So many people have told me that when you’re done having kids, you’ll just know.

Well I don’t know!  We’re probably done having babies.  Maybe.   Probably.

Before Tate and I got married and we used to gaze dreamily into one another’s eyes and imagine our future family, it always included two kids.  We both grew up in families of four and it just seemed logical that we’d do it the same way.  I can’t believe how extraordinarily lucky we’ve been with two healthy, beautiful gifts of children.  A boy and a girl!  What more could we possibly want?

Our family doesn’t feel incomplete.  We are complete!   Definitely.  Maybe.  Probably.

We have discussed having a third baby, in an abstract sort of way.

“We only have a three bedroom house,” he’ll say.  “Children share bedrooms all the time.  But I don’t think we really NEED another child.  I’m just thinking out loud.”  I’ll say, watching Tate’s face change from mild panic to relief.

“I love the name Chase, don’t you?” I’ll ask Tate randomly.  “What about Georgia for a girl?”  He’ll look at me sideways and just shake his head.  “I just like to think about baby names, not for born babies, just the imaginary ones. Can’t a girl dream?!”

“Would you really want to start all over?” my mom has asked me over the phone.  The answer to that is, no.  No, I really don’t want to go back to nap schedules and sleepless nights (those will return soon enough with teenagers), or breastfeeding and high chairs.  Our kids are so close in age, by very careful design, they both enjoy the same activities.  Next year, they’ll both be in school at the same time!

Before we got pregnant with Carson, both Tate and I felt ready to have a baby.  (SO HILARIOUS, I know!  Ready!  For a baby!  HA!!)  We were 200% certain that we wanted to be parents, it was something that consumed all of my thoughts.  I didn’t feel any doubt as we tried to get pregnant.  The doubt came as soon as the pregnancy test was positive and lasted until he was five months old.  In the back of mind, I kept waiting for his real parents to show up and claim him.  I wasn’t sure at all about being ready for a second baby, but we took an enormous leap of faith and on a whim decided to give Carson a sibling.  We knew we’d never regret having another baby and grow our family, but there wasn’t an all consuming urge like there had been when we decided to start our family.

Now I have even less of an urge to make another baby.  I don’t fully grasp why I even entertain the possibility!  There isn’t just one, neat and concise answer.  Many of my friends have three (or MORE!) kids.  Maybe because they seem perfectly sane, even happy, that I entertain the idea in a romantic sort of way.  (Ah!  Cute baby clothes and wee baby feet!  Gummy grins and sweet baby smells!)  Maybe I want to keep up with the Joneses.  Maybe I still have so many great baby names to use.  Maybe I really enjoyed breastfeeding.  Maybe I’ve lost my mind.  My “baby” will be three in May, and then all of a sudden I’ll wake up one day both my children will be off to college and married with kids.  At some point, the childbearing years end, but perhaps it’s THE END that makes me want to keep my babies babies, by having just one more.

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I’m so curious about how people make these decisions about growing their family (or not growing their family.)  How did you decide to start a family?  What made you have one baby?  Two babies?  Seven babies?  Are you done having babies?   HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE DONE!!!????

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.

I sort of feel like mother of the year when I look at this picture.  Mud makes me completely insane, I hate the unavoidable mess.  Yet!  Because my children ADORE mud, I let them jump and splash in the mud puddles in our yard after Friday evening’s rain.

At least the light was perfect and I at least I got a few shots of the children.  And at least I was going out that evening with friends and leaving Tate to clean up two very muddy children.  So not only am I mother of the year for letting them play in the mud, I’m also a genius for doing it on a night that I wouldn’t have to deal with the aftermath.

You can see my entire set of photos for my project 365 {2010} on Flickr.

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.

(Inspired by this post on Whatever…)

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.

Bem-vindo a Portugual!  Welcome to Portugal!

I ran away from home a few weeks ago, straight into the welcoming arms of World Market and found a plethora of international delights.   These cookies kept beckoning from several different shelves.  “COMPRE-ME!  COMPRE-ME! (BUY ME!  BUY ME!)” they chanted.

