tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:00:04 +0000A collection of Pinoy Jokes | Funny Pinoy SMS Text Messages | Pinoy Funny SMS Text Jokes | Tagalog Funny Text TXT Jokeshttp://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (penoi)Blogger61125pinoyjokehttp://feedburner.google.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-8010194074824404351Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:49:00 +00002009-11-08T00:49:27.441+08:00hindi namn ako HOMEWORK...<br />but why there are so many people<br /><br />wants to take me home<br /><br /><br />====<br /><br />AnaK: Mom i know the truth<br />Mom: ha?? eto P500 huwag ka lang maingay sa Dad mo!!<br /><br />Anak: Dad i know the truth<br />Dad: ha?? eto ang P1000 huwag ka lang maingay sa Mom mo<br /><br />Anak: (ok pa ito... subukan ko nga sa katulong) Inday i know the truth!!!<br />Inday: SA WAKAS!!! YAKAPIN MO AKO ANAK!!!<br /><br />====<br /><br />Anong hayop ang pinakamalakas??<br />Eh di butiki... kasi hawak niya ang kisame...<br /><br />====<br /><br />Kunwari ang pangalan mo ay "IKAW", tapos ang pangalan ko ay "AKO"<br />Ang tanong.. Sino ang panget sa ating dalawa???<br /><br />Isipin mong mabuti.. Pasagot...<br /><br />====<br />Modern Bahat Kubo<br /><br />Bahay q po<br />dami putik<br />ang pumasok doon<br />ay sari sari<br />nilamas na karton<br />sirang mudyas at damit.<br />silya, basurang pamanghe<br />ONDoy parusa<br />=====<br /><br />kung ibebenta ko ang sarili ko..<br />tataasan ko na ang presyo...<br />matawag mo lang akong MAHAL...<br /><br />=====<br /><br />Sa sabunga walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong..<br />Si juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang sisiw..<br /><br />Bantay: hoy!! ano yan?<br />Juan(galit pa) manok!! bakit?<br />Bantay: alam ko.. eh bakit sisiw??<br />Juan: heller?? may laban ang ama niya siyempre moral support.. tanga!!!<br /><br />=====<br /><br />Boy: gusto mo libre kita ng siomai at hopia??<br />Girl:ha? bakit?<br />Boy: wala lang.. i just want to siomai love for you and hopia love me too!!!<br /><br />======<br /><br />Math love story...<br /><br />Boy: do you know that my love for you is like the limit of a constant over a variable as the variable approaches zero??<br />Girl; ano yun?<br />Boy:infinity :)<br />Girl: ganun? eh alam mo bang ang lab ko sau ay parang limit of a function of x as x approaches ' a', f d function of x s equal to 'c' f x s gretar than<br /> a en s equal to d nd f x s less than or equal to a?<br />Boy: ano namn yun ?<br />Girl: syntax error!!!<br /><br />=====<br /><br />Nanay: nak lutuin mo na yung sardinas..<br />AnaK: kakaliskisan ko po ba?<br />Nanay: tanggalin mo na rin ang hasang ng masulit ang katangahan mo hayup ka!!!<br /><br />=====<br /><br />Inday: sir, sino ang mas masarap.. ako o si mam?<br />Sir: siyempre ikaw..<br />Inday: naguguluhan ako, kasi sabi ng driver natin mas masarap daw si mam kaysa sa akin...<br /><br />=====<br /><br />sana holdaper ka na lang..<br /><br />Para ibibigay ko lahat sa yo.. huwag mo lang akong sasaktan...<br /><br />=====<br /><br />Pinoy jokes from +63905260**** +63905549**** +63910313**** +63926300**** +63916984****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-8010194074824404351?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/lnPpk4oYspM/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)0http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2009/11/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-4763978334804072656Sun, 04 Oct 2009 00:58:00 +00002009-10-04T09:01:17.841+08:00<pre>ngatz bhe...<br />muahhx...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ngongo, bumibili ng<br />GATSBY WAX!<br /><br /><br />====<br /><br />titser: ang pangit naman ng name mo "conrado domingo" in short "Condom"<br />Pupil: ok lang po yun mam, kesa naman sa asawa nyo "Supremo Potenciano"<br />in short "SUPOT"<br /><br />====<br /><br />Isang araw sa tindahan:<br /><br />Bata: tok tok tao poh<br />Tindera: ano yun?<br />Bata: nang naa mo load?<br />Tindera: naa!<br />Bata: pa-txt daw!!<br /><br />====<br /><br />Salawikain ng mga high school students<br /><br />"aanhin mo pa ang 90 kung 75 na ang uso"<br /><br />"its better to cheat than to repeat"<br /><br />"No need to review kodigo will do"<br /><br />"aanhin mo pa ang libro kung scholar ang katabi mo"<br /><br />"ang hindi marunong lumingon pag exam... bagsak ang kalalabasan"<br /><br />====<br /><br />A kid staring in a pangit na tambay. D tambay got angry and shouted:<br /><br />"Hoy bata!! ngano lain man ka makatan-aw!?"<br /><br />Kid: ikaw, ngano lain man kau ka tan-awon?<br /><br />====<br /><br />taga-bukid na anak ug tatay nagsakay sa elevator..<br /><br />Anak: tay, mahal guro pasahe ani noh? mangutana daw tah tagpila tay?<br />Tatay: paghilom uy! ayaw dad'a imong pagkaignorante diri...<br />tagad sah tah sa konduktor kng tagaan na tag-ticket!!<br /><br />====<br /><br />Girl: alam m para kang bisyo<br />Boy: (kilig) dahil hindi mo ako maiwasan..<br />Girl: hindi noh..<br /><br />Dahil sinisira mo buhay ko!!!<br /><br />====<br /><br />Nilapitan kita pero nilayuan mo ako<br /><br /><br />Kinausap kita pero tinitigan mo lang ako<br /><br />hinabot kita pero tinakbuhan mo ako<br /><br />ganya ba talaga<br /><br />kayong mga<br /><br />"unggoy"<br /><br />(peace)<br /><br />====<br />Mga kasabihan<br /><br />"ang batang masipag pag laki pagod"<br /><br />"ang pera madaling mawala pag hindi pinaghirapan. pero mas madaling<br />mawala pag sinugal mo"<br /><br />"black is beauty but too much is charcoal"<br /><br />"dont feed the chicken pag ang alaga mo mga bibe"<br /><br />"d bale ng manakawan ng 10 beses wag lang masunugan pero mas mabuti<br />masunugan kesa nakawan ka ng halik ni diego"<br /><br />"mas mukhang bao ang ulo kalbo na may konting buhok kesa sa bao ng puno namin."<br /><br />"dont judge the book by its cover maliban na lang kung ang libro ay<br />puro cover hanggang sa loob"<br /><br />"ang pagtulog ay pampatangkad pero paano ka tatangkad kung tuwing<br />umaga at tanghali gigisingin ka"<br /><br />====<br /><br />Driver: yung mga pangit pwede ng bumaba. may checkpoint kasi sa unahahan.<br />pabor lang.<br /><br />Pasahero: tapos kuya? sino na pong magddrive ngayun?<br /><br />====<br /><br />sabi ng mga ninuno pag ang isang tao daw binati mo ng "hi" at sa loob<br />ng 5 seconds na walang reply...<br /><br />"maitim daw ang singit"<br /><br /><a id="publishButton" class="cssButton" href="javascript:void(0)" target="" onclick="if (this.className.indexOf(&quot;ubtn-disabled&quot;) == -1) {var e = document['stuffform'].publish;(e.length) ? e[0].click() : e.click(); if (window.event) window.event.cancelBubble = true; return false;}"><div class="cssButtonOuter"><div class="cssButtonMiddle"><div class="cssButtonInner"><br /></div></div></div></a><br />masubukan nga...<br /><br /><br />"HI"<br /><br />====<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes from +63922829****, +63908668****, +63918344****,<br />+63916883****, +63926300****, +63906462****, +63905260****</pre><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-4763978334804072656?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/yIojbBnmRl8/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)11http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2009/10/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-5737726668414207564Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:57:00 +00002009-09-22T00:16:12.958+08:00Update from Pinoy joke . New Pinoy Joke number!!!! +639277704934 please contribute your Funny Filipino SMS text messages<br /><br />===========<br /><br />Know what? your so cute and so nice<br />Kaya Love kita eh<br />Dead na dead ako sayo..<br />And i have three words 2 say..<br />3 words that ul nvr 4get<br />3 words that wil touch u..<br /><br />Joke<br />Joke<br />Joke<br /><br />======<br /><br />Rod: Bakit badtrip ka ?<br />Harry: nagtampo skin ang u2l q.<br />Rod: Bakit naman?<br />Harry: nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday nya<br />Rod: yun lang? anong masama run?<br />Harry: ang masam run..<br /><br />Twins kami!!! TWINS!!!!!<br /><br />=======<br /><br />Inday nung 9 yrs old<br /><br />Nay: nak paglaki mo ano gusto mo maging?<br />Inday: marami po nay eh.<br />Nay: ano ba yun?<br />Inday: wen i grow up i wanna be famous, i wanna bee a star i wanna be in movies i wanna se the world drive nice cars i wanna have groupies when i grow up be on tv people know me be on magazines.<br />Nanay: be carefull on what you wish for coz you just might get it...<br /><br />========<br /><br />DEVILS<br />r not<br />allowed<br />in sex<br /><br /><br /><br />y?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Becoz<br />they<br />will<br />feel<br /><br /><br />HEAVEN<br /><br />==========<br /><br />Bakit nakakamatay ang butter?<br /><br /><br /><br />Because...<br /><br /><br /><br />Its ment ti kil ya!!!<br /><br />==========<br /><br />Laugh is....<br /><br /><br /><br />daw ang gamitin sabi ni mam para madaling mabura...<br /><br /><br />=========<br /><br />Sa buhay<br />d maiwasang may makilala ka<br /><br />maging malapit kau<br /><br />madevelop ka<br /><br />at hindi mo akalaing<br /><br />mahal mo na pala siya<br /><br />Pero ang tanong<br /><br />ikaw ba...<br /><br />eh kumain na? aq kasi tapos na...<br /><br />============<br /><br />Isang araw napadaan ako sa dalawang lovers na sobrang sweet...<br /><br />Napatingin yung boy sa akin<br /><br />Tapos ayun..<br /><br />nauso na ang<br /><br />BREAK UP<br /><br />============<br /><br />I live a difficult life<br />Lagi na lang ako nasasaktan..<br />When people call me<br /><br />gwapa<br />aray!<br /><br />gorgeous<br />aray!<br /><br />smart<br />aray!<br /><br />Lovable<br />aray!<br /><br /><br />22o pla anoh?<br /><br />d truth hurts<br /><br />===========<br /><br />Pag may kasalanan ka sa ina mo<br />wag kang matakot<br />unahan mo agad<br />sabihin mo:<br />"hoy pagod aq!! huwag nyo kong pagalitan"<br />sabay kuha ng bag at damit<br />tska mo isigaw:<br />"Punyetang bata ako!!! hala cge layas aq!!"<br /><br />============<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes and Funny Filipino SMS Text Messages from +63905882****, +63915569****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-5737726668414207564?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/I2KFmAAy9Fs/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_21.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)10http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2009/09/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_21.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-4716520131896759761Tue, 15 Sep 2009 04:36:00 +00002009-09-21T22:52:27.053+08:00<p>Update from Pinoy joke . New Pinoy Joke number!!!! +639277704934 please contribute your Funny Filipino SMS text messages<br />========</p> <p>I love reading the MENU….</p> <p> </p> <p>Because there’s ME and U</p> <p>=============</p> <p>Kung nasa laboratoryo ka at kasama mo ako….</p> <p>e di…</p> <p>ur in LAB with me !!!</p> <p>=============</p> <p>im so hurt</p> <p>coz i cant have</p> <p>back the person </p> <p>i truly love.