A mother’s day post from a mom we all wish we knew

As an author and a woman, there are just some women authors I wish I had gotten the chance to meet and have a cup of coffee with.   You know the type: the ones who make you think: wow…she would have been a great neighbor.

Erma Bombeck was one of those women for me. I used to find her columns fun, and funny, and incredibly insightful on life and all it’s odd messinesses.

She died early in my journey as a mom – my oldest was barely knee high. I’m not even sure I appreciated her humor and insight quite as I do now. Few authors have the timeless quality of her words, if we’re being honest.

One of her columns, penned when I was a in my early teen years, speaks to so many of us today – especially today when the world seems out of control and we so desperately want to hit pause, or even stop, on life’s remote control. So, I want to share it with you as we celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend. This column just takes a moment to remind us, mom to mom, what really matters.

If I Had My Life to Live Over by Erma Bombeck (1979)

Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything.

My answer was no, but then I thought about it and changed my mind.

If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I’d have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten popcorn in the “good” living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.

I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television … and more while watching real life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.

I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for a day.

I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn’t show soil/ guaranteed to last a lifetime.

When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more I love yous … more I’m sorrys … more I’m listenings … but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it … look at it and really see it … try it on … live it … exhaust it … and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.

Boston Strong, April 27, 2013

Boston Strong

A week ago at 2:50PM ET, the Boston Maraton finish line was hit by one of two bombs. Today, at 2:50pm ET, please join all of Boston and Massachusetts for a  moment of silence to honor the many victims and heroes of last week’s horrific events.

If you’d like to help the many people injured by the bombings, click here to go to the One Fund,

True backyard pools and whirlpool spas now have competition with these smaller, “temporary” pools as well as a variety of other backyard water toys: super soakers, sprinklers, and slip n’ slides. For many people, handing at home is more leisurely than packing everyone up and heading to the local town pool or beach.  In addition to lack of quality, as we discovered, these items are not inexpensive. And, carry some of the biggest risk to injury of all the summer activities. Injuries from these recreational toys and pools include the risk of drowning, which is always a concern with water activities, as well as minor cuts and bruises, broken bones and concussions.

According to the US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) reports, approximately 250 deaths occur each year in children under 5 in swimming pools and more then 2000 children are treated each year in emergency rooms for near-drowning accidents including entrapment injuries from suction drains in residential pools and spas.

But pools are not the only source of injuries in backyards. One of the most dangerous backyard water toys to adults and teenagers are the backyard waterslides such as WHAM-O’s slip ‘n slide. These slides are intended for children and the weight and height of teenagers and adults has produced serious injury to the neck and spinal cord. This highlights not only the danger of some of these seemingly innocent toys but the need to read the cautions on the boxes carefully and be sure all children follow the safety instructions.

Here are some safety suggestions to help keep your family safe while enjoying some much needed water fun this summer:

1. Direct adult supervision (someone 18 or older) is needed for everything involving water. We are our children’s first line of defense! Never assume because a child can swim that is a substitute for safety near water.
2. Swim lessons are one of the best ways to not only teach children basic water safety but help them avoid dangerous situations. The American Red Cross and American Academy of Pediatrics recommend formal classes for children 4 and older but classes for younger children with parents are available and recommended if the the child seems ready.
3. Even good swimmers can drown – never allow children to swim alone, even in small, “wadding” pools. A buddy system is a great line of defense for older children and teenagers.
4. If a child is missing, check the pool or spa first.
5. Safety equipment and a phone should be in arms reach for pools of any size and whirlpool spas.
6. Consider a pool alarm that sounds in the house to alert you if your pool or whirlpool is entered when no adult is outside.
7. All pools need a barrier – a fence for large pools and a tarp for small pools. For all above ground pools, remove the ladder when not in use to make access to the pool more difficult.
8. Make sure electric filters and pumps are turned off when children are swimming and near the pool or whirlpool to avoid electrocution.
9. CPR training truly saves lives. If you have a home pool of any kinds, makes sure someone in your house is CPR certified for adults and kids. Your local Red Cross can help you find a local training site.
10. Require everyone to wear a US Coast Guard Approved flotation devices for all boating activities, even accomplished swimmers. And, remember that wearing a floatation device doesn’t prevent drowning even in a backyard.
11. Sprinkles are great fun and a wonderful way to stay cool but do produce a very slick ground putting children at risk for slipping and injuring themselves. Make sure the ground around the sprinkler is as free as possible for obvious rocks and twigs and have all participants wear footwear.
12. Avoid backyard water slides. There is no safe way to slide into a wet ground or shallow pool. They always seem fun until someone breaks a leg.

More information on pool safety can be found on poolsafety.gov.

