Penguin Postings

Day Twenty-Five

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Day Twenty-Four

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 20:18:00 +0000

Jazz: It's been mighty quiet around here since Leonard and KitH left.

Officer Walken: Almost peaceful.

Silver Surfer: Good for you. Many beings have wished for peaceful ends.

Silver Surfer: I can rarely provide them.

Silver Surfer: Now for the others.

*Fump!*

Knuckles: What the!

Starscream: This was not my command!

Silver Surfer: I am not commanded by the likes of you.

*Fump!*

MacReady: How in the hell did I get here!?

Silver Surfer: All the players in this drama have been assembled. Now, it ends.

Kid in the Helmet: Hey, Mr. Shiny Guy, this fish matches you. I think you should have it.

Silver Surfer: No. Get that away from me.

Silver Surfer: I mean it! Get that away from me NOW!!

Kid in the Helmet: But you belong together. Can't you see?

Silver Surfer: GET THAT DAMNED THING AWAY FROM ME NOW!!!!

Kid in the Helmet: Whoa! Fire!?

Silver Surfer: From hell's heart I stab at thee . . . .

Kid in the Helmet: Ouch!

Officer Walken: KitH, are you okay!?

Kid in the Helmet: Yeah, it's just that this fish is on fire. It's kinda hot.

Leonard: It's over.

Thundercracker: So, we just lost. Right, Skywarp?

*B-zap!*

Thundercraker: Skywarp?

Starscream: It's time to go, idiot.

Knuckles: Yeah, come on, idiot. We gots to cheese it!

Chuckles: Bye, boss 'bot!

Bumblebee: So what are we going to do with you, Megatron?

Shockwave: You see that everyone else is getting away, right?

Starscream: *whistles casually*

Bumblebee: As soon as we get transport home, we're bringing you in to Cybertronian High Command.

Shockwave: The guy with one eye is the only one seeing the others sneak off. Seriously!

MacReady: Hey, 'Bee! Maybe the Calendar can help you out with your transportation problem.

Santa: Hey, everybody. Sorry about the mess. I was kind of busy this month. You know, not wanting to help.

Santa: You boys have been quite naughty this year. I know what to do with you.

Shockwave: We weren't the only ones.

Santa: Stuff it, or I WILL go krampus on your ass!

Santa: Okay, boys. I'll take these two off your hands. Sorry I made your lives miserable this month due to my unwillingness to intervene.

Bumblebee: That's okay! No wait!

*Poopf!*

Bumblebee: Wow, Santa's kind of a jerk.

Bumblebee: I guess it really is over. What are you going to do now, Leonard?

Leonard: Something I've been putting off for a long time.

Leonard: Merry Chistmas, buddy.

Day Twenty-Three

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 04:00:00 +0000

MacReady: What are you two doing here?

Kid in the Helmet: Getting you a proper trailer.

Leonard: Also, getting away from those useless 'bots.

MacReady: Well, I surely appreciate it.

Kid in the Helmet: I brought you your fish!

MacReady: Great.

MacReady: Looks like we're loaded up. Thanks again. You two get back to the Calendar where it's safe, hear?

Leonard: You know, KitH, I'd really rather wait here in the middle of nowhere facing certain, slow death than return to those idiot robots.

Kid in the Helmet: He forgot his fish!

Leonard: That's nice.

At the Calendar . . . .

*POKE! Tear, tear, tear.*

Rover: Hrrrn?

Officer Walken: Would you look at this! The presents are opening themselves now.

Rover: Rrrrruff!

Bumblebee: He's cute, but what is he trying to say?

Officer Walken: He's just a dog. He doesn't know what he's-- Hey! Where's he going?

Bumblebee: It's almost like he wants us to follow him.

Officer Walken: Yeah . . . almost.

Officer Walken: It's almost like he doesn't think it's safe here.

Bumblebee: Silly quadrupeds.

Near the Edge of Town . . . .

MacReady: Whoa! I didn't see you there.

Silver Surfer: I didn't wish it.

MacReady: Normally a shiny, naked dude on a surf board in the middle of a field is the sort of thing that would throw me off. This month has been a little different. So I'll just ask you to move over so I can get to town and stop the end of the world using a bank safe, an axe, and my last tube of Chap Stick®.

Silver Surfer: Too late.

Day Twenty-Two

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 04:00:00 +0000

Jazz: Looks like we'd better start doing something. The humans are showing us up this year.

Bumblebee: When this is over and we're back to our normal selves, remind me to crush a ladder.

Bumblebee: Where did MacReady go off to?

Leonard: He's actually trying to do something to save our asses unlike some robots and police officers I know.

Kid in the Helmet: Another snowmobile! We could use this to help Mr. MacReady.

Leonard: Are you sure he needs our help, son?

