pomdla

Ribbit Ribbit

2011-08-01T05:28:00.009-04:00

I have been on this crazy night schedule at work for the whole month of July... 14 hours a day 5 days a week.... needless to say, it hasn't left me much time during the day to do anything except eat, shower, sleep, shower, eat, and then back to work.... in order to maintain my sanity, I try to make the most of my two days off.... trouble is, I'm usually sleepy during the day and wide awake late at night when everyone else is fast asleep.... so last Friday I decided to fight the daytime sleepiness and do something with the rest of the waking world.... anyways, this intro is getting way too long.... this post is about frogs and taking pictures of them....

I have been dying to play more with my new big boy toy, and since Friday was a rainy day in New York City, I decided to mosy on over to the American Museum of Natural History to take pictures in relative dryness.... I decided to shell out the $25 and see the "Frogs: A Chorus of Colors" exhibit.... I've been bypassing this exhibit coz I'm too cheap, but decided that I better see it before the exhibit closes on January 8, 2012....

speaking of seeing them before they're gone, I was reminded of the buzz a few years ago in the scientific community regarding the alarming rate that frogs all over the world were dying or presenting with multiple and strange deformities.... it is reported that "nearly 1/3 of the world's 6,485 species are on the brink of extinction".... find out more at savethefrogs.com

anyhoo, on to the pictures.... this is the Fire-Bellied Toad (Bombina orientalis), native to Korea, northeastern China and southeastern Russia.... sorry, can't see its fire red fire belly.... scare it and it'll probably flash you....

the Amazon Milk Frog (Trachycephalus resinifictrix), native to French Guiana, Brazil, Ecuador and the Peruvian Amazon.... with his loud call, the male will lure the female into a his water-filled tree hollow where she will lay her eggs and leave them for him to fertilize... once the babies have hatched he lures another female to lay more eggs which then serve as food for his brood....

the Waxy Monkey Frog (Phyllomedusa sauvagii), native to Argentina, Paraguay, and Bolivia.... unlike most other frogs who like it cool, these guys like it hot basking in the sun during the day and conserving body moisture by rubbing themselves with a waxy substance produced by glands in their skin.... hence the "waxy" in their name....

the Borneo Eared Frog (Polypedates otilophus), native to Borneo, Sumatra and other islands of Indonesia.... their latin name doesn't refer to ears 'coz those aren't really ears, but bony ridges.... their latin name is more descriptive of their sticky feet that make them excellent climbers....

the American Bullfrog (Lithobates catesbeianus).... actually an invasive species introduced to North America a century ago....

the Ornate Horned Frog (Ceratophrys ornata), native to Uruguay, Brazil and Northern Argentina.... these guys are not what you would call limber so they just wait and hide until food comes along and then they pounce....

the Tomato Frog (Dyscophus guineti), native to Eastern Madagascar.... are in danger because of the pet industry....

the Poison Dart Frogs.... native to Central and South America.... don't kiss these frogs, that would kill you....

the Blue Poison Frog (Dendrobates azureus)....

the Bumblebee Poison Frog (Dendrobates leucomelas)....

the Golden Poison Frog (Phyllobates terribilis).... "terrible" because it "contains enough poison to kill 20,000 mice or 10 people... it is probably the most poisonous animal on Earth..."

well, whether they're poisonous or not, and whether you think they're cute or gross.... any loss in the Earth's biodiversity is a loss we will never regain.... let's hope the diversity of the frog species does not go the way of the Dodo....

TECHNORATI TAGS: frogs

Sunset #13,879

2011-07-22T23:51:00.000-04:00

Deo gratias....

TECHNORATI TAGS: a brooklyn sunset

I'm a Baby Daddy!

2011-07-01T15:33:00.007-04:00

here's my new baby folks....

I have been bitchin' way too long that I want.... nay, NEED a DSLR.... so I figured I'll finally treat myself.... I do, after all, deserve it after surviving this past year and being promoted to another year....

now that I will be retiring it, I thought I'd say thanks to my trusty Sony Cybershot 5.1MP P&S which has served me so well for many years....
I beat it up pretty bad after 5 years, and I must say, don't discount P&S's, this little guy got me some pretty bitchin' shots....

Happy Canada Day to all the Hosers out there....

