the writings of a young mama ♥

Hmm.. The end of a blog.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 14:54:00 +0000

So it's been over a month since I've last posted. I think it's safe to say I'm going to be on hiatus for an undetermined amount of time. I can't keep up with life and blogging simultaneously, especially with the editing of photos and whatever else that comes with having a blog. It's been more of a hassle than a release, and that's how I know it's time to take a break. I have been doing a lot more personal writing (on paper), and that's been a nice change. I'm going through a time in my life where maybe I have been sharing too much, and now is the time to keep things closer to myself than with the rest of the world. Things have happened and I don't feel as comfortable as I once did sharing the details of day to day activities. Not only that, but things haven't exactly been a dream to blog about either. Ill pop into the blog periodically and post when I feel the need. I'm considering starting up my photography side work again; I can be reached by email for inquiries regarding anything- Sparkleee@msn.com. I still have a Facebook, and also have an Instagram you can follow along with: Shaynaav. I'm kind of sad to be doing this, but who knows, I could get a stroke of genius in a month or two and turn this blog into exactly how I've imagined it, complete with timely updates haha.

Thank you to everyone who's ever read this blog, it was a truly interesting 2 years of writing. I've grown a lot in many ways and appreciate all of you who's stopped by to get a peak into my and Ari's life. Xoxoxoxo

It's the little things.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:43:00 +0000

I'm trying to get everything organized to get this blog going the right way for 2013, so stay tuned! Thanksgiving photos coming soon (albeit a little late) haha hang in there guys! Xoxoxo

November is the best.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 22:02:00 +0000

I truly believe November has become my lucky month. I haven't been slacking on purpose, I swear. Let me explain in brief, considering I have massive amounts of photos to share!

Thanksgiving was going to be a typical holiday. My parents wanted to celebrate on the following sunday, so instead of the traditional feast we had a roast, among many other yummy foods. All of us were just hanging in the living room, when I heard a loud truck. Not thinking anything of it, I assumed it was some type of delivery driver. My sister Veronica screamed and ran outside- I look quizzically at my mom, thinking she was just getting a package or something. Until she said, "go outside and see your sister". I stand there, perplexed for a minute, still not grasping the situation. She said it again, "go out, and see your sister!" and then it hit me. ALY AND RYAN WERE HOME. I immediately starting bawling my eyes out and walked outside to see my very pregnant little sister and my brother in law. I probably didn't let go of her for five minutes, sobbing uncontrollably for whatever reason. I had missed them so much. Ari was so excited to see her aunt and uncle! The past few days in my house has been all about "auntie Aly and baby Maia". :D It makes me so happy to have my sister close to me again. The best holiday ever.

Friday, was my babys third birthday! Where has the time gone? I could be one of those mothers, sentimental that Ari is no longer a baby, but that's not me. I'm happy she's growing- growing into an amazing, intelligent, sweet and beautiful girl. She's so witty and says things I would have never thought her to understand at this age. She loves animals so much, especially kittens. Reading books and playing dress up are her favorite things. She always wants to be the princess, and at home, she definitely is. We've been dealing with temper tantrums lately- big blowouts that end up with me taking a time-out in my room (instead of her!) because I can't take the screaming, and because usually, she's upset over absolutely nothing. I pray this isn't what the teenage years are going to be like...

I also, somewhat warily, upgraded from a blackberry to an iPhone. I definitely do not regret it. I'm actually writing right now from the blogger app because my Internet is out right now lol. But yeah, I'm totally addicted. My favorite apps so far are obviously Instagram (shaynaav), cinemagram, and foodspotting. Okcupid is pretty fun if you're not serious haha.

So I've pretty much just been laying low, I'm hoping to get some photos edited and up this weekend. Now that I know I can do everything with this phone, expect more frequent updates until I find a new service provider.

Xoxo

On: Being Busy!

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 19:42:00 +0000

It's been all "go, go, go" and not enough time to slow down. My fatigue finally gave way and I've been trying to get in as much as possible before it surely returns.

On friday, a wonderful friend took my car while I was at work, left me his, and I arrived at his house to mine working perfectly! I am so thrilled I'm not going to have to sell the Volkswagen. We have been through a lot, that car and I. Most major decisions of my life, too. Up and down the entire East Coast, Maine to Florida. I'm getting all sentimental now, but really, the GTI has been hangin' in there with me better than any guy I've ever dated ;]

This weekend was a good one! Of course spent with great friends, having some drinks in Providence and lots of laughs. I've been having the best mornings too, it's so nice.

