Alright, it’s time for the honest, un-PC, and totally unfair truth about how women feel about you paying on a date:

It’s sexier when you pick up the tab.

There, I said it.

Wait, a woman who gives dating advice is telling men that they should pay for the date? Clearly this is all part of the evil worldwide female conspiracy to suck men dry of their precious pennies. Yeah, right.

photo credit: YimHafiz

Look, if you want to split the check evenly, go right ahead. Look your date straight in the eye and say,

“Your meal was $3 more than mine, so you owe $17. You got exact change?”

See how well that works out for you.

Yeah, I know, it’s not “fair” that men should have to pay for everything, especially if you both make the same amount of money, or (gasp!) she makes more than you do.

No, it’s not fair, and you don’t want it to be.

Attraction is created by the building of sexual tension. Fairness evens out a situation and gets rid of the tension—that’s why fairness is very useful for conflict prevention and resolution. If you want to have a nice, neat, fair date with a woman, split everything down the middle. If you want to create excitement and sexual tension, take charge and take her out.

Of course, these are tough economic times, and dating gets expensive. If money’s an issue (like it is for most of the population) then take her somewhere that you can afford to take her. Going to a coffee shop and buying her a $2 cup of tea has the same effect as going to a fancy dinner and buying her a $200 lobster (unless she’s a gold-digger, in which case she’s useless anyway).

This is not about a woman getting free stuff from you. This is about a woman being able to be feminine around you because you are being masculine around her—which will ramp up the attraction.

This is also not about being needy and buying her stuff for her approval. You are picking up the tab because you are such a resourceful guy that you have more than enough to give. Even if that’s not true of your bank account, she will find your generous, abundant attitude really, really hot–that’s why picking up the tab on a $2 tea is much more effective than splitting a $20 plate of appetizers (and it actually costs you less!).

It’s important to note that as a relationship progresses, you will have situations where it’s totally cool for you to split things evenly. That’s because as you spend more and more time together and your lives merge, you don’t need every single interaction you have to be romantic and sexually charged. However, when you do want that romantic/sexual vibe, pick up the tab—even if you’ve been together for decades.

Most women will never admit this to you.

Women in modern society have been taught that it’s wrong to expect a guy to pay for us–that we are strong, independent women that should do it on our own.

Actually, we are strong, independent women—and we are dying to be seduced the “old fashioned way” but we think this desire is wrong and we should get over it, buck up and do our part, everything 50/50.

Most women aren’t even in touch with this desire anymore. They have convinced themselves that wanting this is selfish, and they approach dating in a practical, fair way—then wonder where the spark went.

Ask most women who should pay for a date and they will give you a neat little etiquette lesson. In fact, the other night I had an 80 minute conversation with a female friend about this exact topic. 80 freakin’ minutes of guilt, logic, facts, figures, etiquette, do’s and don’ts, and female history…

The only thing we didn’t talk about was sexual attraction.

Splitting things, or at least offering to pay your half, is the polite thing for a woman to do. Question is: when the heck did sexual attraction become polite?

One of the greatest joys of being a feminine woman is that we are lavished with compliments, affection, and gifts just for being beautiful, radiant, and appreciative of it. No, it’s not fair, but that’s what the feminine IS, and on a deep, primal level every woman is secretly wishing she could be that way with you—without feeling guilt or shame about it.

Also, it’s important to note that this concept about taking care of a woman expands way beyond money. It’s also about compliments, touch (like massaging her neck), and making sure she’s satisfied sexually. It’s about having things under control so she doesn’t have to take charge.

I’m emphasizing picking up the tab here because it’s one of the easiest things you can do to assert the masculine role, yet it’s one of the most “wrong” and un-PC things for a woman to want.

Get over trying to make it fair.

If you can make a woman feel more attracted and fulfilled by covering the cost of her $2 cup of tea, then that’s $2 very well spent.

In Part 2, I’ll give you a list of all the benefits YOU will get when you pick up the tab on dates.

