Notes on a Playground

And I thought I had problems

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:22:00 +0000

Meeting with Chance

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:15:00 +0000

�??Chance�?? introduced me to the wonderful world of masturbation at 14, that time when I could really have some alone time all by myself with just my fingers and my imagination. Chance knew sex and wasn�??t afraid to bare it all, even opening my mind to greater possibilities than I thought possible. I got bored too easily, so chance introduced me to the pillow, the pillow was no dick but it rubbed me to sensual satisfaction. I would grind and hump on it till I came and then I would hug it. Thinking back now, it looks pathetic but hey, I loved chance; I loved Jackie Collins even more for writing chance. The sex that spilled from every page was enough to make me a professional sex counsellor, and I knew I had to explore. I tried sex with a man, and various men after that, no chance, and I wasn�??t sure if I was on a bumpy ride or in a bad dream. Sex was not for me, but chance gave me the thrill that sex failed to give me. I found out that except I was the one on top, grinding, humping, and hopping, there was not the slightest chance in the world that I would ever come the natural way with a man.

Most people masturbate and achieve sexual pleasure on their backs, with their hands in places, and touching like no one else could. Not me. I only derived pleasure lying on my tummy, pressed against my left hand, rubbing my clit till I reached that �??mad place�?? that I failed to reach with anyone else, man or woman. I felt odd, but hey, it�??s what floats my boat right. Chance started it, she taught me that way, and I found I couldn�??t have fun any other way till I met my boo. By this time I had lost chance, but she left an indelible print on me. I learnt to open up to new things and various other positions, I even gradually learnt to enjoy it on my back, but from time to time I still pay my respects to chance by getting on top, most times on my tummy pressed flat against my left hand, rubbing my clit. Now I have a new found respect for dick, thanks to the man that I�??ve come to love as my own, but I always think back from time to time with a grin on my face: Chance started it all.

Upside down in my head

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 07:46:00 +0000

My days past have been incredibly hectic, disappointing, even worse frustrating but am thankful for the gift of life. My plans for a postgraduate degree in journalism are looking bleak but am hopeful. Please don�??t ever send your child to the university of lagos. I cant believe its taking me almost 6months now just to get my transcripts, even worse I�??ve lost the Scotland admission due to it. now I�??m back to square one, trying to sift out chaff from wheat, trying to find credible schools, even worse trying to get my transcripts to them. Frustration has a new meaning for me.

Finally found a school that offers exactly what I want �?? Bournemouth University. Even better school starts in October, which gives me ample time to sort myself and do all the necessary dos. I hope it works out. I pray it works out. I believe it would work out because this is exactly what I want and I asked God for it and I know my father would never deny me of my heart�??s desire. My friend has asked that I help her with the editing of her mag and final touches to it while she�??s busy and out of the country, so that�??s another workload that�??s gon keep me even busier. I have faith that my dreams would come to be. I have to make them be, with God�??s help of course. I�??m up and doing, and by October, hopefully, ild be in Bournemouth. Hee hee!

Meanwhile I need to get out of the country fast, I need to be with my baby, he�??s the only one to soothe this stress. B y 1st week of july sha, cos that�??s when my visa would be ready. Had to renew and I had no idea they no longer use the drop-box method so I was refused. Had to pay another 52k, thank God I have an annoyingly wonderful uncle. And this time, they had better renew it cos I don�??t want any long story. I need a car, I need to be mobile, enough of all this taxi biz, and money-wasting. I�??m gon be busy next coupla weeks, I want to ask my dad but I know ild hear the history of my life. Oh well! I�??d live through it. I wana be singing a different song in my next post.

My Yola Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Sun, 18 May 2008 19:13:00 +0000

Day 1 �?? Met a woman at the airport whose son forgot all his documents at home, she seemed worried and I decided to help her get the documents to him. flight slated for 3pm but took off at 4.15pm instead. A sudden sense of foreboding ensweeps me, even the clouds make angry faces, I swear its not my imagination. It�??s beautiful - God�??s handiwork, I actually hope to touch a cloud someday (note to self: add to wish list). Anyways a brief stop at Abuja, and I�??m off to Yola. At the so-called airport, a rush of hot air �?? sort of like a mini tornado �?? slaps my face. I knew this whole journey was wrong, I just knew. How can hot breeze be blowing at 7.30pm? imagine what day time would be like. I mean I heard it was extremely hot here but this I cannot fathom, at night? I need a proper life, I don�??t know how I�??m going to get through 3 weeks of this. I took a cab with 3 other guys and we split the cab fare 700bucks each �?? those airport thieves, heard later we had been fleeced 2,600 bucks and I�??m like what tha fuck? Got to camp and too many people at all registration points, leaves me incapable of doing mine. I meet the son to whom I give all the documents and we became friends along with friends of his who became my friends too (they would later be the life of the camp for me). I decide to do my registration tomorrow, yet time for bed and I ain�??t got no place to sleep, I had to sleep in a chair and I never felt so much discomfort in my life.

Day 2 �?? I wake as early as 4.30am for some stupid jogging with the soldiers really chasing and making everyone run. Got through it in a couple of hours and started my registration. The day is very hectic and I feel stress in a different language, in a way that is appalling and apparent to everyone except me. Not till later, when I was done and had breathed a sigh of relief, did I feel the ache in my legs that came from walking all day. I finally found accommodation by a stroke of luck, at least I can lay my head on a bed tonight �?? even though it�??s a miserable excuse of a mattress. First thing I notice today is flies, flies are everywhere and they perch on you when you are eating and bathing, and who knows where they�??ve been. Awww God, who did I offend enough to make them post me to this shithole. I seem to be the cynosure of most male eyes, I don�??t even understand what they see �?? idiots. The foolish soldiers are not even left out, the randy bastards. I think I know what they see �?? vulnerability, that deceitful, innocent look of mine that makes me seem dumb and easily persuaded. What idiots! In their dumb minds!