TECHNORATI TAGS: DSLR

Ground Control to Major Pom

2011-06-23T23:57:00.003-04:00

so I was watching a re-run of HIMYM the other day.... Awe.... wait for it.... some... show.... Marshall made a comment that made me think of this much neglected blog.... he said that a blog is "something that was cool, like 8 years ago".... what!? really?.... ya maybe.... and that was from an episode 2 years ago.... so that means blogging has been lame for a whole decade now?!..... ya probably....

nevertheless.... I miss this blog... posting the minutiae of my life here felt less vulgar compared to the information overload on freakin' FB.... it feels quieter here.... I think I prefer "whispering out" on my blog to the annoying FB "shout out" for my entire friend list and their friend's dogs cousins to know what I'm doing and or thinking at the moment.... man, I'm totally hating on FB right now....

anyways, I still think this place has its therapeutic value.... I have been going through my old posts through the past few years, and have found it interesting that the random travels I was hoping to document actually ended up becoming the documentation of an inner journey.... I have been reflecting over the events of the past year with a profound sense of gratitude to the Universe.... with the snap of some Divine Fingers, everything that I had been working towards, hoping for and even subconsciously longing for, became my current reality.... let's see if I still have any adventures, wanderings or ponderings left in me.... at the very least, maybe I can still post a bitchin' pic or two.... blog on peeps....

is anybody still out there?.....

TECHNORATI TAGS: blogging is dead

World Peace is Imminent!

2011-01-01T13:11:00.007-05:00

before new years eve 2010, I visited the wishing wall in Times Square and made the following wishes:

at the time, I really had no faith that any of them would come true.... but by the grace of the cosmic forces of the Universe, I am #1) living in New York, and #2) have bought the Candy shop.... #3 on the other hand is going to need some extra prompting, so this year my only wish is for:

a very Happy New Year to everyone.... all the best in 2011....

TECHNORATI TAGS: new years eve 2011 times square new york city

Sunset #13,652

2010-12-17T17:46:00.000-05:00

Deo gratias....

TECHNORATI TAGS: polo beach wedding maui

Biting the Apple in the Big Apple

2010-11-18T21:03:00.004-05:00

In response to Mel's call to revive the blogosphere, here are some everyday minutiae from my life....

I know it doesn't sound cool, but I've always been, and probably will always be a PC.... I never really understood the appeal of a Mac, and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to date myself when I say this, but I still remember them actually being called Apple Macintoshes.... back in the olden days of Commodore 64's?.... now that's a name I bet you've not heard in a long time... a long time.... does anybody else remember Apple disappearing for a while before coming back full force?.... now Apple's everywhere with all these awesome gadgets....

which brings me to my point.... I have been putting it off for a while now, but finally, I bit the Apple and got myself an iPhone... the iPhone4 to be exact... what the heck was I thinking putting it off for so long! this thing is awesome.... they're not lying when they say that there's an app for everything.... coz I think there literally is an app for everything.... there's all the useful medical references and applications that I never really use.... then there's an app where you can actually deposit checks into your bank account with your iPhone4, kinda scary.... there's an app where you can scan UPC codes and the thing will tell you what the product is and where you can get it and for how much, depending on your present location.... my iPhone4 even tells me where I should eat.... okay, no it doesn't tell me where to eat, it but it suggests restaurants in the vicinity of my present location (it's an app for Urbanspoon).... the camera on this this thing is pretty good too, I've retired my trusty Sony Cybershot... or at least I'm giving it a rest.... as you can see the iPhone takes pretty good shots.... then of course there's Shazam.... QR codes.... and have you heard about bumping?.... Oh and yeah, you can also use your iPhone to make fon calls.... awesome....

okay I gotta stop being an ad for the Apple iPhone4 now... the buying experience was pretty cool too though, coz I got it at the Apple Store on 5th Ave.... pretty cool building eh?.... it's all underground as you can see...

So anyways, I'm gonna go waste some more time playing with my iPhone4 now.... if you haven't gotten one yet, I heard there's a new one coming out soon.... I hear the new generation of iPhone will actually control the weather and cure cancer too, so maybe y'all should just wait for that one to come out.... Cheers from the Apple Store on 5th Ave!

TECHNORATI TAGS: apple store on 5th Ave

Put Your Lighters in the Air.... Let's Hear it for New York...

2010-10-11T23:11:00.003-04:00

wassup yo!.... it's been way too long since I've updated this blog.... let's just say that I was preoccupied with the shit that's been going down....