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Susan Crain Bakos

Jordan and Kim interview Susan Crain Bakos about the elusive female orgasm.  In this episode you will learn how to turn women on and give them powerful orgasms.  Learn more about female orgasms from female experts.

Download audio file (Pickuppodcast101SusanCrainBakosInterview.mp3)

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Most people ask me:

How do I create hot game in a venue?
How do I open the entire club?
How did you bounce 48 girls?

If you havent seen me do that, watch the video below:

A long time ago I came up with my massive opener technology. I aptly titled it Hurricane Effect Theory since it made sense both in the way this tactic is used and since I am from Florida it made sense

Here it goes:

1. As soon as you enter the venue you open the first set in front of you.
2. Once the set is hooked you tell them “I’ll be right back. I see some of my friends and want to say hi” and walk off to the next set. This means you leave the set as soon as they hook.
3. Then you work your way to your next adjacent set. Its important to work from the closest sets to the door towards the middle of the venue in circles. The first set will be at the door, then you rotate either to your right or left until you get back around to the door where you started. Remember, once a set is hooked you will walk off to the next set by saying “I’ll be right back, I see some of my friends and want to say hi.”
4. Once you reach the starting location (the door or entrance) you continue to do circles inwards towards the center of the venue opening, hooking and moving to the next set.
5. When you finally reach the middle of the venue you should’ve opened and hooked around 20 to 50 sets. Remember not to get into to deep of conversation with any of the sets when you start this. You are just opening, hooking and moving to the next set to do the same.
6. When you reach the middle of the venue you spin back around outwards this time re-engaging all the sets you left opened.
7. The trick here is to merge all the sets you left open. You can merge the sets by saying “hey this are my friends I was talking about”
8. Its also important that you introduce them to each other and get conversations started between the obstacles so you can close your targets.

This is the most amazing routine ever IMO. I have used it time and time again to gain massive attraction. It takes approximately 3 hours in a medium size venue such as a club, bar, dance hall, etc.

The hurricane will allow you to build massive social proof, pre-selection, leader of men traits, social alignments and a ton of other attraction switches. The best thing is you dont have to say anything the attraction and jealousy plot lines will just formulate out of thin air.

Good Luck and post your feedback in the comments below!

Peace,
Speer =—->

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Ah, Halloween.

Wikipedia says that it started as a Gaelic festival in Ireland and Scotland where spirits could pass through into our world from theirs. As for where costumes came into the mix,

“It is believed that the need to ward off harmful spirits led to the wearing of costumes and masks. Their purpose was to disguise oneself as a harmful spirit and thus avoid harm.”

In the Modern Day

We have a somber, dignified holiday to honor the dead, celebrate the changing of the seasons, and… wait, this is America!

We’ve made the holiday our own–we encourage children to eat candy (by doing it ourselves), dress up like whatever we want (more on that in a minute) and support women wearing sexier costumes every year. I knew there was a reason I loved this holiday!

What Your Costume Says About You

There are a few posts scattered about the blogosphere about the Psychology of Halloween Costumes. Here’s what they had to say:

“[Studying the different characters people choose to be] may reveal something about the person that otherwise is not immediately obvious. … Maybe not even obvious to the owners themselves, he said. “People may simply say that they are wearing a particular costume because ‘I like it.’ When asked, they’re not sure what it says about them. But other people may know.”

Read the original article on SeattlePI to find out What your Halloween costume says about you

What They Left Out

Do you know what happens when someone goes into a virtual world–whether it’s Second Life, World of Warcraft, or some other role-playing game?

They’re free to represent themselves however they like, and create a new persona. Creating this “avatar” allows the person a “social mask” to hide behind. They begin to act like their character in that game, while they’re wearing the costume. See where I’m going with this?

The same thing happens on Halloween. Put on a superhero costume, and you’ll probably act more courageously. Be a villain and your evil side might take over. Dress as an animal and you’ll be less inhibited and might let your wild streak out of the cage. You get the idea.

