Ad Astra Per Aspera

Missing.

2011-12-27T22:27:00.001+08:00

Edited to add: Alhamdulillah, it has been found, safe and sound. A huge thanks to those who were on duty at LCCT International Arrival Hall's Duty Free Shop :) May Allah bless all of you!

Salam and good evening. I'd like to make a plea to anyone (passenger or flight attendant) who were on duty on AK 881 (Ho Chi Minh-KUL) flight that arrived at 1330 today (27/12/11).

If anyone found a pink Sony camera (DSC-TX5) with a sticker with my name (Amal) on it, (I was seated at aisle 16F, I think I may have dropped it on the floor) please, I beg of you, contact me on my FB or drop me an email (pink.crystal@gmail.com). If you really want the camera, it's fine by me (really, honest) but can I have the memory card pls? I've pictures of the whole trip in there and my parents really want the pictures.

Rewards will be given if it can be returned safely, thank you. Allah bless!

P/s: I've called the lost & found dept, they said they couldn't trace it down.

Fast.

2011-08-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.

For Allah has given us yet another opportunity to celebrate Ramadhan this year.

To do as many good deeds as possible, to collect as many pahala as one can.

InsyaAllah, let's pray that this will be a better Ramadhan than our last.

Don't forget to niat before sleeping, in case if you (me?) oversleep.

نَوَيْتُ صَوْمَ غَدٍ عَنْ أَدَاءِ فَرْضِ رَمَضَانَ هَذِهِ السَّنَةِ لِلَّهِ تَعَالَى

Sahaja aku puasa esok hari pada bulan Ramadhan tahun ini kerana Allah Taala.

نَوَيْتُ صَوْمَ شَهْرِ رَمَضَانَ كِلِّهِ لِلَّهِ تَعَالَى

Sahaja aku berpuasa sebulan Ramadhan tahun ini kerana Allah Taala.

I'm down to 1 pill of Duphaston. Which means... *cries* Code red in a few days to come!

Salam Ramadhan friends and family :) May Allah bless us with His best blessings throughout this holy month (and insyaAllah, forever).

P/s: Penyimpan mohor besar Raja-raja is a new person, after well, decades of seeing the same face? I missed the slow and steady (old style) intonation of the previous announcer though, heh.

Closer.

2011-07-30T02:59:00.000+08:00

Ya Allah, the One and Only God who has the Most Absolute Power of all.

For I am a very weak person. I am easily swayed by whispers of syaitan. My heart easily gets filled with impurity. My mind easily floats to the great beyond.

As we draw closer to Ramadhan, I beg of You. I beg for Your Mercy.

Please bring my heart closer to You, open my heart to You, shower me with Your love, guide me to the right path.

I beg of You, for You are the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate of all.

To open my heart to do all your bidding, to do more kindness to other creations of Yours. To always be sincere in doing anything. To always be ready and grateful to be able to help others.

Please protect me from committing the forbidden, keep my soul at peace all the time, save my mind from unneeded misery, shield my heart from unnecessary desires or feelings.

I want to be a better servant of Yours, I want to be able to constantly remember You in my heart, not only at times of hardship or at times of sadness.

I want to be a constantly grateful of Your blessings. Of Your mercy. Of Your kindness.

I want to be better than I've been for the past 1 year.

Please, for this coming Ramadhan, shine down Your light on me and guide me down the right path, to be closer to You, insyaAllah.

Help me to become a better person and graduate from Ramadhan with flying colours.

Open my heart to do your bidding to the maximum level I could do in this coming Ramadhan, Ya Rabb.

...

Hopefully I will live long enough to see Ramadhan again this year. 2 more days and I'm very eager to see what Ramadhan has to offer this year.

May this year's Ramadhan be a better one than last year's.

"Allahuma bariklana fi sya'ban wa balighna ramadhan"

2 more days, InsyaAllah.

May Allah bless us with the best of His blessings, always.

P/s: Please let the symptoms I'm having now be nothing but false alarm. Too early!

1240.

2011-07-23T00:49:00.004+08:00

Around 12 hours ago I had my first assessment of my EBM (evidence-based medicine) posting.

I was 50% sure that I failed. It was purely biostatistics.

But it doesn't matter.

I had a wonderful time at Dr. A's house with the usrah group.

Indeed it was a lovely food for my hungry soul.

Tomorrow is Saturday.

We've class from 9am-6pm.

I was pretty much speechless seeing the timetable.

But we are medical students.

Sacrifices have to be made.

It's okay.

Dengan niat kerana Allah s.w.t. InsyaAllah.

Anyway, I've 2 homes.