Here’s to many days of safe water fun for you and your family!

Think about it. How many times have you had the experience of heading out on a spring day only to return with a burn on the back of your neck…arms…legs? What about your kids? They ever return from a nice spring school day a bit toasted? This has happened with all of our families and is 100% avoidable with a bit of planning and having on hand everything we need to avoid the issues the sun can cause on our bodies.

The way to avoid issues on a sunny day is to think about the many ways exposure to the sun can interfere with our fun. At the same time, we have to recognize that the younger our kids are, the more vulnerable they are to all the issues sun exposure can cause.

The big issues we have to ward off when spending time in the sun are:

1. Sun burns

2. Heat illness: dehydration, heat exhaustion, heat stroke

3. Damage to our eyes

So, in a nut shell, we all need:

1. Sunblock SPF 15 and higher applied as often as possible for everyone in our family 6months and older.

2. Hats and Sunglasses for everyone.

3. Keeping infants younger than 6 months out of the direct sun (covering the stroller, hats).

4. Lots and lots and lots of water and fluids.

5. Avoiding the high heat index times if possible. So, when there’s a heat advisory, get inside.

When teaching your kids to apply sunblock, don’t forget to lube up every exposed part of their bodies including For older kids, sunscreen  feet, hands, noses, ears, back of the ears, lips. And, don’t forget to reapply sunscreen every 2 hours when playing sports or swimming. It’s also important to have your children rest and have some sun-free time complete with lots of fluids. Keep popsicles on hand as well as sports drinks and encourage your child to carry a water bottle filled with either ice water or a sports drink. Most schools and day camps will encourage this during the warm weather.

Sunburns are true burns of the skin and can be serious if large and blistered. The discomfort of simple sunburns can be relieved with cool baths, moisturizers with aloe, and hydrocortisone. Large blistering areas many require more elaborate medical management and you should consult your doctor if large areas of blistering occur.

Bodies can get overheated when exposed to very dangerous temperatures. Any sunburn with headache, chills, fever is a medical emergency and it’s important to call your doctor or take your child to the nearest emergency room. Other warning signs to seek help for include lethargy, not tearing, vomiting and not urinating. Also remember not to leave a child in a car on a summer’s day even for a few minutes – a car can quickly heat up like an oven to temperatures that can and do take lives each summer.

So, as you prepare for the sunny days ahead, stock up your home with these items for everyone in your family:

1. rehydration solutions and/or sports drinks
2. sunblock SPF 15 or higher
3. hats
4. sunglasses
5. stroller coverings or umbrella
6. fans for your house or an air conditioning unit if possible
7. portable water bottles

Here’s to many sun-safe days ahead.

MA families – it’s still school vacation week. Family time is the best way to help our kids regroup from tough events. Will post ideas soon.

— Dr. Gwenn (@DrGwenn) April 16, 2013

As promised, here’s some ideas of ways you can spend time with your kids this week. These are some of my family’s “go to” activities and have been since my girls were really small.

In Boston:

New England Aquarium 
Boston Children’s Museum
Museum of Fine arts 
Museum of Science
Boston Freedom Trail

In Massachusetts:

Old Sturbridge Village (Sturbridge, MA)
Plimoth Plantation (Plimoth, MA)
The Butterfly Place (westford, MA)
The Discovery Museum (Acton, MA)
Walden Pond  (Concord, MA)
Salem Maritime  (Salem, MA)
Minuteman National Park  (Lexington and Concord, MA)

1-2 hour drive from Massachusetts:

Roger Williams Zoo  (Providence, RI)
Mystic Seaport (Mystic, CT)

In addition to these fun places, you can also have some great family adventures at home. From movie afternoons to creating meals in the kitchen to arts and crafts there really is no end to what you can do together. You can also pull out some games without plugs. Your kids may look at you initially like you have 2 heads but once they get used to the lack of screens and plugs, I guarantee they will enjoy the experience!

So, keep the news off. Tuck away your smart phones so you can’t keep checking Twitter and Facebook and go off and enjoy the family time you had planned this week. We’ll get the updates soon enough and they will be much easier to digest with our emotions less raw and our kids kids feeling more secure about their worlds.

If you stumble upon some fun ways to spend time with your kids, feel free to let me know…but next week is fine. This week, just get off line and stay that way for the rest of the week. That’s what I’m planning on doing. I know my kids need it…and, if I’m being completely honest, so do I.

Today, just 17 miles from my home town, in Boston, Massachusetts, another mind boggling, unthinkable event occurred with a bombing at the Boston Marathon. As I type the words, I’m still in a daze it really occurred. But, it did, and making sense of it and helping our kids through it is a task we seem to find ourselves in more than we ever thought we would. As in the past, step 1 is always to take a deep breath. Step 2: realizing we’ll all be ok – somehow.