Middle of Nowhere . . . .

MacReady: *sigh*

The Blue House . . . .

Starscream: Everything seems to be in order. You slaves have truly outdone yourselves. You may live . . . for now.

Pamela: There is just one more thing necessary for the completion of the dimensional gate.

Starscream: Yes?

Pamela: "The life of a warrior king." It seems your plan has failed. You lose, robot scum!

Starscream: I can admit when I'm defeated. Since you were the one to point out my error you are the victor. By our laws, you now lead the Decepticons, which means . . . .

*SSSSlice!*

David: uhh!

Starscream: Now! Show me my weapon.!!

Silver Surfer: All that you know has come to an end.

Day Twenty-One

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 04:39:00 +0000

Pamela: We're,like, way behind. There's no way we're gonna be done on time.

Skywarp: You will be destroyed!

Pamela: Right, because killing your workforce is going to get the job done.

Skywarp: I--I'll just . . . You wait here!

*B-zap!*

At the Calendar . . . .

Jazz: You know 'Bee, I've been thinking. Maybe Prime was right. The month's almost done and we haven't made any progress.

Bumblebee: No Jazz. Prime made a mistake. Rushing in to confront the Decepticons got a lot of 'Bots killed. We need to figure this out before we make our move.

Leonard: It's easy for them to be philosophers about all this. Their town hasn't been enslaved. They're telling me I have to just WAIT! I think I'd go crazy if I didn't have this calendar to keep up with.

Officer Walken: Thanks for getting today's gift. Any ideas?

Leonard: One or two

Officer Walken: I meant about the present!

Leonard: Oh! No.

Kid in the Helmet: A ski trailer! What do we need that for? We don't even have a snowmobile.

Officer Walken: MacReady does. Looks like our gung-ho friend left a little early and made a lot more work for himself.

Bumblebee: But he had to go. The Solstice is today.

Leonard: It's tomorrow actually. Read a frickin' almanac!

Kid in the Helmet: That means MacReady's in town, facing down the bad guys on his own. We've got to go help him!

In Town . . . .

Knuckles: . . . Then they made me their king.

Starscream: Ha ha ha!

*B-zap!*

Skywarp: Lord Stascream, I throw myself at your mercy. The portal will not be ready until tomorrow.

Starscream: Wonderful, just in time for the Solstice; and yes, my good mood did just save your chassis. The Solstice is tomorrow!

Shockwave: Am I the only one who reads an almanac!?!

Middle of Nowhere . . . .

MacReady: *gasp* I give up! This safe is too damn heavy.

Day Twenty

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 17:00:00 +0000

Starscream: I have to say, I'm impressed. I imagined you would be much more dumb-founded by this turn.

Megatron: I've known you would someday make a serious attempt to depose me, Starscream. I only wonder why you've chosen to do it now.

Starscream: The Solstice is a powerful thing. Skywarp, have the fleshlings begin preparations for tomorrow night.

Skywarp: On it!

*B-Zap!*

At the Calendar . . . .

Bumblebee: You really think this is going to work?

MacReady: It's got to.

MacReady: Let's just pray the Calendar is still on our side.

Leonard: A snowmobile? You're going to drag this safe all the way there?

MacReady: I'll do what I have to do.

MacReady: If this goes well, I'll see you all soon. Take care of yourselves.

*VROOOOOM*

Bumblebee: That man was our last hope.

Leonard: No. There is another . . . .

Day Nineteen

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:00:00 +0000

Starscream: Give up now, Megaclod!

Megatron: Not likely. You may be difficult to kill, but my troops still out number you.

Starscream: Ha ha ha!! Seekers, to me!

Megatron: I assure you. We have taken care of your misguided--

Chuckles: Hey, rust bucket! I'm back!

Thundercracker: Hey, "boss" looks like that cell you stuffed me in wasn't as secure as you thought.

*B-ZAP!*

Skywarp: Turns out it's not me proof. Ha ha!

Megatron: You win . . . for now.

At the Calendar . . . .

Leonard: You be careful up there. I'm not cleaning your brains off the floor.

MacReady: You're all heart, Leo.

MacReady: We've got to come up with something. We've been on the ropes too long.

MacReady: Let's see what there is to see.

Leonard: A safe with gold bars? Great! We'll be dead and rich.

Kid in the Helmet: What are we going to do with that!

Bumblebee: We're going to bait a trap, KitH.

Day Eighteen

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 04:21:00 +0000

Sentinel Prime: I'm going to need some help out here!

Megatron: Starscream, how did you--

Starscream: Can it, Megaboob! My time has come.

Kid in the Helmet: I thought Mr. MacReady was handling the Calendar now.

Leonard: I can't keep this crap straight anymore. MacReady's off getting ready for his . . . whatever.

