Daffodils and tulips

On this first day of Spring, The Portland Farmers Market opened, bringing a sea of happy faces. This year the market has expanded to cover two full blocks, approximately double the size of previous years. This means more room to roam between stalls, space for additional vendors, and better traffic flow for less of a crowded feel.

Chard

There is no denying that we are obsessive about all things food; it’s where our city comes alive. The market feeds the soul of our community. When you overhear a lengthy and passionate discussion between a vendor and a buyer on how the free range Tibetan yak sausage differs from the water buffalo version; where one cheese maker breaks into perfectly pronounced French over a question about the “mystery cheese” he made by mistake last year; and when a proud tweed-suited older gentleman and his well-dressed lady companion of the same age, cradle a bundle of pure white leeks in their arms, all of this shows that Portland is a very special town and that the farmers market is one of its jewels.

Lettuce

You couldn’t ask for nicer weather! A good selection of early season crops are available, including mushrooms, leeks, ramps, carrots, potatoes, and a variety of root vegetables.

Of course, lots of familiar vendors have returned: Alma Chocolate, Ancient Heritage Dairy, Bittersweet Farm Revival, Black Sheep Bakery, Blossom Vinegars, Blue Gardenia, Blue Heron Herbary, Boyco Foods, C’est Si Bon!, Cafe Velo, Cherry Country, Chop Butchery & Charcuterie, Columbia River Fish Co… the list goes on and on.

Leeks and radishes

I normally wouldn’t write a first impressions piece on a restaurant in its first week of business, but I have gotten lots of emails asking for information. Since I found Tasty & Sons is pretty good, I decided to go ahead and tell you what I think about this new venture.

Owned by John Gorham of Toro Bravo, Tasty & Sons is in the old Anju/Nutshell location on north Williams. A group of us dropped to give it a try. The restaurant space has changed quite a bit. The back third of the room is now partitioned off, making it more manageable, and less cavernous. The skylights are restored allowing light to stream into the room. A large kitchen with an equally long chef’s counter takes up most of the north side, tables are on the south. Overall, the changes are a big improvement to the challenging layout.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the menu. John is known for putting a creative spin on things and it shows here, with a Spanish twist on many dishes. Some of them are a rethinking of favorite items from the Toro Bravo (TB) menu. For example, you can order dates at either restaurant. At TB, they come with a drizzle of warm honey; at Tasty the griddled bacon-wrapped dates come with a light shower of warm maple syrup ($2 ea). Another variation is one of my favorites at TB – the spicy north African sausages. Here they are laid over a bed of couscous which is loaded with little bits of dried fruit,  and cauliflower. The over-easy egg draped on top, runs over everything, pulling it all together ($9).

One thing to keep in mind: the food is generally served “family-style”, not unlike TB. Most of it is designed to be split, and items don’t necessarily come out at the same time. However, if you want to keep everything for yourself, they will do their best to accommodate you.

One of the first items that caught my eye was “the breakfast board”.  It is larger than I expected; easy to split. The board includes a halved hard-boiled egg, beets, plump dates, small strips of bacon, a wonderful creamy pâté, crostini, soft bread, and a homemade yogurt cheese ($7).

“Auntie Paula’s” French toast with rhubarb and whipped cream won me over on the first bite. The bread is thick and soft, not soggy/oily, just perfect; probably the best I’ve had in Portland. The accompanying sauce was a finer consistency than I expected, and much more subtle – not overly sweet. Absent the de rigueur dusting of powdered sugar, none of the components are overwhelmed ($7).

Though we had just finished the French toast, the couple next to us had “regular toast”, which looked so good we ordered it too. Thick soft bread, teleme cheese (a California cheese, somewhat like brie in texture), and a smear of jam paired nicely with a cup of the Ristretto Roasters coffee ($5).