I'm happy to report, however, that the dust around me has finally settled.... and my psyche is starting to breath a sigh of relief.... so let me update y'all....

for the past few months now, I have been officially living and working in the awesomeness that is New York City!

in June of last year, I came to live here temporarily.... my short and intermittent stays cemented my desire to be part of this concrete jungle.... after all, it's where dreams are made of.... for a time, I didn't think it was going to happen anymore, but as of June of this year, I am a temporary visitor no longer.... I crossed the border to officially live here.... for the next few years anyway... and I don't think I ever want to leave....

sometimes I have to punch myself in the jaw to see if I'm really actually here.... I walked out of the local Old Navy the other day to see the Manhattan skyline in the distance.... when I went to Ikea to furnish my apartment, I had to walk through Wall Street, hop a ferry that took me past the Brooklyn Bridge, and the Statue of Liberty, then came back to be welcomed by the skyline of lower Manhattan.... it's all too surreal sometimes....

so in honour of my new home, here are just a few of the New York City scenes I've captured over the past year that I have been in and out of this Big Ass Apple...

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving Folks, from a very thankful Canadian in New York City....

TECHNORATI TAGS: new york city

Sunset #13,514

2010-07-22T23:02:00.002-04:00

Deo gratias....

TECHNORATI TAGS: a manhattan sunset

et audivi vocem Domini dicentis: "My love is over, it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between...."

2010-07-10T23:59:00.005-04:00

for all the failures, stumbles, and falls.... the defeats and disappointments.... the sorrows and broken heartedness.... the long dark storms.... the hard lessons learned....

for all the successes and getting up again.... the times of joy and healing..... the angels You send me along the way.... for the restoration of things once lost....

Deo gratias
totus tuus ego sum Domine

TECHNORATI TAGS: times

i promise to sing to you when all the music dies

2010-06-03T23:59:00.004-04:00

"YES", she responded....

TECHNORATI TAGS: marry me
POSTED IN: POUR TOI

the best is yet to come

2010-05-29T23:25:00.000-04:00

When two souls, which have sought each other for, however long in the throng, have finally found each other... a union, fiery and pure as they themselves are... begins on earth and continues forever in heaven.

This union is love, true love... a religion, which defies the loved one, whose life comes from devotion and passion, and for which the greatest sacrifices are the sweetest delights.

This is the love which you inspire in me... Your soul is made to love with the purity and passion of angels; but perhaps it can only love another angel, in which case I must tremble with apprehension.

Yours forever

~Victor Hugo
to Adele Foucher
1821

I borrow these words again for you.... it would appear that they hold truer meaning today than they did over a decade ago....

TECHNORATI TAGS: someone like you
POSTED IN: POUR TOI

non est hic surrexit enim sicut dixit

2010-04-04T10:35:00.005-04:00

keep your eyes on the Light at the end of that long dark tunnel.... It will lead you home.... hold on to your faith to get you through the rough patches.... there are better resurrections in store for those who don't give up.... just remember that behind every resurrection was a crucifixion and death.... a blessed Easter to all....

totus tuus ego sum Domine

TECHNORATI TAGS: an Easter sunrise

Sunrise #13,386

2010-03-16T22:03:00.005-04:00

dies novus ....

Deo gratias!

Still my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time
My time has come
Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know which way I've come

Hold my head inside Your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For You I've waited all these years
For You I'd wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say You'll come and set me free
Just say You'll wait, You'll wait for me

In Your tears and in Your blood
In Your fire and in Your flood
I hear You laugh, I heard You sing
I wouldn't change a single thing
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know what I've become

For You I'd wait 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say You'll come and set me free
Just say You'll wait, You'll wait for me
Just say You'll wait, You'll wait for me
Just say You'll wait, You'll wait for me

"Til Kingdom Come"
~ Coldplay

Then Job answered the LORD and said:

I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be hindered.
I have dealt with great things that I do not understand; things too wonderful for me, which I cannot know.
I had heard of you by word of mouth, but now my eye has seen you.
Therefore I disown what I have said, and repent in dust and ashes.

the LORD restored the prosperity of Job, after he had prayed for his friends; the LORD even gave to Job twice as much as he had before.
Then all his brethren and his sisters came to him, and all his former acquaintances, and they dined with him in his house. They condoled with him and comforted him for all the evil which the LORD had brought upon him; and each one gave him a piece of money and a gold ring.
Thus the LORD blessed the latter days of Job more than his earlier ones.

