Zimbabwe Artists Project

Writing each artists’ bio and including a photo with her art is a marvelous idea. Just knowing a bit about the artist multiplies my emotional connection with the piece, and the likelihood that I’ll support the project with my purchase.

With that said, the quality of the bios vary. Writing a more personable bio improves the chance the reader will connect with -and buy- the art.

Notice the difference between these two examples. The first bio is written in a comparatively dry style. Just the facts. The second bio mentions a few details about the artist’s life which builds a stronger emotional bridge to connection.

Write a Bio Example #1

Tendai was born near Mutare in 1968.  She finished the equivalent of Grade 10, and then did a dressmaking course before getting married in 1990 and moving to Weya.  She learned sadza painting at Weya and then took up appliqués from watching other artists.  She has two children, a daughter born in 1990 and a son born in 1994.  Her son has cerebral palsy.  Tendai’s husband works in Harare, and the family lives in Kuwadzana, a township outside the city.  Her favorite topics are about village life and her own family.

Write a Bio Example #2

Martha was born in 1958.  She went to school through Grade 7, stopping because her father wasn’t working and there was no money to continue.  She has two children.  Her husband works in Harare, 100 miles away.  He comes home every month end.
Martha began painting in 1998 “because it is easy for me,” and in order to make some money.  Her favorite subjects are village life “because I see what is happening in our village,” and ancient life.

In the first bio, the information could be posted in a bulleted list. The details give a snapshot of Tendai’s life, but we have to draw our own conclusions.

In the second bio, we get a better sense of Martha’s life. Little details like ‘why she had to leave school’, ‘how infrequently she sees her husband’, and ‘why she began painting’ all help to fill out the person behind the artwork.

The difference starts with the questions used. From her bio, I imagine that Tendai was asked mostly fact-based questions, and gave factual answers; ‘How much education do you have?’, ‘Where does your husband work?’, and ‘How many children do you have?’ Important questions, but they limit the bio’s potential to connect.

Martha may have given longer answers to the same questions. Her bio shows that better questions yield a stronger connection. ‘How much education do you? Why did you leave school?’ ‘Where does your husband work? How often do you see him?’ ‘Why did you start to paint?’ These questions yield deeper, more colorful answers.

How does this help you write a better bio?

Well, does your bio resemble the first or second example? Are you including ‘just the facts’ or are you showing a bit about yourself, too?
What questions could you answer to give your bio more color?

Free report: “5 Easy Steps to a Professional Bio that Sells.” Get your copy now.

Briefly, read through the ‘before’ and ‘after’ versions of this professional bio. Then, read the numbered notes for quick, specific insight about how I improved this bio, and how you can write a stronger professional bio of your own.

(BEFORE) Wendy Hupperich, Certified Ontological Life Coach with Accomplishment Coaching. (1) Wendy creates breakthrough results in all areas of life with individuals and groups. This is done in the very first session by confronting people on their limiting beliefs and discovering their full potential. (2) Wendy coaches people to be the designers of their lives. She has a personal commitment to a sustainable lifestyle and also supports green businesses to fulfill their commitment. Wendy is a triathlete with an extensive background in solo world travel, group dynamics and leadership. (3) 503.123.4567, Wendy.Hupperich@AccomplishmentCoaching.com

(AFTER) Wendy Hupperich wonders whether you’re living the life you want. Do you believe your dreams can become goals, and your goals, reality? (4) As a certified Life Coach with Accomplishment Coaching, Wendy will help you confront self-limiting beliefs and unlock your full potential. (5) If olympians, presidents and CEOs use advisors, mentors and teachers to succeed, don’t you deserve a coach to meet and surpass your ambitions?  Expect breakthrough results from your very first session.  Start living the life you want today; call 503.123.4567 or e-mail Wendy.Hupperich@AccomplishmentCoaching.com (6)

1. This opening sentence fails to tell the reader what she’ll gain from reading this professional bio. What’s more, I’d wager that ‘ontological’ might trip up some readers and dissuade them from continuing.
2. These two sentences are pretty good. They’re specific, giving the reader something concrete upon which to build her expectations of Wendy’s promise. Below, you’ll notice that I’ve kept some of this content.
3. This personal information is nice, but would be more appropriate at the end of a longer professional bio. With so little space, every word has to pull its weight. Unless Wendy’s target clientele are specifically triathletes or world travelers, this space could be better used.
4. Again, the opening sentence has to grab the reader’s attention immediately. Here, I use questions to reach out to the reader while implying the benefit of Wendy’s service at the same time.
5. Now that a promise has been offered to the reader, we can afford to describe Wendy’s training. Even then, notice how we expand her promise to the reader.
6. Never overlook the importance of a clear call to action. Whereas the ‘before’ version simply lists Wendy’s contact information, the ‘after’ version clearly states what the reader must do to ‘start living the life she wants’. Always conclude with a clear call to action.