I was intrigued.  Cookies.  From Portugual.  There was no way this was going to end badly, I was certain.  Unlike the sake incident of aught nine, I knew that cookies were a relatively safe choice.

Readers of Playgroups are No Place for Children, please meet Princesa Assortment Biscuits!  An assortment of cookies, indeed!  Wafers, cookies shaped like hearts and pretzels covered with chocolate, cookies with chocolate centers, and buttery cookies were gobbled down by a ravenous family of four in less than a week.   We had several boxes of Girl Scout Cookies lying around the house that went completely untouched while we finished the Portuguese cookies.

Hailing from Portugal, these tasty cookies are, well, tasty.  EVERYONE in the family loved them.  “So crunchy!” exclaimed Carson.  “So crunchy!” exclaimed Ella, as she says whatever Carson says.  “MaahMrrmrrrmmm!” exclaimed Tate, his mouth full of cookies.

(Dearest FTC, these cookies were a purchase I made all by myself!  I’ve never even been to Portugal!  Furthermore, I’ve never conversed with any companies (PR or Princesa Assortment Biscuit makers) regarding my love for these cookies.  Okay?  Okay!)

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.

Greetings from somewhere along our way up the Cherohala Skyway!

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It’s only my favorite photo of the week because the WHOLE family is in the picture!  Unheard of!  I used my tripod and felt like a real, live photographer!  Everyone is looking at the camera, I’m pretending that Ella’s eyes are open.  You can pretend, too!

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Saturday morning, we packed some lunches and the kids into the car and drove the Cherohala Skyway from Tellico Plains, TN to Robbinsville, NC.  From there, we headed back home via the Tail of the Dragon.   The Tail of the Dragon boasts 318 curves in 11 miles.  I don’t know which was more dangerous, the road itself or the copious amounts of gas station snacks we ate that day.

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You can see my entire set of photos for my project 365 {2010} on Flickr.

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.

My family loves to be outside.  Actually, that sentence only tells part of the story, I should have said, my children love to be outside, even when it’s cold. I, on the other hand, do not really care for going outside with them when it’s cloudy and below fifty degrees.   The words, “do not really care,” aren’t 100% accurate either.  What I really meant was, I truly dislike (bordering on hate) going outside with them when it’s cloudy and below fifty degrees.

At school, Carson had made a construction paper kite that he was dying to fly.  All day I’d felt chilled, despite continuously adding layers and rubbing my hands together and announcing, “BRR!  It’s COLD!”  The outside thermometer read forty-four degrees, it was cloudy and windy, and my internal good parenting meter was running low on two (out of ten.)  I mustered up my resolve and finally agreed to go outside, but only after I tried and tried to convince Carson that it was too cold and that watching TV under a warm and cozy blanket would be way more fun than flying a kite.  Since I’m telling the whole story, I only agreed to go outside because it was an excuse to take a few shots for my 365 project.  Had I already taken THE shot of the day, I would have adamantly refused to face the cold weather and commenced a Nick Jr. marathon.

As soon as we went outside, the wind hit us in the face like a sucker punch.  Both Carson and I gasped, then held our breath as we battled our way to the yard.  “See Mommy?  It’s not that cold,” he managed to say through chattering teeth.  He began to run, his construction paper kite pretending to fly behind him.  I snapped a few shots, but hadn’t even had a chance to decide on the proper exposure when Carson stopped running.  His shoulders were hunched in an attempt to form into a tightly wound ball of warmth.

“Why don’t you run, Carson?  You’ll get warm if you run,”  I suggested.

“Uh, Mom?  I think I need to go to the bathroom.”

We made our way back into the house.  “Carson,” I said, “when you finish, we can go back outside.”  (Who AM I??)

“We’ll see,” he said, repeating my go-to phrase that really means, “no we won’t.”

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.

“GET DRESSED, Carson!”

“Please don’t eat your boogers.”

“Did you remember to wash your hands?”

“No you may not have anymore snacks, it’s almost dinnertime.”

“Carson, stop picking on your sister. One day she’s going to get you back.”

The funniest part was the screeching for help coming from the basket. Ella truly enjoyed her sweet, sweet revenge.

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.