Days 3 �?? 7 �?? Boring! I�??m so bored out of my mind. Woke as early as 4.30am for the same stupid jogging. I hate this place, my period starts today and there�??s nothing more irritating. I�??m appalled at the way the foolish camp commandant thinks he can get any girl he wants simply because he has captain attached to his useless name. The foolish soldiers wake me at 1am on the 7th day for some stupid head count, and I�??m really pissed. Even worse, I�??ve not been feeling very well and the drugs I�??ve been taking are yet to effect any change. Dad even called me when he heard I�??m not feeling well, that feels good at least cos he hasn�??t spoken to me since august. 1st week�??s gone, 2weeks left and I pray it goes as fast as possible, its getting unbearable. We get divided into platoons and I fall into platoon 10, along with the few good friends I�??ve made. I�??m still here but not quite, hopefully I�??d shut my eyes, open it and I�??m out. What a waste of time!

Day 8 �?? Today was Man-O-War day. We had to dress in our full khakis as opposed to the prisoner white on white we always wear. I did rope climbing and even crawled through a tunnel and barbed wire. It was kind of fun though. Camp commandant has been kicked out! Yay! He�??s been replaced with someone who�??s calm, easygoing and more importantly not randy. There�??s no greater joy for me right now.

Days 9-11 �?? My platoon played volleyball and lost, we played football and won, and we acted drama that everyone thought was awesome. Go Platoon 10! Lol. I�??m still bored, made even more acquaintances, but I�??m still bored. They do a belated welcome party and everyone�??s happy and dancing, not me, I just watched from the sidelines laughing at those convulsing in the name of dancing. Found out a guy in my platoon that looks 14, sickly and half-dead is actually 27, married and has 2 healthy children whose pics I saw. What a laugh! I have about 11 days to go and I�??m beyond glad. I cant wait to get out. B�??s been the one making this place bearable for me with his constant calls but we�??re fighting right now and I�??m sick of him and his attitude to certain things. Matter of fact, I�??m sick of guys at this point, and I need to x everyone, B inclusive (maybe not completely though). I�??m just plain tired of drama and attitude from left, right and center. I�??m blabbing.

Days 12-13 �?? still living. My days are normal in the same boring way. Platoon 10 did a cultural dance, it was alright, I played the shekere ( don�??t know the English name). Some upheaval in the middle of night results from attempted robberies and rape. This has me sleeping with one eye open and praying to God for safety. I don�??t feel safe in this camp at all. Its getting scary with all that�??s going on. B and I have settled our differences, we no dey waste time, I love my baby, yep yep I love my boy. We�??ve decided to go somewhere for our anniversary next month. He�??s suggested the Grand Camera island, I don�??t know where it is but I�??m down man. I just need to get away with my boo. We still haven�??t arrived at a concrete decision but we will soon enough. I feel a need to get closer to God, I�??ve been flouting my practices and not praying regularly, that ain�??t right.

Days 14-18 �?? I�??m beginning to have fun in this camp. Imagine! Just a few days to go and that�??s when I�??m starting to have fun. Oh well! What can I do? I have to make it fun for me somehow. The robbery incidents are on the rise, usually in the middle of the night when everyone�??s sleeping, waistbags seem to just grow wings and fly. Only in the female hostels though, I guess the thieves know the boys would kill them or something if they found them out. The great trek arrives and I walked for 6hrs through the ungle and mini-desert and I did not fall or stumble, now that�??s no small feat. Everyone just kind of expected me to faint. Lol! The aftermath has my legs killing me but I�??d be fine. The variety and bon fire nights are coming soon and my platoon members think I�??m fit for miss NYSC, miming and even dancing. Only me?lol. I am not lifting a finger to do shit, I can�??t shout abeg. I�??m just not interested in all that stuff. It should be fun though, just 4 days to go and I�??m audi, can hardly believe it. I miss my B so much, I can�??t wait to sort myself out, and travel to go see him.

Days 19-21 �?? variety night on the 19th was fun. J mimed, Ama contested for miss NYSC, papa danced. It was fun and I remember the mock macho, the real macho, and the miss pretty male contestants. I had a ball because I was laughing so hard I thought I was gonna die. Bonfire night was cool too, platoon 10 won the drama and had to present again, this time I got to watch as I missed it the first time. By 20th, I�??m getting ready to leave this pit and go home, packing, praying, hoping and believing that God in his infinite mercy would answer my prayers to be posted to a place that would work out with my plans. Turns out I�??m posted to Ganye along with Okey �?? the son of the woman I met at the airport. The 3hr journey to the place was unbearable but we lived through it. Got to ganye and I wished the ground would open up and swallow me. What a dump! Stayed over at a hotel for the night. Decided ild handle my shit tomorrow, by hook or crook there�??s no way in the world I would ever stay in this place.

Yola Hola

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 06:45:00 +0000

I know the title of this post seems stupid, but that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Those NYSC mofos finally decided to throw me to Yola(Adamawa). Imagine a place in this Nigeria that's a 3-day journey by road and 3 hrs by air. Aaaaaargh...why why why? I mean that is so so wrong. I've decided to be positive about it anyway, otherwise I'ld just die. To make it worse, air fare is N65,000 to and fro, I'm like what tha hell, I could just put a little something on that and buy me a return ticket to jand. I bought me a ticket day before yesterday though, after getn there to be told it was 65k as opposed to the 55k the idiot customer service attendant told me over the phone. I'm miffed big time, still I've decided to take my camera with me so I can take as many interesting and boring pictures as I possbly can. Would also write a daily journal as it would help me get through 3 weeks of non-civilization and possible frustration. I need to sort the person(s) that be so hopefully my behind doesn't smell Yola till the day I pass out of the scheme. Hopefully I'd leave today if the man they call my father gives me money. If ever there's another life, God please have mercy and give me a real father. Please God!

