I know it has been a while and I hope you are all doing fantastically with your happy families.  I’ve had a year of ups and downs but one of the ups has been working with Everyday Feminism.  Now I’m getting ready to launch a parenting class through Everyday Feminism called Transformative Parenting: Finding Your Authentic Parenting Voice.

I think I’ll be bringing gentle parenting to a whole new group!  This class is different from anything you’ve seen because instead of focusing on changing your child it focuses on reflecting and growing yourself into the parent you want to be.  Harmonious family relations is just a happy side effect!

Will you take a moment to take this short survey?  We really want to tailor the class to your needs both in terms of content and especially in terms of time commitment   We are all so busy!

Please answer the survey by Friday, April 19th.

As our thank you, you will get a discount coupon for the online course when it’s open for registration. We’ll send you the coupon when you can start registering.

And as part of our social justice mission and commitment to financial accessibility, we allocate 25% of course sales into a scholarship fund to subsidize parents and caregivers who with limited financial means.

Thanks!

Paige

My older two kids fight frequently – lots of hitting. This is very painful for me to have to witness. I feel very angry when I see them hurt each other. However, I do my best to stay calm and loving. We used to do time outs when they hit. However, we stopped time outs and similar consequences about 1 year ago. Since that time, after hitting, we engage them in discussion about why it is not OK to hurt eachother and we go through conflict resolution process that is based on non-violent communication. In addition, we ask the hurter to help the hurtee in some way.

That’s where this great network of GD bloggers, authors and more comes in so handy.  There are times when I’ve felt I’ve lost my way and my “mean Mommy” is starting to creep back into daily life.  All it takes is a 30 minute reminder of some basic principles or a blog on exactly the issue I’m dealing with to get me back on track.  I started keeping a list of all the posts that really spoke to me.  I thought I’d share them with you here.  (Please note: I am not a big non-fiction, self-help book reader.  I’m more a “trashy, clear out the brain fiction reader to turn off my brain before bed” kind of book reader.  So, I really learn a lot more from others experiences and “best of” lists.  If you’ve got some wonderful books that have helped you, please add them to the list for others.)

1.  What is Gentle Discipline?

This is a great definition of what the heck we are talking about and a concise way to explain it to others, which I just had to do at lunch today.  Someone asked, “If you don’t punish, what do you do?”  Well, that’s not a short answer, my friends.

2.  The missing link in gentle discipline: Emotion

I love this one because it focuses on the feelings of the parents and the child and gives some great examples of how to tap into the emotions behind the behavior in many different situations.

3.  Creating a world of facts, instead of a world of commands

(This nugget is part of a larger post, that is all good, but I think this part at the end is the best!)

I admit it, I am a nag.  I pride myself in the fact that I can get people at work to do things they don’t want to just to make the nag go away.  I’m a nice nag, but a nag none the less.  But I absolutely hate having to tell my children a dozen times that they need to do something.  I caught myself doing this tonight, so this is a great post to come back to time and again for some good reminders about stating facts rather than commanding.  Like, “The dog is whining because she needs to go potty”, rather than “Take the dog outside, take the dog outside, please, take the dog outside…”

 4.  The problem with expecting kids to “co-operate”

This is my single favorite blog post I ever read on gentle discipline.  Wow, did it hit me like a zinger!  Just think about this, when you are asking your child to “co-operate”, do you really mean, “do what I say, now”?  I know that’s what I meant.  And sometimes that’s what has to happen, but I no longer kid myself into thinking I’m getting her to “co-operate”.  Read this one, it will rock your world!  Then, read this one:

5.  How Can We Work Toward Cooperation as a Family?

Some good tips to working towards actual co-operation, not the kind I was deluding myself I was achieving

6.  The Price of Denying Feelings

This one takes me back to my training about how all humans experience narcissistic wounding, by not being seen as they truly are by their parents and not having their emotional needs met.  Something I definitely want to avoid.  This post helps me remember why I’m taking the extra time and effort to be different and raise my children in a way that is a path less taken.

7.  Gentle Discipline How Tos

This blog post is a basic top ten list.  This is how I convinced my husband that I wasn’t performing voodoo on our kids.  I remember, we were on a long car trip and I printed this out and brought it along.  We chatted while the kids napped about each one of these.  At the end, he said to me, “OK, I think we do most of these anyway and I agree they make sense, we can just be more consistent and intentional about them.”  I think I saw a rainbow appear when he said those words and I knew I had him.  This is a great list for beginners to think about and to share with childcare providers as well.

