I have turned into a complete night owl and I think that’s taking a toll on my memory. Believe me, I have had my share of weird dreams, but the ones I had recently were somewhat more weird than usual. On 23rd July, when I was on my sleep marathon (during daytime ofcourse), I had one three dreams, as I was interrupted three times during my sleep, but strangely a girl made appearance in all three of my dreams. So as soon as I woke up, I wrote the dreams down, and I am posting an unedited, unmodified soft copy of what I wrote exactly at that time, when I was still in, I guess a hangover of the dream. Well, anyway here it goes:

DREAM NO. 1: I was in a village house, you know those big Haveli types and presumably with people who were my cousins. It was night time and a bunch of us were alone on the roof. The roof of the house next to us had some utensils (bartan). We threw some utensils (from our roof) which fell on those utensils thus making a lot of noise. The lady next door came screaming to our house while we roared with laughter. She woke everyone in our house and started arguing and shouting loudly. All the ladies were shouting at each other when I intervened, calmed her down and convinced her somehow, that it was all a big mistake.

Anyway, now that everyone was up, we were all sitting in a verandah or something. A girl was sitting with us, and I was looking for a chance to talk to her while others were busy in their own. I asked her, “Care for a stroll?”. I remember I said those exact words. Anyway, so we took a walk in the moonlit lanes of the village and I hugged her. I remember that hug, it was the most passionate hug I have ever given someone. Of course it was a dream, but I didn’t know this at the time I was having the dream. Anyway, it was really good. I really can’t remember the last time I felt this relieved in real or virtual life for that matter. It felt like I hadn’t done this for ages when I was dying to do this. Her touch was so warm, I strangely still remember that feeling.

Moving on, I also think I kissed her on the cheek but I am not too sure. Anyway so we were having this romantic talk, hand in hand, and just when I was about to say “I love you”, someone either called us from behind or my dream was disturbed and I woke up. I can’t recall, but I do remember I didn’t say it, when I wanted to so much.

Laughing yet? Yeah, yeah go on laugh, here’s the next one…

DREAM NO. 2: Ok, I don’t remember much of this dream except that at one point we were sitting together on a bed and I was leaning on her, you know affectionately and this old lady was sitting opposite to us chatting away.

Cut! A new dream starts abruptly withing that dream.. I was on a bicycle riding really fast, and I am strongly convinced that I was chasing someone. I reach a lane which looks exactly like the lane where my PG is. But I go past it and forward, but then I think that maybe I should go to my room upstairs and end this dream. I was suddenly aware that it was a dream. And then, my bike moved backwards of its own accord like hovering in the air.. I felt strange and scared and immediately opened my eyes, coming back to reality.

Yep, the last one freaked me out. I got up, had some water and decided not to fall in sleep again, but my laziness got the better of me….

DREAM NO. 3: Ok, so I was in a village with a dude, his wife(in village clothes) and a daku type dude (think gabbar). We were all riding this one horse, yes all of us on one horse! We reached a police station and the daku was trying to convince a policeman (with an unusually large and bulbous nose) about this big bear he had seen in this forest up on the mountain, and how a new record was made or maybe he was saying he made it. Anyway, the policeman didn’t believe and the daku jumped off the edge of the mountain into a pond like water body. The other dude screamed and jumped after him. And as he went into the pond, I was the dude, I mean it was me who was in th pond and I carried this daku dude out of the pond. But, we didn’t come out of a pond, we came out of a swimming pool in like a city club or something. And then “Anil Kapoor” and “Nassirudin Shah” enter in a militry type uniform (the ones they wore in Karma, you know Subhash Ghai’s movie), and this daku dude is “Jackie Schroff” (again Karma style). Anyway, so Anil Kapoor and Nassirudin Shah came in with guns and two robots who were rubbing the floor, like scrubbing them.

Cut! A new dream withing the dream. I am driving a motor bike and a friend of mine is with me, sitting behind me. She (the same girl from the previous dreams) calls me on my phone, and asks me if I am going to come meet her. I have than earphone thing with my mobile and I say I will. I ask her till when she would be at home, and she replies 10:30. It was already ten by my watch and I say I have to go somewhere with my friend, and at what time will she return home, and she says 11. I say I’ll see her then and I won’t forget this feeling, I felt like missing someone, the pure, true genuine feeling of wanting to be with someone, which I hadn’t felt in years in real or virtual life. So, anyway, we reach a room, where my father’s friend’s wife is there and she talks to us about something concerning the wall or a painting on it, and I keep getting more restless by the second. I am waiting for her to finish so I can go… but I wake up.