Pork cutlets with a fried egg come on a bed of cooked spinach. They are, in a word, wonderful!  Lightly breaded, moist, and flavorful, they pick up a hint of lemon from the greens. I’ve never had breakfast cutlets like this. For the price, they make a nice breakfast ($9)

You can get a fried egg and cheddar biscuit with your choice of chicken or sausage. The biscuit is flaky and light, contrasting with crispy moist chicken. The egg is delicately draped over the top. It’s a fairly large sandwich, but because of its makeup, a bit hard to split ($8).

We also tried the golf-ball shaped homemade chocolate-potato donuts. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but they were quite light, slightly sweet, and had tiny chunks of potato in the dough. I thought they were interesting, though I’m not sure I’d order them again ($5)

There are many items on the menu which I haven’t explored. Nancy Rommelmann raved about the  cast-iron frittata with roasted cauliflower, olives and caramelized onion and Parmesan ($7). The table next to us ordered grilled asparagus with double-smoked bacon and over-easy eggs, which, eating with my eyes, looked great ($8). A traditional North African dish called shakshuka, two baked eggs over a sauce of tomatoes, peppers, onions and spices seems to be a winner. It comes with two pieces of crisp bread, which makes it easy to push the sauce around ($9).    For those who need some greens to counteract the heavier dishes, there are a few choices, including a radicchio salad with croutons and Parmigiano Reggiano and vinaigrette ($7). The Toro Bravo burger is available here too, though it is somewhat different – bun, sauce and with blue cheese or Beechers cheddar. It’s served with an order of fries. It looks really good, but I haven’t tried it ($10).

Tasty & Sons has a full liquor license, so a list of “breakfast cocktails” is available, including at least four versions of bloody Mary’s; most of which are an interesting departure from the norm. Two examples, the dimsomore: Monopolowa vodka, tomato, hoisin, lime, sriracha, ginger ($8), and the Tasty Mary: Monopolowa vodka, tomato, Worcestershire, horse radish, lemon, sriracha, celery and house pickles with a salted rim ($8). However, as it was still early in the day, I decided not to imbibe. One draft and four bottled beers are available, perfect with a burger on a nice afternoon.

Finally, service was good, especially considering they had only been open two days. It was nice to see so many faces from the Toro Bravo staff – I don’t know how they are managing to work two jobs. Rebecca Finley, formerly floor manager at Paley’s Place will manage the front of the house. Dori Prange from Toro Bravo will run the bar.

Overall, for a restaurant that just opened, Tasty & Sons has an interesting menu, quality food, and is on my favorite breakfast list. I will give it three months, and go back to see how it holds up.

• Address: 3808 N Williams
• Phone: 503.621.1400
• Hours: Hours: During “Soft” Opening: Tues-Sat, 9am – 3pm (Will change to 7 days AFTER Grand Opening announcement some time in April)

Now it is your turn to vote for your three favorites! You will see the poll on the right side of this page

Where to find the best chowder, my brothers?
Well, there’s Mo’s and there’s Jake’s, and some others,
But the one I recall
As the best of them all
I can’t get any more — my grandmother’s.

They all used to think me a yokel
Dumb redneck; sometimes they were vocal
They thought me a fool
But now think I’m cool
I’ve spent my whole life eating local

“Do you enjoy food more than sex?”,
My girlfriend inquires, perplexed.
She started to cry,
As I rushed to reply,
“I would if it weren’t for the check.”

Said the Burgerville fan from Yoncalla,
“The One Ring is the sweet Walla Walla.
The Vidalia? Too light.
Foreign Mayas? Not right.
Walla-Squared is the Onion Valhalla.”

there once was a lass in Northeast
who’s diet was pork and roast beast
one day on the scale
she screamed out a wail
“Green veggies must be my new feast!”

Down Under they eat Vegemite,
The first time it gave me a fright.
Lord! What a smell,
But to hear Aussies tell,
With practice ’twill be a delight.

Old flatulent Major Carew
ate a volatile Indian stew,
five beers and a curry,
some beans in a hurry,
some franks and some pickles, some….PHEWWW!!!

My quaffing an Aussie shiraz
is cause for haute winos to razz.
Syrah is the plonk
for a pretentious wonk
who probably listens to jazz.

