…the days are cold, and the nights are even colder. I’ve been piling on the layers on all four boys, and I’ve been wearing Rick’s thick socks every night to bed. We turn on the electric blanket every evening and we almost don’t bother with the cold water tap anymore when it comes to showering. Thankfully, none of us currently have colds but I’m bracing myself for the next round of coughing and runny noses. We continue to churn through bread topped with Vegemite, peanut butter or ham – the one constant item on the boys’ lunch menu. I, on the other hand, have been over-indulging in cashew nuts, Milo and dark chocolate, and I have not been doing any exercise. I desperately want to complete some photo books, but I find it so hard to focus in the evenings. The boys seem so much older to me all of a sudden, so different to how they were even just a month ago. I’m doing my best to write it all down: the good, the bad, and the hilarious details that warm our hearts late at night when we’re in bed – exhausted, spent, yet full of love and pride.

p.s. Thank you for all your beautiful responses to yesterday’s post. You are all amazing.

I had big plans for tonight.

I was going to write three blog posts in one go. I was going to finish two photo books and start on a third one.

But instead, I find myself hurting. Aching. Crying. Remembering.

Earlier this evening as we were preparing the boys for bedtime, Rick suddenly realised that Angus was turning five this year. Then he realised that Cameron would be turning six. We both fell silent at that point.

Six years on, and we miss him no less.

Our arms may be fuller, and our lives may be busier, but our loss is no less.

His absence is no less.

We’ve simply learnt to live with it, that is all.

Tonight I keep returning to that day when I sensed something was wrong. When I realised we needed to go to the hospital. When we were told it was too late.

When one sentence changed our lives forever.

It has been a long time since I’ve read through my journalling in the days and months after Cameron died. But in the lead-up to his sixth anniversary in September, I plan to go back. To read. To weep. To remember. To cherish those memories, painful as they are.

Because it is good to cry. And it is good to remember. It is good to relive the darkness, to help me appreciate the light.

Crying is a blessing, and tears are a gift. They are proof of my love for Cameron. They are proof of the life that he lived.*

Tonight I feel grieved. And empty. And sad. But that is okay. It’s just part of our story.

A life without Cameron. That is what we live.

A lifetime without Cameron. That is what we face.

I love you, little guy. I wish you were here.

I miss you, little guy.

Every day.

Every year.

*Quoted from this post.

Thanks so much for all your encouraging comments in response to my question about whether or not you like to see every single one of my Project Life spreads. You guys are so sweet – and it really is so nice to know that some of you like to sit down with a cup of tea to read these posts of mine. That just makes me smile big time! Anyway, I think I’ll continue to post most weeks, unless it doesn’t feel right to for a particular week. I have, however, decided to stop posting the larger images of my pages. Seeing as I’m journalling more now, I think it’s right for me to keep that private for the boys’ sake. I have no doubt whatsoever that you’ll all understand.

What happened in Week 22?
It was the week I launched my memory keeping giveaway, the week that Edward had his six-week checkup, the week that we went over to my parents’ place for Edward’s ‘full month’ dinner (a Chinese tradition), the week that the last autumn leaves fell, and the week that I started to document our daily rituals (more about that in another post).

Number of pages and inserts?
Just the usual two page layout for Week 22 (using Design A photo pages), along with two 8×10 vertical inserts. For one of the inserts, I did a layout of some photos from our trip to the playground down by the lake, which didn’t fit in the main spread. For the other insert, I included family photos (which I’d converted to black and white) from the dinner at my parents’ place.

How were the photos taken and processed?
All the photos were taken on my iPhone 4S camera. All the photos, except for one, were processed using VSCO Cam on my iPhone. The other one was processed in Aperture on my Mac using the VSCO Film 01 Kodak Portra 800+ preset.

Favourite photo(s) from Week 22?
I have two favourites from this week. The first is the one of Angus on the second page (top left). He was sitting in the doorway to the boys’ room that morning looking very sad because I’d asked him to wear a puffy jacket. The light happened to be gorgeous so I caught the moment on my iPhone. The second is of Pete on the second page (bottom left) waking up from his nap in the afternoon all happy and cheerful. Again, the light was beautiful and I couldn’t resist photographing his infectious smile.