8.  What are the basics of Win-Win parenting?

We talk a lot in GD circles about the “Gentle” part and what that means, but I had a harder time finding information about the “discipline” part.  I like this post, because it gives some good advice on setting the limits that are necessary and teaching our children.  This could be a great response to the “What do you do, if you don’t punish” question.

9.  5 Reasons to Stop Saying Good Job

This is probably the most controversial of the articles I’ve collected, and the hardest for me to actually follow.  It’s just such a natural tendency to blurt out, “Yeah!” or “Great Job!”  Makes a lot of sense to me though, so I try to insert some, “Looks like you worked really hard on that.” And “What’s your favorite part of the drawing you did?”.

10.     Encouraging things to say to kids.

So, if you don’t say “Good job”, what do you say.  Here’s a list of like 30 really encouraging things that focus on a child’s effort, problem solving skills, etc.  Every one of them would be really encouraging if someone said them to me.  In fact, I think it might be time to print this one for the fridge.

You’ve probably figured out that I don’t have an original thought about gentle discipline.  I’m still a novice on this journey and there are many times when I have to be gentle and forgiving with myself.  I’ve gotten very good at apologizing for my behavior to my kids and asking their forgiveness and understanding when I lose my temper.  As a coach, the thing I most want to help my clients become is “self-correcting”, so this list and the reminders that are offered, help me self-correct when I get off track.

And did you notice?  Most of the posts came from the 2011 Carnival of Gentle Discipline.  Can’t wait to see what I add to my list this year!

What are your favorite books, blog posts, or resources for Gentle Discipline?  Help make our top 10 list even bigger!  Enter your own favorite resource at the very bottom of this post (it can be by you or someone else and you can enter as many as you like!)

What a Carnival!  So many great posts and inspiration for our parenting journey!  Thank you to all of our bloggers who shared so freely of themselves.

3 things you can do right now to continue your Gentle Parenting journey:

1.  Subscribe to all the Carnival of Gentle Discipline blogs at once with this combined RSS feed!  I’ll be adding last year’s Carnival authors soon.  With this one subscription you can quickly browse some of the best gentle parenting blogging in the world.  I use Google Reader and read mine on my iPhone with the MobileRSS app whenever I have down time (waiting rooms, for example).  You could subscribe by email and quickly browse once a day.  There are tons of ways to integrate this into your routine. Find yours.

2.  Follow the Carnival of Gentle Discipline Twitter list:@babydust/parenting-gently-mamas If you are a twitter user you might prefer this to RSS.  You can follow the list and have one place where all the best gentle discipline tweeps are tweeting.

3.  Get your own Parenting Gently gear to spread the word that there is a better way!  Proceeds help us run Parenting Gently and keep it ad free.

Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting.  We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.   We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week.  Please stop by and enter to win! This year’s beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

In “Parenting Gently through the Preschool Phase“, Attached Moms discuss the transition from an attached parent of a baby to a gentle parent of a preschooler, complete with a sense of self and the ability to carry out their actions.

The Natural Parenting Mentors at Natural Parents Network address a reader’s challenging question in “Toddler Discipline and Balancing Needs“.  See three different answers chock full of practical examples to this question:

“…I am struggling right now with the fact that sometimes [my son's] wants and needs conflict with mine. I want to be able to say yes most of the time, and I want to model for him that both of our needs matter. He’s too little to understand reasoning though, and he doesn’t have much patience for waiting at this stage. For instance, I would like to be able to sit down on the floor next to him and eat a meal for at least five minutes, but I almost never get to do that because he pulls on my hand and says, “Mama up,” and tries to get me to go somewhere else in the house, hold him, or both. Also, sometimes I need to cook, do laundry, or check my email (with my attention diverted from him for literally five minutes at the most) but he wants all of my attention all of the time he’s awake. Any thoughts, ideas, or comments? …”

In “With Spit onMy Face and Love in My Heart“, by MomeeZen and “3 Common Preschooler Behaviors and 3 Ways to Deal with Them (While Connecting with Your Child) by Dionna at Code Name: Mama we learn how to put Gentle Discipline to the test in challenging situations and come out on the other end maintaining the connection to our kids and teaching them something along the way (and don’t forget you can enter to win Dionna’s book! Click here to enter to win an art print and other prizes).

