Porncrank's Deep Thoughts

Overuse

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:11:00 +0000

Anyone else ever worry that they might wear out their dick?

Out of the Blue

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:46:00 +0000

Some friends and I were having a discussion about blue balls. Seems that a couple of the guys in our group have never experienced this most dreaded male condition, but I confirmed that I most certainly had. Though not very often recently.

Then without warning the next day, for no reason I can imagine, I got blue balls. Out of the blue.

Can just talking about blue balls bring on a case?

It is true that I hadn't been yerking nearly as much as I should recently, but I quickly remedied that.

I usually think of blue balls as a purely bad thing... but if they can get me to refocus on what's important in my life (read: yerking) then I suppose I have to admit they have their place.

Another Hero!

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:10:00 +0000

Despite what Tina said, I'm always on the lookout for more heroes. Or at least role models. And shortly after learning about Ernest Borgnine I have found another man I can look up at with great admiration:

Masanobu Sato - World Class Wanker

There's a lot to like about that story. The process itself sounds more grueling than enjoyable, but he's such a trooper! His attitude is top notch, as well. If only more people were so proud of yerking!

I find it a bit sad that his girlfriend is only interested in sex a few times per year, but that's what masturbation is all about, right? Being self-sufficient. And who can argue against that?

Secret to Long Life

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:38:00 +0000

I've always liked Ernest Borgnine, but now he's my hero.

Lucky

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 07:53:00 +0000

Sometimes I think I am very lucky that I am largely an "eyes man".

I was able to have ice cream and a great talk with a girl who has oh-my-god-tits tits and maintain eye contact almost the whole time.

Thanks to my gentlemanly behavior, i think I'll get to not look directly at her tits again, which is fine with me.

Facials

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Wed, 27 May 2009 18:50:00 +0000

I just realized, out of nowhere, that I don't really like facials.

I'm not talking about the spa treatment. I'm talking about blowing a load on the girl's face. It's become the One True Way to film a cumshot in porn. Of course I've seen it a million times (really, I counted) so I'm very used to it and comfortable with it. It generally goes by without me really noticing. But given the option, I'm just not a fan of the facial.

Don't get me wrong: I'm all about blowing loads in and on the women. It's just that the face seems like a particularly questionable place to do it. It seems like a high-school prank. Like giving someone a wet willie. Or like getting slimed on You Can't Do That on Television. "Ha ha -- you have gooey stuff on your face now!". Somehow, this is not a turn-on for me.

If the girl seems enthusiastic to get the load in her mouth, and some of it misses, that works. But if the goal is to splatter it on her face like a two year old flinging tapioca? Yeah, not sexy. And fuck all if it gets into her eyes. I hate watching that.

I guess facial cum splattering feeds into some kind of dominance/degradation thing? As popular as that has become -- sadly often being the point of modern porn -- I still can't get into it. I like watching people really enjoy themselves. Not just the guy: all parties. Perhaps I'm a fool and some of the women really do like it? Though my experience with having wet gooey stuff flung on my face is limited, it's pretty hard to believe that very many would be big fans.

Anyways, facials are what they are. They're not going anywhere, so I accept. But here's hoping for more money shots on the tits, the ass, the back, and the tummy. And let's not forget to include a creampie now and then.

BJ Teeth

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:17:00 +0000

I was never a picky eater, but when I was a kid I didn't like fish. I grew up in a smallish suburb and I tried it many times at restaurants or cooked at home. It always tasted kind of nasty to me. By the time I was in my late teens, I officially declared "I don't like fish".

Then several years later I had a girlfriend who loved fish. She took me to an upscale seafood place in Boston: Jonah's at the Hyatt Regency. Yeah, even back then I had the sugar mamas.

I was skeptical at first, but I reluctantly tried some salmon. And it was delicious. Then I hit some sea bass, and that was amazingly tasty too. Eventually I had tried every seafood dish they had and loved them all. And so I came to realize that I actually love fish -- it just has to be done right.

I feel similarly about BJ Teeth.