Overall thoughts?
I adore the colour palette that resulted from this spread – the warm hues of orange and gold seem to balance out the cooler hues of purple and grey. Somehow, it all works. I also love all the shots of the boys I managed to include, and I’m stoked that I kept up the journalling.

Supplies used?
Becky Higgins Design A page protector; Becky Higgins 8×10 vertical page protector; Kodak 210gsm glossy premium photo paper. All photos printed on the Canon MG6360 Pixma using genuine Canon ink.

* * *

Other posts you might be interested in reading:
My weekly Project Life process from beginning to end
Tips on taking photos for Project Life
What you need to get started with Project Life

You can read all my Project Life posts here.

* * *

Project Life is a system created by Becky Higgins that is designed to simplify your efforts to document life and help get your photos into a book. To learn more about the product and how to get started, click here.

(Linking up with The Mom Creative.)

We had such a lovely, lazy day off today. Rick drove us all the way to The Armchair Collective in Mona Vale so that I could enjoy my favourite BRT (bacon, rocket and tomato). Words cannot express how insanely yummy that sandwich is. No one does bacon the way they do bacon. Delicious BRT aside, we also had some awesome fun with the boys. We chased each other. We sang together. We did Ring a Ring o’ Roses together. Rick carried them around on his back (he was a bear, not a donkey). I swung them around. Everyone told everybody else that they loved them. Simple but wonderful joys. I may not be able to stop my little boys from growing up, but at least I can do my best to soak up every moment with them as they are now and store it all up for the future.

Wishing you all a lovely weekend ahead!

You can see all the other textures here.

This plane arrived on Sunday afternoon with Pa and Nan. Their friend’s grandson had outgrown it and therefore he’d passed it onto Rick’s parents to give to our boys. Pa very sneakily left it on our driveway and simply waited until the boys went outside and spied it of their own accord. Angus jumped in it straight away and spent the next half an hour or so pedalling it around. (His aviator jacket was very fitting.) Jamie had a go too, but his legs were too short to reach the pedals. Thankfully, Pa was on hand to help push him around. Pete, however, was feeling quite fragile after his nap, so it wasn’t until the next day that he went in the aeroplane. The other two were very good at letting him have his turn and at one stage, I walked out into the backyard to see Pete in the plane, Angus on his scooter, Jamie on his car and Rick (arguably the biggest boy of them all) on Pete’s car all riding around in tandem to each other. It was gorgeous.

This Saturday, I am heading off to the Sydney Craft Expo at the Sydney Convention Centre to help out at the Project Life stand. I’ve never been before and am quite excited. I even had these gorgeous business cards printed by Moo so that I’ll actually have something to hand out. I’ll also be bringing my Project Life album with me, and I look forward to sharing it with those who are there. If you are planning to go, do let me know!

I am thankful that the house is quiet and that all four boys are asleep.

I am waiting for the kettle to boil, so that I can make myself hot Milo.

I am wearing red socks and an oversized winter coat.

I am wondering why my feet are still cold.

I am looking forward to Rick coming home so that we can sit down and chat.

I am also anticipating a big, warm hug.

I am rather exhausted from a bad night’s sleep.

I am re-charged from three hours spent out of the house.

I am dreaming up new plans and sketching out ideas.

I am resigned to the fact that my mind never rests.

I am excited by the response to the LIFE:CAPTURED workshop.

I can’t wait to start delving into all the content.

I can hardly believe how big Edward is getting and how chubby his cheeks are.

I am completely in love with his smiles and coos.

I am so proud of the older boys for their gentleness with Edward.

I am in awe of these little men whom God has entrusted to us.

I continue to miss Cameron, who would be turning six this year.

I wish he were with us today. Every day.

I am remembering each day how blessed I am.

I am working hard each day on patience and grace.

I am doing my best to cherish today.

I am still learning how to simply be present.

I am now drinking my Milo, which is warming my insides.

And I am grateful to all of you, who continue to read.