Monday night, Ari was with her dad, so I headed to Providence once more. My friend Paul and I decided to meet up for drinks and to see a French film at the Cable Car Cinema, a small little theater downtown. We went to Centro to visit one of our friends, and then headed to the XO Cafe, the cutest little place. If you're looking for somewhere to go for drinks, and want an intimate but somewhat vintage experience, definitely try that place out. They even serve complimentary homemade potato crisps- amazing! After finishing our drinks {Whiskey + Amaretto Sours = love} we headed down the street to the film. Holy Motors is a film apparently about a man travelling through different lives. It was in French, and although with subtitles, very easy to follow. The plot was a lot more confusing. If you can view this film, do it! You will not be disappointed. When it finished, we of course stopped at Muldowney's and for a monday night, it was surprisingly packed. I didn't stay too long, but overall it was an awesome night!

I've been going wild at home- cleaning everything I can, organizing, whatever I can do before I burn myself out. Last night alone, I did mostly all of the dishes, seven loads of laundry, brought to the recycling about a months worth of cardboard and bottles. I'm feeling accomplished and it's a nice change, haha.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It came so fast. I can't say I'm a big fan of the holidays... too many people crammed together making small talk, is not really something I enjoy. I am, however, looking forward to having the day off and spending my morning with Ari, as they are few and far between. I can't wait to let her wake up on her own time and cook her breakfast! We're doing something small this year, as things have been kind of hectic in my immediate family. Friday is the real special day, though- A will be three years old! Time has flown, and it makes me so sad; I miss baby Ari. At the same time, it's an amazing thing to see what an awesome little girl she is and is turning out to be.

Tonight, Lorena and I are taking our little girls bowling- Ari's first time! It's going to be the cutest thing to see. Photo update soon!

OH, and I am still committed to NaBloPoMo, I just needed a tiny vaca, haha.

Xoxo

You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful....

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 12:35:00 +0000

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one
who lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

{via Warsan in Wonderland}

Random Relationship Ramblings...

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 11:00:00 +0000

Aah... It drives me completely crazy to read entries from this past year, and see how embarrassingly blind I was toward my relationship situation. Like, really girl? The signs were all there from the beginning, and then some. I allowed myself to be treated like less of a person.. as if my feelings and thoughts didn't measure up, and therefore didn't matter. I accepted it, and once I did, everything started to crumble.

I made mistakes. I gave up a lot for this person. Friendships, a somewhat relationship, time, etc. And I can honestly, positively say it wasn't a waste. I've learned SO much. I've come to terms with everything on my own time, and I feel lighter. I feel happy. Sure, being alone is hard, but now that I'm where I am, I'd rather be alone and happy than miserable and together. {Can I even really say I'm 'alone'?}

The most important things I've learned:

1. Make time for YOU. Sure, you may want spend all your time with your lover and that's great, but don't do it. Go out with your friends, read a book, take a drive- whatever. Just make sure you have solo time. It's seriously important to your psyche and relationship.

2. Don't be second best. If a guy doesn't know what he wants/needs more time/has a lot going on... just leave it. 99% of the time it's just fuckery, and he wants you without having to totally commit. Again, don't do it. If someone wants to be with you, they'll make it happen!

3. Liars lie. Fact. If they lie about something that doesn't even matter in the big scheme of things, run. Don't even walk. Dealing with liars is a world full of pain, especially if you've been faithful and honest. You'll try to convince yourself that you're just in your own head... YOU'RE NOT. Don't let sweet talking fool you, either. Sure he's sorry and he loves you "so much", but if there are no actions to the words, throw the fish back into the ocean and don't think twice.