The very first blowjob I ever received had teeth in it. So much so that even though it was my first blowjob, and even though I had hitherto imagined I'd blow my load in two seconds if a girl ever got her lips around my cock, in fact I was not able to get off for a very long time. Which made it worse since I had to endure the scraping discomfort of her teeth even longer. I was only able to eventually get off when all that chaffing made my dick numb enough to ignore the pain, and then concentrating all my mental faculties on porn.

I suppose I could have asked her to stop, but c'mon, it was my first blowjob! *

A few weeks later the topic of BJ Teeth came up in polite party conversation, with some of the ladies, including my toothy girlfriend, promoting the idea of dick nibbling and such. I immediately came out as a strong opponent of BJ Teeth, claiming they never felt good and that teeth should be kept away from the cock at all times. The other fellows at the party agreed, and I imagined them (not too vividly) having gone through similarly painful situations.

Fast forward several years. My dick has been sucked many times and my latest girlfriend is an absolute master at keeping her teeth off my dick.** Going into her mouth was as smooth as a wet vagina. A smiling wet vagina with a swirling, flicking tongue. She was very creative with the blowjobs, too. She was so good that I often preferred oral to intercourse.

And then one day she used teeth.

For the first split second I was going to stop her -- but instead I waited just a moment. And wouldn't you know it, it felt great. The technique she used was to go all the way down, and then as she was coming back up slowly she'd pause for an instant and give a gentle bite, release, and go back up a little more and then pause and bite again all the way up the shaft.

Holy shit, it felt great. Later she would even include light grazing or playful nibbling on the side of the shaft or balls. It was never lazy unconscious dragging of the teeth -- she knew exactly what she was doing. It was an intentional, careful, and artful use. It wasn't continuous or often. In fact, it was a rare occurrence -- but she did it so well I came to think of it as a special treat.

In the years that followed our breakup, I encountered other women with varying levels of oral skills. None quite as bad as my first high school girlfriend, and none quite as good as the oral honey that showed me the way of the BJ Teeth. But I have on subsequent occasions found BJ Teeth to be either wonderful or awful depending on the skill of the woman wielding them.

And so like fish, I have come to appreciate BJ Teeth -- when done right.

---

* I cut my first girl some slack -- I'm sure she could recite a litany of complaints about my high-school quality sexual performance.

** The girl that got me into fish was the same girl that got me into BJ Teeth. I guess I owe her a lot.

More Music

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Thu, 07 May 2009 12:13:00 +0000

So over at TheSixtyOne.com the response to the last song was so positive, I was inspired to cut another track.

Porncrank - Eat Me

I'm kinda digging the process. Not sure if I have more in me, but I'll keep my cock in my ears.

Um, yeah.

Porn Music

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 18:11:00 +0000

Branching out -- I took a few audio samples from a choice porn flick and imported them into Garageband. After a few hours playing around I think I got a decent little techno track. You can hear it here:

Porncrank - My Pussy

I don't know if music can function as porn all by itself, but there you go.

Ramping Up

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 07:50:00 +0000

I don't have the time to post any details, but I'll say this: I'm jerking off a hell of a lot more this week than over the past few months. Seems I'm past most of my bullshit funk and getting healthy and horny again. Hopefully I can channel all that horniness into many cool things including a few posts here.

Wish me luck. Right now, I need to yerk.

Porn Lives! . . . as text?

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 07:28:00 +0000

So it was maybe a month back. I was dragging myself through clip after clip of uninspiring porn, trying to get a stiffy to no avail. It was good quality stuff -- much the same as I usually work with -- but it just wasn't doing it for me.

Then suddenly something popped into my head: I remembered a chat session from several months back. It was a chat between me and an ex. Even though we were already broken up at the time of the chat session, our conversation had brought me to a ridiculously intense orgasm. You know the kind where laying on your back you get an accidental autofacial by sheer ejaculative force? Yeah, it was one of those.

Anyway, I decided to dig up the chat log and read it. Lo and behold I was able to blow another huge load just from reading the text and yerking. I haven't been able to do that since I read Penthouse Forum back in high-school. I'm sure part of the reason it works for me is because I know the girl (in the biblical sense) and so all the words have real-world imagery and sensation attached to it. Maybe it'll seem downright lame to anyone else. Be that as it may, I reproduce it here nonetheless. Oh, it's pretty long. If you find it enjoyable... then enjoy.

