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Clear Your Charisma Blocks Master Class

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Sat, 21 Sep 2024 08:41:00 -0500

Pete Sapper reveals how to annihilate all blocks to your natural charisma, charm and personal magnetism so that you can unleash your most magnetic and charismatic Self.

Watch All Charisma Inc. Masterclasses Here

The Charisma Inc. Masterclass

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Fri, 20 Sep 2024 08:34:00 -0500

Pete Sapper delivers the ultimate higher consciousness Master Class on how to become magnetic to everything you've ever desired.

Watch All Charisma Inc. Masterclasses Here

The 6 Qualities of Highly Charismatic People

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Fri, 14 Oct 2022 22:34:00 -0500

Webster's dictionary defines the word charisma as 'Compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.' It then goes on to offer a second definition of the word: 'A divinely conferred power or talent.'

Well then, I'm certainly glad we got that all cleared up.

For the handful of people who actually understand charisma - what it means, and more importantly, the unmistakable advantages it confers - one thing is certain:

What makes charisma so rare and elusive is that its very essence is rooted in a near-complete reversal of the way most of us are programmed to behave.

In this article, I've isolated six key qualities that make up charisma in all its forms.

First, I'll describe each key quality in its purest form. Then, I'll offer you specific insight on how you can apply the principles of each of these qualities of charismatic masters in your own life.

Quality #1: Charismatic People Have a Powerful, Other-Worldy Presence

Study charismatic masters as disparate as Marilyn Monroe and the Dalai Lama, and what you'll notice is that they all have this in common. A magnetic, almost other-worldly presence.

Now here's where the reversal of common patterns of behavior comes in. Most of us have been fooled into believing that presence is something we have.

It's not. Presence is something we give.

So what makes presence such an elusive quality in human beings? The answer is two-fold.

First, the human brain evolved over millions of years with one prime directive in mind - survival. That essentially means that our brains are hard-wired for distraction; Constantly scanning the environment for - and then locking onto - novel stimuli. After all, a few thousand years ago, those novel stimuli were often a warning that something was about to eat us.

Second, our society and culture encourage distraction. In their book 'Positioning' authors Al Ries and Jack Trout proclaim that 'we're living in history's first over-communicated society'.

That was in 1981 ... Decades before Facebook, Twitter and Smartphones!

With so much distraction in the environment, and a brain that's hard-wired to be highly distractable, is it any wonder why we feel so disconnected (even from the people sitting across the dinner table)?

Instant Charisma Tip: The very next time you‘re in a conversation, try to regularly check whether your mind is fully engaged or whether it is wandering elsewhere (including preparing your next sentence). Aim to bring yourself back to the present moment as often as you can by focusing on your toes for just a second, and then get back to focusing on the other person (This simple technique works wonders!).

Quality #2: Charismatic People are Externally Focused Most of the Time

This quality is an absolute pillar of charismatic masters. While the majority of us scramble throughout the rat-race of life trying to become the center of attention - constantly obsessed with the way we're perceived by others, the charismatic master overcomes this internally-focused sense of insecurity by becoming purely focused on others.

Charismatic masters make everyone feel like the most important person in the room.

In 5 years of researching charisma, one name would come up again and again whenever the topic of presence was raised - that of former President Bill Clinton.

It's been said that Clinton's charismatic presence - communicated primarily by his eye contact and body language - was so powerful that it made anyone he addressed feel like they were the only person in the room.

In her book, 'The Charisma Myth', Olivia Fox breaks down Clinton's style of 'Focus Charisma', noting the essential role that eye contact plays in conveying a powerful sense of magnetism.

When it comes to Charisma - The Eyes Have It

Eye contact is one of the main ways charismatic masters make you feel that you are the most important person in the room. Profound eye contact can communicate empathy and give an impression of thoughtfulness, wisdom, and intelligence. You simply cannot be charismatic without it.

Instant Charisma Tip: Two of the most common eye-contact issues people have are lack of eye contact due to shyness and lack of eye contact due to distraction. Either one can ruin your charisma potential, so practice holding eye contact with people longer. Start with your friends. Then start giving more eye contact to strangers. Do this for just a few weeks, and you'll have created a new habit that will skyrocket your magnetic potential.

Note: If you're a man meeting eyes with a woman, always try to let her look away before you do (This one will be very tough at first - but trust me - stick with it, and the rewards will be immense).

Quality #3: Charismatic People Are The World's Greatest Listeners

Charismatic masters - no matter their background - are bound by this simple pretext: They're the world's greatest listeners. And why would a modern charismatic be so adept at the lost art of listening?

Because believe it or not - listening is all it takes to show the other person they're important.

Always do at least 80% of the listening

Make a committed effort to listen at least 70-80% more than you speak. When you do speak, never offer advice unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because in most cases, offering advice ends up making the conversation about you, not them.

Only speak when you have something important to say - and always define 'important' as what matters to the other person, not to you.

Hold that thought - even if it kills you

Good listeners know never, ever to interrupt - not even if the impulse to do so comes from excitement about something the other person just said. No matter how congratulatory and warm your input, it will always result in their feeling at least a hint of resentment or frustration at not having been allowed to complete their sentence.

Instant Charisma Tip: Master listeners know one simple but extraordinarily effective trick that will make people feel truly listened to and understood: they pause before they answer. Considered a key tool in negotiation, pausing can also play a wonderful role in making people feel good about themselves when they‘re around you - it‘s an easy way to make people feel intelligent, interesting, and even impressive.

Quality #4: Charismatic People Express a Total Acceptance of Others

In his 2001 classic 'The Art of Seduction', Robert Greene uncovers some timeless secrets of Studio-Era Hollywood's most charismatic personalities. Not least of whom was the great Errol Flynn - who despite having been accused of endless debauchery and womanizing - still managed to maintain his saintly aura in the eyes of women the world over.

His secret, according to Greene, was his amoral outlook on life. This meant that Flynn accepted every woman in his life unconditionally and without judgement. In an era where women fell under constant scrutiny, this simple quality worked some serious magic in terms of making him magnetic to others.

Instant Charisma Tip: One simple way to guarantee that you're the kind of person that people love to be around is to become the kind of charismatic master who accepts everyone as they are.

This accomplishes two remarkable things: First, the people you meet will feel instantly bonded to you as their emotional shelter in an endlessly critical world. Second, your ability to accept others exactly as they are empowers you to have the kind of influence over others that they'd never be willing to offer to someone that makes them feel wrong.

It is a universal desire of all humans to be both unconditionally accepted and understood. Being a charismatic master means you become one of the rare people that allows others feel safe enough to be themselves.

Quality #5: Charismatic People Praise Others Early and Often

While I can't claim to have ever been a natural at the all around game of charisma, I can honestly lay claim to getting this one right. As an event planner/promoter in some of Chicago's busiest nightclubs, this was one of my best trade secrets.

(Discover my 'Instant Charisma' technique to become the most unforgettable person in the room here)

As body language expert Allan Pease noted, upon meeting someone for the first time, offering them a sincere compliment meant that they'd actually remember you as taller, thinner and younger!

This crazy but true statistic has been proven in numerous studies since, and yes - I still make it an automatic habit to offer sincere praise to everyone I meet. It's a virtually guaranteed means of always making an unforgettable first impression.

Instant Charisma Tip: You can dramatically increase your charisma IQ by learning the right way to give a compliment. You do this by simply observing what it is that they already want to be complimented on.

Quality #6: Charismatic People Have an Unwavering Sense of Purpose

One quality that can truly make someone magnetic is the genuine ability to detach one's self from the opinions of others. The only way a creature as socially-calibrated as a human being accomplishes such a feat is through an unwavering sense of purpose.

Charismatic masters carry around an unmistakable passion for life.

Whether they are saviors or troublemakers, they radiate a passion that triggers powerful emotions in those around them. Even in seemingly negative emotions like anger, they make people feel compelled to join their cause. They also exude an obvious pleasure in life experiences, all the while inviting others to share in the experience they're having.

Instant Charisma Tip: You can enhance your charisma by sharing what you're truly passionate about with the people around you. People who are vision-inspired and purpose-driven are magnetic to others because they understand that while no one gives a damn about your goals, everyone is yearning to be part of a vision.

Maximize Your Own Magnetic Potential: Practice Makes Perfect

Maximizing your own charismatic presence is going to come down to a delicate balance between being true to your own nature and stretching out of your usual comfort zones. As you practice cultivating these six qualities, they will gradually become a part of who you, eventually becoming what we at Charisma Inc. call your natural, effortless way of being in the world.

If you're ready to maximize your magnetic potential and learn the secrets of being truly influential with other people, click here to schedule a consultation with one of our executive coaches.

4 Magical Phrases That Will Make People Love You

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Fri, 17 Dec 2021 21:27:00 -0600

Having worked in the field of communication and linguistics since I was a teenager, I can tell you that the single most popular techniques I teach are my "magic phrases".

( These magic phrases are referred to as "language patterns" in the NLP community )

In this article, I'll be sharing four of the easiest to learn and most universally applicable of these.

The reason these phrases work like magic (and like clockwork) is very simple: We human beings come off the assembly line with certain universal needs. These needs are hard-wired into us at birth and cannot be changed or removed.

These magic phrases work by addressing one or more of these hard-wired needs, so people have neither the urge nor the desire to resist them.

The need to feel appreciated? Check. The need to feel valuable? Check. The need to feel like our lives matter to the people around us? Check, check and check.

Ready to make some magic? Here we go ...

Magic Phrase #1 - 'How did that make you feel?'

Why it works: It's been said that therapists are professional listeners, and the fact is that people in therapy get as much - if not more - of a therapeutic effect from the fact that someone is actually allowing them to freely express themselves than they do from anything else.

You'll remember from my previous articles that one of the most charismatic qualities you can possess is the willingness to accept others without judgement.

That also entails making a committed effort to listen at least 70-80% more than you speak, never offering advice (unless you're directly asked to do so) and never interrupting the other person.

The lost art of listening is perhaps the most essential of all people skills because it's almost impossible to find in this modern age of "me, me, me" .

When you pair this magic phrase with a genuine desire to listen to and empathize with others, you'll be well on your way to becoming a charismatic master.

Magic Phrase #2 - 'I had no idea that was the case. Tell me more.'

Why it works: People love to feel like they know enough about life to teach us a thing or two. This magic phrase not only makes the recipient feel intelligent and wise, it also gives them a sense of having contributed a piece of knowledge to your life that you wouldn't have had otherwise.

The other need that this phrase hits on big time is the need to feel admired by others, and I challenge you to find me a person with a pulse who doesn't adore the idea of that ...

Magic Phrase #3 - 'Thank you. You've been very helpful.'

Why it works: Joint research from Harvard and the Wharton Business School found that individuals who receive thanks after completing a task feel higher levels of self-worth than those that don't.

Since we all enjoy being around people that make us feel better about ourselves, showing someone sincere gratitude is just about the easiest way in the world to stand out from the crowd. The second human need that this magic phrase addresses is a big one: The need we all have to feel appreciated.

I say this phrase to every waiter, bartender, Uber driver and restroom attendant I encounter ... and you know what? They always give me some level of special treatment the next time I see them.

Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart, once said “Appreciate everything your associates do. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They’re absolutely free and worth a fortune.”

BONUS Magic Phrase (For friends, relatives or co-workers):

Magic Phrase #4 - 'One thing I've always admired about you is ...'

Why it works: When psychologist Cameron Anderson of the Haas School of Business at U.C. Berkeley explored the relationship between different types of status and well-being, he concluded that sociometric status (i.e. respect and admiration) within your social network makes a substantial difference in your overall happiness.

"Having high standing in your local ladder leads to receiving more respect, having more influence, and being more integrated into the group's social fabric. We've found that when someone's standing in their social circle went up or down, so did their happiness, even over the course of 9 months," said Anderson. [1]

Few things in life will make a person light up more than knowing that they're respected and admired (especially by the people they value most). And few things will empower you more than knowing just how much of an effect your sincere appreciation can have on another person's happiness.

One word of warning: It's important that anyone who uses these magic phrases do so with absolute sincerity. If you're the type who's looking for a quick and easy way to manipulate others to do your bidding, you'll eventually learn that such anti-charismatic behavior is sure to backfire.

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5 Magic Phrases For Dealing with Difficult People

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Wed, 9 Jun 2021 14:43:00 -0500

Here's a rule of nature: People mired in the depths of misery are absolutely compelled to pull others down with them.

The truth about misery is that it doesn't just love company.

It absolutely demands it.

These days, the need for self-protection against toxic personality types is at an all-time high.

In his latest book "The Laws of Human Nature", author Robert Greene dedicates an entire portion of the nearly 600 page text to these notoriously difficult human beings. Labeling them as "Toxic Types", Greene offers a psychoanalytic perspective of each persona, their roots in childhood and moreover - the compulsive nature of their behavior.