Need more detail? Get your free copy of “5 Easy Steps to a Professional Bio that Sells” now.

Get your bio off your to-do list now.
Contact me today.

Just how do ‘they’ calculate the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere?

The mind boggles at all the contributing factors multiplied by the margin for human error. Although “How Bad are Bananas?” takes a stab at some well-informed answers, the author admits that his conclusions are barely more than rational guesses.

For the final two days of the Sustainable Enterprise Certificate’s first session, we received a quick tour of one process with great potential for defining answers. Systems Dynamics focuses on the underlying patterns and structures that informs everything from our bank accounts to the concentration of CO2 in the atmosphere. For now, I’ll just introduce SD with a brief example.

A simple analogy: you’re drawing a bath. You stop the drain so the water doesn’t flow out again, and you open the faucet to fill the tub. In SD lingo, the tub is known as a ‘stock’, and the water is called a ‘flow.’ The water influences the contents of the bathtub; the flow affects the volume of the stock.

Now, an absurdly simple question: When the water reaches the level you desire, do you close the faucet completely, or just reduce the water’s flow? You close the faucet, of course. Simply reducing the flow won’t prevent the stock from continuing to rise. Eventually, the water will overflow.

Seems abundantly obvious? Then let the real fun begin.

The graph below shows the number of people entering and leaving a department store over a 30-minute period.

(If you don’t think the question can be determined from the information provided, mark that as your answer.)

1. During which minute did the most people enter the store?
2. During which minute did the most people leave the store?
3. During which minute were the most people in the store?
4. During which minute were the fewest people in the store?

You’ll find the correct answers at the bottom of the post. Go take a look.

Surprised? I was.

Remember, the graph doesn’t show the number of people in the store (the stock), but the number of people ‘flowing’ in and out of the store. Until minute 14, more people are entering the store than exiting. After minute 14, that rate of flow reverses; more people are leaving than entering.

“Of course! Such a simple oversight!”

Well, not so simple after all. In his article “Risk Communication on Climate” Professor John Sterman relates how 84% of his MIT students made the same ‘simple oversight’ in a similar activity. Instead of water in a bathtub, or people in a department store, these students were given the context of greenhouse gas concentrations in our atmosphere. (You’ll find Professor Sterman’s comments on this confusion here.)

Is it any wonder that we’re having such a hard time establishing our relationship to carbon emissions, let alone curbing them? If you’re ready for a paradigm shift and want to learn more about Systems Thinking, you’ll do well to start with Donella Meadows’s “Thinking in Systems: A Primer”

My emphatic thanks to Professor Sterman for permission to reproduce the department store activity, and to Bill Harris for patiently explaining the basics of SD over two intensive days.

Exercise Answers:

1. Approximately minute 4
2. Approximately minute 21
3. Approximately minute 13
4. Approximately minute 30

Free report: “5 Easy Steps to a Professional Bio that Sells.” Get your copy now.

Take a minute to read this therapist’s professional bio ‘before’ and ‘after’ I re-wrote it. Below, you’ll find a bit of the strategy behind the improvements. Click on each number, or just scroll down for my comments.

‘Old’ Professional Bio
My specialty is working with men and boys. Men often experience depression differently than women and may have different ways of coping with the symptoms. (1) Do you suffer from fatigue, irritability, loss of interest in once pleasurable activities, have sleep disturbances? Do you, or have you, turned to alcohol or drugs when you are depressed, or become frustrated, discouraged, irritable, angry and sometimes abusive. Do you throw yourself into your work to avoid confronting your depression with family or friends, or engage in reckless, risky behavior? (2)

Generally speaking, I do a lot of work with men who grew up without fathers or who had fathers who were abusive or unavailable. These men need to heal their emotional wounds in order to be better fathers and husbands. My men’s therapy helps improve marriages and relationships with children as well. (3)