Read The Chat...

porncrank	when was the last time you touched yourself?
delicious	haha! man! 3 months ago? i don't know i've forgotten about it
porncrank	wow
delicious	i never thought i could actually get into this stage where sex and that horny feeling is totally irrelevant or neglected
porncrank	oh, i've been there at times for various reasons
delicious	have you touched yourself lately?
porncrank	uh hum maybe ... everyday :)
delicious	are you touching yourself now?
porncrank	haha, no not while i type :)
delicious	you've been responding pretty slow
porncrank	trying to multitask but not with touching myself :)
delicious	so when you touch yourself, what do you feel?
porncrank	oh... it's just emotionless sexuality just a physical sensation
delicious	do you feel lonely? or satisfied? do you just hate yourself? or is it just something casual to make yourself sleep?
porncrank	no, i don't feel lonely or hate myself not at all it's just something relaxing and enjoyable
delicious	ok, you're healthy :)
porncrank	and yeah, then i go to sleep :)
delicious	used to be that i would do it every day
porncrank	would it be bad if i asked you to do it right now?
delicious	like, do it, do it?
porncrank	yeah, touch yourself :)
delicious	i could try, but not sure if i'd really get myself in the mood do you feel you would want to touch yourself now?
porncrank	not particularly, but i can turn it on pretty quick :)
delicious	haha then why did you ask me to?
porncrank	because you haven't done it in months! :P
delicious	haha! you really are a friend
porncrank	and of course if you did it, it would provide me with some good imagination material :)
delicious	ok, so you want to do it :)
porncrank	i just want to encourage you to have a little fun to feel sexy and sensual and beautiful and then i'll think about it and feel good too :P
delicious	ok, how do you do that while chatting?
porncrank	oh, you don't have to chat so much just lay back slide those shorts down start touching over your panties
delicious	i'm wearing a shirt only
porncrank	ah, perfect :) keep the shirt on but take off your bra if you're wearing one :)
delicious	nope :)
porncrank	purrrrrfect :)
delicious	i'm just at home
porncrank	run one hand over your breasts the other between your legs and then... dip inside :) you don't have to chat to me just think about how sexy you are and how good it feels to be touched :)
delicious	i just want you to know that i'm taking this seriously :)
porncrank	i hope so :)
delicious	oh, yes
porncrank	i'm thinking about you laying there touching breathing... a little quicker moving your body around feeling your beautiful breasts feeling your moist, sweetness mmm keep touching :) keep feeling sexy :)
delicious	do this with me mmm...
porncrank	i am :) there's just something about that feeling... wrapping around each other... being totally enveloped in each other...
delicious	i wanna feel that...
porncrank	me too...
delicious	i miss that... so much...
porncrank	you deserve to feel that... every night... :) hands running up and down your body lips on your face, your neck totally filled up inside tangled in the sheets if i were there... i'd kiss you all over starting with your sweet lips and moving down slowly
delicious	oh, god...
porncrank	until i'm right between your slender, smooth thighs and i would kiss you so gently and run my fingertips all over grab your ass, and lift you to my mouth
delicious	oh, you don't have any idea how much i long for that...
porncrank	and when you couldn't stand it any more i'd work my way back up and kissing your lips, enter you slowly all the way until we're pressed so tightly we feel like one being stroking in and out, all the way mmm feels soooooo good :)
delicious	reeeaaalll good... i can imagine you now, really hard,
porncrank	oh god yes... very, very hard
delicious	as you slide it up and down my hot and fervid body
porncrank	the head is all swollen... i love how it feels when i push it in and the ridge of the head goes inside and slides up deep within you and the way your body feels as it tenses up and presses against me
delicious	i love it when you open my legs wide and rub and writhe your whole body on me and slowly press down on me as you slide your hard cock into me
porncrank	mmm make lots of room spread all the way so i can get all the way in :) that feels soooooo good
delicious	i could feel you really deep slow and deep and driving me crazy...
porncrank	oh, you know how i like it :) okay... stand up i want to get inside you from behind your back is so very sexy put your hands against the wall... i love how it looks and how i can kiss the back of your neck while fucking you and reach my hands around to caress your breasts
delicious	mmm...
porncrank	oh man... i'm going to cum if i keep fucking you like this
delicious	i can always wriggle down between your legs... and take your big and juicy cock in my mouth
porncrank	oh god yes... :) i loooove how you do it when you go all over with your tongue you don't miss a spot :)