</p> <p>but its ok coz i know</p> <p>somewhere out there</p> <p>millions are also hurt knowin that</p> <p>they cant have me.. hehehe</p> <p>=========</p> <p>Anong sinabi ni apple nung tumingin sa kanya si Pinya??</p> <p>APPLE: oi ikaw, anong tinitingin, tingin, tingin, tingin,tingin,tingin mo dyan?</p> <p>=========</p> <p>Hidden Soldiers!!!</p> <p>Sagot ni Pacman sa tanong kung ano ang world’s number one shampoo!!</p> <p>=========</p> <p>Isang araw matagal na natitig si piglet kay pooh</p> <p>Pooh: bakit ka ba ganyan tumitig sa akin?</p> <p>Piglet: ang taba mo loko.. dapat ikaw si piglet eh..</p> <p>========</p> <p>Usapan ng dalawang mayabang</p> <p>TOMAS: ang galing ng aso ko tuwing umaga dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin</p> <p>DIEGO: alam ko</p> <p>TOMAS: ha? paano mo nalaman?</p> <p>DIEGO: kuwento sa akin ng aso ko <br /></p> <p>========</p> <p>di ba masaki pag inagawan ka?</p> <p>di ba msakit pag naloko ka?</p> <p>di ba masakit pag pinaasa ka?</p> <p>pero mas masakit pag </p> <p>umiiwas siya kahit ramdam na ramdam mo</p> <p> </p> <p>na may chocolate siya.. damot noh!!!</p> <p>=======</p> <p>Babala: lubhang napakacorny nito</p> <p>Alin ang mas mabango sa dalawa?</p> <p> </p> <p>: ;</p> <p> </p> <p>Siyempre mas mabango</p> <p> </p> <p>ang COLON kesa sa SEMI COLON..</p> <p>Pinoy jokes from +63906222****, +63905882****</p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-4716520131896759761?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/phkpTRcAUTs/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)1http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2009/09/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-720437456545709497Tue, 14 Apr 2009 10:44:00 +00002009-04-14T18:44:00.868+08:00boy: chocolate kba?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />girl: iiihhh,banat ba yan?ü<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />boy: hnd! negra ka kc.<br /><br />hahaha,,<br /><br />gandang tanghale.Ü<br /><br />====<br /><br />ang<br />tunay na<br />maganda..<br /><br />MAHiYAiN<br />mrunong mg'SORi<br />at.<br /><br /><br />MKKALiMUTiN.<br /><br />at,<br /><br />at,<br /><br /><br />anu pa<br />nga un?<br /><br /><br />shocks!<br /><br /><br /><br />NAKALiMUTAN q<br />na nmn!<br />NKKAHiYA 2loy.<br />SORi!<br /><br />Äjejeje!<br /><br />====<br /><br />BATA1: Migs,paryente gro ni Mama ang bag-o nga Presidente sng Amerika subong nga nagdaug.<br />BATA2: Nga-a Migs hw?<br />My dugo kmo mestiso Negro?<br />BATA2: wla mn, bsta kda matulog cla sling ni Papa kay mama'' UBA MA! UBA MA! Hehehe.. <br /><br />====<br /><br />"Ang mga ginikanan gakamang2x pinangita ug kwarta pra s atoa<br /><br />Samtang..<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ang anak gakamang2x pinangita sa dalan ky hastang huboga!<br />=>hehehe<br />'m0wning!<br /><br />====<br /><br />Teacher: pedro,defyn PHYSICS.<br />Pedro:simple mam,naglakaw ka sa karsada,kusog au ang ulan,niagi ang trak,naligsan ang 2big.dah!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />PHYSICS lage!<br /><br />====<br /><br />hindi man gnun<br />ksArap ang<br />buHay..<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />haBang buHay<br />nMn ak0ng<br />mSarAp...haHaha<br /><br />====<br /><br />TRIVIA<br /><br />did y0u kn0w<br />that<br />all numbers<br />fr0m<br />1 to 999 d0esn't<br />have the letter<br />A?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />uy! Magbibilang<br />yan agad!<br /><br />====<br /><br />MnsAn,<br />mAs EsPesyAl,<br />aNg LawAy,<br />KaysA Luha!<br /><br />Kc khit<br />cnO, pwde<br />mOng<br />IyAkan...<br /><br />Pero Ang<br />LawAy,<br />tutuLO lng..<br /><br /><br />Sa tAoNg<br />Gus2 m0ng<br />TikmAn. .<br />ahehe. .m0wning!<br /><br />====<br /><br />'y0ur future<br />relies<br />oN y0ur<br />dreams..<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />s0,<br />tuL0g lang!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />mgtTgumpay<br />ka rin!<br />hahaha..<br /><br />gd'm0wnin6..Ö<br /><br />====<br /><br />isang gbi,isang lolo ang humtak s isang ba2e s damuhan..<br /><br />Girl: lolo, kht mhubran nyo q, d nyo q kyng gahasain dhl su2mp0ng lng ryuma ny0<br /><br /><br /><br />Lolo:watch me! Nagflanax yta 2! <br /><br />-hahahah.. ?_=<br /><br />====<br /><br />AMO: Hoy, Inday! Bakit sunog ang sinaing?<br />INDAY: Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus effect of the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the Oriza sativa to change its state of color, smell as well as taste.<br />AMO: In other words, you didn't apply your knowledge about heat conductors and left the Oriza sativa to burn! Akala mo, nosebleed ako' no?! Nagi-study na ako... Bring it on! Bitch! <br />-hahaha panis c inday<br /><br />====<br /><br />It's<br />hard<br />wen<br />you<br />realyZ<br />that<br />*some text missing*<br /><br /><br /><br />hndi<br />m0<br />mlamn<br />kung<br />*some text missing*<br /><br /><br /><br />Hndi<br />m<br />2loy<br />maintndhn<br />na<br />*some text missing*<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />hehe.. ^-^<br /><br />====<br /><br />JUAN: aray! bkt mko sinuntok?<br />PEDRO: tnwg mkong hippopotamus eh!<br />JUAN: last yir pa un ah!<br /><br /><br />PEDRO:ngaun ko lng nalaman itsura nun eh!ü<br /><br />====<br /><br />"ang mga taong di photogenic at di mgwang mgng mganda o gwapo sa picture ..<br /><br /><br />laging suggesti0n :<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />WACKY! DALI WACKY TAYO!<br /><br />hahahaü :-D<br /><br />====<br /><br />Pinoy jokes from +63915569**** +63906653**** +63906222****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-720437456545709497?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/ynll71PC0Rc/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)21http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2009/04/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-6741667884031589981Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:38:00 +00002009-03-30T18:38:00.466+08:001ng pin0y<br />ng'pR0p0s<br />s pnay n<br />mNmhL<br />uPng<br />mpSg0t<br />ang bA2e<br />pngHandaAn<br />ang sSbhn.<br /><br />B0y:wil u b my<br />weDing?<br />Girl:hahaha.<br />B0y:watz<br />Lafing?<br />Girl:wr0ng<br />gramMing.<br /><br />====<br /><br />D<br />m0st<br />pa!nfuL<br />thnG<br />dat<br />a<br />guy<br />cud<br />d0<br />2his<br />grL<br />s<br />sit<br />w/<br />hs<br />frndz<br />& sAy,<br />"pare<br />Luk at her<br />paniwlng pniwla<br />mhL<br />q xa<br />haha!<br />pare<br />d ña alm<br />kw ang mhL q!<br />pkiz nga!"<br /><br />====<br /><br />PERD0: wLa q<br />gHp0n<br />mam,nangank<br />man gd aq<br />nanay<br />TCHR: h0y,<br />SPEAK N ENGLISH!<br />PEDRO: 0ops,s0ri<br />mam. L0st me<br />yestrday bC0z<br />my m0ther ws<br />b0rn!<br />TCHR: Gud! Siting<br />dwn.<br /><br />====<br /><br />GirL1:0ist grL,<br />nbLitaAn q ngbrk<br />n kau ng bf m?<br /><br />GirL2:0o kc d<br />mrun0ng humLik<br />tsaka isng styLe<br />lng ang alm n2. .<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />flying kisS!<br /><br />====<br /><br />Sumtyms<br />curius aq<br />bk8 kya<br />kpG nsktn<br />Umiiyk?<br />kpG msya<br />umiiyk dn?<br />KailanGan<br />b tlG<br />nG luha?<br />naicp q 2l0y,<br />mbuTi n un<br />kesa nMn<br />nGLLwAy<br />hbnG msya!<br />Yucky db?<br /><br />====<br /><br />Mnsn<br />s<br />buHay,<br />tk0t<br />ty0ng<br />hrPin<br />ang<br />k22hnAn<br />kc,<br />mdLas<br />nsSktn<br />ty0.<br /><br /><br />Ak0?<br />s<br />ngaun,<br />isa<br />Lng<br />ang<br />kintTkuTn<br />q.<br /><br />ALm<br />m<br />kung<br />an0?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />secret!<br /><br /><br />bka<br />tkuTin<br />m aq<br />eh!<br /><br />====<br /><br />F u c ur bf/gf<br />fLirtin' w/sm1. .<br />LapiTn m xa hiLain at pgpagin ang damit & sAy. ."bAby q,an0 kb<br />nMn?mLki ka n<br />ngLLr0 k pRn ng<br />bAsura. .i t0Ld u<br />its dirty!"<br /><br />====<br /><br />in hell. .<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />eks hell. .<br />in hell. .<br />eks hell!<br />iksirsays ba. .<br />Pra s0megla!<br /><br />====<br /><br />NnGyri<br />n b sau unG<br /><br /><br />akLa m 4Get<br />m n xa?<br /><br /><br /><br />wLa n,<br /><br /><br /><br />tp0s nG Lht,<br /><br /><br />tp0s<br />1day<br /><br /><br />nGkta<br />kau,<br /><br /><br />nGumiti<br />sau,<br /><br /><br />nsbe m<br />nLnG<br /><br />bt Gnun?<br /><br /><br /><br />panGaG n Lageh<br />xa. .<br /><br />====<br /><br />Si Uzumaki Naruto ay magiting na ninja galing s bayan ng Konoha. Ipadala ito sa 25 na tao at magiging ninja ka,hindi ito kalokohan yung kpitbhay nmin hokage na.<br /><br />====<br /><br />may jokE aq..<br /><br />xa bahay..<br /><br />TaTay: pedrO, kunin m yng kaningBabOy xa kmbento..<br /><br />Pedro: cge po tay..<br /><br />.xa kumbento.<br /><br /><br />Father: o iho, bkt k nand2?<br />P: pnapkuha po n tatay yng kaning baboy..<br />F: ah, anOng pngaLan m?<br />P: pedro poh..<br />F: anOng year k na?<br />P: 1st yr collge poh..<br />F: ah, anong knukuha m?<br /><br />P: kaningbaBoy poH..<br /><br />.weh, corny, haha.<br />.txt2.<br /><br /><br />====<br /><br />Pinoy jokes from +63916930**** +63915820****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-6741667884031589981?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/dOXnqAn0IUQ/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_30.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)10http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2009/03/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_30.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-5264798175380512528Wed, 18 Mar 2009 10:31:00 +00002009-03-18T18:37:53.645+08:00SA ISANG LIBLIB NA BARYO:<br /><br />Bata: tAtanG, pwde po mgtanong?<br /><br />TataNg: ano un ineng?<br /><br />B: saan po papunta itong daan na to?<br /><br />T: alam mo ineng, mtagal n q dito pero hnd ku pa nktang umalis yang daan na yan..<br /><br /><br />====<br /><br /><br />may mga<br />bagay sa mundo..<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />may mga tao rin..<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />may mga hayop<br />pa nga eh..<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />tsaka halaman..<br />hehehe..<br /><br />====<br /><br />50 yrs nang kasal si lolo inggo at aling petra at gawain nila tuwing umaga sabay silang nagaalmusal ng hub0't hubad...<br /><br />Isang umaga,<br /><br />Aling petra: alam mo inggo ang tagal na nating mag asawa ngaun lang ulit ako nkaramdam ng ganito. Nagiinit ang ktawan q parang gusto ko n anuhin mo ako hihihi..!<br /><br />Lolo inggo: malandi kang matanda ka! Tanga! Panung di ka mka2ramdam ng init sa katawan e ang isa m0ng ut0ng nakasawsaw sa kape bitch!<br /><br />====<br /><br />Lumapit c baby centipede k daddy centipede at me binulong<br /><br /><br />Hinimatay ang dad<br /><br /><br />Anong bnulong ng anak?<br /><br /><br />"dad, bili m k0 slippers yung<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Havaianas"<br /><br />====<br /><br />if you want to remove wrinkles, pimples,<br /><br />face marks and the 7 signs of skin aging<br /><br />try....<br /><br /> <br /> ADOBE PHOTOSHOP!