4. Take a step back. I am hypersensitive to most social/romantic situations, and when I'm going through emotions, especially stress related, it's really hard for me to just think. I'm often very irrational, and that tends to make things worse. Remove yourself from the situation for as long as you need to get your mind back to a relaxed state, whether it be hours or weeks. It's not easy, but it's necessary. Give yourself time to just be. You'll feel much better heading back into the situation {if you so choose!} if you have a calm heart and a clear head. {I will do a post on hypersensitivity one of these days, because of how misunderstood it is.}

5. I write hate lists. This may be totally immature, but whatever. It works. I basically write down about the offending party every shitty quality they have and situations where they've fucked me over. Get sad? Trying to justify things in your mind? Refer to your hate list. Instant reality! {I only pull this out for the tough/big deal situations haha. Friends need not worry!}

6. Let it go. When it's over, don't dwell. You'll hold yourself back for longer. As much as you may want to know WHY, let it be. It's over, that's all that matters. Turn your focus from your "non-existent at this point" relationship to what makes you happy, and things will significantly get better. Surround yourself with friends, do everything you wanted to do without hesitation. It's all about rebuilding yourself into a stronger, wiser entity.

7. Don't let it ruin you. Just because one douchebag lies to you and treats you like shit, doesn't mean everyone will. There are amazing people in the world- 7 billion of them! A quote that's been sticking with me- "Don't waste energy on situations you CAN'T control. It is out of your hands. Focus on the ones you can". Truly brilliant. Everyone is different, and eventually your different will find someone elses different and make you feel complete. Don't count yourself out!

I think what has made it easier for me this time around is, I know I tried, and instead of feeling shitty + unloved, I feel proud of myself. I'm loving myself right now, and that is an amazing thing. I've been waiting a long time for this. Now this is farewell, to what was and what could have been. I'm open for the future and I am not scared, but optimistic about what great things lay ahead.

xo

{disclaimer: this is only what I went through in my personal experience. everybody's different.}

Links You'll Like

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 17:08:00 +0000

I totally slacked this weekend on updating! I think I'm better suited to blogging only monday thru fridays, anyway - that way, I won't feel guilty for not doing it on the weekends ;)

So instead of just a post on what I did this weekend, I figured I'd links some sites/articles/whatever that I've been finding interesting lately!

Definitely going to be trying this recipe for Crockpot Mashed Potatoes- seems so easy!

Toilet Paper Roll Owls would look so cute on the Christmas tree this year!

I'm loving the use of cookie cutters and photos for this holiday decoration

Beaded curtains. I am obsessed.

Set yourself free. Awesome article on TinyBuddha

100 of the most beautiful words in the English language; interesting!

2013 Food Trends. Fermented cherry juice could be right up my alley...

Fifty smoothie recipes; favorite this!

Eyeliner looks {10 styles to try}

{the past weekend was a good one though; I had a great time seeing my friends as usual, and it was nice to get out of my own head for a little while. sunday morning was all cuddles and movies and being comfortable, and yeah, perfect.}

Enjoy your tuesday! xoxo

It's True.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 19:13:00 +0000

{via pinterest}

-Oh, and check out this song called "I Remember" by Yeasayer. This is my heart right now. xo

A Morning Song.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 14:06:00 +0000

I randomly found this song this morning and was struck by how beautiful it is and how simply it describes a mother's love. I think you'll enjoy...

I have never loved someone the way I love you
I have never seen a smile like yours
And if you grow up to be king or clown or pauper
I will say you are my favorite one in town

I have never held a hand so soft and sacred
When I hear your laugh I know heaven’s key
And when I grow to be a poppy in the graveyard
I will send you all my love upon the breeze

And if the breeze won’t blow your way, I will be the sun
And if the sun won’t shine your way, I will be the rain
And if the rain won’t wash away all your aches and pains
I will find some other way to tell you you’re okay.

You’re okay...

{p.s. if you get the chance, check the 'A Take Away Show' sessions on youtube. they are my absolute favorite}

An Introduction to Winter

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 17:55:00 +0000

On behalf of the weather we've received, I've been daydreaming my life away thinking of the months to come and the coziness that will ensue. Big blankets, hot chocolates, blustery wind blowing outside while being warm in the house, cuddles on the couch, late night car rides through the slow drifting snow...

Here's a few photos to get you daydreaming, too!

{all images via pinterest}

winter weddings are so beautiful..

my dream life... this will be my future..

xo

Athena, the Nor'Easter.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 02:01:00 +0000

The East Coast cannot catch a break. It seems to be one insane thing after another; a big earthquake in Maine, a monster hurricane that tore the eastern seaboard apart, and now a Nor'Easter. Rhode Island was supposed to escape relatively unscathed, however where I am in the northern part of state, it's been continuous snow. It came quite early actually, where it was supposed to come for a few hours around 5pm, it slowly started at noontime and picked up very fast. There's a really strong, chilling wind that will freeze your bones.