And finally, join the discussion with Jennifer at PracticalOHMommy about the things that you find challenging about Gentle Discipline and why all the extra work is so worth it in the end in “The Hardest Part of Gentle Discipline is…“.

Enjoy!

Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting.  We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.  

We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week.  Please stop by and enter to win!

This year’s beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

If you are new to the world of Gentle Discipline, it’s important to know what the real meaning of the word “Discipline” really is. Merriam-Webster gives several definitions for the word discipline. Training that corrects and molds the mental faculties and moral character is the definition that is most in line with the basic concepts of gentle discipline.  Today’s posts focus on tools and techniques gentle parents can use to shape and mold our children gently, while still setting limits and boundaries.

In “We Don’t Do Discipline“, muminsearch describes the 6 foundational elements of the relationship with her children that take the place of punishment.

I remember having a conversation with my husband. He was wondering, “Shouldn’t we be doing what other people are doing – discipline our children, set consequences and use time-outs?”

My answer to that was, “We don’t need to”

Read more about why punishment and discipline aren’t the focus for them.

Paige is also talking about punishment today in Punishment in Perspective where she compares how we treat our children to how we treat our spouses.

In “Gentle Discipline Basics: Teaching Skills“, The Hippie Housewife provides a great set of tools that can be modified to all ages and stages of child development.  She reminds us that:

This idea of teaching skills applies throughout childhood. For example:

• babies can be taught to touch gently rather than hitting,
• toddlers can be taught how to express and work through their big emotions rather than being sent for a time-out, and
• children can be taught the skills of conflict resolution and making amends rather than having an arbitrary privilege removed as punishment after an altercation.

In “The Fine Art of Natual Consequences and Logical Consequences“, Hybird Rasta Mama breaks down the two main types of consequences that can be used in a gentle household and when each might be appropriate to call on.

Gentle parenting relies on two type of consequences: natural consequences and logical consequences. Natural and logical consequences help children learn responsibility. They also learn how to solve their own problems. With this method, parents can raise children without anger or threats. Children learn what happens when they misbehave and what they should do differently next time.

And finally, tune into PracticalOHmommy to learn how to “Save Time-Outs for the Soccer Field“.  She describes the use of various techniques including redirection, validation, and time-ins to teach children problem solving skills that they can carry with them into their grown-up years.

What are some tools in your gentle discipline toolkit that have been effective for you?

Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting.  We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.  

We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week.  Please stop by and enter to win!

This year’s beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

Imagine your child is your spouse

I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 13 years.  We fight, we argue, but we love each other very much.  We’ve even been through dark times due to infertility that almost tore us apart.  We do not blithely float through our marriage.  We actively evaluate and adjust course to keep us on the track to a happy and fulfilling marriage.  I think to say that we try to treat each other gently is an understatement.  We love each other, recognize each other as unique, wonderful, flawed people who we chose to build a strong relationship with.

Imagine defining your relationships with your child that way.  My child is a unique, wonderful, flawed person who I love and choose to build a strong relationship with.

What would this look like and what wouldn’t it look like.  Let’s look at common parenting practices in this light.

Spanking

Punishment – My husband disobeys me, smarts off, or makes me mad.  I hit him.

Reality – this is called assault or spousal abuse.  It is not ok.  And it doesn’t work.  I”m sure it would NOT strengthen our relationship but make him want to go very far away from me.  This is a breach of trust – disrespecting his whole person and body.

Non-punitive –  If my husband hurt my feelings (smarted off) or did something I asked him not to do (disobeyed) I would tell him how I felt and what I thought should happen.  I would say “that hurt my feelings/upset me and I don’t feel comfortable with you when you do ____.”

Time Out

Punishment - My husband write on my wall with a sharpie.  I ignore him and won’t talk to him to show him I’m angry.

Reality - this is called the silent treatment and is really immature and passive aggressive.  It is selfish – it says I’m not happy and I want you to figure it out and fix it and I don’t care to hear your side.  My love is contingent on your actions and you aren’t getting any (sometimes in that way) until you shape up!

Non-punitive -  Being passive aggressive does not help me get what I need and it erodes the relationship.  What I want is not to have to clean sharpie off the wall and I *do* (or should) care what his reasoning was.  I can respect his point of view (writing on the wall was fun!) AND disagree with his implementation (behavior) and ask for an alternate plan that meets both our needs.