1 is my family home. Another one is my home at Cyberia, which I share with Fifa, Nebbe and Nab.

1240 hours, at the middle of the night.

From loud freaky shrieks to pillow talk on the green sofas.

Even if I'm 15 minutes away from my home sweet home of Subang Jaya.

I know that...

I'm home.

I'm a very lucky person indeed for Allah has indeed blessed me with the best of things :) Family, friends, sisters and everything.

Thank you, Ya Rabb.

Always.

2011-07-16T14:12:00.002+08:00

"Take it, please..."

Silvery blue, neither gas nor liquid was leaking as tears from his shadowed eyes. Harry collected the tears into a vial as Severus instructed him to later pour it into the Pensieve and see the memories.

"Look at me..."

Harry's green eyes found Severus' black orbs. Harry's hand was compressing the bleeding wound on Severus' neck, hard.

"You have your mother's eyes..."

Harry stared deep into Severus' emotion-filled eyes. Seconds later...

And Snape moved no more. (This quote is from the book)

I dare those who are avid readers of Harry Potter books to NOT cry watching that scene. Can you do it? I drenched the 3D glasses wet.

I still feel that they could've included more of Lily and Severus' friendship during 'The Prince's Tale' scene.

Alan Rickman's portrayal of Severus Snape was very heart-gripping, emotions-laden, and well, was just speechlessly fantastic. All the emotions that Severus has been bottling throughout the years were poured out before our eyes in 'The Prince's Tale' scene. He did justice to the character after years of being misunderstood by everyone in Hogwarts.

The one scene that I so wanted to read in the Deathly Hallows but was never written there, I found it in the movie.

The death of Lily and Severus' reaction as he sees her dead.

Not only me, but my brother and my mother, cried.

"My mother's Patronus, was a doe wasn't it? It was the same as Professor Snape's. Curious, isn't it?"

I wonder what that means. Was Harry curious of whether how Lily's patronus could be the same as Severus'? Was he curious on whether she'd loved him as well?

I have to see it again to appreciate the finer details.

The ending was spectacular. It was phenomenal. It patched up the disappointment I've had for the previous 7 movies.

I'm the books lover, more than the movies obviously. So I couldn't help comparing.

8.5/10.

This marked the closure of my childhood, finally. After the final release of the Harry Potter books series (The Deathly Hallows) and Toy Story 3, I can now say:

"Goodbye childhood. You've been wonderful to me. It is time to face the adulthood."

Well. Once a Potterhead, forever will be.

"After all this time?"

"Always."

P/s: 3D movie induces major headache.

Simon's.

2011-06-22T17:49:00.000+08:00

Dedicating this to all cat lovers. I'd seen this video more than 10 times and still get highly amused by it. Exactly like how my cats behaved.

Well, I still remember, quite vividly, my very first cat Kitty bringing back a bird (it was still half-conscious!) into our house just to show to us her catch of the day. Not long after that, she freaked my mum out by bringing back a dead rat. Still remember her smug little face as she showed her prized catch (that was lying dead on the door mat) proudly to us.

*facepalm*

Cats. Cannot live without them. And sometimes cannot stand them as well :p (Especially if they decide to annoy the heck out of you by sitting directly on the laptop's keyboard when you're doing your work).

Pepper, the new household member of my humble abode. Found by Fil, Nebbe & Abry @ Cyberia, and adopted as soon as I saw his picture. The little ball of fur is very the manja, loves feet (he likes to attack feet randomly and playfully bite them) and will meow out loud if he feels you're not paying him attention. Well, all cats do that, don't they?

Was first called Debab as she was literally short and a bit on the heavy side when she was little. She's still somewhat heavy-looking no thanks to her thick fur. And her short legs only make it worse. Now she's called Eebab, a nickname Mama calls her. She's a year-old feline who gets excited rather easily over little balls of paper thrown at her. And she has a soft spot for people whom can give her a superb tummy-rub. The only cat at home who's a direct descendant of out very first cat, Kitty.

She was saved by my brother from the back alley when she was a baby. Miraculously survived through those critical baby stages to grow up to be a loyal companion of Eebab. She gets scared pretty easily, especially by loud noise. She'd do anything just to get you to rub her tummy (Oh, she will roll around on the floor to catch your attention).

-----------------------------------
These are the only cats that are living inside my house. I've countless of cats living outside though, with endless food supply given to them on daily basis.

I will still get allergy rhinitis if I spend too much time playing with them. My brother, Amir, still sneezes on daily basis after going out to refill their foods. Yet I can't imagine how empty our lives would be without these lovely little furballs that Allah has blessed us with.

And they love thrashing our rooms!