Having personally encountered a wide variety of these pernicious types in my own life, I know first hand just how completely soul-depleting they can be.

Best believe that the last thing you want is to become unknowingly enmeshed in their drama.

In this article, you'll learn:

How to use the power of language to avoid needless conflict
5 phrases specifically designed for disarming difficult people
The psychology behind the effectiveness of each phrase
The various contexts in which these phrases have proven most useful

First, let's zoom out and take a look at the big picture. In the Charismatic Communication model, we always begin with the end in mind.

The primary goal here is to disarm, diffuse or bypass the antagonist. The secondary goal is to avoid needless conflict by de-escalating the situation. Two useful questions to start with are:

What does the person I'm dealing with really want or need?
How can I meet those needs in a way that's caring instead of confrontational?

Keeping those two questions in mind, the magic phrases you're about to learn all work along the same axiom and fulfill the following three criteria:

Acknowledgement: The other person feels both heard *and* understood.
Validation: The other person feels that their opinions or ideas are validated, whether you happen to agree or not.
Deference: Showing respect for the other person's intellect and capacity to reason (even in the complete absence thereof).

When communication is structured in a manner that addresses all of these three criteria, even the most determined resistance melts away.

Watch.

Magic phrase #1. "I'm happy to work with you. How do we fix this?"

Practical application: Useful with uncooperative types who tend to repeatedly discredit your ideas or simply disagree out of spite. A solid option anytime someone digs their heels in and refuses to give an inch.

Why it works: This is the quintessential reframe technique. It effectively shifts the interpersonal dynamic from one that's oppositional/defiant to one that's cooperative/collaborative.

One golden rule of effective communication is that whenever you find yourself at an impasse, the best course of action is to put the ball back in the other person's court.

This accomplishes two things:

1. It communicates an eagerness on your part to cooperate rather than compete.

2. It creates an irresistable challenge to your antagonist's problem-solving abilities..

In other words, you've effectively transformed a determined obstacle into an incentivized ally.

Magic phrase #2. "I could be wrong, but ... "

Practical application: Useful with disagreeable, insecure or argumentative types who'd sooner sell their first born than ever admit to the possibility of being wrong.

Also as a "softener" that precedes any statement which might be interpreted as contentious or controversial.

Why it works: Displaying humility by admitting that your logic might be fallible immediately relaxes an antagonist's defensive reflexes. This puts their fears of being scrutinized at ease while simultaneously protecting you from being scrutinized in return.

Afterall, it's rather pointless to tell someone they're wrong after they've just admitted it as a possibility.

They be like, 'You're wrong'.

And you be like, 'No shit Sherlock'.

Magic Phrase #3: "I like that idea. Can I make a suggestion?"

Practical application: Useful with people who repeatedly interrupt you, talk over you, drown you out, or simply refuse to let you get a word in edgewise.

This one requires that you invite the other person to state their opinion first. Only when you are sure they are finished speaking (Pro-tip: pause for 2-3 seconds), do you pull the trigger.

Why it works: By demonstrating that you are willing to 1. hear the other person out first, 2. acknowledge and validate their opinion (even if it sucks), and 3. politely ask to share input of your own, you've effectively addressed the three criteria for disarming difficult people: Acknowledgement, Validation, Deference.

Magic phrase #4. "Maybe you're right ..."

Practical application: Use as a countermeasure any time you find yourself being attacked.

Example: In a fit of rage, someone hits you with a deplorable insult. Instead of reacting defensively with a predictable attack of your own, you simply roll with the attack by suggesting that they're probably right!

The shock effect caused by this technique has to be witnessed to be believed.

Why it works: This magic phrase exemplifies the art of non-resistance. You use your attacker's own power and momentum against them. The more vicious their attack, the more powerfully it boomerangs back in their face. When the shock effect wears off, the shame kicks in.

They will certainly think twice before tyrannizing you again.

"Supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting." - Sun Tzu, 'The Art Of War'

Magic phrase #5. "I'll be counting on/I could really use your help ..."

Practical application: I saved this one for last because it's effective at gaining compliance from even notoriously difficult types. Use it to gain compliance and cooperation from someone who is responding to you with unwarranted opposition or hostility.

Why it works: Consider that one secret desire that all human beings share is the need to feel needed. A variation on the reframe technique used earlier, this magic phrase induces an temporary state of confusion (cognitive dissonance) in your antagonizer.

The language pattern not only presupposes that they are your ally, but that you are relying on them to work cooperatively towards a positive resolution.

Pro-tip: Get specific. Acknowledge one or more qualities that you appreciate or admire in them; the more genuine and specific your praise, the more valuable they feel, the more influence you'll wield.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

Caring for people should precede confronting people. You end goal should be to avoid creating enemies by engaging in needless conflict. When dealing with difficult people, the formula to achieve this is simple:

1. Respond, Don't React - Responsibility means the ability to respond effectively (rather than to react emotionally). Maintain control of the situation by staying calm. When asked how he managed to remain so calm amidst the chaos and terror of 9/11, mayor Rudy Juliani replied, 'The calmest person in the room is the most powerful person in the room.'

2. Hear the other person out - Listen intently, acknowledge the other person's opinion (whether you agree or not), and offer them a sense of validation. Once a person feels that they've been fully heard, their opinion acknowledged and their feelings validated, their resistance to you will quickly evaporate.

3. You're not seeking agreement, but understanding - Do not fall into the common trap of needing to convince the other person to agree with you. This will only escalate the conflict and strengthen the other person's resistance to you. People need your understanding far more than they need your approval.

4. Always leave people better than you found them - Charismatic Communicators always seek to create win-win outcomes. We are not looking to maliciously manipulate, cause harm or add to anyone's suffering. Consistently use the power of your language as a force for good and the Universe will reward you accordingly.

Don't forget to share your own insights and experience in the comment box below. I promise to read and respond to them to the best of my ability.

Have any additional phrases you'd like to share that have worked for you? Let me know in the comments below, and if you found this knowledge to be useful, please share it and be sure to comment below.

How To Make The Perfect First Impression

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Wed, 9 Jun 2021 14:43:00 -0500

You never get a second chance to make a great first impression.

That's because within seconds of meeting you, people will have judged your social status, your level of education, and even your potential for success.

Within just 2-3 minutes, they've also decided on your levels of intelligence, your trustworthiness and your overall degree of competence. And although these evaluations happen in an instant, their effects can last for years, or decades - even a lifetime.

Behavioral research has proven that once we‘ve made a judgment about someone, everything we see and hear from then on gets filtered through this initial impression. So it goes without saying that if you're looking to make a charismatic first impression, you had better get it right the first time.

In this article, you'll learn:

+ The Science Behind First Impressions
+ Why First Impressions Are So Powerful
+ How To Make Yourself Unforgettable To Everyone You Meet
+ How To Master the Art of Clever Compliments

The Science Behind First Impressions

Perhaps the biggest reason that first impressions have such an impact is that they're often actually right. In fact, several notable studies have confirmed that we humans have evolved to be pretty accurate in our perceptions of someone's personality - even after meeting them for only a few seconds.

In psychology, it's called the Primacy Effect. This is the condition by which your first impression about someone (or something) causes you to interpret their future behavior in a way that is wholly consistent with your first impression.

These compelling findings were the basis for Malcolm Gladwell’s popular book, Blink, which summarized much of the research.

In one study conducted at the University of Texas at Austin, people were able to judge a person's personality traits - including openness, agreeableness, emotional stability, self-esteem, loneliness, and even political orientation - with 90% accuracy just by looking at a single snapshot!

That's because first impressions are generated by the fastest part of the brain, which is also the most primitive. This 'reptilian brain' may have been a key to our ancestors‘ survival in hunter-gatherer times, when we often had only a split second to determine whether shapes entering our field of vision were friend or foe.

Today, even in sophisticated business settings, we still operate on hunter-gatherer survival instincts. Many CEOs and human resource professionals will openly admit that they decide whether they‘ll hire a job applicant within the first few seconds of the interview. As one hiring manager said, 'The rest of the interview is just window dressing.'

How To Use The Power Of First Impressions To Your Advantage

The good news is that there's a simple skill that almost anyone can learn to virtually guarantee a positive first impression. And nearly 3 years of comprehensive research on the topic of charisma has lead me right back to the same technique I used over a decade ago.

Looking back on my career working in some of Chicago's busiest nightclubs, I can pretty much say that of all my trade secrets, the most powerful was also the most simple:

Between 11pm and 1am, I'd make it a nightly ritual to tour the venue and offer sincere praise to every woman in attendance.

That's right - I said every one of them.

That meant that if there were 300 women in the venue, I'd make it a point to hand out 300 unique, sincere compliments a night. Every night.

(As you can imagine, I got pretty damn good at it)

This nightly ritual not only guaranteed that the women who came to our events always left with a positive experience, it also guaranteed that they'd be back for more the following week.

Female customers are the life-blood of any nightclub's success, and it was no accident that our promotional company quickly earned a reputation for always bringing out the city's most beautiful women.

How To Make Yourself Unforgettable: The Power of Authentic Praise

According to body language expert Allan Pease, complimenting someone you meet for the first time means that they'll actually remember you as being taller, thinner and younger than you actually are! 'So forget about diets', says Pease. 'Just learn how to give compliments!'

The power of genuine appreciation is no less potent today than it was 80 years ago when Dale Carnegie wrote one of the most legendary books of all time, 'How To Win Friends and Influence People'.

Norihiro Sadato, professor at the National Institute for Physiological Sciences in Japan adds 'Our research has shown that the same area of the brain affected in this study, the striatum, is activated when a person is rewarded a compliment or cash.'

This crazy but true statistic has been proven in numerous studies over the past decade, and yes - I still make it an automatic habit to offer sincere praise to everyone I meet. It's a virtually guaranteed means of always making an unforgettable first impression.

(For more: See My Article on the 6 Qualities of Highly Charismatic People)

How To Master the Art of Clever Compliments

The goal of any aspiring charismatic should be to leave everyone you encounter with two things: A positive impression of you, and more importantly - a positive feeling about themselves.

One secret I use for giving the perfect compliment is to be sure that it's uniquely tailored to the individual. I'll do this by simply observing what it is that the recipient already wants to be complimented on.

+ Did the person make it a point to show up in a custom-fit suit?
+ Did they just have their hair or nails done?
+ Are they wearing accessories that perfectly compliment their attire?

HELLO ... These little nuances are hardly an accident!

Because compliments make the world a better place, everyone needs to learn how to compliment. The more specific and heartfelt they are, the better.

Humans beings are hard-wired to appreciate people who notice and appreciate them. So tell people what they did right. Then tell them why you appreciate them for it.

8 Surprising Secrets To Boost Your Energy

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Wed, 9 Jun 2021 14:42:00 -0500

Think about the most charismatic and magnetic people you know.

How many of them would you say are are low-energy people?

I’d be willing to bet that the answer is none.

And that should come as no surprise ...

The fact is that our ability to be charismatic and connect powerfully with others is inextricably linked to how energetic we happen to be feeling.

And it's no secret that it's hard to feel confident and enthusiastic when you're also feeling exhausted.

In this article, I'll be sharing the 8 most surprising secrets to staying energized on a consistent basis.

( You might be surprised to discover that none of them have anything to do with diet and exercise! )

I'll also include a handful of my favorite "Instant Energizers" for you to use to get an instant energy boost whenever you need one.

Secret #1. End the Silent Energy Drain - Declutter Your Space

In his book "150 Ways to Boost Your Energy", Dr. Jonny Bowden professes that there is an inverse relationship between your energy levels and the amount of "stuff" you own - especially when the majority of it is stuff you don't need or use.

I once had the rather unpleasant experience of rooming with a hoarder in college. When my roommate's useless clutter would spill out of his living space and into the general living quarters, the other roommates would often remark that they could actually feel the profound energy-draining effects of all that useless junk!

( The problem eventually got bad enough that we had to band together and vote the hoarder off the island ... )

You don't have to be an obsessive-compulsive junk collector to feel the drain that clutter causes. Even a handful of items scattered around your living space can absorb a substantial amount of your vital energy.

What's more, clutter tends to be magnetic - actually attracting even more clutter. Have you noticed how often clutter tends to do this? Have you noticed the effect this phenomenon has on your vital energy?

Moving forward, make it a habit to immediately put things away once you're done using them, and you'll cut this energy-depleting weed off in its tracks.

Instant Energizer: If you're feeling overwhelmed with a work or living space where the clutter has gotten out of control, try this: Give yourself permission to go crazy for 5 minutes and put away (or throw away) as much of it as you can in that short time span.

My bet is that after 5 minutes, you'll have cleared most of it out. This technique also allows you to tap into the mind's need for a sense of completion - You'll actually feel a healthy compulsion to deal with the leftovers rather than stop after the 5 minutes is up.

You'll also feel an instant sense of accomplishment (and relief) once the "brain-drain" is gone and you're finally clutter-free.