delicious	suck it slowly and deep stick the tip of my tongue into that little hole and gently run my teeth all the way down
porncrank	oh god... it's so sensitive to your every touch tease me... don't make me cum just almost...
delicious	no, dear, don't type just focus :)
porncrank	ahhh.... man...
delicious	until i reach your balls... and pinch a bit of skin as i roll your cock against my face and into my hair... and back in my hot mouth again oh, i love your cock... i want to suck it all night... and taste your cum
porncrank	not yet! don't make me cum! i want to eat you some more first!
delicious	:)
porncrank	oh god... you get me so hot... don't worry i'll let you play with it more :) but let me taste you some first let me put my lips right over your delicious pussy run my tongue up and down delicately
delicious	aahhh...
porncrank	and slip a finger inside you stroking that smooth, hot, tight little pussy running my tongue all around your clit my other hand drifts up your body
delicious	i love how you lick my cunt lips
porncrank	fondling your breasts, tracing circles over your skin
delicious	oooh, you're soo good with that...
porncrank	oh god, i love to feel your pussy against my face so wet, so sweet those lips.... so delicate... i can't help but run my tongue up and down them as i finger you
delicious	oh, i can feel how wet you make me...
porncrank	i'm putting my lips right over your whole pussy and sucking on you i love how your skin feels in my mouth my god... you're so hot inside it's like a fever i want my cock in there right now it's so hot and tight... the way it wraps around my cock
delicious	oh, you're so hard i can't wait to feel you inside me
porncrank	i want to just fuck you and fuck you all night
delicious	you make me tremble and shake...
porncrank	just look in each others eyes while i fuck you deep and hard
delicious	i can see and feel your cock sliding in and out of my cunt plunging into my juicy hole huge, slippery cock disappearing inside me...
porncrank	all the way out so just the tip is touching your pussy and then diving back in
delicious	with that rhythm slowly rocking back and forth
porncrank	mmm just like that you think you can cum if i keep doing it like that? i like when you put a hand down and make little circles around your clit while i fuck you
delicious	oh, you remember that. :)
porncrank	oh god yes i can't hold on much longer baby :)
delicious	oh, god...
porncrank	i want to feel you cum... feel your pussy tighten on my cock sucking it inside that's when i'll lose it and i'll cum so hard deep inside you
delicious	i can't believe how deep you could get in me thrusting your cock in again and again fucking me faster and faster
porncrank	i can't believe how your pussy just pulls me in i can feel it gripping me, sucking on me
delicious	deeper... as my breasts sway and jiggle...
porncrank	oh god, your beautiful breasts... and your beautiful, beautiful eyes just looking at your sexy face while you're being fucked drives me wild
delicious	i can really feel my cum rising up between my legs
porncrank	oh god, i'm going to lose it any second your whole body quivering under me your gasps your perfect breasts bouncing, pressing against me as i dig in deeper your sexy legs wrapping around me plunging in again and again you're so wet so tight i can't stand it..
delicious	come inside me, please...
porncrank	oh god i'm ready
delicious	i want to feel your juice all over my cunt
porncrank	are you ready for me to cum? you want it inside?
delicious	yeah... running down my thighs dripping between my legs
porncrank	oh god i want to fill you with my cum
delicious	i've always dreamed of feeling your hot cum inside me
porncrank	it's boiling in my balls right now it's dying to fill you
delicious	climaxing...
porncrank	oh god
delicious	pumping... ooohh... until i shake and shake and can't stop ...
porncrank	oh my... i just came so hard :) loads and loads of cum...
delicious	ahh... :) i've always wanted to feel that...
porncrank	mmm.... okay, rolling over, going to sleep ;)
delicious	haha so typical :)
porncrank	lol did you really touch yourself?
delicious	i did, you didn't?
porncrank	i did i just came :)
delicious	how did you? you were so busy typing
porncrank	stroke, type, stroke, type
delicious	haha you're amazing sticky keyboard
porncrank	how about you?
delicious	it's so easy for me i just need to rub it on the pillow while i type
porncrank	aha :)
delicious	:)
porncrank	nicely done hopefully you feel a little sexier and more content like a well fed kitty :)
delicious	haha my kitty all big and full now purr... i ate you all up :)
porncrank	thank you :) i feel very content now myself ...don't think i've ever done that before i mean, not to that level
delicious	yeah, right :)
porncrank	actually getting off!
delicious	i've never done anything like that not even phone sex
porncrank	a virgin... interesting ;)
delicious	haha
porncrank	you don't _type_ like a virgin
delicious	haha i've got a good imagination it's all you need :)

