I can’t even think straight while writing this down because I know I should really go and get dressed up now.

All I can say is that these are troubling times for me. I am struggling not to break down and continue fighting every day. I try to remain optimistic even if it feels so impossible.

I need some sort of cathartic outlet. Hopefully, this blog will be updated once again. And to those who are sick of my law-school babble, I am truly sorry. It’s difficult to burst out of this bubble, and I fear that I will fail if I do.

I. SHOULD. REALLY. GO.

ADDENDUM: On a brighter note, I do have a reason to celebrate. Happy Anniversary to meeeee! :)

It feels like ALS ORSEM happened ages ago instead of a month. Law school makes you lose track of time as it traps you in some sort of bubble that you share with yourself, your blockmates and the law. The love-hate relationship assumes an unmatchable force and lately, I can’t help but feel so emotional. Which really just sucks.

There are surprisingly no questions asked wondering why I’m here. I’ve found a personal reason and it is deeply satisfying for now. I am slowly finding my place and adjusting. It’s been okay for the most part.

What ravages through mornings of non-stop studying is some kind of pressure. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this kind of pressure back in High School or College. It’s different now. Grad school makes you feel different. And the people around you makes it feel different.

I’m finding my balance on the way I have viewed the world before and the way studying the law makes me put things into a different perspective. It is refreshing and interesting to reconcile both and find personal clarity amidst all the readings and recits. Let’s just hope that the next few months will continue to be good to me.

• 6:00AM: My first alarm rings. My first alarm is usually a party song. Currently, it's Freeze by Chris Brown and T-Pain. I wake up. Fighting the urge to lie back down, I pray, get up and go to the bathroom. I turn my laptop on and read the emails I missed last night.
• 7:00AM: My second alarm rings at 7AM. It's usually a mellow, sunny song. Currently, it's Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles. It just somehow cheers me up. If I'm still sleepy sometime during these hours (practically everytime), I ask for coffee. Then, I just study non-stop. I do have occasional Twitter, Facebook, RSS feeds break. I'm very productive in the morning. Focus and concentration is usually in the zone. My brain actually works like a sponge until I get distracted by the internet.
• 10:30AM: I eat my breakfast/lunch (aka brunch). It's usually pretty heavy or most of the time fattening because I really mix breakfast food with lunch. Haha. Like fruit, all sorts of bread and ulam. Yeah. I won't be eating till after class, so I need brain food. Most of the time, I'll be craving for food by this hour.
• 10:50AM: I continue studying. I always finish just somewhere in between this time.
• 11:30AM: I take a bath, dress-up, fix myself and my things. Sometimes, I even recite all the articles/sections or provisions in the shower for recall. I really don't like hurrying up to do all these things. I usually enjoy taking my time, relaxing for a bit while watching CNN. I love World News. I leave for school as soon I finish.
• 12:45PM: I arrive in school and head to our room. Most of the time, everyone's just studying or discussing. I prefer going there for the discussions. It really feels like High School all over again. Only a million times harder.
• 1:00PM: Class time. It's either 1:00PM - 4:00PM or 2:00PM - 5:00PM. Really not bad at all. We're usually just battling so many readings and consecutive recitations. The tiny break in between classes (that's like 5 minutes), we quickly get our books and cases out and scan through them. It's quite a sight if you're not too preoccupied with knowing you still don't know the issues of the 3rd case. You can smell fear, anxiety and panic in the room. Riveting, I tell you.
• 5:30PM: Once I arrive home, I freshen up, meditate and prepare everything for the night ahead. I'm one of those people who starts studying immediately so as I can end early. I usually read my emails, feeds, Twitter/Facebook. Studying at night takes me a longer time because I'm usually quite tired already and indulge in my breaks more often. I start with the hardest readings or subjects. I prefer reading cases at night so as to have time to actually create case briefs after. It also allows me to be more relaxed and do more research. I fix my notes, type them all up and go crazy with my highlighters. I have a mental check-list and time-table, so that I can control and limit myself when ever I go awry.
• 10:30: I take a break and watch TV. It's more like a 30-minute break, wherein I watch Sex and The City and relax for a bit. After the show, I continue my reading. This is usually wherein I start reading at least 10% of the reading I intend to continue and finish the day after.
• 12:30: I SLEEP. I NEED TO SLEEP. I make sure that I get to sleep at least 3 hours. Fortunately, our readings have been manageable enough that I still get to sleep at least 6 hours. It's just the first week. I shall just wait for the all-nighters that will come later.

A day or two into it, I already am starting to see things differently. I pray for continued strength, vigilance and clarity, as the world is also trying to compete with rest of life’s complexities.

Till then, I can’t wait to share it with you all. If you want to know what’s been happening to me, follow me on Twitter.

• What kind of out-of-school lessons did you take as a kid?
  Fortunately, I really think I had a great childhood. For one, I wasn’t deprived of it. I was sort of spoiled back then, being the eldest. As a kid, I was really the prim and proper kind, without compromising my love for attention and performing. Go figure. I think one of those out-of-school lessons from my childhood that really remains would be to be grateful and humble for what you have and who you are.
• What valuable lesson did you learn this past week?
  Because I’ve been hanging out a lot with my best friends and my sisters during the week, I would say a deep sense of appreciation and content. They have shown me that they will always be there for me. Another lesson would be perhaps being honest with myself. I need to face my issues, problems and slowly deal with them.
• Who in your life really needs to be taught a lesson?
  I think everyone needs a sense of clarity every now and then. We go through our lives sometimes so blind – almost always looking for an escape. Whether we’re basking in joy or depression, it’s important to revel in the present and find a way to reconcile with whatever truth or reality we are in. If it’s wonderful, we need to be more appreciative. And if it proves to be otherwise, then we can’t live in denial. We need to make room for acceptance.
• What kinds of lessons would you love to have a private teacher for right now?
  I would really want to continue professional voice lessons or dabble into something creative like continue painting or digital illustrations. I always need something creative in me.
• What steps have you taken to lessen the impact of these rough economic times? I wish I could do more! Why do I have to enjoy shopping so much??? Saving electricity does count, right?