I am trying to move some domains from 1 registrar to another and one of them failed because it had been less than 60 days after another transfer (which is against their policies) but it was on the cusp and has since passed the 60 day mark but the transfer is still in limbo.

Normally transfers can take anything between 1 hour to 48 and sometimes 72 hours, but thats seriously something wrong when it takes that long. This trnafser however has been in transit for 8 days now.

I am trying to get someone to resolve it and this is my last conversation with them.

19:08 Please wait, an operator will be with you shortly.
19:09 There are currently 15 chat request(s) before you in the chat queue.
19:09 Your request is important to us. Please wait, an operator will be with you shortly.
19:09 You are now chatting with Nataly H. – Domains Support
19:09 Nataly H.: Hello, you’ve contacted Live Support! How can I help you today?
19:13 Paul: hello
19:13 Paul: sorry to make yu wait
19:13 Nataly H.: Hello
19:13 Paul: I need the transfer of *******.*** cancelled
19:13 Paul: it failed and needs to be restarted
19:14 Paul: I have gone back to heart and rthey cannot do anything about it
19:14 Nataly H.: please let me check
19:14 Paul: and I got a mail from you guys telling them to nack it
19:14 Paul: but the transfer is showing your side as being pending
19:14 Paul: I will be back in 10 minutes
19:15 Nataly H.: Please specify was the transfer rejected by your current registrar?
19:18 Paul: no, it was in the 60 day limit that has since passed and the transfer needs to be started again, they did not reject it, they approved it but it never went through
19:21 Nataly H.: The transfer status from our end is pending. Unfortunately we can not cancel it at this stage. Please contact your current registrar in order to release your domain or reject the transfer
19:39 Paul: they have rejected it
19:39 Paul: and they cannot release it
19:39 Paul: because they have already accepted it
19:39 Paul: to be released
19:40 Nataly H.: In this case you will need to wait once the transfer is cancelled automatically at our end
19:40 Nataly H.: After that you will get a refund to your account funds
19:40 Paul: how long does that take?
19:41 Nataly H.: and you will be able to restart your transfer
19:41 Paul: this has been more than a week
19:41 Paul: someone restarted it for me the other night
19:41 Paul: why cant you ?
19:41 Nataly H.: it can take up to 5 days once the transfer is rejected
19:41 Nataly H.: Unfortunately we have no such option
19:41 Paul: when was the transfer rejected by Icann?
19:42 Nataly H.: I mean from the moment the transfer was rejected by your current registrar
19:43 Paul: it was rejected by Icann
19:44 Nataly H.: Unfortunately I can not provide you with this date, we have no such records
19:48 Paul: well someone found it out
19:48 Paul: why cant you ?
19:49 Paul: youre a registrar, you have the ability to have information on domains that no one else can access, and you do not have access to ICann data? I need this escalataed to your manager please
19:49 Paul: transfer me to your boss. not the team leader, not your shift leader, The boss, the guy that runs your company
19:50 Paul: get me him
19:50 Paul: I want to speak to him
19:50 Paul: not you
19:50 Paul: I will wait.
19:50 Paul: and dont cut me off or tell me to come back later
19:50 Paul: I am waiting right here
19:50 Nataly H.: In case you wish to speak to our manager please submit a ticket
19:51 Nataly H.: Unfortunately our manager is not available via chat
19:51 Paul: I do not want to send another ticket, I will wait
19:51 Paul: right
19:51 Paul: here
19:51 Paul: Im not going anywhere
19:52 Nataly H.: do you already have a ticket withus?
19:52 Paul: yes
19:52 Nataly H.: may i know ticket id?
19:52 Paul: NDE-563-18348
19:53 Paul: so you have been speaking to me for half an hour, and have had my details up there through the domain name and you have not noticed that there already is a ticket open in this regard?
19:54 Paul: unreal.
19:56 Nataly H.: In case your transfer was rejected by your current registrar he ticket with our upstream provider will be updated. Once we receive an answer from them you will be informed via your ticket
19:56 Paul: No, YOU need to pick up the phone and phone them
19:57 Paul: and say
19:57 Paul: we are trying to acceot a transfer in but there is a problem with it
19:57 Paul: please recitify
19:57 Paul: please do not make me explain to you how to do your job
19:57 Paul: so dont try to think
19:57 Paul: go and find me someone who knows something
19:58 Paul: if you have to think it means you do not know, so find me someone who doesnt think, they just do because they know how to do their jobs
19:58 Paul: I am your client
19:58 Paul: you are my provider
19:59 Paul: so as my provider I am telling you that I wan trying to bring you more business by bringing my domain to you.
19:59 Paul: at this point you should be very greatful of my business
19:59 Nataly H.: the ticket was updated. Once we receive a reply we will update you. Unfortunately we have no other way to contact our upstream provider. Hope you understand
19:59 Paul: and then jump quick to help me as fast as you can because you appreciate the business ofthe little man
20:00 Paul: if theres an “upstream provider” emergency, and the internet is falling down who do you phone?
20:01 Paul: what you should do is find the phone number of the upstream provider whose name you do not know and CALL THEM
20:01 Paul: who is your upstream provider and I will call them
20:01 Paul: give me a name and a number
20:01 Nataly H.: Paul, please understand that the only way to cancel your transfer is to contact our upstream provider. We have contacted them and are waiting for their reply. The transfer was rejected not from our end. And currently we have no option to cancel it immediately
20:01 Paul: or just a name I will search for them on the internet using google because I can
20:01 Nataly H.: our upstream provider is ENOM
20:03 Paul: i found the number on their site
20:03 Paul: 425.274.4500
20:03 Paul: call them
20:03 Paul: phone them up and tell them theres a problem
20:03 Nataly H.: They have been already notified about the issue via ticket
20:05 Paul: have you sent another ticket? or an update request?
20:05 Paul: have you marked the ticket as urgent?
20:06 Paul: have you updated the ticket?
20:06 Nataly H.: The ticket was updated
20:06 Paul: “Client very irate! please help!”
20:06 Paul: try tell em that!
20:07 Nataly H.: Paul, they were notified about your issue. Please allow the time for them to check and reply to us
20:07 Paul: time? how much more time? it has been 7 days
20:07 Paul: 7 days do you understand?
20:07 Paul: 1 week?
20:08 Paul: why must I wait?
20:08 Paul: I will wait right here till its fixed
20:08 Nataly H.: The transfer was initially rejected by your current registrar, not from our end.
20:08 Nataly H.: The request was sent to Enom to fix the issue
20:08 Paul: the transfer was started on your end, cancel it
20:09 Nataly H.: It can take time to investigate it and reply to us
20:09 Nataly H.: As I have said we have no option to cancel the transfer in this status
20:10 Nataly H.: Thje first time we contacted them the tranfer was not cancelled
20:12 Paul: wheres your manager?
20:12 Nataly H.: our manager is available via ticket system only
20:13 Paul: then update the ticket
20:13 Paul: and send it to him
20:13 Paul: he has my email address
20:13 Nataly H.: I will assign your ticket to our manager
20:14 Paul: see was that so hard?