At the start of the storm on my break at work, I braved mother nature and snapped a few photos.

the first flakes..

shitty ride home, that's for sure!

As for now, I'm ready to finish watching season one of GIRLS and cuddle in the warmth of my house. Stay toasty xoxo

What's on my iPod v.10

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 18:00:00 +0000

It's been so long since I've done one of these posts.. I feel it's time to bring it back, considering all the new music I've discovered and am currently loving. Enjoy! xo

I've been listening to Minus the Bears new album lately and it's awesome! However, Highly Refined Pirates will probably always be my favorite. Loved this song since high school; it conjures images of lying around in bed on a gray weekend morning (perfect for this current Nor'Easter weather!)

Islands has become a mainstay in my music choice lately. Their newest album is more down to earth and less space-y than previous; it's really working for them.

I just recently found Gates and I'm really impressed. This is my favorite song by them, the lyrics are really touching my soul.

This is another band I'm not too familiar with, but I am SO obsessed with this song! It flows so well, I love the guitar, and the lyrics
{it's hard to take risks, with a pessimist}

Naturally, there has to be a Circa song on here since their new album was just released this past August. It's awesome.
Classic, amazing vocals and the most perfect lines
{I won't share your anger, it doesn't do me any good to feel.. }

Lana Del Rey is my girl crush, and her words are so easy to identify with. The video is pure genius, and I love that they put Josh Kurpuis in it
{avid reader of his blog Kemosabe + the Lodge- check it out!}

Full Circle.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 17:56:00 +0000

March 7th to March 9th, 2006
~i guess this is the end of everything. and its all kind of mixed-up, because im really sad and im happy and im relieved, but most of all im confused and i dont know how to use anything but run-on sentences, and for some reason, i keep running into things that just make me feel worse and i tried to get rid of all your old e-mails and the stupid things you gave me, but i guess i cant. i guess maybe its for the better, because i cant keep taking it out on myself everytime i get hurt. and i guess youre right, theres no reason for us to stay like this. and i guess youre right, well still be friends. for a while anyways. sometimes i wish i could forget everything, and sometimes i regret everything ive ever told you. and sometimes i regret everything we've ever done/ seen together. but most of the time i dont, and i guess thats the worst part. i want to hate you, my friends say i should. and i cant. i guess im just afraid of being alone. and i guess i forgot what its like when you dont have someone who will hold your hand, and when you dont have someone to fall asleep next to. and when you look back on everything that made you laugh, and it just makes you cry because you cant remember ever being that happy. maybe i overreact to everything, and maybe im jealous and paranoid. but i dont think im that bad. i dont know, im sick of trying to look on the bright side and im sick of saying things will get better, because when they dont i just get let down. ive never loved/needed/wanted someone so much. its completely foreign to me, to be this infatuated with someone else. my entire life has been selfish, and maybe thats why sometimes i did such a bad job of being your girlfriend. but i love you more than anything. and it was my biggest fear that you didnt feel the same way anymore. im not sure if id rather have you as a friend or just a peice of history. i want whichever will hurt the least, i suppose.

~you say you need time alone, but yet when you catch my scent you want it to surround you.. you want all the benefits a boyfriend would have with me, but i don't want to give in to you.. it will make it seem as if what you've done is okay. it's not okay, at all. all i want is to just kiss you as if it was all the same. today made me realize that you want best of both worlds.. it's not going to happen.

i feel bad about certain things i've done, and if I knew it would ruin us I would have changed the way everything happened, but i guess i cant do anything about it. After seeing what it's like with someone else, I knew exactly what I wanted, and it was you.. its just so hard because i felt like when i started to get close to you, you pushed me away. and now that i'm trying to move on, you come and try to make it seem like you want me back. but you dont, you dont want things to be the way they used to be. you want to be able to have fun and not have to worry about other peoples feelings and not have all of these commitments. except you expect me to only be with you, while you can talk to all these other chicks who dont care about you half as much as i do. its so unfair to me. i dont know, im too stuck on not hurting people to care about myself sometimes. i guess we both have things to get over.