<br /><br />====<br /><br />i dnt knw<br />h0w 2say<br />"nskitn<br />bya q"<br />i dnt knw<br />h0w 2sh0uT<br />d w0rd<br />"nsuko nq"<br />..ing0n ana jud<br />n bsta<br />LuV niM0<br /><br /><br />nskitn n gni<br />m0ing0n p jud,<br /><br /><br />"wla oi,<br />0k ra q"<br /><br />====<br /><br />ReaLity byts:<br />u xctdLy snd<br />LuV quotes 2 d 1<br />u LuV<br />0nLy 4 dEm 2<br />snd 8 2 d 1 dEy<br />riLi luV. .<br /><br /><br />dn dEy end up<br />being 2gdr. .<br /><br /><br />& y0u?<br /><br /><br /><br />. .stL w8ng 4 d<br />repLy. .<br /><br />====<br /><br />Minsan<br />Puro ako<br />Biro.<br /><br />Laging<br />Nkatawa<br /><br /><br />Prang laging<br />Nka drugz..<br /><br /><br />Pro sna<br />Pniwlaan mo<br />Ako.<br /><br />Seryoso ako<br />Pgsinabi kung<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Ako ang<br />Magliligtas sa mundo..:-)<br /><br />====<br /><br />Mnsn<br />ngddlwang<br />iCp<br />ak0<br />bg0<br />kta<br />itxt<br /><br />bka<br />kc<br />bz<br />ka<br /><br />bad<br />trip<br /><br />wLa<br />s<br />m0od<br />o kya<br /><br />wLang<br />bLak<br />mgrpLy<br />pRo<br />ay0s<br />Lng<br /><br /><br />at<br />LeaSt<br />db<br />isa<br />ak0 s<br />mga<br />ta0ng<br />suki s<br />inbox m0<br /><br /><br />====<br /><br />Wake up<br />&<br />wink<br />d0s<br />teeny<br />weeny<br />eyes<br /><br /><br />stretch<br />d0s<br />inzy<br />winzy<br />b0nes<br />&<br /><br />wear<br />dat<br /><br />j0lly<br />winning<br />SMILE<br /><br />&<br />tel<br />urself<br /><br /><br />whoa..<br /><br /><br /><br />im s0o0o cute 2day!<br />Good morning!<br /><br />====<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes from +63927821**** +63927660**** +63926686**** +63923307**** +63916930****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-5264798175380512528?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/ev6RKdEEvvY/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)6http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2009/03/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-2080171594277380511Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:34:00 +00002009-02-06T00:50:49.622+08:00A 90 yrs old man starts making love to his 85yrs old wife. He started sucking her breast, after 10 seconds, he died...<br /><br /><br />Autopsy report: <br /><br /><br />Cause of death,<br /><br />EXPIRED MILK WITH MELAMINE SUBSTANCE...<br /><br /><br />======<br /><br />My happyness is...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />wr0ng spellinG..<br />Wahaha!<br />Ooops, ba2likan nya yan!<br />HaHaha<br /><br />====<br /><br />Another pinoy joke: Paano magtoothbrush ang tanga? Sagot: Una titingin sa salamin at saka sisipilyuhin ang ngipin!<br /><br />===<br /><br />Row pa..<br /><br /><br /><br />Row pa..<br /><br /><br /><br />Row pa..plezZ..<br /><br /><br /><br />..plez lng day ha.<br />Hewalayan m n c Yilmaz!kng gs2 m p aq mbohay,hwg ka ng b0malek ng estanbol!<br />-anNaBeLE Rama<br /><br />===<br />Pasyente: doc,regular lage ko malibang,kada alas 7 sa buntag<br />DR: maayo nuon nä Unsa may problem?<br />Pasyente:8 am man gud ko makamata.mangapislat na,inig mata nko...<br /><br />...!+£gUd EVeNiNg£+!<br /><br />===<br /><br />Message<br />ko i2<br />pra bukas..<br />Bukas<br />mo n<br />bsahin.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Sbi ko bukas na,<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ang kulit!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Bhala ka!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />GOOD MORNING!!!<br />..Oh! Tamo?<br />Morning b ngyon?!:-)<br />===<br /><br />Tao1:is0Li q<br />it0ng nbiLi k0ng<br />DVD.<br />Tao2: an0ng<br />pRbLma?<br />T1:wLang pictyr<br />ska s0und.<br />Sayang,susPens<br />thrLer p yta i2.<br /><br /><br /><br />T2: an0ng title?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />T1: The Lens Cleaner!<br />====<br /><br />Happy Valentines Day!!! Maligayang Araw ng mga Puso!!!<br /><br />Pinoyjokes from +63927827****, +63926536****,+63923307****, +63926186****,+44779799****, +63905882****, +63907726****,+63905775****,+63905882****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-2080171594277380511?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/3VqriBsvl-w/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)4http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2009/02/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-6396398575981997216Thu, 22 Jan 2009 18:37:00 +00002009-01-23T02:38:31.781+08:00TONYO: “Miss, isa ngang siopao, yung babae ha! ”<br />WAITRESS: “Babaeng siopao?? ”<br />TONYO: “Oo,yung papel na sapin, kumbaga napkin!! ”<br />WAITRESS: “Ah, ganun ba! E’ lalaking siopao po lang ang nandito. ”<br />TONYO: “Lalake?” <br />WAITRESS: “Opo, kasi may itlog sa loob eh!”<br /><br /> * * * * <br /><br />May alagang carabao ang tatay….intusan nya ang anak nya… <br />TATAY: “anak painumin mo yung carabao natin.” <br />ANAK: “opo ‘tay.” <br />Pagkalipas ang dalawang minuto… <br />ANAK: “tay ayaw naman uminom ng carabao natin… ”<br />TATAY: “bakit?! saan mo ba kasi pinainom yung carabao?? ”<br />ANAK: “sa baso.” <br />TATAY: “bugok ka pala eh…lagyan mo ng straw!”<br /><br />* * * *<br />Bitoy: “Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?” <br />Dagul: “Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako. ”<br />Bitoy: “Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?” <br />Dagul: “Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin! ”<br /><br />* * * *<br /><br />Judge: “Miss ilang beses ka ba ni-rape nitong akusado? ”<br />Rape Victim: “Tatlong beses po! ”<br />Rapist: “Sinungaling, Dalawang beses lang. ”<br />Rape Victim: “Bakit, di ba Counted yung nasa Ibabaw ako? ”<br /><br />* * * * <br /><br />Nagbalikbayan ang anak ni Karyo after 20 years sa Amerika. Isang umaga, nag-usap ang mag-ama: <br />KARYO: “John, marami akong ITINURO sa ating bagong maid. ”<br />BALIKBAYAN JOHN: “Dad, please speak in English!! ”<br />KARYO: “John, I fingered our new maid many times! ”<br /><br />* * * * <br />Bobo: “Pare hulaan mo pangalan ko, nagsisimula sa letter R ”<br />Pare: “Rene? ”<br />Bobo:”mali ”<br />Pare: “Reming ”<br />Bobo:”mali pa rin ”<br />Pare: “o sige sirit na” <br />Bobo: “Ar man angtanga moh pare!” <br /><br />* * * * <br /><br />AMO: “Inday, cguro yang kuya mo nambababae na naman!! Pirmeng maaga kung umalis eh! Kaninang umaga, anong oras na naman umalis? ”<br />INDAY: “I-wan ku pu maam, pag gising ko kanina, WALA NA SA TABI KO!”<br /><br />* * * *<br />Anong mas Matalim? <br />Anong mas matalim ang NGIPIN o PUWET? <br />isip….. <br />isip….. <br />isip….. <br />isip….. <br />isip….. <br />kung ang sagot mo ay PUWET tama ka… bakit kamo? <br />kaya bang pumutol ng TAE ang NGIPIN mo. <br /><br />* * * *<br />Nagpa-check up ang isang buntis… <br />Dok: “Misis, ayon sa ultrasound, walang sanggol sa sinapupunan mo. Puro hangin lang!”<br />Buntis: “Hoy, dok! Excuse me! Anong akala mo sa mister ko, compressor?! ”<br /><br />* * * *<br /><br />Ang Tanong <br />Sa pagmamahal, hindi naman tanong ‘yung “Mahal mo ba talaga ako?” o kaya “Nag-iisa lang ba ako sa puso mo?“ <br />Ang tanong talaga ay “Ilang round ba ang kaya mo? Masasarapan ba ako sa ‘yo?” <br /><br />* * * *<br />TINDERA: “Sir, bili na kayo ng kurtina”! <br />ERAP : “Sige, bibili ako para sa computer ko. ”<br />TINDERA: “Bakit po sa computer?” <br />ERAP : “May “Windows” kasi ang computer ko eh”<br /><br /><br />Pinoy Jokes from email :)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-6396398575981997216?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/B4ImhonpF0c/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)8http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2009/01/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-887482757496801652Sun, 16 Nov 2008 15:36:00 +00002008-11-16T23:37:35.217+08:00Merry Christmas and a Happy New year to all Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages readers!!!!!<br />Maligayang Pasko and Manigong Bagong Taon sa inyong Lahat...<br />Let's celebrate 2009 smiling :)<br /><br />--------<br /><br /><br />A 90 yrs old man starts making love to his 85yrs old wife. He started sucking her breast, after 10 seconds, he died...<br /><br /><br />Autopsy report:<br /><br /><br />Cause of death,<br /><br />EXPIRED MILK WITH MELAMINE SUBSTANCE...<br /><br />-------<br /><br />BATA: Pangit! (5x)<br />LALAKE: Sabihan mo pa ko ulit na pangit, papatayin kta!<br /><br /><br /><br />...Next day...<br /><br /><br /><br />BATA: psst!<br /><br />LALAKE: ano?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />BATA: alam na! :D<br /><br />---------<br /><br />My happyness is...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />wr0ng spellinG..<br />Wahaha!<br />Ooops, ba2likan nya yan!<br />HaHaha<br />---------<br /><br />BOY: may aaminin aq sau<br /><br /><br />GIRL: Ano?<br /><br /><br /><br />B: mhal kta!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />B: y d kna rply?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />B: pa2kamatAy aq!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />B: hwak q n kutslyo!<br /><br />..isa2ksak q na! (patay n c BOY)<br /><br />GIRL: nakatulog aq, sori po. Mhal din kta!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />GIRL: ui, ui! Stil der?<br /><br />---------<br /><br />COMMON FILIPINO MISTAKES:<br /><br />1."ale, pbling colgate, ung closeup."<br />-adik k s 2tpaste?<br /><br />2."srado m pinto! La2bas ang aircon."<br />-sosyal, may paa?<br /><br />3."yaya,salubungn mo ung skulbus ni junior."- tama yan psagasa mo!<br /><br />4."anak, 2mbi ka s ssakyan ha"<br />-patayn dn c junior?<br /><br />5."tnuka ako ng ahas"- man0k b ito? May tuka?<br /><br />6."my tonsil aq"<br />-kmi rn.c=<br /><br />7."my candy aq, yw m?"<br />-ofer b yn?<br /><br />8."2log kn?"<br />-mlman m p kya kng oo?<br /><br />9."lowbat aq e"<br />-d bterya krn?<br /><br />--------<br /><br />I<br />met<br />a<br />craZy man,<br />&<br />i<br />askd<br />hIM,<br />wt<br />s<br />gr8r?<br /><br />Hart<br />or<br />braiN?<br /><br />He<br />answrd<br />me<br />lafFing<br />"i<br />l0st<br />my<br />brain<br />c0z<br />of<br />l0ve,<br /><br /><br />bt<br /><br /><br />i<br />l0st<br />my<br />l0ve<br />bc0z<br />i<br />f0l0wd<br />my brain.<br /><br />------<br /><br />things ù dont need 2 know but i'm sharin':<br /><br />-aLL shrimps are born femaLe, but turns 2 maLe as time goes.. so r dey Like Lesbians?<br /><br />-starfishes are pretty but dey dont have brains.. so be offended if sum1 caLLs ù 1..<br /><br />-penguins can onLy have 1 mate, dey spend aLmost haLf of deyr Lyf Lookin' 4 deyr destined partner, den spend d rest of it wid him/her.. how sweet is dat?<br /><br /><br />i dont know if ù find those amusin'?<br />but i do,<br /><br /><br />& i hope u'l find ùr penguin..ü<br /><br />------<br /><br />Tatay: anak bakla ka ba?<br />Anak:opo..<br />sabay lubog ng mukha ng anak s harina.<br /><br />Tatay:ANO? ngay0n la2ki ka na ba?<br />anak:geisha n po..<br /><br />nagalit ang tatay sabay nilubogmukha ng anak s baldeng puno ng tubig..<br /><br />Tatay:ngaun anu ka na?! SAGOT!<br />anak:dyesebel n po..<br /><br />nagalit lalo ang tatay..kya pinaso nya ito ng plantsa hnggang ito'y mangitim..<br /><br />Tatay:PUNYETA ka! ano k n ngayon!!<br />anak:aq n po c beyonce!!:-D,.<br />..ayou..haha..