Porn Is Dead?

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 01:28:00 +0000

Happy New Year!

The new year did not ring in a new year of porn excitement. I'm still kinda dead in the water porn wise. I still yerk it a few times a week, but I barely get it up in the process. I sport a sort of a floppy porn-quality erection, instead of the steel spike I usually stroke off. Bah.

On the womens front, the cutie I'm with these days is the wettest girl I've been with by a long shot. Un-freaking-believably wet. Like a god damned slip-n-slide. Total mess every time. Literally a puddle on the bed. But you know what?

No squirting.

Porn Drought

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 22:35:00 +0000

No real news. I'm probably yerking at best once a week right now. Pitiful.

Porn, even my favorite stuff, is barely doing it for me.

I feel like the economy.

On the flip side, I found a cutie to yerk it for me. That's pretty sweet.

Alternate Theory

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:45:00 +0000

Or maybe it's just that I yerk more when I'm not depressed. And I tend to be less depressed when I'm getting laid? Or I'm more likely to get laid when I'm not depressed?

Correlation, causation, yada, yada, yada.

Suffice it to say I got some play this week, but was depressed throughout. Yerking is not happening. Bah!

Should I go for Viagra or Zoloft, I wonder?

Gathering Evidence

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 01:08:00 +0000

Got laid this week. Very enjoyable.

I yerked four times in the past two days. Using newly acquired porn of blowjobs.

Right now I want to yerk again.

Hypothesis approaching theory: sex causes masturbation.

Embarassing

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 07:40:00 +0000

I will have to reflect on exactly why this is, but my porn and yerk proclivities have largely waned in the past month. I have found myself almost completely uninterested in porn, and when watching it, almost completely unaroused. What gives?

I have long argued, against what would seem the obvious logic, that regular sex actually increases my desire for porn and yerk. I suppose the converse of that would be that if I'm not having regular sex, my desire for porn and yerk would decrease. Well, I'll be forthright and admit that the past couple months, since the end of my "Bangin' USA" tour, have been the longest I've gone without sex in my adult life. And here I am with a seriously lacking libido.

Tomorrow I have a friend coming over to watch porn. She's super hot, and obviously a cool chick, but she's taken. She suggested us watching some porn out of the blue. I'm not sure why. I tend to be iffy on watching porn with others, but nonetheless I'm game. She described the event herself as "creepy", and I'm inclined to agree, but her and I are both somewhat creepy people, so no worries there.

In any case, I am going to take an active role in seeking out womens again. And I mean that with all respect -- you have no idea how genuine I am in my care for the ladies I meet and bed, even when the underlying motivation is horniness, or the desire to trigger horniness, as the case may be.

I'll post about where all this goes.

Upload Dammit!

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 06:05:00 +0000

I have as of yet been unable to upload any clips to YouPorn or PornoTube. Guess I should try some other sites, but really, what's up with that? I follow the guidelines, the confirmation page says I uploaded successfully. I am patient for it to get posted but... no dice.

It's a bummer because I wanted to put some stuff up and post about it here. But I've been denied.