What’s unique about me is that I’ve spent 20 years involved with the Men’s Movement: Mankind Project, Unitarian Men’s Fellowship and DC Men’s Council, which empowers men to heal old wounds and find a life purpose that is designed to make a difference in the world! Empowering men’s self-esteem is my therapy focus. (4)

‘New’ Professional Bio
I help men and boys heal their wounds and transform their lives for the better. (5)

After thirty years of experience, I can say with great confidence that you are not alone in your challenges, and that you don’t have to carry your burden by yourself. With patience and persistence, my clients cultivate greater confidence and self-esteem, richer relationships with partners and children, and more emotional balance and health. (6)

Men experience emotional challenges differently than women. That’s why I’ve spent the last twenty years collaborating in the Men’s Movement with the Mankind Project, the Unitarian Men’s Fellowship, and the DC Men’s Council. In that time, I’ve helped countless men improve their lives and discard what held them back. I want to do the same for you. (7)

You deserve all the good that life has to offer, and you don’t have to achieve it alone. Contact me today for a free 30 minute phone consultation, or learn more about me on my website www.[removed for privacy].com (8)

Comments:

1. Good to identify the target audience quickly. This way, readers will pre-screen themselves. In this case, male readers may become more interested and continue reading. With that said, a descriptive opening like this may lose some readers.
2. Good: Writing ‘to’ the reader, rather than ‘about’ the subject. Bad: Focusing on the negative. This bio should offer a sense of hope, not a list of what’s wrong.
3. This paragraph continues a problematic theme with this bio: too much emphasis on the author, and not enough effort invested in addressing the reader’s core question: “What’s in it for me?” The final sentence verges on an answer, but more could be done.
4. Finally, at the very end of the bio, the reader gets a vague hint at this therapist’s promise. The problem: a substantial number of prospects will have lost interest before getting to this point.
5. Concise and precise: “This is who I help, and how I’ll help them.”
6. Just a hint about the therapist to establish credibility, and then stating more benefits to entice the reader to continue.
7. Now that the reader’s primary question (“What’s in it for me?”) has been answered, the bio can afford a brief description of background and experience. Note that there’s still a hint of promise to the reader.
8. One more benefit statement complements the compelling offer and call to action. The reader is left with a clear understanding of what to do, and why to do it.

If you believe the new bio is heavy on ‘selling’, you’re entirely correct.

There simply isn’t enough space to describe the professional’s experience, focus, philosophy, etc. That’s not this bio’s responsibility. Here, the singular goal is to attract the reader’s attention and encourage him to contact the therapist for more information. The bio is just the first step in a process that culminates in the reader becoming a client.

Free report: “5 Easy Steps to a Professional Bio that Sells.” Get your copy now.

Get your bio off your to-do list now.
Contact me today.

I was raised in a society that regarded Nature as a resource, a refuge, an externality apart from everyday life. Our buildings, social norms, and lifestyles perpetuate the myth that we exist outside of the natural order. In this reality, it’s no surprise that we would come to see Nature only as a source of raw material and supplies for our inventions, not a model of innovation and inspiration for our most sophisticated challenges.

For example, what could Nature teach us about bonding plywood, maintaining the temperature in an apartment building, or improving the performance of olympic athletes?

Quite a lot, apparently.

On the first day of the Sustainable Enterprise Certificate’s first session, Mary Hansel –treasurer of the Biomimicry Guild- introduced us to the burgeoning practice that has attracted the attention of designers and innovators around the world.

When plywood manufacturers wanted a formaldehyde-free adhesive, Biomimicry found inspiration in mussels. When architects wanted to create a passive air-conditioning system, Biomimicry explored how termite mounds maintain a consistent temperature. When Nike wanted to create a hydrodynamic swimsuit, Biomimicry examined the way shark skin directs the flow of water around the animal.

While Biomimicry promises some enchanting design and organizational solutions, the skeptical side of me immediately drifts to the tension between Nature’s tendency to balance, and our tendency to desire more: more food, more space, more comfort, etc.

That’s a wide discrepancy for any philosophy to bridge.

My hope: as Biomimicry helps us achieve innovation in design and organizational challenges, we’ll look to Nature as a model of how to structure other parts of our lifestyles. We’re already seeing this manifest itself in the local food movement, the imperative to reduce our consumption habits, and the drive to curtail population growth.

If you have a moment, watch this TED talk about Biomimicry from Janine Benyus, the movement’s champion.

