Think for a minute about who you need to get to know better. Who do you need to take out for lunch, or have over for dinner? Who do you want to get to know better. Look around your office, church, or organization and find the people you need to bring closer to your life.  If you want to get to know people better now is the best time to start.  

David Augsberger says this in his book Dissident Discipleship

Community is a place where both good friends and predictable frustrations are present, needed, valued, respected, incorporated, and indeed learned from in genuine dialogue. Stubbornly inclusive participants don’t give up on the irritating or withdraw into the comforting, but rather welcome both.

When we lose sight of others and we lose sight of God that our community shrinks. It’s when we become intentional in our love for others in the community. When we realize we can’t have a community of one and that We’re not all going to agree, we become stronger as individuals and our community will grow stronger, become healthy, and begin to grow.

One of my favorite things to do is one-on-one discipleship. I love the aha moments and the tough talks. I love doing it because it is not only helping someone else, it helps me grow. Spiritual maturity doesn’t come from sitting and listening to the pastor on Sunday morning, spiritual maturity comes from trying and failing then trying again. It’s not what we know that makes us spiritually mature, spiritual maturity comes from practice. And we need some one to practice with.

Anyone can be holier-than-thou from a distance, but when you are reading and memorizing scripture with another person you have to check your ego at the door. Sure people can lie about what they are doing, but those times catch up to people and the truth comes out in the end.  You can hide  in a small group a lot  longer than you can in a one-on-one setting.

Things you need to know about Discipling:

• You don’t have to be perfect to start. Most discipling relationships are mutual learning not teacher to student.
• You need to let the pastor know what you’re doing.  Don’t start something behind the pastors back.  Most pastors are going to give you their blessing and pray for your success.  I honestly can’t imagine a pastor who wouldn’t want people to grow spiritually.
• You need a plan. Here’s one: buy a book, I like Greg Ogden’s two books, Discipleship Essentials and Leadership Essentials.  I have used these books for the last three years and they are really good for discipling not only others, but yourself.  These books make you think and wrestle with what being a Christian is and how to live that out.

A final thought from Paul to Timothy:

If you teach these things to other followers, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus. You will show you have grown up on the teachings about our faith and on the good instructions you have obeyed (CEV)

3 I realize God has treated me with undeserved grace, and so I tell each of you not to think you are better than you really are. Use good sense and measure yourself by the amount of faith that God has given you. 4 A body is made up of many parts, and each of them has its own use.

5 That’s how it is with us. There are many of us, but we each are part of the body of Christ, as well as part of one another.
6 God has also given each of us different gifts to use. If we can prophesy, we should do it according to the amount of faith we have. 7 If we can serve others, we should serve. If we can teach, we should teach.

8 If we can encourage others, we should encourage them. If we can give, we should be generous. If we are leaders, we should do our best. If we are good to others, we should do it cheerfully.

9 Be sincere in your love for others. Hate everything that is evil and hold tight to everything that is good. 10 Love each other as brothers and sisters and honor others more than you do yourself.

You’re part of a community and you bring something different to the community. Whether it’s teaching or digging a hole, everyone is needed in one capacity or another.

I always call my pastor a politician, because he tries to shake everyone’s hand when he walks into a room. But he doesn’t do it because he is trying to win votes, he does it because he wants everyone to feel welcome and part of the group. Think about it, would you rather have some one continuously tell you how much you have done wrong and how you have screwed up, or would you like to be encouraged and told you are doing good and coached with a good attitude.

John Maxwell wrote a book called 25 Ways to Win with People and it helped me change the way I related to people so, I thought I would list some of them for you to use to encourage people.

1. Start with yourself – Accept who you were created to be by God and For God.
2. Let people know you need them.
3. Encourage their dreams.
4. Give the credit to someone else
5. Listen with your heart, not ready to respond with how to fix their problem.
6. Remember Their Name

• S – Say the name 3 times in a conversation
• A – Ask a question about the name (eg. spelling) or person
• V – Visualize the person’s prominent physical or personality feature
• E – End the conversation with the name

7. Write an encouraging note
8. Give without strings attached

I know that’s just eight out of 25, but I think these are a good start and you can buy the book if you want them all.

(Romans 15:5-7) 5 May the patience and encouragement that come from God allow you to live in harmony with each other the way Christ Jesus wants. 6 Then you will all be joined together, and you will give glory to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7 Christ accepted you, so you should accept each other, which will bring glory to God.

Steve, you can’t expect us to live like the bible says. Trust me, it’s hard for me as well.

Disagreement comes when we choose to follow someone or something other than Christ. When we choose to follow ourselves instead of Christ.

Look at the first part again. May the patience and encouragement that comes from God allow you to live in harmony. The community of believers is built by God. We all believe in the same Jesus, the same crucifixion, and the same resurrection. That should be enough for us to get along when we are choosing paint for the walls, color for the carpet or helping the poor in Africa.

Earlier in the letter Paul says,”Don’t mistreat someone who has mistreated you. But try to earn the respect of others,and do your best to live at peace with everyone.

He’s not telling us we have to be best friends with everyone, he is telling us we need to get along and do everything in our power to do so. If it’s up to you, live in unity.