Secret #2. Close Open Loops, Open Closed Doors

Another silent energy assassin that we're rarely ever conscious of is having "incompletions" in our lives. In his video program "Wake Up Productive", Eben Pagan defines incompletions as those situations in our lives where we feel like we're lacking a sense of closure.

( Remember the mind's need for completion I just mentioned? )

What's truly insidious about these incompletions (or what I call "open loops") is that the toll they extract on our energy levels is an almost completely unconscious one.

When enough of these 'incompletions' accumulate in your life, there's a high probability that you'll actually start waking up feeling more tired than you were when you went to bed.

No kidding ...

Imagine having 15 or 20 open programs on your computer's desktop running in the background. Is it any wonder why your computer would be running much slower than usual?

Maybe it's a fight you had with a family member where you never went back and got any closure. Maybe it's a falling out you had with an ex where you simply went your separate ways. Sometimes the 'open loop' is just a good friend that you were once close to and - for whatever reason - lost touch with over the years.

Either way, these open loops end up becoming invisible parasites, draining our energy levels and leaving us feeling much less alive.

If you're determined to end this energy drain, it's imperative that you go back and create completion in these situations. That simply means that it's time to go back and close the loop.

Instant Energizer: Call someone that you were once close to and - for whatever reason - fell out of touch with. Let them know that they were once a very important person in your life and that your life feels a little less complete since you've fallen out of touch.

( Believe me - The uplifting effect that this simple process creates can't be overstated )

If you're desiring a truly uplifting experience, call someone you were once close to and had a nasty falling out with. Let them know that you forgive them and that you're sorry for the part you played in the situation.

DON'T MAKE ANY EXCUSES.

Simply apologize and accept responsibility for the situation (yes, even if they had a big part to play in it). You'll be shocked at the degree of respect people give you when you accept full responsibility for a situation without resorting to the juvenile practice of blaming others.

Remember ... Forgiveness is the ultimate expression of self-love (it's something you do for YOU, not for them); so liberate yourself and release the anger, hate and toxic resentment to the Universe. Those who refuse to release these toxic emotions will invariably pay a heavy debt ... Like Gautama Buddha said, "Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

SPECIAL NOTE: If one of your incompletions involves a situation where someone has passed on, make a commitment to forgive them and let whatever happened go. Let yourself off the hook and release it to the Universe.

Secret #3. Keep a Positive Aspects Journal

This powerful confidence-boosting energizer is elegant in its simplicity: Make it a daily practice to write down five things you love about your life and are truly grateful for.

Of the 70,000 thoughts we have a day, research has determined that over 80 percent are negative.

Science also tells us that we humans tend to automatically focus on and remember the most negative parts of life simply because it's hard-wired into our DNA to do so - A survival instinct that helped our ancestors survive in a much more dangerous time.

Journaling daily changes the way you think (and feel) by keeping your focus and attention fixed on the most positive aspects of your life. It's also the tool that my clients consistently report makes the most immediate difference in their lives.

The best time to journal is just before bed because the gratitude will flow into your subconscious as you sleep. Not only will you awaken feeling more confident, but you will also feel happier and more energized as well.

I personally use the Daily Greatness Journal and have found it to be such an effective game-changer in my own life that I now provide one to each of my clients. The huge advantage of this journal is that it provides daily guidelines, bullet-points, empowering affirmations and inspirational quotes meant to keep your focus trained squarely on your personal strengths and the things you have to be most grateful for in your life.

( You can get your own Daily Greatness Journal here )

Instant Energizer: If you don't own a journal, grab a clean sheet of paper and jot down the 5 things you feel most grateful for in life. I promise that you'll instantly feel more energized and grateful to be alive. Like actress and Charisma Coach Sandra Dee Robinson says, "A simple gratitude list at the beginning or end of your day is a sure way to raise your happiness level ... And happy people are charismatic people!"

Secret #4. Clear Off Your Mental Desk

I first learned this powerful technique from Matthew Hussey back in 2011 when I attended his 5 day retreat in Kissimmee, Florida. I've taught it to hundreds of my own clients since then and it's become one of my own favorite go-to techniques whenever I'm feeling drained or over-loaded.

( Eben Pagan calls this technique "Clearing Off Your Mental Desk", and it's no accident that he's included it as an exercise in nearly every program he's ever created )

Much like physical clutter drains us
of energy, so does the mental clutter that we all have floating around in our heads.

If you're ready to plug the hole and stop the leak, it's required that you get that energy-sucking clutter out of your head and onto a piece of paper.

Instant Energizer: Grab a notebook and on a clean sheet, write down everything that's on your mind. All the things you're worried about, all of the things you have to do, all of the things you need to start or finish. Put a star next to the 5 things that you can get done before the end of the day ... and then commit to doing them.

You'll be amazed at the energizing sense of clarity you get from finally emptying your overwhelmed mind. You'll also love the confidence boost you'll get from putting those 5 daily things into the 'DONE' folder of your mental desktop.

FREE RESOURCE: Brendan Burchard's One Page Productivity Planner is always a Godsend when I find myself balancing 2 to 3 big projects at a time. You can download it in PDF form here.

Secret #5. Plant an Energizing Vision in Your Mental Garden

One of the most powerful concepts I learned a few years back when I participated in The Landmark Forum was the idea of inventing a compelling vision of possibility for the future.

Whether it's a vision of you living in the dream home you've always wanted to buy or a vision of you as a best-selling author having just published the book you've always wanted to write, creating a vivid, 3-dimensional mental image of the future you want to design not only energizes you mentally, it also has a powerful effect on your subconscious mind.

Few things will energize you more than reminding yourself of just how much limitless potential your future holds by consciously creating a vivid vision of the future person you desire to become.

Recreating this compelling vision as a daily practice means that you'll be activating The Universal Law of Attraction, and you'll find yourself automatically being "pulled" towards the future vision you've created.

( Listen to my free audio "Everything You Need To Know About The Law of Attraction in under 5 Minutes" here )

Instant Energizer: Take 20 minutes before you turn in for the night and listen to a guided meditation that's in line with the possibility and vision you'd like to invent for yourself. You can literally find thousands of guided meditations online which are geared towards assisting you to create your specific outcome.

Simply Google the phrase "guided meditation" along with a brief description of your goal (example: 'guided meditation to attract soulmate' or 'guided meditation to attract abundance')

A few of my favorite meditations can be found on Sarah Hall's YouTube Channel, including several that I've shared with clients over the years. I tell everyone I work with that until they make creative visualization a daily practice, they're just wishing and hoping when they could be consciously creating.

Secret #6. Vanquish The Energy Vampires From Your Life

Not sure who the energy vampires are in your life? Here's a quick definition: They're the family member, friend or co-worker who drags you down, leaves you feeling angry, deflated and almost always drained of energy.

They're part of relationships that are unsupportive and unrewarding.

The damage done by these vampires goes far beyond just draining your vital energy and leaving you feeling depleted. Their negativity, critical demeanor and self-absorbed nature also have a profound subconscious effect that goes almost entirely unnoticed.

The famous Framingham Study found that we become the sum total of the 5 people we spend the most time with. That means that if your goal is to become a more attractive and charismatic person, you're essentially being subconsciously sabotaged every time you expose yourself to one of these toxic types.

And keep in mind that energy vampires don't just come in one variety ... Be wary of the less obvious ones as well. This "covert" variety of vampire can be every bit as depleting as the first type.

These are the types who will cross every boundary imaginable. There is no end to the amount of favors they'll ask for or the amount of time they'll take up. They only care to talk about what's going on in their lives and have little regard for how they can be of value to others.

( In other words, they're the embodiment of what it means to be completely anti-charismatic )

These types of people drain your energy. Lose them. If you cannot expel them entirely (i.e. they happen to be a family member, co-worker, etc.), it's critical that you limit the amount of time that you're exposed to their pernitious influence.

As my friend and fellow coach Luke Havard says, "Who you spend time with is who you become."

"Your life is a reflection of the 5 people you spend the most time with." - Jim Rohn If you're the smartest, healthiest or happiest of your friends, then it's probably time to get some new friends. Really.
Posted by Pete Sapper on Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Secret #7. Resolve To Give Up Lying For Good

Developing the habit of telling the truth is unequivocally liberating. Because you're no longer having to waste precious mental energy on remembering which lies and embellishments were told to whom, you're able to create the space for a sense of peace to exist in your life.

( Not to mention the obvious fact that you'll be far less stressed )

Having nothing to hide, nothing to explain, nothing to validate or justify and - most importantly - nothing to fear will undoubtedly make you a much more authentic and charismatic person.

Resolve to rid your life of the lies about how magnificent, athletic, lucky, or amazing you are. Imperfection is part of being human, and it's far better to be known as someone who's imperfect than someone who's too weak to admit to or change their imperfections.

Instant Energizer: Make a commitment to let go of any lies, exaggerations or embellishments you might have previously been tangled up in. Having the courage to stand in your truth will unequivocally liberate you. You'll also be surprised at how much better you sleep with no lies on your conscience.

Secret #8. Perform a Random Act of Kindness

If you're like me, you become absolutely energized when you do something kind for someone else. After having gotten to know many of my readers and clients over the years, I can comfortably say that they're some of the kindest people on the planet.

Studies over the years have discovered that it's not just the giver and the receiver that benefit from a random act of kindness. Incredibly, researchers have found that anyone who happens to witness the act becomes equally energized and uplifted, as well!

( But wait, there's more ... )

Although it seems totally counter-intuitive, social scientists have discovered that it's the moments when you're feeling down that doing something kind for someone else becomes the most uplifting thing that you can do for yourself ...

As Ashton Kutcher famously said, "The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous ... Everything else is crap, I promise you."

Making the commitment to become a more charismatic person is an act of kindness in and of itself. - Whether they're uplifting others with a clever compliment or just believing in someone who doesn't believe in themselves, charismatic people are the types who are unequivocally the most pleasant and energizing to be around.

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5 Ridiculously Easy Ways To Win People Over

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 14:02:00 -0500

Ask me what I'm most passionate about and I'll tell you that it's having the privilege to teach the most important life skill of all ... how to connect powerfully with other people.

One of the most surprising revelations for people I work with is just how simple and easy it is to totally change the course of someone's day, their week ... even their life.

I've long espoused the fact that we don't fall in love with people, we fall in love with the way they make us feel - Especially about ourselves.

In this article, I'll be sharing 5 of the easiest but most effective ways to make everyone you meet feel like a million bucks (and make them absolutely love you in the process).

Ready to make some magic? Let's do this ...

Method 1. Compliment Them ... Publicly!

I'm a huge proponent of the power of "clever complements". These compliments work like a charm because the compliment you're offering is exactly the one that the recipient has been waiting to hear!

So if it's evident that the woman you're speaking to put a lot of effort into accessorizing her outfit - you tell her just how creative and clever her ensemble is. If the man you're speaking with obviously paid a hefty sum to have his suit custom tailored to a perfect fit rather than buying it off the rack - you tell him just how well he wears that suit.

(Read my article on how to use this technique to master the art of making perfect first impressions here)

While it's true that using clever compliments is extremely powerful, when you give the compliment in front of others, its power is instantly magnified ten fold!

Instant Charisma Tip: Complimenting others publicly becomes absolutely magical when you're introducing people to each other. I always go beyond the standard "This is so-and-so" routine when making an introduction and do my best to present everyone in the best light possible.

Keep in mind that everyone we know has at least one quality that they truly pride themselves on.

Hint: If you don't know what it is, try asking this question - "What's the one quality you appreciate most about yourself?"

Then, put that knowledge to work!

Not only will you be making the person you're introducing feel like a million bucks, but the people you introduce them to will begin to unconsciously associate their very best qualities with you (a psychological phenomenon known as spontaneous trait transference). [1]

Talk about a win-win, huh? As John Maxwell professed, "When you give someone a public compliment, you give them wings like an eagle."

Method 2. Tell Them a Secret

Anyone who knows me will tell you that one of my personal favorite magic phrases is "Can I share a little secret?".

( Watch carefully as people's ears instantly perk up when you use it! )

Why? Because there's not a single person I know of that doesn't feel special when they're entrusted with privileged information.

The essential component of this charismatic technique is offering the other person interesting, entertaining or informative content that's relevant to them or something that they can use that adds value to their lives.

NOTE: This does NOT mean engaging in negative gossip or commiserating over some terrible disaster you just heard about on CNN (Constantly Negative News).

For example, one of my long term girlfriends actually won me over by reading my palm on our first date. Now consider what she was really doing by reading my palm. She wasn't just telling me a secret, she was telling me THE secret that's of most relevance to me (like whether I'm going to have a long and prosperous life, or whether I'd better start getting my bucket list out of the way).

By the time the reading was over, I actually found myself dreading the idea of taking her home at the end of the night. If you want to have the same effect on others, be the one who always adds the value of privileged knowledge or wisdom to the lives of others in a way that's all about them.