"Well, I love the way your hands touch mine
Like a gift from god, worth a lifetime
In case tomorrow doesn’t find its way
Just stay love is forever don't throw it away"

*I wrote those entries in 2006 (on Livejournal!!) when I was going through pretty much the same situation with the same person. It's incredible to see how things change and how other things never do; everything eventually comes full circle. For whatever reason, this needed to be documented. I am desperately seeking closure; I can't keep beating myself up for not being enough for this person, when in reality, he will never be satiated- with anybody. There comes a time when you're just sick of it all, all the games, the playing. Stability is a factor in my life that must be considered, and I will never allow my feelings for someone to overcome my reality, ever again.

What Ari Says.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 22:46:00 +0000

{Our conversation before Ari attended her 'Princess Ball' {with my heels on}

Ari: Okay, stay there, and be good.

Me: Don't worry, I'll make you proud

Ari: {after she turns and smiles} You always do.

I may have cried. I love my kid. ♥

Pointed North.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 02:00:00 +0000

This weekend didn't turn out quite like I had planned, but it was fun nonetheless. Unfortunately on friday, I ended up passing out on the couch until 1130 at night, therefore rendering plans with Lorena not possible. We ended up rescheduling for a lunch date yesterday, which was SO nice. Afterwards, I headed to Providence to have a few beers at Muldowneys. My friends and I ended up leaving there and walking down the street to the Alley Cat, a tucked away little gay bar. We usually will stop at the Stable, but we all voted on the latter. Such a fun night! Anything goes in that place, and the atmosphere was cool; the bartenders were super nice and personable, drinks were strong, and the bar was packed. I sung my heart out and had a great time.

Today, I needed a little time to clear my head, and it was beautiful out. I packed my blanket, a book, the camera and some tea and headed to Pascoag- to a small little clearing on the outskirts of a pond. The sun was shining so brightly, and so I hunkered down on my blanket to read. It was nice to lay there, in the complete quiet, except for a few leaves rustling to the ground. Overall, I'd say a successful, lazy sunday.

~just a random one from a weekend morning...

i'm so ready for bed, sleep tight xo ♥

my life.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 18:16:00 +0000

via~ fuck! i'm in my twenties

Friday Happenings.

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 20:55:00 +0000

What are you lovelies up to this weekend? I'm hoping to take it kind of easy, and possibly start a new sewing project. Tonight is a much needed night out with my best friend and a few others. Beers, good talks and clearing my head will all be accomplished. I'm so tempted to just pack a bag, throw some blankets in the backseat, fill my car up with gas, and head somewhere I've never been. I'm craving change; I need a break from the monotony.

This week has felt like one of the longest in my life. I'll be back tomorrow with tales of a wild, debaucherous night (just kidding... maybe?)

I'll leave you with a beautiful song that's resonating with me today; conjuring up images of running away.

"Love's tame, you can't set it free
Come back and it's meant to be
The story's old, the odds have changed
Return or not, it feels the same

Be still, let the journey bring
Calm winds and a song to sing
Unroll the map and plot the course
Ignore the needle pointing north

Waves crash on a vacant pier
Boats rock on a sea of fear
The tide is high, your hope still floats
Pull the anchor, cut the ropes"

Have a great friday! xo

November! Currently....

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 18:00:00 +0000

It's the first of November! Ever since Ari was born in 2009, November has struck a chord with me and we've had a truce; things seem to work out well for me now, whereas pre-baby, it was a month just begging to break me down. Here's to good times ahead; Ari turning three, Thanksgiving, my family moving home to Rhode Island, and my niece being born.

You may be wondering about this strange icon above? I've decided to participate in something called NaBloPoMo, also known as "National Blog Posting Month". For the entire month of November, I will update every single day. That's thirty posts! I can't promise that every post is going to be something of substance, because face it, we all get burned out sometimes. However, starting today, I do promise you a variety of content to keep you entertained throughout the month. What would you like to see? Recipes, more photos, links to like, music?

I want to get this blog back to where it was before, but I think it's time for an identity change. While I am still a young mama, writing about life, I've realized I'm so much more than just a mama. Expect a complete update of this site in the coming days.