Frustration of the epic kind is a post from: Paul De Sousa

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Looks like my favourite card room, Full Tilt Poker, is all in with a 1 outer.

According to their site it says the site is undergoing maintenance, its been like this for more than a day now and the word is that they were shut down by the FBI. Their gaming licence has been revoked by the Alderney Gambling Control Commission.

This comes on the back of the last crackdown which happened a few months ago, citing fraud and other bullshit.

So apparently if you live in the US of A, you are not allowed to play poker online, which would be akin to not being allowed to play baseball in the summer.

Stupid if you ask me.

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Most of us have been lied to most of our lives, we are brought up with lies.
Some of the classic lies that we were told as kids were things like Santa, the tooth fairy and if you play with it too much you will get hair on your palms.

Other classic lies through the ages include gems such as “The cheque is in the mail” and of course “I promise I won’t come in your mouth babe”

But the question remains, who lies more? Men? or women?

The way I see it is that men tell more lies, But they tell loads of small lies;
“I’ll be home in 20 minutes”
“I’ll take the trash out when there’s an ad break”
“I wasn’t smoking in the toilet”

However women tell bigger lies such as;
“It’s your baby.”

I remember Chris Rock going on about how everything about a woman is a complete lie.
That “smoking” hot tall chick you saw in the club? Well when she removes the hair extensions, the wonder bra, the make-up and the high heels what are you left with? Danny Devito.

But, after trying to think of which are the biggest lies ever told, I think the most commonly told lie has to be “I do.”

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It’s yours for life.
Well mind you, much like a dhcp issued address, the lease would eventually expire, in this case, when you die.

It could be used for external devices, or you can program the address into an internal device (I’m talking an internal into your body device) like a USB device, except it gets inserted into your brain via your rectum or something and then ties into a brain CMS and can even allow you to back up your brain or even format it.

Sure the external thing would be cool, you can use your IP as a gateway to an internal network, but its YOUR IP address, it goes everwhere you go, if you want of course.

The uses for a personal I.P. connected to an internal device would be mind blowing, I mean imagine being anywhere in the world and getting your mail pushed to your brain. You dont even need to read it, cause its there, you just need to remember it or recall it from memory.