Maya Angelou really nailed it when she said, "People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But they'll never forget how you made them feel."

Method 3. Make Them Feel Needed

The need to feel needed is a universal one that's hard-wired into every human being on the planet. In fact, I'm sure you know of many a person who was willing to go to great lengths to feel that sense of significance.

The magic phrase "I can't do it without you" is another one of my personal favorites because it doesn't just hit the "I think you're special" button like gangbusters, it also does so in a way that always creates a win-win outcome.

You win because you gain someone else's willing co-operation, and they win because they get the opportunity to feel needed in a way that also leaves them feeling respected and appreciated.

Pretty amazing how much value those 6 little words can have, huh?

This magical phrase also works like a charm for women looking to create a spark with a certain man. The fact is, few things will bring a man to life faster than an opportunity to play Superman or Prince Charming for a damsel in distress.

( Be careful with this one, ladies. It's powerful enough that some of the women I've taught it to actually end up using it on me - and it still works! )

This doesn't mean you become that obnoxious person who's constantly asking for favors every time they show up. It does mean you're present enough with people to observe which superhero they secretly want to play.

After all, this is about them, not you.

Remember this: Making people feel needed means giving them an irrefutable sense of belonging; And as Brené Brown once said, "A deep sense of belonging is an irreducible need of all people."

Method 4. Learn EVERYONE'S Name

I was working a recent trade show with a business associate who was amazed at how I was able to remember the names of everyone we visited that day. "I wish I could do that!" she remarked. "I'm just terrible at remembering people's names."

"That's only because you don't realize just how much of an advantage it gives you", I replied.

The truth is, I remember names well because I make it a priority to do so.

Consider this: Until just a few years ago, I was terrible at remembering people's names. Worse yet, I would constantly repeat the disempowering affirmation "I'm no good with names.", over and over until I actually started to believe that it was true.

Can I share a little secret? You'll be amazed at just how great your memory becomes when you stop affirming how bad you are with people's names and start putting some real effort into remembering them.

Most psychologists and memory experts point out that one of the main reasons we forget someone’s name is simply because we’re not really focused on learning it in the first place. There’s typically too much else going on, and it’s all vying for our attention.

Author of the best selling book "Never Eat Alone", Keith Ferrazzi's first piece of advice for remembering names is to just decide to care. “If you make a conscious decision that you are going to remember names,” he explains, “because you care about the people you meet, you will immediately become much better at doing it!”

And I can promise you that there's no easier way to win people over in a few seconds than to simply remember their name ... and then call them by it. Remember the timeless words of Dale Carnegie, "A person's name is the sweetest sound to their ears."

Method 5. Let Them Impress You

One of the most famous stories about the art of winning people over is the story about the 1886 race for Prime Minister of England. The two candidates? William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli.

When journalists covering the election discovered that both candidates had taken the same woman to dinner, they posed the question, "Which one of the two men did you find to be more impressive?" She replied, "After dining with Mr. Gladstone, I felt like *he* was the most amazing person in all of England. But after dining with Mr. Disraeli, I felt like *I* was the most amazing person in all of England."

That story perfectly illustrates the powerful influence you'll have when you stop trying to impress other people and start letting them impress you instead.

I watched my friend Nile do this masterfully over the weekend. Before I'd even had a chance to catch my bearings, he'd gone out of his way to notice almost everything I'd expended effort on relative to my appearance.

My friend Anastasia Stathis is co-owner of Tress Beauty Lounge in Chicago and is another certified master at making her clients feel like a million bucks, not only because of her talent as a makeup artist, but also because of her innate understanding of what it truly means to be charismatic.

Mary Kay Ash lived by the slogan "Imagine that everyone you meet is wearing an invisible sign around their neck that says 'Make me feel important'." Allowing others to dazzle you with their innate skills, talents or charm achieves this objective like clockwork.

One Final Word About Winning People Over

And finally, make peace with the fact that there will always be a tiny handful of people that no amount of charisma or genuine caring will ever win over.

You can be the sweetest peach in the world and there will still be people who don't like peaches.

Do the right thing for the both of you and let them go. Ultimately, it's their loss and - believe me - you're much better off without these types of people in your life.

The 7 Habits Of Highly Magnetic People

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Tue, 23 Mar 2021 19:56:00 -0500

Transforming clients from ordinary to extraordinary in their capacity for being magnetic has been my personal passion since 2011.

And one thing I can say with complete confidence is that one's level of personal magnetism isn't nearly as much about their level of natural charm as it is about their level of commitment to doing the work that's required in creating this skill set we call charisma.

And by work, I mean practice.

Because the magnetic people we admire for their seemingly effortless manner of social grace didn't get that way by accident. No. Never. Not.

The truth about magnetic people is that they've learned how to connect powerfully with others - either through life experience, by modeling other magnetic people, or in the case of our clients - by having practiced the skills over and over in real-time, and with real people - until the behaviors have literally become the person's natural way of being.

The Seven Habits Of Magnetic People - From Principle To Practice

In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on their perceived magnetic potential. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive - all innate characteristics that make up someone's natural character. Instead, the top adjectives were sincerity, transparency, and capacity for understanding others.

Now let's unpack those adjectives and distill them down to the habits that all highly magnetic people have in common.

Habit #1: Magnetic People Shine The Spotlight On Others.

Examine anyone who's truly a person of influence and affluence and here's what you'll discover: They don't give a damn about being the center of attention.

People have a natural aversion to those who seem desperate for attention. You don’t need to develop a big, extroverted personality to become powerfully magnetic. In fact, quite the opposite is true.

Attractive People Aren't Interesting. They're Interested.

Consider Dale Carnegie's timeless wisdom that "You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

When you become genuinely interested in others and are present enough to notice what's interesting about them, it's amazing just how attractive you suddenly become.

Instant Charisma Tip: Need more motivation than just becoming a charismatic leader to become genuinely interested in others? The emerging field of Positive Psychology has continually shown that the more we concentrate on ourselves, the more depressed and anxious we feel. Conversely, it's almost impossible to feel lousy when we focus outward - and specifically on the value we can add to the lives of others. As Ghandi said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in (the service of) others."

(Learn more about how to create a powerful presence here).

Habit #2. Magnetic People Ask The Right Questions.

The biggest mistake people make when it comes to their way of being with others is that they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next that they completely fail to hear what’s being said. What's worse is that what they're usually preparing to say next is something about themselves!

And the lousy advice you'll read from other communication "experts" sounds like this - "Just ask lots of questions to show your interest!" But if that's the only trick in your bag, you're likely to run the risk of sounding like a private investigator, or worse - asking questions that have no relevance to what matters to the other person.

Arouse An Eager Want By Asking The Right Questions.

One timeless Carnegie Principle sounds like this: "Arouse in the other an eager want". Pretty much the opposite of what most people do, since what they're mostly interested in is talking about what they want.

But arousing in others an eager want means that it's far more important for us to ask the right questions - like the kind of questions the other person actually wants to answer.

You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you'll gain just by asking the right questions.

Habit #3. Magnetic People Are Genuine People.

As I've mentioned in my other articles on maximizing magnetic potential, being genuine is essential to being charismatic.

No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are authentic because they realize they can trust them. It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.

Being something you're not and doing things you'd rather not just to make others happy accomplishes nothing but creating resentment in you (usually manifesting in passive-aggressive behavior) and suspicion about your real motives in others.

No one likes a fake. So do everyone a favor and ditch the mask.

Like Oscar Wilde said, "Be yourself. Everyone else is taken."

Habit #4. Magnetic People Make Great Listeners.

If you want to maximize your magnetic potential, you must be open-minded. Nothing will murder your magnetic potential faster than coming off as the kind of critical person who's always judging others. Moreover, any power you may have had to influence other people evaporates the moment they sense your critical nature.

(And trust me, they always sense it.)

The most powerful way to eliminate the habit of being critical of others is to develop the practice of viewing the world through the eyes of others. This doesn’t mean you believe what they believe or even that you condone their behavior, it simply means you give up on passing judgment long enough to truly understand that person.

Instant Charisma Tip: If you've fallen into the habit of being a critical person, it's a sure sign that the person you've been hardest on is yourself. Learning and practicing the art of self-compassion is the essential gateway to giving up the confidence-crushing compulsion to brutalize yourself.

Practice being gentle with yourself first, and I promise - you'll see miracles unfold in your ability to accept others without judgement.

(Learn My Three-Step Process For Eliminating The Habit Of Being Critical Here.)

Habit #5. Magnetic People Make Powerful First Impressions.

In my article on first impressions, I revealed the fact that most people will decide whether or not they like you within the first seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the time mentally rationalizing that initial emotional reaction.

This may sound terrifying to someone who's been unaware of the enormous power of first impressions, but by knowing this you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your magnetic potential from here on out.

Since I've already covered the science of making the perfect first impression in a previous article, I'll refrain from going into detail again. Read my article on how to make the perfect first impression here, (And read Malcolm Gladwell's best-seller "Blink" if you're as fascinated by the power of first impressions as I am).

Habit #6. Magnetic People Know The Power of a Person's Name.

Your name is an essential part of your identity, and admit it - it feels terrific when people use it. Magnetic masters make a point of learning - and using - other people's names every time they see them.

And not for nothing. In his legendary book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', Dale Carnegie famously noted that a person's name is the sweetest sound to their ears.

Decades later, behavioral research has proven that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name - both in greeting and during conversation.

If you’re great with faces but have trouble with names, have some fun with it and make remembering people’s names a brain exercise. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask their name a second time or ask them how to spell it if you forget it right after you hear it.

Habit #7. Magnetic People Recognize That Vulnerability Is Strength.

In recent years, researcher Brené Brown has brought the power of vulnerability into sharp focus. But countless charismatic masters have long known that displaying vulnerability is actually a means of demonstrating ultimate strength.

I'll go into great detail on the right way (and wrong way) to use vulnerability as a powerful way to connect with anyone in my upcoming articles, but for the time being be wary to avoid sharing personal problems and intimate confessions too quickly as this might get you labeled as a whiner or complainer. And if you've read my other articles on being a person of influence, you know that few things will kill your magnetic potential faster than sounding like a victim.

Remember - magnetic people always let others take the lead in determining when it’s the right time to open up and share on a deeper level. Letting them decide when they feel safe enough will go a long way in showing up like someone they can trust.

The Seven Habits Of Magnetic People - Putting It All Together

It's no secret that magnetic people are invaluable, unforgettable and totally unique. They network with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out the best in everyone around them, and generally seem to get the most out of life.

My simple promise is this: If you'll practice these 7 habits until they define your automatic way of being in the world, your magnetic potential will soar to levels you'd never previously imagined!

The 6 Most Common Charisma-Killing Mistakes

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Thu, 18 Mar 2021 20:33:00 -0500

Charisma. Even after 3 years of researching the topic, I'm still taken aback by just how thoroughly fascinated everyone I meet is about the subject.

And when I let people in on the little-known secret that charisma is actually a set of skills that anyone can learn, that's when they really start to pay attention.

The avalanche of questions that follows usually starts like this: 'So what do I need to start doing to be more charismatic?'

Naturally, they're surprised when I tell them that becoming a more charismatic person actually starts with the things they need to stop doing.

In this article, I've outlined out the 6 most common charisma-killing mistakes I see people making when working with them.

You'll learn what behaviors to avoid at all costs, and how doing so can virtually triple your charisma overnight.

The Six Most Common Charisma Killers Are (In No Particular Order):

Charisma Killer #1: You Think Charisma's All About Your Ability To Impress People

Ask any expert on the topic of charisma who they think might be the most charismatic politician of all time, and 9 of 10 will tell you it was this guy: Benjamin Disraeli.

Case in point: In the summer of 1886, Disraeli was facing William Gladstone for the position of Prime Minister of England.

When reporters covering the heated election discovered that both men had happened to take the same young woman out to dinner, their curiosity compelled them to interview her about which candidate had impressed her the most.

She responded, 'After dining with Mr. Gladstone, I felt like he was the most fascinating person in England. But after dining with Mr. Disraeli, I felt like I was the most fascinating person in England.'

Guess who won the election. It was the man who made others feel impressive and fascinating.

Moral of the Story: If you want to dramatically boost your attractor factor, take a hint from Prime Minister Disraeli. Stop trying to impress the people you meet, and start letting them impress you instead.

Charisma Killer #2: You Can't Get Out of You Own Head

Those who coach the art of charisma know that presence is the single most requested skill we're called upon to teach top performers.

That's because presence - having a moment-to-moment awareness of what‘s happening (rather than being stuck in your head) - is a commodity so rare that it's hardly ever seen in today's distraction-filled culture.

Now consider the fact that our brains are essentially hard-wired to be easily distracted, and you can see why having the ability to offer others your undivided presence is always guaranteed to multiply your magnetic potential.

Case in point: Former President Bill Clinton is said to have a presence so powerful, it makes everyone he addresses feel like they're the only person in the room.