It’s been said that we eat with our eyes.
Not a stretch if you look at my thighs.
If it’s true, I’m in trouble,
’cause my eyes seeing double,
just ate up two orders of fries!

de Sade said, “Now don’t think me rude,
But I’ve multiple uses for food.
And eating is merely,”
He sniffed cavalierly,
“The only one seldom done nude.”

It was bacon last year that was shining
as a showcased component of dining.
Now the tables have turned,
and the the pigs have just learned,
though we loved it before, we’re now whining.

Been living in Portland a year
And my waist has got bigger, I fear
Too many places to eat
Great food savory and sweet
Must be time for a diet, oh dear!

Note: this post is a complete re-write of the 2007 review – an extra 1500 words.

I’m going to stray off the topic of Toro Bravo for a bit, but to understand Spanish food, it helps to have a little understanding of the culture behind the food.

Spain tugs at something deep in my soul. Maybe it is because taste, music, and memory are so closely intertwined, but every time I hear flamenco, I flash back to a time over twenty years ago.

I was living in a small town in the Northern California wine country, where I frequented a “Sonoma Cuisine” restaurant just across from the downtown square.  I’d frequently drop by and sit at the long wood bar with a glass of wine, chatting with friends, and listening to the classical guitar player who entertained the diners. But it was after the restaurant closed that the real magic began.

Flamenco Dancer

Many nights a few local flamenco artists would drop by, the doors would be locked, and the guitarist, whose real passion was flamenco, would come sit with us. Tales of rousing gypsy adventures in Grenada and Cordoba were told.  After a few bottles of wine, the guitarist would strum a beat, someone would start singing, and before long feet would be stomping across the restaurant, raising dust from the cracks in the old wooden floor.

They taught me to appreciate flamenco by learning the complex rhythms and doing simple “palmas sordas y secas”, the practice of clapping along with the music to generate excitement or to encourage the performers. It wasn’t long before I learned some simple cantes libres, and after a fair amount of wine, would sing along. While I left those friends behind when I moved to Portland, I’ll never forget those hot summer nights, twilight streaming through the high windows, dust hanging in the air, the laughter, the flowing bright skirts, the lessons taught, and most of all, the passion for the music felt by my friends.

These experiences gave me an education in Spain before I ever went, because I learned the passion that is Spain. The depth of soul in the voices, and complexities of the rhythms, carry over into their lives. Visiting years later, I better understood the lifestyle and the food, because they go hand in hand. Spanish nights are long and passionate, a night out is more like a food tour and a marathon party, than a simple visit to a restaurant. Tapas or “small plates” are of course the mainstay of an evening on the town, and every bar is known for certain dishes. You might have a drink at one bar along with bacalao fritura (salt cod fritters), move to another for boquerones (fresh anchovies), another for cordero (lamb), and choose another for jamón (ham). It is all about the best dishes, a large circle of friends and favorite drinks, all intertwined: an explosion of life. It’s hard to come back home after experiencing the Spanish passion for living. ¡Así se canta!

For years the Spanish food scene in Portland was disappointing, because none of the tapas restaurants have been particularly good. Everyone seems to think they can churn out small plates of food and call them tapas. It wasn’t surprising, that by 2006, Spanish cuisine in Portland was slowly fading away. Then Toro Bravo, or the Brave Bull, burst on the scene, and judging by the crowds, Portland has never looked back.

Dining Room

It is rare for a restaurant to run a smooth kitchen, turn out such a terrific variety of good food on a consistent basis, and have excellent service. Toro Bravo manages to do all three. Owner and Chef John Gorham previously worked at Viande Meats and then Simpatica Dining Hall, where he garnered much praise for his special Spanish dinners. A few years later, John traveled around Spain, and brought back recipes, ideas, and the vision for what his restaurant would become. Like many of us who have visited Spain, he appears to be inspired by the depth and beauty of this fantastic cuisine.