Restless and bored

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 13:54:00 +0000

I've been so bored with where I am right now, it's so hard doing nothing so I'm glad that my friend has asked me to do some articles for her new magazine coming out soon. Been doing that and it's not been easy, learning a lot of stuff along the way and at the same time building my own credibility. Still waiting to be posted for my NYSC, I hope they throw me somewhere liveable at the very least. It's only 3 weeks I know, but it can be very daunting living a corper's life. Still working on sending my application to my proposed school, should have done it by the end of the month. Hopefully, I'd start the course by September, and make my way up from there. I get worried and depressed at times, thinking that a lot of other people would be vying for the same jobs, and I need something to set me apart. I can't give up though, I know there's so much I can give and it's better to try than not to try at all. There's so much i want to do at the same time, i just feel as if I was born to be of different facets, as opposed to just doing one thing. I think I'm going to explore and try out different things, see how far it gets me. I'm very restless at this point in my life.

Neck it Out!

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 09:19:00 +0000

I recently read a book of Nora Ephron's titled 'I feel bad about my neck', a very hilarious book spurned in all truthfulness. In Nora's words "...you can put makeup on your face and concealer under your eyes and dye on your hair...but short of surgery, there's not a damn thing you can do about a neck..."

In her cultured world, she believes the neck starts to wilt at the age of 43, but according to medical reports the neck starts to age at the age of 45. Well I beg to differ. At 48, my mother's neck hasn't started showing any signs of aging, well maybe a little, but it's barely visible. Even at that, it's only proportional to her age, and by all means graceful. It's common knowledge that white people age faster so i would excuse Nora, but come down here to Nigeria, the different kinds of necks in Nora's world exist here. The elephant necks, scrawny necks, wrinkled necks, even the flabby and saggy necks.

Yes, in all their diversity, there's a certain uniqueness to their being gracefully aged and feminine. But I'm not sure what to make of the necks that are an amazing combination of all, even adding streaks of red and green to their already hideous state. I'm talking of the bleached necks - or whitened as they are called these days. the neck is one of the places in the body that starts to show signs of aging quickly, even before the hands and feet. Ephron's way of combating her neck problem is turtle neck sweaters and scarves, but given the hot weather here in Nigeria, how in love's name are these bleached women supposed to hide the sad and appalling excuse they call necks?

Ok, so there's no harm in toning, and it's even okay every now and then to whiten just a little bit(my mum is guilty of it). But given that the way the neck ages is as a result of genes or sun damage, a whitened neck is a sore sight, what with the way it seems the sun hangs directly over our heads. No one wants a neck that would make a beautiful gold chain squirm at its sight, even losing its beauty if it's unfortunate to sit on such neck. Truth is the harsh chemicals contained in these whiteners, combined with the cruel rays of sunlight, have deteriorating effects on our skin, more so the neck. If you have to whiten, do it in the comfort of ur a/c 24-7, if not - and you know you're going to be trekking or whatever it is that keeps you exposed to the sun a lot - then please do not bleach. That way, you would be saving yourself money while having a healthy skin, and at the same time saving the rest of us the gory sight.

For what it's worth, take care of your neck in your youth, matter of fact stare lovingly at it, so that when age comes a-knocking - and you can neither iron the creases or shoot botox into it - you my friend would be able to neck it out.

For Seni,

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 18:51:00 +0000

It's been 4 years now since you've been gone, 4 years today since those bastards snuffed life outta you. As always I celebrate your life rather than your death, and I know you're still here with us. You'd always have that special place in my heart. I miss you. Still.

Choice or Destiny

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 18:46:00 +0000

Is life destined for us in a certain path or is it just a load of random choices? I mean I know the point of life is choice but is it always? Aren�??t certain things just meant to be? I keep thinking about it and it keeps messing with my head. They say things happen for a reason but don�??t we play any part in the turn out of things?

Is the person you marry ultimately destined for you or is it just a matter of choice? And when you break up, is that destiny again? Perhaps playing a part in preparing you for something bigger? Or is it just a case of bad choices made? Or perhaps good choices that turned for the worse? Why are certain people rich and others poor no matter what they do? Are they destined to be that way or is it as a result of choices they made or make? Perhaps even choices made for them that they had no say in? Even more so are we destined to make the choices we make? Is there any sure way to know?

We can't choose our parents and siblings, so I know for sure that's destiny. I am I and you are you, and I certainly know that wasn't served to us on a plate of choice. I know they say what would be would be, but I like to think that what would be would have to be made by them that be. Still, I know that whom I choose to be, the things I do, the decisions I make are based on choice but am I destined to make those choices? And if I am poor and the man next to me is rich and it is as a result of destiny, then what exactly is the basis of choices made by destiny? Is destiny a term cooked up by those who are lazy and in oblivion to the rewards of simply doing as opposed to just being? Maybe not.

Whatever it is, I�??m here, now, in this moment, and that's all that matters. I know for sure that I can�??t sit on my butt and expect destiny to bring me the success, accomplishments and finer things in life that I so desire. So I have to work hard at the things I want and in the eventuality of achieving my dreams, be able to attribute my success to my choices or, perhaps, to me being destined to make those choices.

Real talk

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 19:42:00 +0000

What people think or say about me does not deter me or stop me from being what I want to be Matter of fact, what you eat does not make me shit. Real talk!

I do not have to fuck a bunch of men to get what I want. I have a healthy apetite for dudes, still I do me and I do me very well. I am too much of a woman for anyone to set standards for me by the strength of my sexual prowess. Real talk!

I have every right to be selfish sometimes. With my man, with my body, with my thoughts, with my money. I sure as hell do not owe anyone any explanations. Real talk!

I do not have to be like anybody or live in the shadow of anyone. I can only be me and being the woman that I am, I am in a class all by myself. It's so hard not to love me because it comes naturally. Real talk!

See I am piscean. They say we are feisty and that's true talk. You treat me right and I would be sweeter than iced tea. I'm so good at what I do it even scares me. See I'm a renegade. Real talk!

I love. I'm in love. I am capable of love. I can be loved, infact too easily. I don't know how to love someone who doesn't literally worship me. I can love this guy and that guy, and still love them totally and completely. Who's to say true love is the ability to love only one person? Real talk!

