#PorchSwingLife

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 23:17:00 +0000

I'm not sitting on my porch swing.
I'm not in Chicago.

It's 6:12 pm in Lewiston, Maine and I'm sitting on the dock of my Dad's lake cottage, on the calming waters of No Name Pond.It's so peaceful but my mind is so chaotic. I'm trying to shut it off for a few to just enjoy rest, peace, calm...peace. I have had a few moments like that today on this white crocheted hammock that hugs me like a child hugging his Mom after a long tour in Iraq. I just lay on the hammock, slowly rocking left...right...left...right. The sun is peeking through the trees to give me a moment of its warmth before hiding again and letting the breeze cool me down. It was a game of tag and I was "it." Dad and Willow are preparing the camp for visitors tomorrow, burning pine needles in the fire pit. The smell of a camp fire pleases me so. The combination of fresh air and camp fire does something to my soul - until I am overwhelmed with a cloud of smoke attacking me like a bear attacks its prey. I cough. We all laugh...and I go back to rocking on the hammock...right...left...right...

I stare at the sky through the trees and wonder "how can I have more of this in my life?" Such a difference from the city that has been ripping and draining the life out of me lately. The contrast is like black and white - exact opposites...just like the tension I feel as I try to decide what to do with my future. How do I I do what I love and am most passionate about (city) AND be who I love at this exact moment (Maine)? Black and white worlds - but God reminds me: "My baby girl, you ARE black and white - in birth and in the way you live and love - best of both worlds. I provide you with both to run to anytime you want, anytime you need. You long for Maine now because you are weary, tired, stressed - so I give it to you. After awhile, you will get anxious to do something to change the world (city) - so I give that to you too. I am not the God of "either," "or" but the God of "and," "both," "all." I desire to give all to you."

I put my pen down as tears roll down my face...and just listen...

a duck keeps quacking

the water is rippling

the pontoon boat slightly hits the deck due to the rippling waters

the crickets are getting ready for their night's performance

my Dad and his wife of ___ years are laughing together

the family across the lake are calling the kids in for dinner, one resisting with tears

gun shots and its echos 1 second later (gun range?) and traffic (a reminder?)

I hear God.

Clearly He hears me too.

#HammockLife #KissOnMyForeheadFromGod #SelfCare

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 20:48:00 +0000

Its 1:39 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing enjoying the most perfect weather God could create. The breeze kisses my cheek like a giddy girlfriend who kisses her new man. It feels good. It makes me smile like I was blessed with a surprise gift. I needed something today considering my morning was a struggle of depression, tears and a bed that refused to set me free. I fought and eventually forced myself to throw one foot on the floor next to the bed. It was a start. Hours later, I'm on my porch swing reading "The Shot Caller", a story of a Latino gangbanger who escaped a violent life to a new life in Christ. My heart is breaking for this man's childhood story. I find my soul fighting...maybe today isn't the day to be reading such an intense book... but I'm needing a story of hope today. As I sit and enjoy the Sunday neighborhood silence, the kisses of the wind, the little girl who rode by on her bike squealing hello, I hear a lady inside her house yelling at the top of her lungs at her child...so loud, I can make out the words. All I can think is, "Why are people so angry in this world?" I just want to invite her to sit with me on my porch swing, close her eyes, breathe and let God kiss her forehead. Then I am reminded, not everyone seeks to be healed. Not everyone tries to escape the darkness within themselves... but there is a God that offers himself in many ways, such as a beautiful summer day or a favorite movie to watch while curled up in bed. We all have pain. We all have struggles... and we all have the opportunity to be loved, seen and kissed by a God who is in the breeze, the house across the street or the darkness of depression. Today, as I fight, I don't want the breeze to stop because right now, it is the breath I can't seem to breathe myself...it cools my face as tears roll down it reminding me, though I feel lonely, I am never alone. I smile as I blow kisses back to my Daddy from his baby girl. #PorchSwingLife #KissOnMyForeheadFromGod #SelfCare #Chicago