Anyway, because I'm feeling all gung ho about this here project- I'm going to take a page from one of the blogs I love, Sometimes Sweet, and do a 'Currently' post! It's a sweet little reminder of daily life, and maybe will become a mainstay in the future~

Watching: Boardwalk Empire! I cannot get enough of this show. It's based in Prohibition era in Atlantic City, New Jersey. The gist of the show is along the lines of the Sopranos, based on profit from crime and the sale of illegal alcohol. Steve Buscemi plays an awesome Nucky Thompson, although my favorite character (Spoiler: before he was killed off) was Jimmy. It's on HBO sunday nights at 10pm est, get addicted!

Listening to: I've been drifting from my usual, finding a variety of new music and re-discovering some old. The new Gaslight Anthem album is awesome, as well as Violent Waves, Circas newest. To get me in a working mood, I've had Name Taken stuck on repeat and some Skrillex. The east coast has been experiencing some less than pleasant weather as of late, so for those rainy day moods- DeYarmond Edison, Gates, Cassino and Cary Brothers. I'll elaborate more on this in an upcoming Whats on my iPod post.

Thinking about: How I'm going to blog for an entire month! I really do think of blogging like, all the time. What sucks is that I'm on a computer working for 40 hours a week, so by the time I get home, the only thing I can bring myself to do is browse other blogs and wish I had the time/energy to write haha. As I was saying above on an identity change for this blog- I just want to make this space as cozy as my home feels. I want an uninhibited spot of the internet where I can just go off on my thoughts and have them all in one place to eventually reflect on one day.

Loving: I've been absolutely in love with onions lately. I know, weird. But I want onions on everything I eat. I'm also loving the fact that this weekend we get to change our clocks back! I enjoy the dark, I love being at home when it's winter and cold outside. Saturday night, folks!

Reading: I'm in between a few books right now. It's not usually like me, but after finishing the 50 Shades series, I've been jumping head first into any and all reading materials. So currently, my list is "Sundays at Tiffanys" by James Patterson {re-reading because it's that good}, "1984" by George Orwell {re-reading} and "Siddhartha" by Herman Hesse.

Making me happy: The fact I have a tidy home right now! I used to be a super cleaner, OCD about everything. Now, being a single mama and still fighting the fatigue from mono, I could care less. I worked up the energy to completely clean my house {except my bedroom} and it's just so nice to get home after work and not feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that accumulates. Oh, lifes small pleasantries!

*One out of thirty posts down! Let's see where this exciting month takes us xo

Pumpkin Patches and Indian Summers

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 02:15:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, my family went to Schartner's Farm in Scituate for a nice day outdoors, enjoying the autumn weather. Lucky for us, the weather was gorgeous! We ate yummy grilled food and hand cut french fries, went on a hayride, found our way through a corn maze and lolled around in the soft grass drinking locally produced root beers. Schartner's Farm also has an on-site mini grocery store (housed in a big old farm stand) selling their fresh produce, local milk, cheese, honey- even coffee syrup and other Rhode Island-esque treats. We all agreed it was a perfect, even relaxing day. Ari has so much fun, running in and out of the corn stalks and eating raw yellow peppers from the stand.

There's just something about autumn in New England that's so special.

Ari enjoyed the hay ride, even though she was a little nervous

Covered wagon shenanigans with her Baba

Ari is already quite the actress.... I can't stop laughing at this photo haha

{my dad's shirt.... hahaha yeah}

{All of this corn is for the farm animals}

Ari was obsessed with this fake horse haha she did not want to get down

{The only photo I had taken from the following day at Scituate Art Festival- Ari manges on Gabe's corn on the cob. The weather was less than pleasant and I didn't want to risk my camera getting wet.}

I hope all my East Coasters stay safe and hunker down during this storm; we are fully prepared with food, alcohol, candles and books! Aren't those the essentials? ;) xo

i know it just became autumn and all, but.....

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Thu, 25 Oct 2012 20:53:00 +0000

I cannot wait for this weather.

Thoughtless thinking

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 17:21:00 +0000

It's hard to articulate when I have so many things I could say. Recently, life has been all 'go through the motions'.. I can't say I'm hating it. When you're at the breaking point with too many emotions, automatic numbing does wonders.

I'm not great at writing about my own personal feelings. I'd rather believe I don't even have any, however, I just feel so full lately. Constantly full of happiness, sadness, anxiety, whatever. It's just been hitting me like a truck.