Stream a movie right from itunes straight into your brain!

You would be sitting at a restaurant having lunch with a friend and it would be like
“So like dude, have you watched Sherlock Holmes yet?”
and you would be like
“I am, hang on, this is a cool part I’m experiencing”

Imagine the whole world of Thought Blogging. You think and your blog updates. Although if you are a guy and married, make sure your wife doesn’t subscribe to your rss feed, afterall we think about sex every 6 minutes.
You get home and your wife is like “You want to do WHAT to my sister?”

But I digress.

Imagine uploading to YouTube straight from your eyes! No need for a camera.

All you need to be is in wifi connecting distance from any hot spot and you are WIRED!

There would be a downside though.

Say you skip work for a day and then the next day your boss is like,”so where were you?” and you like “oh I was at home with a migraine” and then he goes “Bullshit! I did a tracert on your IP and the 2nd last hop was the 14th green at Kensington Golf Course!”

You would be kinda fucked.

The world would be a different place. Say Zuma dissapears, the headlines would read:

“Zuma feared dead, no reply to ping”

Mind you, if you are Zuma or Julius Malema, chances are you are going to find yourself getting DDossed pretty often.

And then of course you would have to deal with brain hackers, not to mention that everytime there’s an Earthquake in Haiti or a Tsunami hits East Asia, a million americans would get pissed off because 100 000 peers disconnected from the torrent swarm.

The upside to that though is that theres some spare bandwidth and your download speed should increase if you are using RapidShare.

Of course the biggest selling point would be the matrix like learn-karate-in-2-minutes upload thingy!

Thats it, I’m sold.

Where do I sign?

a personal I.P. address for life is a post from: Paul De Sousa

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From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 30 September 2009 6.04pm
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Inspection Report

Dear Peter,

Thankyou for the surprise inspection and invitation to participate in the next. I appreciate you underlining the text at the bottom of the page which I would otherwise have surely mistaken for part of the natural pattern in the paper. I was going to clean the apartment but had so many things on my ‘to do’ list that I decided to treat them all equally and draw pictures of sharks instead. I have attached one for your honest appraisal.

I have read through your list of chores and intend to rectify the situation by wrapping my entire body in eighteen rolls of super absorbent Thick’n'thirsty® paper towels, hosing down the apartment, then rolling around on the floor and rubbing myself up and down walls. I will cover the more stubborn marks with Liquid Paper. I will also get back to you in regards to the premises being inspected in another two weeks, my agreement to do so will depend on availability and not wanting to.

Regards, David.

From: Peter Williams
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 9.41am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Inspection Report

David

I suggest you take this matter more seriously. You were sent notice of the inspection as part of our normal procedure. You will not use a hose in the apartment. I have never heard of anything so ridiculous and it is not just about the marks on the walls – the light fitting in the lounge room is broken and the apartment smells of smoke.

Peter

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 10.26am
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Re: Re: Inspection Report

Dear Peter,

The light fitting was the victim of a toy lightsabre being swung in a space too small to do the same with a cat. I dodged a leaping double handed overhead attack and the fitting, being fitted, didn’t. I will grab a matching replacement $12 fitting from IKEA the next time I require a tiny iron board or glass tea light.

The smell you mistook for cigarette smoke was probably just from the fog machine. Each Tuesday I hold a disco in my bedroom with strobe lighting and special guest. As my wardrobe door has a large mirror on it, it looks like someone is dancing with you. I once dressed as a lady and it was almost exactly what I imagine dancing with a real lady would be like. Unfortunately, I kept worrying about falling, hitting my head and being found dressed that way so she left after only a few dances and a brief, but full of promise, kiss. You should come one night, it will be a dance spectacular. I imagine you are probably a good dancer because you are small and the smallest member of the Rocksteady Crew was definitely the best one.

Regards, David.

From: Peter Williams
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 1.16pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

David

I do not appreciate being called small and being sent stupid drawings of me being eaten by a shark. The apartment is to be cleaned and reinspected in two weeks time. You cant have a fog machine or anything like that at the apartment in case the smoke damages the walls.

Peter

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 4.02pm
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

Dear Peter,

I apologise for mentioning your smallness. It must be a subject most people you know avoid. Was it the Rocksteady Crew comment or the fact that the shark was actually very small in the picture, making you, in comparison, the size of a very small fish? I have attached a revised version which you can print out, pin to your cubicle wall, look at whenever you are feeling down and think “That Volkswagen looks way too small for me to get into, I must be huge.”

Regards, David.