Think about what you have read and how you wanted to apply it to your life, but either forgot it or forgot where you put it.  Go back and reread the books that you believe will have a transforming affect on you and start taking notes and putting them in an organized form.  Here’s what you will find:

• The philosophy of one book may contradict another – each writer has a set of beliefs he or she is putting down, writing down your thoughts will help you create a cohesive life plan.
• One book may give you the answer to the questions you had when you read another book.
• Not every book is useful.  If a book seems useless I will skim it and take as much as I can find from it.
• This is a process that will take time.
• You will begin to understand why you believe some things and not others.

You need to know what you believe.  If you have not taken the time over your life to develop a solid belief system then now is the time to start.  This doesn’t have to be elaborate, or complicated.  It needs to be about you and not what others think of you. What are the areas of your life you need to have a set of values to live by.

• Spiritual
• Leadership
• Personal Growth
• Financial
• Family
• Children
• Spouse
• Goals
• What ever area you need

Start writing your life program today and find some one to teach it to over the next year.

Two weeks after I arrived on my boat there was a fairly large fire in the dock we were in.  I was grabbed by a senior leader, and told to grab two fire extinguishers and follow him.  We ran off the boat and into the dock toward the fire and were followed closely by several other crew members.   As we all arrived we began to douse the fire with everything we had and it was secured fairly quickly.  As I turned around the small crowd I had been a part of initially had grown to over fifty, and others had stopped their descent in to the dock seeing that the fire was out. This type of community was essential onboard the ship because we all knew we had to work together to keep the ship safe, and defend it at all costs.

You may be able to have an Army of one, but not a community of one. This is probably the hardest lesson we learn as believers, but believe it or not we are not supposed to just lookout for ourselves. We all bring different things to this community of believers. Whether it’s age, speech, education, jobs, gifts, biases or baggage; we all bring something different.

In his book Discipleship Essentials Greg Ogden says this about maturity,

What are some of the signs that we have not yet met Jesus’ challenge (of discipleship) head on? The signs abound in the church today and manifest themselves as Jealousy—not having what others have; competition—trying to achieve more than the next person; argumentative spirits—needing to have our own way; over-sensitivity—becoming resentful when not recognized for our work or wanting it to be noticed that we have lost it all for Christ.

We believe we deserve the things we have—the nice homes and new cars. We plan our future without reference to the kingdom of God and spend the resources we have to improve our kingdom. We use the gifts of God to advance our own names and our own reputation.

C.S. Lewis said this,

Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”

When we make it about us. When I Make it About Me. Community begins to break down exponentially. When I want the attention, attention is not given to God.

None of us are completely mature. And I don’t believe we will be this side of heaven. It’s a journey of continual growth and maturity through our lives and this first verse of Romans 15 reminds us that we are not on this journey alone. It also reminds us that if we have been in the faith longer than someone else we need to be patient with them and help them in their journey.

1We who are strong in faith should help the weak with their weaknesses, and not please only ourselves.If we really are going to have a strong community, we have to understand that our goal is not to please ourselves, but to please Christ.

When we take the time to participate with and understand others points of view, we begin to grow and learn from the community, not just take from it what we want.  Your legacy will come from what you give to the community not what you take.  

What you put into your mind is exactly what you are going to get out of your habits, actions, and words.  If you practice talking bad about people behind their backs it will show in the way you treat people.  If you practice being kind even to people who don’t have what you have, it will show in the way you treat people.

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When your worried, how do you think?  Do you focus intently on the thing you’re worrying about or do you focus on something else?  You focus on the thing you’re worried about.  You put every ounce of hand wringing effort into thinking about that one thing.  Why not use the same effort to think about good things, positive things, things that will change your life or the life of someone else.  I know bad things happen and they worry us.  Cancer, disease, bills all worry us. What I am saying is use the same effort you would worrying, when you’re not worrying, to think like a leader.

So how do leaders think?

Leaders think about the future.  They think about what God has planned for them and their organization 1, 5, or 10 years down the road.  They envision the changes that will have to take place in them and their people before the changes happen.  They dream about what’s to come and they let God change them through the process.

Leaders think about their people.  They want to know who is in the right position and who isn’t, because they understand people need to be good at what they do.  They want to know who is growing, and how they can help everyone grow.

Leaders think about their families.  I have never known a great leader who didn’t love his or her family.  If you are going to be a leader in the church especially you must lead your family first (1Timoty 3).

Leaders think about their legacy.  Who are you building up to become a better leader than you are? We all want to be remembered, and the best way to do that is by investing in someone else.  Find people who want to grow and invest in them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson put it this way,

Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.

