Lately I feel as though my life resembles the beginning of Fight Club.

I don’t just hate my job.  I loathe my job.  I detest my job.

I work a 9 to 5 for a company nobody has ever heard of, doing work that nobody notices for a product that nobody cares about.

I started my job with the thought that I would just be there for a little while.  This was going to be my job to hold me over until I found a better one.  I mean, I have a degree from a good university, I have a strong skill set in high demand areas and I even enjoy doing the work in those areas.

But here I am, sitting in an office for 40 hours a week doing something that is basically glorified customer service to assist some of the dumbest people on earth.

Let me tell you something about customer service…  Customer service representatives hate their jobs and when you are an asshole to them, they hate you.  In fact, when a customer gives me shit, there is nothing I would like more than to hear the sound of screeching brakes, a horrified scream and then dead silence over the phone.

On the other hand, when you appreciate a customer service representative, they’ll bend over backwards to show you the most consideration and accommodation their job will allow.

That’s because appreciation, acknowledgment and understanding are rare in the day-to-day life of the customer service representative.  I know it is for me.

My general day looks like this:  I drag myself out of bed, despising the fact that I have to go to my job.  One scene later, I’m sitting at my desk with a defeated look on my face, fighting the urge to strangle my cubicle-mate that speaks into his phone just-a-little-too-loud all the time.

The phone rings and some nameless faceless person is bitching about something that isn’t my fault.  I soothe them through corporate euphemisms and platitudes and, with any luck, they shut up and disappear.  Sooner or later, I’ll receive an e-mail or personal greeting from one of my bosses to tell me that something has gone wrong and they would like to blame me for it.

When I came into this job, I was brimming with confidence.  I would interact with my co-workers with total self-assurance and even a hint of enjoyment.  Work used to be fun, or at worst, decent.  Then management changed and a raging bitch took over as my boss.

That was two years ago.  Over that time, she’s chiseled my confidence down to the status of a whipped dog.  I hate sounding like such a victim.  I hate even writing this.

But I’m at the point where I want nothing more than to never work here again, but my confidence as a worker is so low that I don’t even want to try to look for another job.  I feel so broken, frustrated and disappointed with my working-life that I can’t even bring myself to try and dig myself out of this hole.

It’s frustrating beyond all belief or logical comprehension.  I know I hate my job.  I know I could work somewhere else, get paid much more money than I make now and even enjoy what I’m doing.  And yet, I just can’t force myself.

I’m bracing myself for the responses to this post already from people saying that I’m a pussy or that I need to man up and just do what needs to be done.  Let me head this off at the pass and say, “Go fuck yourselves.”

Being great at pick-up does not solve everything.

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I think something great is happening here.

But before I say what it is and why, I want to make something clear: Learning to improve your dating skills with women can be a brutal process.

Let me tell you a story…

I was walking down the street last night, filled with anger, bitterness and hopelessness. I was walking with my Legend and Amp, spitting absolute venom about dating, women and the game in general.

“It’s all so unfair. I work so hard to be a good person in the world. With integrity. With loyalty. With honesty and honor.

And yet I can walk up to a girl in a bar, say something to open a dialogue with the purest of intentions and somehow in this world it’s OK for her to look at me like a piece of garbage and coldly dismiss me like I’m some sort of social parasite.

To be honest, I need to conjure every ounce of strength I have to not flip out at these implicit social insults. Who is she to judge me?”

And on and on I went, pissing and moaning about how much I hate the “game” and how annoying this all can be.

Having shattered their until-moments-ago-euphoric buzz, and Legend look at me, desperately hoping to talk me off the ledge. “Edge, you know it’s a game. Yeah, it’s bullshit at times, but it’s not like you don’t know what you’re doing. You’ve dated 7 girls at the same time! You’ve had threesomes and dated every type of girl on the checklist…”

“Yeah,” I said, “but that doesn’t mean it feels like success to me…”

OK, so what’s my point in sharing this story.

My point is that doing what it takes to get good with women is brutal. It’s psychologically taxing and it brings up stuff for all of us, as men, that can be hard to handle.