Today was like so many of the events of the past. I recall vividly one such event a few years back after my husband returned from a trip to London. Just by the expression on his face I knew to hit the off switch on the TV but missed the airing of the news of the event by seconds. Our ten year old daughter had already heard that there were explosions in London in the same area that my husband had just been to. “Was it as bad as 9/11? Do you think they’ll catch the bad guys this time?”

Today, though, it was my 18 year old daughter who had that look of horror on her face – that look that told me something very, very wrong had occurred. She was supposed to be at the mall shopping but instead she was home – racing in to talk to me. “Did you hear, Mama? Did you hear?” Her questions were begging for an answer to a question I felt I should already have an answer for but I was lost. “Here what, honey?” was all I could come up with hoping it wasn’t anything like what I feared.

Silence…for what seemed like forever.

“There was an explosion near the Lenox hotel – near the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Our friends are there. Everyone is there!”

I put my arm around her and we moved into the other room and flipped on the news. A few minutes earlier was when the bombs had gone

When I told my 15 year old daughter about the events she became very, very quiet. “Wow. Was it North Korea. Did they finally get their bomb to work? Are we under attack?”

I reassured both my daughters we were all fine – our friends were fine – where ever they were (I so hoped!) and that North Korea’s bombs couldn’t reach the US Shores. But, it was a long afternoon of shock and daze for all of us. They were old enough to understand what was occurring and I couldn’t any longer protect them from the reality of today’s world. That reality had no landed in our State – 17 miles from home.

It’s easy to want to panic when events like this occur – and we all have moments when we do. But, there are actually a few simple things we can do to reassure ourselves and our kids that we will get through this.

1. Remember that kids are not adults. This is sometimes easier said than done because of our own anxieties during the event but is so important regardless of the ages of our kids. One we remember that kids lack the life experience we have to tap into the type of anxieties we have about the world. Children of all ages really only need reassurance about the integrity of their own worlds, their own safety, and the safety of those they know and love. They still have that wonderful leap that everything will turn out fine – especially if we, their parents, tell them that it will.

2. Find out what they know and clarify what they don’t know. It’s tempting to dive into a detailed explanation but kids are easily satisfied with a simply summary of the situation. They only need the basics and reassurance that everyone they know that’s involved is fine.

3. Give explanations that are appropriate for the ages of your kids. Small children, preschoolers and kindergarteners, should be told little about tragic world events. The fantasy world of small children and their lack of understanding about space and time make it difficult for them to grasp what has occurred. For this age group, you may need to let them know that something scary happened far away from home but that everyone they know is safe. As children get older, what you tell them will of course become more detailed.

4. Keep media exposure to a minimum, especially graphic pictures and videos. The media exposure tends to sensationalize the event and drive anxiety higher in all of us. The healthiest way to process any of these events is with judicious use of the media with kids having the least amount.

5. Reassure kids about their own safety by showing them how much they already control their own safety. For all ages, point out how they already control their day to day safety that no one else can take away: looking both ways while crossing the street, wearing a bike helmet, not texting while driving.

6. Keep routines stable. One of the best ways to reassure kids their lives are fine after a tough event is for their day to day lives to remain stable. If their life is disrupted because a family member or friend was injured in the event, the sooner they get back to routine, the better.

7. If any child’s anxiety over the event interferes with school, sleep or causes physical symptoms such as headache, loss of appetite or abdominal pain, consult your pediatrician. Some kids find tough events just too overwhelming, just as we do sometimes. If one of your kids is having trouble coping with today’s event, call your pediatrician for advice.

As we get more information about what happened in Boston today, it will be easier for all of us to feel a bit more at easy. But, one thing we do know is we will persevere – as a community, State and Country. We always do.

As our home team boys embark upon their new season, many of our kids are embarking upon their new sports seasons, too. As the weather is warming and teams are organizing, this is the perfect time to remind our kids – and ourselves – of one very important and basic fact: regardless of the sport, or the level an athlete is playing at, at the beginning and end of that game, it is still…a game. Someone will win. Someone will lose.

What amazes me is that the pros and elite athletes seem to roll with the punches of the ups and downs of the games better than those in youth sports. For our young players, sometimes their ages, their youth, prevents them from always dealing well with the many ups and downs of the games. Thats where adults come in. Coaches and parents have to be the voices of reason and help young players get the basics and win and lose with dignity and grace. We need to help them look to their older role models in school and in the pros for leadership for how to do just that. And, we have to be leaders ourselves in composure and grace. Parents and coaches gone awry in sports doesn’t help our kids learn anything. Headlines like this one from years ago and this one from recently tell me we are not making headway in improving the situation on the sidelines. We must do better.