ü<br /><br />------<br /><br />WHAT EVERY KISS MEANS:<br />smack: "im reAdy"<br />4head: "h0pe we're 2geder 4ever"<br />hand: "i ad0re u"<br />lips: "i L0ve u"<br /><br />WHAT GESTURES MEANS:<br />sLap on d butt: "dat's mine"<br />pLaying w/ hair: "teLL me u L0ve me"<br />h0Lding hands: "we definitELy L0ve each ader"<br />arms ar0und d waist: "i L0ve u 2much 2Let g0"<br />laughing whiLe kissing: "im c0mpLeteLy c0m4tabLe w/ u"<br /><br />-if ur thinking ab0ut sum1 wyL reading dis, UR DEFINITELY IN L0VE.. ^^,<br /><br />--------<br />Kinuha ng isang Kanong Pari si Pacquiao as interpreter..<br /><br /><br /><br />Pari: The Lord was crucified between 2 robbers.<br /><br />Pac: Si Hesus ay ipinako s gitna ng 2 goma.Pari: We need to sacrifice.<br /><br />Pac: Kailangan natin ng 2 sakong bigas.<br /><br />Pari: If we do not repent,<br /><br />Pac: Kapag hindi natin pininturahang muli,<br /><br />Pari: Thewrath of God will come upon you.<br /><br />Pac: Ang mga daga ng Diyos ay pupunta sayo.(nagtawanan)<br /><br />Pari: Well.. Well..<br /><br />Pac: Balon.. Balon..<br /><br />;'p Haha!<br /><br />------<br /><br /><br />PEDRO:<br />Miss,pabili nga ng bolpen.<br /><br />MISS:<br />Sorry po sir, wala po kaming bolpen.<br /><br />(Inis na lumabas si Pedro sa tindahan)<br /><br />PEDRO:<br />My God! Penshoppe walang bolpen!<br /><br />-------<br />a nUrse came 2 vsit hs 3 mental patients<br /><br />P1:(ngbbsa ng encyclopedia)<br /><br />N:wow! improvng ka! dts gud.<br /><br />P2:(ngbbsa ng dictionry)<br /><br />N:cool! ipgp2loy mo lng yn.<br /><br />P3:(nktyo s mesa w/arms wide open) "aq ang ilaw!"<br /><br />N:hoy! bumba k nga jn. bka mhulog k. wla k p dn pgbbgo.(naupo c P3 s upuan)<br /><br />P1 & P2: ay, brownout?<br /><br />------<br />1 day i read<br />smoking is bad<br />i stop smoking<br />1 day i read<br />drinking is bad<br />i stop drinking<br />1 day i read<br />sex is bad<br /><br />ay naku!..<br /><br />I stop reading..<br />Reading is bad!!<br /><br />-------<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes from +63906222****,+63916423****,+63905775****,+63905403****,+63923212****<br />+63916754****,+63916235****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-887482757496801652?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/dMyzkR4edd0/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)11http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/11/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-8338764458938529776Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:24:00 +00002008-10-06T19:24:01.038+08:00JOSE: Kumusta ang assignment?<br /> RICK: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko.<br /> JOSE: Naku, ako rin! Paano 'yan? Baka isipin <br /> nila, nagkopyahan tayo?! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> TOTO: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!<br /> JOVY: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?<br /> TOTO: Hindi! 'Yan din ang pangarap niya! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> DOK: May taning na ang buhay mo.<br /> JUAN: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?<br /> DOK: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.<br /> JUAN: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru'n? <br /> DOK: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> LITO: Pare, ano ba ang kaibahan ng H2O sa CO2?<br /> JOSE: Diyos ko naman! Di mo ba alam 'yun?!<br /> Ang H2O ay water! At ang CO2... COLD water.<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> ”Gustong malaman ng magkaibigan kung may basketbolan sa langit.<br /> Nagkasundo sila na kung sino ang unang mamatay ay babalik upang<br /> sabihin kung may basketbol sa langit. <br /> Naunang namatay si Dado.”<br /> Isang gabi, may narinig na boses si Rodel na parang kay Dado.<br /> "Ikaw ba 'yan, Dado?" usisa ni Rodel.<br /> "Oo naman!" tugon ni Dado. <br /> "Parang hindi totoo!" bulalas ni Rodel."O,ano, meron bang<br /> basketball sa langit?"<br /> Sagot ni Dado, "May maganda at masama akong<br /> balita sa 'yo. Ang maganda, may basketbol doon. Ang masama... <br /> kasali ka sa makakalaban namin bukas!" (ngek!)<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> Usapan ng dalawang bata...<br /> JUNJUN: Magaling ang tatay ko! Alam mo'yang<br /> Pacific Ocean , siya ang humukay nun! <br /> PEDRO: Wala 'yan sa tatay ko! Alam mo yung Dead Sea ?<br /> JUNJUN: Oo...<br /> PEDRO: Siya ang pumatay nun!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> STEWARDEES: Do you want a drink, sir?<br /> SIR: What are my choices? <br /> STEWARDEES: Yes or No.<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> MISIS: Hindi ko na kaya 'to! Araw-araw nalang tayong nag-aaway<br /> Mabuti pa, umalis na ako sa bahay na 'to! <br /> MISTER: Ako rin, sawang-sawa na! Away rito,away roon! Mabuti pa <br /> siguro, sumama na ako sa 'yo!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> Misis: Delayed ako nang one month pero huwag mo munang<br /> ipagsabi.Nahihiya ako...<br /> Mister: Okey.<br /> (Kinabukasan, dumating Collector ng Meralco.) .. <br /> COLLECTOR: Misis, delayed po kayo ng one month.<br /> MISIS: Ha? Bakit mo alam?<br /> COLLECTOR: Nasa record po.<br /> MISTER: Bakit Naka-record diyan na delayed ang misis ko?<br /> COLLECTOR: Kung gusto ninyong mawala sarecord, magbayad kayo!<br /> MISTER: Eh kung ayokong magbayad?<br /> COLLECTOR: Puputulan kayo!<br /> MISTER: Eh anong gagamitin ni misis?<br /> COLLECTOR: Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila. <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa...<br /> ADVANTAGE: 'Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.<br /> DISADVANTAGE: 'Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan parin!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> TANONG: What is the difference between a girlfriend,a call girl and a wife? <br /> SAGOT: Post paid, pre paid, unlimited.<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> Sa isang classroom...<br /> TITSER: Class, what is ETHICS?<br /> PETER: Etiks are smaller than ducks.<br /> TITSER: Okey, that duck will lay an egg in your card. <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> JUAN: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay<br /> kaming kumain. Ngayongmahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.<br /> PEDRO: Baligtad yata?<br /> JUAN: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> ANAK: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma'am kung ano raw ang propesyon mo.<br /> TATAY: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.<br /> ANAK: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?<br /> TATAY:'Yung taga-ayos ng radio sa car! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> ”Umuwi si mister nang 4:00 AM at nakita niya ang<br /> kanyang misis na may katalik na lalaki sa kama”...<br /> Misis: (sumigaw) SAAN KA GALING?!<br /> Mister: Sino 'yang katabi mo? <br /> Misis: GRABE KA! HUWAG MONG IBAHIN ANG USAPAN!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> ROD: Bakit bad trip ka?<br /> HARRY: Nagtampo sa 'kin ang utol ko.<br /> ROD: Bakit naman?<br /> HARRY: Nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday niya. <br /> ROD: 'Yun lang? Anong masama ru'n?<br /> HARRY: Ang masama ru'n... twins kami! Twins!<br /><br /><br />Pinoy Jokes Email from Jhun de Leon<br />Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-8338764458938529776?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/fJVgfJ-miBQ/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)6http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/10/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-6021521771391079602Mon, 22 Sep 2008 09:58:00 +00002008-09-22T17:58:00.077+08:00TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?<br />CLYDE: No, mam, it's the same dog.<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?<br />HAROLD: A teacher mam!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />"DALAWANG LASING...NAGLALAKAD."<br />LASING-1: Shege pare, Ayan na yung bahay namin eh, dito na lang ako, salamat sa paghatid mo sakin ha!<br /><br />LASING-2: Mali ka pare, hindi yan ang bahay mo... diyan ako nakatira eh... kaya sa amin yang bahay na yan! Okey?<br /><br />BABAE :(Nagbukas ng pinto}.. Hoy, mga Unggoy! Anong pinagtatalunan nyo diyan? Lasing na naman kayong Mag-ama noh?<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> <br />DIRTY OLD MAN: Alam mo pare, lima ang tsiks ko ngayon!<br /><br />PARE : Magaganda ba sila pare?<br /><br />D.O.M.: Maganda sila pare.... at magkakamukha pa silang lahat!<br /><br />PARE : Ha, bakit nagkaganon pare?<br /><br />D.O.M. : Lahat sila Mukhang Pera !!<br /><br />----------------- <br /><br />ARMY : Manong, san ba dito nagpupugad ang mga NPA..? <br /><br />MANGYAN: Sir, matagal nako dito sa bundok, pero wala pa akong nakikitang pugad ng NPA.... Ano ba kulay ng ITLOG nila sir..?<br /><br />----------------- <br /><br /> ERAP: (Nag-e-exercise) 1234 Amen...!<br /> 5678 Amen...!<br /> 8765 Amen...!<br /> 4321 Amen...!<br /><br /> JINGOY: Dad, bakit may pa-amen amen ka pa..?<br /><br /> ERAP: Kasi sabi ng Doktor ko... "EXERCISE RELIGIOUSLY"..!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /><br /> An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa. <br /><br /><br /> Consul : What is your name? <br /> Arab: Abdul Aziz <br /><br /> Consul: Sex? <br /> Arab : Six to ten times a week <br /><br /> Consul: I mean, male or female? <br /> Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels <br /><br /> Consul: Holy cow! <br /> Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!! <br /><br /> Consul: Man,...isn ' t it hostile? <br /> Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style <br /><br /> Consul: Oh...dear! <br /> Arab : Ah Deer? Me no fuck, they run too fast! <br /><br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> <br /> Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, "What are NITRATES? <br /> The student replied shyly, "Ma'am, sa motel po.<br /> NITRATES are higher than day-rates!"<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> "Usapan ng dalawang mayabang..."<br /><br /> Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala<br /> niya ang dyaryo sa akin.<br /> Diego: Alam ko.<br /> Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?<br /> Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> WHO'S GUILTY?<br /> Wife dreaming in the middle of the night<br /> suddenly shouts, "Quick, my husband is back!"<br /> Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, "Damn! I am the <br /> husband!"<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes Email from Jhun de Leon<br />Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-6021521771391079602?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/xOSG7ulYXlQ/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_22.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)2http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/09/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_22.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-922540668923405946Mon, 08 Sep 2008 09:58:00 +00002008-09-08T17:58:00.531+08:00MISIS: Inday! nakita mo ba senyorito mo? kanina ko <br /> hinahanap eh!<br /><br /> INDAY: Hindi ko po alam sinyura!<br /><br /> MISIS: Nambabae na naman siguro yun! Di mo ba <br /> talaga nakita?