Even Clinton's staunchest opponents have admitted, 'Bill Clinton - I hated him before I met him; I hated him after I met him; But while I met him ... I absolutely loved the man!'

(Read my article about having a charismatic presence with women here)

Moral of the Story: Being present - paying attention to what‘s going on rather than being caught up in your thoughts - can yield immense rewards. When you exhibit presence, those around you feel listened to, respected and valued.

Charisma Killer #3: You Interrupt People

Attend any run-of-the-mill seminar on sales, persuasion or becoming a person of influence and you'll be sure to have this lesson on day one - never interrupt the other person.

Case in point: My friend Jill works with special needs children. She pretty much has the patience of Job. But in spite of all that, she absolutely hates being interrupted when she's speaking.

Know who else hates being interrupted? Everyone on the planet.

Not only does being the kind of person who interrupts people make you supremely obnoxious, but do it enough, and you'll essentially be sending the message that what the other person has to say isn't worth listening to - or hearing.

Moral of the Story: Unless you're the kind of person who enjoys spending lots of time by yourself - you'll stop interrupting people ... immediately.

Charisma Killer #4: You Can't Stop Making Other People Wrong

Of all of the most common barriers to charisma, this one is easily the most seductive.

It's a simple fact that human beings love to be right.

And decades of behavioral research have proven that once we make up our minds about a person, we'll go out of our way to prove ourselves right (This explains why first impressions are so powerful).

(See my article on how to guarantee a great first impression here)

Case in point: When I first met Aaron, he was everything I expected a successful 24 year-old sales professional to be. He wasn't just extremely likable, he also resonated the kind of positive energy that fed great vibes to everyone around him.

Unfortunately, Aaron's glaring achilles heel was that whenever he felt like someone had wronged him on the job, he'd end up taking it personally ... and it showed.

His usual friendly and upbeat demeanor would give way to a sad little scowl and a dismal vibe that felt like it might actually drain you if you were standing too close.

It wasn't long before this habit had gotten him reprimanded for arguing with a fellow employee. He'd even been sent home early - an extremely rare occurrence among top sales performers.

So how did I bring the old Aaron back? By simply making him aware of what needing to be right - (and make someone else wrong) - was costing him.

"Tell me something Aaron ... Would you rather be right, or would you rather be rich?"

A huge smile flashed across his face. 'Rich, Petey. I'd rather be Rich!'

Moral of the story: In 1936 Dale Carnegie first espoused the timeless wisdom: 'Never tell the other person that they're wrong'. Avoiding the narcissistic compulsion of needing to be right, or worse - needing to make someone else wrong - is an essential component in enhancing your charisma.

Charisma Killer #5: You're Still Too Afraid To Be Yourself

Let's be honest - we live in an culture where everyone and their mother is all about the business of 'looking good'. The only problem with such a pursuit is that it often comes at the expense of us being our most authentic selves. Taken too far, we can end up looking downright inauthentic - an absolute killer when it comes to charisma.

Case in point: Former UFC women's bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey is a supremely outspoken chick who will always say exactly what's on her mind (no matter how many people it offends).

But as abrasive as Ronda can be, she's never bothered trying to convince the public that she's anything other than who she is.

And while one might think it's hurt her mainstream appeal, the reality has been just the opposite - It's taken her less than 16 months to become the biggest name in the sport of Mixed Martial Arts.

Ronda Rousey has always been - and will always be - a straight shooter who'll tell you exactly what she thinks. Love her or hate her, Ronda Rousey's indisputable charm is deeply rooted in her ability to be exactly who and what she is ... with zero apologies.

Moral of the story: When you‘re perceived as disingenuous, it‘s virtually impossible to generate trust, rapport, or loyalty. And it‘s impossible to be charismatic.

Charisma Killer #6: You Get Seduced Into Negative Gossip

Contrary to popular belief, people who engage in gossip typically do so for relatively harmless reasons. For many people, gossip simply serves as a means by which they connect with others in their circle of influence:

+ To bond with or build rapport among their peers
+ To give the appearance that they're "in the know" among their social circle
+ To vent frustrations or blow off steam

The big problem with being seduced into negative gossip is that it actually ends up having a boomerang effect on the one doing the gossiping!

This little-known psychological phenomenon is known as spontaneous trait transference, and it plays a powerful role in the way we unconsciously form impressions of other people.

Specifically, researchers have found that when someone attributes positive or negative traits to someone else, the listener will often attribute those same traits to the speaker. [1]

Moral of the story: Engaging in negative gossip means you also run the risk of having all of those negative traits you're gossiping about unconsciously linked with you! So follow mom's advice ... If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, keep your mouth shut.

Remember - Your Charismatic Ability is Not Really About You

Understand that charisma is 10% how you make people feel about you, and 90% how you make them feel about themselves.

When it comes to winning friends and influencing people, avoiding these six pervasive pitfalls will put you miles ahead of the game.

How To Get Over Rejection and Grow The Hell Up

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Mon, 2 Dec 2019 19:25:00 -0600

Let me tell you a story about Teflon Tony.

In the late nineties, my friends and I would frequent a club in downtown Chicago called 'The Drink.'

It was a big, loud, chaotic playground where you'd have to shout at the top of your lungs just to talk to the person standing right next to you.

But Tony didn't give a f*ck about any of that.

Amidst all the chaos, Tony was focused.

While the rest of us danced, cracked jokes and drank watered-down cocktails, Tony would be rampaging through the venue, looking for women to chat up.

Women who were alone, women who were congregated in a group, even women who were on the move that he'd have to physically stop in order to talk to, he had a singular focus.

Between his hyper-aggressive approach and the fact that he didn't exactly fit the mold of the ideal looking male, Tony experienced his fair share of rejection.

And by "fair share" I mean 99 out of 100 approaches would end with him being ignored, avoided or being told to drop dead.

That's a whole lot of rejection.

But here's the thing: it never seemed to bother the guy.

No kidding.

The dreadful experience that the rest of us would do everything in our power to avoid didn't even phase the guy.

Openly, my friends and I would laugh at him. But secretly, we all were envious.

Envious of how impervious he was to what anyone around him was thinking. Envious of how undeterred he was by the chaotic, unpredictable environment.

Envious of the fact that he didn't allow fear to control or dictate his behavior.

Most of all, we were envious of the fact that he was free.

In this article, you'll learn:

- The truth about rejection, why we fear it and what it costs us
- How to stop allowing the fear of rejection & social judgement control you
- The state of mind to adopt in order to end your enslavement
- Three steps to freeing yourself from the shackles of fear once and for all

TONY'S BIG SECRET

Back then, I would have paid handsomely to know Teflon Tony's big secret.

Why? Because it would have given me so much more in terms of options.

I'd be having, rather than wishing. Winning rather than settling. Choosing, rather than being chosen.

Fast forward 15 years to when I finally grew the hell up and figured it out.

Tony was an insurance salesman.

When he called a lead or a prospect and gave them a quote, he understood that the probability of the person dropping their existing policy and buying the one he was selling was directly proportional to the amount of money he'd be saving them.

And that's it. Their choice was solely based on what was in it for them.

If a prospect wasn't interested, Tony knew it was because they weren't saving enough money to justify the hassle.

And he didn't make it mean anything more than that. Because it didn't mean anything more than that.

This thing called rejection - whether from a lead or from a woman - had no power him because it didn't mean anything.

HEY SMART GUY, STOP ANALYZING SHIT THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING

When a woman told Tony to drop dead, he'd just move on to the next one.

Because it didn't mean anything.

If a woman suggested that he fuck off, he didn't tell a story about what it meant about him. Or how it meant that he was somehow insufficient.

Not. He just moved on to the girl standing right behind her.

Because it didn't mean anything.

So here's the big revelation: This thing called rejection only gets its power from the story you tell about what it means.

And guess what? It doesn't have to mean anything.

WELCOME TO THE VICIOUS CIRCLE

One concept that's central to the teachings of Werner Erhard (and subsequently The Landmark Forum) is the idea that human beings are continually conflating what actually happened in any given situation with their story about what happened. This explains why 10 people can witness the same incident and then give 10 different accounts about what happened.

Example:

What actually happened: Cindy left a voicemail saying she needed to cancel our plans for dinner.
My story about what happened: Cindy would obviously rather spend time with someone else because I'm a fucking loser that's not good enough.
Result: My self-esteem flatlines as I'm overwhelmed by the tidal wave of painful emotions being generated by the meaning I've assigned the situation.

Sound familiar?

What's truly insidious about this process is that it's so seamless that it effectively covers its own tracks. In other words, the fact that we can't separate what actually happened from the story we're telling ourselves is completely invisible to us. In the book 'Radical Honesty', Author Brad Blanton writes that 'Human beings have an infinite capacity for self-deception'.

It's a useful thing to notice.

THE THREE KEYS TO FREEDOM

Now let's talk about freedom. Here are the three specific keys to freedom - Wisdom I only wish I had I had access to in my twenties:

1. Stop giving it meaning. What gives rejection its power over you is 1. the meaning or story yu attach to it and 2. the instinct that all humans have to desire or chase that which they do not have.

Say to yourself, 'This situation doesn't mean anything. Move on to the next.'

Repeat this as many times as you have to in order to finally grow the hell up.

2. Stop personalizing it. In reality, rejection is about nothing more than the person or people you're relating to making the choice that they believe is best for them. Keep in mind that they're making that choice based on on the limited information that they have available.

Tell yourself, "Sorry, snowflake - you're not that important." Do this as many times as you have to in order to grow the hell up.

3. Let go of needing to control the outcome. The best way to do this is to adopt a fun, light-hearted learning frame. This is crucial because it's almost impossible for people to learn and improve when they're under pressure.

Tell yourself, "I give other people radical permission to have whatever response they have to me. I'm either going to get what I want or I'm going to learn and improve."

Do this as many times as you have to in order to grow the hell up.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Once you understand that rejection is 1. not personal, and 2. means nothing, it's easy to 3. free yourself from the anxiety of needing a certain outcome.

Ask yourself: What would your life look like if you gave yourself the freedom to make the world your social playground?

If you've found this knowledge to be valuable, please help me spread the word by sharing it with others.

Four Steps To Assertive Communication

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Thu, 26 Sep 2019 13:38:00 -0500

One of the things I'm most asked to coach executives in the work environment on is this - assertiveness.

And that's no accident.

Assertiveness is one of the most powerful (and most overlooked) distinctions when it comes to being a charismatic communicator.

In the boardroom, it's what distinguishes the respected executive whose ideas get heard from the guy whose ideas put people to sleep.

In the bedroom, assertiveness is what distinguishes a rock star lover from someone who ends up in the "doesn't really count" category. (You know exactly what I'm talking about ladies.)

Assertiveness: Genuine Power (instead of Force)

How great would it feel to finally let go of all that manipulative nonsense you used to have to resort to in order to get others on board with your goals, dreams and overall vision?

Would you believe me if I told you that transforming communication from the forceful and childish passive-aggressive type to the powerful and charismatic assertive type could be accomplished by following a simple 4 step method?

As always, I say don't take my word for it.

Listen to as I walk a young lady through the 4 steps of assertive communication in a live coaching scenario: (Press play)

RECAP: The Assertive Communication Model:

Being a powerful and Charismatic Communicator is all about being straight in your communication and taking what you get.

"I understand ..." - Communicate that you understand the other person's point of view.

"I feel ... " - Build powerful rapport by communicating your feelings in a manner which requires courage and vulnerability.

"I want ..." - Make powerful requests AND communicate how accommodating your request will benefit THEM.

"Is that okay?" - Communicate your desire to create a win-win outcome for all parties involved.

(I've used this communication model to save marriages!)

Set your intention. Make powerful requests. Accept the worst possible outcome. Let your intended audience know how your request will benefit them.

How To Stop Being Critical Of Others

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 02:45:00 -0500

Best-selling author and NLP master trainer Michael Stevenson was once quoted as saying:

"We tend to view people through one of two "filters" - compassion or judgement. One will drain you, the other will uplift you ... So choose wisely."

That quote has stuck with me over the years for one reason: It was my official wake-up call. Hello.

Could it be that being the the type of hyper-critical human being who achieves a twisted sense of self-righteousness by focusing on the short-comings of others was a thoroughly self-defeating strategy?

Could it also be that the same strategy could be screwing over anyone else who was living as unexamined a life as I was at the time?

(Read on for the very definitive answer ... )

Once I came to realize how much of a massive toll my habit of being critical and judgmental of others was costing me in terms of my potential and the quality of my life, I made a decision to do whatever it took to change my ways.

In this post, I will outline the 3 simple 'shifts' I made in my beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that literally caused a "180" turn around in the way I see - and more importantly - the way I experience the gift of life.

I strongly encourage you to put them to use in your life and watch your confidence, self-esteem and level of value grow.