Even with years of dating experience. Even with a history of success (by objective standards). Even when you know all the “right” things to do.

Sometimes, with the right amount of stress and some other unfavorable circumstances in place, you just get pissed.

Now why am I talking about this? Aren’t I, as the group organizer, supposed to be opening the group with an inspiring message where I paint a rose-colored portrait of all the lust, romance and sex you’re going to get from hot women once you learn to get “in the groove”?

Well… I could do that. Everyone else on the internet seems to: “The ONE trick that will pack your bedroom with more women than you can handle” or “Five things you can do to guaranteed you get laid tonight.”

I’m a total optimist and I believe we all have tremendous power to transform from whoever we are now into whoever we WANT to be.

Moreover, I think there is no force more powerful in the universe than a group of MEN dedicated to a clear, inspired pursuit.

But I want to make one thing clear: I am NOT going to be the charlatan that “markets” to you, like a bunch of dumb cattle that will swallow the fantasy image.

This is a journey of ups and downs. You’ll have periods of success and inspiration and you’ll have moments of anger and despair.

BUT YOU’LL BE MEN.

That means stepping up. That means committing to improving. That means being willing to get in the trenches and take some hits if that’s what it takes to succeed.

And you’ll grow. If you’re strong enough to accept that learning to improve with women isn’t a pleasure cruise, then I have complete faith that we can get you to wherever you want to go.

So when I said something great is happening here, this is what it is: This is a group of men who want to be better with women. And like I said, there is NOTHING more powerful than a group of men dedicated to a worthy pursuit.

You know, one of my favorite movies is FIGHT CLUB. I think there’s something about that movie that resonates with a lot of men today, and that is that we’ve allowed ourselves to become soft and disconnected.

In general, the majority of men today lead lives of quiet desperation. As miserable as the frustrations can sometimes be, I am infinitely grateful not to be a broken-man, submissively saying, “Yes dear” because my spirit to take what I want is dead. To me, that is a fate far worse than 10,000 nasty rejections.

I want this group to be one where we recognize that part of ourselves: The part that steps up to go for what we want. The part that soldiers on and is willing to do whatever it takes to shape his life. The part that calls upon his strength and courage to grow as a person, instead of submissively accepting whatever scraps the universe is willing to hand him.

This will be more than a group. This will be men coming together to grow into the men they want to be and taking what they want to take.

THIS IS NOT A SUPPORT GROUP. THIS IS NOT A GROUP FOR BROKEN MEN. THIS A NOT GOING TO BE A SYMPATHY PARTY.

This is going to be a place where men who want to step up MOTIVATE each other to be strong men. Soldiers, relentlessly pursuing their mission of shaping their lives and not accepting garbage in place of their dreams.

I don’t care if you’ve never been with a woman and have had nothing but strike-outs your whole life. At the same time, I don’t care if you are a world-class player and have seen more action than Will Chamberlain.

What I DO care about is that you are willing to pursue this with BALLS and that you have your heart set on improvement. This is about getting you to where you want to go. This is about you GETTING what you want instead of just passively wanting things but settling for whatever you’ve been getting.

I have no shame about sharing my successes or failures with you guys. But for your own sakes, I want you to recognize the power and opportunity you have here and POST YOUR COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, STICKING POINTS AND FRUSTRATIONS ON THIS WEBSITE so we can start progressing together as a group.

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Legend and I have been winging each other for years.  We’ve had massive success, created amazing memories and have had tons of fun, but every step of the way we’ve asked ourselves:  How can we make this even better?

Better.  Faster.  More effective.  And more fun…

One thing we just discovered this weekend is how to turn a “bad night” into a “good night” and help each other as wings.

Now, before I talk about what we’ve started doing, let me give you some background and context into what I’m talking about.

For years, Legend and I have talked about the good night/bad night phenomenon in our time in field, where one night of the weekend we’ll be on fire and the other night will be virtually a dud.