Yep, these were the three dreams and I also wrote kind of a conclusion when I woke up, don’t know what I was thinking.. anyway, here it is….

The strange thing is that I can’t remember the face of that girl, despite her starring in all three of my dreams today. I don’t think I had ever seen that face before in my life and I wonder if I ever will again……….

So, you see what I mean.. these were crazy weird dreams, and I can’t seem to make head or tail of them.. you are welcome to leave any interpretations you like in your comments… and tell me about your weird dreams too, if you have any…

P.S. Hey, did anyone hear? Aamir, Madhavan and Sharman are the playing the three idiots in five point someone film version while kareena *toothpick* kapoor will play Neha… What are these guys playing at? Trying to make a movie about life at IIT or a re-union at IIT after 20 years? I think they should have taken new faces like that guy from dil, dosti, etc. what do you guys think?

I know I haven’t posted in quite long, like 10 days, and haven’t posted anything worthwhile in like a month (but then, have I ever?)… but the thing is that there is nothing to post about. My life has become boring and monotonous… the last interesting thing that happened in my life was when my friend told me to find a girl of Jalandhar who was also studying at Bansals and get her post something for his friend, who she was friends with (I know, pretty confusing!). Well you know how grave the situation is when you label something like that as interesting, and this also happened like a week ago. My whole day contains of the following things:

1. Sleeping (a lot of it)

2. Eating (very little..really)

3. Going to the classes (and listening to the profs trying to make sense of KTG and stuff)

4. Studying a little (really really little)

5. Surfing the internet (forcibly, even if I can’t find anything)

6. Reading a book or watching a movie (for which I have to wait for like a day and a half to complete downloading)

Yes, that is all I have been doing, locked up in my room (except for going to the classes), for the last 2 months or so. My friends call me and all I have to say is that I have nothing new to say, so if they don’t either, then we might as well hang up. I guess that all confusion part was a desperate attempt of my mind to spice up my life, cuz that has also totally died down too. It’s like my life is about surviving, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the world, and not living.. I would be happy if I was doing something I loved.. but I’m not and so I am going where the wind takes me (though I am heavy for it and there is a lag). And the worst part is that I don’t know what to do about it, cuz I can’t see how my life was any different before I came into this shithole….

No, wait, that’s not the worst part… the worst part is that the dark knight is not releasing here. How long have I been waiting for it? Well, not long, just like a year… and now its not releasing in kota. I mean the people here must be as dumb as fu*k, cuz when I went into the inox here (the only theatre here) to ask about the timings, they didn’t even know there was a film by that name, and isn’t it like the biggest movie of the year? generating oscar buzz before even releasing? but no, these ignorant guys don’t even know about it and on top of that, don’t know how to talk to people properly.. I mean who is getting PAID for costumer service here? I am so gonna look back to living in kota as the worst in my life, at least up until now. Anyway, that is not the point of the post.

Now, that I have bored you completely (wakey wakey!) with my rant about my life here, the news of the day is that as I can’t find anything to post here… I am gonna start digging up the past and try my hand at fiction and stuff. Let’s see how it goes.

P.S. - If you feel like killing me after reading this mind numbingly boring and pointless post, you are welcome to come here and try your hand at it, I mean at least it would add some adventure

P.P.S. Yesterday while watching Schindler’s List (again), a thing occured to me, that could the holocaust happen in this age and time with muslims, like jews during the WW2? Or does democracy play too important a role to let that happen now? Leave your opinion in the comments.

P.P.P.S.(This is the last one, promise) - How is the new header? Was the previous one better or this one?

The only worthwhile thing I have been doing these days is watching movies….I saw 21 and loved it, and saw some more movies not worth mentioning. I also went to see Jaane Tu… Ya Jaane Na, alone when my friends said they wouldn’t, and I’m glad I did, cuz it’s a very good movie.