The restaurant is in a turn-of-the-century building on North Russell Street, next to the Wonder Ballroom. The space is simple, yet refined – a recurring theme in both the food and décor at Toro. Tall ceilings and a wall of large windows create airiness in the interior. Deep orange-red walls and ceiling, coupled with wood planked tables and small intimate touches such as a fully stocked bookshelf at the reception area, lighting that is neither too dark and dramatic, nor too stark and harsh, and subtle art elements throughout, make for a comfortable and warm experience.

Even though the space is open, there are a variety of choices in seating arrangements that are comfortable for all kinds of moods and situations. Whether dining in a large party, or even solo, you will be comfortable. Options include the bar, where one might just drop in for a cocktail and a couple of tapas, chefs counter seating up front, the right side of which is perfect for watching the well orchestrated action in the open kitchen, several smaller tables for a date or group dining, and a couple of large communal tables. A little alcove on the side provides a coveted space to wait for a table to become available, and unless you time your arrival just right, you will be waiting. Get there early or late, as mid-evening tables are difficult to score. I’ve noticed that dishes are much slower out of the kitchen if you go early, as they are slammed with fifty tables all ordering small plates at once! One plus, you can wander upstairs to The Secret Society bar, which will let you know when your table in the restaurant is ready.

Basque Piperade with Duck Egg

The cuisine at Toro Bravo covers many regions in Spain, from the mountains and seas of the northern Basque area, to the distinct cuisine of Catalonia, which is the home of Barcelona, to the Moorish-influenced dishes of the South, though it is not a strict copy of any of them. Rather, John and company have decided some interpretations are more appropriate, and have chosen dishes that they know people will like, that can be prepared in their kitchen. Call it more Spanish inspired, rather than traditional Spanish. Most importantly, they seem to have chosen dishes that they love, which makes a huge difference in creating terrific food. The formula works, just don’t go expecting that perfect reproduction of a tapas bar you found on the beaten path during your holiday on the Costa Brava, or a copy of that well-known historic restaurant you once came across in Barcelona. This is not a Disney tourist version of the Spanish experience. Once you realize this, you can relax and just enjoy Toro for the good food and wine, relaxed and convivial atmosphere, and good company that it brings; for this is the essence of Spanish food.

The menu, which rotates items on and off on a regular basis, requires some thought to understand. It’s divided into Pinchos, Tapas, Paellas, and Desserts. The offerings are enticing, sometimes exotic, and varied enough that you may want to try them all, though the sheer number of choices makes it impossible. With a few caveats, plunge in and try things you might normally be drawn to. Pay attention to the type of dishes you order. It would be very easy to go for an overabundance of similar dishes, and leave the restaurant wondering what the fuss is about. Instead, be adventurous and grab items from every corner of the menu, and like a trip to Spain itself, you will be transported into another world.

As in Spain, food tends to fly out of the kitchen, and can quickly overwhelm the table. I order 2-3 dishes to start, and play it by ear from there. The terrific servers are more than happy to help with selections, and don’t seem to mind if you break things up. Go with a group of friends and pass the plates around; a good time is almost a guarantee.

There is a small but good list of mostly Spanish wines with normal markup, and they have an interesting choice of well-made and interesting house cocktails. Traditional sangria is available by the glass and pitcher, in both red and white wine versions. They are darn good – not too dry, not too sweet and when in season, filled with fresh fruit. Sherry is added in lieu of the more traditional brandy, or cognac that some recipes call for.

Sherry Chicken Liver Mousse

As noted above, the menu starts with pinchos (otherwise known in Basque as pinxtos), which are “little bites.” These are as simple as a bowl of salted almonds ($2), or more like Spanish “amuse bouche” of “French kisses” – brandy soaked prunes, stuffed with foie gras, wonderfully creamy, slightly sweet. They could easily substitute for a dessert ($2 ea). Another winner, griddled bacon-wrapped dates with warm honey. The result is complex, with the sweetness of the smoky dates, the meaty rich flavor of the bacon still tasting of the grill, and the warm honey, all combining to transport anyone who is familiar with the region right back to a cliff overlooking the Mediterranean ($2 ea).