Zzzz.

Hmm.

2011-06-21T03:30:00.002+08:00

Sibuk meng-edit other people's blog till I forgot to sweep off the thick cobwebs littering this blog.

The end of 3rd year. I still remember the very first day of my 3rd year.

Time flies by way too fast.

Need to update on IM, Paeds & O&G.

Later.

Easier.

2011-04-22T16:42:00.000+08:00

Some things are easier said than done.

If only words are just as loud as action itself.

Then it would be darn easy to solve everything.

I know that there's something Allah's trying to tell us here. Trying to teach us. Trying to unveil to us. There's something He's trying to make us learn here, but of course the lessons (outcome) of this... I've yet to discover the silver lining of it.

Anyway.

Now to find time to see a professional for this.

Can't believe I even dared contemplating the idea of consulting a specialist just for this kind of thing.

On the other note, I forgot to ask something just now. Just tell me if you want a definite physical space between us (apart from this coming one), I'm fine with it. I'd given too many spaces to too many people already. Crap, I should try to get rid of this annoying care-less attitude.

And I'm not going to give up on us just because you despise/loathe me.

That is a promise.

Regardless. That was something indeed.

Of all places to bawl at. Secret Recipe, really?

Okay, that's all.

Goodbye Putrajaya/Cyberjaya. Till we meet again in 3 weeks time.

P/s: Entangling self from the overly-powerful subconscious.

P/s II: I love my sisters.

P/s III: Maybe I should have told you about the ~~bag~~ I bought. Heh. Kidding. Haven't bought any for quite a while. Maybe later. Yep.

P/s IV: I miss thee - Sarah, Ain, Izie (in no particular order).

P/s V: Zipping mouth shut is not the best solution indeed. Still, if it can prevent from others being hurt...

Ngee.

2011-04-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah today I felt different, lighter, better. I could actually smile, freely and sincerely. Finally the annoying rhinorrhea is gone, no more stuffy nose and no more feeling sickly.

I'm enjoying O&G very much. It's very different compared to all previous postings.

Let's start looking at things optimistically, from the positive point of view.

And smile.

:)

For I must be thankful that Allah still loves me, for He has surrounded me with people whom I love and cherish very much, whom love me back (Well, I know some do :p); for He has blessed me with variety of foods and drinks to keep my stomach full; for He has given me a minuscule amount of His knowledge to make me a medical student; for He has given me the gift of a religion.

And for that matter.

Let's stop sulking like a 5-year-old and start enjoying life while it lasts.

And be thankful and grateful to Allah s.w.t. always.

Thank You, for everything :)

P/s: Let's study yaws.

Wish.

2011-04-18T22:51:00.001+08:00

My birthday is coming in a month time. Well, a month and 1 week (and 2 days, approximately). Reminds me of the whole expected date of delivery (EDD) and period of amenorrhea (PoA). I'm doing Obstetrics and Gynaecology posting now, 8 whole weeks of it.

I'd been bugging my mother subtly (Not really that subtle, to be honest haha) that I'm eyeing a new phone to help my daily life better (No, a smartphone doesn't really help much, it's just me being human and having desire to own something shiny to play with).

Well, that was my birthday wish.

But now, I've only 1 wish for my birthday. Coming birthday.

For Allah to fix this. Or for Him to guide us to fix this.

I don't want anything physical.

I just want things to be back to normal between us.

So we can be us again, like we used to.

I missed you, regardless of it being mutual or not.

All the best.

For now, come what may.

Even I myself am not sure of what to do anymore.

I can only hope, wish and pray. That it will not worsen. Or deteriorate till point of no return.

Allah forbid.

Apelah sangat angst-y malam-malam ni?

P/s: Leaving for Manjung this Sunday for 3 weeks of O&G there.

P/s II: Just to clear things up, the previous post entitled Low was about me, fighting against myself. It's complicated. Let it be. Someone had the wrong idea about it already, agh.

Low.

2011-04-09T20:17:00.002+08:00

You're about to read a silly ranting of an emotional person, beware.

Be grateful that you are nowhere near me right now...

...

You hit the lowest point tonight. All these while I could tolerate it. Yet tonight you drove me into tears.

How ironic was it that you asked me to change yet one of the main reasons that induced such a negative change at the first place was you?

Yeah, I could have said it blatantly to your face but you know me very well as the person who gets migraine putting other's welfare/feelings before my own. I don't think you would accept the finger-pointing had I done it back then.

I'd never wish for you to feel what I'm feeling right now, as I doubt you'd survive being in my shoes for even one day.