Consequences

Punishment - My husband leaves his socks on the floor so I won’t let him watch football.

Reality - I hope this sounds silly to you.  The problem with “consequences” in traditional parenting is that they are arbitrary and don’t teach anything.  And even though it does sound weird I do want to teach my husband.  If I’ve decided that socks is a big issue for me (optional, don’t forget) then I need to talk to him about my needs.  Honestly he probably doesn’t care about socks as much as me and wasn’t trying to spite me when he did it.  He just forgot.  If I can focus on his wonderful qualities and not make a deal out of socks, better yet.  I was on my way to the hamper anyway.

Non-punitive -  What do you want a husband that obeys your every command for fear of you taking away his privileges?  Or do you want the socks in the hamper?  If it really frustrates me: “honey, can you go in the room and pick up your socks, please?”  If it moderately frustrates me: “honey, I picked up your socks.  Can you use the hamper next time?”  Or, just do it and don’t say anything.  It is just a sock.

Yelling

Punishment - My husband spills his juice on the floor.  I launch into a tirade about what a slob he is and how he always does this and now he better clean it up.

Reality - Jumping from juice on the floor to a character assassination is a far leap.  How does that make him feel?  Like a failure and like I don’t even like him let alone love him right now.  I guarantee when you freak out about a spill it is your emotions spilling over about something else.  You don’t feel appreciated for all the cleaning you do?  You wanted him to wait till dinner to have some juice?  Something else.

Non-punitive -  ”oh man, I hate it when that happens.  Here’s a towel.  Need some help?”  I empathized, offered help and implied that I trust him to clean up his own messes.  In other words he is a strong and capable man.  If you have an underlying emotion then see “time out” above.

The next time you think about punishing your kids stop and think a minute about if you would do the same to your significant other.  Of course there are some differences due to age – like preparing you child for transitions, offering choices, etc. – but when they do something you find “wrong” treat them as a unique, wonderful, flawed person who you love and choose to build a strong relationship with and see what unfolds.

Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting.  We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.  

We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week.  Please stop by and enter to win!

This year’s beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

Welcome to day 2 of the carnival!  Take a moment to check out yesterday’s wonderful posts.  Today we are continuing to look at some of the basic principles of gentle discipline.  Specifically these posts focused on compassion, cooperation, and empathy three words that are so important in gentle parenting.

First up we have Dr. Laura Markham @AhaParenting.com talking about When Empathy Doesn’t “Work”.  I know, for me, that empathy seemed too good to be true as a panacea for all my difficult situations.  It just couldn’t work as well as people said!  Dr. Laura points out,

When parents begin using gentle guidance, they’re often amazed by how well empathy “works” to calm their child. For most people, just having our views and feelings acknowledged makes us feel better, so we’re more cooperative. So once parents get past their fear of “agreeing” with their child’s “negative emotions” they quickly learn to empathize when their child is having a hard time.

She goes on to talk about some of the concerns parents raise about using empathy.

A lot of her answers are a change of paradigm; of living in harmony and respect with your children.  Our next author Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children talks about this topic of consensual living in One Size Doesn’t Fit All.

One of the biggest hang-ups about consensual living I hear from parents is that there is no cut and dry answer. There isn\’t a pre-set formula which says that the child did X so the parent must do Y. Differing from traditional authoritarian parenting, when an infraction by the child must result in a punishment by the parent, consensual living challenges the parent to observe what happened, communicate with the child, and work with the child to find a solution which is acceptable to all. For those of us who grew up with traditional American dogma concerning the treatment of children, it can be a siwtch in thinking.

A Teachable Mom also looks at this difference from mainstream thoughts on parenting in To me, Gentle Discipline Means…  She shares several great concepts (nurture YOU!) but I really loved this;

Gentle Parenting to me means choices. When I am able to take a deep breath before I respond to my kids, I find I have more choices in how I interact with them. You’d think breathing would be an easy task, given that I’m presumably doing it regularly. You’d be wrong! When something isn’t going my way or is different from my plan, my typical reaction is to control, not breathe; tighten, not soften. When I’m able to remember to breathe, slow down and be gentle with myself, I tend to enjoy family interactions more. I’m guessing my kids do too!