My favorite photo of the week was a complete accident. It’s also one that I look at and sometimes think, “I ADORE this picture SO MUCH,” while other times I look at it and think, “I miss Photshop so much, it is physically painful to look at the mess I made of this photo.”

Ella has only recently started to get attached to a doll/stuffed animal/lovie. Up until a few weeks ago, she had no favorites, but now she can’t do anything without Fuzzy Bunny. This is a picture of snack time with Fuzzy Bunny. (Please pray that we can keep Fuzzy Bunny from getting lost because THE WORLD WILL END if she somehow gets misplaced. Amen.)

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Post #2

Have you all seen Team UmiZoomi? Well we in the Playgroupie household are BIG FANS. It’s probably because we’ve got mighty math powers.

Ella sings and dances along to the song at the end at the end of the show. For your viewing pleasure, please enjoy this 27 second video. If you don’t think it’s cute, then I suspect that you have you likely “have a dead fish for a heart. Good luck with that.” (Direct quote from Lotus, I am Lotus/Sarcastic Mom.)

**If you’re reading from Facebook or from a feed reader, you may have to click through to see the video.**

We all love Umi Zoomi from Playgroupie on Vimeo.

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.

Here’s the thing, I actually do know what I’m talking about when it comes to these blog tips.  I know!  I’m so conceited!  (Actually, no I’m not.)  It’s just that having blogged for over THREE WHOLE YEARS practically makes me a shawl-wearing, bespectacled, rocking chair sitting wise blog-grandmother.  There are definitely bloggers out there who’ve been at this whole online writing thing for far longer than me, but there are FAR MORE bloggers who haven’t made it beyond the first year (or even just a few months.)

I’ve considered quitting so many times for a good reasons and for immature, huffy, jealous reasons.   The writing, the commenting, the social media interaction all take up a lot of time and it’s easy to get overwhelmed, I’ve come *this close* to quitting because I felt overwhelmed and guilty when I couldn’t keep up with it all.   After three years, I do occasionally think that the most recent post I’ve written will probably be the last because there is no possible way to come up with another unique topic, yet somehow I always come up with something to say.

And then there’s the whole jealousy issue.   I know that I’m often jealous of others writing talents.  There have been times that I’ve felt bitter about the same people getting invited to all the fun things or other’s subscriber and comment numbers.  I know there are a handful of people who claim to be immune to the jealously, but I also know that I’m not the only one who has felt this way.

I have a super secret, super special way that I’ve been able to overcome all of this and still continue to blog.

IT’S ALL ABOUT YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

The end.

Okay, fine, I’ll elaborate.  (Consider yourself warned! You may need to grab a snack.  I’ll wait.)

1.  Blogging and all related activities DO take time.   The key is finding the time to do what will most benefit you and your blog.

Unless your blog IS your job, and even then, YOUR LIFE OUTSIDE OF THE COMPUTER SHOULD COME FIRST.  Don’t worry about it if you haven’t replied to every comment or visited every unread blog in your Google Reader.  There’s no need to fret if you haven’t written anything on your blog in several days, your loyal readers will still be there when you get back.

If your online, blog related time is limited, then be sure that you’re spending your time wisely.   Commenting on other’s blogs is time consuming but it is the one of THE BEST WAYS to gain readers for your own site.   Leave comments on “popular” blogs AND blogs you’ve never heard of, this is an activity very worthy of your time.  (Hint:  The popular bloggers probably aren’t trying to be jerks when they don’t reciprocate comments, they are busy JUST LIKE YOU!)

If you see no traffic from posting your links on Twitter, then don’t spend ALL of your time tweeting.  I know that I have spoken at length about StumbleUpon and what a great source of traffic it can be, however if it’s not working for you?  Then it’s a waste of your time!  Don’t bother!

Here is some more detailed information about managing your time in the blogosphere. (I’ll be updating that post soon-ish!)

2.  You will be stricken with all sorts of writing ailments including (but not limited to) writer’s block, fear of being too open and honest, super self-consciousness due to overexposure, and jealously of other’s superior writing talents

In any given week, I’ll suffer from one or ALL of these things.  EVERY BLOGGER feels this way at some point.