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 05 Aug 2019 02:01:00 +0000

It's 8:31 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing listening to the orchestra of cicadas. As soon as I sat down, it got quiet... then one cicada got loud. It was as if she was directing the choir. Slowly, a few began to sing, then others joined in. The volume getting louder and louder. They seemed to drown out the noise of the booming cars, police sirens, kids playing, dogs barking. Loud. Loud. Louder.... but as I sit here, I notice no one is paying attention to the music. Life is carrying on with no thought to the sounds of the city. It reminds me of a city, a country crying out with bloodshed pouring down the city drain and no one really stopping to listen to the cries. More thoughts and prayers. But who is stopping to listen to the choir of loud cries?

As I sit with the cicadas, embracing the song, I not only listen but I sing and cry too. #PorchSwingLife #KissOnMyForeheadFromGod

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 02:35:00 +0000

It's 9:11 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing because it is a perfect summer evening, weatherwise. It's cool. The air is fresh. There is a slight breeze whispering in the trees. But it's loud, very loud. Kids screaming. Fireworks blasting. Trains rolling by. Music bumping in cars. Police sirens everywhere. Grown adults screaming and fighting. A teenager on the phone working so hard for that girl to ask him over. Tonight is not a peaceful evening on my porch swing. But as I sit here wishing these kids would stop screaming to the right of me, I look to the left of me and what do I see? Tons and tons of fireflies. They are lighting up the empty field that is filled with trash because nobody cares about the beauty of the land. And they just keep lighting up. Two lights here, Five Lights there, One light hete, 10 more over there. It's so beautiful that all I can do is smile. I smile because it's a sign of something special. They only come out when the seasons transition. It's the first night that I've seen them this year. And they don't stop being a light in that empty field. Then God reminds me that's what he has called us to do. There are desolate places that don't look like much of anything. They look uncared for, unkept, ignored. But that's where the fireflies choose to fly tonight and give light to. It brings Beauty to that empty field.

Where is God calling you to be a light in a desolate place? To be Beauty in a place that is often ignored? And just like the Firefly, will you just keep glowing and glowing?

"Daddy thank you so much tonight that the Firefly was Beauty for me on such a hard day."

"You're welcome baby girl. Just a reminder of what I've called you to be. You know what it means to be in darkness and how much a ittle bit of light can pull you out of it. I will never leave you in darkness and the fireflies we're just my simple reminder to you."

#PorchSwingLife #SelfCare #KissOnMyForeheadFromGod

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:36:00 +0000

A day on my porch swing... this is life.

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:08:00 +0000

Its 9:04 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing. It's humid. It's raining. The air is thick. Normally, I would not be sitting out here but I just made a Father's Day video for my Daddy and am pretty emotional. So I had to go to my place of peace, my porch swing. While I'm sitting here, God started singing to me. That's right! The church bells are ringing! I sit here so excited... and so bummed at the same time. I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THE DAILY BELLS! How could I? That's how #PorchSwingLife started! I even used to set my alarm so I wouldn't miss it... and it's been so long, I forgot. All I can do is close my eyes, smile...and listen to the song. Hearing it seems to bring me right back to the time where I was so focused and centered. It triggered feelings of peace and joy. Then God reminded me how often we get so distracted, we easily forget - and take for granted - the simple things in life that give us life. We get so consumed with filling in the emptiness of our souls by doing, by buying, by numbing, by pretending that we forget to just be... be still... still enough to listen and hear... still enough to feel.... still enough to rest while he is singing... in my case, he sings everyday at 9:00 pm and I've been missing his sweet serenades... and I need to relearn what it means to just be his baby girl.

Back to the basics.
Alarm has been set again.
I will meet you at 9:00 pm on the porch swing Daddy... to be.
Just be.

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 23:05:00 +0000

Its 5:29 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing. Thunder. Lightening. Torrential Rain. Loud rain drops banging on the top of cars. The dry ground thanking the rain gods for quenching it's thirst. The flowers gearing up to bloom brighter. People yelling and running using whatever they have to cover their heads as they seek dry shelter. Little kids screaming every time thunder sneaks up and roars! and me...the only one on her street, swinging back and forth watching it all. And it's not normal rain...it's flood rain. It's the rain pounding so hard, it's louder than the Green line train that just passed. It's coming down so hard, you can see it in color.