Anyway, on with the post, do you remember I told you about A? Yeah, thats the girl I became friends with through orkut. Well, as it turns out, I am a horrible person and a bad human being, cuz, to simply put it across, I am attracted to her. I know that is very wrong, but the thing is that she might have hundreds of friends like me, but she is the only girl who has ever been so close to me, you know emotionally.

I have been trying to not have these feelings, but the foul thing that my brain is, doesn’t let me forget. I try to reason it out again and again and again, yet whenever I think about her, only 1 thing comes to my mind….. I really don’t know what to do to end it all. I surely know that if I shared this with her, our friendship will be effectively ruined.

I have been confused for over a week, about what should I do. I have grown irritable and lazy, don’t talk to anyone properly, except on the internet where I try to come across as happy all the time, through what I write. I don’t know who to consult, cuz, well, I would come off as a horrible person to them, and its just embarrasing enough that I am even having these thoughts. I thoroughly feel ashamed of myself for going the Harry way, that gals and guys can never be friends unless involved with other already. So, I have turned to you guys for help…..suggestions are open, please comment, any help is appreciated.

Well, Ashish, from the Geek World, has tagged me to do a music meme. I am really excited, I gotta say, you know a new legal job and stuff. Thanx Ashish and here goes the tag:

5 - You’re going on a long journey, what five albums MUST you take with you? Albums that you need to listen to regularly.

Hmm… top 5? They keep on changing every week, right now they are:

1. Meteora - Linkin Park

2 .Viva La Vida - Coldplay

3. Jaane Tu….. Ya Jaane Na

4. Curtain Call - Eminem

5. Hybrid Theory - Linkin Park

4 - What four albums/songs do you most associate with a
journey or travel experience? You know, the ones you listen to that
instantly transport you back to a place and time.

1. Enrique - Do you know what it feels like……

2. Dr. Zeus - Kangna [ Reminds me of all the friends I made at that animation coaching center, where they used to play this song all the time]

3. Dil, Dosti,etc. - Dum Laga [Strangely reminds me of the fun times we had in school]

4. Amrinder Gill - Ishq [Reminds me of my silent mornings I spent looking at her and saying nothing]

3 - Your three favourite songs of all time?

1. Linkin Park - Numb

2. Eminem - The Way I Am

3. Agnee - Shaam Tanha

2 - Two feel good songs, the ones that are guaranteed to lift the blues and put a smile on your face.

1. Tum Se Hi - Jab We Met

2. Kabhi Kabhi Aditi - Jaane Tu…. Ya Jaane Na [for right now]

1 - Absolute, overall, undoubtedly the best album of all time, in your opinion.

Hmm.. here’s a toughy, an all time best album? I am not sure I have heard enough of them to even comment. But right now, I’d say none. I mean I love many right now like Jannat, JTYJN, etc. whose all songs are good, but these undoubtedly not the best of all times, so I guess I am yet to hear it.

While Ish and Ashish quarrel over who is the meme king/emperor, I’ve decided to become the meme thief…. I’m gonna steel and do any tag I like (well, no one tags me, what am I supposed to do? Its kind of like being jobless, you gotta do something illegal to survive in this competitive world )

So, the 1st tag is from Tattletale, Vasudha’s blog.

1. What have you realised recently?
It’s not about blaming the education system right now, Its about making the most of it, even though it has flaws.

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
Nope…. still dry as a tundra.

3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 11 blog buddies you would take?
Ok, one guy and ten gals…….well u know why i would take the girls, but a guy cuz I need to talk to someone, while the girl talk is on

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Paris…. it is so romantic.

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
Hmmm…. so many dreams yaar, ok, how about being the next Steven Spielberg.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Well, you know rainbows occur when the water droplets refract the rays of the sun…. to make VIBGYOR out of the white light from the sun, so its not much about believing.

Oh my god, I’ve become a geek! I was afraid of that.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
My internet connection … thats the only thing that helps me survive here.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Produce a movie for myself… or publish a novel.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Yeah, I think I would if am absolutely sure that I am indeed in love with her.

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Ok, as no one tagged me, i’d list 3 good points about me

a) I became patient, seriously, but after I watched Good Will Hunting, my parents had to suffer my wrath for 14 years b4 that.

b) When I love someone, I love them with all my heart and soul. I believe this will be my undoing.

c) I’m polite, err… ok, most of the time, I’m polite.