From: Peter Williams
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 5.12pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

David

Do not send me anymore drawings. I am not joking. I am keeping a record of everything you send just so you know. If the apartment is not clean when we reinspect in two weeks time, we will consider terminating the lease. I suggest you take this matter more seriously as we have also had noise complaints regarding your premises.

Peter

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 6.27pm
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

Dear Peter,

Yes, I find loud music helps me relax while I clean as the music distracts me so much that I stop cleaning. Which is relaxing. I will probably get onto it this week though. I do not wish to be evicted as I have developed a severe case of agoraphobia and residing in an apartment where I can reach all four walls while standing in the one spot brings me a feeling of comfort and safety. Although the wood printed linoleum and IKEA light fittings only go so far in disguising an old apartment in a old building on a busy and extremely loud main road, the daily culling of plague proportion cockroaches gives me something to do in my spare time and it is good to stay active. I class the eighteen cans of surface spray I use per week as sporting equipment.

I purchased one of those electronic cockroach things you plug into the wall which is meant to scare cockroaches by sending a pulse through the apartment wiring but while it seems to have reduced the numbers, others have evolved to feed off the electrical signal, increasing their size. I am using one as a coffee table in the lounge and two smaller ones as side tables in the bedroom. Cockroaches would no doubt be susceptible to carbon monoxide poisoning though so will try running a hose pipe from my car exhaust to the apartment, closing the windows and leaving the vehicle running overnight. It is apparently an odourless gas so should not prove an issue for my son’s cub group sleepover. I read somewhere once that cockroaches can survive a nuclear attack so I have been collecting the dead ones and intend to glue several thousand to the walls thereby ensuring my survival should Cyberdyne Systems become self aware between now and when the lease runs out.

I also need to purchase a new vacuum cleaner before I can start cleaning as I used my current one to suck up a large spider a few weeks ago and I am afraid to pull out the sock I shoved into the end of the pipe to block his exit in case he is sitting in there waiting and getting more pissed off by the day. A few months ago while I was at work, a spider ran up my arm. I threw myself backwards from the desk onto the floor and rolled around thrashing while undressing to make sure the spider was not in my hair or clothes. Unfortunately I was in a client meeting at the time with a company that sold cleaning products. If the meeting had gone better they would have proven quite handy at this point.

Regards, David.

From: Peter Williams
Date: Friday 02 October 2009 10.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

I am not going to waste my time reading any more of your stupid nonsense. Clean the property or we will terminate the lease – the choice is yours. Do not email again unless it is of a serious matter.

Peter

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 02 October 2009 10.36am
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Nom nom nom

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The question was where do I find a longer dipstick seeing as mine no longer reaches the oil.

The responses I got were funny, some were scary.

me: hey dude, how goes? do you know where I can buy a longer dipstick for my golf? mine doesnt reach the oil anymore, I think I need a longer one

Nic: wtf dude, you feeling ok ?

Paul says:
*where can I buy a longer dipstick ?
Valheru says:
*VW? Goldwagen in Roodepoort.
Paul says:
*yar
*my dipstick doesnt reach my oil anymore
Valheru says:
*011 760 4626
Paul says:
*dude im kidding
Valheru says:
*They just off Main Reef in Roodepoort/Florida CBD
*lol
*ass
Valheru says:
*that what you get for being helpfull

Paul says:
*ekse
*you know about cars n stuff hey
*do you know where I can go buy a longer dipstick ?
Barend says:
*a longer dipstick… for what?
Paul says:
*cause mine doesnt reach my oil anymore
Barend says:
*ROFL… are you kidding me…

me: hey dude, how goes? do you know where I can buy a longer dipstick for my golf? mine doesnt reach the oil anymore, I think I need a longer one

Jeremy: My dipstick is very very long.

me: eh…

Paul says:
*how you doing?
*listen
*do you know where I can get a longer dipstick ?
*mine doesnt reach my oil anymore
Ricardo says:
*what you mean?
Paul says:
*the disptick in my golf
*doesnt reach the oil anymore
*I need a longer one
Ricardo says:
*how can it get short?
*well how about topping it with oil?
Ricardo says:
*ever thought that you got no frekin oil in engine?

Paul says:
*hey dude, how goes? do you know where I can buy a longer dipstick for my golf? mine doesnt reach the oil anymore, I think I need a longer one
robert.cairns says:
*lol how does that happen
Paul says:
*I dunno
*went to the garage this morning to check my oil but there was no oil on the dipstick
*so I reckon I need a longer one
robert.cairns says:
*lol I reckon you put in oil
*surely the dipstick is right?