No, it's not because it's me doing a gorilla up the ass. I would never post that vid. No, this is just pretty straightforward stuff: a blowjob clip. My only guess, beyond it being a strange technical issue, is that it's copyright related. But that surprises me since most of the stuff on those sites seems to be in violation of copyright anyway. And my clip is a short edited excerpt, not even a whole scene like some of the others.

Bah. I'll keep looking around and trying. Suggestions are welcome.

Porn?

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 06:03:00 +0000

What qualifies as porn? Does a video of Katie Couric making Sarah Palin figuratively eat peanuts out of her shit count as porn if it gets me hard?

Is porn purely in the eye of the beholder? Or does the intent of the creator matter?

In either case, I offer the following video, which works on many levels:

jerk it

And good night.

Etiquette

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 18:21:00 +0000

Should I shut down my chat program when I'm yerkin? I tend not to, but it's a little weird pulling one off when you've got little "available" icons of your guyfriends and your mom just inches away on the screen. Occasionally I'll wish I had shut it down if a greeting pops up at an inopportune moment.

The iSight camera embedded at the top of my screen doesn't help either, even if it is turned off.

Karma

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:11:00 +0000

I probably shouldn't yerk when drunk. I can never remember if I enjoyed it and then I forget to clean up properly afterwards.

The next morning I stumble to the can to take my morning leak, and thanks to the dried cum sealing the tip of my dick shut, the piss fires sideways, all over the wall and floor. Fuckin' unbelievable.

Does this happen to no one else?

What's The Rush?

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 10:50:00 +0000

I'm done traveling, i've got my own place again, and hell yeah I've been yerking every damn night. I must say it feels good to be back in the swing of things.

However tonight for some reason it just wasn't coming together. I was comfortably in the sack with my 17" and my 6", and even with good solid porn on screen and good solid dick in hand, I just wasn't that fired up.

Some might take this as a sign to give up and go to sleep. But if I were that man, would I be blogging about my masturbation habits? Hell no. So I stuck with it, and perhaps by luck I rediscovered an old trick: a method I've used in the past to change it up.

See, Quicktime has this "A/V Controls" window. Other players might have a similar feature, but I haven't looked into it. The A/V controls include what you'd expect: brightness, contrast, color, and tint. And while these are useful for bringing the details back to a murky underlit shot, that's not the main thing I like. My favorite control is the speed control: this slider allows you to adjust the playback speed anywhere from 1/2 speed to 3x speed. And while turning any vid into a Benny Hill rerun may turn some of y'all on, for me it's the other direction that gets me going.

What's the Rush? Let's do it slow.

What I usually do is knock it down to about 3/4 speed. Quicktime does a good job of keeping it from looking too choppy, and it also shifts the audio so that it doesn't sound lower, just slower. Girls still sound like girls, just the length of each moan is stretched out. The effect is passable and within a few seconds I can imagine I'm watching an unaltered vid.

But what is the point? The point is that you play some of your favorite clips, the ones you've seen 1000 times before, and you breath fresh life into them. Suddenly they're taking a little extra time on everything: her mouth stays open just a bit longer as she swallows his cock. He slides in and out of her pussy a little more deliberately. Her moans are drawn out and primal.

I imagine this trick only works if I don't overuse it. But it's a good tool in the toolbox for nights like tonight.

Of course, this probably only works if you like things slow. If you're into people doing the rabbit, I guess you could try turning the speed up. But for me, well, let's just say I'm a fan of Foghat. And when I slow things down, it breaks me right out of my rut.

Another assumption for success here is the idea that you know your clips well enough that the slowdown will be noticable at all. All I can say is that if you don't know your clips that well, you're not paying nearly enough attention. Study the porn. Live the porn. Become the porn.

Travels 2

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:12:00 +0000

The tone changed for the second half of the trip: I decided to try a new kind of porn I'd heard about.