The S-word gets a lot of use around Portland. Every business seems to have a ‘sustainability initiative’. The question of telling a company’s ‘sustainability story’ holds prime real estate in the minds of many a marketer. Heck, you have several sustainability networking events to choose from every month.

With the S-word in such common use, I’d be curious to know how we each envision a sustainable enterprise. Before I share my brief answer, I’ll highlight a comment that catalyzed the question.

Recently, Brian Setzler, owner of Trilibrium a progressive and conscientious CPA firm, denied his company had the right to claim the highly coveted title ‘sustainable business’:

“As a stickler for precise language when it matters, I’ve had to correct well-meaning introductions [at speaking events] claiming Trilibrium’s sustainability. Our company is sustainably-driven and eco-conscious with triple bottom line values, but I have no idea whether we are sustainable.

I’ve heard people refer to certain farming practices as sustainable. Really, over what time frame and under what circumstances? Will these “sustainable” farms hold up over 5 generations? What about 500 or 1000? If not, are they really ‘sustainable?’”

Brian’s prompt coincided neatly with a program I’d just enrolled in: Willamette University’s Sustainable Enterprise Certificate (SEC). Before the program’s first session, SEC participants were challenged with this pre-class homework assignment; ‘How do you envision a sustainable enterprise?’

I don’t know that I’ve ever seen such an entity, nor heard of one. Stretching my mind back across time to when the only human enterprise was the tribe, I doubt I’d find an appropriate example.

It’s tempting to focus on hunter-gatherer tribes as icons of pure sustainability. Such groups would be too small to make a lasting impact on the environment. But countless tribes –and civilizations- have collapsed over the eons (see Jared Diamond’s Collapse), so they can’t provide a satisfactory example. We must stretch farther into the realm of ideal and theory.

What would a sustainable enterprise look like today?

The triple bottom line exhorts balance between economic viability, social conscience and environmental responsibility. Ideally, an enterprise that assigned equal importance to these three priorities would have a neutral impact on the environment (atoning for each pound of waste generated, kilowatt-hour of electricity expended, liter of water consumed, etc.), it would improve the lives of every person whom interacted with it (paying fair compensation to employees, supporting their families, and making a positive contribution to the immediate community), and it would make a responsible profit (no smoke-and-mirrors accounting tricks, no tax avoidance mechanisms, and no leveraging the future to pay the present).

That model seems as unlikely to occur as a societal reversion to the hunter-gatherer lifestyle.

In which case, the sustainable enterprise serves as a hypothetical counterpoint to the utopian legend of the hunter-gatherer existence. Although neither may be feasible today, each occupies a distant point on the far reaches of the spectrum of possibility. They’re a long way off, yet each provides a starting point for a discussion of our vision, without which, we’re just adding to the lip-service heaped on the weary S-word.

Your thoughts?
What’s your vision of a sustainable enterprise?
What would you add or subtract from the vision I’ve shared?

Just found this advice on time management. How would you improve it?

“If you’re easily distracted and nothing seems to be working to stop that, try removing the distractions totally. If you keep playing video games, go somewhere without internet access or a TV. If you keep getting distracted by the kids, work while they’re at school or when someone else is there to take care of them. The whole point is that not having distractions is much easier than ignoring them.”

Sigh. Good ideas. Poor writing.

Pivotal Writing Tips:
Each of these sentences has extra words that weigh down the reader’s experience. Trimming excess words will keep your reader focused and engaged.

Let’s look at each sentence individually. Which words can go without altering the sentence’s message?

Before: “If you’re easily distracted and nothing seems to be working to stop that, try removing the distractions totally.”
After: If you can’t seem to ignore your distractions, remove them completely.

Before: “If you keep playing video games, go somewhere without internet access or a TV.”
After: Addicted to video games? Avoid the internet and the TV.

Before: “If you keep getting distracted by the kids, work while they’re at school or when someone else is there to take care of them.
After: Can’t work with the kids around? Wait ’til they’re at school or under someone else’s care.

Before: “The whole point is that not having distractions is much easier than ignoring them.”
After: My main point: eliminating distractions is easier than ignoring them.

The phrase “not having distractions” makes that last sentence especially cumbersome. Instead of ‘not having’, let’s smooth out the sentence by using a single verb.

Now, let’s put it all back together…
“If you can’t seem to ignore your distractions, remove them completely. Addicted to video games? Avoid the internet and the TV. Can’t work with the kids around? Wait ’til they’re at school or under someone else’s care. My main point: eliminating distractions is easier than ignoring them.”