Whenever I feel like I’m suffering from writer’s block, I sit down at my computer and just start writing.  I write whatever is on my mind.  Occasionally I can mold a post from the words, sometimes there’s nothing to salvage, but at least I was writing.  The cure for writer’s block, for me, is NOT not writing.  Another trick that I use is to look at photos I’ve recently taken and write a post based on one of the shots.  There are also lots of sites that offer weekly memes or writing prompts that can help you get over the hump.

As your readership grows (and it WILL grow), your concerns about what and who you blog about will become a concern.   The more people that read you, the more you may become self-conscious about what you should and shouldn’t reveal.   BUT WHAT ABOUT AUTHENTICITY!?!  It seems to be a buzz word these days around blogging.  My personal ever developing philosophy about this is that I never write something that would intentionally hurt another person.  I don’t share EVERY detail of my life, but I also don’t only write smooshy, feel good posts.  I also include my mistakes and heartaches.

While at Blissdom, I attended a writer’s workshop led by Megan from Velveteen Mind, Arianne from To Think is to Create, Deb from Deb on the Rocks, and Amber from The Run A Muck.  In the session, Megan mentioned that she was listening to the audiobook, Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within (Disclosure:  Affiliate link).  The point that Megan explained that most struck me was that if there’s a writer whose work makes you crazy envious, instead of being jealous, begin to look at that writer as a teacher from whom you can learn.  Another thing that this workshop spurred within me was that in order for me to be a better writer, I have to start thinking of myself as a REAL writer, not just some pretend wanna-be that has no talent.

I realize that my style of writing isn’t everybody’s cup of tea.  My writing isn’t eloquent prose, expertly crafted with $20 words and perfect grammar.  I think that my strength is my ability to craft a story in such a way that others can relate.  It’s taken YEARS for me to recognize this strength and for me to OWN this strength.  Each one of has a writing strength.  Find it!  Not to be cliche, but find your voice and hone it.  Your writing may not be for everyone, but don’t try to write in a way that isn’t truly you.

3.  We ALL get jealous of other bloggers.

I love this tweet from @MindiCherry (Moms Need to Know)

It seems like every week there’s another top blogger list published, the same eleven bloggers have been invited on yet another fabulous trip, and you hear that another blogger has a book deal.   Maybe you wrote your heart out on your latest post and only received a few comments, you lost 100 subscribers overnight, or you don’t have as many followers as you’d like to have on Twitter.  It is HARD not to let these things get you down.  But hear this!

YOU CANNOT LET OTHER PEOPLE’S SUCCESS GET YOU DOWN!

DON’T LET YOUR STATS DEFINE YOU! (comment numbers, page views, @replies, subscriber numbers)

Sorry to shout like that, but I really need you to hear those things.  In fact, I’m going to shout them again.

YOU CANNOT LET OTHER PEOPLE’S SUCCESS GET YOU DOWN!

Most of the bloggers that seem to have what you want, whether it’s their comment numbers, perceived stats, or free trips didn’t start blogging a week ago.  They’ve been working hard for what they’ve received.   They are engaging writers, great at building their community, excellent at networking and have developed relationships with the “right” people.  Guess what?  YOU can also do those things!   It just takes time, patience, skill, and networking.

I was recently named as on of Babble’s Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  To me it was a HUGE honor, I’d never been named to a list like this one before.  But what does it really mean for me?  I’m not thinner, my boobs aren’t perkier, I’m not suddenly recognized in the grocery store by adoring fans, and I haven’t been offered a job as an Editor for a major publishing company.  I didn’t even get a trophy!  What I do get, is at least 100 more product review requests in my inbox per week now, not exactly something that makes me jump with joy.

DON’T LET YOUR STATS DEFINE YOU! (comment numbers, page views, @replies, subscriber numbers)

I’ve said before that the size of your blogging community is only as important as YOU make it.  If you have 10 loyal readers, that is AWESOME!  If you have 1,000 loyal readers, that’s AWESOME, too…not awesome-er.    The thing about stats is that there may never a number that truly satisfies you.  I’m not saying that you won’t one day have 500 or 2000 or 10,000 subscribers (or whatever your goal may be), but I am saying that even when you get to that magical number, it won’t feel as great as you thought it would.   The quest for MORE, in terms of blogging, is insatiable.