The "new porn" works like this: rather than fire up the computer, you go out and into the world and meet a "woman". They look roughly similar to the creatures you see in porn, except they have clothes. But with the right sequence of words and actions, the "woman" can take off her clothes. Then you can touch each other. This will get you hard, just like watching porn! Finally, the masturbation technique is a little different, too: rather than rubbing your dick with your hand, you insert it into her "vagina". It actually feels very good. I would recommend anyone who likes porn and masturbation to give it a try. It's quite a bit more complex than the natural means of satisfaction -- some might even call it kinky. But if you practice, it can become a welcome addition to your porn/masturbation schedule.

Unlike the first half of my travels where I was always a stranger in a strange land, the second half of the trip involved cities where I knew of "women". A friend of mine, in anticipation, dubbed it the "Bangin' USA" tour, and suggested I paint that on the side of my car. I should have, but I did not.

I spent quality time with four eligible women over the course of a few weeks, but only one resulted in satisfaction. This is to be expected: I'm a soft sell on these things, and honestly didn't expect much of anything. Still, 25% isn't bad, and I did work my way through the better part of a 12 pack of condoms, and not in the space of 10 minutes like in the dark times. But I don't think you can call one successful show a "tour".

Some might call 8 bangs in two weeks pretty good. Hell, I would. But they all happened at the beginning and the end, and the rest of the time, since I was always staying with people, traditional masturbation subsided almost completely! I found myself more horned up than ever, and usually no way to relieve myself. It was, frankly torturous.

I'm back home now, and I jerked off at least five times in the first two days. For a guy my age I think that's pretty good. Though I could give that "masturbating for a whole week" thing a try.

Hmm... masturbating for a whole week. I don't think I could honestly do it. But in any case I'd need to start using lube again.

Travels 1

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:40:00 +0000

Where has the crank been, you ask? I would like to say that I was performing an experiment where I masturbated for a whole week without stopping, and that I was about to present the results. However that would be a lie.

In truth, I've been driving around the US for the past month, having a grand old time.

For the first half of the journey I was driving alone, sometimes for 14 hours a day. It just occurred to me that I could have tried pulling one off while I drove. My car's an automatic, but that doesn't mean I can't drive stick. I tend to wig out a bit when I fire my glue gun: twitching, kicking, eyes rolled back -- the occasional recitation of the Lord's Prayer or a blood curdling scream. So I suppose there would be some danger there. But the cruise control was on most of the time anyways, and I only need one hand to hold the wheel steady... that's no harder than when I blow a load sitting on the can with my laptop balanced on one leg. I think I could have done it.

Well, almost -- I wouldn't have had any porn to watch so I don't know if I could have actually gotten off. God I'm so spoiled.

Every night I'd crash at some fine Motel 6ish establishment, watch some of my porn, deposit a nice wad of cum into a fresh hand towel, and sleep. It was a good trip. I saw stuff during the days too. I think it was all very impressive, but the only thing I remember clearly is the nightly tug-o-war.

The tone changed for the second half of my trip... I'll post more about that soon!

Porn Habit

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 17:27:00 +0000

Hope you had a good 4th of July! A day which, through good marketing, stands for freedom.

We really do have an amazing degree of freedom. And what better exemplifies that than the freedom to enjoy porn? Any nation where porn is legal and easy to acquire can hold their heads high on the 4th as far as I'm concerned. It all comes back to porn, I tell you.

Unfortunately I had other things to do on the 4th, so I didn't crack out the porn. I'll take care of that in just a moment.

What I really wanted to post about was a detail I came across from the Christie Brinkley divorce trial. Namely that her soon-to-be-ex hubby had, and I quote, "a $3000 a month porn habit."

Wow. Just wow. I mean, if you're that rich I suppose $3000 a month is chump change, but still. I spend (except in rare occasions) $0 a month for porn and I have more than I can reasonably handle. I think I can understand porn addiction as well as anyone, but this guy really does need a little help.

Someone should point him to the free stuff, at least.

Question

noreply@blogger.com (porncrank) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 06:45:00 +0000

Would you rather have a huge dick that had little sensitivity, providing you with limited pleasure?

Or would you rather have a tiny dick that was super sensitive, providing you with enormous pleasure?

I'm not sure which way I'd go myself, but I think people focus too much on looking good rather than feeling good.