Yesterday Practical OH Mommy talked about her beginnings in gentle parenting.  In today’s post she talks about the concepts that rang most true with her in the early days.  I really loved what she had to say about the importance of play in So You’re Thinking of Trying a Different Way?;

This is hard for me, because I’m a planner. I know how many things are on my to do list and just how much time there is to do them. And I work 40-50 hours a week outside of the home, want to feed them nutritious meals, keep things neat and tidy, spend quality time with my husband, etc. So, I had to add “playtime” to the top of my to do list every day. Selfishly, I find that when we get in a few good giggles together, it’s not so difficult when I do have to herd out the door, etc. And I can certainly tell by the behavior I get back from my kids if they’ve had their quota of funtime with Mom and Dad that week or not.

Can you relate?

Lastly for today we have Momma On a Mission reminding us that Kids Are People Too!  Her post is one of my favorite ways of getting back on track with gentle parenting – thinking “what would I do with another adult in this situation?”  Usually that makes they way we treat kids seem ridiculous by comparison!

Just put yourself in their shoes, and ask yourself what you could do to help your child make a transition, or to help them accept doing something that\’s necessary but not particularly pleasant. When you do have to impose something on them, try to remember to empathyze with them and validate their feelings. These principles have gone a long way in helping me build my relationships with my kids, and it feels really good when we work together towards something that we can all be happy about.

I think that Dionna Ford of Code Name: Mama’s new book For My Children is a great way to connect with your child in this way.  The book itself is so beautiful with adorable art throughout but more importantly really poignant questions and journaling prompts that go far beyond the average baby book.  For example; “What do you value most about your children?” and “What moments have made you most proud of your child?”  I guarantee this type of reflection will help you remember to have empathy and respect for the unique people your children are.

Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting.  We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.  

We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week.  Please stop by and enter to win!

This year’s beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

If you’ve been here for the past Carnivals then you know I like to feature a motherhood artist.  This year we got really lucky with the beautiful artwork of Ruth-Mary Smith of Patchwork Family Art (Etsy Shop).  Here art is what led me to her but I found out her family, like mine, was a result of “non-traditional” family building.  Here is her story;

Isn’t that a beautiful story?  I think it reminds me how precious this parenting gig is which is really the foundation of gentle parenting.  Before we get started with today’s posts there is one other thing we do each year that I need to tell you about.

Giveaways!

Getting Started with Gentle Discipline

Today and tomorrow’s posts are all about getting started with gentle parenting.  Maybe you are wondering what gentle parenting is or you already know you like the idea but don’t know exactly what it means.  These posts are for you.

First we have Looking for a Better Way by Practical OH Mommy.  She tells us of how she came to gentle parenting a story I bet many of us can relate to!

from Samantha’s perspective, she didn’t really like me and told me that in just about every way she could.  She always preferred to spend time with her Daddy.  I would watch as he gave her undivided attention and played whatever she wanted.  I was jealous and thought if I just didn’t have so many darn things to get done, I could do that too.
At the end of one of the days I had Samantha with me, I sighed and thought what a good day it had been.  I only had to put her in time out 3 times and deal with major tantrums.  And now Daddy was home and they were giggling happily as he was tucking her in.  Something clicked for me and I realized that wasn’t really a good day.  I was tired of being “mean Mommy”.

Our next two posst look at gentle parenting from a Christian perspective.*  Dulce de Leche talks about Biblical Instructions for Discipline: How Should a Christian Parent?

What often gets lost in the focus on spanking, though, is that the Bible has a great deal to teach parents in other passages, too. One of the principles of gentle discipline is that instead of just telling our children what not to do, that we give clear, positive direction of what they should do instead. I believe God does that with His Word.

And I won’t spoil the surprise but head on over to see the biblical verses that talk directly about children and parenting.

Second, and similarly, is a post I wrote about nearly the same thing called Spare the Rod?  Does the Bible Promote Spanking?.  The scripture I look at deals less with parenting per se and more with the spirit of compassion impressed upon us by Jesus and how that relates to parenting.

Our next post is from Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy and is called Want a Hug?  I really love her post because it is something I struggle with daily.  It is so easy to fall back into the parenting patterns we see all around us, and in my case was parented with.  She challenges some of our assumptions about children which is really the foundation on which gentle parenting is built.

 Before finding people with similar ideals when my son was almost 6 months, I never knew people who wanted to use gentle discipline. I have to work each and every time something comes up to react in a way I can be proud of. I don\’t often succeed. The point is that I keep trying.