If something is not right, I would change it. If I can't change it, I would deal with it, but whatever it is I ain't bitching about nothing. Why would I want anything that comes easy anyway? I'm still young, getting my hustle on is a major part of my youth and growing up right? Real talk!

Flirting is a very healthy exercise for me, some form of release therapy so to speak. I would flirt with every single man in the room if I damn well please, and he still would not see the color of my knickers. So the next time you want to complain about how much I flirt, remember it's something I do for fun and I can only do so much. Real talk!

I love fine guys! I absolutely adore them. I'm not talking some run-off-the-mill kind of fineness. You know like the average one? Nah...not that. I'm talking the ones that give me reason to speak love in a different kind of language. They are like a work of art to me but I wouldn't lay my heart on the line for one though. Too much heartache, too much drama, too much of everything that's not healthy for me. Fine's good, but see I can't be with you. Real talk!

I am a woman with pride, a woman of pride, a phenomenal woman and a very fertile one at that. No surprise then, that I am pregnant by life, pregnant by the game, pregnant by sheer zeal and determination of the rarest kind. It's only natural that I give birth to success like it's never been lived before. Real talk!

Happy birthday to me

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 19:31:00 +0000

Woah! Me turned 23 yesterday and I had the chance to reflect on my life and how far I've come. I'm thankful that I even got to this point but I feel like there's so much I have to do, so much that's been left undone, so much I have to accomplish and still so much to see. I prayed for so many things and I know God being God, would be good to me as always. he has never failed to meet my needs, and with him by my side, 23 just became the beginning, albeit the landmark, of success and realisation of my dreams. Here's to me, to life, to everyone that has made my life worth living, to everyone who's shown me so much love and care. I can only pray they receive just as much and even more. Most importantly, here's to the future, a life of endless possibilities and opportunities and success beyond human imagination!

I remember

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 23:38:00 +0000

I remember my yesterdays. Days way back when the true measure of a woman was measured by the weight of her brains. Way back when the tide of beauty swept over the belles of the citadel I spent the best and worst four years of my life. Days when the tide left in its wake an exposure of the kind of setting I had come to find myself in. The metamorphosis of people into who they really were, who they were not and even who they hoped to be or not to be and I remember my mother urging me on into the world, whispering in my ears not to forget who I am, most importantly not to forget the daughter of who I am.

I remember the times that shaped me, the people that taught me, the brutes that broke me and the God that put every little broken piece of me back together. I remember. I remember trying to find my feet in a world filled with opportunities, I mean I still am trying to find my feet. I remember trying to find myself, trying to know who I really was; I mean I had some kind of idea but I knew there had to be more to life than what I was at the time- a young girl trying to find her place in the world.

I remember the girls that had no idea who they were and I felt pity for them. Those girls whose ideas of beauty involved the number of men they could attract with their bodies, girls whose ideas of self-worth involved how much booty they could expose. Not to be self-righteous or anything, but I remember me in the t-shirts and jeans and the oh-so-flat-your-feet-almost-touch-the-ground-kind-of-shoes and I couldn�??t understand why they were better than me. I remember feeling out of place in their world because beauty as I knew it involved how much of my intelligence the world could contain. I was bursting and at the peak of my childhood, I definitely was in no hurry to grow up, but I guess I did.

I remember the girls who lost count of the number of men they had been with and I in contrast could count the men on half of one hand. I wonder if their lives have made them the better for who they are today as mine has me.I remember almost turning into a shadow of myself, into a recluse of the person i knew i could be. I remember the choices I made, those choices that have paved the way for even deeper-rooted choices that have got me to this point and have made me a better person.

I remember almost being drawn into a world that existed out of what i was used to, the pressures that almost taught me to spell failure. I have never learnt to spell that word and I never would. I know exactly who I am.I know exactly who I want to be. And though yesterday helped me to plant my feet firmly on the ground, and today is an opportunity for me to take those wobble-free steps I have been longing to, my tomorrows filled with who I am and who I would be, look nothing like the yesterdays that I remember.

Making appetizers from life's crumbs

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:05:00 +0000

Yoooooooooooooooou!!! Where have you been? Okay let me see�?�..where exactly am I at this point in my life?...I am at the point where I begin to think of fast-forwarding events in my life to that point where I eventually make it and I am doing exactly what I want to �?? entertainment journalism. I mean skip all the hard-work and all the work experience and placements and shit and just get me right into the nitty gritty �?? I mean big time stuvs. Okay so I really am into this whole tv presenting entertainment journalism thing right now and after much research and all, I finally have my priorities sorted and listed. I have to get work experience and placements if anyone is going to give me the listen. I garner that what better place to get experience than a local newspaper or television station, aye? But I mean, why can�??t I start big? I know it�??s just wishful thinking and all, but hey I get to dream it don�??t I?

So starting tomorrow, I am going to start sending applications and calling in just to find get relevant information. Apparently I have to try and get this work experience from smaller media houses and that way work my way up; reason for this being that there�??s too many applications for the big ones and I could spend the time used in chasing the big media houses around gaining some work experience. I intend to get as much work experience as I can. From various media houses too, if possible. Norwich is quite a quiet city and even more not so hippy if you know what I mean. Loads of small and medium media houses, BBC is even here. I definitely intend reaching out to all of them. At the same time looking out for opportunities that might present themselves in way of trainee schemes or actual employment for people with no experience, that kinda stuff basically. I also intend to do a post-graduate diploma in journalism just to back it up since I don�??t have a foundation degree in it.

I have a favorite quote at the moment, I came across it while doing research on this journalism thing. It was like a voice was speaking to me or something and it really just hit home, very on point. The quote is 'When life gives you crumbs, make appetizers; when life gives you shit, make fertilizer'. Now ain't that cute. Anywhooo, I don't quite remember whose it is. It was just so cool, still is, that I had to keep it on lock in my head and heart. It keeps me going.