One More Thing

Wearing a costume triggers “vacation syndrome”, or when you “take the weekend off” from your normal morals. It’s the same condition that makes girls who are usually reserved with their bodies show their tits in a Girls Gone Wild video. Or what makes a normally devoted guy/girl cheat on their lover. “We’re on vacation so it doesn’t matter, whoo!”

Social Masks and Pickup Artists

These are all examples of “Social Masks”, where we pretend to be someone else. A lot of budding PUAs unknowingly act like this when they practice routines or scripts, or even use lines that aren’t genuine. People can tell when you’re not yourself, and women are especially good at it.

Wearing a persona like this can make you feel invulnerable, and it can be useful for building up some confidence… but true confidence is generated when you can be genuine–be yourself–and take rejection on the chin.

But For Now…

Don’t worry about it! Go out, rock your Halloween costume, and have a great time. Oh, and tell Wonder Woman I said hello

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As you may know, The Art of Charm just finished our first European tour, completing programs in both London, England and Munich, Germany. We also had a lot of fun along the way, and during a discussion with Alex Weber, we realized there are some great travel tips we’d like to share with you guys. Enjoy!

Want to infiltrate the nightlife scene?

Do some daytime approaches and ask people your age where are cool places to go that night, or on the weekend. If they respond with something like “we’re going to XYZ club,” you can pretty easily invite yourself here. Have people save their numbers in your phone so you’re sure it’s correct, then send a text to confirm.

Staff at cool hostels are also great to ask about bars and clubs.

If you want to get a phone, the easiest way is to buy an unlocked tri- or quad-band GSM phone (try craigslist) and buy a cheap prepaid SIM card. If you’re going to be traveling among different countries, it may be worth it to spring for a worldwide phone and data plan. They can be pretty reasonable, or expensive. Shop around a bit.

Do any of you guys have tips about international phone plans? Leave a comment below!

Making the rendez-vous can be a bit of a challenge, so do your homework! First, read up on the culture to see if people tend to be punctual (Germany, Switzerland, etc) or are more… “relaxed” about time (France, Spain, the Caribbean, etc). Get a map so you know how to get around town,  and get places on time even they are unlikely to be. Bring something to amuse yourself (books work great here). Send them a text to let them know you’re on the way, and keep it to simple language–now isn’t the time to banter!

Text can lead to clearer communication since you have time to read, translate, and edit your message before sending it. Body language accounts for so much of communication when you’re not an expert in the language that phone calls can be very challenging.

photo credit: bigge_pckart

Buy a multi-country outlet adapter and bring a native power strip and you’ll be able to charge all of your ninja tools at once. This is especially awesome if you’re travelling with other people from the same country–they’ll appreciate your foresight.

Tipping and culture are different everywhere, so again, do your research. VirtualTourist.com is one great site, Alex recommends WikiTravel.org

Buy tickets for the train/bus/tram. If you don’t, you can get taken to the police and have to pay fines, it can seriously ruin your trip and your wallet. When I was in Budapest before, I didn’t buy a ticket and almost missed a train out of the city when the conductor found out. I had to run to an ATM to pay the fine, and barely made it back! Always buy a ticket.

Slide through airline security.

Wear as little metal and suspicious-looking clothes as possible. Avoid boots, as many airports will require you to take them off for inspection (even overseas!) If you can eschew a belt, do it.

Finally, one more trick from Alex that we all do now: bring an empty water bottle through security, (Sigg and Nalgene are two famous brands, but you can use anything here–even an empty Poland Spring bottle) then fill it up from a water fountain/sink by your gate. Presto! Free water on the plane.

Any other ninja travelers want to share their tips? Leave them below

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I want to share with you something profound that one of my teachers said in a screenwriting class I took several years ago. Although she said it to help one of my classmates improve his pages, it’s a perfect metaphor for dating.

But first, I have a question for you…

Are you hanging on to a woman that you don’t really like?

Are you terrified of what will happen if you “lose” her?

(Ok, that was two questions)

Look, I’ll be the first to admit that before I started learning about dating and relationships and building up my confidence, I was pretty, um, clingy.

