It’s a stressful time for many women.  Our culture puts much emphasis on the notion that you are only truly loved if you are recognized, affirmed and gifted with traditional tokens of romantic love on Valentine’s Day that the media works very hard to sell to us.  You know what I am talking about:  Valentines addressed “To the One I Love” complete with at least a dozen red roses (two dozen is now considered “standard”), heart shaped boxes of chocolates, scented candles, lingerie, perfume, candlelit dinners, gems or pearls, and romantic romps amidst satin sheets in luxury hotels.

I know you ~ you're an original

And then there are the matching red sateen his-and-hers pajama sets.  Sexy games  complete with feathers and risque dice.  Heart-shaped lockets.  Diamond rings.  Cute teddy bears holding watches and earrings, pink phones, pink ipods, and weekend getaways to Vegas.  The list is long and wide.

Hmmm.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think all of these gifts are WONDERFUL and I would love to receive at least a few.  But, as hard as the media might try to convince us that these are the gifts that should be purchased for us, and that these are the gifts we want, and despite the subtle and not-so-subtle hints women will offer up, or even the boldest of “What I Want for Valentine’s Day” lists placed on a kitchen counter, the reality is — for millions of reasons — MILLIONS and MILLIONS of women will not receive any recognition at all on this holiday designated for Love…

When I first launched the Pinwheel Girls, I sent a specially designed Pinwheel Girl Valentine to 100 women.  The message was simple:  “…I know you…you’re an original…”  The card featured a joyously dancing Pinwheel Girl holding a heart out to the reader in the palm of her hand.  The point, I hope, was clear.  “Here it is,” she was saying.  “I’m giving you your heart back in case you lost it, forgot about it, gave it away, or had it broken.”

The feedback was astonishing.  Since when do you get thank you cards, notes and emails for sending someone a card?  I did.  I heard from MANY of the 100 women who said “Your Pinwheel Girl Valentine was the only Valentine I received this year…THANK YOU.”

“Here it is…I’m handing it back to you.”

love is in the air ~ feel the breeze

But understanding that the Pinwheel Girl is really a metaphor for YOU, for Every Woman, she was really saying “you have always had your own Heart in your own hands…it’s always been there…and you will always be the keeper of your own Heart…not someone else…so what you thought was once lost or might have been unrecognized is really still available to you…and here it is…”

In case you forgot that, I’m posting her here again. She hanging out again on this Big Holiday of Love to remind you that you still have your Heart, it is there for you for your own taking, and the key to a great and not-so-empty Valentine’s Day is to recognize your very own Heart yourself.

Over the next few years  I made a few more Pinwheel Girl Valentines. They are all about self-love; this is the best kind of love of all…not a selfish, self-centered kind of self-love, but a self-love that is about self-care, self-esteem, self-respect, and self-preservation.  The Valentines bear a simple message, one that reminds us that without self-love we cannot truly love another, and therefore gifts of flowers, chocolates, cards, lingerie, and the like, eventually feel empty and simply “not enough.”

One image features the Pinwheel Girl holding not one but seven bright red hearts and tossing them into the air (the wind) above her head…seven hearts for seven stages of transformation.  The image has an energy that is simple, calm yet exhilarating.  The theme is “…Love is in the air…feel the breeze…”

She reminds us that Love is literally everywhere and it comes to us in many forms.

love lives inside your heart and is always available

There is more to Love than just the romantic version stereotypically celebrated on Valentine’s Day.  Love is in the air, in the wind that animates us and makes us who we are, it is everywhere, all around us, every day, but we must look for it, seek it out, and feel its breeze touching us, often at unexpected times from unexpected sources.  If we do so, we will feel love and loved — whether or not we receive red roses, exquisite wine, candlelit dinners, or any of the other traditional Valentine’s gifts.

I know you

You’re an original

Love is in the air

Feel the breeze

Happy Valentine’s Day

you will heal and mend

There is a lot of talk about “being happy” and “not being negative.” I understand the goals and the power of positive thinking and a good attitude. I understand the necessity for resiliency. But I am not a fan of “happy talk” and denial about what life’s struggles offer us spiritually and psychologically.

It’s important to remember, especially when one is feeling low and despairing, that negative events will recur over and over again in our lives. Suffering is a normal part of life. I’m not saying we should wallow and welcome suffering with open arms. I am also not saying we should deliberately cause suffering to ourselves or to others so that lessons can be learned. But when suffering does enter our lives I think it’s important to remember that it can be a source of contemplation and reflection that ultimately helps us grow and what eventually leads to our empowerment.

We don’t ever wish for sufferig to come into our lives through hardship and tough times, but when it does, it is ripe with opportunity for new beginnings, new ways, new ideas, and new birth. Denying this by covering it over with false “happy talk” eliminates the learning.

Do the deep work that suffering requires. It will come again and again. With each recurrence, you will be ready for the new transformation suffering can offer.

The best way out is through.

when the Truth reveals itself, you'll know

Sometimes the Truth is just handed to you

Sometimes the Truth comes from an unknown place

Somestimes the Truth is just not yours

Sometimes the Truth is just there

In your Heart

Listen

Have you heard your Truth yet?

listen to the wind ~ a metaphor for your inner voice ~ lifegiver

Power is always possible.

Keep moving til you get there.

Today's Simple Pleasure: Winter's Textures

“Take time for gratitude. This is the gift — to have the wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic good of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder, even ecstasy.” ~ Abraham Maslow

What is your SIMPLE PLEASURE today?

even when you stop I can still hear you

I have heard every word

You’ve ever uttered

And those unsaid

Tell me more…

Let your inner voice keep talking.