That said, I get to do the PgDip while I am working, maybe in a year or something. So I start tomorrow, I really need God as always, I just hope someone reaches out to me too. I know it�??s not going to be easy and all but at least I have faith, plus determination, strong will and perseverance would definitely get me there. Moreso, I get joy knowing that I achieved everything through my own hardwork. I know it would work out sha. God dey!

Meanwhile, B and I have been having problems and all but it looks like we�??ve finally sorted everything. Although I feel like I may have lost a wonderful friend and person at the expense of this harmony. It�??s all good, what�??s that they say about the black woman�??s mantra, we don�??t always do what we want to do but we always do what we have to do.

N.B: I just saw the Booty video and again these boys wanna drive me mad men. The real trip for me was seeing Jozi in that video, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? I love Jozi like crazy man cos those boys especially Les put the TA in talented. Nice video even though as small as my butt is, it definitely is bigger than those of some of the girls in the video. I definitely would not be hesitant to dance to this song in public again. I mean what tha hell. hiss.

Gratitude to God for a year well spent

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 19:01:00 +0000

It's 4 hours to a new year, and I am more thankful than I have ever been in my life. 2007 was a year of great stuff for me, there's no way to quite express my appreciation but Lord I thank you for everything you have done for me, everything you are doing for me, and everything you will do for me. Thank you so much. I thank you profusely. It's been so long since I put my thoughts down but I've just been here and there and pretty much up to something in a nothing kind of way. Here's hoping the year 2008 ushers in more blessings, more miracles, more opportunities and even more the gift of life. So much of almost nothing has gone down in the past month, I'm with B now, we're going through some rough patches, but we'd get back up. Life and relationships are what they are, sometimes it just gets tough. I've got plans and a whole lotta stuff I hope to accomplish in the new year, and by His grace I would see every one of them to the T. No be me? No be God? I'm at a point in my life where I am happy, thankful for each day I get to live. I'm.....uhhhhhh....dunno the word.

So I'm still here and there with my research for this journalism turf but I haven't quite fully given it the attention it deserves. So I promise to give it my time in January, and even visit a few media houses if possible. Just find out the necessary things. Hmmmm......we'd see how that turns out. 2008 here I come, there's only way to go man, and that's UP.

1st step to touching my dream

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 13:33:00 +0000

B finally left me day 2days ago. I saw him to the airport-as always-it was hard saying bye, and me being the chicken that I am when it comes to him, I surprised myself. I didnt even shed a single tear. Maybe because I know I am seeing him soon. But my heart broke when I saw a tear slide down my baby's eye. I made a grown man cry. My heart broke into a million pieces. I was fighting back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. Crazy. When I said the final goodbye, I just walked away from him without looking back and all of a sudden my world seemed so small and my heart tightened. I'm doing fine doh. Just a coupla weeks more.

So I finally did it yesterday. I resigned. yep! It wasn't easy but I did, after just 3months. oh well....I gotta do what I gotta do. I'm gonna miss some of those peoples men- I can count them on one hand. I'm still gon be at work for 2weeks more though. I gotta interview and hire a potential replacement for me. I can hardly believe myself. So I'm up and gone to see B in a coupla weeks and at thesame time, see what this journalism turf has to offer me and what to do and how to do it.

Way back when

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 12:40:00 +0000

To my bestestest friend ever,

Closer than a brother, second skin to me, like glue you were. I remember the way my eyes lit up whenever you were around. Was it because I saw the fire in your eyes too? Was it because, like me, you needed someone to pour your heart out to? Closer than a sister you were, reading through my thoughts like an open book. It was pure, heavenly, beautiful, void of stain, dust and mud that washed the grounds we walked on. This relationship, that relationship- it had to be.

Through the illest, you held me down; you were there for your home girl. I was closer than a brother, closer than a sister, closer than close. I was. You would have traded almost anything to see me happy. I walked in when everyone else walked out? Isn�??t that why you loved me? Isn�??t that why you cared? It was pure and unadulterated. Well at least before you thought there could be �??more�??. But it couldn�??t have been. Didn�??t you know? Didn�??t you see it? We were one blood-anything �??more�?? would have marred it. Or maybe not. You didn�??t stick around long enough for me to find out. You had to go. You said you had to leave. You couldn�??t bear the torment that seeped in through the walls and roof of the place you called home. I was the peace and quiet you knew, the peace and quiet that you had got used to.

But we were young, you had to be far away from it all. You still are. Or maybe not. I haven�??t spoken with you in almost 3 years now. I couldn�??t call when your number kept changing like the British weather. I know you�??re in the States. I just don�??t know where, and nobody else seems to know either. I�??m still looking though, I�??d find you still. When I do, can we please go back to those days in high school, when we were such kids at heart, walking hand in hand, barefoot in the sand? If only for one minute? Pleeeeeaaaasssseeee? I miss those days!

p.s: I have a great man now though, I know you�??d love him. He kinda reminds me of you. You both kinda have the same nose, well his ain�??t big like yours lol-I remember your nose and I hope you outgrew it- but hey don�??t mind me, I�??m just tripping.

To my biggest crush ever,

I wonder what you look like now. I wonder if your head is still as long as the barrel of my father�??s gun. I wonder if you�??re still as cute as you were, if you�??re still as tight n ish in your gear like you were in your school uniforms. Shit! You had the whitest socks ever, and your sandals were always, always shining. It was like all the dust that were supposed to be on your shoes was on mine. I know I had one of the dustiest sandals, still I wasn�??t a pig. I just wasn�??t into my appearances, not after 12pm anyway.

I�??ve had a crush on you since the first day we met. You remember that day? It was in primary school. We were both in primary 3. Your head was still long then, as it probably still is now. I know I�??ve always been a man-eater since the time I let my 1^st cry ring in the ears of the world, but that can be forgiven. We both felt the connection, it was so strong, but we never really talked. Till tomorrow, I�??d never figure out why we never-in pry and even in high school-just sat down to really talk, and maybe even get one kiss.