I would date guys that I really didn’t respect or connect with that much–yet, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing them, because I knew that if they left, I would be left with a big empty space in my life.

Anyway, there I was in my screenwriting class, reading a classmate’s pages that were so hilarious all of us in the workshop had tears in our eyes we were laughing so hard. However, when the commotion died down…

Our brilliant teacher calmly told my classmate that while his pages were indeed funny, they didn’t work. They didn’t work with the story he was trying to write.

At first I thought, “Is she nuts? These pages are brilliant!”

But then I realized she was right…even though what he had written was entertaining, it actually didn’t integrate at all with the rest of his story.

Then, the teacher said the words that changed my life.

She looked at my classmate and said,

“Don’t worry, you obviously have the ability to write great comedy, so you’ll be ok cutting this scene because you can trust that whatever you replace it with will be even better.”

To this day, when something in my life doesn’t quite “work with the rest of my story,” I let it go.

It’s not always easy, but I remind myself that whatever I replace it with will be even better, just like the scene in my classmate’s screenplay.

But actually, there are two profound lessons to take away from this story…

1. No two things can occupy the same space at the same time.

If you don’t let go of something that doesn’t work for you, you can’t get something that does.

If you are letting a merely “decent” woman occupy space in your life, then there isn’t room for an amazing woman.

And no, there is no loophole…like dating two women at once to “cover the bases.” If you try to date a lot of women just to ensure that there will never be “empty space” in your life then you will always be filling up that space with women that are less than what you want.

So instead of imagining that there will be a vacuum in your life once you let go of a woman you don’t like, think of it as making room for the woman (or women) that are really what you want.

2. If you’ve done it once, you can do it again.

My teacher knew that my classmate would be able to let go of a scene that didn’t work and replace it with a scene that did because he had already proven, time and time again, that he had the ability to write funny scenes.

The same is true for you. If you attracted one woman into your life, you can attract more.

Let go of the idea that you have to stay where you are because no one else will want you.

There are over six billion people on earth, half of which are women. In other words, there really are plenty of fish in the sea.

So remember, if there’s a woman in your life right now that “doesn’t work with the story you’re trying to tell,” cut her out of your life. Know that you are constantly rewriting the story of your life, and you will always be able to put something—and someone–more fun and fulfilling in the pages ahead.

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So Jordan sent me a link to this video with the suggestion to point out where it’s right and where it might be leading guys astray. Here we go.

1. Generosity and loyalty are good, but your mindset must be right, otherwise it will convey neediness–which is NOT attractive.
2. “Be macho”? “Find your sensitive side”? Adopting a false front is never going to help you get what you want in your love life.

   If you want to sow your wild oats, it’s more important that you be congruent with this desire than that you adopt a persona that’s not you. In my experience, almost everyone wants to date around a bit AND find someone they can deeply connect with–you don’t have to pick one or the other, and you don’t have to act a certain way to experience both.

3. Starting a conversation with a compliment is a high-risk maneuver, and doing it properly is an exercise in subtlety. Yes, it can be done.

   The trick is whether you’re looking for a reaction or not. You can manipulate your body language to seem less needy–turn your head away after giving the compliment, for instance–but this will come naturally if you’ve got the right mindset.

4. Making her laugh is DEFINITELY important. In fact, this is why we recommend starting conversations with some playful banter lines if nothing else comes to mind. Being silly and not taking yourself seriously is one of the easiest ways to let someone else loosen up around you.

   Laughter (and what causes it) is more complicated than you may think! Check out this book on laughter and this article about why we laugh

5. Your attention is a very important tool in sparking attraction. Allowing a woman to feel she has your full awareness can be very rewarding for her, but again, it can also show a lot of neediness if she hasn’t done anything to earn your interest.

   Let’s simplify it this way: When you’re giving her your attention, she should have your full attention–but it doesn’t need to be constant.

6. “Women love a guy who automatically pays for dinner” — LOL! I love people who always buy me things too! This is NOT recommended if you’d like to take the dates past the restaurant.