The last post for today is by Amy from Presence Parenting writing for Natural Parents Network and is called 10 Principles of Unconditional Parenting which summarizes the ten principles from Alfie Kohn’s seminal book Unconditional Parenting.  His book (which you could win in this week’s drawing) talks a lot about they why of unconditional parenting but his ten principles are simple and concise and infinitely implementable ideas.  If you haven’t read his book this is a great peak and if you have it is a great reminder.

* Parenting Gently is actively seeking guest posts about gentle parenting and other cultures and religions. Contact us at parentinggently@gmail.com for more information.

Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting.  We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.  

We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week.  Please stop by and enter to win!

This year’s beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

I’ve already written about Ezzo’s parenting books .  However, he isn’t the only Christian author telling us how to raise our kids in a punitive manner.  Tripp, Welchel, and the Pearls to name a few.  It seems that Christian-based books are much more likely to include “training” and physical punishment than secular parenting books.  Does the Bible want us to spank?

The verse oft cited to command corporal punishment is

“He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24)

The word “rod” is translated from the Hebrew word shebet. A shebet is a shepherd’s staff or a king’s scepter, and it sybolizes authority.  A shebet was used to guide sheep and to protect them by fighting off predators - not to strike the sheep. Using the word shebet, God gives parents the authority and responsibility to discipline – a word meaning to teach – their children.

Conversely there are a myriad of verses in the New Testament that go against this aggressive and punitive parenting style:

“the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance. . . ” (Gal. 5:22, 23b),

“Love is patient, love is kind” ( I Cor. 13 )

“. . . we proved to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children” (I Thess. 2:7)

“do to others what you would have them do to you” (Mat. 7:12), etc.

My favorite is Matthew 25: 41-46;

“‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.  For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’  He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’” (Mat 25: 41-46)

Yes, we have a responsibility to teach our children and raise them in a Godly manner but we also have the example of grace, kindness, and gentleness that we should exhibit in all things.  You can raise your kids without CIO and spanking so, why wouldn’t you?

Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting.  We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.  

We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week.  Please stop by and enter to win!

This year’s beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

Gentle Discipline 101

Michelle at The Parent Vortex talks about Gentle Discipline in this way,

[G]entle discipline focuses on helping children work through difficult emotions and frustration in a supportive and empathetic environment and using discipline as a method of teaching children instead of simply punishing them for misbehaviour and rewarding them for good behaviour. Gentle discipline does not primarily aim to control children through external motivators such as rewards, praise or punishment, but rather aims to teach children how to control their own behaviour based on their own judgement and motivation.

Michelle also offers a variety of wonderful resources for learning more about gentle discipline.  But watch out!  You might find, as she did, that learning about gentle discipline can change the way you think about everything.

Golden Rule Discipline

Alison at Novel Mama builds on the concept of treating children with love and respect as you would also want to be treated by looking at Jesus’ call to follow what we call the Golden Rule.  She points out,

We would never dream of telling an adult to go sit in time-out and think about what they’ve done, nor would we consider one adult slapping the other as an acceptable way of teaching anything. (And implying that God condoned that slap would be considered by most to be spiritual abuse.) Yet we have no problem banishing children to a corner or a room to sit, alone, rather than getting to the root of their behavior, and many people see no problem with deliberately causing a child physical pain to “get a point across.”

She also asks what effect this has on a relationship,

Do you trust people who deliberately hurt or belittle you? If your husband or wife slapped you or shamed you or sent you off alone every time you exhibited poor behavior, what would your relationship look like?…At the heart of the Golden Rule is the concept of grace. We want it extended to us–why should it not be extended to children as well?

Her article is very well written and speaks to parents regardless of their religious affiliation.

The Power of Praise

Marcy at Mighty Marce talks about the power of praise and reminds us it might not be what you think.

Children instinctively want to please adults, and giving lots of very enthusiastic praise can cause them to start doing things in order to please and get that praise, rather than because they truly want to do them (to use creativity in art as an example, they may start making the kinds of drawings that tend to get them lots of praise, rather than what they may want to draw for their own enjoyment).

In this way, praise, can become another tool of control that we inflict on a child to gain something we want.  Marcy offers some pointers from her experience with the Montessori method and some additional resources for learning more about the power of praise.

Today’s feature posts are a wonderful primer to rethinking the way society tells us to think about discipline.  Throughout the week we will have posts that talk about specific ways to incorporate gentle discipline into your daily life.  Please stop back and visit our feature posters!