Paul says:
*hey dude, how goes? do you know where I can buy a longer dipstick for my golf? mine doesnt reach the oil anymore, I think I need a longer one
Danny says:
*maybe goldwagen ?
Paul says:
*maybe I need oil ?
Danny says:
*also possible
*when was it last serviced?

Paul

hey dude, how goes? do you know where I can buy a longer dipstick for my golf? mine doesnt reach the oil anymore, I think I need a longer one

12:12Ben

lmao

you just sucked that shit up so i had to look at your profile status innit?

(Turns out my status said something about Man United’s result in the premier league and Ben is a liverpool supporter)

Paul

hey dude, how goes? do you know where I can buy a longer dipstick for my golf? mine doesnt reach the oil anymore, I think I need a longer one

12:12Grant

why doesn’t it reach?

I’ve got a mate who owns the Midas in Randburg on Hendrik Verwoed….near St Stithians

12:13Paul

dunno hey

went to the garage this morning to check my oil but there was no oil on the dipstick

so I reckon I need a longer one

12:13Grant

or you could put oil in your engine

might be the problem

lol

Paul

hey dude, how goes? do you know where I can buy a longer dipstick for my golf? mine doesnt reach the oil anymore, I think I need a longer one

12:14Brendon

is this a trick question

lol

12:14Paul

no why

12:15Brendon

i dunno, vw dealers?

sure theres lots in ur town

12:16Paul

dunno hey, went to the garage this morning to check my oil, but there was no oil on the dipstick

so I reckon I need a longer one

12:17Brendon

err

rofl fuck knows dude

neva heard of the dipstick being the problem

hahahahahah

me: hey dude, how goes? do you know where I can buy a longer dipstick for my golf? mine doesnt reach the oil anymore, I think I need a longer one

robinpietersen: ya sure, there is a wp spares shop in norwood, you can order online – http://tinyurl.com/cnh6b

Paul:  do you know where I can find a longer dipstick ? cause mine doesnt reach my oil
valevix:  you could use my penis

Herald

how bout some oil?

that’ll do the trick

12:24Bradly

maybe put more oil in :p

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I have heard of pros who take various drugs such as ritalin to help their game but lets investigate a few drugs and possible scenarios at the poker table shall we?

This is a parody

Marijuana

Chemical name : Canabis Sativa

Common street names : Weed, grass, dope

Using Marijuana at the poker table :

You giggle through the first 3 blind levels, the dealer has to ask you repeatedly to act on your turn. Your fumble your chips, drop them off the table then get a spasm in your hand while trying to riffle, by this time everyone is staring at you and you eventually become paranoid and introverted. You speak to no one and start trying to read everyone around you, you even start trying to get reads on the dealer and people not even in the hand. You do your stack when you call an all in on a flop of q22, and turn over j7 off and realize you folded q2 4 hands ago.

Probable quote : How much must I call again ?

Extasy

Chemical Name : Methylenedioxymethamphetamine

Common street names : pills, x

Using Extasy at the poker table :

You offer to give everyone a lollipop and a massage. You try give chips to the guy next to you cause the two of you had a moment and are now best friends. You feel terrible when you elliminate someone and ask the dealer to give them some of your chips.

They eventually throw you out for repeatedly blowing your rave whistle in the dealer’s ear.

Probable quote : Gee, you guys are the nicest people I have ever met, I love all of you. Lets get together soon hey, and we can all hang out!

PCP

Chemical name : Phencyclidine

Common Street names : angel dust, pcp

Using pcp at the poker table :

You watch yourself playing from the ceiling of the casino for a while then start freaking out because there are giant worms crawling out of the felt.
You get thrown out of the casino and later follow the dealer home, slit her throat and eat her lungs.
You spend the rest of your days hustling other inmates for cigarettes.

Probable Quote : I SWEAR YOUR HONOUR! A FLOCK OF HUGE FUCKING BATS TOLD ME TO EAT HER LUNGS!

Mushrooms

Chemical Name : Psilocybin

Common street names : magic mushrooms, shrooms

Using mushrooms at the poker table :

You giggle every time the dealer says your name or addresses you. You then suffer a bad beat and then blame the dealer for giving you a bad trip.
You are convinced the dude in the cut off seat is a narc.
You do your stack after looking at the same hole card twice and think you have a pocket pair.

Probable Quote : GEEEZ! this shit is like acid heeeey ?? what a hectic trip!

Heroin

Chemical name : Diacetylmorphine

Common street names : Smack, Junk, “H”, horse

Using heroin at the poker table :

You start rushing and slide off your chair and fall to a heap on the floor.
You get blinded out after getting carried out the casino where you just lie outside on the floor. Everything is hazy and your throat is dry.