I always order the wonderfully smooth and rich slice of chicken liver mousse, served with both soft bread and thin slices of crostini, and a little smattering of homemade pickled vegetables. The mousse is creamy and fine with just a tang of sherry ($7). They will bring you more bread if you ask politely. Other interesting pinchos include a marinated sheep cheese with rose-petal harissa and mint – definitely a Moorish-influence ($6). Be brave and order a plate of the fried anchovies with fennel and lemon. They are an unexpected delight; perfectly cooked, both the fried fennel and slightly sweet fried lemon give an interesting background flavor. On the side, one of my favorite sauces, a traditional Catalonia romesco which is typically made from nuts, garlic olive oil and a dried variety of red bell pepper, matches just right ($7).

In Catalonia in the spring, people get together to have large BBQs (sometimes whole towns do this as a festival), of grilled spring onions called calçots in Catalan. It is usually an all night feast of grilling, food, wine, song and dance and is a way to celebrate the start of spring after the long, dark, and wet winter in Catalonia. In the absence of calçots,  Toro Bravo uses leeks; simple and tender, grilled until soft, a nice accompaniment to balance out some of the richer offerings on the menu. They come with a piquant salbitxada (pronounced Sahl-bee-tcha-dah), a Catalan version of romesco with bread crumbs, almonds, tomatoes, peppers and other seasonings. It’s rather addictive ($4).

Radicchio salad with green olive toast & manchego vinaigrette

Under the tapas section, almost everything I have tried has been stellar. I like Singing Pig greens and Toro Bravo seems to use them as a regular supplier. During the spring, the greens are available with grilled asparagus in a large cold bowl, the vegetables crisp and fresh, lightly and perfectly dressed in simple vinaigrette. The portion is big enough to share for two or three people ($8).  In the winter, a salad of blood orange, arugula, red onion and espelette (a red pepper which is the cornerstone of Basque cuisine) gives a refreshing pause between courses ($8). Seared scallops with a more traditional Castillian romesco is a brilliant yet simple dish. Two large sea scallops, perfectly grilled, with a deep orange sauce were buttery and succulent, the romesco harmonizing just right without overwhelming. A week later the scallops were served in a white fennel sauce that was just as good ($13).

The tortilla Española (Spanish omelette) could be called the common unifying dish of Spain. When you’ve had a good tortilla with its layers of potatoes mixed with egg and onion, and slight saltiness, served at room temperature, you know why the Spanish often eat it at any meal. Unfortunately, the version at Toro Bravo is just ok. The potatoes need to be a little firmer for my taste, and the dish is slightly under-salted. ($7). A more successful choice, is Harissa stewed butternut squash with crumbled sheep’s cheese. This is a marvelous dish – salty, sweet, earthy and creamy, all balanced against the melting cheese oozing from the squash. I wouldn’t change a thing ($8).

Petrale sole with olives, capers, chiles, garlic & preserved lemon

Lamb rillets with apricots and honey showcase the Moorish influence on parts of the country like Seville and Granada. They arrive steaming hot in a Cazuela dish, a traditional thick ceramic which is built to insulate food ($14). Another satisfying dish is the lamb – a succulent small skewer of kebobs grilled Southern Spanish style with a cumin paste and perfect at medium rare. It’s a small portion, but very good; they hit the mark on this one ($7). Boquerones, fresh marinated anchovies loved throughout the country, and John Gorham’s version, served with piperade on thin slices of crostini, were a highlight – fresh and bright, the anchovies draped alluringly over the bread, giving the slightest taste of the sea, with layers of satisfying textures and tastes wrapping around each other. Though the thin bread used at Toro Bravo isn’t quite like the crusty thicker bread normally used in Spain, they are delicious ($6).