I�??m not a greedy girl, the joy of knowing you in that way, even if we never dated, would have been enough memory to last me a lifetime. To make it worse, you toasted my friend, and even dated that my other friend sef. I mean WTF? I sat on the sidelines for years and what do I get? Nothing! Nor be say I no gel o, nor be say you no feel me die, but I dunno what happened. Maybe it was you, isn�??t the boy supposed to make the first move? At least we all had that mentality then and it definitely would have worked just fine for me. All those soulful-look-me-deep-in-the-eyes stares we used to give each other then, and even the extra sexy looks I gave you (in my mind I think). So all that was for nothing; do you have any idea how much I practiced those looks? I suppose knock that your long head in if I see you.

How I dreamed and longed for you countless nights-Chei! What a waste. Well not entirely. I still miss the you that I never got to know. I don�??t know if I still have a crush on you. I�??m not sure I do. I doubt it. Scratch that. I might-still. But if I ever meet you again�?��?�.that one is hanging because I�??m not sure what I�??d do.

Crazy and interesting stuff around

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 13:02:00 +0000

This work of art secretly carved underground is perhaps the 8th-world wonder? It's beautiful, absolutely amazing, a constant reminder of our resourcefulness and boundless limits of we as humans. The new air-conditioned shoes give me ideas of christmas gifts for a number of people. I would have bought me a pair but those particular shoes that make my feet smell are going to the bin soon. I guess I won't be needing them anymore.lol. Some dude finally figured out that there are no condoms his size in the market, and therefore decided to invent the new spray-on condom. I'm like WTF??? The girl for don lose interest comot by the time ur done spraying the foolish thing. Nice going anyways.

Living...Loving...and everything in between

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 21:03:00 +0000

The past few weeks have just been entirely crazy. So much of nothing has been going on that I haven�??t just found the time to put my thoughts down. My baby�??s been around for a while now, it�??s been fun, and we practically have been having a lot of �??our time�??. None of all that patrolling the streets of Lagos, I mean we have been having fun and all, we go out often and stuff, but we�??re more like into ourselves and trying to catch up on lost time. I mean I haven�??t seen this dude in 8 months. Its crazy ain�??t it? But shit happens, and we�??ve worked something out. We are not gonna be apart longer than a month anymore, now ain�??t that sweet.

Still on that, B and I have decided that we would visit at least 2 countries every year that we have never been to. I hope we actually find the time and resources. I�??m sure I�??d find the time though. Is it not me? Meanwhile, I am sure now what it is I wanna do. I wanna be into journalism, tv journalism that is. But more of entertainment journalism, I mean like Giulianna Rancic or Ryan Seacrest�??s job. So B and I have put plans in motion to get on track. I�??d be moving or rather relocating to the UK, do some media and journalism courses, then the hard part, try and get my feet planted firmly on the ground. I know it�??s not gon be easy, but I am so determined I even scare myself. It would work out, I know, even though I would probably start out serious like say reading the news or something like that, who knows maybe even end up enjoying it but I seriously doubt it.

Anyways, we�??re still on it, and it�??s all by God�??s grace and I know he would take me to just where he wants me to be.

On a lighter note something happened 2weeks ago that just had me fully in support of the resourcefulness of Nigerians. We(B and I) went to his uncle�??s place and on our way back, the car just stopped. In my 22 years of existence, I have never been in a car that stopped on 3^rd mainland bridge. It was crazy, thank God it was a Sunday and it was daylight, so I believe God must have been there with me. I mean He always is, but please allow me. Ok so after much hitting and tinkering, still nothing could revive the car. A little more waiting and we couldn�??t find the towing vans (they�??re never there when you need them), B�??s bro who was driving did the unthinkable and most intelligent yet silly thing. He got okada men to tow the car. How? Both bikes took positions at the rear ends of the car, and drove their bikes which in turn pushed the car. Though we were kinda slow, we got the car home, and I swear it was hilarious because every car on the road kept turning to look at us, even laughing and giving us thumbs up cos even they couldn�??t have thought that far. Lol. It was amazing. Wish I took pics.

I�??m still going on strong though, trying to get by with each passing day, B�??s still around for about 9 days more so I intend to make the most of it before he leaves again. It�??s great when you love someone and the person loves you even more. It�??s different when you get older cos you�??re more appreciative of a good man, especially if you�??ve had some encounters with the terrible ones. Not that I have, but I have been taught to be grateful for everything so it feels good. Great, actually.

Over the period of time, I have found a new love in digital scrapbooking, which means I now have to buy a camera and start a picture-taking frenzy. Hah! Would start saving some of my beginner�??s work now, so it would remind me later, when I perfect the art, of how small steps lead to bigger things. Lol! I�??m so sure I just sounded corny.

Resident Evil

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 09:36:00 +0000

My homeboy D told me a coupla weeks back about his childhood friend whose pregnant wife was killed by her houseboy while his friend was out of the country. Devastation was all over his face and I couldn't even do anything to calm him or soothe his pain, thing is where do you start from? What do u say to ease such pain? It was a bitter pill to swallow and I didn't give it much thought after that but it was in the papers later and that's when it hit me.I only just summoned the strength to talk about it cos it could happen to anyone and we all gotta be careful of the kind of elements we let into our house in the name of househelps. Read the full story at http://allafrica.com/stories/200710150211.html

Still on the ills of our society, last week,a friend of mine was gisting me of a group of girls -4 girls actually-that were picked up by a man and taken to some place in Lekki, maybe his house. The idea was to have group sex, have a good time you know, and eventually get some small cash that they'd use to buy some baffs and trip in school( I would give this full discussion in some other post). Anyways instead of group sex, they have their heads forcefully shaved, and a donkey f**ks them instead. Yes, believe it. The donkey f**ks them, 3 of them, but rejected the last girl. Who knows? Her mother is probably praying for her somewhere thinking her daughter is in school, meanwhile the foolish girl is busy gallivanting, or maybe her head is just too strong for their rituals, whichever way the girl was dumped somewhere on a lonely road and left for dead because she wasn't accepted for the sacrificial purpose for which she was picked in the first place - see they don't kill those kind of people because there's some myth about bad luck following you. But she was helped by some people and she told the story after which she ran mad and was taken to a psychiatric hospital. The other girls served their purpose of course and died as a result.