Job lived a hundred and forty years; and he saw his children, his grandchildren, and even his great-grandchildren.
Then Job died, old and full of years.

from the Book of Job
chapter 42, verses 1-6, 10-12, and 16-17

totus tuus ego sum Domine!

TECHNORATI TAGS: a new york city sunrise
FOLLOW UP TO THIS POST: Sunrise #13,021

Don't Worry NY, I Only Like Boston As a Friend

2010-03-11T23:57:00.009-05:00

Road trip people!
Boston is only a four hour drive from New York City, so we decided to drive up for the weekend.... the last time I went to Boston was for a high school trip.... and to avoid dating myself, let's just say that was a long time ago....

Let's start our tour at Fenway.... home of the arch-rivals of the NY Yankees.... the Boston Red Sox....

Then there's Harvard University....

and some Boston architecture....

Boston Common....

Headquarters of The Church of Christ, Scientist.... I learned that Christian Science has nothing to do with Scientology.... d'oh, did anybody else think they were the same thing?....

Lots of historical stuff.... sorry, I'm not really in a tour guide mood at the moment.... but here's Larry Bird's shoes, "Union Oyster House" the oldest restaurant in the United States, the Old State House, and Faneuil Hall, the cradle of American Independence....

Alright, more on Beantown later....

TECHNORATI TAGS: boston

I AM!

2010-03-01T21:23:00.017-05:00

I've been representin' in NYC! Couldn't be home in Canada for that epic hockey show down last night, so to celebrate Team Canada's awesome defeat of Team USA in OT, I have been wearing my red mittens, raising them in the air, and waving them like I just don't care, all over Manhattan.... did I mention it's too hot to be wearing mittens?.... but like I said... I just don't care....

aside from waving them all over Times Square, here they are at Bryant Park.... Hi Empire State Building!....

here they are at Rockefeller Center.... sup Prometheus....

here they are with Atlas, and the traffic on 5th Ave.... hey Atlas, need a hand....

not only did Canada finally win a gold medal on Canadian soil, but our athletes won 14 gold medals on Canadian soil.... that was more gold medals than any other nation, and the most gold medals won by any nation in the history of Winter Olympics.... Canada also ranked 3rd in the overall medal count.... what?!.... Great job Team Canada!

with glowing hearts an entire nation is proud of y'all, and proud to be Canadian....

TECHNORATI TAGS: red mittens in manhattan

Back On Track

2010-02-25T22:01:00.004-05:00

Okay folks, let me get back to regular programing here.... what the heck have I been doing with my sorry existence aside from torturing myself with secret cathartic love letters you ask?.... I've been running a lot for one thing.... living several blocks from Central Park is awesome.... it gives me the motivation to finally stick with the on-again, off-again relationship I've had for years, with my running shoes.... it's just so much more interesting to run in Central Park than it is to run on a treadmill.... so, let me share with you some of the scenes from my frequent runs since I came to New York....

As you can see from the map (well, if you click it that is, it's kinda small), there are plenty of paths dedicated to runners in Central Park....I have a thing for running around in circles, so I usually stick to running around the Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis Reservoir (the big blue blob in the middle).... BTW, I hear that she's very beautiful, but that she rarely comes out of the water....

the map says that it covers a distance of 1.58 miles.... I try to do at least 3 laps when I'm out there, so that's about 5 miles... okay fine, 4.74 miles.... but that doesn't include the mile I walk to get to the reservoir and the mile I walk back home from the reservoir.... hey, it's a start.... unfortunately, my flat feet really do a number on my medial collaterals.... man it sucks to get old.... anyways, the Reservoir path takes you past the Guggenheim and the Metropolitan Museum of Art, among other sights and sounds....

I actually run for several reasons.... I've been trying to get rid of that pesky lower abdominal fat that started to accumulate after a certain age, which I decline to specify so I don't date myself.... but more importantly I'm trying to improve my insulin resistance.... I have a strong family history of DM type 2 so I'm trying to implement some lifestyle modifications to stave off the inevitable.... maybe it won't have to be inevitable?.... and of course there are the cardiovascular health benefits as well.... also, I was inspired by the runners in the New York City Marathon back in early November.... if a little 80-something year old blind lady can run it, then I can get off my lazy ass and condition myself to run it too.... you have to qualify to run in the NYC Marathon though, so I better get my ass in gear.... either that or take my chances with the lottery....

well, it's been raining and now snowing here in NYC, so it looks like the treadmill for me tonight.... I wish y'all plenty of healthy lifestyle modifications from the Reservoir in Central Park....