Moving on, prawns presented as “griddle shrimp with chilies” were spicy and succulent; three nestled together after being grilled in their thin shells. Eat them with your fingers, and you’ll be licking them to get every last bit of flavor ($9). Another great option is the salt cod fritters. These were some of the best I’ve had either stateside or in Spain. Small finger-sized nuggets, golden and crispy on the outside, creamy and succulent inside, with a deep cod taste missing in so many other versions. An aioli dipping sauce comes on the side. I would order them again and again ($8). Meatballs with tomato-almond sauce and peas hit all the right notes, providing unexpected earthy depth ($10), as do the surprisingly crisp, yet light and creamy oxtail croquettes with chili mayonnaise ($10).

There are so many bad versions of Brussels sprouts, many people are hesitant to try them. Here, combined with light dressing of sherry bacon cream, they are elevated to a new level. All the ingredients play nicely against each other ($7). Another one of my favorites is the spicy Bedouin-influenced Merguez North African sausages. The meat is moist, bursting with a complex combination of spices. They arrive with French fries which are just ok, harissa and sour cream ($13).

I once dated a woman from Peru, who decided it was her calling in life to teach me the mysteries of making good empanada. It’s an art keeping the dough thin enough to cradle the ingredients inside, without getting in the way of their flavor; try as I might, I never could get mine quite right. At Toro Bravo, though, they are perfect little pouches that fall away with the slightest crunch of teeth, revealing an unctuous, complex filling of lamb, mint and harissa. Don’t miss them ($8).

Paella Toro with chorizo, grilled chicken, shrimp, clams & mussels

Many Spanish restaurants are judged by the paella, and Toro Bravo has two types. Paella fideos is a great dish to order if you want to reach out and try some lesser-known regional Spanish specialties. Thin noodles called fideos, in lieu of the more typical rice used in most paella, are cooked with whole clams in shell and duck chorizo in a broth. This dish is big enough to easily feed three as a main. The magic of this paella, which is a specialty of the Valencia region, shows how a few simple ingredients can marry together to create a cohesive whole of textures and deep rich tastes creating pure comfort food. Toro Bravo’s version is satisfying, with a deep base of broth and duck sausage mixed with the sweet shellfish taste of the clams, and thin slices of red bell peppers cooked until soft and tender. The noodles help bind everything and soak up all the other ingredients without being either too dry or mushy. This is Spanish soul food encapsulated in one dish. Earth and Sea together in a rustic preparation, high quality ingredients; served with both restraint of technique and flare of presentation – wonderful for sharing ($21). The regular paella is broad, taking liberties with ingredients from different regions, full of chorizo, grilled chicken, shrimp, clams and mussels. It did have that nice saffron color and back taste that saffron brings, and the rice was properly cooked, but it was slightly under-seasoned, didn’t have enough saffron, and paled in comparison to what I’ve had in Spain ($19).

A few additional larger dishes are available, but in my experience, aren’t quite as good. An example is the house-smoked coppa steak. I’ve liked it in the past, but more recently, I was disappointed. It was very over-smoked, and salty to the point where it burned. Adding salty olives to the already over-seasoned dish didn’t help ($14).

Toro Bravo has a full range of Spanish-influenced desserts on the menu, in this case better than average. Hazelnut ice cream with a glass of sherry poured over it at the last minute, shows a full range across the palate – first the sweet, almost overwhelming taste of sherry, the hazelnuts rushing up to meet it as a perfect foil, the ice cream smoothing out the flavors and bringing them all together ($7). In Spain, churros are pretty traditional after a night of drinking, and I have happy memories of standing in a foggy street, munching on them trying to keep the night from ending. These are straight, as you’d expect to see in Madrid, and are better than average; the fluted dough is never oily, just slightly sweet and crunchy, balanced by warm bittersweet chocolate in a separate cup for dipping ($7).  The olive oil cake usually raises a few eyebrows of the uninitiated, but the first few bites push those worries away. It’s a comforting cake, lighter than you would expect, with a simple blood orange caramel once again playing with your senses as the components combine on your tongue ($6). Finally, a dessert of baked apples and pears with vanilla ice cream is just fine. It’s baked fresh, so takes a little time, and though it is a bit sweet for my palate, many people would find it satisfying ($7).