   Some women will go on dates with guys because they know they’ll be treated to a nice expensive evening out and not have to pay for it, but it doesn’t mean they’re interested in the man at all! Keep an eye on how compliant you’re being and how much she’s reciprocating. Doing favors for each other is a mutual game.

7. You don’t need to own a home to be attractive, period. However, Women do tend to be attracted to men with the potential for social and economic success.

   Think about it for a second–a woman who’s looking to settle down may find a responsible homeowner to be a smart decision, but that doesn’t change the fact that most females are strongly attracted to rock stars every day of the week.

8. Show a fondness for children–Show her this trait if you have it, but don’t fake it. If you have little cousins or younger siblings, great. Don’t make it a point to bring up how much you like kids if it’s not true.
9. Tone your body–this is true. Putting a bit of time in the gym will make you feel better and more attractive, which will make you more attractive to her. Get in shape, ya slob!

10. Be Faithful–If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, this can be key. However, if she’s treating you poorly in a relationship, you should NOT continue to be faithful–end it instead! Staying in an unhealthy relationship just shows you don’t value yourself highly.

This video is definitely hilarious, but should be taken with a grain of salt. If you do all these tips it might work for winning over a woman in the 1950s, but the game has changed a bit since then. Don’t be a pushover, don’t act super-needy, and keep the relationship fairly balanced in terms of compliance.

However… this leaves out the whole middle section from meeting and attracting the girl to getting her out on a date in the first place, as well as how to plan great dates! Good thing we have tons of free advice on dating right here

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What is Kinesthetic (Kino) Imagery?

This is simple to explain, but first let me share some other benefits of using this remarkable tactic…

1. It will allow you to touch without seeming needy
2. Build concrete feeling to your storytelling.
3. Fire an additional sense in the person you are communicating with.
4. Allows you to physically escalate quicker.
5. Allows you to fabricate compliance tests out of thin air.
6. Making your target feel more comfortable with your touchs

and much more…

In order to understand Kinesthetic(Kino) Imagery we have to understand the basic senses behind all communication. Please see the image below (click to enlarge):

Communicating Emotions Through the Senses

The idea is that by firing more senses in the person you are communicating with, your communications are more efficient.

For Example: If you can tell someone something stinks and they can smell it you have triggered 2 of the 5 basic senses. 1 being hearing, and the 2nd being the smell.

This creates a more concrete reality that it stinks.

This goes the same for using Kinesthetics(kino) during storytelling. Anytime we story tell we are activating 2 of the 5 basic senses, one being hearing and the second being seeing.

Seeing is not with the eyes! According to leading research you see with your mind. This is why you can close your eyes and visualize something you have either not seen (based on description) or have seen before. This is also why it fires the sames brain areas when you see or imagine anything.

In order to make the stories more believable and more concrete we want to add in a third sense to the stories we tell, and we can do that by utilizing Kinesthetic(Kino) Imagery.

So lets get into it…

How Do You Utilize Kinesthetic (Kino) Imagery?

The idea is simple. You connect anything in your story in order to touch.

For Example: I usually tell stories about skydiving, or dancing in clubs.

In my skydiving story, Kino Imagery allows me to show her how the instructor was attached to me, or how I used the two levers when I parachuted down to control the chute. By telling her to place her hands on mine while moving them around showing her how I acctually controlled it. I fire off a touch and feel sensation.

In my dancing story, I demo the dance move I pulled by using this technique.

This allows me to touch (Kino) and make the story more believable along with myriad of other benefits listed above.

Remember, you are not limited to dancing and skydiving. Its more like anything you believe you can turn into a Kino compliance test through your storytelling will work just fine. This is hands down the easiest way to touch without seeming contrived or needy.

Speer =—>

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Last weekend I was sitting outside having lunch with a female friend of mine. We were having a great time together…until a cheesy, sleazy guy rolled up and starting hitting on me.