This is what my inner self feels like today...for months actually. Tumultuous. Intense. Longing. Hard, soft, hard again.

And then God reminds me, rain, as inconvenient and troublesome as it can be, is also cleansing... it is cooling off Chicago after such a hot and humid day... it's feeding the earth so it can keep growing... it's giving free car washes to those who don't take time to wash them...it's also giving you peace and quiet on your block to think of Me.

"I did pray for that yesterday, huh Daddy? That I could sit out here without all the neighbors yelling, music blasting, air smelling like kush... but some quiet on my porch swing?"

"You did baby girl. There will always be noise...even on the inside of you. Seek the noise that brings you peace. Seek my voice in the trees, the wind...and today, in the rain."

"I could get used to this noise Daddy. Rain some more please."

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Sun, 11 Jun 2017 05:22:00 +0000

It's 10:07 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing. I've been inside all day because anyone that knows me knows I loathe heat...the icky sticky uncomfortable burning sensation brings out an attitude in me I'm not fond of. Today was predicted to be 94 degrees. Fate was decided for me. As I laid trying to go to bed, something was drawing me to my porch swing. Probably a desperate need for comfort. I anticipated it would be loud, muggy, humid, still stale air... but my City greeted me with unexpected kisses! A cool breeze that didn't stop making music with the rustling leaves. The breeze that brought my heavy spirit to life. The breeze is getting stronger and stronger. It feels like a dance sequence that first asks me to dance, slowly walking to the middle of the floor, then finding our rhythm together until we connect and steal everyone's attention. This cool breeze was like a blind date that was love at first sight, unexpected and beautiful. I don't want it to end. I close my eyes, the street is quiet other than the trees and leaves singing, i swing back and forth as my hair blows in my face and my tshirt does the wave from being puffed up. This. Is. Heaven. Not what I was expecting. What if I had missed this because I thought it would be different? What if I let my hatred of heat block me from wind's love for me?

And then God reminded me.... "Baby girl, life is full of unexpected moments. Life can change in an instant, in a moment. But I will always draw you to moments of peace in this crazy journey of life unexpected...if you listen."

"But Daddy, sometimes listening is scary because I don't know what to expect. Sometimes you ask too much."

"And that's why I long to give you these moments of peace.... more and more as we go...now shhhhhh...close your eyes, feel my wind kisses on your cheek...and trust me."

"OK Daddy...can you smother me please? "

And in this moment, the wind fiercely started blowing...blowing kisses.

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Tue, 04 Oct 2016 21:09:00 +0000

It's 3:28 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing for the first time in weeks, maybe months. With all the traveling, hot weather, rain and just plain exhaustion, I have not been visiting my dear "friend" porch swing like I've wanted to. It feels oddly weird to sit here and feel calm, peaceful, disconnected to all the craziness of my life. To sit and pray. To be quiet. To close my eyes, inhale fresh air deeply and exhale stress and toxic thoughts. To feel the cool kisses of wind on my skin and face. To sip my sweet tea (I mean, this is exactly why it was created - for moments like this). My mind keeps going back to my to do list inside the house but God keeps bringing me back to the porch, the quiet.

"Just be in this moment baby girl. Enjoy my peace. Embrace my refreshment. So not be distracted from the hubbub and haste of life. Where you feel breathless and spent, sit in my stillness, in my healing."

How could I deny such love? The one thing I desire the most. A love that comforts, heals and sits with me in the chaos of my soul, the restlessness of my spirit, the anxiety of an unknown future. A love that sees me, knows the depths of me and still says You are the apple of my eye.

The wind keeps blowing. It's non stop. It feels refreshing, free...and then, right in my moment of silence, two teenagers starting yelling and screaming at each other. They won't stop. Reminds me of this battle we live in... Tension vs. Peace. Chaos vs. Peace. We can't escape the chaos but we can fight for moments of peace.