Keep listening.

learning is a lifelong process

Be patient with your transformation.

Dig into your big, big heart. It’s all there.

you already know what you need to know

Start excavating.

It wasn’t until a few years ago that a conversation with a new friend helped me to see the benefits of the Earth’s darkness and of going within. She showed me how this time of year could become a time of renewal.

Pinwheel Girl Solstice Candlescape 2011

In repsonse I created new traditions for spending my time around these short, short days. I began to keep things simple. I started eliminating extra tasks and activities. Instead I began spending more time in reflection, meditation, journaling, and rest.

Now, because of that new way of thinking and seeing, I look forward to Solstice, the shortest day of the year, as an opportunity to light candles, reflect on what I have come to know and learn over the past year, and begin an invigorating renewal process that lasts through New Year’s Eve.

This year I turned 50 years old and I was quite excited. I decided to celebrate with my son, a few friends, and family members in Puerto Vallarta with a special dinner party on the beach in Banderas Bay. It was a beautiful evening of good food and drinks, merriment, toasting, good conversation, sharing and creating memories, making new friends, strengthening bonds, and, of course, plenty of candlelight.

Solstice ignites love and light ~ from within

My motto has always been to live with open eyes, an open heart, and open arms. It has served me well and allowed me to remain agreeable and curious about new experiences and opportunities as well as resilient and strong enough to weather the disappointments and tragedies.

I was so happy the day of my birthday celebration and I will never forget that night. A multitude of candles lit our beachside table just as they now light my Solstice evening table. And a multitude of stars lit up the dark sky of the hot Mexican night just as they now do here in Chicago’s black mid-December evenings. It occurred to me that despite any of life’s disappointments I had fared and survived over the last 50 years, living with open eyes, an open heart and with open arms is the way I will continue to live for the next 50 years.

I firmly believe that this is the best way to a fully lived life — an open heart causes you to open your eyes. Open eyes cause you to open your arms. Open arms allow you to be able to both give and receive.

As I saw the candlelight flickering on everyone’s faces surrounding me at the dinner party, dozens of other faces flashed in front of me also — my parents, the faces of so many other family members, cherished friends and colleagues, and of course people who have been in my heart so deep and for so long they are there now forever and ever. And so through tearful eyes filled with happiness and gratitude, I toasted my birthday guests with this idea of openness.

Light can do that to you. It has a way of making things stand out so clearly.

As I sit here now surrounded by my Solstice candles, I can still see the candles from my birthday party dinner table. Light is a powerful source of energy for healing, reflection, memory, hope, prayer, thankfulness, relationship, and so many of the other truly good things in life.

A long time ago, when I was a very young woman, a young girl really, I used to think that it was the other person who was the source of light in a relationship. Over the years and many relationships of many different kinds later I’ve come to know for sure that I am also a source of Light in a relastionship. We reflect it off of each other. It bounces back and forth between us. It can be truly awesome and of the rarest kind of reflection — illuminating, ecstatic and radiant. It can also be frenetic, energetic, kinetic and a little daunting. Sometimes dim, low and calming, settling, and easy. Light takes many forms between people relating to one another.

I know you...You're an original ~ Stay focused on your Light

I realized that it took me a very long time to give myself credit for the Light I brought to a relationship. That’s what Solstice can do for you.

It can help you learn how to focus on your own Light and rejoice in that.

I have found that some people cannot handle my special brand of Light. I have also learned to just forgive them for that. It’s easier on everyone that way. Including me. I prefer to be happy and forgiveness helps me be happy.

The Light of the Solstice candles give me so much comfort and peace. I know that Solstice is about how the Light of the sun is coming to the earth in more and more quanitites as the days get longer and longer from this day forward. So I like to think about how this is the same for me too.

More and more Light is coming.

The Solstice candles also help me think about how sometimes I have felt alone and in darkness, despairing and grieving for certain things I couldn’t identify. And I also knew that I was grieving for relationships that ended — and rightly so — but still the endings felt so horrible. I thought about how so many could not take the leap and preferred instead to give in to fear and to keep the surprise of their emotions under wraps. I thought about how so many seemed to truly want a connection but just didn’t know what to do to break through some mysterious confinement.

The Solstice candles remind me that darkness is just the other side of Light. It’s not that bad though it seems so at the time.

Darkness serves many purposes — one of which is to make the Light shine brighter.

One thing I know for sure is this…that when you leap, it’s not that bad, there’s usually a net waiting for you. Most people are so afraid to leap. That’s where the open heart comes in handy.

Solstice encourages you to go within and embrace what is calling you

I say a prayer for those who have left encouraging them to live with open eyes, an open heart, and open arms. I say a prayer for those who are still here me — in person and deep in my heart and spirit — and I wish for them the same thing.

I realize that my destiny is not tied to someone who leaves. Or to someone who can’t love me. It’s always connected to those who stay the course, those who do love me, those who can stand in the Light — my personal brand of Light — and not be blinded by it.

I look at the Solstice candles and think “The Light is coming.”

And then I also hear myself say “The Light is always here. It always has been. Within.”

I whisper to myself and to each of you:

“Stay focused on your Light.”

My wish for you is that you embrace every ebb and flow. That you feel the full breath of possibility. That you listen to what is calling you. ~ Kelly Rae Roberts

To learn how to make a Solstice candlescape and to read more about Solstice empowerment, click here.

You are YOU.

keep moving til you get there

Just be you.