Now I will always give a guy the benefit of the doubt when he first approaches, so when he stopped and said, “Hey, you look familiar…” I played along for about 30 seconds. When it became clear though that this guy was just wasting our time, we asked him to leave—and had to ask several times before he actually did.

In case you hadn’t gotten the memo, approaching and flirting with a woman is supposed to make her day, not ruin it.

So I’m gonna break down the interaction with you, so you don’t make these classic mistakes.

1. Don’t ask for a girl’s phone number until you’ve established attraction and connection.

I know, seems like it should be painfully obvious, and yet, this guy’s third sentence was, “Can I call you sometime?”

Don’t assume that she will give you her number so you can then call her and “see if there’s something there”. There has to already be something there for a woman to feel comfortable giving out her contact info.

Oh, and asking for email or Facebook instead of a phone number because it’s “less threatening” is stupid. If you’ve properly created attraction and built rapport, then she won’t feel “threatened” by you anyway.

2. Don’t put her on the spot for rejecting you.

When I told this guy that he couldn’t have my phone number, he asked, “Why not?”

AAAAHHHHHH!

Every woman has a nicey-nice response to guys like this—mine is “I don’t give out my phone number to anyone outside of my family and close friends.” Yea, right.

Do you really need to hear her fabricated response? No. There’s only one reason why a woman has turned you down—she’s not interested.

And yes, I know, this should also be painfully obvious. However, it’s come to my attention that there are a few people out there peddling the advice that a woman “likes the chase” and “is playing hard to get” and she really wants you to persist.

I’ll admit that this is true for a small fraction of the time, but look, as a man who is in demand and has choices, do you really have time for these games? No. So whether her rejection is real or fake, as far as you are concerned, no means no and it’s time to move on.

Now this guy actually took it one step further and then made a scene by yelling,

“Why don’t you just tell me I’m a creep and that you want me to get lost?”

Thanks buddy, now everyone dining on the outdoor patio is looking at me thinking I’m a heartless b-word.

A woman has every right to turn you down. Again, accept it and move on.

3. Don’t keep talking to her once she’s turned you down.

This needs no further explanation.

4. Don’t hit on her friend once she turns you down.

This is seriously desperate behavior and it will not impress anyone.

Besides, no woman wants to be second prize.

The real overall issue here, though, is that this guy had the classic mindset of women as objects, and then he got upset when we responded like human beings.

Once he left, my friend literally expressed fear to me—“that guy was scary.”

Don’t be that guy.

Every woman out there is waiting for a guy to make her smile, laugh, and enjoy her time with him. This is a lot easier than it sounds. You don’t have to be super witty or funny—you just have to relax and engage her in a real conversation instead of a pick-up routine.

When you approach a woman, focus on creating a fun connection with her. She’s not a goal to be scored.

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“How to Seduce Difficult Women,” despite the title, is less of an instructional film than an account of how most of us guys only need a few tweaks, a little push, and some newfound brass balls in order to take our love/dating lives to the next level.

The Art of Charm crew screened this film about a year ago, and we recognized the archetypes of many of our past students in each of the guys in the film. Not surprisingly, we also recognized some of the trouble the main character experiences himself.

The film is loosely based around the life of the director, Richard Temchine a Frenchman by birth, and most definitely in demeanor. A friend of The Art of Charm, Richard has been a guest on SiriusXM’s ‘Game On’ with AJ and Jordan (Fridays at 8pm EST on Sirius 108 and XM 139).

Richard is known (at least by us here at AoC) for playing a heavy “numbers game”–skipping the ‘attraction’ and ‘rapport’ phases in The Art of Charm’s Interaction Map and going straight to ‘seduction’ right from the get-go. This, as you’ll see in the film, is one reason that Richard has been intimate with an unusually large number of women, but has dealt with serious relationship issues his entire life, as reflected in the film.

I recommend you guys take any opportunity to check out the film. Of course, anyone who has been to a bootcamp or teaches social dynamics for a living with get an extra-special kick out of it. Professional or not, we know you’ll enjoy it as much as we did.

Find out when and where the film is screening on HowToSeduceDifficultWomen.com

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