1. Be Aware of What Being a Critical Person is Costing You

First and foremost, realize that the need to judge, complain, criticize and label other people is draining you energetically and taking a tremendous toll on your quality of life. Not only does being critical of others cost you valuable energy that you could be using to achieve, create, grow, expand and contribute, but it also robs you of having an enjoyable experience of life.

(See my article '6 Ways You're Killing Your Charisma' for more)

If being a person of influence and affluence means something to you - it's time to recognize just how much having a critical outlook is really costing you.

2. Would You Rather Be Right, Or Happy?

Some people are so blindly driven by their need to be 'right', that they can't see what a massive barrier it has become to their own happiness.

3 Vital Questions To Consider:

1. How do I feel when I am being critical of others? (It is important to this process that you clearly define the emotions you feel)

2. Are the feelings (emotions) I create when I criticize others empowering me or draining me?

3. Am I willing to let go of being right in exchange for being happy?

Remember this - The quality of our lives comes down to the quality of the emotions we feel on a regular basis.

3. Get Out Of Your Irrational, Emotional Mind and Gain an Objective View

Understand that most human beings are psychologically frail, emotional creatures. Their actions are motivated by only one thing - the desire to have their needs met.

That means that the emotionally-charged 'story' you've been telling yourself about how they could - or should - have done things better, or that their actions were a deliberate attempt to hurt, sabotage or damage you is fundamentally flawed and that such thinking is purely ego-driven.

Then remind yourself that you're better than that.

Top 10 Misconceptions About Women

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 12:15:00 -0500

Let's face it guys, ours is a lost generation of men. And with good reason.

The majority of us had fathers who traded time for dollars and were rarely around for us. For others, dad was checked out altogether.

Now factor in that at least half of us are children of divorce in a system that's heavily biased towards awarding custody to mothers, and the end result is an entire generation of emasculated men who were raised by women.

So, in an effort to do my part to restore the natural balance, I ask you to set aside any latent anger I may have just incited towards your parents and delight in my list of The Top 10 Misconceptions Men Have About Women.

#1. If I want to know what a woman wants in a man, I can just ask her! (AND ... insert loud buzzer noise here) - Wrong. The majority of women, when asked about what they're looking for in a man, will give you a typical laundry list of qualities. These usually run along the lines of "a nice guy", "someone who's sweet and funny", "someone who loves cats", etc ...

What this list really consists of is the surface-layer stuff that she thinks she wants. And while it's true that she does seek these qualities on a conscious level, it won't do you a bit of good because the fact is that women feel attraction largely on an unconscious level.

Take the whole "I just want a guy who's nice" example. Have you ever wondered why MMA fighters, cops, firemen, etc. get hot women (even the hideous ones?). Regardless of what women say they want, you need only take a look around you to see that the 'nice guy' will almost always lose out to the 'bad boy'.

The reason is simple: All women are hard-wired with the need to feel safe. And the chances that she's going to feel any measure of safety with the typical passive, people-pleasing 'nice guy' whose entire life is organized around avoiding confrontation are slim to none.

#2. Women are 'bitches' because they always look to push their boundaries, test guys and play tons of mind games. - A woman - especially a high-value woman - is perfectly within her right to test you to see if you're actually worthy of being with her. And the truth is, her tendency to push limits and test boundaries is also a function of her unconscious thought processes.

That means she's not deliberately trying to mess with you!

From an evolutionary standpoint, women are hard-wired to seek out a protector - one with qualities like confidence, strength and assertiveness (take note gentlemen - these qualities are the ones that actually build attraction). So when you establish a boundary in the beginning of a relationship and then let her slide when she breaks it, you've essentially failed her test and shown her that the only thing you're really worthy of being is a door mat. And rightfully so. Unlike the majority of men, women don't reward bad behavior.

#3. All men are shameless, sex-crazed, skirt chasing pigs and poor women have to put up with being hit on constantly. - (I actually wish I had a freakin' bull-horn for this one).

Do you know what genre of books consistently outsells every other? Romance novels. Yeah - those incredibly lame paperbacks with douchebags like Fabio on the cover. Who do you think reads all those books?

Here's a newsflash boys - women love and want sex every bit as much as men do. And if they didn't want to be hit on and romanced, they wouldn't have spent 4 hours putting on make-up or doing their hair and nails before going out on a Saturday night.

In reality, women are more than happy to be complicit in their own seduction, as long as you don't go about it in the same low-value way that most guys do.

Men who have problems communicating their interest to women are typically the types that are heavily attached to the mind-virus of judgement - often to the point of assigning them numbers on a subjective value scale. Of course, it doesn't do you much good to see her as an '8' when you see yourself as a '4'.

Allow me to clarify: You're the one with the problem.

#4. All women are money hungry gold-diggers! - This is a popular notion that guys often use to explain away their incompetence with women.

Again, if you'd have managed to stay awake during that otherwise useless college course on human evolution, you'd know that females have been hard-wired since the age of australopithecus to seek out a male who is a competent provider.

And while it may be hard for you to accept, this is far more a means of nature ensuring the survival of a species than it is a vindictive attack on your fragile ego.

#5. Since she wants a 'provider', I can impress her by talking about my job, family inheritance, BMW, social status, etc. These are all great ways to demonstrate the value she's looking for! - WRONG. When you first meet a woman (and actually want her to be attracted to you), your focus and attention should be placed on her, and only on her. That means you:

STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF.

... Ask her questions about what's important to her - THEN SHUT UP AND LISTEN.

If you can't shut your nervous yap long enough to catch the essential clues and insight she's offering you, then you deserve the disappearing act she's about to pull on you.

#6. When we go out on dates, she'll appreciate the fact that I give her options and ask her where she wants to go! - Translation - "I'm too much of a wussy to do my job as a man and take the lead, so I'll place that burden squarely on her, instead."

Unless she specifies a place or activity, do your duty as a man and take the lead for God's sake. The same concept applies in any instance where leading is appropriate. If you don't step up, you'll get stepped on.

#7. I don't want to scare her off by sexually escalating too quickly. She'll appreciate the fact that I'm taking it slow. - Here's another delightful excuse 'nice guys' use to justify their cowardice and refusal to lead and pace an interaction ... And they wonder why women get frustrated and lose interest.

Instead of attempting to read her mind, why not try paying attention instead? The majority of men are too tied up in their own need for approval to be aware of the obvious cues that women give them to escalate. Even worse, whenever any sexual tension is created, they ruin the moment by backing off instead of making a move.

The essential skill required to lead any interaction depends upon your ability to read the cues she's giving you. Unlike men (who often feel the need to analyze every situation to death), what she's looking for is spontaneity. So stop making decisions for her and start paying attention to what she wants.

#8. Since women want to be appreciated, she'll love the fact that I'm putting her on a pedestal! -This one deserves an entire article of its own because it is the absolute, number one mistake men make with women.

In fact, the tendency that modern, emasculated men have to 'hex' a woman by idealizing her doesn't just cause her to lose interest in you ... it completely repels her. If you make the mistake of forcing her to be the scapegoat for your low self-esteem, say goodbye to attraction for good.

#9. I blame women being shallow bitches for my low self esteem! - This guy is the type who's famous for saying things like "There's no sense in approaching a really hot girl. She's definitely out of my league" or "I'm in my 40's, younger women won't like me."

Look around buddy. Hot women everywhere have shacked up with fat guys, ugly guys, broke guys, etc. As for you being "too old" ... unless she's a 12 year-old Justin Beiber fan, she probably swoons over guys like Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Johnny Depp. Know what they have in common? They're all older than you are.

The men who still adhere to the ridiculous notion that women care about looks, money or any other surface layer nonsense are blind to the most wonderful thing about women ...They're not nearly as superficial as we are!

#10. I have to get her to like me before she'll find me attractive! - The majority of men who fail miserably with women do so for the same reason most people suck at sales - They're too cowardly to break rapport!

And just like the spineless salesman who is too scared to take a deal off the table, the agreeable man who won't challenge a woman or stand up for himself comes off as a weakling who is unworthy of her time.

Newsflash - You can't lose what you don't have! The handful of men who are successful with women know two things - 1. In the majority of cases, you will have to break rapport at some point in order to activate the masculine - feminine polarity at the very core of attraction, and 2. the essence of attraction amounts to little more than getting a woman to emotionally invest in the interaction.

Whether the emotion is positive or negative is irrelevant because attraction doesn't have a thing in the world to do with "liking" someone.

If you have found yourself falling victim to of any of these 10 socially-programmed misconceptions, you might want to stop using sitcoms with gay writers like Sex and The City as your guide to what women want or how a man should act - and hire a coach, instead.

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How To Free Yourself From Toxic Emotions

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Sun, 14 Jun 2015 14:36:00 -0500

It's not easy to deal with painful emotions head-on. But it's a key to good health and well-being physically, mentally and spiritually.

If we don’t deal with pain when it occurs, it will resurface as compounded emotional toxicity later on. If you don’t know how to deal with feelings of anger and fear, you're likely to turn them inward at yourself, believing, “It’s all my fault.”

That type of guilt depletes our physical, emotional and spiritual energy until any initiative or movement feels impossible.

We feel exhausted and paralyzed, leading to insomnia, hostility, anxiety and depression - all states of mind that will totally kill your charisma.

Toxic, turbulent emotions have one cause - not knowing how to deal with pain - and more specifically, not knowing how to let go of a sense of loss.

There's an old Zen proverb that says 'Let go or be dragged along'.

I believe that what it means is this: Pain is normal in life, but suffering isn’t.

And that when we don't learn how to deal with pain, we're destined to suffer.

SEVEN STEPS TO RELEASING PAINFUL EMOTIONS

You can learn how to recognize painful emotions right away and how to effectively "metabolize" and eliminate pain with this seven-step exercise:

1. Identify and locate the emotion physically
Set aside a few minutes when you won’t be disturbed. Sit comfortably and close your eyes. For a few minutes, just meditate in silence. Focus on your breathing. Now with eyes still closed, recall some circumstance in the recent past that was upsetting to you. It may be a time when you felt you were mistreated, an argument with your partner, or perhaps a past injustice at work.

Identify some instance where you felt emotionally upset. For the next 30 seconds, think in detail about that incident. Try to picture what actually happened as vividly as you can, as if you were reporting it for a newspaper. Here, you are the observer watching this event. You are not the event, argument or emotional upset; you are merely witnessing what is happening from the perspective of your silent self.

You are carrying the effect of the meditation you just did, allowing you to maintain a vantage point that is not overshadowed by the quality of the emotions. Now identify exactly what you are feeling.

Put some word on the incident that describes what you are experiencing. Be as precise as you can. Do you feel unappreciated? Insulted? Treated unfairly? Give the feeling a name. Come up with a word that epitomizes the painful experience. Focus your attention on that word.

2. Witness the experience
Gradually allow your attention to move away from the word. Let your attention wander into your body. Become aware of the physical sensations that arise in your body as a result of the emotion you’ve identified.

These two elements - an idea in the mind and a physical sensation in the body - are what an emotion truly is, and they can’t really be separated. This is why we call it a feeling - because we feel emotions in our bodies. Let your attention pass through your body as you’re recalling this experience.

Locate the sensations the memory brings up. For many it’s a pressure in the chest or a sensation of tightness in the gut. Some feel it as pressure in their throat. Find where it is in your body that you’re feeling and holding the emotional experience.

3. Express the emotion
Now express that feeling. Place your hand on the part of your body where you sense that the feeling is located. Say it out loud: “It hurts here.” If you’re aware of more than one location for the pain, move your hand from place to place.

At every location, pause for a moment and express what you’re feeling. Say, “It hurts here.” When you experience physical discomfort, it means that something is unbalanced in your experience - physically, mentally or spiritually. Your body knows it - every cell in your body knows it. Befriend these sensations and their wisdom, because the pain is actually leading you to wholeness.

Writing your feelings out on paper is also a valuable way to express the emotion. This is especially effective when you can write out your painful experience in the first person, in the second person and finally from the perspective of a third person account.

4. Take responsibility
Be aware that any painful feelings you experience are your feelings. These feelings are happening inside your body now as you remember the pain, even though nothing is actually taking place in the material world. You’re only remembering what happened, yet your body is reacting with muscle contractions, hormonal secretions and other responses within you.

Even when the painful incident was occurring in the material world, the effect was entirely within you. You have choice in how you interpret and respond to emotional turbulence. Recognizing this is taking responsibility for your feelings. This doesn’t mean you feel guilty. Instead, it means you recognize your ability to respond to painful situations in new and creative ways.

By taking responsibility for your feelings, you can also gain the power to make the pain melt away. You’re no longer blaming anyone else for having caused the pain, so you no longer have to depend on anyone else to make it go away. Hold that understanding in your consciousness for the next few moments.

5. Release the emotion
Place your attention on the part of your body where you’re holding the pain, and with every exhalation of your breath, have an intention of releasing that tension. For the next 30 seconds, just feel the painful sensation leaving your body with every breath.