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Honesty.

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
I dislike people who would do anything to gain someone’s attention…… but I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I hate them.

13. What is the one thing you cannot live without?
Internet! Internet! INTERNET!

14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
It’s better they tell me. I am always ready to improve.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Man, have I got to say it again and again? INTERNET!

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
Nope…. I hate shopping, except for gadgets, u give me some lakhs and I’ll be back within an hour.

17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
What the faraday man? Was this written by a preist? Why do you want me to feel the guilt?

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
I would want to lose my laziness, if I wasn’t lazy, I might not be more happy, but I’d definitely be more successfull.

19. Whats the last shocking thing you’ve seen or heard?
None… I am bored out of my wits here.

20. Would you rather have love but no money or money but no love?
Both, both, both…. accept my wish or I’ll tell mommy on you!

Ok, that was fun, for me atleast, the next tag is from Reema’s blog, “My Random Thoughts“, and hey if u r reading this Reema, welcome to wordpress!

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Jannat, it was a good movie, and the most important thing being, my views are somewhat like Arjun, you know those who don’t think happiness can be bought, don’t know where to shop…..

2. What book are you reading?
Not any right now, but was thinking about starting Macbeth or Hamlet.

3. Favorite board game?
Business or Monopoly to many. I like being the banker, the evil cheating banker

4. Favorite magazine?
Reader’s Digest or maybe PC mag, haven’t read many to comment.

5. Favorite smells?
The smell of a new car, you know when you haven’t taken the plastic off, I love that smell.

6. Favorite sounds?
Man, a favorite, there are so many, how can anyone choose? But, I do know that I hate the sound of silence… rest all are good.

7. Worst feeling in the world?
Feeling not wanted, that no one in the world cares if you were here or not.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Arey yaar, abhi to soya tha! Uthna hi padega kya? paanch minute aur so jaata hun….zzzzz

9. Favorite fast food place?
Subway!

10. Future child’s name?
Haven’t thought about it… but surely not those sikh names, man, I mean they just get repetitive.

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?
Sleep, read and watch movies all day, I hate working

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No… I sleep with a pillow, you know stuffed with cotton.

13. Storms - cool or scary?
Scary, totally! I have seen too many storm deaths on Nat Geo to think they are cool.

14. Favorite drink?
Water.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
Watch all the good movies ever made. Seriously there are so many to watch, sometimes I think, how will I ever watch so many movies in just 1 lifetime!

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
What is broccoli?

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
Black only… I don’t like any other colours except blonde, which look good only on girls or Decaprio.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
Jalandhar and now Kota.

19. Favorite sports to watch?
None, whichever is on, be it cricket, tennis or basketball.

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
I sent this to myself! You got a problem, lets take it outside…

21. What’s under your bed?
Bags, empty bags, maybe some monsters too..

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
No, I wish to be born prettier than I am.

23. Morning person, or night owl?
Night owl…

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
Over easy.

25. Favorite place to relax?
Bed, with my lappy.

26. Favorite pie?
Never had one…………

27. Favorite ice cream flavor?
I hate ice cream. Yuck!

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
I’m not tagging anyone! Do thiefs share their loot?

Ok, so now that we are over with the tags, something about me, I had a test on 29th June, for which I started studying on the 28th, it was Ok, lets see what the results are….till next time, peace out!

P.S. I know, I shouldn’t have trackbacked people whose tags I stole, but you know, I’m like the Zodiac, I take responsibility for my crime.

Hello Ish! Hey Tigger! I guess its just you two with me these days, huh? Thanks for sticking with me, while my posts get less consistent, less funny, more boring and more depressing.