Mmm… Good advice…
Well, it’s time for me to get back to my Tetris-Thursday marathon!

Usually, I direct your attention to a snippet of weak writing. It’s useful to see mistakes in context.
However, today I thought you’d enjoy a brief look at a piece of strong writing. Hopefully this introductory paragraph will give you some ideas…

“Sustainability is a loaded term. I’m confused, bemused and amused by vernacular at times. I hope you’ll allow me to discover what I mean by sustainability as I write this article. Webster defines “sustain” as to maintain, prolong, endure, withstand, or “to suffer”. Okay, the “suffering” aside, I’m all over prolonging anything I perceive as positive and ending anything I perceive as negative.”

Lets break this down part by part:

“Sustainability is a loaded term.”
Are we reaching the saturation point with the ‘S’ word? I fear its increasing popularity (overuse?) may be diluting its imperative. In short order, this inaugural sentence connects with our growing exhaustion and promises a fresh perspective. Starting with a provocative, contentious idea is a great way to attract attention and compel the reader to continue.

“I’m confused, bemused and amused by vernacular at times. I hope you’ll allow me to discover what I mean by sustainability as I write this article.”
That nice use of rhyme sets a lighter tone for the piece and complements the first person “I”. Together, these choices say “no stuffy discourse here. I’m talking to you as if we were sitting at a table.” ‘I hope you’ll allow me’ even acknowledges the reader’s power over participating (‘to read or not to read’) and seeks to establish some sense of equality.

“Webster defines “sustain” as to maintain, prolong, endure, withstand, or “to suffer”. Okay, the “suffering” aside, I’m all over prolonging anything I perceive as positive and ending anything I perceive as negative.”
‘Okay’ and ‘I’m all over’ affirm that this will be a light, conversational read. The writer promises to keep the topic interesting and the pace moving along.

…I perceive as…
This is a little distracting and repetitive. Would something like “I’m all over prolonging the positive and ending the negative.” do the job just as well?

As a whole, these elements ease the natural flow of the piece, bringing the author’s voice out from behind the words. The style invites the reader to stick around and see what’s coming next. If only we saw more writing in this format.

“Don’t use no double negatives.”

Yeah, that’s right.  What better way to remember  good writing advice, than to see the mistake in action?

A few more for you…

1. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
2. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
3. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!
4. Check to see if you any words out.
5. About repetition, the repetition of a word might be real effective repetition – take, for instance the repetition of Abraham Lincoln.
6. It behooves us all to avoid archaic expressions.
7. In my opinion, I think that an author when he is writing should definitely not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words that he does not really need in order to put his message across.
8. To ignorantly split an infinitive is a practice to religiously avoid.
9. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

I wish I could take credit for these beauties, but the longer, original lists have been published over at this site.

Some are self-evident.  Others make you think.  All of them will improve your writing.

Go take a look, and enjoy.

How long can you listen to someone talk about himself before you get bored?

Sure, you’ll be polite and continue listening, but at some point you’ll start to think “Gosh, this person is taking up a lot of air time!” (Excepting, of course, the occasion when that’s the point; an autobiography, reading from a memoir, or explaining some personal triumph.)

The same is true when a company writes about itself, except that the potential consequences are more severe. Online readers’ primary question is almost always ‘What’s in it for me?’

How well do these two sentences present their answer?

“Acme Company is a research and consulting firm that helps companies measure, manage and market their social and environmental performance. Our research can help you identify the relevant channels and relationships you need to start or grow your market.”

Oi.
Aside from being ‘acme-centric’ this copy is dull and dreary.

First, let’s invigorate the message with some color.
Second, let’s re-arrange the promise to answer the reader’s basic question as quickly as possible. Once we’ve hooked ‘em, we can go into why we can satisfy our promise.

“Do your clients know how socially and environmentally responsible your company is?
To tell them you’ve got to measure, manage and market your performance.
Spur growth through the right channels and relationships with research-based consultation.
Get started now with Acme Company.”

Notice we’re using plain language. The technical credentials can wait until after site visitors are interested.
Also, there’s no mention of Acme until the very end. We want to focus the reader’s attention on his top priority; his company.
Last, the final sentence provides a direct call to action; very important on website copy.

Short, sweet, and reader-centered.
What do *you* think?

Share in the comment space below. Please.