Some people find that making an audible tone that resonates in that part of your body where the pain is localized helps to loosen and lift the contraction away. You can also experiment to discover what works best for you.

For some people, singing or dancing does the trick. You may try deep breathing, using essential oils, or taking a long warm bath. Finally, if you have written out your emotions on paper, it can be helpful to ritually burn the paper and offer the ashes to the winds.

6. Share the outcome
Sharing the outcome of releasing your pain is important because it activates the new pattern of behavior after the old painful pattern is released. Imagine that you could speak to the person who was involved in that original painful incident.

What would you say to that person now? Bear in mind that he/she was not the real cause of your pain. The real cause was your response. In your transformed state, you are now free. So you can share what happened without blame, manipulation or seeking approval.

Perhaps they intended to cause you pain, and you may have unwittingly collaborated in that intention. Maybe you would like to say you no longer intend to fall into such traps. Whatever you say is totally up to you. As long as you have an awareness of the steps we’ve taken so far in this exercise, whatever you say will be right for you.

7. Celebrate the process
Now you can celebrate the painful experience that had taken place as the valuable material that helped you move to a higher level of consciousness. What was previously a disconnected, destructive and disabled part of your psyche is now integrated and contributing its power toward your greater spiritual goal.

Instead of responding to the situation with a pain reflex, perpetuating the problem, you’ve turned it into an opportunity for spiritual transformation. Now that is something to celebrate! Go out for a nice dinner or buy yourself some flowers or a present to honor the new you.

Use this exercise whenever you feel upset, to free yourself from emotional turbulence and the underlying pain.

Remember that choosing to suffer is an act of insanity, and no one is consciously insane. When you do that, you'll find that opportunities will begin to materialize in every area of your life.

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How To Stop Caring What People Think

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Tue, 2 Jun 2015 15:06:00 -0500

Back in January, author Mark Manson wrote a delightful article - probably my favorite of his so far.

It was aptly titled "THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*CK".

It started with this paragraph:

"In my life, I have given a f*ck about many people and many things. I have also not given a f*ck about many people and many things. And those f*cks I have not given have made all the difference."

Now look, there are literally a thousand blog posts out there that cover this topic.

As well there should be.

Because this whole "caring way too much what other people think" bullsh*t has frozen more talented people in their tracks than anything else I can possibly imagine.

Worse yet, this whole addiction to what people think is completely toxic to your magnetic potential. I mean it literally murders your ability to be a charismatic and influential individual.

Let me say that again: There is absolutely NO WAY IN HELL you can be charismatic, influential or respected when you're so inwardly-focused and obsessed with how other people see you that you haven't got so much as an ounce of present-moment awareness to offer anyone else.

(And if you've read my other articles on maximizing your magnetic potential, you know that presence and outward focus are THE most essential qualities of a charismatic individual).

So how do we get over this exhausting nonsense that's costing us our freedom, joy, aliveness and ability to truly enjoy life?

Here are three simple mindsets that will help you break the chains of slavery for good. Right here, right now.

MINDSET 1. You accept the reality that whether you're the loser who sits on his ass playing X-Box 360 all day long, or you end up winning the Nobel Peace Prize for curing cancer - you're going to be criticized anyhow.

I am sorry, but there is just no way around it.

Human beings are far too fallible, emotionally fragile and unconsciously habitual to NOT criticize every Tom, Dick and Harry on the planet - even when doing so makes them feel cheap and dirty for their trouble.

That's simple human nature.

So it's best to get over any fantasy you might have conjured up once upon a time about somehow being able to make it through life without being judged - Especially if you plan on doing something with your life that actually makes a difference.

Brené Brown put it like this: "If you intend to accomplish anything of value in this lifetime, you had better be ready to have your ass kicked. Because the critics are going to literally be coming out of the woodwork to attack you."

Of course, if what you're trying to accomplish really matters to you, there's a high probability that you won't give much of a f*ck what anyone has to say about it, anyway.

MINDSET 2: You recognize that the vast majority of people who are hurling insults and criticism at you are just giving you a glimpse of their own inner world - like what's really going on with them.

(Don't worry - I'm not going to launch into a Jungian rant here on the phenomenon of psychological projection, mainly because the people who read my articles are damn well educated enough to know exactly what I'm talking about here).

If you do happen to need a quick refresher course on how little other people's words, actions and beliefs actually have to do with you, pick up Don Miguel Ruiz's book 'The Four Agreements' and let's call it a day.

MINDSET 3: You realize that if no one is attacking or criticizing you, then you've probably got a hell of a lot in common with the X-Box junkie I mentioned earlier ....

In other words, it's probably time for you to get a f*cking life and start making something happen for yourself already.

And I also mean to advise you to f*ck playing it safe. That means you PLAY FULL OUT and throw your fear of "offending" anyone right out the f*cking window.

Like Sally Hogshead wrote in her book 'Fascinate', "If you’re not generating a negative response from someone, then you’re probably not fascinating to anyone."

Massive 'Ah-ha' moment in progress - Wait for it ...

Years ago, I built my entire nightlife company on that single premise. See, I noticed something crazy and paradoxical about the way human beings operate ....

The less you gave a f*ck about what they thought of you, the more likely they were to actually like and respect you.

And that's exactly why the addiction to what people think is so completely insane. It's a thoroughly self-defeating strategy.

Because for every ounce of effort you put into gaining validation, acceptance and approval, you actually end up losing ground with the same people you're trying to win over in the first place!

So look ... It's crazy.

It's exhausting. It drains your self esteem and self respect. And you know it.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it like this: "Do in your heart what you know to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway."

I love you guys,

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How to Handle Difficult People Like a Boss

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Sun, 3 May 2015 15:10:00 -0500

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.” - Dale Carnegie

Do you have someone in your life that drives you completely insane?

Up the freakin' wall?

How about those people who are emotional rag dolls - up one minute and down the next? Those walking yo-yo's who love you one day and then hate you the next?

Or the drama queens of the world who can't stop gossiping about you (and everyone else they know) behind your back for more than 5 minutes at a time? Have you ever met someone who always seems to find a way to be negative no matter what the situation?

These types of people can be an ongoing challenge - even for someone trained in dealing with difficult people (trust me on that one).

And guess what?

Unless we make it an automatic habit to shift our focus to the positive aspects of everything we encounter in life - whether it be a person, place or thing - it'll actually be the people we dislike the most who will be controlling us!

This is exactly why we must take 100% responsibility for everything we experience in life.

That includes taking responsibility for the emotions we experience ... because our emotions are ours and ours alone - and the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our experiences.

If you want to truly be the only one in control of your life, you must master these three things:

- What you choose to focus on.
- What that means to you.
- How it makes you feel.

Here's a simple exercise to get you started on taking control of every experience you have in life. In this exercise, we'll use a simple strategy from NLP called a 'reframe' to literally change our experience of a person - and specifically, how to deal with difficult people like a pro.

1. Think of someone you've had problems getting along with in the past.
2. Write down the things about them that you've been paying attention to.
3. Note the extent to which they meet your expectations - or the extent to which they don't.
4. Now pay attention to how you experience this in your body by just thinking about them.
5. Ask yourself if there's one quality that you can find about this person that - if you were to really think about - you can either appreciate or admire.

(I know, I know - this might take a while. But you're a highly intelligent and resourceful person ... so you can do it).

Got it? Excellent. Now, note the following:

What happens when you change what you pay attention to?

Does shifting your focus away from what you don't like about that person and towards something you actually admire or appreciate about them change the way you feel?

In fact, does it change your entire experience? You bet your ass it does.

Who's in control now, baby? You are.

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How To Stop Emotional Eating

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Sun, 5 Oct 2014 15:40:00 -0500

Eating is more than something we do to nourish our bodies with vital nutrients. It's also an activity we do out of habit, like nail biting, hair twirling, or finger tapping.

And sometimes, we habitually turn to food in response to certain emotions.

Whether you feel angry, sad, bored - even excited - food can act as a buffer against these emotions, something 82 percent of us know all too well.

Emotional eaters have learned to "stuff down" their feelings with food - The fleeting "high" that comes from food blocks the pain or discomfort of negative emotions.

Although we know better; that knowledge isn't enough to stop what often feels like an addiction to food and an unhealthy association to eating.

So where do you start if you want to stop eating emotionally? It may be cliché, but the first step is awareness.

In this simple 3 step method below, I'll outline the exact process I've use to free several dozen of my clients from their compulsive habit of over-eating.

NOTE: While the resources (action exercises) I've included here are incredibly effective, I always have my coaching clients keep a journal to maximize the tracking and measuring of progress towards replacing their negative habits enroute to designing their ideal lifestyle. I strongly suggest you do the same!

STEP 1. - AWARENESS: IDENTIFY THE EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS

While emotional eaters soothe themselves with food to avoid feeling and examining uncomfortable emotions, that gratification is temporary - and still painful, just like the emotions they're trying to avoid feeling.

But if we learn to recognize the emotional triggers that lead to binging or compulsive eating we can also learn to stop emotional eating before it starts by consciously creating healthier ways to deal with our feelings.

STEP 2. - PLAN AHEAD: REMOVE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE

Much of emotional eating is so unconscious that it happens automatically or below your awareness, so the best way to stop compulsive or emotional over-eating is to remove the element of surprise that unhealthy cravings use to "get you".

1. Use this meal planner to plan out your healthy meals a week in advance.

2. Print this out, put it on your fridge as a constant reminder that your inner Goddess is in full control!

STEP 3. - REPLACE: CREATE HEALTHY ALTERNATIVES

Stop Compulsive/Emotional Over-eating, Part 3: Create Healthy Alternatives to stay a step ahead of sudden cravings. A Goddess knows that she doesn't "break" or "get rid of" negative habits ... she transforms and replaces them by consciously and deliberately redirecting the frenetic energy (emotional overwhelm) that fuels compulsive behavior into the healthy habits that support her highest self.

There are many ways to calm yourself without calories, and in our next MG preview, we'll be filling your day planner with all the fun stuff you used to love (activities, hobbies, spa days and massages) to make pampering your senses the fun and guilt-free pleasure it should be!

Remember: The best way to stop compulsive and emotional eating is to stop it before it starts! Using our proven 3 step method along with the free resources above will help you end the habit of emotional eating .

Get more: Hit the like/recommend button & leave a comment below to get notified when we post more free Modern Goddess previews and resources.

Resources for this video:

1. IDENTIFY EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS (right click to download)

2. PLAN YOUR HEALTHY MEALS FOR THE WEEK AHEAD (right click to download)

3. REPLACE OLD HABITS WITH HEALTHY ALTERNATIVES (right click to download)

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What's your experience been with emotional eating? Add your wisdom in the comment box below, and remember to share this resource if you found it helpful.

The 5 Epic Ways Men Fail With Women

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Wed, 1 Oct 2014 22:55:00 -0500

One of the more enjoyable aspects of working in the bar/nightclub industry was all the nightly comedic entertainment you were sure to be exposed to.

I kid you not, along with perks like free limo rides, endless bar tabs and a steady stream of attractive and available women, came some unparalleled entertainment in the form of totally clueless guys who seemed to count being constantly rejected as one of their favorite hobbies.

I'd like to return the favor to those 'gentlemen' who so graciously sacrificed themselves (and their self-esteem) by offering this short accounting of their top 5 follies with women. It is only through their self sacrifice that the rest of us might learn what not to do when trying to create attraction with women.

Without further ado, here are the top 5 ways guys ruin attraction with women:

1. Being too aggressive: I used to love watching these guys get blown out. They're the type that go from zero to 100 the moment they get an IOI (indicator of interest). If you're one of these guys, here's a clue - women are attracted to a man who is assertive. Aggression on the other hand repels women.

Aggressive behavior - coming on way too strong - smacks of anger issues and a guy who is not in control of his life.

Being assertive is knowing what you want, and then relentlessly going after at. Being aggressive is trying way too hard to get it, and looking desperate in the process.

It would behoove you to understand the difference.

2. Being too available: As a sales professional, I learned early on that scarcity is one of the strongest triggers when it comes to getting someone to bypass their usual "analysis paralysis" and take action.

It's rather difficult to create a sense of urgency with a woman when you're far too accessible to her ... and it's amazing how disinterested women can be when they see you as being a readily available commodity.

It's also pretty amazing how decisive they suddenly become when they know being "wishy-washy" with you means another woman is likely to come along and snatch you up at moment's notice.

So stop posting hourly Facebook updates and texting or calling her every 3 hours. This is usually a great indicator that you've got nothing else going on, and a clear message that she should continue shopping for a high-value man that actually has options.

3. Bringing up past relationships: It's unreal how many guys blow it almost immediately with this one. Your past relationships are over for a reason. Hearing about how badly your ex traumatized you is not going to win you any points.

Neither will being negative or pessimistic about your past, so check your baggage at the door and try focusing on something that is actually important to her, like creating a compelling vision of the future she'll have with you.