Spanish food is one of the world’s great cuisines, and although Spain has developed a high-end reputation in the past few years as the cradle of molecular gastronomy, everyday Spanish food is about quality and fresh ingredients, simply prepared. This is rustic food, meant for downing as tapas and accompaniments to glasses of Spanish Rosado or pitchers of Sangria. This is food to relax over, to nibble at, and to share with friends. I had dinner at the well known Piperade in San Francisco not too long ago, and though John Gorham’s food strays a bit farther from tradition, it compares favorably. The only thing missing at Toro Bravo is the strum of a flamenco guitar, and the dust rising under stomping feet, and the soul of Spain.

Highly recommended. If you are interested in learning more about this cuisine, I suggest “Pintxos”, by Gerald Hirigoyen. Here is a link to some flamenco videos. The cost of this review was about $260.00

Grade: B+

• Phone: (503) 281-4464. Reservations: only available for parties of 7 or more.
• Address: 120 Ne Russell St. Portland, OR 97212 Google Map
• Hours: Sun – Thurs 5 p.m. – 10 p.m., Fri – Sat: 5 p.m. – 11 p.m.
• Website: torobravopdx.com

On the other hand, it would probably be an easy way to get thrown out of a restaurant. Can you imagine the chefs face? “hmm… a little tumeric, some fenugreek…  FoodieSurvivalKit has them in different sizes for different cuisines.

There have not been many entries in the food limerick contest this year. Remember, the first prize is a $75.00 gift certificate from Accanto and a  $25.00 gift certificate from Bruce Bauer over at Vino Buys. Second prize $25.00 gift certificate to Story Teller Wine Company, and third prize is a $20 gift certificate to Laughing Planet Cafe.

It doesn’t take long,  just a bit of effort. Here are three I came up with in the shower this morning:

It may come as no surprise,
when you ‘cue you’ll get smoke in your eyes.
I’ve tried a hair blower,
but the flames just burned lower,
and I now have raw chicken with fries

I once knew a writer named Gerdy,
When she wrote, her reviews were quite wordy.
When it came to good food,
she snarled with a ‘tude,
And was stabbed by a chef before thirty

A chef, once had it made,
With his cooking he’d often get laid
Then his cupboards went bare,
and the girls fled the lair,
now it’s all he can do to get paid

Now surely you can do better than mine!

Scenario #1 – at home:

Why do I have to wait for some long flash file to load when I just want the address?

Why, once the file does load, do I have to dig through the entire site to find the address or hours? Why is this most basic information not on the front page? Why, if you even have a menu, is it listing the “late summer specials”, when I’m looking out the window at rainy winter day. Why am I being shown “Holiday Events”, when it is March? Is this rocket science? If you aren’t going to keep your events page updated, why have one? How about just putting “Sample Menu” instead of “November 2009″? I know blogs are all the rage right now, but why is your most recent entry eight months ago?

Scenario #2 – on my cell phone:

Why do 85% of restaurant websites only have flash? Let’s think about this. I’m downtown, wondering where I should go to eat. There is that little Italian place in northwest… is it open on Monday? Let me check… Oops! Their site only uses flash, which means it is inaccessible to most mobile phones.

Where are most people when they want to find restaurant information? When I’m out with friends looking for somewhere to eat. What do I use? A Cell phone!

Restaurants need to get a clue. Flash websites are pretty and cool (and I’m guessing expensive?), but, um, if Apple, html5 and Microsoft have anything to do with it, flash is dying, and isn’t likely to be supported on most mobile platforms (or anything else) in the future. At least pay your developer a little extra and give me a link to a “plain text” version.

Instead of trying to dazzle and lure us in with fancy websites, how about you just give us your address, phone number, maybe even a CURRENT’ish menu? Dazzle me with your food, not some damn music that comes blasting out of my speakers at 1am! I’m looking at you, Bluehour! Scared the hell out of the dogs.