Ari's about to be three years old and I wonder to myself everyday if I am good enough. Seeing the potential and the love for life my child has, I hope I'm doing well enough to where she is going to succeed in life and feel that she IS good enough, in everything she does and for anyone she meets. I know a good role model is so important, but it's very difficult to convey these positive messages to her when I vilify myself at any chance I get.

I keep writing and erasing this line... but, I've been feeling like I'm missing something. I'm not dwelling on it by any means, but little reminders seem to keep shouting at me, "YOU'RE ALONE NOW". Random thoughts popping into my head, "It will never feel the same with anyone else". And I don't want it to.

Life has been good, though. I tend to write when I'm upset, but I can't forget that this is a blog of beautiful things, and my life is one of them. Things may seem monotonous, and dark, but there's beauty. Books and an empty cup sitting on a recently acquired vintage chair, courtesy of my beautiful, intelligent girl. The way the dimming sunlight shines through my living room window and casts a beautiful glow on my orange walls. The gorgeous weather New England has fortunately been having. My awesome, awesome friends; without you, I would be a miserable, homebody wreck. The mounds of clothes littering my room, because I have too much (grateful!) and am way too indecisive and messy to put it all back neatly. My wonderful family... thankful for every one of you.

xo

You Could Be Happy ......

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Thu, 18 Oct 2012 17:34:00 +0000

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Oh the irony...

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Thu, 18 Oct 2012 15:01:00 +0000

I find it quite ironic how, for the last time, we're over. And when I walked in to my kitchen last night from finding the key in the mailbox, my microwave was flashing "end". I maybe even laughed a little...

{july photos.}

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Sat, 04 Aug 2012 01:31:00 +0000

ari petting the rooster

water culture!

R.I.P. Ralph

old sewing machine base

still in use well, for fresh water!

baby chicken

Ari's first sparkler!

Veronica and Ryan, sister and brother in law

Awaiting baby M!

Laura and the rooster

The cutest!

xoxo

{on my mind}

noreply@blogger.com (Shayna Rae) — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 18:30:00 +0000

I've been feeling some strange kind of way. I've been craving change in its entirety, and while I feel motivated, at the same time I feel defeated.

I really want to focus more energy on this blog. Its truly an escape, a break in life I need to utilize; keeps me grounded. Time has been non-existant though, the pace of things keeps getting faster and faster.

It's already August! I just can't comprehend how this summer flew by. Next month, fall will be upon us again, with chilly mornings and the soft fluttering sounds of leaves floating to the ground.

Ari is amazing. A perfect blend of her fathers and my best qualities. She's really coming in to her own- flourishing is really the word to describe it. Ari loves playing dress up, especially with heels that I hear clicking constantly across our floor. She's such an animal lover, the child has no fear when it comes to dogs or any other animals (including goats!). She is the least picky eater out of any child that I know, save for texture issues that we are still having (hmph). Vegetables are her food of choice, especially raw. She'd be awesome as a vegan; me, not so much. Ari's artistic qualities have been shining bright! She loves to color, paint, draw, everything. Books are important to her, and that makes me so, so happy. I am trying to teach her now that books should be respected, and how to properly care for one {we have too many missing pages in our Dr. Seuss series}.

The new apartment is almost completed; All that's left is finding a rad couch and chair to fit in the living room.

Within the next few months I'm hoping to sell my Volkswagen, and get something more reliable... but still a VW. :)

This month is going to be packed with awesome events that I am just so excited for. This upcoming weekend is Milltown, a hot rod and motorcycle show in Sturbridge, MA. Gabe and I will be camping out with another couple, so it's definitely going to be a fun time. Old cars and beer? Well alright! The weekend of the 18th, Gabe and I are heading up to Brooklyn, NY! The last time I was there, welll.... we won't get into that, but right off the bat I know this is going to be a much better trip than the last time I was there. Gabe's getting tattooed at Smith Street Tattoo Parlor, so we'll be spending the day in the city; I'm hoping I'll be able to talk him into seeing Central Park and visiting a bunch of thrift stores! And finally, on the 24th, I'll be getting my right thigh tattooed after much hype. Panther. YES.

So there will be plenty of photos, I'm currently blogging at work (oops!) but I do have a photo post from the month of July that will be up soon, as well as photos from the past weekend of thrifting around the Ocean State!

Happy August all! xo