This last week I made an effort to document our morning ritual, which is something I don’t think I’ve ever really done before as our mornings are usually so busy and stressful. But this week, I told myself to slow down during that first hour. To pause. To look around me and observe the beauty amidst the chaos…

Thank you to everyone for all your kind words about the LIFE:CAPTURED workshop. By the end of the first day, we had only a few places left and by yesterday evening, we had officially sold out. Trish and I are beyond thrilled and so thankful for your wonderful support. I can’t wait to meet everyone who’s coming and I’m looking forward to sharing little glimpses of our behind-the-scenes work leading up to the workshop.

You can see all the other fleeting moments here.

(Linking up with Em.)

I’ve been so nervous and excited about today’s announcement that I’m quite sure I haven’t slept properly all week. But finally I can share this with you all: my friend Trish from Tealily Photography and I have teamed up to bring you Life:Captured, an intensive, full-day memory keeping and photography workshop.

I’ve had the smallest inkling of this idea ever since I decided to stop doing freelance work as a graphic designer last year. But I told myself back then not to rush into anything – to pause, to take it slowly, to simply enjoy the clean slate. I didn’t want to make any rash decisions. I wanted to be sure that whatever I delved into next would be something that was meaningful and somewhat of a good fit for my personality, my interests, my gifts, my circumstances, and my family.

I still remember the moment when I made an off-hand comment to an old friend of mine, in my usual half-joking and self-deprecating sort of way, about hosting workshops to do with memory keeping, and she didn’t laugh at me. She took me seriously and she actually thought it would be a good idea. “I’ll come!” she even said.

And so the idea started to brew.

Then towards the end of last year, Trish and I got in touch with each other to arrange this incredible photo shoot and somehow this came up. I had, in my daydreaming, naturally thought of partnering with an amazing photographer like Trish but never once did I actually think she would say ‘yes!’ I was truly blown away by the fact that someone as talented as Trish would want to work with me, and that she shared my vision so completely and so instantly. Honestly, if it weren’t for Trish, I don’t think this workshop announcement would be happening today. She’s the once who’s kept us on path, giving me so much lovely encouragement along the way and not letting me give up on our goal.

Which brings me to this workshop. As you probably know, a big part of my blogging these days is to do with memory keeping. I truly enjoy sharing my projects with you and hopefully being able to offer some inspiration along the way. But there is a side to my memory keeping that I’ve never really touched on (at least not in any great detail) in my blog posts. The hands-on, technical side of things. Like how I organise and tag all my photos (that could be a book in itself). Or how I go through my process of selecting photos. Or how I set up my filing system for all my design files. Or how I come up with a design layout. Or how I decide what text to put where, in what colour, and in what font. Or the steps I take in using Adobe InDesign to create all my photo books and my Project Life templates. These are the things that I don’t blog about, yet they are such an essential part of my memory-keeping. And so these are some of the topics that the workshop will cover.

The wonderful thing about a workshop is that it is face-to-face, and it is hands-on. I can talk about things. I can answer questions straight away. I can verbalise some of my methodology and my philosophy which can sometimes be harder to put down in writing. I can listen and hopefully be able to make suggestions and float ideas immediately in response. And this, I think, is the most wonderful part: I get to (I hope!) meet some of you and talk shop together.

Anyway, enough of the background spiel. Read on for the official details for the workshop. We also have a gorgeous brochure that we would love to send you – simply email us at hello@lifecapturedworkshop.com for a copy if you’re interested.

What is it?
LIFE:CAPTURED is a memory keeping and photography workshop dreamed up by Trish (from Tealily Photography) and yours truly. Together, we believe in photography that’s real and honest, and memory keeping that’s simple, beautiful, and tangible. Through this workshop, we hope to equip others with the both the skills and resources to document their lives in this way. We aim to teach both the technical and emotional aspects of documentary photography (SLR cameras recommended and iPhones encouraged), right through to editing and workflow, journalling methods, photo book design and layout, memory keeping systems, Project Life albums, and general organisation of photos and memorabilia. We want this workshop to be very hands on and will cover the fundamentals of using Adobe Photoshop for image editing and Adobe InDesign for design layouts, as well as include a live photo shoot, a design project, and time for Q&A.