I'm cutting you some slack for you are just a human, nowhere near perfect as I'd always hoped you are. Yet how much longer could I tolerate without showing grossly how badly it had affected me?

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

We'll see how it goes later on. Maybe you were right.

We were not meant to be together.

I wish I could easily loathe you. Despise you. Alas, I treasure whatever that's left of us very much.

Maybe I should have told the absolute truth. But then again, isn't it better to just keep quiet and sakit hati all by myself instead of hurting you?

Speak the truth though it hurts.

I wish I could apply it to you. I couldn't.

Forgive me Allah for feeling so rotten like this. Over a petty little issue that could easily be solved if not for my unwanted trait on caring too much other's feelings.

Make me stronger. Create a thicker wall of concrete to keep my inner safe.

Allah bless.

P/s: Paediatrics long case final clinical exam this Thursday. Pray for me.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Kids.

2011-03-05T21:19:00.000+08:00

Currently doing Paediatric posting @ HPJ. We'll be entering our 3rd week comes Monday.

Time sure flies by so fast.

Oh, Plushie's missing. She's my beloved main cat.

I can't afford to lose her.

Wow.

2011-02-19T22:44:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is Sunday.

I haven't really enjoyed my holidays.

Too many things to do.

Too many things happened :)

And my laptop has been crashing again and again for the past 2 days.

Windows failed to load.

'Operating System not found' when I attempted Safe Mode boot.

Startup repair failed.

Had to use Vaio Recovery CDs to boot the laptop.

And just now I'd to buy (and broke myself completely, currseeesss) a 500Gb external HDD to backup my laptop.

Gonna attempt full reformat tonight. No, I'm not a tech geek. I'm a person who knows how to read instructions.

I know I should've bought Mac instead of Windows-using-Vaio at the first place.

Bleh.

P/s: What a very gay post.

Breakeh.

2011-02-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

I am now... On my bed, staring at the laptop, listening to my iTouch, with... Paeds books laid in front of me.

Today is Day 2 of a week of hols. Yes, I'm a nerd. Last night I neatly plastic-wrapped my books while watching Cerekarama with my mother. Hmm... shiny books. I have a feeling that I'll be loving Paeds very much.

I hate it when people say the hols are boring, blah3x, yadda3x, having nothing to do. Ungrateful much? And who was the one who whined like an idiot when the workload was too much during the normal school days? Pfttt.

Bored? Study for the next posting. Takmau? Then stop complaining.

Anyway.

I'm gobbling down a piece of SR's Chocolate Mudcake.

Yesterday I'd a heart-to-heart (Woots) session with Izie over breakfast @ Subway (!!), with #31 Love Potion for dessert. The day before I finished 1 quart of #31 Love Potion in 1 sitting while watching S4's The Big Bang Theory.

Remind me to slap myself if I whine about my weight in a week to come.

For now, sile la bercuti habis-habisan...

P/s: Internal Medicine's official blogpost will be posted later. Lazy.

Lucks.

2011-02-09T01:19:00.000+08:00

All the best for tomorrow.

Out of 8 Internal Medicine students who're in Terendak now, 5 will be having their end of posting-clinical exam tomorrow. 3 of them namely Fifa, Farid and Nawwar had started their hols earlier on Monday (with Dr. A). So yeah.

This is it. Our final battle. Well, not our final final battle with Int Med. We still have our Int Med written paper in June. We still have 2 more Int Med rotations in 5th year. But yeah, final Int Med clinical exam of 3rd year. Rawr.

Syafiq and I will be facing Prof ARAR *inserts major gasps!*. Aliah, Eliza and Nazif with Dr. I.

Only Allah knows how I feel right now.

Scratch all those sympathetic nervous system.

My adrenal glands are exhausted to the core for having persistently secreted too much adrenaline for the past few hours (and days).

Maybe I'm hypertensive right now, who knows? My head's throbbing. Now where's a sphygmomanometer (BP apparatus) when you need one? Urgh.

*palpitation*

Ohemgee, I cannot feel my radial pulse!!!

Pulseless ventricular tachycardia!

Oh wait, there's my carotid pulse!!

Alive!!

*asfdhfkslhfshf*

Ya Rabb, please make it sail smoothly.

May we.

Answer fluently.

Perform confidently.

Leave the hospital happily.

And pass IM with flying colours, easily.

Ameen.

...

White coat, checked.

Pen torch, checked.

Tendon hammer, checked.

Tongue depressor, checked.

Orange stick, checked.

A pack of cottons (sterile dowh!), checked.

Eraser & 50cent coin (for stereognosis exam), checked.

What else.

What else?!?!

Oh, pen and notebook, checked!

What else!??!?!