Probable Quote : sheesh maaan, can shomeone perhapsh tell me where I finished in the tourney? AH fuckit, doeshnt matter…

Crystal Meth

Chemical Name : Methamphetamine

Common Street names : Meth, Crank, Tik, Crypto, Crystal

Using meth at the poker table :

You play for 3 days straight without sleeping or eating.
Youre convinced you have thenuts every hand and lose a small fortune.
You shag a couple of random girls in the bathroom and dont remember their names.
You eventually get thrown out of the casino for throwing a chair at a dealer who dealt you 72 off twice in a row.

Probable Quote : Sleep? fuck sleep man, and fuck you I’ll fucking cut your fucking throat you mother fucker!!!

LSD

Chemical name : Lysergic Acid Diethalamyde

Common street names : Acid, trips, papers, stamps

Using LSD at the poker table :

You keep staring at your chips because they are so brightly coloured. The dealer has to ask you a few times to stop rubbing the felt cause you have rubbed a hole in it so you start rubbing the shaven head of the guy sitting next to you.
You try and psychoanalyze everyone at the table with your new found wisdom.

You eventually do your stack cause you wanted to see if an indigo coloured card was going to appear on the river after seeing a rainbow flop.

Probable quote : SHOOOWEEEEE  WOW! FUCK ME! My chips are floating!

Cocaine

Chemical name : benzoylmethyl-ecgonine

Common street names : coke, powder, shnarf

Using Coke at the poker table :

You’re loud, brash, aggressive and obnoxious. No one at your table wants to talk to you so you raise your voice even louder. You keep trying to help the dealer count pots (incorrectly) You keep missing hands on your big blind because you’re in the bathroom doing another line. You eventually do your stack trying to bluff someone with 72 off while staring them in the face but instead of raising with your 72 off, you call his all in. You then throw wads of cash at the dealer so you can rebuy but this isnt a rebuy tourney. You spend the rest of the night railing your buddies on other tables and urging them to call any raise “cause the other dude hasnt got shit!”

Probable Quote : “heyman!hurryupandfold!Iwannaplay!thissucksimgoingtogodoanotherline”

Playing Poker and using drugs – what could happen ? is a post from: Paul De Sousa

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It’s not a bad result considering that I got no fucking cards for 2 fucking days!

My first hand of the tournament I picked up A7 of spades on the button, and called a raise to see a flop of 228 , 2 spades.

The original raiser made a continuation bet which I reraised and picked up the pot of 400 chips… and then my folding started.

I folded for 2 rotations folding hands like kq, a10, aj off utg. Not even in middle position was I picking up half decent playable hands. Eventually I found aj in the cut off and managed to pick up the blinds without a fight.

Fold, fold, fold till I faced a raise from the button, I had q10 in the BB which was not a great hand oop but I had gotten to the point where any 2 cards were starting to look good.

Anyway I called the raise and the flop fell QJ9.  Top pair and a straight draw. So if I bet and he raises? I’m either behind or already drawing thin, so I check, original raiser fires one at the pot and I pop it to 2000 chips. He stared at me for a while before mucking AQ faceup. I showed the 10.

Not too long afterwards I picked up AK off in middle position and raised to 5 X BB and Brett Pozniak instashoves, I fold my AK faceup and he claims to have had aces and was hoping I had QQ or KK.

hmmm… fold fold fold fold 45 suited in doaminds on the BB and Pozniak raises it up, by this time even 72 off was looking playable so I call and manage to flop 1 diamond on a paired board. We check to the turn and another diamond, check again to the river where I make my flush and I fire a small value bet into the pot, Pozniak calls and I take the pot.

I was a little peeved at Craig Perkel who mocked my play there because my river bet was so small ( 300 into 1500 ) but on a paired board with 2 small diamonds, am I gonna shove the lolly to stare down at a boat or a high flush ?

Perkel asked me what I would have done had Pozniak repopped me with 2000 more, well I _probably_ would have laid down. Maybe I should have checked the river to be safe but surely if he is first to act in the hand and has a hand he’ll try to extract a few chips out of me with a small value bet on the river?

At the end of the day I did win an extra 300 chips.

A few hands later I picked up A10 in a decent spot and raised, Pozniac called and checked the flop behind me, I decided to bet the jack that showed up on the turn and Pozniac raised me. The problem with this raise is that it was just a single raise, nowhere near the size of the pot, I couldn’t put him on the jack, already had chips committed so I called the difference and rivered an ace to take the pot down. Bad turn call ? probably, he did have the winning hand at that point but such an odd bet ?

Our table got busted up right after that hand and I moved to table 2. Only person I knew at my table was Jaime Vilela and he wasnt even there long before doing his stack with Ace10.
Sascha Walter joined my table after someone got knocked out and came with a monster stack of nearly 20 000.  But she wasnt even close to the table chip leader.