TECHNORATI TAGS: the reservoir, central park

to pom's immortal beloved

2010-02-14T00:00:00.005-05:00

I had started to believe that maybe those were your tears of a final goodbye.... the final goodbye I had been dreading.... maybe it came and I didn't even realize it.... maybe you were bowing out and running away.... but soothing my pain with words of hope.... at least I got to see you one last time, as how I remembered you.... but then again, maybe that's not the last memory of you I'll have to cling to after all....

still, some of my demons are fighting me to come out.... remnants of them linger despite my many attempts at exorcism.... the one called doubt erodes my faith.... faith in you.... faith in myself.... faith in us.... faith in a loving Hand.... faith that what is best for all involved will come to pass.... the demon called fear taunts me with my every attempt at courage.... the one called grudge whispers the stories of past errors in my ear.... reminding me that I may have become that which I hated most.... the demon called self-loathing tells me that I was, and will probably always just be second for you....

"please pray" you told me.... I must cling to my better angels now.... before they abandon me again.... they remind me that although I was only number two, you will always be my number one.... they show me the love you inspire in me.... a love that persists despite the years that pass, despite the anger and pain, despite the doubts and fears.... a love that inspires in me the Spirit of forgiveness which can come only from Above.... a love that looks on tempests and is never shaken.... a love that bears it out even to the edge of doom....

it is a love however, whose power gives me the strength to watch you walk away.... away from me and towards your own life of bliss.... it tells me not to cage that which should not be caged.... to find satisfaction in watching you fly in your own green meadow rather than in the enclosure of my making.... it shows me happiness in your happiness, and not mine.... this is how I will always love you....

ever thine,
pomdla

TECHNORATI TAGS: moonlight sonata
POSTED IN: POUR TOI

Happy 2010!

2010-01-01T03:33:00.008-05:00

TECHNORATI TAGS: new year's eve 2010, new year's eve 2010 countdown, new year's eve 2010 times square, new york city
WHERE'D I TAKE THESE FROM?: 7th Ave. and 56th St.

Apology to my Blogger Friends

2009-12-31T03:00:00.005-05:00

Dear Blogger Friends,

Please excuse some of my latest posts. The ones whose titles are not properly capitalized? They're just emotional diarrhea that I need to expel in order to relieve the pain in my gut. They're really meant for myself and one other person who's probably not even reading them. I just need a vessel of catharsis and my blog is one of the best things I can think of for that purpose. Like I told GG, it's going to end sadly, so don't even bother following it. If you get an update from me, and it's all in lowercase, ignore it. Unless of course you're a sadomasochist, and enjoy watching someone suffering.... then by all means hehe....

pomdla

TECHNORATI TAGS: apology

New Year Wishes

2009-12-31T02:55:00.004-05:00

I headed to Times Square to visit the wishing wall on Monday.... on New Year's Eve these wishes will be incorporated into the confetti that will shower Times Square at midnight....

I made three wishes... #1) for more New York.... I wanna stay in this friken awesome city until I get sick of it... which would be like in.... never! #2) strong teeth to deal with all the candy I've been eating.... I'm more than willing to lose all my teeth already just so that I'll get over this unhealthy addiction.... and #3) World Peace.... ya right, like that'll ever happen.... dream on folks, that's what the new year (and NYC) is for.... add your new year wishes to the Times Square Wishing Wall here.... who knows, maybe I'll catch it as it descends into Times Square on New Year's eve?

the sweet young lady who was pinning up everybody's wishes on the wall made a comment to me that she was going to be in a whole bunch of people's holiday photos.... nevermind that I said, try blogs, flickr and a little thing called facebook?.... damn these internets, is that thing still around anyway?.... so here you go sweetheart, Happy New Year to you....

there was even a replica of the Times Square New Year ball....

unfortunately, my flight did not arrive in time for me to make it to the "Good Riddance Day" festivities....

on Monday, a dumpster, shredder and sledge hammer were available at Fr. Duffy Square for everyone to get rid of any old baggage, memories or what not before the new year arrives.... I found a regular old rubbish bin and threw out some old candy that I found in my pocket.... it had been there for too long and was starting to melt into the fabric of my pocket.... that can't be healthy.... I feel ready to welcome 2010.... look out for me on t.v.!