But, I promise, you like this post or you don’t, you’ll have fun reading it. Ok, I’ve got two stories to tell you guys, one(A) is mine and the other(AIR 76) is someone elses. They’re both in 3rd person…..But first let me tell you what I’ve been upto these few days. Well, I watched Jannat, which I liked and watched Se7en, which I did not like, also saw MP3 which I liked as well. I also read the three mistakes, by Chetan Bhagat, was cool, but kind of weak as compared to FPS or call center. Also read the kite runner by Khaled Housini, which was totally awesum, couldn’t get the characters out of my head for a weak. And that thing about Yelda was so cool, I loved it. Also read The Alchemist and didn’t like it, it was so very boring, don’t know why everyone praises it so much……. Anway, back to the stories

Lets start with AIR 76

Anand, pretty much a normal guy. Hailing from Delhi, he had much more sense of style than others, was good looking, ok in studies, and good in sports. He joined Bansal Classes, not really because he wanted to be an engineer, but because that is the only thing his father had suggested and he didn’t know what else to do with his life, so he decided to go along with it. He came in a good batch, even after not having taken the entrance seriously. He found the life of Kota boring until one day, when the course of his entire life changed, when he saw her. He fell in love with a girl in his batch. He, somehow, got to know about the hostel where she lived, and bribed the gate keeper to deliver a package to her. But, unfortunate as it was, the package was found by the hostel matron. She opened it up and found a card and a bracelet. She took it to the girl involved and said that she was gonna take serious action. The girl said that she would tell Bansal sir herself about this. When the matron was gone, she read the letter. It had a beautiful poem and a message telling her about Anand’s identity. He had written that if her answer is yes, then she comes to the class wearing that bracelet, and he’ll understand, and if the answer is no, she could throw it all in the dustbin, no hard feelings.The girl gave the package to Bansal sir the next norning….

He called an assembly and announced in front of everyone what had happened. Anand packed his bags and left that evening only. When teachers asked about him, they got to know that he had left a letter for Bansal sir. Although the letter said that he had left cuz he couldn’t face bansal sir, but Anand knew that it was not the truth. Bansal sir even called him a couple of times, that it was not his mistake and he could come back, but he refused. He was just sad, that she could have thrown that away if she didn’t like him, why did she tell bansal sir?

He was depressed for a month. Not eating anything, not studying anything, wasting his entire time. But his father understood him, and he said that don’t make your love your weakness, make your love for that girl, your inspiration. He told him to work hard and if he was able to stand tall on his feet, his father would himself go to the girl’s house to ask for her hand for Anand.

So he worked hard, more than anyone, in private tutions, self study, he gave it all he had, and he got A.I.R. 76 in IIT-JEE examination. He went to Bansal classes that very day, enquired about the girl’s address, and went to her house. As he had got to know, she had captured a 2000 something rank. He asked her why she had done what she had, told her about his feelings, demanded an answer, but on getting nothing for an answer but sobs from her, he gave her a card and left. And here I am telling you this story, hearing it from my friend, who heard from Anand and that girl on their wedding day…………

A

He had changed. The winds of Kota had given him a cold, the thing he felt awkward when his friends did it, he was doing it himself. The disease was “watching girls”. Yes, he used to say to his friends, “What, have you never seen a girl before? are the an alien form, new to us that you have to speacially go on gedhis to see them.” But, now, he noticed every girl walking past him, like they were something on display.

But, he was not that far along. He was still a good kid, just looking for love. He was never attached to his parents or family, so tried to find love from friends, or perhaps a girl friend. Whatever it was, he decided that he would start practicing the Game(Pick ups). So he strated carrying out the tasks in The Rules of the Game, grasped every aspect of the game, and finally started as a rookie. He tried to practice online first. So he sent friend requests to a couple of girls on orkut. You know, a couple of good profiles he found in his friends’ friends list. Thats how he met A(name not to be disclosed, so just A).

They hit it off the first time they chatted, for like 5 hours… and not a dull moment I tell you. He was taking it slowly, you know, following the game, slowly getting past veils of the female mind….. They decided to chat everyday. And they do, almost everyday, and he slowly starts getting attached to her. He even number closes her. When she doesn’t come online for 3 days once, he calls her and they talk for like 20 minutes. Nothing special right, but it was turning into something. Slowly, chats became less frequent and calls went everyday. They talked from 11:30 in the night to 4:30, one night. It was the longest phone conversation he had ever had. By now, he had also seen her pictures, she was more cute than pretty. He slowly started getting more attached to her, started missing her during daytime, thinking about topics to talk about at night, thinking about her. But he felt wrong, he felt like it wasn’t fair to A, he was getting these feelings for her, when she considered him only as a friend. He wasn’t attracted to her earlier, why now? He kept thinking and thinking for 2 days and then it finally dawned on him, one day when he was walking towards his classes. He was trying to find that girl(his last crush) in A. He had never got to know that girl, not talk to her, and he was trying to find her image in A. It may not be considered a big deal, but he knew it was for him, and he broke down, he wanted to just scream, let out all the frustration, not only about this, but about all of it, everything he was trying to forget about while talking with A.