STETHOSCOPE!!!! Okay checked.

Poke diaphragm to contract every few seconds so I won't go hypoxic, checked!

*hyperventilates*

Okay, off to bed. Wait. Pray first.

Pray for us all, please :) Thanks! Wish us luck!!

P/s: Pray for me, please? Should not be too much to ask from you, right? :)

Pray.

2011-02-04T18:35:00.000+08:00

Ya Allah, please let me pass my long case with superb marks.

Finding out whom my long case examiner is will definitely exhaust my adrenal glands over the weekends.

During Surgery, I got Mr. AAA.

Now...

I'm getting Prof. ARAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*pulls hair out*

Is it my luck that I keep getting top lecturers each time?

*drops dead*

I need your prayers, people!

All the best for our Internal Medicine clinical exam Group 5!

Rx.

2011-01-31T02:13:00.000+08:00

Rx = Drug.

So. Random fact of the night, I'm allergic towards Macrolides (A type of antibiotic). Real allergy reaction towards Macrolides is rare. My reaction is the milder one, which consists of persistent diarrhoea until the GIT exhausts itself, or until it's been metabolized, or in my case until I get re-dehydrated enough to get another couple of pints of salt (pshhh) drained into my already thrombosed vein (Ah, reminiscing those old days...). Unsure whether I'm allergic towards all in Macrolide class but Azithromycin will never touch me again. Lemme try Erythromycin next. If it yields the same result, then no more Macrolides for me.

Why the sudden drug talk?

Studying Pneumonia. Fever, dyspnoea, productive cough.

5 types of Pneumonia:
a. Community-acquired (CAP): CAP is further divided into typical and atypical pneumonia.
b. Hospital-acquired
c. Healthcare worker-acquired
d. Ventilator-assisted
e. Aspiration

Please remember the responsible orgs for each category, thank you.

Assessment of severity of CAP: CURB 65
C - Confusion
U - Urea more than 7mmol/L
R - RR > 30/m
B - BP less than 90/60mmHg
Age - More than 65yo

Investigations
FBC - Hb, neutrophilic (?) leucocytosis
ESR, CRP
CXR - Consolidation, lobar pneumonia?
Sputum, blood C&S
ABG
RP/LFT
Invasive if nak sgt suggest: Broncoalveolaar lavage, lung biopsy

And now I'm... off to bed.

Checklist: ~~Endocrine~~ and... ~~asthma, pneumonia, CoPD~~

Sixth.

2011-01-29T21:11:00.000+08:00

Today is Saturday.

I'd been in a pretty bad mood for the last 1 week, much to my groupmates' dismay. Pity them, my sincerest apologies for my worst behaviour. To make it even worse, I'd been red-flagged since Tuesday. To announce to them that I'd been having sore throat, daily runny nose, chest tightness and daily fever would be.. A bit redundant, or an overstatement, since I am widely-known as the person who falls sick rather easily. Besides, the only thing that was affected was my mood. I was still running around in my white coat, a bit irresponsible one might say, spreading the whatever unknown infection I have around. I did wear a mask on Friday when my cold worsened. I get tired easily, I couldn't stay up at night after 1am (2am max). Gees.

The thing is, my usual monthly fever would only surface at night. This time, it's always there. Day and night. So here's my case presentation of my own case.

A 23-yo ~~lady~~ girl complained of 6 days of persistent fever associated with sore throat (6 days), myalgia (6 days), runny nose (6 days), fatigue, headache (6 days, worsened at night), cough (started today) & LoA (started today).

Sounds like common flu. Mum's been nagging to get my blood tested.

Ironic how I started having all these symptoms after arriving at Terendak. Curse that super cold aircond in the room. It's hazardous, I tell you!

Urgh. Even after stealing my brother's Clarinase my nose is still runny.

Ya Rabb, please make me better please. Ameen.

Can I buy a whole new immunity, please?

Zzz.

Now to finish my case writeup.

*continues coughing like a madman*

P/s: I managed to awe my parents by ordering hot chocolate during lunch instead of any normal cold drinks that I seem to be attached to (with an unbreakable chain). I could hardly breathe, what do you expect? Even the usually-superlicious seafood spaghetti seemed to have lost its charm. Goodbye appetite, see you soon.

Yawns.

2011-01-29T13:22:00.000+08:00

P/s: Skip the medical parts, I'm sleepy :p Yes, it's noon. So what.

End of week 1 at Terendak Hospital. Ahhh. Feverish all week long, no thanks to super cold aircond at the resort!! Blehhh.

Yesterday...

