Using Creativity to Reinvent the Clock and Reclaim Your Life ©2012 by Marney Makridakis. Published with permission of New World Library www.newworldlibrary.com

Previous Posts

Reinventing Time and Balance
Today’s guest blog comes from Marney K. Makridakis, author of Creating Time. She founded the Artella online community for creators of all kinds and the print magazine Artella. A popular speaker and workshop leader, she created the ARTbundance approach of self-discovery through art. She lives in Dall

posted 12:52:50am May. 07, 2012 | read full post »

The Secret to Happiness
I’ve been your faithful Beliefnet editor and Inspiration blogger for more than a year now. Whenever people ask me what I do, I tell them that I write about how to be happy. Almost immediately, their next question is, “So what’s the secret to happiness?” When I first started this job, I used to s

posted 12:31:42am May. 03, 2012 | read full post »

86-Year-Old Grandmother Starts Email Ministry
Today’s blog is a reprint of a story originally published in Pamlico News of North Carolina. Just think. This woman went from not being able to type to launching her own newsletter that helps connect and pray for people. Never let age be a factor in trying new things. As a wise woman once said, “It’

posted 11:25:48am May. 01, 2012 | read full post »

Time-Lapse Video Shows Baby Growing Up
This video was done by a father from the Netherlands who filmed his daughter, Lotte, every week from her infancy to 12 years old. This is what growing up looks like.

posted 12:38:46am Apr. 27, 2012 | read full post »

Keep Moving Forward
Oh, the crazy things I do for a medal and a t-shirt… This past weekend I ran my third half marathon. My running partner and I were aware something might go wrong when a day or two before the race, the region had a stormy forecast. The wee hours of that fateful Sunday morning were okay on the dr

posted 12:01:50am Apr. 25, 2012 | read full post »