<br /><br /> INDAY: Hindi po sinyura, kasi pag gising ko po kanina ....<br /> wala na siya sa tabi ko eh!<br /><br />----------------- <br /> <br /><br /><br />TITSER: Pedro, what is Ethics?<br /><br /> PEDRO: Ethics mam is the relative of Duck !!<br /><br /> TITSER: Its ok Pedro!....and that duck will lay an egg....<br /> and that egg will be your Grade..... Sit down!<br /><br />----------------- <br /><br />Paano mo sasabihin sa kausap mo na MAITIM<br /> ang kili-kili niya.... ng di siya magagalit?<br /><br /> GANITO: Bestfriend, ano ba ang ginagamit mong<br /> deodorant........KIWI?<br /><br />-----------------x x x <br /><br />TITSER: Pedro, ano ang tawag dito? (pointing to the "sex<br /> organ" ng lalaki na naka-drowing sa blackboard).<br /><br /> PEDRO: Mam, meron po dadi ko niyan! Pag MALIIT po, <br /> ginagamit niya sa pag-ihi.....Pag MALAKI naman<br /> po, ginagamit na TOOTHBRUSH ni yaya !<br /><br />-----------------x x x <br /><br /> TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .<br /><br /> MARIA: Here it is.<br /><br /> TEACHER: Correct! Now class, who discovered America ?<br /><br /> CLASS: Maria Maam !!<br /><br />-----------------x x <br /><br />TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?<br /><br /> DONALD: H I J K L M N O.<br /><br /> TEACHER: What are you talking about?<br /><br /> DONALD: Mam, Yesterday you said it's H to O.<br /><br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?<br /><br /> GLEN: Well, because I'm a lot closer to the ground <br /> than you are, mam!! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."<br /><br /> MILLIE: I is...<br /><br /> TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."<br /><br /> MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." <br /><br />-----------------<br />TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his <br /> father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you <br /> know why his father didn't punish him?<br /><br /> LOUIE: Because George still had the AXE in his hand, mam !! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers<br /> before eating?<br /><br /> SIMON: No sir, I don't have to..... 'cuz my Mom is a good cook.<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /><br />Pinoy Jokes Email from Jhun de Leon<br />Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-922540668923405946?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/Zob1Fqz98Aw/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)4http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/09/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-3949132409982921049Sat, 30 Aug 2008 09:58:00 +00002008-08-30T17:58:00.333+08:00GIRL: Luv, When we get married, I want to share all your worries, <br /> troubles and lighten your burden. <br />BOY: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.<br />GIRL: Well, that's because we aren't married yet.<br /> <br />-----------------<br /><br />SON: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.<br />MOM: Well, you have done the right thing son !. <br />SON: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap. <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />WIFE: " What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"<br />HUSBAND: " Golfing with friends, my dear."<br />WIFE: " What ? At 2 am ? "<br />HUSBAND: " Yes, We used night CLUBS."<br /><br />----------------- <br /><br />A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" <br />"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE" <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. <br />"My father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans,"<br />said another. Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."<br /> <br />----------------- <br />Interviewer: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?<br />Millionaire: I owe everything to my wife. <br />Interviewer: Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her ?<br />Millionaire: A Billionaire !!<br /><br />----------------- <br /><br /> A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?" <br /> He replied: "It Depends, if I can find a phone." <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me -<br /> my pretty face or my sexy body?"<br /><br /> He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your<br /> Sense of Humour." !!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> AGAPITO: Pare, da best yung nakuha kong insurance!<br /> pag nasunog ang bahay mo... ipapagawa agad!<br /> pag nawala ang kotse mo. . . papalitan agad!<br /><br /> TULUME: Aba, maganda nga yan pare!<br /><br /> AGAPITO: At ang pinaka da-best dun. . . . pag nawala ang<br /> asawa mo, sinisiguro nilang di na nila ibabalik sayo!!<br /> Okey di ba?<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /> ANAK: Alam nyo 'tay, KAMUNTIK na po akong maging first <br /> honor kanina sa klase namin!<br /><br /> AMA: Tutuo ba yan anak?<br /><br /> ANAK: Opo 'tay! kasi itinuro po ng titser namin yung first honor<br /> namin kanina. . . . eh katabi ko po yung tinuro niya!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes Email from Jhun de Leon<br />Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-3949132409982921049?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/Cf20YxOag4w/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_30.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)2http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/08/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_30.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-489203159640801470Mon, 25 Aug 2008 09:57:00 +00002008-08-25T17:57:00.555+08:00A LIZARD fell on a table......<br />Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae;<br />Kikay: Eew, lizard!;<br />Astig: Shit, butiki!;<br />Mataray: Shucks, butiks!;<br />Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste!;<br />Mahirap: Pare, ULAM! <br /><br />----------------- <br /><br />LADY:Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?<br />PRIEST: Kasi ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />SA PRUSISYON.<br />PARI: Ang mga boys, sumunod sa karo ni San Jose. . . At<br /> ang mga girls, sa karo naman ni Mama Mary !<br />BAKLA: Kami father, saan kami susunod?<br />PARI: Hoy! Mga bruha!. . . Follow me!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />TUKMOL: Sino sa inyo ang matapang? Lumabas!<br />SIGA: Ako, matapang ako, bakit may problema ka?<br />TUKMOL: Wala po sir, survey lang ho....O Ngayon, yung mga duwag naman ang lumabas! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />A WOMAN worries about the future until she gets a husband.<br />A MAN never worries about the future until he gets a wife.<br />A SUCCESSFUL MAN is one who makes money...MORE than his wife can spend.<br />A SUCCESSFUL WOMAN is one who can find such a man !!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />"A woman has the last word in any argument.<br />Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument." <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />M. ARROYO: Glo, kung sakaling di ako makaligtas sa gagawing By-pass operation sa akin, gusto ko sana kung mamatay ako ay katabi ko si Erap at si Jinggoy!!<br />GMA: Di ba kagalit natin ang mga yun? bakit gusto mo silang makatabi?<br />M. ARROYO: Gusto ko kasing mamatay ng katulad ni Kristo eh......nasa gitna ng dalawang magnanakaw!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Anong pool ang pwedeng tulugan?<br />Eh di Pool-ding bed!!<br /><br />Anong pool naman ang paborito kung pasko?<br />Eh di delicious a-pool !!<br /><br />Anong pool naman ang ibinibigay sa mga sexing babae?<br />Ano pa, eh di Si-pool !!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />LADY: Berto! San ka ba galing at inumaga ka ng uwi? Di ba sabi<br /> ko sayo kagabi eh dalhin mo itong pusa at iligaw mo? Eh<br /> bakit nandito pa 'tong bwisit nato? <br /><br />HOUSEBOY: Dinala ko nga po siya kagabi dun sa pinaka-loob ng <br /> gubat mam, inikot ko pa nga po ng inikot sa madilim na<br /> lugar bago ko inilabas sa sako yang pusang yan eh! <br /><br />LADY: Oh eh ano ginawa mo pagkatapos?<br /><br />HOUSEBOY: Mabuti na nga lang po at naisipan kong sundan siya.. .. .<br /> kaya nga po ako naka-uwi eh!!<br /><br />----------------- <br /><br />Pinoy Jokes Email from Jhun de Leon<br />Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-489203159640801470?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/s51EiQTPoEA/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_25.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)1http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/08/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_25.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-5839387844597476836Mon, 11 Aug 2008 09:57:00 +00002008-08-11T17:57:00.431+08:00WIFE: Labs, ano ireregalo mo sa akin sa 10th year<br /> Wedding aniversary natin?<br /><br />MAN: Magtu-tour tayo lab, isasama kita sa Africa at<br /> ipapasyal kita para makita mo ang magagandang<br /> klase ng mga hayop duon!<br /><br />WIFE: Wow! ang sweet naman non! Eh sa 25th Wedding <br /> aniversary natin, ano naman ang plano mong gawin?<br /><br />MAN: Aba eh di. . . . susunduin na kita dun!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />PEDRO: Pare, ang tagal mong nawala ah! San ka ba galing?<br /><br />BRUNO: Sa sementeryo, sa libing ng biyenan ko!<br /> <br />PEDRO: Eh bakit puro kalmot ang katawan at braso mo?<br /><br />BRUNO: Lumaban kasi ng husto eh! Ang hirap ilibing!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />MADRE: Father, pagsabihan nyo naman po yun mga seminarista,<br /> kasi duon sila umi-ihi sa pader...nakakahiya po!<br /><br />PADRE: Ah, huwag kang mag-alala, MALIIT na bagay lang yun<br /> at di na dapat pansinin!<br /><br />MADRE: Hindi po father, MALALAKI PO!<br /><br />----------------- <br /><br />MAN: Labs, kung sakaling hindi ko maliligtasan itong gagawin<br /> sa aking operasyon, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa mga<br /> anak natin ha? Huwag mo silang pababayaan!!<br /><br />WIFE: ULOL! Anong operasyon pinagsasabi mo? Napaka-DUWAG<br /> mo kasi eh! Kung kelan tatlo na anak mo ,,,,, ngayon mo lang<br /> naisipang MAGPA-TULE!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Anak: Mommy, ang ganda ng bracelet mo. Bigay ba ni Daddy 'yan?<br /><br />Mommy: Ay naku anak, kung sa Daddy mo lang ako aasa, baka pati ikaw eh wala sa mundong ito.<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Doc: "Ano ba ang trabaho mo, iha?"<br />Girl: "Substitute po dok."<br />Doc: "Di kaya, prostitute ?"<br />Girl: "Doc, Mommy ko ang prostitute. Kung hindi siya puwede, ako ang pumapalit!"<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Doc: "Hubad na, iha. Huwag kang mag-alala...<br /> I won't take advantage of you!"<br />Girl: "Eh Saan ko po ilalagay ang bra at panty ko?" <br />Doc: "Diyan na lang sa tabi ng brief ko."<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />APO: Lolo, nagse-sex pa po ba kayo ni Lola?<br />LOLO: Oo iha, pero "Oral" na lang. Pag-higa ko sa tabi niya,sinasabi ko "Fuck you" at sumasagot siya, "Fuck you too." Ayos na yon!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />AT THEIR HONEYMOON:<br /><br />A 60-yr old Pastor to his young bride: "Honey, before we do it, would you like us to first pray for guidance."