Instead of focusing on THE NUMBER, focus on your community.   Come to truly appreciate those who DO read your blog and interact with you on Twitter.  Remember your original reasons for blogging and what makes blogging fun.  I know that logging into StatCounter is NOT usually fun, but emailing back and forth with a reader can totally make your day.

Here’s a post by Megan from Velveteen Mind that speaks to not allowing your stats to define you, go read it!  I also suggest reading this post from PhD in Parenting that discusses reasons to check your stats, none of which say anything about your stats defining who YOU are.

4.   Unless you are a robot, your feelings will probably get hurt at some point.

I am honored and humbled that so many of you comment and subscribe to my blog.  Unfortunately since there are more than 25 of you, I’m just not able to read every one of your blogs.  I used to have time for reciprocating every comment, I also used to have only one child who napped twice a day and gave me four whole hours of complete, unadulterated commenting time.   These days, I’m lucky to get four hours A WEEK to devote to blogging.  It gives me the nervous tummy to think that I may have hurt someone’s feelings because they’ve been a loyal commenter and I’ve barely acknowledged their existence.

People seem to get hung up is on the perception that “popular” bloggers don’t make any time for other, smaller bloggers, that they appear to only interact with the other elite.  Perhaps this is true for some, not every blogger out there is interested in expanding their already ginormous community.   I’m not immune to the feelings of rejection by other bloggers, but I’ve stopped interacting (and even reading) many of the people that I know have little to no interest in getting to know me.  However, I suspect that most “popular” bloggers are interested in interacting with their readers, but are limited by time.

My feelings have been hurt too many times to count since I started blogging.  My most favorite blogger of all time (formerly) absolutely crushed me when, the day after I first began this Blog Tip Sharing series, she wrote about how ridiculous it was to tell other people how to blog and she just couldn’t understand why anyone cared about making their blog better.  I’ve had my feelings hurt over emails I’ve sent that have gone unanswered.  It hurts my feelings when I’ve replied a ridiculous amount of times to someone on Twitter and they’ve NEVER responded.  Sometimes when I see that someone isn’t following me back on Twitter that I think should be following me, I’ll do the quick unfollow-refollow because SURELY the fact that they aren’t following me is a mistake!

Trolls can also show up uninvited to your blog and wreak havoc.  I’ve had my fair share of trolls, they are particularly fond of my posts about Alabama.   I could shoot off indignant replies or post their IP addresses on my blog, but I’m a firm believer that if you ignore them, you take away their fuel.  There is only so much room in my brain, I simply do not have the space available to allow people full of negativity take up that space.

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I hope that this post has served as some sort of blog induced frustration therapy.  However you’re feeling, both the positive AND the negative feelings, have been felt by all of us.  It’s not easy to pour your heart out online or write sometime brilliantly funny and feel like you’re not getting noticed.  We’re bloggers!  We’re narcissistic!  If we didn’t care at all about getting some sort of accolades, we’d all be writing in a private forum.

Make the decision in your mind that you’re okay with how much time you devote to blogging, your writing abilities, and make peace with your stats and popularity status.

(I’d been working on this post for two weeks when I noticed that Loralee’s post about blogging and jealousy had been syndicated at BlogHer. I decided to go ahead and post this, even though the subject matter is so similar, I think there’s room for two parallel viewpoints.)

Previously in this series: Writing Tips, Blog Promotion and Social Networking, StumbleUpon School, Blog Design, Sidebars and Pages, Building your Community, Developing your Brand

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.

I guess I’ve slacked in this area of husband training because somehow Tate didn’t realize that I had such strong feelings against restaurant peanut butter and jelly.  As he was reading the menu choices to the kids, I was trying to get his attention with lots of throat clearing, adamantly nodding my head “NOOOOO!”, and I was shooting lasers out of my eyes into his forehead.

Sadly, the children had peanut butter and jelly for dinner and I went home covered with little jelly handprints.

©2010 Playgroups are No Place For Children. All Rights Reserved.