Children and Screens Ask the Experts: Blood, Sweat and Fears

Children and Screens Ask the Experts: Ten tips for Parents of Teens and Tweens During the Pandemic

Dance to Your Own Beat

To Screen or Not to Screen in the Pandemic

Most days, everything goes smoothly. But, once in a while, we hit a digital snag. Perhaps one of these scenarios sounds familiar or has even happened to you:
1. Someone sends you a text, email or Facebook message that riles you up so feverishly reply back and hit send before you give yourself a chance to let your emotions settle. As they do, you wonder: “Perhaps that message was too much. Should I have waited to send it or not sent it at all?”
2. You sent an email or text intended for one person to another person by mistake…or to a group of people?

These situations can occur so easily, especially in our current lives and our kids’ lives, as our world of communication has become 24/7, portable and mobile. No longer are we talking about just mobile technology but wearable technology. So, it’s easy to see how innocent mistakes can occur, especially when we are rushed or feeling riled up by a message. Just as we feel the uneasiness communicating with our colleagues and friends entirely online, our kids do, too. Unlike us, though, our kids are still learning the rules of the online world. To help them understand how to slow down with their online communication and avoid some of the traps we had to learn as digital world was evolving before our eyes, talk to them about your experiences. Kids do great knowing you get it and don’t love this new socially online world we are in.

In addition, here’s a tool you can teach them that will help them slow down a bit when they are writing an email, text or post so they can avoid falling into the trap of sending a message they may not have wanted to send. The goal for them is to get the message RITE:

R: Reread every message to be sure it sounds OK and is what you really want to send.
I: Imagine if you were the one receiving the message…would you be upset or hurt by what it says?
T: Think about whether it needs to be sent now or can it wait a bit. Sometimes waiting and re-reading the message later can avoid a big mess later on. (You may even find that you’d rather not send the message afterall!)
E: hit the Enter button only after you are satisfied that R-I-T are to your satisfaction.

Social distancing and masks will start to become less important in our lives at some point in the future but digital communication will still be how we all communicate. So, let’s help our kids get it right today and write it RITE.

Here are some suggestions to talk to your kids about as they start to use more screens and social media for helping them be the best communicators, online and offline. These are great tips for adults, too!

1. Treat people as you’d have them treat you.
2. Don’t write anything online you would feel uncomfortable saying to a person or over the phone.
3. Shooting from the hip never produces good results. Count to 10 and then think before you write or speak.
4. Calling people names, even if you intend it as a joke, can feel hurtful to the other person and sometimes can be seen as bullying.
5. Gossiping is a form of slander. For kids, this means that it’s not a good thing to do and can get them into a lot of trouble. For adults, people have to realize that gossip can have a significant kickback that goes beyond public embarrassment. You never know who is around, so be careful who you talk about and the setting you are talking in. Being a good role model helps kids learn to avoid this trap.
6. Don’t use code online. Instead, try to use real words and full sentences. Code can be difficult to interpret and sometimes has meanings beyond what you intend.
7. Never give out personal information online or off.
8. Don’t email or post inappropriate pictures of videos. Not only can these images be embarrassing but can break laws in many states.
9. If someone asks you to keep a secret from your parents, let your parents know.
10. If you are ever in a dangerous or destructive, or unsafe situation online or off, find a grown-up right away.
11. Adults are not the enemy – they have judgement you don’t yet have. Don’t be mad if a grown-up in your life tries to get you to talk about something you are doing online or off. They grownups job is to keep you safe, which is also one of the best ways the grown-up can show you he or she cares

COVID may be a mystery to us and overwhelming with all the changes it has done to our lives. But talking and socializing…we can can teach our kids about that part of life by just being with them every day at our own dinner table.

(Modified from Chapter 7 of CyberSafe, Screen Time and Childhood)