Morning: Clerked mine/El's stroke patient. We did have fun doing the PE because he marked my first ever patient who laughed when I asked him to say 'ninety-nine' while testing his tactile vocal fremitus, cehhhss. Bibasal reduced air entry, dull at the same place upon percussion, reduced tactile as well... CNS exam: Right sided-weakness (mostly 3/5), CVS: DRNM. Abd: Soft, non-tender.

Afternoon: After lunch we went to Malacca town, Putra Specialist Hospital to be exact to see our honorary lecturer, Dr. NI (a cool cardiologist). So after Friday prayer, he brought us to see... ANGIOOOO. Okay fine, I've seen one before, dad's (2 years ago?) but still, cool! Afterwards we'd 2 BST session. Patient #1: Aortic stenosis + regurgitation. Interesting, no? It's hard to separate ESM and EDM at first but after listening for 10 seconds, you could hear the difference in intensity (ESM is louder and EDM is softer, like exhalation sound) plus, he has palpable thrill (oh, his ESM radiates to both sides of his neck!) and there was parasternal heave. Yepsss. And of course, displaced apex beat. Patient #2: Clicky-clicky. Mechanical Mitral valve with slight regurgitation. So clicky-clicky. We'd to do PE and Hx-taking with them, fun~ BST ended at 5pm. Then... I drove like a maniac back to Putrajaya. Oh, stuck in jam for 20 mins or so (there was an accident at highway) and lotsa car, lotsa annoying tailgaters and...

Night: Reached putra at 7pm, dinner and class with Dr. R at 8-10.30pm. GIT cases and he even treated us with free drinks during break, heh. Oh rindu Dr. S and Dr. R. Then after sending Fifa back to Cyberia, drove back home and collapsed on bed instantly. Oh wait, that was before I discovered the superbness of Unifi. I managed to download 10 episodes of House S7 in less than 1.5hours. Yes, awesome, no?

And afterwards, I just had to watch like 2 episodes of it la kan..

Now. To finish CWU and also, to go out for lunch with family.

Rawr. Have a great weekend y'all.

Sunset.

2011-01-23T01:02:00.000+08:00

On Wednesday, after having class at 5-7 with Dr. R, I sped off to Cyberjaya for Maghrib prayers and prep myself for dinner. I'd planned to stay at Cyberjaya instead of going back home to Subang (Thursday was Thaipusam break) since I had to go out and get little Farhah's bday gift the next day (MidVal Toys 'R Us) plus we were going to have class at 8-10pm as well. Halfway back home at Cyberia, I looked to the right and saw this:

Breathtaking columns of red-orange lights shooting out from the horizon. Very mesmerizing indeed.

I stopped the car at the sideway and took a picture of it. I stared at it like 10 minutes before leaving the spot, smiling.

Indahnya ciptaan Allah :)

Terendak.

2011-01-23T00:54:00.000+08:00

Finally it's my subgroup's turn to enter the field of war. Where we will suffer if we're not competent enough, where we'll be grilled till we hangus terbakar by his honourable Prof. R & of course to counter those, we'll be seeing the sea, the beach, the swimming pool, the good foods and of course, the fully a/c-ed rooms again. Heh.

Off to Terendak y'alls. 3 weeks. If Dr. R & Dr. S decide to have a class on the weekends, we'll be coming back to Putra of course. Till then...

Allah bless us, Group 4T! Me, Pips, Elizots, Aliah, Nawwar, Syapeqs, Farids & Nazips. Woots.

Oh, yesterday we went out for dinner (At Dapurmas @ Precint 9) with Dr. S & Dr. R. And they brought their cute little daughter, Farhah, along!! Thanks Dr's for everything, for the foods (They belanje-ed us okayyy!), the endless knowledge, the time willingly spent for us... Everything! Alhamdulillah Dr. S passed her viva (She just had it before coming for dinner with us) :) We had a surprise birthday celebration for Farhah, who'd just turned 1 last week (or 2 weeks ago?). Cute little tot who loves pink ♥

Ahh. Start packing already!

And I've fever. Headache. Sore throat.

Bleh.

P/s: Week 6 & Week 7. Week 8 = clinical exam!!! *le dies*

Haha!

2011-01-17T18:22:00.000+08:00

"They used to think people with photosensitivity (skin) allergy are vampires since they can't go out in the sun and stay inside till night time. Like Edward Cullen. But Edward Cullen sparkles under the sun. So weird..." - Dr. S, the brilliant IM specialist using Twilight analogies to explain diseases. She later used 'Jacob Black' to describe Hyper Trichosis.

I never knew clinicians watch... Twilight. Indeed a lol moment :D

No, I'm not a big fan of it.

But she did make my day brighter alright :D

And I strongly despise Dermatology. Argh.