Thank you Daddy for today's moment.

Baby girl, thank you for pressing to take care of your spirit.

#PorchSwingLife #SelfCare #KissOnForeheadFromGod

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 03:04:00 +0000

It's 9:06 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing in this cool summer evening in the hood. As exhausted as my body feels, I was drawn to come and sit with God before I called it a night. I just had to pause as God sent me a hug in the sounds of the rustling leaves in the trees kissing my face with a cool breeze. It sounded like love saying "Stop writing... listen... feel... breathe in... it was as if the leaves were clapping, rejoicing, welcoming the breeze that visited my space and made me stop everything. I think about all I have to do this week and my mind is like a hamster on a wheel (I wonder how they keep running and not get worn out). Not sure how I'm going to do it all... so I take this time, this moment to be silent and still on my porch swing. God reminds me that this moment is the only moment guaranteed. Tomorrow will take care of itself, so will Tuesday, Wednesday and so forth. But in THIS moment, feel it all. Hear it all. Don't think beyond this moment. We live in a world where we're always waiting for something - an email, a status like, a bill, a phone call, a paycheck, an answer.... but do we ever just sit in the moment and say, this is all I need and want...and everything else will be OK?

"Daddy, can we just have 30 more minutes of 'just this' moments tonight?"

"There you go again baby girl. .." as another cool breeze hits my face

"Dangit! It's a discipline I gotta learn. Sorry..." As I close my eyes and feel the love and grace of THIS moment.

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Sun, 31 Jul 2016 01:46:00 +0000

It's 7:57 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing (for the 4th time time today) as the demon of heatwaves gives us a break from the torture and God blesses us with perfect weather - 72 degrees with a breeze. Tonight there is a sound of joy on my block. The house across the street is blasting old school jams - MY old school from Diana Ross to Biggie to LeVert and the Jacksons (Dancing Machine). I am jamming! I see a group of black teenagers laughing and throwing a football, not gang signs. My 80 year old neighbor greets me and we laugh and reminisce about the old days. A tall black teen boy walks by my house. As I do with everyone, I say hello. He smiles huge and we converse. As he keeps walking, he stops turns around and says "That made me feel good," as he clutched his heart and smiled. You made my day, he said. "So glad I could!" I said. How I am feeling right now is a one-eighty from the heaviness and depression I have been battling these past two days, even this morning when I woke up. When I struggle, I tend to isolate myself. I don't want to be bothered. I don't want to be around people...when the truth is, it's always being around people that brings me out - whether it's a hug, a smile or a simple, light-hearted conversation. As I sit here jamming to "I Just Wanna Be Close To You" old school jam, God reminds me that He does too. He reminds me we can't get through darkness alone. He came to give us life - He already endured death for us. It is in his death that we have life, it is in community that we find healing. Community that pulls us out - and in...whether they know your struggle or not. As much as I have said I don't like my new block, I am now beginning to fall in love with my street. Tonight I don't need church bells. Tonight I had a joyful community .‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 03:12:00 +0000

It's 9:23 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing as the crackling sound of wood when I sit says to me "where have you been?" I took a very deep breathe and exhaled a loud "Yeeessss." But the very minute I exhaled, I was overwhelmed by all the sounds. All at one time: tons of police sirens, ambulance sirens, helicopters flying above me, people yelling loudly, police horns, loud backyard party, kids screaming, a car alarm going off, the Green Line zipping by on the tracks, car driving by playing trap music so loud it felt like my porch swing was dancing from the vibrations. "Whoa Lord!" I said out loud. I've never been that overwhelmed with so much loudness on my porch swing before. ...but then I thought, "This has been my life for the past two weeks - nonstop movement, constant emotional rollercoaster, and an overwhelming weariness...all at the same time ." In light of the past weeks, it seems the racial tension, police brutality, murders of law enforcement and everything that came with it was extra heavy for our country this time. It felt different...it took my emotions and spirit through a different process I wasn't prepared for it...and I had to take notice. I've been invited to many conversations this last week to discuss it and have had to turn them all down because I'm not ready...not that I don't have something to say, not that I don't want to engage... I. Just. Can't...and I feel guilty about that. I feel weak, sad that I'm not strong enough right now to engage. But as I sit here, God reminds me that even Jesus needed to take a break, go away alone to pray and be restored...and that is what actually made him strong...AND stronger. God reminded me it takes real soldiers to recognize their limitations and step away if needed - so they can keep doing the work. "But also Baby Girl, it shows you trust Me to be Your healer and to know, with or without you, I got this."

