http://www.forumapex.com Articles from our entertaining editorial team. en Sun, 04 May 2008 14:16:53 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.forumapex.com/images/pcapex/misc/rss.jpg http://www.forumapex.com http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/128138-return_to_modding.html Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:21:03 GMT ]]> Ugh - Oregon. Great state folks - but it's time for it to end. It's distracted me from my favorite obsession of all - computers. But now that I've planned to return to my shack in the woods of a god forsaken and cold state.... I ponder what shall I do when I return? Easy to answer my friends - mod again!

I often ponder the blissful ignorance I gave up when I came to this site. Once upon a time I was a hapless n00b and picked up my next computer from some electronics chain store... ohh those were the days. Now simple things become entirely to complex. I want a computer case that does not exist, and probably never will because it changes every few weeks. This is why I began to mod after coming to this site. Curse this site... Why do I feel the need to shove 220mm and 200mm fans where they were never intended? Am I over compensating?! Or do I just really like to do things others will never understand?

Once upon a time I was able to stare at the same store bought computer for years before growing tired of it, and feeling the need to upgrade. Now I need no excuse to upgrade, I need excuses not to! It's like a heroin addiction - I always need that next fix. I've tried all types of variations on the same old story to get that ultimate fix. I've overclocked, I've water cooled, I've done over the top aircooling, ATX and mATX, Intel and AMD. Been an elitest bios only overclocker, then relented and gave into software overclocking for a while. Obsessed over RAM, it's timing potential to top frequency. I've painted and had others paint for me with many different hues - Duplicolor rattle can to House of Kolol Pearl coats have covered my computers. I've seen them stripped, I've seen them bare - I've posted pictures of them everywhere.

Hardware - ohh how it torments me. It's like dating a woman and knowing she'll become boring in record time and I'll want to replace her sooner rather than later. The guilt, the shame... but what am I supposed to do? What makes me want to love every piece of hardware I see? Ultimately though - it's figured out by panning through money to performance ratios where the end sum is equal or less than total money on hand to complete the goal.

The average consumer - computers are so amazingly simple. Ohh sure they have no idea about what they're REALLY buying, but they buy it, they use it and brag around the office for a few days about their new toy... they may someday upgrade and yardsale the old, or give it to another relative/friend. No - I start with a chassis. I figure out what mods I want to do to it before I even buy it. In my mind I've ran almost every case you can imagen through my head and threw countless modifications at it before ultimately deciding against it. I gave it a shot, but in my mental tabulations, it somehow fell short normally. If it beats the odds and I do purchase it, I often wonder if the assemble line people in some far off land realize the brutilization it may some day endure. Sometimes I have a plan - sometimes I just wing it. I thrash it, I mutilate it, sometimes I even beautify it! But it's an ugly process - ohh the injustice it had to survive being made into something it was never envisioned to be by it's origonal designer.

It never normally finds a new home - I've invested to much. In storage 2,700 miles away from where I sit right now is a collection of empty shells and stripped down computer chassis. The carnage is great, but hidden away in plastic totes. They sit there - waiting for me to return and begin my sadistic ways again. It's soon too. I'm going back to my hermit shack in 2 weeks - and again the ugly cycle will begin. Stay tuned for return of the Crazy Alaskan Hermit modding - it's returning soon.
]]> Daily Disturbance Iateronmly http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/128138-return_to_modding.html http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/128055-polygamy_for_the_rest_of_us.html Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:00:57 GMT ]]> Well... MSN is running the flip side of that weird polygamy cult-thing. Their solution; show happy polygamists!

Here is my top ten for why I think polygamy would be a BAD idea:

1. If your wives all decide your an ass... wouldn't you have to pay alimony to every wife?

2. Women are supposed to have their "cycle" synch up after awhile... imagine that "special time of the month" times how many women are in your house.

3. You are most likely outnumbered in any vote. I'm already losing the "I want a motorcyle" vote in my household with only one female!

4. Women really enjoy having time with you. This means that you are going to need to please X amount of women around a full work schedule and anything else you may have planned.

5. One of the polygamist women in the MSN interview stated that her "husband" married her twin sister. Althouh there is a fantasy; I have to admit that if I were her... I know for SURE I don't want to touch anything my family has been into.

6. Children: Given the nature of the relationship above... I think it would be weird to have a the same father as their aunt's kids. Do you call them brother or cousin?!?

7. What do you say when you get invited to a work holiday party? It's usually you and a your significant other... not three or four significant others. Who goes? Who's going to be frosty for the next few days because you didn't pick them?

8. What kind of car do you have to have to tote 22 kids and three wives around?!? I mean, at that point, I guess a freakin' bus would be the order of the day.