 

If you’re looking for books to help your thinking here are some good ones

• Think on These Things By John C Maxwell
• The Power of Positive Thinking By Dr Norman Vincent Peale
• As a Man Thinketh by James Allen (Free)
• The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz

I grew up in Arkansas, check that, I grew up in stereotypical, backwards, my family tree is a telephone pole, rural Bald Knob, Arkansas (I actually grew up in Russell which is just north of Bald Knob. I went to school in Bald Knob because that was the big town). Anyway, we didn’t have a lot of things to do except play outside. And when teenage boys are left to just play outside, they have to use their imaginations a lot. And when boys use their imaginations, I’m sure you can see where this is going, they don’t always make the best decisions… For instance,

We shot bottle rockets off of the over pass at cars. While there weren’t a lot of cars that passed through Russell, we did stand on the overpass and wait for them to come down the interstate.  My friends, wrapped clear plastic wrap, like you use in the kitchen, between two signs at a bridge crossing so drivers would think another car was coming at them.  I could go on for hours, but you get the point.  Not only were we not wise, we weren’t smart either.

So if wisdom isn’t about being smart, what is it?

• In the bible Proverbs is called the book of Wisdom.  In Chapter 1 verse 7 it says real knowledge begins with respect for God.  Then in Chapter 8 it explains why.  God created wisdom before he created anything else.  So if we have respect for the creator of wisdom, we can be really wise people.
• Wisdom is always true.  Proverbs 8 verse 7 says wisdom is true and not evil.  When we respect God and trust his wisdom we are able to speak truth into people’s lives.  We need to understand that the truth does hurt sometimes, but it is not mean.
• Wisdom is more valuable than money.  Later on in chapter 8 we are told to get wisdom above all else.  I heard Dennis Prager say, “Wise people usually aren’t famous and famous people usually aren’t wise.”  Today world we tend to believe the opposite because we assume people with money are wise.

What we need to do is seek out wise people and learn from them in stead of trying to become an “apprentice” of wealthy people to just make money.  Wise people will be remembered long after they are dead and rich people will be remembered until their money runs out.

I’ve written several times about how to say no, but I want to address why you should say no.  I know good opportunities are out there for entrepreneurs.  For that matter good opportunities are out there for every one.  The problem with good opportunities is, they aren’t great opportunities.  If you can learn to say no to good opportunities you will have more great opportunities than you know what to do with.

I know how the story goes; you don’t want to offend anyone, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Look at it this way if you learn to say no first, you can always go back and say yes later.

1. The first and best reason is that you’re too busy.  If you have a lot of different opportunities you’re trying to work right now one more opportunity is not going to make life easier.  When I was a kid we had a place where we would fish called the “Honey Hole.” the problem with the “Honey Hole” was it was too easy to catch fish.  After a long day of walking and carrying fish we still had a clean them when we got home.  Many times we would throw good fish away because we were so tired we couldn’t clean them.  If you’re too busy, you don’t need to take on more opportunities
2.  The opportunity doesn’t fit you.  As a leader you’d need to know what you’re about.  If you can’t sell you don’t need to join a Network Marketing business.  I understand that we all want to make money quickly.  But you need to learn some skills before you quit your job, because you think you’re going to get rich by starting a business.  If an opportunity doesn’t fit you, you need to say no.
3. You haven’t it checked it out.  This by far is my favorite reason not to do something.  If you haven’t researched it, you don’t need to do it.  I got into a business when I was 24 years old that I did not understand.  That year my family lived on $4000.  By the grace of God we made it through that year but I swore then and there that I would never do something I didn’t understand.

I don’t want to be the who is always saying no, but I want you to think about what you’re doing.  People who are happy don’t go around sticking their finger in every piece of pie they find.  They find the right opportunity that fits them and research it and they’d do it correctly.

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Do you know what you are truly passionate about?  When you know what really gets you started every day you can focus you energy better.  When you discover your passion you are discovering what God created you to do.

Some short exercises to get you started

Think about what gives you the most pleasure. Is it surfing, books, knitting, carving wood, children, or music? Make a list of all the things you can think of that you really like to do.  I spoke in an earlier post about some of the people I know who do what they love.  These are people who just decided it was time to stop giving everything they had to a job, and start giving to themselves, their families, and others.

What if I don’t have a passion?  You do, I know somewhere deep inside there is passion about something.  For me it was going all the way back to high school.  I loved to write, but never had anyone tell me I could do it for a living.  I love to act, but no one ever told me giving talks could stem from that. This is not a quick exercise, this will take time and effort, but will pay great dividends for you in the long run.

On of the things Tony Robbins talks about is asking yourself the correct questions.  “What am I passionate about,” is a good and correct question and it wake you up at night with answers.  Some others may be:

• What will I be remembered for?
• What do I love to do?
• What would I do if I could do anything?
• What gives me the most satisfaction of knowing I’ve done it?
• What motivates me?
• Who inspires me?

There are many more questions you can ask yourself but these will get you started.

Your next step is narrowing down the list.  Take time to do the things on the list.  If painting is one of your passions then get a canvas and start painting.  Take a class at the local community college, or get an instructional video from the library or bookstore.  If you’re not van Gogh at first doesn’t mean you can’t do it, it just means you need to practice.  Yes practice.  I know we want instant gratification in the 21st century, but learning to delay gratification will help you learn to do the things you really love.

Find what you do best and learn to do it so well people will pay you to do it.  If you really stink at painting on canvas, but can paint on large walls then mural painting is what you need to focus on.  People will pay you to do faux finishes and murals in their houses faster than they will pay you for bad art.  You need to find your niche and stick with it.

What ever it is, find your passion and do it.