"I know Daddy...you don't need me. "

"But I do choose to use you. In your weakness, I'm made strong. "

"Then You are REALLY strong right now!."

"And isn't that what you need?"

"Yes, Daddy it is."

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 03:35:00 +0000

It's 9:57 pm here in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing and I didn't come out here tonight for any kind of peace and quiet. It's July 3rd. The time in Chicago when the City is at its loudest. I hear EVERYTHING from backyard parties to police sirens, from rare sounds of children laughing to the normal sounds of the Green line passing by, from heart attack sounding fireworks on my street to the church bells from afar, the aroma of burgers on a charcoal grill to the burning smell of fireworks (or gun powder). Tonight, many are celebrating while others are mourning. Many are sharing these moments with friends and family while others are alone and hurting. No, I didn't come out here tonight for peace and quiet. I came out here to hear the heartbeat of my city...to hear it breathe...to hear LIFE in a city that deals with so much death. I sit here and take all the noise in. I notice they knocked out all the street lamps again on my whole block. It's pitch black, like a hurricane came through...but as I look around there are lightening bugs everywhere. I smile as God reminds me again of my call to be a Light in a kid's Darkness. The juxtaposition of life is always joy and pain, together and alone, light and dark. May we never just seek to stand by and just listen and watch but embrace the experience of life in every way it comes to us...and at us. May our senses never become numb but always aware and ready to move. Where do you see life in spite of death in your life?

"I hear life all around me Daddy. I like all the noise tonight."

"That's because there is peace in your heart Baby Girl...even in spite of the pain." ‪#‎RIPKikito‬

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Thu, 30 Jun 2016 17:01:00 +0000

It's 6:19 pm in Chicago. I am sitting on my porch swing, not because I have time. Not because I want to... but because I locked my keys in the house. I was in such a rush that I simply walked right past them. Rush. Rush. Rush. Been that kinda day...that kinda week....that kinda month. I called my mentee who had a set of keys (and just so happens to live upstairs). She was as Target but willing to come back to the house...she'll get here in probably 30 minutes.

My first thought: "Amy, you're such an idiot!"

Second thought, "You have so much to do!"

Third thought, "Now you have to wait stupid."

God's thought: You NEED to wait...to breathe...to slow down...even if I have to force you. I made today's weather perfect, it's your kind of weather- cool, breezy. It's quiet, peaceful... AND you have a porch swing. SIT DOWN Baby Girl. BREATHE Baby Girl. ENJOY this moment of nothing to do but sit."

My fourth thought (as I'm tearing now): "Thanks Daddy. I needed this desperately."

"I know Baby Girl...ya tu sabe nena."

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Tue, 14 Jun 2016 02:41:00 +0000

It's 8:51 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing an emotional wreck trying to hold together everything I am feeling from my trip today to Statesville prison. Sitting in a non air-conditioned room with 12 inmates, most serving life sentences, sharing our lives together. The stories. The brilliance. The regret. The vulnerability. The knowledge. The voices of pain, the acceptance of their way of life. The resilience. Sitting with a young man who is serving 150 years to life and hearing his struggle of accepting the fact that he did the work of a college student...and to celebrate him together. To have the gentleman ask me how THEY can help me in my ministry to reach kids on the street. To see their heart and love for God in such a deep, real connection - more real than most Christians I know. The way they welcomed me into their community, even though I was a stranger...and they really listened to me, celebrated how God uses me. I was humbled to be in their presence. It felt more like church than most churches I've attended. That is what I long for. As I sit here with the church bells playing, God reminds me this Christian walk is much bigger than a building, a worship service and a well rehearsed sermon. It's community with others who don't need a stage or a title. It's a community seeking love, truth, forgiveness and a place to celebrate each others humanity and stories. I've always known this. It's my mission in life but today, I saw God. Today I was inspired. Today I saw God's creations not inmates. Today changed my heart...again.‪ #‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 04:33:00 +0000