Knuckles: Aw, yeah! Let's do this!!

Chuckles: The big guy ready?

Knuckles: Ready or not . . .

Chuckles: Here we come!

Knuckles: This crowbar's like a frickin' Swiss army knife. So many uses.

Chuckles: YEE-HAW!!

MacReady: Ah! My head feels like it's full of . . . pain.

Leonard: You'll live.

Kid in the Helmet: Looks like we're out of options.

MacReady: Not yet, KitH. Not yet.

Day Seventeen

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 17:00:00 +0000

Leonard: So, how's all the analysis coming? Do we know what we're dealing with?

Bumblebee: It's not that simple. All we know for sure is that we were never dealing with Santa. Scrap! There might not even be a Santa!

Leonard: Like fun there's no Santa!

Officer Walken: Sir, we have to be open to all possibilities at this time.

Leonard: Don't you "sir" me, flatfoot!

Officer Walken: You are welcome to use the equipment and come up with your own analysis, Leonard. Oh, that's right, you don't have a clue how to use it. So just let me do my job and you go do-- Wait! What is it you do do?*

Leonard: I find places to shove carrots.

Kid in the Helmet: We'd better hurry. Mr. Leonard can't distract them too much longer.

MacReady: I wouldn't bet on that.

MacReady: Great! The car's done. I'll head out at first light.

Kid in the Helmet: That's not much of a windshield.

MacReady: I'll swipe a mug of coffee before I go.

Chuckles: Nice wheels! Nice of them to put 'em together for me.

The Blue House . . . .

Megatron: How did the surgery go, Shockwave?

Shockwave: Very well, considering.

Megatron: Considering?

Shockwave: I am a cyclops, my lord.

Outside . . . .

Starscream: Hey, Megadolt! I'm baaaaaack.

Sentinel Prime: THIS is why I wanted time off for recuperation.

*Young Frankenstein, FTW!

Day Sixteen

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 04:59:00 +0000

Chuckles: You really think I'm going to talk to you, copper?

Officer Walken: My name is Walken. You're thinking of my partner. His name was pronounced Cooper, by the way. Show some respect.

Chuckles: . . . . . . . . Seriously!?

Kid in the Helmet: Mr MacReady, I don't think this is a good plan. It seems awfully sneaky.

MacReady: It is sneaky. We don't want anyone to know what we're doing.

Leonard: Looks like we got some more parts. Is this working with your plan MacReady?

MacReady: If I have to drive as far as I think I do, I'm going to need a roof or at least a windshield.

Leonard: How long are we going to have to keep this up? The others will eventually notice we're the only ones maintaining the Calendar.

Mac Ready: I have a plan for that too. I'll need your help though.

Back at the Newly Restored, ah . . . Blue House (I never named this location. . . oops) . . . .

Megatron: The slaves have done quite well. Have their rations decreased! We're obviously feeding them too well.

Soundwave: As you command, Lord Megatron.

Downstairs . . . .

Sentinel Prime: Is this going to hurt a lot?

Shockwave: Of course. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Sentinel Prime: Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Shockwave: Why are you laughing?

Day Fifteen

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 04:59:00 +0000

Megatron: My loyal Decepticons, how go our preparations?

Soundwave: The fleshling slaves have completed repairs on the house. The seeker remnant have been incarcerated. The Autobots have been all but eliminated. All goes according to your plan.

Megatron: Excellent. Are there any requests?

Shockwave: I would like to take the time to reattach or newest member's . . . member.

Sentinel Prime: Wait! What?

At the Advent Calendar . . . .

Officer Walken: Hmmm . . . .

Bumblebee: What did you find?

Officer Walken: The tissue sample you brought in from the site of the shooting found that your "Santa Claus" was not, in fact, human.

Kid in the Helmet: You're saying that wasn't really Santa? You mean there's still going to be Christmas.

Chuckles: He means that we're all in for a worse time than we've gotten already.

MacReady: *grumbles*

MacReady: It looks like the big boys are more concerned about what might be coming that what's already here. Somebody's got to keep up with the Calendar while the brain trust argue.

Leonard: It seems like we can't stay focused. No wonder that Megatron is winning.

MacReady: That, and the fact that he keeps killing us.

Leonard: Yes, that too.

Kid in the Helmet: What is it?

MacReady: A way to win this thing! . . . . maybe.

Day Fourteen

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 04:38:00 +0000

Kid in the Helmet: They killed Santa!!!

Bumblebee: Yeah, the Decepticons have really upped their game. Usually they're all talk, but they've taken out all but two of us.

Jazz: What are we supposed to do now? Santa was our man with the plan.

MacReady: I think you're all overreacting. Don't you remember? Santa was trying to derail you plans. He's the one that wanted to take out Megatron. He wanted you to abandon the idea of the jail.