Some big dutchman had a chipstack of collosal proportions, probably 50 k. My 7500 stack looked miserable.

But I knew this fella would not make the money, let alone the final table. He was reckless; calling with any 2 and hitting the flops hard. He had absolutely no idea what position was or odds for that matter.  The concept of a starting hand range strategy was obviously foreign to him and could only at best be described as insane. But he did know how to do one thing well and that was call. He would call ANYTHING.

I learnt this the hard way when he called me all the way down to the river with 10 4 off after calling my preflop raise to make 2 pairs on the river and crush my A10, this guy was unbluffable and I was determined to get my chips back from him with interest. I was disgusted and let him know exactly how I felt, saying that I was going to take back my chips eventually. He just sat there with this stupid smug look on his face like a cat that got caught eating cream.

I lost 5000 chips to him and had 1 move left; ship or fold. I picked my spots carefully and shipped once with AJ to pick up the blinds and again with KQ with no action. 1 rotation later I picked up A10, shipped and got called. I was convinced I was behind only to see QJ and my A10 holding up for me to double through and back to around 8000 chips. I asked the calling station why he hasnt called me yet and he replies something like “ag you know, when I call I got the goods”  right.. k3 is the goods. I had seen him call a much bigger bet than my all in with K3, but I spose that an all in shove from a short stack is alot more intimidating than a raise from a big stack.

We took a break and a few minutes after the break someone to my left got knocked out and a new player was soon stacking his chips on the table to play so I used this  opportunity to run to the toilet to blow my nose, when I got back, the new player was already gone. wow…

Mike joined my table to my left and not long after I pick up AQ in middle position and call a raise from the player to my right, I considered repopping him in that spot because he was rather tight but I feared action from anyone behind me, so I smooth called and got to see a flop of AA2. Player checks to me and I quickly check behind him, turn is a 2 and he bets. I do a little hollywood before shipping the rest of my stack. He asks me if I really caught some of that flop and I responded by saying that I honestly hoped HE didnt have an ace ( I wasnt lying, I didnt wanna chop the pot) he calls and shows 1010. I double through then knock him out 2 hands later. Gareth soon replaced him.

After that I went on a tear, picking up pots with some good positional play and wielding my fast growing stack around like a battle axe.

Sascha was bleeding chips and was content to sit on her stack, I on the other knew that the end of the day was approaching and the day bubble was looming, I’m not going to sit around waiting for hands so I got stuck in, playing agressively from late position and picking up the blinds and antes with any 2 cards, j8, 47, k7, avoiding confrontations with other big stacks, the only big stack I had my mind on was the calling station’s.

It wasnt long before I had a scary stack of around 30 k and was about to go up against him, the calling station, whose stack had been whittled down to under 30k.  One flaw in my game is that I tend to let my ego get the better of me and often go after players who have sucked out on me or who have managed to get my goat somehow. But in this case, I can see a weak player from a while away and I knew that sooner or later he was going to lose his stack, I wanted to make sure I was there to rake in his chips.  He raises 3 x BB UTG and I call his raise from the small blind with 89 hearts. Not the best call I figured because I didnt have position, but if I did catch some of the flop, I was going to put him to the test for the rest of his stack.

Flop comes down 8 high with 2 spades. I check to him and he bets about 3 quarters of the pot and I ship my stack. Imagine my surprise when he INSTACALLS.

No hesitation whatsoever. He turns up A2 of spades and misses his draw completely for my pair of 8′s to hold up and send him packing.

As I rake in his chips, I look up and tell him that I told him I was coming for his chips. He says something like “ja its lekker to get clever afterwards” Well of course, duh.  I wasnt going to have the same attitude if he had made his draw.

So Gareth and myself are the chip leaders at the table, Im probably just outchipping him with a few thousand.

I double Mike up with a stupid play with KJ and a dumb continuation bet on a queen high flop when I know the man likes to play KQ. I’m committed to call the difference of his all in and I double him up and drop down to 52k.

They call it a night with 49 players left.

I still had to go to work the next day and the dentist. But I did manage to sneak in an hour or so nap before returning to Monte. I picked up a monster redbull on the way and popped half an obex and a handful of my ADD medication.

My strategy was to keep applying pressure to the medium stacks as the bubble approached. I had still yet to come across a big pocket pair so I had to continue to play from late position with some good continuation bets. Bet just enough to let the other guy know that youre committed to call his all in should he ship and thats scary enough for most people to reconsider their options.