It's 6:03 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing letting my freshly painted toes (pep plum colored) and wet curly hair air dry in this beautiful breeze. The hood feels strangely different...but a great strange. I think Sundays are my favorite days. It's reminiscent of my childhood... quiet, serene, peaceful. Everyone getting ready for work or school. Just a beautiful day in my neighborhood. Even despite the massacre in Orlando, the weekly massacres in Chicago that don't get the same attention, my soul feels contently blessed. Not many understand how you can grieve and mourn and still considered yourself blessed. God reminds me, with a sweet gentle breeze, life will always come with deep moments of sorrow and pain. The blessing is you're not alone. The blessing is you're here to experience all that life offers. In the breeze and the storm, I AM. On a day when I am in my head too much, your breezes are kisses to my forehead saying "Baby girl, be still and enjoy my love." "OK Daddy" I say in a baby voice as I close my eyes and shut down my brain. "OK Daddy."
‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Fri, 10 Jun 2016 15:56:00 +0000

JUNE 8, 2016

It's 9:05 pm in Chicago. I am sitting on my porch swing wrapped in my favorite red blanket my mom gave me years ago. It's cold outside and I forgot to wear socks but I don't want to leave my swing just yet. I'll deal with the cold. Warm them up later. I rushed to hear the church bells and just barely caught them. So many noises, I could barely hear it. When the bells stopped, so did the noise. But then another song started playing...the ice cream truck song - over and over, never ending. It was far away but now it's one street over making its way to me. In this moment, God reminds me, though it's not the song I wanted to hear, He still provides music to fill the air with joy...but also as a proclamation. Ice cream truck music plays, not to entertain us, but to let us know they're close by and their coming in our direction. We run inside to get our money, our taste buds go crazy and then we wait for it to get to us to satisfy our longing. I have a longing or two Lord. My taste buds are craving and I got my pocket change. I sit here waiting for my "ice cream"...waiting for you to satisfy my soul.
#‎PorchSwingLife‬‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Wed, 08 Jun 2016 15:47:00 +0000

It's 8:47 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing in the cool off the night. It's loud tonight. Police sirens nonstop. Tons of helicopters. My place of peace cannot seem to provide that for me tonight. I am in desperate need of peace. Of quiet. Of rest. I just left a vigil of the one year death date of a young man who died too soon to gang violence. The weight of my city, the violence is heavy. My soul has been wailing for weeks and it seems to take more strength to hold it together than to release the flood of emotions...the flood that has the potential to drown me. Sirens.Helicopters.Horns. Trains.Yelling. Waiting for the church bells. Waiting. I need to hear You OVER the noise. It is then that God reminds me, though the waiting can bring the most anxiety, it also brings the most power. Calming your soul is a practice...a discipline. Noise will always compete for your peace. You pressed to meet Me here...wait for it...waaaiiittt for it. Then I heard the bells and it was as if it was the only thing my soul heard. ‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Tue, 31 May 2016 02:54:00 +0000

It's 9:09 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing and tonight is kinda eerie. There is total silence. The church bells didn't even ring. No one is out. It's as if there was a Chicago ordinance that told everybody they needed to stay inside tonight and I'm in violation of the law! I feel weirdly alone....still, I close my eyes and inhale the scent of fresh laundry from my neighbors dryer vent and enjoy the quiet. I open my eyes and then, from a distance, I hear fireworks coming from Oak Park. Slowly, I hear the train, kids, horns...small noises. Were they always there and I was just blocking them out? God reminds me sometimes blocking out the noises makes room for your soul to get quiet....for your spirit to calm down. My soul needs a calming. The noises will always be there, it's the silence we have to listen for. In the quiet, God whispers "Close your eyes baby girl, deep breath, inhale, hold, slowly release. I got you." ‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 30 May 2016 06:19:00 +0000