<br /><br />Young Bride: "Darling, just pray for ENDURANCE, I'll take care of the guidance!" Okey?<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Pedro: Apply po ako ng sundalo, sir.<br /><br />Officer: Hindi ka pwede, ang dami mong sirang ngipin, bungi ka pa!<br /><br />Pedro: Bakit sir, sa gyera ba ngayon, KAGATAN na ang labanan? <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br /><br />Pinoy Jokes Email from Jhun de Leon<br />Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-5839387844597476836?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/FikCgjnXWJs/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)3http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/08/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-5725155992671680567Mon, 28 Jul 2008 09:52:00 +00002008-07-28T17:52:00.884+08:00LADY: Dok, nag-a-alalai ako sa kapatid ko.<br /> Dati kasi kinakausap niya ang sarili niya!<br /> Pero ngayon, hindi na niya ginagawa yun!<br /><br />DOK: Aba eh di mabuti! Senyales yun na gumagaling<br /> na siya. Eh ano daw ang dahilan at di na niya<br /> kinakausap ang sarili niya?<br /><br />LADY: Kasi magkagalit daw sila ngayon eh!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />" Sa New Year, wak ikaw suot ng Polka Dots, kasi Sign lang ito ng barya! Ikaw suot RECTANGLEpara SYMBOL ng TSEKE... pero wak ikaw tatalon para hini siya talbog!! Okey? "<br /><br />-----------------<br /> <br />Paano mo sasabihin sa kausap mong BABAE na mukha siyang LALAKI... ng hindi siya masasaktan?<br /> <br />Eh di ganito sabihin mo... Uy ang kyut-kyut mo naman! Kamukhang-kamukha ka ng DADDY MO!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Paano mo sasabihin sa kausap mo na ayaw mo na<br />siyang kausap.... ng hindi siya maghihinanakit?<br /><br />Ganito sabihin mo... O sige pare! Lakad nako,<br />text-text na lang ha?<br /> <br />-----------------<br /><br />Paano mo naman sasabihin sa classmate mo na <br />BUNGI-BUNGI ang ngipin niya.... ng hindi siya <br />magagalit?<br /><br />Ganito lang: Wow classmate! ang ganda naman ng<br />ngipin mo! Para silang nag-e-exam.... one seat apart!<br /> <br />-----------------<br />Paano mo sasabihin sa kausap mo na MAASIM ang<br />amoy niya.... ng di niya daramdamin?<br /><br />Ganito: Bestfriend, may dugong bughaw ka ba?<br />Siguro anak ka ni Datu Puti ano? Halata kasi sa<br />amoy mo eh!<br /> <br />-----------------<br /><br />Paano mo sasabihin sa kausap mo na may LIBAG<br />siya sa leeg... ng hindi siya mapapahiya?<br /><br />GANITO: Wow, ang ganda naman ng suot mong<br />necklace, Black Gold!!<br /> <br />-----------------<br /><br />INDAY: Dok, masakit na masakit po ang tiyan ko...Ano po<br /> ba mabuting gamot dito?<br /><br />DOK: Kelan pa ba nagsimula yan?<br /><br />INDAY: Simula lang po nung kumain ako ng talaba!<br /><br />DOK: Baka naman sira yung nakain mo? Nang buksan mo ba<br /> yung talaba eh wala kang naamoy na mabaho?<br /><br />INDAY: Binubuksan po ba yun?<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />KID-1: Alam mo bang ang galing-galing ng tatay ko?<br /> Maniniwala ka ba na yung mga taong lumpo eh<br /> napapalakad niya!<br /><br />KID-2: Mas magaling ang tatay ko! Kasi yung mga taong<br /> nakakalakad.... nilulumpo niya! <br /> <br />----------------- <br /><br />WALDO: Pare, ano gagawin mo kapag may naka-usap kang <br /> tao na mukhang PUWIT?<br /><br />GERRY: Eh di bibigyan ko ng brief at i-u-upo ko yung<br /> mukha niya sa silya, para marelax siya.<br /> Aba! mahirap yatang makipag-usap sa nakatuwad noh!!<br /> Eh kung ma-ututan ka non!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes Email from Jhun de Leon<br />Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-5725155992671680567?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/no7QOTnBZj4/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_28.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)0http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/07/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_28.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-2936864926163930697Mon, 14 Jul 2008 09:51:00 +00002008-07-14T17:51:00.897+08:00MAN: Hello! ano pangalan mo miss?<br />GIRL: Carmen! kasi mahilig ako sa "CAR" at saka sa "MEN" Ikaw, ano name mo?<br />MAN: Pepe! kasi mahilig din ako eh!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />NANAY: Anak, sabihin mo nga sa tatay mo na hilutin niya ako!<br />ANAK: Tay, tabi ni inay iyutin mo daw tya!<br />AMA: Anak, sabihin mo sa nanay mo wala ako sa mood!<br />ANAK: Nay, tabi ni itay wala daw tya tamod!<br /><br />----------------- <br /><br />BOY-1: Alam mo ba na ang tatay ko ang pinaka-mataas na tao sa mundo?<br />BOY-2: Bakit, gaano ba kataas ang tatay mo?<br />BOY-1: Ang tatay ko kasi, pag itinaas ang dalawa<br /> niyang kamay, abot ang ibang planeta!<br />BOY-2: Pandak pala ng tatay mo! Kasi hindi naman<br /> ibang planeta yung na-a-abot niya eh....<br /> ITLOG NG TATAY KO YUN!!<br /> <br />-----------------<br /><br />BOY-1 Alam mo ba na ang bahay namin ang pinaka-malaki sa lahat ng bahay? Sa sobrang <br /> laki nga non eh pwede kang makapaglaro ng Golf at Basketball sa loob.<br />BOY-2 Eh pang-squatter lang pala bahay nyo eh! Mas malaki ang bahay namin! Dahil <br /> nga sa sobrang laki kaya nagsasara kami ng bintana sa gabi...<br />BOY-1 Eh bakit kayo nagsasara?<br />BOY-2 Nag-a-alala parents ko kasi baka daw makapasok ang buwan! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />AMO: Inday, bakit sunog ang tenga mo?<br />INDAY: Kasi may tumawag po kanina eh, napagkamalan kopong telepono yung plantsa! <br /> Wrong number naman pala!<br />AMO; Eh bakit dalawang tenga mo nasunog?<br />INDAY: Eh kasi po tumawag ulit yung TANGA!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />NATO: Pare, kamusta ka na? kasama ko nga pala itongina-anak mo, gusto ka daw makita eh!<br />GERRY: Aba, ang laki na pala noh! Pare, SIGURADO kong magiging mahusay na Driver <br /> tong ina-anak ko paglaki niya!!<br />NATO: Paano mo naman nasiguro pare?<br />GERRY: Kamukhang-kamukha kasi ng driver nyo eh!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />PILO: Pare, sobra talaga ang tapang ni Kanor! Akalain mo bang tumalon sa eroplano <br /> ng walang parachute!<br />PEDRO: Talaga! Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan pare?<br />PILO: Dun sa burol niya!!<br /><br />-----------------<br />FLIGHT STEWARDEES<br />"You are now boarding flight 911- ilang <br />sandali po lamang at tayo ay lalapag na sa <br />bundok na walang paliparan. In this case <br />of Emergency, Please don't panic Ladies and <br />Gentlemen, Parachutes will be provided on the <br />crash-site and breakfast will be served to all <br />survivors! Maraming salamat po!<br />Sa Ngalan ng Phil. Air Lines, ng Ama, ng Anak,<br />at ng Espirito Santo...AMEN!<br />HAPPY CRASH LANDING TO ONE AND ALL!!!" <br /> <br />-----------------<br /><br />WALDO: Lab, enjoy talaga ako pag ganitong nagse-sex tayo?<br />WIFE: Aray, Anselmo!<br />WALDO: Sinong Anselmo? sinasabi ko na nga ba't meron kang ibang lalaki eh!! TAKSIL!!<br />WIFE: Ugok! ang Cel mo, naiwan mo sa kama kaya nadadaganan ng likod ko-- masakit!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />ANAK: Inay, si ate hinahalikan ng boyfriend niya!<br />INA: Okey lang yan anak!<br />ANAK: Inay, ang suso ni ate hinahawakan ng BF niya!<br />INA: Okey lang yan anak!<br />ANAK: Inay, si ate pini-finger ng BF niya!<br />INA: Punyeta! diyan ako galit ! may titi naman<br /> bakit di gamitin eh!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes Email from Jhun de Leon<br />Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-2936864926163930697?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/22J0eaF6Eo8/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)3http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/07/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-5655803094225393139Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:47:00 +00002008-06-30T17:47:01.296+08:00WIFE: Aha! bakit may lipstik ka? niloloko mo ko ano?<br />MAN: Ha, ah eh kasi dear......<br />WIFE: At ito, ano to? make-up ito ah!!!<br />MAN: Ha, ah eh dear kasi.....<br />WIFE: Hindi ba napag-usapan na natin na magmula ngayon,<br /> eh magpapaka-lalaki ka na?<br /> <br />-----------------<br /><br />ANAK: Inay, puwede na po ba akong mag-lipstik?<br />INA: Hindi puwede!<br />ANAK: Eh magsuot ng bra, puwede na po ba inay?<br />INA: Hindi sabi puwede!<br />ANAK: Bakit hindi puwede eh disi-otso na idad ko?<br />INA: 'Oy boyet, pag di ka tumigil dyan,<br /> pitpitin ko yang titi mo!!<br /> <br />-----------------<br /><br />PARE-1: Pare, napansin ko na ang buong pamilya nyo,<br /> eh walang tigil ang pagkanta habang nasa<br /> loob ng banyo. Siguro singer kayo lahat ano?<br />PARE-2: Hindi naman pare, kaya lang eh talagang kailangang kumanta kami ng malakas <br /> pag nasa loob ng banyo.<br />PARE-1: Ha! eh bakit pare ganon?<br />PARE-2: Kasi sira ang lock ng banyo namin eh!! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />ESPIRITISTA: Di ba ang hiling mo eh kulamin ko ang<br /> misis mo para maging baboy sa sex?<br /> O, epektib ba?<br />GUY: OK sana, kaso naging 12 ang dede niya!<br /> Nakakapagod!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Someone asked me kung ilan taon ka na! Well,<br /> sabi ko....<br /> kung sa porma..... 19<br /> sa balat ......... 18<br /> sa ngiti ......... 17<br /> sa kinis ng mukha..16<br /><br /> bale 70 lahat!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Narinig ko ang pagkanta mo kagabi...<br />Maganda ang boses mo....<br />magtiwala ka sa sarili mo....<br />May talent ka at kaya mo yan!!!<br />GIVE IT ALL!! GO ON !!<br />Huwag mong itago ang bigay ni LORD!!<br />Sige! Isigaw Mo!!!!<br /><br />Tahooooo!!!!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />What is the difference between OPINION and CONCLUSION?<br />Nabuksan ko yung pintuan kasi "OPEN-YUN"<br />Hindi ko mabubuksan yun "KUNG-CLOSE-YUN"<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Use "bampira" in a sentence...<br />Pare, pautang nga! meron ka bampira?<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />DOKTOR: Kiko, Salamat sa ginawa mong pagsagip duon sa isang pasyenteng nahulog sa balon kaninang umaga. At dahil sa kabayanihan mong iyon, naniniwala na ako na ikaway magaling na, kaya puwede na kitang pauwiin at palabasin dito sa Mental Hospital.<br />KIKO: Tutuo doktor? Naku, maraming salamat po!<br />DOKTOR: Kaya lang, namatay din kanina lang yun pasyente! Kasi nagbigti siya eh!<br />KIKO: Hindi po siya nagbigti dok! Isinampay ko po siya.....para matuyo!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />JORGE: Pare, alam mo ba na ang pinaka-mahabang buhoksa katawan ng tao ay yung buhok natin sa puwet?<br />BANJO: Bakit mo naman nasabi yan, pare?<br />JORGE: Kasi, yung buhok natin sa puwet ay abot sa pilik-mata natin! di mo ba alam yun?<br />BANJO: Kalokohan! paano mo mapapatunayan yun?<br />JORGE: Madali lang! Subukan mong bumunot ng buhok sa puwet mo, Tiyak na mapapapikit ka! <br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes Email from Jhun de Leon<br />Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-5655803094225393139?