Happy New Year folks!

TECHNORATI TAGS: times square wishing wall

hold on hold tight, make it through another night

2009-12-30T23:10:00.000-05:00

"what do you want of me" you asked.... I want your faith.... I need your faith.... I am consumed by my fears and my doubts.... I need to believe in the magic that once surrounded our life.... the path was clearly marked back then.... the signs were big and bright, and we could never miss them.... you have opened my eyes again to that magic.... or is it that that magic only exists when you're around.... I feel it in waves and waves of neuro-transmission throughout my being....

someone once told me that I would be lost without you.... I knew even back then that he was right.... but I never knew how difficult it would be.... to be lost without you.... but finding you again now, and knowing that you've found me too, is almost as hard....

tell me your fears and doubts.... I can't promise you that I can make them all go away.... but I can promise you that I will always be there to share the burden.... I'm sorry if I've made your burdens heavier by opening your eyes.... whatever little faith I have left is yours....

as for me, I will follow the path you light.... I'm still unsure as to which direction to go, but what I do know is that you give my existence purpose.... I'm not so lost when you're around.... take my hand and we can feel our way out of this darkness together.... please hang in there for me....

TECHNORATI TAGS: breath in breath out
POSTED IN: POUR TOI

but i stood and said goodbye

2009-12-30T23:09:00.005-05:00

"nostalgia's thick as the August air" you sang to me.... "old conversations begin again".... you certainly transported me back to another time.... the smiles are the same, I hear the songs in the background like they were new again.... it's like I never left.... actually, that was not entirely your doing.... homie says I need to stop living in the past.... but I just can't help myself.... it just feels so right there.... with you....

when this song was new, and I first heard it, I feared its words.... I feared that if I let you go, I would lose you.... but I was willing to do so, to avoid being caught in the cross-fire.... unfortunately, we both know that I was wounded in that cross-fire.... I've finally healed now.... eventually I did end up losing you.... but it wasn't from holding on to you so tightly.... I was holding so tightly to my pain and anger.... I've finally let those go....

you're not "the one that got away".... don't put his thoughts into my head.... please don't turn me into him.... you're the one I let go but never really left.... you've always been there, no matter what I do to get away.... you're the one that haunts me.... haunts me with the way you cared.... with the way you understood.... with the way you gave of yourself to me like to no one else.... you are "the one".... you are the love of my life....

it's true.... you are the love of my life.... and I would be a fool to not give it one more try.... no matter how small the window that's been opened is.... I would, however, also be a fool to believe in my happy endings.... I just don't have that kind of faith anymore.... but maybe you still do....

TECHNORATI TAGS: butterfly
POSTED IN: POUR TOI

they broke the mold when you came in this world

2009-12-30T23:08:00.002-05:00

ce jour est pour toi.....

bon fête....

je t'adore pour toujours....

et tu me manques beaucoup....

gawd I know it's so old and so boy-band....

but it was new when we were new....

and that line gets me every time....

TECHNORATI TAGS: (God must have spent) a little more time on you
POSTED IN: POUR TOI

don't let me go

2009-12-30T23:07:00.000-05:00

this is killing me more.... my pretty little bubble burst too soon.... radio silence with you is way harder than I anticipated.... especially after being spit out of that awesome whirlwind with you.... thankfully, I have this blog into which I can blow my chunks so I don't get your pretty little dress all dirty.... I feel like maybe I'm slipping away from you already.... gawd I hope not.... I hope you ache for me as much as I ache for you.... probably not though.... I should face reality....

I know I said that I would remove you from my list.... but I just can't do it.... aside from that, a few messages, and four conversations.... it's all I have left of you to cling to.... my only connection to you after years of disconnect.... I read them over and over again trying to see if I misinterpreted anything.... I know I know, I over analyze....

"have a little faith" you said.... I remember the days when you used to tell me that I would pull you up, into Heaven.... I think the tables have turned.... I need you to pull me up now.... maybe you will help to restore my faith completely....

or maybe you will give me the bitch slap that I need to finally move on.... if that's even possible.... I've stopped believing in happy endings.... happy endings for me anyway.... either way, be well.... I miss you more than ever....

TECHNORATI TAGS: never say never
POSTED IN: POUR TOI