Jazz: The dude's right! Santa's been telling us one thing while the Calendar's telling us another. Speaking of . . . .

Leonard: I know I'm too old for this sh--

Bumblebee: Yeah, yeah. Let's see what the Calendar wants us to do next.

Leonard: Oh, wow. It's clear as day now! The Calendar obviously wants us to . . . Screw it! I don't have the energy to be sarcastic.

Bumblebee: You're not helping.

Leonard: Good. I don't want to.

Officer Walken: You do know that that is a molecular analyzer, don't you? A tissue sample from this "Santa" you were blindly following may tell you what I already suspect. Your deceased "leader" may not have been who or what he claimed.

Leonard: I was getting there, turbo.

Bumblebee: Looks like we're going on a tissue run. Anybody need anything while we're out?

Leonard: What's this "we're" I've been hearing so much about?

Meanwhile . . . .

Starscream: As I suspected, Megatron's fusion cannon accelerated my Camo/Med suit's healing factor. Now I don't have to wear that ridiculous disguise anymore.

Starscream: I always knew provoking Megatron would work out well for me. HA! HA! HA! HA!!!

Day Thirteen

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 04:11:00 +0000

Megatron: So, we finally meet face to face. Good. I have many things to do with my new world.

Santa: Enough! We're taking you out. Tonight.

Megatron: You're delusional. Decepticons, take them out!

Thundercracker: I don't think so.

Skywarp: Ditto!

Santa: You have no idea who I am. Do you?

Megatron: You're absolutely correct. I don't.

Megatron: I also don't care.

Kid in the Helmet: Santa?

Shockwave: Your situational analysis seems to have failed you. Disarm yourself now!

Sentinel Prime: Give it up, Skywarp!

Skywarp: I don't think so.

Sentinel Prime: Oh, . . . that.

At the Calendar . . . .

Chuckles: So, you need some help? I'd be willing. I could stretch my legs a bit. It'd be nice.

Jazz: Not going to happen, man. Just chill. My boys are taking care of Megatron. They've got Santa with them. He's like king here, or something.

Jazz: I'll just get today's present and see what there is to see.

Jazz: These tall ones are going to be the death of me.

Officer Walken: This place is a disgrace. Weapon unsecured. Dirty mugs laying about. Looks like my partner was here. Is that a fishing pole over there?

Jazz: Your partner?

Officer Walken: Cooper. Most people think of him as Cooper the copper. He hated that.

Jazz: Umm . . . .

Day Twelve

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 22:45:00 +0000

Kid in the Helmet: What do you mean WE'RE naughty?

Santa: What does it sound like, kid? You were supposed to open the presents, not arrest them. Now come with me. I've got a job for you.

Chuckles: You hear that? I'm a present. It's nice to know someone cares.

Bumblebee: This isn't sounding right. I want to see what the Calendar has to say.

Santa: You're questioning me!? I'm freakin' Santa Claus!!

Bumblebee: I'm not going anywhere until this gift is put together. You can help, or you can stay out of the way. Your choice.

Bumblebee: And with that, we have our answer.

Santa: You're going to listen to a freakin' BOX!!! Megatron is a real threat. You're going to let him run wild and keep this small-time thug under guard?

MacReady: We've got the jail now. One of us can keep watch while thr rest of us take down this Mega-whatsis.

Santa: Well, at least one of you is making sense.

Jazz: You cats go on. I'll keep this dude under wraps.

Santa: We'll be back for you later. Maintain radio silence.

Jazz: Roger that, man. Good luck!

Santa: Remember. We'll be back for you later.

Meanwhile . . . .

Thundercracker: *sigh*

*B-zap!*

Skywarp: Ta-dah!

Thundercracker: Knock it off! I'm sick of covering for you. What'd you hear?

Skywarp: Boss says we're on in two mega-cycles.

Day Eleven

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 04:38:00 +0000

Bumblebee: Stay calm.

Leonard: You don't want to do this.

Chuckles: No I don't. What I want is to do is dent that rust bucket, Megatron's head in, and you're going to help me do it.

Kid in the Helmet: So why are you pointing a gun at us? We don't like Megatron either.

Chuckles: It's how I do things, kid. Get used to it. We'll be doing things my way a lot.

Bumblebee: Obviously, we're on the same side. We can talk a bout this like reasonable beings.

Chuckles: NO! We ain't gonna talk we're gonna DO. So all of you--

*CLANG!*

MacReady: Once again, Uncle MacReady and his trusty axe come to save the day.

Kid in the Helmet: Did you just . . . .

Jazz: Not cool, man.

MacReady: No, no, no. I used the side of the blade. The BLUNT part. He'll have a killer headache when he comes to but otherwise he'll be just fine.