“I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn’t screw to save its species.

I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all those French beaches I’d never see.

I wanted to breathe smoke…… I felt like destroying something beautiful.”                   - Fight Club

These dialogues were ringing in his ears as he climbed stair after stair, and he finally decided, that he would get over with the previous chapter first. So he called a couple of buddies in his home town told them to find out her orkut profile. He doesn’t want anything to work out, no, its more his curiosity that is getting the better of him. He just wants to talk to her once, and he knows the chapter would be closed after that. He doesn’t want this to haunt his love life forever. He wants to find out what it was that appealed to him, that’s stopping him from moving on.

He’s still friends with A, a better friend than he was. They still chat, and still talk on the phone for hours, and he hopes they will continue to be good friends.

And he has changed, he is out of the narrow minded trance he had dived into. He does not “bird watch” anymore and is more than confident while approaching someone, whether a guy or a girl. He feels more bright, more positive while talking, not caring much about public opinion. I am not saying it is because of this story, it might be because of the whole experience, but he can say that coming to Kota proved to be a fruitful decision.

P.S. I hope you have watched fight club, if u haven’t, you definitely should, its one of the best movies out there.

]]> http://perx.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/a-and-air/feed/ Perx http://perx.wordpress.com/2008/06/06/am-i-being-unreasonable-or-what/ http://perx.wordpress.com/2008/06/06/am-i-being-unreasonable-or-what/#comments Fri, 06 Jun 2008 15:18:44 +0000 Perx http://perx.wordpress.com/?p=105

Yeah, so let me tell you a little bit about my life for the last month here in Kota…….

Well, as me and Vipul were room partners, obviously we talked a lot to each other. I think I would not be wrong to say that we know everything about each other. I even found out from him, that I knew less about my “friends” back home then I could have ever imagined. I felt sad, cuz it reflected on me as a friend, you know, that these people never entrusted me enough to tell me about themselves. So, anyway, I found out that he’s a nice guy, a little spoilt, u know, chasing girls and ghedian and all. But, he liked this one girl in his colony and the last day, the night of which our train was supposed to leave, he proposed(not a marriage proposal) to her and she said yes.

He told me all about his feelings, every thing he did and said in front of her, that helped him win her. We even tried the Game together for a few days.  I used to call her home, as she didn’t have a cell phone, and I could make a girl’s voice. I even supported and tried to console him at every moment for those 15 days he could not contact her. We were like Joey and Chandler for that one month…. really, we told each other everything.

The night that I shifted, Rohan (another friend of ours here) told me that he was feeling lonely and told me to call and of course I did. And now, I think he doesn’t really need me. He called me this morning, while I was in class, at like 9 to call her home, and ask her to call his cell. I called her home 3 times before the class and 2 times during the interval. She told me, during the last call, that some problem was occurring as her mom was enquiring that who was calling so many times.

I went to Vipul’s PG after class ended at 1, and he wasn’t there. I called his cell and he told me that he was at the classes, and wouldn’t be free till after 7:30. I was worried all day, I know I shouldn’t have been, but I was, and this is the only place I can write the truth, right? I was worried, that their relationship might be discovered because of me, or whether she had called him or not……..

So I call him, at 7:45 and his phone is busy, at 7:50, its busy, 8:15, he finally picks up. So, I try to ask him stuff about it all, and other things, and I feel like he doesn’t really wanna talk to me. He stopped inbetween, and I think didn’t wanna talk to me about it. So I just wanted to ask, is that all there is? I mean you could have called me and informed me that all is well, but you didn’t. You call me only when you need a favour, or a job done…. and when I call you, you don’t even talk to me properly, or don’t wanna talk. Is that all there is to friendship, selfishness? Am I being unreasonable, cuz I bet I am, but anyone who reads my blog knows that I’m emotional about friends. But, what do you guys think?