9. What do you do if your wife has an affair? State the sanctity of marriage? Can she marry him as well, and then it can all be one happy-freakin' family?!?

10. Imagine all the "dad" jobs around a household with a single wife and a couple of kids... times how many more people? holy crap! You'd never have a single second to yourself again!
]]> Daily Disturbance Darksamurai http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/128055-polygamy_for_the_rest_of_us.html http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/127948-car_shopping.html Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:19:30 GMT ]]> With a new bambino on the way, the wife thinks it's time to get a new(er) car.
Ok, while it's still running, my '97 Dodge Stratus (141K) is looking pretty tired,
so I get to upgrade.

Taking a drive through the lots on Sunday night, we both commented on how the cars all seem to be uninspiring.

I'm kinda leaning towards the crossover genre... such as the Nissan Murano, but am a bit bummed out about the milage (and cost). Granted I drive 1.5 miles to work (one way... and yes, I really should bike it), but with gas going above $3.50 per gal (.4638 Pounds/Liter) I'm thinking we should get a more fuel efficient car.

I'd love to get a Mini Cooper, but the reply is: "You'd be dead in a crash... and you couldn't get junior into the back seat." The Clubman version is a 4 door, but she does kinda have a point about the crashworthyness.

So I'm looking for your thoughts... Trying to keep it under $20k.
]]> Daily Disturbance Im_gumby http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/127948-car_shopping.html http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/127919-thank_you_pcapex.html Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:43:38 GMT ]]> As of the early morning hours of April 21st, 2008, I am no longer in Iraq. Seems a little strange not to have to drive down the center lane of a multi-lane highway for fear of IEDs/EFPs, worry about wearing Level III body armor to go take the trash out to the dumpster, or jump into an Up-Armored Humvee to run down to the corner Stop-N-Rob for a gallon of milk, the list goes on...

Our plane from Kuwait touched down at about midnight Central Standard Time yesterday at an airfield about an hour away from my unit's home base of Fort Riley, KS... Within a few hours, I had turned in my weapon, gotten some quickie reinforcement briefings about kicking the dog and kissing the wife when I came home (not vice-versa), secured my rucksack, duffel bag, and gear, and boarded a bus to finally be reunited with my wife and daughter...

Our "Welcome Home Ceremony" was blessedly short, sweet, and to the point. "You boys've done real good, your loved ones are waiting, now get the hell out of my sight!" For anyone who knows what it is to get "Zonked" out of a formation, that's kind of what it was like...

Funny thing... When my Battalion Commander gave us the "Dismissed!", I didn't immediately run to my wife and daughter... I just sat there for a second, blinking... I turned to my friend who apparently was feeling the same thing and not knowing what to make of it, and we just locked in a bar hug and started bawling on each other's shoulders... I guess the unconscious relief of being able to finally "Switch Off" was just a bit much right then...

I stayed up as long as I could to try and get myself back into the right internal clock setting, and finally got to trade in my cot and sleeping bag for a pillow-top and down pillow/blankets... And yet, I still can't sleep all the way through the night... So I guess this post kinda doubles as a therapy session for me...

In between, I got to do some of the small things that you don't get to do from 1000+ miles away...
...help my daughter learn to use a knife and fork to cut up her own french toast, then take her to pre-school and have about 20 other children in her class come up and hug my legs to welcome me home...
...sit on the couch with the wife drinking REAL coffee from my oversized mug and just enjoy the silence and her company...
...watch her sleeping peacefully, after staying up for as long as she could after 36+ hours of worrying when my flight was coming in...
...read my daughter a bed-time story, sing "You Are My Sunshine" to her and with her (Mommy doesn't sing it right for some reason), and tuck her in for the night... then check on her about an hour later and see that she is sleeping soundly with her arms wrapped around her Teddy Bear, an angelic little smile on her face...

A couple of weeks ago, I told a couple of my buddies that it felt like we shouldn't be getting ready to leave Iraq yet... I know that time-wise, yes, we've been there for over a year, now it's someone else's turn to patrol the streets of our Area of Operations...despite all the highs and lows, the successes and failures during that 14+ months of our tour, it kind of feels like we shouldn't be going home, at least not yet...

Now it's over for me and my brethren, at least for the time being... We're not supposed to start training up in earnest again for at least another 3-6 months, starting over from scratch... Seemingly not a long enough reprieve for some, but a blessed vacation to me, keeping in mind that some of my brothers didn't get to come home... I still miss them every day... God grant them Eternal Peace... They've spent their time in Hell already...

I don't know whether or not I am making any sort of sense so far, so let me get to what I know WILL make sense to most if not all to deign to read this rambling, wandering diatribe...