This ain't fiction, this is real talk, this is stuff happening in the present day Nigeria. How do you console a man who's just lost his wife, a woman that was pregnant with twins, and their first issues too? How do you console the mothers of the girls that were used for the evil acts of sex with an animal and consequently rituals? What do you do to the 17-yr old boy whose acts have rendered a man void of his labour and all the good he's ever known? How do you justify the greed of man and his quest to make money at all costs? How? Why? So many questions, yet so little answers.

I have always said it before, and I say it again, God is not asleep, everything that goes up must come down, what goes around comes a million times back around, you can't plant yam and expect to harvest potatoes. I only ask that we take extra care and act with utmost caution in our daily activities, whilst committing our lives and the lives of our loved ones into God's almighty care.

Every man is accountable for his actions, and the evil that men do lives after them. The perpetrators of these acts would be punished, their lives would be like chaff before the wind, and everything in their lives would be in a constant state of chaos. They would suffer beyond human comprehension, and even when they call on death to alleviate their suffering, death would elude them. This is God's promise!

Tekinology...am still tripping

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 15:07:00 +0000

Behold the future of toilets. The seat on the toilet automatically rises when a potential user enters the room. Classical music inserted into an integrated MP3 player begins to play as well. If you would prefer your own music, you can plug in a CD player at the side. It is also self-cleaning. Its cost is $3,700. Whatever...what happened to the good ol' shitting bowl?

Here's the VLW613 wireless intercom system. What's trippy about this? It can convert female voices to male ones to scare off intruders. Wow...like that would stop anything in Naija.....seriously!

This is the one just making me laugh. Celebrity hangout Chinawhite in Soho is trying out Britain�?s first "�?e-cig", a Chinese-made device that mimics the ritual of smoking but is claimed to be entirely legal indoors.

The six-inch white plastic stick uses a battery-powered atomiser to create realistic puffs of �?"smoke," while the tip glows red with each suck.

The smoker even gets a strong kick of nicotine from "�?nico-filter" cartridge. Its manufacturer, the Golden Dragon Group, say the invention has no harmful side-effects because there is no smoke or tar.

A £50 starter pack includes the cigarette, one filter and a recharger for the battery. The filter will provide enough nicotine for about 350 puffs, equivalent to about 30 cigarettes. On top what now? 50 quid for just a ciggie? These people are tripping seriously, but I like the whole concept. Sweet!

Finding success...

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:05:00 +0000

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it...Maya Angelou

I like, actually love, myself, but I don't like what I do, and I don't like how I do it. That means I haven't found success, or even fulfillment. I finally figured out today what it is exactly I love doing- journalism. Tv, radio, print, whatever, I love journalism, but I think entertainment journalism is more my thing. Thing is I'm not quite sure where to start from in pursuing this dream. The Nigerian situation does not make it easy. Should I get a degree or do a professional course in journalism and media communications? or should I just look for who's willing to take me under their tutelage? But in Nigeria, you've gotta know somebody to get into most places. So what if I turn out empty-handed in that department?

I would love to have E!'s Ryan Seacrest's or Giuliana Rancic's (nee DePandi) job. I would also love to be a music VJ for maybe MTV, it's all journalism right? I respect Christiane Amanpour and I would love to be in her shoes, even more I absolutely love Kristie Lu Stout's job, she's the babe behind the latest technology reviews on CNN; and me, I am a gadget freak, so yea I would love that job, I'm sure it's something I would enjoy. It definitely looks like it's more of tv for me, than radio or print.

So I love music, I love gossip, and I love high-tech gadgets, is there a career combination of all three? Prayed about it today, and it's still fuzzy where I wanna start from but I believe God would show me the way. It's about me doing something I totally love while getting paid for it, ain't it? Let's wait and see.

I am my mother's daughter

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 11:58:00 +0000

I thought about you today, I thought about the most valuable gift God gave me, no precious jewels, no diamonds, I thought about you. I resolve today to make you happy as much as I can. To appreciate you, to love you completely, to try and understand the essence of who you are. I have a strong woman for a mother, you're not the most educated woman in the world, neither are you the richest, but you are the smartest mother in the world.

My mother is very industrious, very very patient, the very essence of womanhood, a living example of what women should be. I was a watching a show on tv yesterday, and I noticed how this one guy expressed his love and affection for his mom; it almost brought tears to my eyes. I thought of you, and I admit that I haven't been the best child but I promise to try from now on.

I promise to buy you little things every now and then, little things to show gratitude; not that material things make up for what I have put you through, but they're there to remind you that I love you so much and I am sorry for my mistakes, even the ones I'm yet to make. I still dream of buying you that grand car, that exotic mansion, taking you around the world, I will sooner than later. I promise to do things for and with you more often; giving you peace of mind and putting endless smiles on your face anyway that I can.

I see a lot of obituaries in the paper these days, mostly women, I think of my mother. I couldn't live this life without my guardian angel. So much my mother's done for me and my family that I can never repay, so much that I am still trying to understand, so much that majority of women out there would never do. I aim to be half , if not all, of the woman that my mother is, I know I'd be fulfilled then, I don't ask for too much.

I have learned most of life's values and lessons at the feet of my mother. My mother is a concrete rose, a fortress, a pillar, the backbone of my family. This is a tribute to the world's best MOM. If I ever lost you, I am so sure I would die. I pray you live to a ripe old age, to see your grandchildren, and God willing, your great-grandchildren too.

Eventually, you would return to mother earth, and I would do the honors, I promise you a grand burial-at a ripe old age don't forget-befitting for the queen that you are.

Your values are deeply rooted in me, I know you're proud of the person that I am; and I know who I am- I am my mother's daughter.