Who is this workshop for?
If you have would like to take your DSLR camera off the auto mode, if you would like to capture gorgeous images on your iPhone, if you are overwhelmed by all the photos you have but don’t know what to do with, if you would like to learn how to create beautiful keepsakes that are timeless and tangible, if you are looking for a system for your memory-keeping that you can keep with – then this workshop is for you.

When and where will it be?
We are stoked to announce that our first workshop will be held at the new RAW Space in Waterloo, Sydney on Friday August 23, 2013 from 9am-6pm. Just look at all that beautiful light, and those quirky, unique vignettes! Isn’t it amazing?

What is the cost?
The special introductory price for this full-day workshop is $450 and includes printed materials, design templates and a goodie bag, as well as being fed by the awesome folks at Studio Neon for morning tea and lunch. A 40% deposit will be required to secure your spot, with the balance of fees due 15 July.

Count me in! How do I sign up?
In order for us to give proper time and attention to everyone who comes, we are limiting places to 20 attendees. To secure your spot, email hello@lifecapturedworkshop.com with your full name and your Paypal email address, and we will send you an invoice.

* * *

Seriously so excited to see where this will go. If you have any questions at all, just leave a comment below or send us an email. And if you know of any friends or family who might be interested, please share the love!

And that’s it. Now I must go pinch myself or lie down. One or the other.

* * *

Just a quick update – our first workshop has officially sold out! Trish and I and both so humbled and encouraged by the amazing response to our launch. If you would like to attend a future workshop, please email us at hello@lifecapturedworkshop.com and we’ll put you on the waiting list. Thanks again! Ronnie xo

Choose your bag wisely. Do not settle for second best.

It’s hard to believe that I used to change bags every single day. I had a bag for every outfit, and I had a bag for every occasion. My clothes needed to match my shoes which needed to match my bag which needed to match my jewellery. Such were my woes as a young woman with too much spare time on my hands.

These days, my fashion requirements are a lot simpler. As long as my top does not smell of regurgitated milk, and the coffee stains on my pants are dry (and somewhat faded), and the soles of my shoes are still intact, I’m more or less satisfied with my appearance.

And of course, one bag will do. But since it is just the one bag, one needs to be slightly more specific (read: fussy) about The One.

To begin with, there are the basic requirements.

It must not be ugly.

It must not contain any trace of fur.

It must not have the words ‘One Direction’ on it in any shape or form.

Then there are some other visual requirements.

For instance, the bag should ideally be in a neutral colour. I mean, if I’m not swapping bags every day like I used to do, then The One needs to go with my purple tights, my yellow cape and all my maternity outfits, seeing as I like to wear them all year round (no kidding), even when I’m not pregnant.

It also needs to be somewhat ‘unisex.’ After all, my man carries The One for me most of the time that we’re out together, so the least I can do is not to inflict on him something that has too many tassels dangling from the zipper or the words “I am woman, hear my roar” screen-printed on the front.

And then come the minor details.

Like having something to hang your keys on. If you’ve ever had to locate your car keys in the pouring rain with multiple little ones needing to use the bathroom back at home, you will no doubt appreciate this simple – yet awesome – functionality.

And pockets. Lots of them. Ideally, a billion of them. (Yes, Rick, kind of like your pants.) For the baby wipes, for the hand gel, for the baby’s bottles, for the two year old’s water bottle, for the three year old’s water bottle, for the four year old’s water bottle, for my own water bottle, etc. Anything that makes everything more easily accessible is an impressive win in my opinion.

And though it took me at least a year or two to figure this one out, the perfect bag should stand upright. It should not be flimsy and flop upon hitting the floor. The One needs to have ‘backbone’ or structure of some sort that keeps it vertical with a big opening at the top so that a mother with no arms free can look down and see at a glance where the baby’s dummy is. (Especially when said baby begins to scream in the middle of your husband’s sermon at church.) In other words, like a bucket. But an organised one. (Come to think of it, a bucket would probably do the job.)