We would talk about it, analyze and come up with reasons and realizations as to why the night was a dud (we didn’t get any momentum, we weren’t in state, etc.), but regardless of what the reasons were, we had no way of getting into a good state that night if it started down the path of being a dud.

So just last night, Legend and I were at one of our favorite venues.  The conditions were good, I was mentally clear and I was set on having a good, fun, social evening.

And yet, nothing was clicking.  Instead of getting the IOIs (indicators of interest) that I’m used to getting to varying degrees, I was getting averted eye-contact and conversations that just weren’t coming together.

Like I said though, I had mental clarity and I was recognizing the unhelpful thoughts that were coming up.  These were thoughts like:

• I’m not “in state”
• I’m looking for validation and positive responses and getting imbalanced when I’m not getting them (criteria dependency)
• I don’t feel like “the man”
• I don’t feel like talking to anyone or diving into approaches
• This evening isn’t turning out to be what I was hoping for.

After about an hour and a half in, I noticed how bummed about how I was feeling and how the evening was going in general.

At that moment, I said to myself that it was time to get back to the basics.  What is the most basic belief I want to be holding constantly as I’m here?

For me, that state is being the “prize”.  Now I got this from Swinggcat, who’s one of my favorite teachers in the realm of picking up women and sucking them into my world, in a way that has them chasing me and reaching for more of my attention and approval.  You can check out Swinggcat here.

I said to Legend, “OK, I am going to just hold the belief in the forefront of my mind that I am the prize that women are wanting and reaching for.”  Legend was down for the experiment and decided to hold a similar thought for himself, holding the belief, “I am the shit!”

We walked around for a minute just soaking in the beliefs and reality of that.  After about a couple of minutes, we returned to the same place we were standing and everything changed.

We were getting looks and indicators of interest left and right.  In fact, two women virtually opened us at that point – they walked right over to us and we just said, “Hi.”

I said to Legend, “OK, I want you to play a game with me for the rest of the night.  Every 30 seconds or minute or two minutes, I want you to ask me, “Hey, are you the prize?”  And I would tap into my mind, make sure I was “there” and respond with a definitive, “Yes, I am the fucking prize!”

After starting this game, the whole night changed.  It went from being a potential dud to one of the best nights we’ve had in a while.  And this is definitely something we’re going to be refining to align with other useful states in field.

One state I want to world on being able to access in a pinch is the “go for it” or “do it now” state, where I just see an opportunity (no matter how ideal or not ideal the conditions) and just go for it.

This line of thinking is all part of the inner game material that I am developing for my inner game coaching clients.  Being able to improve your inner game so that you can blast past sticking points is essential, so if you’re getting caught up on certain areas of picking up women (whether it’s getting thrown off by when a woman acts difficult or even just getting yourself out of the house and approaching), I can help get you there.  Send us an e-mail at askapua (at) pickupevolution.com and let us know your sticking point.

Don’t forget to sign up for our pua newsletter to get our latest insights and a ton of free stuff.

Related posts:

1. Serendipitous – Getting into State Part 3: Chasing State, Validation Based State & Pure State
2. Serendipitous – Getting into State Part 2
3. Serendipitous – Getting into State Part 1

We were standing there, the three of us, horny as fuck, just waiting for it to happen. Each of the girls open to it, damp underneath (they confessed later), me standing there plotting a way to close the deal. If only these poor girls at school knew the shit I did to them on a regular basis. Hahaha…

Credit where credit’s due, I first heard about sexual priming from Ratisse right here on this blog,  who read some scientific study about it. There you go.

Ratisse explains it as a way to gauge where you are in your seduction, the girl is either going to fuck you or she isn’t, and this can be used to tell which. He explained it as follows:

The Technique

Basically, sexual priming is maintaining the frame that:

If you continue doing (something she’s already doing that’s “turning you on”) I’m going to (do something to escalate towards sex).

Here’s an example of what you’d say to your target:

If you continue turning me on I’m going to make out with you.

If you keep making out with me I’m going to take you to the bathroom and jerk off for you.

or if she’s ready to be fucked:

If you keep making out with me I’m going to take you to the bathroom and fuck you.