Hey you guys! I hope you haven’t forgotten me. Let me introduce myself again. It’s Perx, with my wierd little alias. I know I don’t post regularly, but I’ll try to be from now on. Ok, so i’ve got two tags and some news about Kota.

Well, as everyone knows that the conditions in Rajasthan, especially near Kota, aren’t pleasant. Terrorism is on the rise. Although there hasn’t been much violence in the city, you might find a case or two. Infact a boy was killed, in our street with a knife, but it was a late night incident and only few people know, even I got to know from somewhere else, and am not sure even if it’s true. There is some panga about the Gurjars. And the thing is that these guys have broken the rail tracks. So no courier or passengers can come in or go out. My new Sony Ericsson K950i is waiting to be sent in my old city. The mobile that I previouly had, a chines one, has totally stopped working, and I use Nokia 1200 until my parents can come to Kota with my phone. I think that they should just cancel reservation for all, no partiality would happen that way. But thats a whole another topic.

The big news is that I’ve shifted to a new PG. Vipul is still in the older room. The place was good, but the only thing was I didn’t like the landlord and vice versa. The place where I now live, belongs to a retired couple, whose kids have jobs abroad. Actually my mom met the lady on the train, when my parents were going back. The fountain that she is, my mom was crying, and this lady also started crying. I guess, that developed a strange kind of bond between them. Anyway, the room is nice, but I feel a little lonely here. I mean I was living for a month and a half, being constantly surrounded by people, and suddenly, I am alone. I guess it will take some time getting used to being alone AGAIN.

The Bansal review test went very bad. I am in R8 right now and obviously, wanna go up. In subjective, I thought I’d get 15/20 in Maths, 40/50 in Chem and 40/50 in Physics. But guess what, I just got 12.5/50 in Maths, 19/50 in Physics and 17/50 in Chem. I am like totally depressed. But, I am hoping for good marks in objective test, atleast 75/150. I wanna atleast stay in R and not go into S. So, I’ve decided to work hard from now. Just today, I was thinking that the last month was like a dream, you know, like while watching “FRIENDS”, you think that one day, you would like to live like this too. And now is when the real struggle begins. Let’s see how it goes.

UPDATE: As I was writing this, the results got announced. I got 78 in objective and got Q6 which is a much higher batch. Now I’m happy. And BTW Vipul got P5, he was in Q2 earlier.

8 Things Me

I got the first tag from Sneezy Melon of “The Goofy Express“. I have to tell 8 random facts about me. I think it could take me a day to think those…..

1) I am Sikh. Yes, if you didn’t know, I am a Sikh. As much as I don’t want hair as long as a girl has, the Indian society is narrow minded. My parents won’t say no, if I insisted on getting my hair cut, but as long as I am dependent on them, I don’t want them to face embarrassment, so I’ll do that when I get independent. See, I don’t think you need long hair to be a Sikh. Just by going to the Gurudwara, or wearing a turban, keeping a beard, putting money in the golak and bending in front of the Guru Granth Sahib, you can’t be a real Sikh. I have not been to a Gurudwara in 2 years, I believe God is everywhere. I don’t put money in the golak, because that does not go to poor, but to the pockets of managers. I’d rather feed the poor. I don’t read the jabji sahib, cuz I think that God doesn’t need a particular language to be prayed in. I think that the one who respects the Holy book and practices the deeds given is more of a sikh than the one doing all the other things I said above. Sorry, I guess this topic needs a post of its own. Moving on…….

2) I was the Head boy of my school, the worst there ever was. I didn’t even wanna be the head boy in the first place. I didn’t think I deserved it, I even told my class teacher to pass on the title to that boy, but she said that the decision had been made. There decision turned out to be wrong for them, according to me…….

3) I have a weird habit of connecting myself with every great personality. I try to find similarities between us and then think that maybe I’m their re-incarnation. So far, I have considered myself to be a re-incarnation of Bhagat Singh, Einstein, Shakespeare, Gandhi, Walt Disney, Mozart, and many more….

4) I don’t like dogs, cats, even pups, horses or any other kind of animal or insect. You don’t know what’s going on in their heads, and they might hurt you at any time. So I hate them and am afraid of them.