Kid in the Helmet: Alien robots, a dangerous criminal, an old guy carrying a carrot, and a survivalist all strategizing how to open a present while I freeze parts of myself I haven't learned to use yet. Ah, Christmas . . . .

Bumblebee: Okay, looks like we're back on track. Let's get building!

MacReady: It's one of those doors to another world like in those Stephen King Books!

Leonard: Son, you have really slipped your nut! It's a door to the jail.

MacReady: You're lucky we've got a job to do, old man. Come Boxing Day you're mine!

Bumblebee: Cool it, both of you! The Advent Calendar is obviously ready to help us again. Once we finish the jail, we can incarcerate our "friend" over there and see about dealing with the Decepticons.

Kid in the Helmet: Uh, Bumblebee. I think he's got something to say.

Santa: Oh, I do, KitH. You see, I was just checking my list.

Santa: And you have all been very, very naughty.

Day Ten

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 04:28:00 +0000

Megatron: Your Autobot defenders are destroyed! You fleshlings will now obey me, Megatron, and my Decepticons.

Megatron: With the help of one of my soldiers, we were able to teleport out before the house exploded.

Anne: Which one of your mechanical maniacs did that?

Thundercraker: You shut the frag up! That's who.

Chuckles: hmmm . . . .

At the Calendar . . . .

MacReady: Mmmm! Good coffee.

Bumblebee: Um, thanks. If you don't mind my asking, what's the axe for MacReady?

MacReady: I do mind. What's with Mr. Green Jeans and the carrot?

Leonard: It's for a snowman I'm building,

MacReady: Where the frig's a snowman!?

Bumblebee: Before this escalates, may I ask you for a favor MacReady?

MacReady: Suddenly my axe is coming in handy.

Bumblebee: I wasn't saying anything--

Leonard: I was!

MacReady: So you're supposed to save the world with this . . . junk?

Leonard: And just what would you do with this!?

MacReady: Let Uncle MacReady at that.

Bumblebee: You've got to admit, this is a lot more comfortable.

Leonard: I guess, but now that I can feel my toes my stomach's growling.

MacReady: Not much longer, grumpy-pants.

Bumblebee: He is good.

Outside of Town . . . .

Kid in the Helmet: I can't believe they're all gone.

Jazz: I know how you fee, little man. Let's just get back to the Calendar and see if we can help.

Kid in the Helmet: Jazz! It's the train that crook stole!

Jazz: Stay cool.

Chuckles: Hey, squares!

Chuckles: Looks like you're gonna help me get a bit of revenge on some freakin' robots.

Day Nine

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 04:36:00 +0000

Skywarp: I have to be quick. I was able to teleport here during the explosion, but they will be missing soon.

?????: Is Prime dead?

Meanwhile . . . .

Kid in the Helmet: Is Mr. Optimus dead?

Jazz: I don't know, little man. We're just gonna have to keep the faith, . . . and keep digging.

The Advent Calendar . . . .

Leonard: Your friend aught to be back by now. What could be keeping him? Not GOOD news, I'd expect.

Bumblebee: Jazz has his job. We have our job. After that all we have is faith.

Leonard: This one's at ground level. That's a mercy.

MacReady: I see some sour faces. What can old Uncle MacReady do to turn those frowns upside-down?

Back Where We Started . . . .

Skywarp: Prime is gone. That's what this was all about.

Santa: Excellent. It's time to move to stage two.

Day Eight

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 04:07:00 +0000

Prowl: We've got the building surrounded.

Optimus Prime: Very good.

Prowl: Prime, I'd like permission to lead the assault. They killed Cooper, sir. I need to give a little back.

Optimus Prime: I'm sorry, Prowl. I can't have you leading if you are looking for revenge. I will take the lead.

At the Calendar . . . .

Bumblebee: I appreciate you coming out to help.

Leonard: Humph!

Leonard: That leader of yours thinks he knows better than we do how to run our lives. Look at the mess we're in now.

Bumblebee: Listen! He's not perfect. No one is. Right now my friend is trying to stop another friend from making a big mistake. Now are your going to help me or not?

Bumblebee: Thank you.

Leonard: You think a table and some mugs are going to help get us out of this dung pile?

Bumblebee: I have no idea, . . . but I have to try.

Leonard: I'll drink to that.

Bumblebee: Here's hoping Jazz can make it in time.

Outside the Blue House . . . .

Optimus Prime: Megatron! This building is surrounded. Send the human out UNHARMED, or we're coming in.

Kid in the Helmet: Stop, Mr. Optimus!

Jazz: Prime, no!

Optimus Prime: Let's go, Autobots!

*click*

Day Seven

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 16:42:00 +0000

Megatron: Well, my Decepticons, it looks like our time in hiding has come to an end.