MAY 30, 2016

It's 9:06 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing and the most beautiful breeze keeps kissing my face. I usually come out to hear the church bells and have some moments of silence but not tonight. It's the holiday weekend and all I hear are kids laughing and playing, the smell of bbq coals, families hugging and gathering, old school music (of course loud trap music in passing cars) and my neighbor across the street asking me how my weekend has been going...no gunshots, no cops. I barely heard the bells and I actually preferred it tonight. It was a bit hopeless this weekend with one of my youth who has totally given up hope but as I sit here, God reminds me there is joy to be found in places that seem dark and hopeless. God reminded me, that kid who has given up, still called you today and he laughed. God reminded me, just as many people don't see the beauty in the hood, we are called to look for it and put it on display. I see beauty all around me. I love my Chicago.
‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 30 May 2016 06:18:00 +0000

MAY 13, 2016

It's 10:13 am in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing waiting for my Uber to take me to the airport. I'm exhausted. I woke up dreading the long day of travel to California...until I thought about holding and kissing on my niece and nephew, seeing friends and going to a conference with people I consider my tribe. Suddenly the exhaustion turned to ecstatic joy. I got a pep in my step. As I enjoy my swing that I won't see for 10 days, God reminds me of how quickly our state of being can change if we focus on our blessings. I am blessed. Life is just like the swing I'm sitting on now. ..back and forth....back and forth...but what a thrilling ride it can be.‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 30 May 2016 06:17:00 +0000

MAY 9, 2016

It's 9:18 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing after battling the demon of depression all day. I sit here under the heaviness of the downpour, rain soaking the streets and people running for shelter. I feel the heaviness of the streets, of my youth. I hear what seems to be 6 gunshots from afar, then 10 minutes later police sirens. The rain feels heavier...the depression deeper. I'm trying to pray. Trying to hear His voice. I look up and see a lamp post. A lamp post right in front of the Crib. When I moved here, the bulb had been out for awhile I was told. What did I do? Called the Alderman to fix it. WE NEED LIGHT ON THIS BLOCK! God spoke and said There you go bringing light to darkness again....and there goes God reminding me again how much Light is still needed. Didn't bring any light today, was in darkness myself. Even I needed to see the Light.
‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 30 May 2016 06:17:00 +0000

MAY 5, 2016

It's 6:46 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing after dropping off my luggage in the living room. I missed my swing. I missed the church bells. Though I needed the break from it all to enjoy rest, family and silence, I did miss my City. There's no place like home. ..but both places are my home. As I sit here, my senses are recalibrating back to what is my normal. The train sounds, the loud trap music, kids screaming, police sirens. God reminds me He is in both places. The place of quiet, the place of noise. We just have to open our eyes, ears and heart to find Him. God is home...wherever you find Him. Welcome home says the porch swing. Thank you my friend. Good to be back.
‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 30 May 2016 06:16:00 +0000

APRIL 28, 2016

It's 9:11 pm in Chicago. I am on my porch swing wrapped in my favorite fluffy warm blanket. My first mentee moved in today and I called her to see if she wanted to listen to the church bells with me on her first night. She didn't answer the phone and I didn't pursue it. As I sat down in my silence of city noises, I heard God say "This is our time. I'm singing to you." It's in my nature to share but God reminded me this is self care...it's OK to have this time just for Him and I. It's what quiets my restless ever busy going soul...it's my date time with my Love, not a group date with friends. And I'm good with that. Serenade me my Love. ‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬

noreply@blogger.com (a Hope Dealer) — Mon, 30 May 2016 06:16:00 +0000

APRIL 26, 2016

It's too cold for a ‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ story tonight. #ChicagoWeatherIssues