Hmmmm...these evil children again

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 10:57:00 +0000

Okay it hasn't been long since i talked about the spate of armed robbery right? And before you can even say'african queen', there the dare-devil robbers go again. This time inflicting pain on one of our country's finest and most talented artistes. I mean, c'mon what the hell is this country turning into? Everywhere you go now, people tread carefully for fear of them announcing their gong(gunshots) to let everyone know they're around. Even at that, how are you supposed to tread carefully when you don't even know when and where they'ld be? You now see them operating at anytime, unleashing terror on unsuspecting victims. What is the government doing about it? Let's not even talk about the police because dey never chop belleful much less having the wherewithal to combat these evil children, as i call them.

We all know christmas is approaching so yea there's bound to be an increase in robbery and accidents, but the truth is that they can be prevented, not completely but at least to a minimum. If they can attack 2-face brazenly like that in view of all and sundry without a care to who he is, then please what chance do we un-celebrities have? There's talk that it might be an attempted assasination as the robbers didnt make away with even one pin. How now? In this obodo Nigeria? Or is there another one? In the words of Eedris Abdul-kareem 'which armed robber no want money, which armed robber no wan jolly...' especially in the case of 2-face where u know say pepper rest plus opportunity to cart away things that he wouldn't even batt an eyelid in replacing.

It's awon bif-dogs, that's their hobby, instead of thinking of ways to better themselves they'ld be busy plotting other people's downfall, moreso as his career, his present life and his future sef is so bright that they're almost getting blinded. The best option for them is now to snuff life out of the poor boy, as if that would make their miserable lives any better. Seriously this government should take a cue from their not so impressive predecessors, at least they made small attempts. This present government I just don't understand. The governor ain't even doing shit. He's been sitting in office for over 100 days now-which happens to be their favorite landmark- and still the girl hasn't seen anything noteworthy that is as a result of his being in office.

They say every man is the architect of his own fortune and they couldn't have put it any more rightly. Saying I'm sorry for these evil children is an understatement, they definitely would get what's coming to them. They raided even more during the fasting period because they knew muslims being their typical selves, especially the mallams of bureau de change, would not carry their jazz during that holy period of fasting. Now i wonder, if dem born any bloody robber with two heads, just try think am, your fate would be worse than that of the Iraqi terrorists.

It's really heart-wrenching, and I am even more fearful because my B-my baby, my all-is coming to the country to see me next month, and although I'm almost tempted to tell him not to come, I can't help having faith in Him that is bigger than me, knowing that He would keep me and mine safe. Always. Please let's just take time out to thank Him for small mercies, and constantly commit ourselves into His care, while also praying for this dead-beat country, keeping in mind that there is hope.

As for you evil children...hmmmmm....what can I say.... does the word karma make any sense???

Life's a bitch...deal with it

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 14:25:00 +0000

Nature has no mercy at all. Nature says, I'm going to snow. If you have on a bikini and no snow shoes, that's tough. I'm going to snow anyway..........Maya Angelou

Some people just derive joy in moaning and lamenting about what's in front of them. They are pessimists rather than optimists. They see the glass as half-empty instead of half-full. It's crazy the number of people you see hanging around aimlessly on the streets of Lagos everyday, I mean it's really crazy. Everywhere you turn, left right and center, there are beggars and jobless youths. Now i used to be sympathetic with such people, I still am, because believe it or not, some of them while being physically handicapped have tried and still nothing works for them. But the people i cannot stand are those ones who you can see are able-bodied, nothing do you for leg, nothing do you for hand, then you'd now start coming to beg. I mean whatever happened to dignity of labor or warreva it's called. It doesn't matter if you are selling pure water or you're sweeping the streets of Lagos. There is dignity in labor.

You then see some foolish people that call themselves parents would send their kids out on the road to beg and even hawk stuff. I know it ain't easy, so maybe i understand where they're coming from when they tell the kids to go hawk oranges and bread. It still is wrong though. But the ones that beg almost drive me nuts. Anyone that knows me knows I have a weakness for children. I love children DIE!!! I still think they're the easiest way to get to me. I am always close to tears when i see kids hawking stuff and begging on the road. Truth hurts....but at the end of the day they gotta do what they gotta do, because it might be easy for us to just talk and yada yada, but I am sure if we had to walk a mile in their shoes, we'd do worse things to survive.

Life's a bitch...deal with it. It might not offer much but hey, strap ur boots and do something. Make something out of nothing. Life's not gonna pity you or bend backwards a little to accomodate your setbacks; it's up to you to make life work for you with what she has given you.

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.......Maya Angelou

It's not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. If everyone had to sit on their flat arses and complain and bitch all day about this and that, then we all would be in a state of turmoil right? I don't suffer fools gladly, I think we would all be better off if we could engage ourselves trying one more time, that's the essence, just keep trying, we all would get there. There's just so many things going wrong all at once around us, and what are we doing about it? Nothing!!! The spate of armed robbers these days is alarming. Everywhere I go it's gunshots, people killing people. Is it because christmas is fast approaching and there is the need for our jobless youths and hungry and desperate citizens to feel some kind of fulfilment? The kind of fulfilment that comes with knowing you can go back to your home-town during the xmas period, and command some kind of respect. Why? Because you have some money to throw around, buy bags of rice for the old folks at home, make plans to build a house, and that way you haven't been counting bridges in Lagos, thereby being a total failure.

All I'm trying to say is everything comes around full circle, what you sow is what you reap, you can't be working in John Holts and then go and collect salary at Julius Berger. If you work hard, you'ld reap the benefits. If you're lazy and the idea of work doesn't make sense to you, then you still would reap the losses. If you decide to make quick money to the detriment of people's lives and properties, you'ld get what's coming to you in the end. Nothing goes unpunished, it might be delayed, but it will come. Surely.

It's the little things in life that count, so make an effort no matter how little to improve someone else's life around you. They say you haven't truly lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. Who knows? That one act of kindness might just be what would stop a devastating turn of lives.

Life is what we make of it...do the right thing!

PHENOMENAL WOMAN...THAT'S WHO I AM

noreply@blogger.com (Ms B) — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 12:14:00 +0000

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
....................Maya Angelou