"Thank you" is not enough for everyone here at PCApex who kept my boys and myself in their prayers. Thank you is not enough for those all over the country (and even the world) who gave of their own time and money to send some minor comforts to Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines, most of whom they may never meet or even hear from...

"Thank you" is not enough for all the friends and relatives and loved ones on the Homefront, who kept the home fires burning, the yellow ribbons wrapped around the old Oak tree out in the front yard, the home-made toffee/chocolate chip/peanut butter/macadamia nut/you-name-it cookies coming in on a weekly schedule, etc, so forth and so on...

"Thank You"... Two simple words, sometimes so seemingly insufficient... Yet, in their simplicity, their elegance and appropriateness, for there is no other phrase that I know of in the English language that can so plainly and succinctly express the depth of the speaker's own feelings of gratitude... other than "I LOVE YOU"...
]]> Daily Disturbance GrandpaNoob72 http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/127919-thank_you_pcapex.html http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/127741-dr_samurai.html Fri, 18 Apr 2008 12:43:13 GMT ]]> Well gang... since Dr. Phil has managed to put his foot in it (repeatedly); I figure its time for a new half-assed psychologist! One with no credentials past a behavioral sciences class! A guy with morals and attitudes for the rest of us! Welcome Dr. Samurai!

Oprah wouldn't return my calls and the New York Times refused to tout my new book, "Stop Whining and Fix it Yourself, Dumbass!", so I appreciate you having me here on PCApex. I took a cue from Eddie Murphy and decided that playing every person in this interview would help annoy the living crap out of everyone!

Here are some samples from my new show!

Patient W: Dr. Samurai, I live alone with 20 cats and I'm ugly to boot. What homespun advice can you offer to help me get a date?

Dr. Samurai: Girlllll you need yourself a make-over! Oh wait... this isn't Rikki. FINE! I'll help you with your stupid, little psychological problems...

Here's some advice: lose 50 pounds, get to a dentist, give 18 of your cats to friends, buy a new wardrobe and for the love of a compassionate god, have the carpets cleaned. If that fails, I recommend a "personal massager" you twisted freak. Next!

Patient X: Dr. Samurai, I'm a man addicted to sex. I've been with hundreds of women but I still haven't found "Ms. Right". What should I do?

Dr. Samurai: Obviously any woman that would get involved with a jerk-off like you should have her head examined (if YOU have had sex with this loser, please call the Dr. Samurai show at the number on your screen). Try to date women who hate you; after enough time of spanking the evil hot-dog of desire yourself, you'll settle for the next woman who looks at you!

Patient Y: Dr. Samurai, my step-daughter doesn't respect me. She's 18 and thinks she's all that. She hits me, steals my car, I caught her in bed with the guy I'M having an affair with. What can I do?

I'd recommend having her whacked and never use the term "all that" around me again. Next!

Patient Y: WHAT?!?

Dr. Samurai: Geez, you people always want to have your cake and eat it too. You want street cred and fear; you gotta be willing to exert power. Stop bitching and get your gat! What, I gotta help you pull the trigger too?

Patient Y: No! I don't want her dead; I just want to have a better relationship with her!

Dr. Samurai: Bloody hell... look, I already have her booked on my next episode, "Help! My step-mother is trying to kill me!? Help a guy out already!

Patient Z: Dr. Samurai, I think my wife is cheating on me. What should I do?

Dr. Samurai: Get a video camera and follow her. If she's having an affair, start a video library and get used to watching it alone. Hope you like really depressing porno movies...


All this great advice can be yours! Order any of these great Dr. Samurai products:

Dr. Samurai's books:

"Quit Whining and Fix it Yourself, Dumbass!"
"Kill your emotions, They Make You Weak!"
"Yes, Everyone IS Out to Get You!"
"Don't Pee on my Leg and Tell Me It's Erotic"
"Rich Dad, Drunk Dad"
"The Seven Habits of Highly Annoying Idiots"
"The Dummies Guide to Developing Psychosomatic Disorders"
"Physician, Heel Thyself... good physician, have a biscuit"


Dr. Samurai's other products:

Dr. Samurai's Home Exercise Kit (It only RESEMBLES a "BowFlex"... the name has been carefully removed).

Dr. Samurai's old Subaru that needs a new heater-core (call me. I need the space it's taking up!)

Dr. Samurai's Gimmicky Crap of the Week

Contribute to the Dr. Samurai for president campaign (cash only).

Remember, if you need a Dr. Samurai product, you probably messed up bad. REAL bad! Order today!
]]> Daily Disturbance Darksamurai http://www.forumapex.com/daily_disturbance/127741-dr_samurai.html