And, we must insist our coaches do better at all levels. The firing of Rutgers coach Mike Rice is a wake-up call that we have to have a zero tolerance for abuse at all levels of play for all sports and help our players understand how to talk about these issues and how to get help when needed.

So, as we begin a new sports season for all athletes, let’s put sportsmanship, good mentoring and above-reproach coaching on the top of our lists. Let’s Sports Parent Code of Conduct seriously and reinforce it throughout all our teams and leagues:

On September 23, 2000, more than thirty heads of Massachusetts’ chapters of national sports and medical associations, educational organizations, and professional associations met at Children’s Hospital in Boston to participate in a consensus meeting to develop a sport parent code of conduct for the state. The meeting was convened by the Massachusetts Governor’s Committee on Physical Fitness and Sports and the National Youth Sports Safety Foundation, Inc.

Preamble
The essential elements of character-building and ethics in sports are embodied in the concept of sportsmanship and six core principles: trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and good citizenship. The highest potential of sports is achieved when competition reflects these “six pillars of character.” 1

I therefore agree:

1. I will not force my child to participate in sports.
2. I will remember that children participate to have fun and that the game is for youth, not adults.
3. I will inform the coach of any physical disability or ailment that may affect the safety of my child or the safety of others.
4. I will learn the rules of the game and the policies of the league.
5. I (and my guests) will be a positive role model for my child and encourage sportsmanship by showing respect and courtesy, and by demonstrating positive support for all players, coaches, officials and spectators at every game, practice or other sporting event. 10
6. I (and my guests) will not engage in any kind of unsportsmanlike conduct with any official, coach, player, or parent such as booing and taunting; refusing to shake hands; or using profane language or gestures.
7. I will not encourage any behaviors or practices that would endanger the health and well being of the athletes.
8. I will teach my child to play by the rules and to resolve conflicts without resorting to hostility or violence.
9. I will demand that my child treat other players, coaches, officials and spectators with respect regardless of race, creed, color, sex or ability.
10. I will teach my child that doing one’s best is more important than winning, so that my child will never feel defeated by the outcome of a game or his/her performance.
11. I will praise my child for competing fairly and trying hard, and make my child feel like a winner every time.
12. I will never ridicule or yell at my child or other participant for making a mistake or losing a competition.
13. I will emphasize skill development and practices and how they benefit my child over winning. I will also deemphasize games and competition in the lower age groups.
14. I will promote the emotional and physical well-being of the athletes ahead of any personal desire I may have for my child to win.
15. I will respect the officials and their authority during games and will never question, discuss, or confront coaches at the game field, and will take time to speak with coaches at an agreed upon time and place.
16. I will demand a sports environment for my child that is free from drugs, tobacco, and alcohol and I will refrain from their use at all sports events.
17. I will refrain from coaching my child or other players during games and practices, unless I am one of the official coaches of the team.

I also agree that if I fail to abide by the aforementioned rules and guidelines, I will be subject to disciplinary action that could include, but is not limited to the following:

• Verbal warning by official, head coach, and/or head of league organization
  
• Written warning
  
• Parental game suspension with written documentation of incident kept on file by organizations involved
  
• Game forfeit through the official or coach
  
• Parental season suspension
  

Parent/Guardian Signature_____________________________________________________________

Finally, let’s not lose sight of the most important part of the game: helping our kids feel like champions. Win or lose, we can easily accomplish this by finding something our kids have done during each game they should be proud of (“wow, when did you learn to throw like that??!!”, “I had no idea you could hit a tennis ball like that!”) The more our kids feel like winners, the more they will act like winners, on and off the field. 

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush
~ Doug Larson

Spring seems to put a smile on most people. And with good reason. After a long, cold winter in most areas of the country, the warm temperatures, green grass and blooming trees and flowers are invitations to get outside and air out. Its hard to not have a bounce in your step after being stuck inside without sun for so long.

Yet…enjoying the Spring does pose a challenge, doesn’t it? For many, the season brings with it unwelcome environmental elements that can trigger seasonal allergies and asthma. For others, being outside also means being active outside which, while great for health and well being, also increases injuries.

So, its a true double edged sword.

As with all seasonal issues, though, the best offense for maximizing enjoyment and minimizing hassle and issues is preparation and common sense. Here’s a list of the common situations people find themselves in during the Spring to help you stay ahead of the Spring sticky situations.

This is by now means an all inclusive list – just the highlight to get you acclimated to a new season with some new issues. I’ll add more links as the Spring takes root so check back often:

Hayfever (Seasonal Allergies)

Sprains and Strains

Poison Ivy, Oak, Sumac

Animal Bites

Lawn Mower Safety