To describe those lesions.

Macular. Papular. Nodular. Vasicular. Bullae. Annular. Plaque. Lichenification. Excoriated eczema. Ulcer. Erosions. Fissure. Desquamation.

I did, however, have a sway of thought today while drowning in between those medical jargons.

"What did I get myself into?"

It happened for 10 seconds. I was scared to the maximum level. Will I ever be competent enough to understand and remember all these things we were supposed to know today?

There are a lot of skin manifestations of systemic diseases and what if... What if mistakes are done?

What if the mistakes done lead to deterioration of the patient's health? What if, it ends up with the worst ending of the spectrum?

Will I be able to live with the burden of guilt for the rest of my life?

Dr. R did say that "You will have several deaths in your hands before you become the best doctor. But of course we'd want to prevent those."

The question is: Am I strong enough to survive through a death (and Allah forbid, multiple of them) and move on to work on the next patient?

We'll find out soon, won't we? For now, my job is to swot my behind off and absorb all these core knowledges like a sponge.

"Ad astra per aspera"

Pft.

2011-01-15T16:33:00.000+08:00

"(You) Having chose medicine, do act like a respectable and honorable medical student. Prove that you deserve to be in this field."

Okay, terase... Zzz.

Hmm.

I wonder what will happen in 10 years time. Okay, make it 15 then. Since one of my biggest dreams after becoming a specialist is to contribute back to my alma mater (oh, I dream of being an honorary lecturer alright), I wonder whether my students will drive me up the wall that time as well. Hopefully not please.

And so our exam revision class today with Dr. R had to be canceled due to one reason. A lot of people couldn't make it.

Whatttt?

Those who really couldn't make it today due to other important commitments are of course, okay la. Like Kak J, kesian die, suddenly today coincide with her son's already-planned birthday party (Happy 6th Birthday D!!). Excusable la. Orang2 Terendak tu faham la, penat weh nk dtg ke sini dan balik! Yang tak di Terendak pula? Rase malu sebab Dr. R yang beria nk buat kelas hari ni, skang ni kne cancel plak.

Alright, let's be husnuzon la okay. Maybe there are inevitable matters that couldn't be avoided, perhaps? Hopefully.

Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm being unfair. But if Dr. R is willing to sacrifice his weekend time with his family to do a 2-hour class with us, why can't we do the same? Did we not sign up for this 3 years ago when we stepped into the field at the first place?

I feel Goddarn inadequate still! Fine, I'm not as gifted as others may be, I'm not a memorizer, obviously I feel like an idiot child still. I feel like I've nil amount of knowledge needed to get through this posting! So many things to learn, so many things to see, so many things to absorb. Fine, so I'm obsessed with wanting to learn more. Wanting to gain more. Wanting to be more knowledgeable. Guilty as charge.

Because I want to become an excellent ~~medical student~~ doctor.

So be it. Haih. Nasib baik Dr. R ckp nk buat kelas besok. See? The dedication of a wonderful doctor. On Sunday! He couldn't do a night class since he wants to spend time with his wife/child. Ya Allah, you blessed us with such wonderful lecturers to guide us, what more can we ask for? We shouldn't be doing this to them!

Memang la aku kne kutuk lepas ni kan? Ape2 lah...

It's the weekend. If nak pakse diri sendiri blaja tu sumpah la susah kan. Argh.

P/s: Sad.

P/s II: I am a family person too, that's why I go back home every weekend, regardless of how tired I am. I'm the eldest and the only daughter, tanggungjawab kat family is undeniably sebesar gajah. So to hesitate and to be reluctant of sacrificing weekend, I understand that. But my parents were there when I decided to go for it. They knew what I signed up for. It was hard for them to accept it at first but they're used to it by now. Can't help but feel pleased by the looks in their eyes when they see I'm struggling hard for this. To realize my biggest dream.

P/s III: Staying at home beats spending time with friends and for that, I'd like to apologize to my friends for the lack of time-spent-together.

Now: Study.
Tonight: Date with parents.
Tomorrow morning: Relax.
Tomorrow @ 1430: Class with Dr. R.
Afterwards: HPJ to clerk patients.
Night: Revise for Monday. Yeah.

Busy-Bee.

2011-01-14T23:28:00.002+08:00

Today's Agenda
0745: Arrived at HPJ @ 0745 hours.
0800-1000: CME (continuous medical education, some sort of like a seminar)Radiology class @ 1000-1200: Radiology class with Dr. AJ
1200-1300: Went to pay Fifa's saman and lunch
1300-1400: Helped housemen to fill in forms for lab tests + roam around the ward
1400-1430: Prayed & napped @ surau
1500-1630: TBL & case presentation with Dr. M
1700-1900: Rest
2000-2200: Night class with Dr. R.
2230: Finally back home @ Subang.