There are different ways your target will react:

Active Acceptance of your frame

Passive Acceptance of your frame

Active Denial of your frame

An example of her passively accepting your frame would be her giggling.

An example of her actively accepting your frame would be her saying “What are you waiting for?”

An example of her actively denying your frame would be her saying “I don’t want to make out with you.”

If she accepts the frame, you can move forward.

If she denies the frame, you can either build more comfort and attraction or find another target, depending on how you want to invest your time.

- Ratisse

Anyway, the way the study went for the report was they showed people pictures of normal things, then they showed them pictures of sex. Afterwords they measured the increase in desire for sex in the people who saw the trigger pictures. They concluded that the desire to have sex can be triggered by an outside stimulus.

I’ve been experimenting with it at school for the last few weeks and I’ve had varying results, one of which would have resulted in a threesome had it not been for logistics. I did not use it the exact way Ratisse did. I just talked about sex in a way that caused the girls to imagine themselves having sex or me having sex.

Here’s what happened that day:

It started early on in the day when I turned the conversation sexual (as is my usual m.o.). I was talking with SchoolGirl (whom I’d already closed, the reports around here somewhere) and our mutual friend Pornstar (an inside joke).

Schoolgirl and I were talking to Pornstar about our experiences and she was asking tons of questions as she is less experienced but still not a virgin. The conversation continued off and on at various points throughout the day.

By the time school was letting out, we had made plans to hang out and keep talking. Unfortunately, we were confined to the parking garage since I live with my g/f and they still live with their parents.

The conversation continued about sex until Pornstar said she was extremely horny. Schoolgirl said she was too and I admitted the same. Then they both stood around, waiting for something to happen. Had there been a place to fuck, (you can’t have a threesome in a car, it was too cold and neither of us could afford a to get a room) I would have been able to escalate them both, instead, I went home and fucked my girlfriend twice and jerked off. The other two drove home together, still talking about sex. Pornstar was dropped off, Schoolgirl went home and neither of them got any. Needless to say that since then then I’ve been touching them in sexual ways and teasing them, egging them on.

Schoolgirl and I are down for a threesome with Pornstar, and Pornstar admitted to Schoolgirl she would do it to. Unfortunately this won’t happen until we find a place to fuck. Schoolgirl and I are much more touchy-feely with Pornstar since then, so it’s only a matter of time until the deal is sealed.

So in a nut shell:

- Talking about sex long enough,

- Getting her to imagine doing those things and

- Being accepting and non-judgmental of her questions, experiences and desires

will get her rearin’ to go.

Oh, and having a co-conspirator too will help.

Thoughts, questions, comments? Hate mail? Get on the newsletter for more great ways you can prime sexually and get those threesomes you want.  Click Rick here

~Serendipitous

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Legend, Amp and I had a conversation the other night about leading conversations and avoiding conversational pitfalls.

First, let me explain what I mean when I refer to leading the conversation.  I, for one, am not a proponent of shoving routines down a woman’s throat just to keep the interaction going.  There’s a place for pick-up artist technique, but I think it’s far better to be great conversationalist that uses technique as needed.

As a metaphor, I think of all of the pick-up artist tips and seduction techniques in the way that I think of spices in cooking: a little bit in the right thing is the difference between bland/boring and unforgettable/delicious.  BUT too much spice ruins the meal altogether.

So let’s talk about conversations.  The average guy is usually excited just to be in a conversation with a beautiful woman, let alone do anything to remotely turn her on.

As a result, a guy gets up the gall to talk to the woman, the conversation opens and then for the rest of the interaction, he’s just surfing on the topics she brings up.  She brings up a thought or topic, he tags it with something (an agreement with what she said, a pithy observation about it, etc.).  She brings up another topic or comment and he starts to run with that.

Almost inevitably, unless the guy is totally her type and she’s already attracted to him, she’ll get bored and leave.  After all, if her juices aren’t already cooking, she knows the interaction isn’t going to get her turned on with a guy who just runs with everything she brings up.

So that is what leading isn’t.  What is leading?