5) I don’t like to fight. I mean I have fought with my sister many times, but my views have changed now. I think fights and wars are a problem in themself and not a solution to any problem, so I believe in forgiving and forgetting. But, mind you I’m afraid of getting beaten either.

6) I hate myself. Yes, I hate the way I look, the way I think, the way I talk. I wish I could change everything like through a computer program or something, like photoshop, where they even got previews.

7) I daydream, and that’s all I do. I think and make plans about the future and forget to study in the procedure. Whenever, I see something, like on TV, about a family or something, I start thinking about what I would do differently if it were my decision……I think u get the point. BTW, my biggest dream is being immortal.

Tag No. 2 (As stolen from Ish)

i am: ugly.
i think: constantly, about too many things at a time.
i know: that I’ll succeed if I try hard.
i want: to talk to my crush once, to know what it was that attracted me to her.
i have: dual personalities.
i wish: I could be a movie director.
i hate: studying.
i miss: my friends from my city.
i fear: death and ghosts.
i feel: confused, about life.
i hear: numbness, the sound of loneliness.
i smell: some socks which are unwashed.
i crave: for love, real pure love.
i search: my soul, my heart, trying to unravel it’s secrets.
i wonder: if I’ll ever be at peace.
i regret: having opted for non medical.
i love: watching movies.
i ache: for all the people who are doing what they don’t want to do.
i care: for my family, friends and some other people.
i always: look for the deeper meaning.
i am not: religious at all. I believe in Guru Nanak, Krishna, and Hanuman equally.
i believe: that I’ll go crazy one day.
i dance: to the tunes of fate.
i sing: along with listening to songs. People tend to spread away, when I start listening to songs.

I tag anyone who would like to do these tags.

I have been watching all the roadies episodes, but just didn’t have the time to make a post. Anyway, here it goes.

We had left where Shambhavi goes. After that I think was the episode with the kick boxing. Yeah it was pretty cool, especially when Nihal gets all beaten up. I don’t remember much about the tasks but I remember that after that Varun was voted out, then Vibhor. And boy, how can I forget the Prabhjot voteout. I mean was Ankita mad or something. If she had voted out Ashutosh or Sonel, the game would have been much much different. But she got out too, due to her dumbness, and the final 3 are Nihal, Ashutosh, and Sonel. But, its amazing that these people were some worst task performers of the show, and they reached the end only because of the politics they played. I guess its all about politics in India.

As the news has already leaked, Ashutosh is gonna win this season, and thats not good, at least according to ethics. I mean that guy wasn’t even serious. Let’s see what the final episode unfolds before us. The wait is only until 17th May, 2008.

Yeah, I have been looking for an inspiration ever since I have come to Kota. I had decided upon IIT for one simple reason. I had decided that as IITians get the highest paid jobs, I’d work for like 5 years, and then go to LA to join a film institute to become a director, as I wanted to join Hollywood and get in touch with HD. But, as that one-itis was dropped, I wasn’t sure what to do, and decided to go for IIT only.

But, I have been suffering ever since I have come here. I don’t want to study hard, I want to enjoy life. And today IITians have to do MBA to get good jobs, and I think that the salary would have been good enough even if I did an MBA after doing CA or something. I don’t have anything that can keep me going, something that can inspire me to study, no real motive, nothing, cuz the standard of IIT has really dropped in my eyes after getting to know how stuff works there.

Also, I have been really disappointed with Bansal Classes. I thought that people came here to gain knowledge, not just learn the same old stuff, but boy, was I wrong. Their only aim is IIT, which might work for most people, but doesn’t for me. I have a thirst for knowledge, not for cramming. And even the IITs are only about the GPA.

So due to lack of inspiration, my mind has been looking around. Strangely, my oneitis have returned, yes both of them. I notice every girl walking past me, which I never did before. Maybe I’m spoiling myself, but I understand that my mind is looking for inspiration. I don’t know what to do. I think that if I don’t get a good batch after the first test, maybe I’ll go back. I mean what is the use of living without facilities, when you don’t even want to do what you have come to do.

I don’t know if it’s wrong or right, I’m totally confused, more than I ever was.

P.S. I forgot to tell you all, It was my 16th birthday on 18th April.