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/JzXA1YB_-80/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_30.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)0http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/06/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_30.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-1792612141170584058Mon, 09 Jun 2008 12:00:00 +00002008-06-09T20:00:01.314+08:00BEAUTY PAGEANT<br /><br />judge: wt if u fnd out ur boyfrnd haS AIDS,wt wL u d0?<br /><br />contestnt: i'd stL luv him (EVRYBODY CLAPS.)<br /><br />..bc0z AIDS dsnt maTer!Ü<br /><br />---------<br /><br /><br />bkt nakkmatay ang butter?ü<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />bcoz..,<br />itz "ment..tikil..ya"<br /><br />tentenenen :-D<br />funny n0h!ü<br /><br />------------------<br /><br />Kinds of Txters"<br /><br />1.VAMPIRE: 8pm onwrds mgttxt hnggng mk2log k n.<br /><br />2.ONEWAY: puro 4wrd ng kowts, pg tnxt m, la n reply.<br /><br />3.KOWTSERO/A: hinge kowts linya nya.<br /><br />4.USI: Lgi ñ tnong 'nu gwa u?or wt gwa u?' prng na2y!<br /><br />5.PACUTE: Uses po/h & opo.<br /><br />6.D INVICBLE: Dal2 s txt pro s prsonal d m mkausap.<br /><br />7.PARASITE: Mgttxt lng pg me klangn.<br /><br />8.VIP: Ubod ng tgal mgreply.<br /><br />9.DEDMA: S dmi ng tnxt m "ah ok" lng ang reply.<br /><br /><br />TMAAN WAG MGALIT.,<br />ü<br /><br />----------------<br /><br />Sa school..<br /><br />Mariel:<br />Friendship! Bkt parang ang puti ng mukha mu ngaun?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />FRESELDA:<br />halleeer!<br />FOUNDATION DAY kaya ngayon!ü<br /><br />:-(<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Promoter: Misis,kpg pnaghalo ang Surf at Tide, bubula kya?<br /><br />Misis: Aba syempre!<br /><br /><br />Promoter: Mali!<br /><br /><br /><br />Misis: Bkit nmn?<br /><br /><br /><br />Promoter: Wla png tubig!<br /><br /><br /><br />Excited?!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Baby 1: (burp!)<br />Baby 2: daling! Lakat ng berp! <br />Baby 1: towee..<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Baby 2: Pagerber ka naman.. Gerber gerber! gerber! gerber!<br />*cute!ö hahah<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />kanina nagpaload aq..<br />sbi q "pwd mgpaLoad?"<br />biglang sumigaw ung tindera..<br />"c <name> naka smart buddy naaaaaaaaaa!"<br /><br /><br />-sabe q,<br />"ate globe po ako, relax!" <br />Heheü<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />After sex w/a college girl...<br />Mayor: how much?<br />Girl: 200<br />Mayor: ha? Mabubuhay ka sa 200?<br />Girl: sideline lng yan mayor, blackmail talaga negosyo ko..ü<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />bigas, tubig,<br />gas, karne,<br />gulay, kryente,<br />tnapay, noodles,<br />srdnas, tuiti0nfEe<br /><br />lht ngmmhlan na...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />tyo nlng hnd..ö<br /><br />yan ang bAnat!<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />Kung <br />bbgyan<br />ka ng<br />pgkakataon<br />na mging<br />"artista"<br />ano ka?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SiNUSWERTE??<br />--hahaha. Gud pm.:-)<br /><br />------------------<br /><br />A nestea<br /><br />is the best policy. Uuuy...Babasahin niya ulit! :-)<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br /><br />PULIS: cno nkkita sa aksidente?<br />VENDOR: ako sir, ako!<br />P: buti nman may witnes.<br />kita mo ba plate#?<br />V: oho!<br />ngsisimula ho sa 4!<br />P: ano ksunod?<br /><br />V: Registration.ö<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />For those who have 135 IQ... If Joey's father is John, then John is the ____ of Joey's father. What is the missing word? Logic lang yan. No answer, low IQ..<br />kaya dapat may reply ka!;p<br /><br />-------------------<br />Pinoy Jokes SMS Text Messages from +63915569****,+63927660****,+63915884****,+63915673****, +63927325****,+63915569****,<br />+63922397****,<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-1792612141170584058?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/oKkNTPXeSPg/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_09.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)6http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/06/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_09.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-164258092202671362Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:31:00 +00002008-06-02T22:31:00.757+08:00NANAY: anak iGisa m yung sardinas pRa may ulam tyo<br />ANAK: Opo. Kakaliskisan ko pa po ba ang isda?<br />NANAY: ay tanga!, ....<br />NatUral pRa masarap!<br /><br />--------------<br /><br />everyone has a dream..<br /><br />mine is to wake up to the sound of small rocks being thrown at my bedroom window, and see the person i love standing in the rain asking me for eternal love..<br /><br />joke lng..<br /><br />ang dream ko lng talaga ay magkapera..<br />maraming maraming pera un tip0ng pinapanggatong sa sinaing..<br /><br />nyaHahaha :p<br /><br />------------------<br /><br />"Wala Lang"<br /><br /><br /><br />pass this to 18 people and nothing will happen.<br /><br />Totoo! This is very effective.. i just tried it.. Wala talagang nangyari.. Promise! Cnend q 2 try if true.<br /><br />------------------<br /><br />Gf:san tau?<br />Bf:punta tau dun s mdilim<br />Gf: ha?<br />Bf:trust me<br />Gf:ok<br />Pag-ab0t dilim.<br />Gf:bat nghubad k?<br />Bf:relax k lng<br />Gf:mghuhubAd dn b aq?<br />Bf:ha?<br /><br />Tatae k dn b?<br /><br />----------------<br /><br />Inspiring quote for me:<br />"Hindi ako tamad"....<br /><br />"hindi ko lang alam kung saan ko ibubuhos ang kasipagan ko.."<br />^-^<br /><br />----------------<br /><br /><br />D0C: Wat hapend 2 ur vagina? Ang LAKI!<br /><br /><br />GIRL: I was raped by an elephant!<br /><br /><br />D0C: But elephants have small dicks! <br /><br />GIRL: Amputang yun! Fininger muna ako eh!<br /><br />----------------<br /><br />Katutubo1: mag-iingat ka syong bbaybayin na daan dhil ito'y mpanganib.. Kunin mo itng gmot sa kgat ng ahas bka sakaling ika'y mkagat.. Kunin mo tong sang bote ng hamog dhil ito'y nkkatnggal ng uhaw at gutom.. Dalhin mo ang balaraw na ito ng ating mga ninuno upang mprotektahan k laban sa mga mbbangis na hayop.. Nta2ndaan mo pb ang daan anak q? <br />Katutubo2: opo, bsta txt2 nlng if ever! <br />Katutubo1: ok bsta miscol mo me pg fil mo na lost ka.. tc! :p<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />HUSBAND: <br />Tel <br />me <br />d <br />truth.<br />How <br />many <br />men <br />hav <br />u <br />slept <br />wid?<br /><br />WIFE: <br />I <br />swear! <br />I <br />only <br />slept<br />wid <br />u! <br />D <br />rest <br />of <br />d <br />bastards <br />did <br />not <br />let <br />me <br />sIeep!<br /><br />-----------------<br /> <br />Pinoy Jokes SMS Text Messages from 0915673****,0915801****,0916625****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-164258092202671362?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/10tdCUf44Nw/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)0http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/06/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-1869663493591171945Mon, 26 May 2008 09:26:00 +00002008-05-26T17:26:01.078+08:00don't make the same mistake twice..<br /><br /><br /><br />madami pang kasalanan jan, try mo ung iba.<br /><br />---------<br /><br /><br />Ur temporary absence frm my immdiate vicnity seems 2 affct a slght dpression of sorts w/in this realms day 2 day existence..<br /><br /><br /><br />in short...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />'i mis u': the nsebleed edtion..<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />B1:pre,nhoLdp aq muntk p q mmtay! <br />B2:bkt,d kb humngi ng 2Long? <br />B1:ngtxt aq s puLis stati0n! <br />B2:bkt,anng rpLy? B1:haynku, e2 rpLy! "hu u?"Wr did u get my no.?!<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />After inspection:<br /><br /><br />"miss,wg k munang umalis..<br /><br /><br />check q ulit gmit m..<br /><br /><br />nsma ata ang puso q e.."<br /><br /><br />-WHATEVER, manong guard.<br /><br />--------------------<br /><br />Scenes kpag mgkaaway ang isang couple:<br /><br />-mgttxt ng kunwre wrng snd<br />(pra icheck kng mgrrply c bf/gf)<br /><br />-mgttxt ng kunware gm<br />(ppancn?)<br /><br />-mgssend ng sandamakmak na swit/sad quotes<br />(pnadma daw)<br /><br />-ssbhn sa tropa, "bhala sya, mgtxt sya kng gus2 nya, d ko ppancnin"<br />(pro panay ang abang sa cp kng my txt)<br /><br />-bukang bbig nya, "di wag sya mgtxt! So?"<br />(pro ittxt c bf/gf ng, "ano, wla ka ng pakealam?)<br /><br />-bu2rahin ang # ni bf/gf<br />(pro saulo nman ang #)<br /><br />^^ARAY!XD<br /><br />---------------------<br /><br /><br />D truth bhnd d<br />s0ng ETERNAL<br />FLAME & hu rily<br />sang it..<br /><br />BULAG:cl0se ur<br />eyes,<br />PILAY:gve me ur<br />hand drlng,<br />BINGI:do u hir my<br />heart beating?<br />BOBO: d0 u<br />undErStnd?<br />MANHID: d0 u fiL<br />d same?<br />DUKHA: am i only<br />dreaming?<br />BUMBERO: is dis<br />burning? an<br />eternal flame!<br />PIPI: say my<br />name,<br />BALIW: sunshine<br />through the rain,<br />KAWAWA: my<br />whole life, so<br />lonely..<br />DOKTOR:dey'L<br />cum nd ease d<br />pain.<br />MADAMOT:i dnt<br />wna lose ds<br />feelng..<br />WOLF:Oooohh(^^.')<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />1 pr0bnxn0 ngrent<br />ng rum s htel:<br /><br />pr0b:Lm q pr0bnxn0 Lng aq kya wg mu q Loqhin!bt gn2 rum q?maliit wLng kma<br />at bntna!mhL mhL ng bnayad q,tpos gn2 lng?<br /><br />roomboy:sir nsa elvtor plng tau,wg k xcited.<br /><br />------------------<br /><br />1 cigAret<br />rEdUcEs Lyf<br />by 5 mins.<br /><br />bt SEX<br />incrEasEs Lyf<br />by 10 mins.<br /><br />So d bAsic sEnsE<br />Of dz st8mnt is,<br /><br /><br />Kht mLkas mnigariLyo<br />bsta mLib0g<br />mtgL m2tAy!<br /><br />-----------------<br /><br />Can u pronounce <br />gud<br />englsh?<br />read<br />d <br />ff<br />aloud:<br /><br />wolf<br />woof<br />warp<br /><br />roof <br />ruff <br />raft<br /><br />work <br />wart<br />worth<br />wharf<br /><br />test result:<br /><br /><br />gud dog!<br /><br />stop barking n!<br /><br />---------------<br /><br /><br />evolution ng bagong mcdo comerciaL:<br />'miss ang sexy mo ah, <br /><br /><br />pa gerger ka naman..! gerger gerger gerger!<br />0_o<br />haha...<br /><br />---------------<br /><br />Pinoy Jokes SMS Text Messages from 0917490****,0915569****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-1869663493591171945?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/S1oTyZXmXhw/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_26.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)0http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/05/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_26.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-8116445337023892067Fri, 23 May 2008 08:27:00 +00002008-05-23T16:47:47.551+08:00Pedro: Niloko ko yung tindera kanina.. hahahaha<br />Juan: paano mo nmn niloko yung tindera??<br />Pedro: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong cellphone!!!<br /><br />------------<br /><br />Teacher: Why are you late??