Now: Falling asleep... Ahhh.
Tomorrow: Revise for Dr. R's class. Class with Dr. R at 1500. Oh yeahhh.
Sunday: Clerk patients @ late afternoon. Revise for Dr. S' class.

Rawr.

Lately: Class in the morning and afternoon. In between, patient-~~hunting~~ clerking and procedures-observing. In the end I'd find myself sleeping right after Maghrib till like 4-5am and woke up to shower/study/blah3x, before heading back to bed after Subuh. At 7am, the cycle starts again.

Ohh. Sounds boring? Never!

Yesterday was different than the day before, today is in no way the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be even better (InsyaAllah).

Yesterday (Thursday) was the most eventful day of my IM rotation.

Fifa and I helped (okay exaggerating la kan menolong, a little maybe like 5%) to resuscitate a patient (who was admitted for Anaemia) who went into Cardiogenic Shock. We watched her BP plummeted right before our eyes before her vital monitor was unable to take her reading. The housemen too failed to get her BP reading manually. The patient had a huge haematoma in her right thigh due to previous ABG (arterial blood gas) blood take at the Femoral Artery (and wasn't compressed properly to help blood to clot). The fact that she was on Warfarin didn't help much. So Fifa had to compress the site with gauze for 10 minutes or so as the doctors frantically tried to insert double branulas into her Femoral Veins (the one at her right foot had thrombosed and the IV saline drip was barely moving. Oh, she was receiving packed cell transfusion at the same site as well). Finally they succeeded and they started infusing Gelofusin (colloid) instead. They had the crash cart at her bed already, was ready to intubate when an MO came and said that the patient was signed for conservative treatment only. Okayyy. So no intubation.

Miraculously, her BP started going up, good enough to keep her alive. Oh, she had massive Melaena and on PR examination (in between the resuscitation), there was Haematochezia.

Alas, Allah is indeed the Most-Knowing of all. The patient passed away today morning at 0650 hours... Another death also took place at the next cubicle and later at noon, a patient of Farid passed away as well. It was hard to see the distraught relatives walking around in the ward obviously distressed and anguished by the death of the patient yet we'd to remain stoic, professional as we'd be facing this again and again.

I guess becoming a doctor indirectly makes a person somewhat cold-hearted.

Oh, yesterday late afternoon (at 5pm) we assisted a HO to do blood C&S. Cool. Next time I wanna do it myself, may I? And we did practice withdrawing blood from Farid's poor brachial/cephalic veins. Hahaha...

Thank you Allah for blessing me with such burning passion for medicine that I'm loving my life so much right now, despite being super duper busy like whatever.

P/s: Sorry friends, I'm too sleepy to use layman terms, sincere apologies if there's any confusion in between.

P/s II: Forever thankful to Allah for giving us the best Clinicians to us.

P/s III: May Allah bless the souls of those who'd lost their lives today. From Him we came, to Him we shall return.

Good night. Zzz.

Week-no-end.

2011-01-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

Saturday: 0830 - 1500 hours @ Putrajaya RC (resource center). ECG workshop with beloved Dr. S. I so love her :) Plus, Dr. R & her belanje us brunch siap! No need to worry about ECG anymore! Seeing their sincerity and burning passion in teaching us, sacrificing their weekend and free time to train us to become superb doctors, their effort to make learning fun and their concern about our welfare drive us forward.

And they are the reason why I'm in love with Internal Medicine now :)

I'm even more motivated to realize one of my top dreams: To become a clinical lecturer one day at my alma mater. Hehe.

Be it a surgical lecturer or a medical lecturer la. But seriously, I doubt I ca be just as patient as 99% of the IM lecturers... Well, 1% of them are superbly garang but they are sangatlah bijak pandai dan hebat so kne marah dan bambu tu perkara biase but still scary, regardless.

What a short weekend. Still doing case write-up, due tomorrow, muahaha.

Zzzz.

P/s:

Someone: Pelajar Cyber eh? Ahh.
Me: *smiles*

Gah.

Teruk ktrg kne, ktrg jugak yg jumpe patients and members of the public. Pernah fikir tak rasenye your action would affect US?

Jage la sape yg gatal sangat panggil newspaper aritu, ganyang same kamu. Allah bless you lah.

P/s: Alhamdulillah, Comm Med passed. Hahahahaha. I don't even want to know what I got for it :p I'm curious what grade did I get for Surgery though. Pending senate approval.