Megatron: If I know Optimus, he is making plans to evacuate the humans. That gives us time ready our defenses.

Back in the Square . . . .

Optimus Prime: The Decepticons are behind the evils this world has suffered. The Calendar must have brought us here to defeat them.

Optimus Prime: There is no time to wait. We strike immediately. Let's roll out!

Jazz: Decticons!

Later . . . .

Bumblebee: It took you long enough!

Jazz: Prime says the Depticons are here. He's leading an assault on them right now.

Bumblebee: Should we go or open today's present?

Jazz: You're telling me the box is down here? Why did I drag that slaggin' ladder all the from town?

Bumblebee: Still no more jail cell. You think it's a weapon to take out the Decepticreeps?

Jazz: No, I don't think it's a weapon.

Bumblebee: Check out the skateboard! We should set up a halfpipe!

Jazz: We don't have time. We've got to stop Prime, and that helmet just gave me an idea how.

Day Six

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 07:53:00 +0000

Prowl: You're sure this is the place?

Officer Cooper: Absolutely. We've canvased the town. This is the only building whose occupants are unaccounted for.

Prowl: Alright. You cover me. I'll go in.

Officer Cooper: No! This is my collar. Besides, didn't Optimus want more human involvement?

Minutes Later . . . .

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

Sentinel Prime: Ah. One of your fellow human beings, fleshling. I would not entertain notions of warning him or her were I the one in your situation.

Chuckles: No worries. The guys looking for me I don't want finding me anyway.

Sentinel Prime: Nevertheless, you have been warned.

Officer Cooper: Mr. Charles "Chuckles" McGillicuddy, you are wanted for questioning in the December first assault of visiting dignitary, Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. Come out with your hands up.

Sentinel Prime: I have met this Optimus of which you speak. Give him this message, fleshling!

Prowl: SENTINEL, YOU PIECE OF SLAG!!

Sentinel Prime: I . . . still . . . func . . . tion . . . .

Chuckles: Well, that's too bad for you. This guy's outta here!

Prowl: Cooper! Cooper, listen to me. We're going to end this. Do you hear me? Cooper?

Meanwhile . . . .

Bumblebee: Prime sent me to lend you a servo.

Jazz: Hey, little buddy, ditch that piece and help me grab today's gift.

Bumblebee: Almost . . . there . . . .

Jazz: Tomorrow . . . I'm going back . . . for the ladder . . . .

Bumblebee: After all that, now we've got to put it together?

Jazz: At least it's not more of the jail cell. I hope.

Bumblebee: Am I that out of shape, or is running the Advent Calendar harder than it looks?

Jazz: A little of both is my guess. Any word on Cooper catching that crook?

Bumblebee: I was going to head back to town to here Prowl's report, but now I think I'll recharge a bit first.

Optimus Prime: Leonard, the other people in town look to you as their leader. I brought you out here to make a confession. I have no idea what I'm doing with this Calendar.

Leonard: Well, I can't say as I'm shocked to hear that. You have the whole town in a tizzy. Once Office Cooper gets back with that hoodlum, I think it's best you and yours leave.

Optimus Prime: That is what I'm trying to tell you . . . .

Optimus Prime: Officer Cooper is dead.

Day Five

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 17:49:00 +0000

Sentinel Prime: Come now, fleshling. Betraying your race is no reason to be so melancholy. You have simply indentured yourself to the victorious side.

Sentinel Prime: I, for example, used to be leader of the Autobots until I realigned my priorities.

Chuckles: Yea, but I bet you had a choice.

Upstairs . . . .

Megatron: Thanks to our . . . guest, we now have everything we need to take control of the Advent Calendar. Finally, its power will be mine!

Soundwave: The remaining seekers have been deployed. Intelligence should be streaming shortly, Lord Megatron.

Shockwave: Lord Megatron, can the seekers be trusted.

Megatron: I have eliminated a certain . . . malfunction from their ranks. All shall be well.

Meanwhile . . . .

Jazz: Optimus was right. This IS harder to do with just one bot.

Jazz: Two building projects in a row. Well, I better get to work it I want to be done before the others get back.

Jazz: Prowl and Cooper may be right, but I just can't believe that the Calendar would want to bring conflict to this world.

Jazz: Insert tab B into slot A . . . Well, at least I have my ~~foreshadowing~~ thoughts to keep me company.

Jazz: Looks like they were right. Suddenly all that jibber-jabba seems wasted.

In town square . . . .

Bumblebee: Prime! It's good to see you. *whisper* They're getting restless.

Optimus Prime: We've been to the calendar and we've come up with a strategy for dealing with this new menace.

Leonard: The menace YOU brought.

Red Alert: Let it go, dude!

Kid in the Helmet: Um, I'm not quite sure we should be listening to a plan concocted by the guy from the same calendar that gave us the very menace we're trying to stop.

