Nobody could reach him but he had a spare key under the mat. Even I knew that, as I’d been over to his house for dinner and socializing. He wanted to make sure that if I got into trouble, felt sick or anything else, I was go straight to his place.

So sweet, but oddly ironic. His apartment was a longer walk away than mine.

No idea what happened, but he was found sitting in the living room, relaxing in his favourite chair with the TV on. rigor mortis.

He was older but not that old. Smoked and some other health issues he told me in secret.

Heart Attack? Aneurysm? Something that was fast since he wasn’t found in an odd, accidental or dangerous position. Those two are my suggestions. He had serious cardiac problems.

NOTE: this Post was started days ago. I found out he was recently scheduled for an angiogram for cardiac care.

He was a part time bartender at our local pub. Such a small clientele means two degrees of separation. Or one.

When I got there, a mini shitshow as there weren’t a lot of people around. The news was new.

He did a lot for the Community too. Coached and organized an entire baseball league. Get kids off the street and give them some proper support and guidance.

I met a lot of the kids too. So happy and full of joy.

NOTE: I have no long since I started this.

This actually happened yesterday. I’ve been up all night and it’s well into morning now. Somehow I managed to have a shower. I don’t understand how that occurred.

I’ve connected with his sister to offer any help necessary. She said she’ll be in touch. They don’t live here plus I have been through this process when my Mom passed away.

I’m tired but no sleep now. The sun is beaming like a laser into my eyes.

Not sure what the next few days will bring, but since he worked at our little pub it’ll be days of an Irish Wake. My liver is in for a serious ride.

I’m back to complete this after several days.

My liver might be falling at this point. I’m too jittery and full of ADD, Asperger’s and mourning my Mom all over again. At least I’m getting some sleep.

I gave some resources to his sister and offered to help with anything regarding the throngs of people coming to the Visitation.

I haven’t heard back, but I know it’s a big deal serving food to people constantly, and always coffee and tea available.

The Funeral Staff don’t actually do that as there could be more services to attend, and seriously it isn’t their responsibility. They’re not Servers in some fancy Cafe!

I’ll show up and just see what happens. I know the drill.

Just now, I was trying to explain to someone how to do curls for their biceps. They were going to fast. You need to go at a slow rate, inhale when you lift and exhale when you lower the bell.

Think about how fast you can inhale and exhale depending upon the weight you’re lifting. Without taxing your breathing or respiratory response, lifts should match in kind.

This then evens out your rounds and repetitions. That’s very important because if they’re not consistent, you can end up with strains or injuries.

I’m not a Fitness Instructor but I think I’m right. I’m just working from my Medical Anatomy and Physiology knowledge. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. I’ve just worked out this way and I know it’s worked.

This is just an example in the immediate. People still don’t listen to me when I really know what I’m talking about.

It pisses me off. To no end. Do I really sound that fucking stupid?

Okay. I’m sitting outside on my patio, having some beer and listening to music. iTunes on Shuffle.

The weather is gorgeous. It’s later in the evening. Almost 2200hrs, and I feel like I don’t want to go inside any space ever again.

If I’m correct, Jupiter is right in front of my eyes. It’s huge. Right this time of year it should be huge, I believe. So I’ve got a front row seat!

I was listening to this earlier. It makes me cry no matter how many times I listen to it.

What else? Why don’t you tell me?

There is one thing I do remember. Artichokes are your best friends!

Put them in everything! Yummy.

Okay, I cheat. I don’t put them in everything. I’ll just eat them while I’m cooking. You can follow that rule too.

Yummy.

I did this years ago while Bipolar High Swinging. Alone, lonely. However, the majority of the time was when I was spurned (or worse) by a woman I was in love with.

Yes I’m gay. And a clear yes to the spurning and worse, it was unrequited love.

So I’d select some random guy and fuck him. Certainly not the other way around.

It was ridiculously easy. Sit in a corner. Pick one. Start making eye contact, and before you knew it, all of your drinks were free.

Back home was ridiculous. All of the compliments, wanting to “make love.” I wanted to slap them all until their teeth fell out. The only thing that was alright was giving me a precoital massage. Briefly.

Afterward, I’d kick them out of my apartment as fast as they came (extremely bad pun.)

One guy insisted upon sleeping and cuddling until the morning. I actually grabbed his stuff, threw it toward the door and started screaming at him to get out. I think it was 0400hrs or so?

I wasn’t angry with them, of course. They were nothing. Blank Canvases. Simply there for me to throw my life’s mess all over them. Constantly trying to find the right colour of an unruly heart.

I’m back again. This sordid terrain. Yes, there is another woman responsible who is driving me to become irresponsible.

Sure, I could “own it” but it’s not that easy. Especially considering the past, and how easy it’s been to slip into it all over again.

I need to stop stranger danger with these men I meet. It hasn’t been pretty.

More awesome, is I used to stream my own music. MP3 Of The Moment.

However, I required someone who had a Server. ftp up the files as WP wouldn’t let you actually upload your own files.

At least not in the way I wanted to for everyone. I enjoyed adding comments and quips below the link.

Well I’ve been gone so long, this is new! Toss up a fucking TouYube? That might help a lot with my own music choices!

I just might have to warn people that it’s all about the music, the song. Not the ridiculous, or even visually horrific images where I am guilty of assault.

I’m free and clear with this one though! At least as far as this one is concerned; song and images.

I desperately want Tukker’s jacket as well.

https://youtu.be/cYeFSbKOTOg

I won’t get technical, but the sound doesn’t head in all directions. Efficient sound. Better quality. Much.

So the best song I have to actually test that theory, is this one:

“Dance Yrself Clean” by LCD Soundsystem.

Have a listen. The BOSE does things. To everyone’s ears.

Plus not giving a damn crap about grammar.

I’d get into the story but I’m too tired and honestly ready for the Psych Ward because of it.

Soothing Goth Music and loads of drugs to get to sleep.

Laters.

Eleven and a half years has been a pretty good run?

There’s a joke amongst all of us Bloggers. It’s a joke because it happens all the time. “The Blogging Crisis!”

Or “Crises.”

Blank Page Of Writer’s Block, Fear, Frustration, Do I Write For My Readers or Do I Write For Me, My Stats Are Dropping, Everyone Else Is Better Than Me…

I could go on.

Another question asked, is about fun; enjoyment. That’s my reason. I don’t enjoy Blogging anymore. I don’t find it fun.

I do need to make some more Posts for clarification in some areas. However, I don’t think I’ll invest a lot of time in cleaning up a lot of things on the Index Page. And more?

When I’m done, I will leave it up for a while so people can still read it. Out of extreme humility, I do not want to say this, but I know it has helped people.

I am merely basing this on the Comments I have received, and friends I have made. Other forms of contact, and those who I have been honoured to meet in person.

Updates to follow.

Thank you and much love to all.
PA