Believe it or not, she'll appreciate you being one of the few guys who are actually capable of being fully present with her in the moment.

4. Showering her with gifts: This is something I hear guys trying to justify all the time. Even the girls you think are clueless, naive or flat-out dumb are intuitive enough to see this type of behavior for what it is - a shameless bribe that screams "I'm unworthy, but here - take these gifts as compensation for my shortcomings."

Pull yourself together and save the supplication for your mommy. She will invariably sense your lame motives (and your low self-esteem), lose any interest and attraction she might have previously had, and you'll either be consigned to the back-burner or get locked up in the "friend zone" (where guys like this belong).

Gifts will be much more appropriate once they're being given without a hidden agenda.

5. Being totally clueless about women: The years I spent working in the bar scene taught me one thing ... most guys are totally clueless when it comes to women, and more specifically, what women care about. It was usually the DJ (no matter how ugly he happened to be) that got the most women.

Why? Because he was constantly stirring up strong emotions in women with the music he played.

Ever been in a club and heard a horde of women let out a collective scream of ecstasy because a certain song came on?

Conversely, have you ever heard a horde of guys do the same thing? (If so, you were probably at a gay club).

Women are emotional creatures - the men who realize this are the ones who consistently create emotional reactions in women and then build massive attraction with them. The ones who don't will spend two hours primping in front of the mirror and change their outfit 15 or 20 times before going out. These clueless chumps are the ones you always hear asking "what does she see in that loser?"

She doesn't see anything. She feels his value ... ( just like she feels your lack thereof ).

Get with the program, check your anger issues at the door, and stop believing the brainwashing you've been force-fed by society since you stopped sucking your thumb. If you want to go from Average Frustrated Chump to Always Building Attraction, you'll learn from the folly of your fellow men and shift the way you think.

As the old saying goes, 'Keep doing what you've been doing, keep getting what you've been getting.'

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Why Do Women Leave Good Men?

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 20:17:00 -0500

This comment was left by a gentleman in response to a video I'd posted on my YouTube channel. The original video along with this and other comments can be found here. Notice whether or not you find that his story and perspective resonate with you.

"(Pete), I was recently married for barely 4 months. We got married and I thought this woman was everything I wanted and more. I had no idea she felt uncomfortable about getting married. She never told me, and when I asked several times if this is what she wanted, she simply said YES. I gave up my job, my car, my home, my entire life in the USA to be with her in Switzerland.

I sacrificed much of my own independent life to make this move with her. Everything seemed to be going well, so i thought.. Until one day she came to me and told me the truth about how she felt about me and our marriage. I was "too soft" of a guy.. I never did find out what she meant by me being "weak", but to me i thought the same about her...

She gave up on our marriage and refused to talk it out. She made me move back to america knowing that I had nothing to go back to. She was not ready to be committed yet, I had wasted my time and I had trusted her word that she wanted this. Turned out I was wrong... I never did find out what I did wrong or why this decision came so sudden...I tried and her only reply was that "I wouldn't understand"...

Some men are afraid to talk to women, simply because of how they rejected and perceived. Sometimes it's a total embarrassment and humiliation. men sometimes feel they can't stand up to the woman who is walking all over them, because maybe that woman doesn't listen very well to what the man has to say and when he tries to talk about it, he gets shot down.. I think both sexes can be weak.. not just men... It shows in my story I told you. I showed my wife the courage and commitment to her, through ANYTHING, and she gave that up because she perceived me as "weak"...

Today i have to start over in my life and move past that kind of comment. because what did she know? She refused to listen when I was being the strength of the relationship. I'm sorry but I can't agree 100% with these videos depicting why women can't stand weak men. I think weakness is just as you said, lack of courage and being too scared to do anything.. But we still get called weak when we do stand up... Don't we?"

Emanuelle, thank you for having the courage to share your story. Now here comes some nasty medicine that I'm offering you from a place of love ...

Your ex perceived you as weak because you were being weak.

The truth - as painful as this might be to confront - is that your actions actually left her no choice but to leave you. I'm very sorry that you had to learn such a lesson the hard way. But knowing where you went wrong and taking responsibility (in other words, giving up acting like you were a powerless victim in this situation) will save you from making this kind of painful error in the future.

When a man makes the terrible mistake of abandoning himself to chase after a woman - and moreover, frames it like he's "sacrificing" for her benefit, that basic vibration of inauthenticity communicates one thing loud and clear .... she can't trust you.

And if you allow yourself to be seduced into blaming her, you'll be giving away all of your power to change your future outcomes.

Remember that the only way to reclaim our power in any situation where we've given it away is by taking full responsibility - both for the part we played in the situation and for the inauthentic way we showed up in life.

As always, let me know if you require any further guidance. My entire purpose for being here is to assist you in reconnecting with your most powerful, authentic and charismatic self.

Contact me by email send me a message on my contact page.

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George Clooney's Ageless Charm Uncovered

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Tue, 8 Jul 2014 19:44:00 -0500

It's the burning question on pretty much every man's mind: What on earth do women really want?

Perhaps the most frustrating part of figuring it out is this ... if you ask the women in your life outright, you're likely to end up becoming even more dazed and confused than you were before!

Because guess what? Most women don't know.

Not consciously anyway. But when I communicate with women, I don't communicate with their conscious minds ... Why? Because that's like complaining about your sky-high cell phone bill to the first person who answers when you call customer service.

You're not going to get anywhere because the person you're speaking to probably doesn't have the authority to do anything about it.

Figuring It Out: My Experiment

Having decided that I needed to bridge the gap between what women say they want and what they really want, I gathered a spreadsheet of phone numbers of 34 women I'd coached over the past year and started dialing ... here's what happened:

After asking a stair-step series of questions, all thirty four women came to the same conclusion about what they really want. All 34 had settled on a slightly different version of the same ideal ... an emotionally mature man.

And get this: Knowing that women are very visually-driven in their thinking, I asked them "Who do you picture when I say the phrase emotional maturity?"

3 out of 4 (25 out of the 34) said that it's George Clooney that immediately comes to mind. The number 2 answer was this: Their Dads!

Now I'm sure that most guys who read this will have a question of their own: what the hell does all of this even mean?

It means that being a competent provider isn't enough.

It makes perfect sense and explains exactly why men who are emotionally reactive consistently fail with women. Women want to know that you've matured into the kind of man that's figured life out.

Most women I've encountered usually phrase it like this: "Having your sh*t together".

'The calmest person in the room is the most powerful person in the room.' - @ebenpagan #Charisma pic.twitter.com/G5mSDcxEWV
— Pete Sapper (@PeteSapper) August 11, 2014

Here's what that means for the handful of men who actually care about effectively relating to women and being successful in their relationships: Make mastering your emotional state as important as mastering your finances. If you can't be the rock in her stormy sea, you're skirting your masculine responsibility. Plain and simple.

So here's my question for YOU: Do YOU agree with the conclusion that the women I polled came to about emotional maturity being the most attractive quality in a man? Add your insights on this subject in the comment box below because guess what ... Men really (and I mean really) want to know!

And ladies: for extra credit, tell us who comes to mind for YOU when you think about an emotionally mature man?

3 Keys To Being The Man Women Love

noreply@blogger.com (PETESAPPER.COM) — Sun, 9 Mar 2014 03:36:00 -0500

What if showing the woman in your life that us guys are not all the same was as easy as doing the simple things that other guys lack the standards to bother with?

In fact, what if dramatically "leveling up" your success with women was really as easy as "1,2,3 ... Look at me - I suddenly have zero competition"?

Well in this post, I intend to prove that becoming the kind of man that women love (and will probably toss their BFF under a bus for) - is as easy as making three simple "shifts" in your current paradigm of relating to women.

So without further ado, here are the 3 simple shifts that will transform the Average Frustrated Chump into the High Value Man That Women Love.

Key #1. Listen to Her By Hearing What is Meant - NOT What is Said:

Please note: When I say "LISTEN", what I really mean is this: Go beyond listening. Go so far as to ask her questions about how the situation she's experiencing makes her feel, and then try to genuinely experience those feelings yourself (this skillset is known as empathy, and it is by far the most underrated and underdeveloped skill set of modern men).

Doing this alone, you'll be giving her what 97% of the other men she's ever known have never been able to.

Because there is absolutely no better way to make a woman feel that you are her rock - her emotional shelter - than showing her that you understand how she feels, that you fully appreciate her feelings as being 100% valid, and - most importantly - that in the midst of her moments of emotional overwhelm ... everything is going to be okay.

At this point, I'm sure you're thinking, "But wait a second Pete - women speak in some bullsh*t code that only other women understand!" And you're right. That's why you need to STOP LISTENING TO WHAT WOMEN SAY.

Do NOT fall into the common trap of being the addicted "rescuer".

She doesn't need "rescuing". What she requires is your presence. Contrary to popular opinion, when a woman vents to you, gets over-emotional, complains about her family, friends or co-workers, she's NOT looking for you to 'FIX her problems'.

If you want to differentiate yourself from 'the lower 97%' - you'll STOP GETTING CAUGHT UP IN THE 'CONTENT' YOU ARE BEING PRESENTED and avoid becoming the stereotypical buffoon who believes his manhood is rooted in fixing problems that don't actually exist.

Now listen closely, because I'm about to give you the single most powerful magic phrase that one can possibly use in a relationship - especially when your partner presents you with a problem or complaint about what's happening in their lives.

The magic phrase is "How Can I Help?"

At this point, a charismatic communicator knows it's time to do two things: 1. Shut up and Listen, and 2. Reply with this second magic phrase: "So if I understand you correctly, you're saying that ..." and simply repeat back the most important parts of what she just shared with you.

The essential elements here are to stay present and communicate to her that you're not just listening, but that what she's saying is actually important to you. No "fixing" or rescuing required.

If you want your woman to feel loved and appreciated (something most men try to buy their way out of), have the emotional intelligence to realize that what she really wants is to be hear and understood - and also to feel safe in the process.

Key #2. Stop Communicating and Start Connecting:

Ask 10 women what's most important to them in a relationship and 9 of them are almost certain to say "communication". Well my friends, if you're smart enough to understand the meaning of being High Value, you'll go beyond the level of "communicating" that lands half of marriages in divorce court and aspire to start connecting, instead.

Connecting? WTF does that even mean?

Here's what it means: It means she feels safe enough to share her most intimate feelings with you without being judged ('Cause guess what guys ... That's what she really wants).

Why don't most women feel comfortable sharing their fears and insecurities or their dreams and ambitions with the man in their life? Simple - because most men idealize and hex their women with ridiculous expectations of how or what she should be, think or do.

If you can give a woman the security and peace of mind of knowing that she can be herself - your equal partner who's allowed to be just as flawed and prone to foolishness as you are, you'll have acheived the level of genuine trust that most couples think is a childish fantasy.

How does a couple build the kind of trust that defines the kind of lasting relationships your grandparents had? Simple - they stop "communicating" and start connecting. And if you happen to be the man in the relationship (and you actually want it to succeed), then it's your responsibility to lead the relationship in this direction.

Key #3. Always Be 100% Honest, Straightforward and Outright With Women:

Here's another tiny shift that yields HUGE results. Most men who are completely clueless about how vastly different women are psychologically and emotionally tend to underestimate them in the worst way possible - with lies, lies and more lies.

In lieu of outright lying, most guys will exaggerate (typically regarding themselves or their accomplishments), minimize (typically regarding their mistakes or personal failures) or - worst of all - they'll cry, bitch, moan, complain, criticize and blame anyone but themselves for anything that goes wrong in their lives (and especially in their relationships).

Want a surefire way to be a desirable woman's clear choice 100% of the time?

Try doing the exact opposite of what most men do: Pretty much anything and everything outside of accepting 100% personal responsibility for EVERYTHING they create or co-create in their lives.

A High Value Woman is never (ever) going to give you the two most important things a man could endeavor to elicit from a her - #1) Her respect, and #2) Her trust - if she senses that you're just another shameless fraud who's looking to derive, extract, take or only give with the expectation of getting in a relationship.

If you want to know why "nice guys finish last", look no further than the low-value and approval-seeking means in which they often relate to women. Lies, hidden agendas and telling women what they want to hear will always land a guy in last place (exactly where he belongs) with the kind of emotionally mature, desirable woman who has far too many options to consider settling.

There's Never a Traffic Jam On The Road Less Traveled

In closing, I'll simply ask that you review the 3 aforementioned qualities that desirable women consistently look for in a quality man and realize that becoming the High Value Man That Women Love is as easy as exploiting the mediocrity of those men who refuse to embrace the masculine responsibility that comes with being an emotionally mature, independent-minded and highly desirable man.

Be sure to share this content with someone you know who deserves to "level up" their success with women, dating and inter-personal relationships, because these three shifts will not only skyrocket your success with women, they'll take you to another level in every area of your life - guaranteed.

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