Twizzler from http://timmy.vox.com/

“If there is anything worse than a pervert, it’s a self-righteous druggie pervert, dressed as a chipmunk, offering unsolicited fashion tips. If you want catty advice on how to dress from a crowd of Rocky Horror Picture Show rejects, Burning Man is for you.” Read more burningman commentary from HisNameIsTimmy.

If someone can please translate this for us we would really appreciate it. We’re guessing it’s a haiku, perhapse something like:

breasts are free like bird
sun beats down like overbearing boss
imprints words on skin

People of Burning Man Body Art Rating: 7
Originality: 5
Color Palate: 2
Boobies: 5.5
Mitigating factors: Pallor. These things are gonna be chapped as hell be Wednesday. The guy with the telescope and case of Vaseline Intensive Care ended up having a magical week!

If one vagina is good…

And one may well be good. The jury is out on these three.

Sophia was hoping that this contraption would allow her to peer into the depths of her own vagina in order to, uhhh. Not to clear on that one. I hope she liked what she found. And disinfected after.

The thing is, the all your base are belong to us, initially, was a matter of mistaken meaning and inability to comprehend foreign concepts, not just languages. At it’s heart, that’s what burning man is. And for 1 week out of the year we get to go out into the middle of nowhere and live like we would live if we didn’t have jobs, mortgages, relationships and a sense of consequences. When you think about it, aren’t we getting all up in this guy’s junk because he was trying to tell us something about that?

Point is, when he burns, we all burn? What does that mean? Wasn’t he just radically self-expressing about our radical self-expression? Who knows. What we do know is that he’s now stuck inside a cartoon television answering e-mails.

People of Burning Man Body Art Rating: 8
Originality: 2
Color Palate: 2
Boobies: 6
Mitigating factors: bonus sideboob

This guy here showed up for bike jousting but he must have heard dick jousting. They say when you’re a hammer, wverything looks like a nail. Well, when you’re @ burningman everything looks like a dick. Maybe he’d like to go back and check out the dildo jousting…

What kind of fucktard comes to burning man without so much as a cowboy hat and a picaso recreation on his chest? Seriously dude. A safari hat a watch and not even as much as foreskin to keep the sun off your fountain of joy.

photo by foxgrrl on Flickr

Samuel here sits by the outhouse and contemplates what life would be like without Burningman. He thinks back on his childhood and laments his prudish white collar upbringing in Nebraska and longs for the kind of angst and mommy hate that would allow him to pierce his scrotum, wear short pants and join his secret crush, Jane, (who has always just assumed Samuel’s thoughtful sensitivity meant he was gay) out on the playa for some nude yogic sphincter stretching. Until then, he’s just going to sit there by the bars of his self inflicted prison and try to morally rationalize masturbating to this image.

Photo by AlexThompson on Flickr

On day 5 of Burningman 08 Tina and Joey had shown their tits to 40,000 or their closest friends, but had yet to get their dildos out in the light of day. Fortunately at least 3 people were there to record this on film and one guy who just wanted a closer look at those dildos! (Hay stephanne. They’re genuine VixSkin in the “experimenting frat boy” size.

Photo by Albany_tim on Flickr

If you don’t have a penis, don’t despair, there’s still a way to radically express your inner beauty, with body paint!

When your little sister was playing with her Ken doll while Barbie was having her chi centered at the chiropractor’s office, sometimes she’d use her fingernail polish to make sense of the confusing mound beneath Ken’s slacks. It probably looked something like this. We know your sister found out what Barbie was missing. (boy do we!) But I’m guessing she didn’t find out from this tool.

androgynous

There are 3 things you never want to depict in body paint on a naked woman. Can you guess which one “Body Painter Dave” mistakenly placed here above this woman’s vagina?

People of Burning Man Body Art Rating: 8
Originality: 7
Color Palate: 7
Boobies: 9
Mitigating factors: Tigger’s penis