I somehow managed to just stay at 52 000. I would pick up pots from late position and give away my blinds because everytime I was in either of the blinds the raise would come from middle position and I wasnt picking hands strong enough or even suited enough to defend with.

Mike got moved to another table and eventually some hindian chap n hol came and took his place. The Indian dude ships UTG and I look down to see KK in my big blind. I call his 8000 all in and he turns up 88 and ever so eloquently spikes an 8 on the flop to crack my kings. First big pair I get and they get cracked. mooooi!!! Myself and Gareth have a chuckle over big hands getting cracked and I try to think of the many times my Aces got cracked online since the beginning of the year. Too many. It’s almost unbelievable when I think about it, the number of times my aces have been cracked this year alone. I would say almost a daily occurence. The Indian gets moved right after that hand, taking my chips with him to another table.

By this time Roy had moved to our table and was seated to my left. I’ve played againt him before a couple of times and am wary of him.

I get Kings again a few hands later and basically min raise to pick up some action and everyone folds to me, I show the kings.  “Hey look, when I raise I got the goods.”

The bubble is fast approaching, we are down to about 28 players and I’ve gone back into my folding routine, not even daring to try play my aggressive position poker for fear that someone at this table thinks I’m tilting because of my kings getting cracked.

After 2 rotations, I shift gears and pick up the pace again with 2 very aggressive bluffs. First bluff was against Gareth who raised from cut off. I KNOW he is on the steal so I pretend to look at my cards and instantly repop him up to 12000. The blinds both fold and Gareth thinks, then mucks his hand, claiming to have had KJ. I peek at my cards and see 8 2 off. I muck them quickly.

Gareth gets moved and I try to establish myself as the table captain without much respect or co operation.

A couple of hands later I get 72 off in middle position, I’m feeling brave and raise to 8 000. Big blind calls and checks the flop, I fire another
10 000 and he lets his hand go, I show the bluff and get a few laughs from people around the table. BB looks disgusted. Didnt like him much so if I put him on tilt, yay for me. We go on a break and I return to my seat half an hour later.

The Indian chap gets moved back to my table, seated to my left between Roy and I and immediately knocks out 2 players and cracking pocket kings again with another set of 8′s.

Couple of hands later, I pick up AQ suited hearts in middle position, I raise 4 x BB and the indian fellow goes into the tank for a minute before shipping.
I show him the ace and fold. He shows me 2 in return. It wasnt a WOW lay down but a decent one none the less.

Tighten up again and after half an hour or so the bubble bursts and soon after, 2oth place also walks.

Down to 19 players. We lose another player and Eugene gets moved to my table and is seated to my right, in Gareth’s old seat.

I’ve never played against him before, so I figure that my best strategy against him is to hollywood about big laydowns with shit hands then set him up for when I do get a hand.

He raises my blind twice, the 1st time I took my time about folding, stared at my hand for a while then the second time I ummed and aahed about laying down QJ suited ( I actually had something ridiculous like 83 off )

18th player goes, Gareth gets moved back to my table and a couple of hands later on his Big blind I pick up pocket aces. Yip! the mass weapons of destruction, the bullets, the big ones.

And what do you know? Eugene raises! So this is what I was trying to set him up for. I go into the tank again, uhmming and aahing and doing the whole hollywood sing and dance, I count my chips twice then ship, Gareth instacalls and Eugene does a count. I’m happy for a caller but a 3 way all in? Aces get cracked like this often. Euegene reckons he is getting 4:1 to call an additional 20 k into the 80 k pot, he looks uncomfortable making the call and Gareth calls time. That annoyed me but I say nothing. Eugene eventually moves his chips to the middle after Gareth called time again and turns up pocket Jacks. Gareth shows AK and I fling my aces onto the table and shout “hold up!”

The flop brings a king, Gareth starts chanting for another King, but the death card falls on the turn, a Jack. I have 1 out and 2 % to river the winning hand. The river brings a 5 and I’m out in 16th just slightly ahead of Gareth in chips.

Dazed, I walk to the cage to fetch my prize money of R8000, wondering what could have been, should have been.

I went over everything in my mind, 5 pocket pairs the entire tourney, 22, 33 on the first night. Then KK ( cracked by set of 8′s) then KK again (no action) then AA (too much action)

Not a single straight, not a single set, no 2 pairs with both cards in my hand, 1 full house and 1 flush. In fact, not a single nut hand.

But the fact that I was able to wade through 184 players and cash in this event without big hands proves that I dont need to pick up big hands to win at poker, so just deal me my suited connectors in late position and hopefully you understand why I fucking hate pocket aces.

you dont need good cards to win at poker (or why I fucking hate pocket aces) is a post from: Paul De Sousa

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