Leading is conversing with the intent to bring the conversation to a certain place and int  If entionally create certain states, reactions and emotional responses with the woman.

Leading is not dominating.  Here’s an interesting thought:

When you are walking a dog, you are leading.  The dog is in front of you, but you are taking actions to make sure that the dog is going where you want her to go.

So long as the dog is walking where you want her to go, you walk with the dog – no need to correct the direction.  But if the dog goes somewhere or does something that is not part of the path… that’s when you need to correct.

That brings me to discussing conversational sinkholes – these are the subjects brought up by women or someone in the group that will lead the conversation nowhere but down.

For example, there was one interaction where the girl brought up the Holocaust in an interaction.  Don’t get me wrong, the Holocaust was a horrible tragedy, but it has no place in the realm of light Friday-night barroom chat.

My buddy didn’t want to disrespect the girl, so he reluctantly went with the subject for a moment and tried his best to find an out ASAP.

Problem was, the more he tried, the deeper into the subject they got and the conversation went from fun banter to grave somberness in a matter of 30 seconds.

Conversational sinkholes are like hot coals – don’t pick them up with your bare hands (or, if possible, at all).

The risk of a conversation being thrown off track is the highest within the first 15 minutes of conversation, but it is important to watch out for this in general even long after you and the girl are familiar.

From a pick-up artist / dating /seduction standpoint, there is no value in talking to women about heavy subjects, especially before you’ve established yourself as a romantic partner.

I have a big heart and I want to help and support people, but let’s be honest.  If she really needs help and support, she can get it from her close friends.  She can get it from a therapist.  She doesn’t need some guy she just met to help her with her problems or help her process depressing events.

On the other hand, conversational sinkholes aren’t always “downers”.  Sometimes a woman will just start bringing up subjects.  It is usually to see how you’ll react and then evaluate you accordingly.

For example, she might casually mention that she came there with her friend who is a high-powered CEO or the lead singer of a band or something.

The average guy will pick up the hot coal and either try to start proving why he’s valuable (flexing), get uncomfortable (react with insecurity) or faking some kind of interest in their connection (rolling with the conversation sinkhole).

There’s no law or rule that says that we need to pick up any of these conversational sinkholes.  I’ve seen Legend outright just pretend it wasn’t even said and keep going and it had no ill effect.

I’ll usually say, “Oh, that’s cool.” and then completely change the subject to something intriguing or fun.

It’s little tweaks and realizations like this that can save you from going down the wrong path in interactions.

Of course, if you have a sticking point with being a pick-up artist or having the kind of skill you want to have in the dating arena, you owe it to yourself to get on our mailing list.

We cover all sorts of additional topics outside of this website (personal coaching, online dating and lots of other subjects).  Plus, for the time being Legend is offering a free 15-minute Dating Diagnostic call, where Legend tells you specifically how you (personally) can get over your sticking points.  This isn’t a pitch – it’s a completely free call where we talk about your personal sticking points and exactly how to address them.  Get it now while Legend is still giving it away!

P.S.  If you’re on the Monthly Insider Interview Series list, we just did a one hour discussion on how never to run out of things to say in conversation.  Worth checking out.

Related posts:

1. Edge – Avoiding Giving People the “Douche-Chills”
2. Edge – Pick-up Evolution, the Past, Present and Future

Since I’ve learned how to actually do all of these things since starting hair school, I figured this would make a great post for you guys since we’re all here to get better with women.

One of the biggest reasons women get their hair done to get attention from men and the sad part is, the biggest complaint is that we don’t notice what they’ve done, and they put hours and hours into their hair sometimes. Simply knowing what she’s done to her hair can raise your value in her eyes. Trust me, I’m talking to them all the time about this. So take the time to educate yourself a bit with this here hair “glossary”.

I’ll break this down into categories. First up is:

And that about wraps it up. Now that you know a shit ton about women’s hairstyles, go out and compliment them!

~Serendipitous

P.S. Took me about 3 weeks to put this together so you better have gotten something out of it!   If you want more great tips go sign up for the newsletter right now here!

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