Thundercracker: That little one is on to something. Should I take him out?

Skywarp: No, these fleshlings' processors are too slow to realize he's right.

Thundercracker: How do you know that?

Skywarp: We've been on this roof for megacycles and no one has thought to look up.

Day Four

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Bumblebee: I'd like to practice our emergency protocols once more. We don't want any of you getting hurt now, do we?

Leonard: So say the robots with their big guns. We didn't need emergency protocols before you came.

Bumblebee: You didn't have criminals running free either.

Leonard: That's not helping your case, bot-boy.

Kid in the Helmet: I think I left the iron on!

Leonard: Shhh. Grown-ups are talking.

Sideswipe: *whisper* I hope Prime get's here soon.

Bumblebee: *whisper* That makes two of us.

Red Alert: WHAT ARE YOU TWO MUMBLING ABOUT?

Meanwhile . . . .

Shockwave: You are fortunate, flesh creature. Your motivations align with ours. Perhaps Lord Megatron will deign to keep you as a pet. Come! We must not keep your new master waiting.

Chuckles: Listen! I ain't nobody's pet, . . . but seein' as I don't got nothin' else goin' on today I could maybe go see your boss.

Upstairs . . . .

Megatron: The arrangement is simple, fleshling. Do exactly as I command, and I allow you to keep your skin.

Megatron: So, do we have a deal?

At the Calendar . . . .

Jazz: Let me get this straight. You are Cooper the copper? That's crazy, man.

Optimus Prime: Jazz! We must show this human the respect he deserves. Santa says we should place more faith in these humans.

Officer Cooper: Personally, I don't see why you haven't just hunted this thug down like the dog he is. I say we send all your Auto-who-sits out and canvas the area.

Prowl: Prime, I have to say I LIKE the way this guy thinks. Besides Santa said we should be listening to the humans more.

Optimus Prime: Perhaps you are right, Prowl. I just want to consult the Calendar before we commit to this course of action.

Optimus Prime: So get up there!

Ten Minutes Later . . . .

Optimus Prime: Pieces are nothing to panic about. Even an inanimate object can speak to us in its way.

Jazz: Why don't you sit down and join us, Prime? There's plenty of ground to go 'round.

Optimus Prime: Can't. Thigh-wheels.

Time Passes . . . .

Officer Cooper: Then the mechanic says, "If that's not your wife, the who's in MY car!?"

Prowl: HA! HA! I get it. "MY car!"

Time Passes . . . .

Prowl: Well, we're done, and I think the message is pretty clear. We have a jail cell here. It's bring this dirtbag in and lock him up.

Jazz: Prowl, it's a WALL! Are we just supposed to tell him to be nice and stand behind this until we say so? Optimus, back me up on this.

Optimus Prime: I agree with Prowl on this. The Calendar wants us to listen to the human. Let's roll out!

Day Three

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 01:00:00 +0000

Chuckles: Say! Nice digs!

Chuckles: Doesn't look like anybody's home.

Chuckles: Come on! Who leaves their doors unlocked nowadays? If I didn't know any better I'd say this was entrapment.

Chuckles: Although, . . . Catherine Zeta Jones . . . .

?????: Welcome, flesh creature.

Chuckles: S-s-s-sorry! I-I-I was just . . . leaving.

?????: No you were not.

Meanwhile . . . .

Jazz: We're all here, Prime.

Optimus Prime: Thank you. As you all know, the Advent Calendar has brought all of the Autobots to this strange land. Somehow I have unleashed an evil onto this land. The humans don't realize how dangerous this is. That is why we MUST keep them out of this.

Prowl: I agree, Prime. I'll set two-bot sentry duty around the town's perimeter.

Jazz: I'll coordinate with the humans and make an evacuation plan.

Optimus Prime: Those are great suggestions, but I need my lieutenants with me. I think the Calendar may be sending us a message with its gifts. Yesterday, I received this primitive semi-solid water assault weapon. I'll need both of your tactical input if we are to get to the bottom of this.

Bumblebee: Hey Prime! The other 'Bots and I can handle keeping the humans safe and secure. You guys go.

Later . . . .

Optimus Prime: Here it is. The Advent Calendar. It's power and purpose: unknowable.

Prowl: It seems innocuous enough.

Jazz: Hey, man! Who's that cat in red?

Santa: Who am I!? Who is it you think you are?

Optimus Prime: Sir, we are the Autobots. We have been brought to your world for some purpose involving this--

Santa: I know all about the Calendar. We're old friends. You're the one that needs instructing.

Santa: Back where you come from you may be the all-knowing muckety muck. Here you don't know reindeer corn from elf scat. Without the humans' involvement your going to be up cocoa creek without a candy cane. Now, let's get to work!