But the most important feature of all?

The One must be big.

Huge.

Massive.

Gigantic.

So ridiculously enormous that it can fit everything that the six of us need whenever we go out, plus the baby himself should this become necessary in a situation of emergency.

Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it?

But I found it, my friends. It wasn’t easy. But I found it.

This extra large canvas tote by Land’s End is The One for me. For sure, the white is looking more like off-white, or a this-bag-needs-a-clean-rather-desperately shade of white, but it’s still a pretty good-looking bag which fulfils every one of my requirements. What’s more, it’s classic, it’s affordable and the canvas material is sturdy as.

And yes, I bought it in two colours, and yes, you can fit a baby in it.

And no, I haven’t tried.

What do you look for in a bag? ‘Baby bag’ or otherwise?

I’ve decided to jump straight to blogging about Week 21 as I got a little tired of trying to play catch-up with my Project Life posts (plus I didn’t think there was anything spectacular or particularly noteworthy about my layouts for Weeks 17 to 20). I’m also toying with the idea of not sharing every single weekly Project Life spread that I do, but we’ll see (let me know what you guys think about this – do you actually like seeing every weekly spread of mine, or will it be okay to only share the ones that I’m particularly excited about?). Anyway, a big welcome to you if you’re reading my blog for the very first time! It’s lovely to have you here. If you have some spare time, feel free to browse some of my Project Life posts that I’ve listed over in the left sidebar and definitely check out the huge memory keeping giveaway that I’m currently hosting (the first prize is worth over $625). Otherwise, you can click on any of the images in this post for a larger version.

What happened in Week 21?
I went back to the coffee house at Illie two days in a row, which was a real treat for me. Angus spent a bit of time on my Macbook Air playing with online preschooler games, and on our day off, we ventured out to the beautiful Bella Vista cafe at North Head which has the most spectacular view of the entrance to Sydney harbour. Rick also made scrambled eggs on the Saturday. That was a lovely treat too!

Was there anything special about Week 21?
Yes! I went back to journalling a lot more this week. Like I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been feeling very nostalgic about our boys (and life in general) recently and in response to this, I’ve been documenting more and journalling more. I still believe that a powerful photo can speak a thousand words, but there was something really nice about being able to include more words in my spread for this week.

Number of pages and inserts?
Just the usual two page layout for Week 21, along with one 8×10 vertical inserts. I used one side of the insert to include an adorable photo of Pete which I snapped outside the Bella Vista cafe, and I used the other side to frame a sequence of shots that I took of Edward while I was holding him. He looks so cute in those photos, that I simply couldn’t leave them out.

How were the photos taken and processed?
All the photos were taken on my iPhone 4S camera. About 80% the photos were processed using VSCO Cam on my iPhone. The rest were processed in Aperture on my Mac using the VSCO Film 01 Kodak Portra 800+ preset.

Favourite photo(s) from Week 21?
My two favourites from this week are actually both of still life: the one of the fern and the succulents at the bottom right of the first page, and the one of the morning lighting in our corridor at the bottom right of the second page. I can’t really explain why, but I’m very drawn to both those two photos.

Overall thoughts?
There’s a certain richness and depth about this week’s spread that really speaks to me. I think it’s a combination of the colours and lighting in some of the photos and the journalling that I’ve actually included. I know I’ve definitely been through a phase of having very few words in our Project Life album, so I’m excited to see where this new stage will take me. I’m also quite proud of the fact that all six of us are included in different places throughout this spread.

Supplies used?
Becky Higgins Design A page protector; Becky Higgins 8×10 vertical page protector; Kodak 210gsm glossy premium photo paper. All photos printed on the Canon MG6360 Pixma using genuine Canon ink.

* * *

Other posts you might be interested in reading:
My weekly Project Life process from beginning to end
Tips on taking photos for Project Life
What you need to get started with Project Life

You can read all my Project Life posts here.

* * *

Project Life is a system created by Becky Higgins that is designed to simplify your efforts to document life and help get your photos into a book. To learn more about the product and how to get started, click here.