<br />Jr: mam, ther was a man who lost his P500 bill<br />Teacher: good!!! you helped him look for it right??<br />Jr:No Mam!!! tinapakan ko po kasi hanggang sa umalis siya!!!<br /><br />------------<br /><br />Man told lady after he raped her...<br />'in nine months you will have a child, call him Hercules!!!'<br /><br />The lady replied,<br />'in nine days youll have rashes on your penis, call it herpes!!!'<br /><br />------------<br /><br />Mga tanong na kailangan ng malalim na pag-iisip<br /><br />1. Ang lamok ba pag natutulog nilalamok din??<br />2. Puwede bang uminum ng coke kapag coffee break???<br />3. ang uod ba pag namatay inuuod din???<br />4. bakit ang blackboard kulay green??<br />5. ang lason ba pag naexpired nakakalason pa din??<br />6. nanganganak ba ang mga bakla?? kung hindi.. bakit sila dumadami??<br />7. pwede bang magdinner ang may dalang lunchbox???<br />8. pag sinabi bang 6 feet anim ang paa mo??<br /><br />------------<br /><br />Kapag bored ka na at walang magawa<br />magbukas ka ng ziper<br />ilagay mo ang kamay sa loob at ilabas mo<br /><br />ang libro galing sa bag mo at magbasa ka!!!<br /><br />kala mo ha!!!<br /><br />------------<br /><br />Kapag nakita mo ako na marumi...<br />warat warat ang damit....<br />walang tsinelas at nasa gitna ng kalye...<br /><br />please wag kang lalapit....<br /><br />May shooting ako.. bawal ang fans!!!<br /><br />------------<br /><br />Wag kang mahihiya kung lumuluha ang mga mata mo!!!<br /><br />at lalo namang wag mong pipigilan ang luha mo<br /><br />dahil baka lumabas yan sa ilong!!!<br /><br />Yucky yun di ba??<br /><br />------------<br /><br />Dad:(Holding 2 toys letting his son choose) si barbie or superman??<br />Son: superman dad!!!<br />Dad: good!!(he then left)<br />Son:Guwapo mo superman!!! nakaumbok pa!! uuuuhhhhmmm!!!<br /><br />------------<br /><br />a guy was setting up his new email account while his girlfriend sat beside him<br />feeling all macho, he put in "penis" as his password.<br />his girlfriend fell off her chair laughing when the error message registered as:<br />"Password not long enough"<br /><br />------------<br /><br />Makabagong kasabihan:<br /><br />"aanhim mo ang taong maganda"<br /><br />"kung siya'y pumapangit pag katabi ko na!!!"<br /><br />------------<br /><br />Bunso: Inay, tingnan nyo po drawing ko oh<br />Inay: wow!! ang galing namang magdrawing ng monkey ng bunso ko<br />Bunso: Inay, kayo po yan!!!<br /><br />------------<br /><br />ma, si ate niyakap ng nobyo niya!!!<br />ok lang naman yan!!<br /><br />ki-niss ma!!!<br />ok lang naman yan!!<br /><br />dinukot dede niya!!!<br />ok lang rin yan!!!<br /><br />naku fininger!!!<br />punyeta!!! may titi ba't hindi gamitin!!!<br /><br />-------------<br />Pinoy SMS Text Jokes from 0915801****, 0927660****, 0927325****, 0917856****,0915298****,0915673****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-8116445337023892067?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/Y2VF7nwe_3g/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_23.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)1http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/05/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_23.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-8377306652381070225Mon, 12 May 2008 12:25:00 +00002008-05-12T20:25:39.813+08:00The Rubber Poem:<br />Kissing is a habit, <br />Fucking is a game.<br />Guys get the pleasure<br />girls get the pain<br />The guy says i love you<br />and you believe its true<br />but when tummy starts to swell<br />he just says: who the hell are you??<br />1 hour of pleasure, 9 months in pain<br />2 days in the hospital and a baby without a name<br />the baby is a bastard and the mother is a whore<br />This would't happen if the rupper was put on!!!<br />Bow!!! Play safe... Spread this message<br />Not the sperm!!!<br /><br />------------------<br />10 craziest things na ginagawa pag nalalasing<br />1. cries without reason<br />2. nagbibigay ng advice sa kapwa lasing<br />3. sings ng pasintunado<br />4. cols with text ang ex para makapagusap ng walang sense<br />5. naiinlove na lang ng bigla<br />6. ginagawang unan ang toilet bowl<br />7. nagiging galante<br />8. ikukuwento ang buhay ng buong angkan<br />9. nagiging english speaking kahit wrong grammar<br />10. panay ang sabi ng "hindi na ako iinum!!!" habang nagsusuka<br />pero siyempre salitang lasing lang yun coz after the hangover<br />sarap magcheers for the good times...<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />Kumatok ang isang ahente sa bahay. pagbukas ni misis ng pinto, agad pumasok ang ahente<br />at ikinalat sa sahig ang ebak ng kabayo. sabi ng ahente: Mam, pag hindi nalinis ng <br />Vacuum cleaner ko ang kalat... kakainin ko ang mga yan!!!<br />Misis: ay putang ina ka!!! umpisahan mo na pagkain niyan at BROWNOUT kami ngayon<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />Feet: ako na yata ang pinakapagod lakad ng lakad kung saan ako dalhin ng amo ko<br />Butt: sa akin ang pinakamahirap araw araw toilet bowl ang kaharap ko.<br />Brain: pinakamahirap na ata ang sa kin kahit tulog boss ko tratrabaho pa din ako<br />Penis: puro easy pala ang trabaho nyo.. ako gabi-gabi pinakakagat at sinisipsip<br />tapos pinagagalit at pinapapasok sa pinakamadilim na kweba..<br />tapos iuuntog ng iuuntog hanggang sa mahilo ako at magsuka ng magsuka!!!<br /><br />--------------------<br /><br />Atty: asan ka ng mangyari ang rape???<br />Witness: sa maisan<br />Atty: anong ginagawa mo dun??<br />Witness: tumatae Po<br />Atty: ilang hakbang ka mula sa krimen??<br />Witness: Aba ewan!!! may tumatae bang pahakbang hakbang??<br /><br />--------------------<br /><br />masakit ba ulo mo???<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />wala yan sa sakit ng ulo ng magulang mo sa u!!!!<br /><br />--------------------<br /><br />Patient: doc, worried ako kasi sobrang libog ako...<br />Doc: gusto mo gamot pampaalis ng libog??<br />Patient: hindi gusto ko ng gamot pampaalis ng worry!!!<br /><br />--------------------<br /><br />When i was a kid, my teacher asked what do i wanted to be when i grow up??<br />I told her i wanted to be happy<br />She scolded me and told me that i do not understand the question<br />I told her<br />"Bein happy is beyond every noble profession that the world ever has"<br />Ayun dumugo ilong niya!!! grade school pa lang ako nun ah!!<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />macho: sabi ng barbero ko pag naglagay ka raw ng langis sa dibdib hahaba buhok mo dun...<br />Bading: gaga!!! kung totoo yun eh d sana may ponytail na ako sa puwet!!!<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />May tinanong ako:<br /><br />SAbi ko<br />"tama bang isuko ko ang taong mahal ko,<br />dahil nalaman ko na hindi na niya ako mahal"<br /><br />Sabi niya<br />" thats the best thing to do to save your pride<br />but thats the most stupid thing if you want to save your life"<br /><br />SAbi ko namn<br />Yes english!!! pacheese burger ka naman!!!<br />Burger!!! Burger!!!<br /><br />------------------<br /><br />Pinoy Txt Message from 0927845****,0915819****, 0915673****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-8377306652381070225?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/_MIl_OfGxZQ/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)1http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/05/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37209679.post-3084261808150895583Fri, 25 Apr 2008 12:57:00 +00002008-04-25T21:22:19.144+08:00though peace<br /><br />though peace is very important in our lives<br /><br />cause without thought peace<br /><br />paano tayo makakapag thought brass!!!<br /><br />------------------<br /><br />Magsyota naglalakad sa park<br />GF: hon, naiihi ako<br />BF: ok.. dyan ka na lang sa damuhan...(habang umiihi kinapa kapa ni bf ang legs ni gf ng may nahawakan siyang mahaba sa gitna ng legs)<br />BF: Pucha!!! nagpalit ka ba ng kasarian??<br />GF: Ulol!! nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon... dudumi na lang ako!!!<br /><br />------------------<br /><br />Luv U!!!<br /><br />pag mahal mo siya.. sabihan mo kahit alam mong walang kapalit yun.<br />Ang mahalaga nalaman niya...<br />at kung magalit siya.. sabihin mo:<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />NAGKAMALI LANG NG SEND.. PAKYU!!!!<br /><br />Taenang ito!!! yabang!!!!<br /><br />------------------------<br /><br />A riddle that will kill your brain<br /><br />there are only 3 words in the english language that ends in "gry"<br />1 is ANGRY and the other is HUNGRY<br />Everyone knows what the 3rd one means and what it stands for<br />Everyone uses then everyday and if you listen to me carefully, i've given you the third word already.. what is it??_ _ _ gry!!! No reply no IQ<br /><br />-----------------------<br /><br />a man killed a DEER. Cooked it but didnt tell his kids what it was.. He gave a clue "ganyan ang twag sa kin ng mama nyo"<br /><br />the girl cries out "wag nyo kainin!! DEMONYO yan!!!"<br /><br />-----------------------<br /><br />keep your optimism...<br /><br /><br />after all....<br /><br /><br />no one has ever damaged his eyesight by looking at the brighter side of life...<br /><br />-----------------------<br /><br />words to live by ng mga tamad:<br /><br />"whenever i feel like cleaning my room...<br /><br />i lie down until the feelin is gone"<br /><br />-----------------------<br /><br />Pare 1: noong buntis ang misis ko.. paborito nya ang Lord of the Rings 2 Towers.. ayun.. kambal anak namin...<br />Pare 2: ang misis ko.. paborito nya yung The 3 Musketeers.. ayun.. triplets anak namin..<br />Biglang nanghina yung isang kumpare nila...<br />Pare 1 at 2: Bakit?? ano bang paborito ng misis mo??<br /><br />Pare 3: 300!!!<br /><br />----------------------<br /><br />@ a bar...<br />Girl: whoever can use the words LIVER and CHEESE with style will be my date tonight..<br />Piolo: steak that liver and melt that cheese on me...<br />Sam: i hate liver but i love cheese as i love u...<br />Pacman: Hey!!!! you two!! liver alone!! cheese mine!!!<br /><br />dale ni pacman!!!<br /><br />----------------------<br /><br />Girl language<br />if i dont call you (its because im waiting for you to call me)<br />when i walk away from you mad ( follow me)<br />when i stare at your mouth(kiss me)<br />when i push or hit you(grab me and dont let go)<br />when im quiet(ask me whats wrong!!)<br />when i ignore you(give me your attention)<br />when i pull away(pull me back)<br />when you see me at my worst(tell me im beautiful)<br />when you see me start crying(hold me and tell me everything will be alright)<br />in short:<br />(kung walang babae.. walang maarte)...<br />hahahaha<br /><br />---------------------<br /><br />Funny SMS Text Message from 0905333****, 0927233****, 0915673****, 0915298****<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/37209679-3084261808150895583?l=pinoyjoke.blogspot.com'/></div>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pinoyjoke/~3/hK9vVWZOnXI/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_25.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (penoi)6http://pinoyjoke.blogspot.com/2008/04/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages_25.html