Minutes Later . . . .

Optimus Prime: Seriously! These boxes just keep going up and up. I'm going to break a strut!

Jazz: Relax, Prime. We got ya, man.

Officer Cooper: Looks like you could use a professional. Well, it's a good thing I'm here.

Day Two

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 04:51:00 +0000

Optimus Prime: Thank you for meeting with me Leonard. I'm afraid my ignorance may have set something . . . dangerous loose in your world.

Leonard: Oh, Prime. You worry too much. Have a seat.

Optimus Prime: I . . . can't. My thighs have these wheels.

Optimus Prime: On the subject of . . . eccentricities, why are you still holding that carrot?

Leonard: This? This is for my snowman. With all this excitement, I'm afraid I may set it down and forget it. It's okay though. He can wait.

Meanwhile . . . .

Snowman: *sigh*

Optimus Prime: Back to the matter at hand. The Autobots and I need to capture this menace I have unleashed on your world.

Leonard: Aren't you being a bit dramatic?

Kid in the Helmet: Mister Optimus! It's horrible. The bad guy . . . he's . . . he's . . .

Leonard: Come on now, KitH. Prime doesn't want to hear any of your stories. Everything is just fine.

Meanwhile . . . .

Chuckles: Sweet train! She's mine now. Heh, heh, heh!

Optimus Prime: I need to check the calendar. I'll talk to you more tomorrow, Leonard. KitH, would you like to come with me?

Kid in the Helmet: Would I!?

Optimus Prime: Oh, that joke is too easy . . . .

Fifteen Minutes Later . . . .

Optimus Prime: Thanks for helping me with the ladder, KitH.

Kid in the Helmet: No . . . problem, . . . Mr. Optimus.

Optimus Prime: The window is higher than yesterday's. Hold the ladder steady, KitH.

Kid in the Helmet: Oh, no! The present's broken!! What will we do?

Optimus Prime: I'll tell you what we will do.

Optimus Prime: We. Will. Build.

Ten Minutes Later . . . .

Optimus Prime: Almost there . . . .

Kid in the Helmet: But what about these extra parts!

Optimus Prime: Patience. See? We're done it looks like a catapult for snowballs.

Kid in the Helmet: Mr. Optimus! My fingers are stuck!!!

Optimus Prime: It IS a catapult! You just push this lever down, and--

Kid in the Helmet: My hand's free. Thanks, Mr. Optimus.

Day One

noreply@blogger.com (penguin_poet) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 03:43:00 +0000

Brain Center: Optimus, your contact with the second generation Autobots is here.

Optimus Prime: Send him in.

Optimus Prime: We need to get to the bottom of these disappearances.

Streetwise: Prime, it's good to see you.

Optimus Prime: And you, old friend. Is Commander Pyro with you.

Streetwise: He is, but I have to warn you . . .

Streetwise: . . . He's a bit of a fan.

Pyro: It's like looking in a mirror isn't it, sir?

Optimus Prime: I'm proud to be an inspiration, Pyro, but this is a bit much.

Optimus Prime: My original team of Autobots has been disappearing. I'm the only one left. Before he went missing Ratchet said it may have something to do with your experience last year.

Pyro: Sir, I was the only one to have disappeared last year. The calendar took me no one else. It needs one special bot. I'm sorry, but this many being taken MUST be something else.

Pyro: Where is he? What happened?

Streetwise: You've been corrected.

Optimus Prime: Where am I?

Optimus Prime: What's happened to me?

Kid in the Helmet: AH!! WHO ARE YOU!

Optimus Prime: I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. I know that living robotic beings may be strange to you, but I assure you, you have nothing to fear.

Leonard: Oh, don't mind KitH. He's like that with everyone. *whisper* He wears the helmet ALL the time.

Leonard: My name's Leonard, by the way and I'm fairly sure you know the fellows over there.

Bluestreak, Red Alert, and Bumblebee: Hey, Optimus!

Bumblebee: It's great to see you, sir.

Optimus Prime: Are you alright?

Bluestreak: We're great! We've just been waiting for you to show up so we can start on opening the calendar. I think this is going to be fun. I don't know about you, but a month of opening presents away from those Decepticons is going to be awesome. Did I mention that this place is a paradise. Everyone here is so nice. There is no crime and--

Optimus Prime: Alright, let's get started. Show me the calendar.

Fifteen Minutes Later . . . .

Leonard: Here she is. All ya haffta do is open a door each day. Well, the right right door that is. Not the door on the right. They're numbered . . . .

Optimus Prime: So, I just pop it open, and --

Chuckles: Bite me, rust butt!!!

Optimus Prime: AH!

Chuckles: Looks like I'm gonna have me some fun!

Optimus Prime: This is going to be a long December.