Earlier tonight I had multiple windows open, with different music coming out of each one. Laughter and dishes clinking from , and a porn thump thump from the “sophisticated” Bluehour - it sounded like a freakin’ Roman orgy. The focus of the Saucebox website? The artwork. Seriously – pop-ups of all the artwork in the restaurant. If you looked really close at the bottom of the window, you could see tiny labels with “menu” and “kitchen”, neither of which show you anything about either one. Hovering over the menu section sends arty pictures zooming out at you while the bass track beats in the background. But then I forget – Saucebox isn’t really about the food, is it. I will give Bruce Carey Enterprises credit: once I gave up and closed the window, I realized all the information I wanted in the first place, was hiding on the front page, but, silly me, I clicked on “enter site” by mistake.

I like Kinara Thai Bistro, but the website is insane. Yes, there is a “skip intro” button, but it’s kind of like a car accident you have to look at. There are these weird orange snowflakes falling from the top, the logo fades in, the sign comes up from the bottom, a swing that says “now open” drops from the top and flashes… over and over… I can click  a button to skip the intro, but then it opens a new window with the hours and a bunch of different buttons, including one that doesn’t do anything. I click on “menu”, and get a page that says “click to see our menu”. Hello?! I just did that! I do it again, and I get a whole new browser window opening – except in Firefox, where nothing works right. Finally I’ve got the oh so cleverly hidden menu (if I have Acrobat installed), but have to dig back through three identically labeled tabs to try to figure out which one has the bloody phone number so I can call in my order. At that point I just need a drink!

At the Paley’s Place website, I get an invisible hand drawing a picture of the veranda, which is cool, but I really just want the hours. A soundtrack of conversation and, inexplicably, what sounds like cars and bicycles driving by entertains me for the time it takes to load. I’ve had lots of nice evenings on that veranda, but from this soundtrack I’m thinking dust and exhaust. There is a bit of text that says “click to skip intro”, which I do, frantically, until I realize they really mean I should click on the Paley’s sign above. By then it’s too late, so I wait… and wait… for the artwork to load, the sound of traffic lulling me to sleep, until, I finally get “click paley’s sign to enter” (not click here), but it’s on the other side of the page. Feeling like I’m playing a video game, I mouse back over there, click the sign, the front door opens with a loud, annoying squeak  (is this place haunted), the audio get’s much louder, and FINALLY I get an awesomely cool but impossible to see menu window (about 10 lines high), that  has a tiny scrolling thingy that is a pain to use. I can click on a different button, which loads a .pdf in another window, but with all this low conversation and the gentle roar of the traffic, all I really want to do at this point is to forget about dinner and take a little nap.

If I browse to the site on my iPhone I just get a message that my device needs to be upgraded. I cheated and put the direct url to the .pdf file, but it loaded halfway and crashed my phone. Froze it so badly I had to do a hard-reset before I could use it again.

Really Paley’s, I love you dearly, but your website pushes my last button.

“Those of you familiar with John’s brunch cooking from his Simpatica days should have some idea of what to expect… plus many more eclectic offerings that he has up his sleeve.

We expect the space to be ready around mid March for the Soft Opening run: Tuesdays through Saturdays, from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.

After ironing out the opening kinks we will have a Grand Opening Party and thereafter will be open 7 days a week:
– Mon … Fri: 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
– Sat & Sun: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Expect a follow-up mailer soon with dates for the soft opening and the grand opening party.

Kyle Prewitt, who has been with us at Toro Bravo for a long time, will be manning the stoves at Tasty n Sons, and will run the kitchen under John’s guidance, while John will continue as Executive Chef at Toro Bravo. Rebecca Finley, a 7-year veteran floor manager at Paley’s restaurant will manage the front of the house. Dori Prange, formerly of Toro Bravo and the Secret Society Lounge, will oversee the bar, with plenty of Bloody Mary selections to accompany the brunch.

We hope that this new project will contribute to the on-going evolution of Portland’s northeast neighborhood, which is home to John and many of our team members.”

Until we set up our Tasty n Sons website, you can follow related announcements in the opening message of the Toro Bravo site at www.torobravopdx.com

See you at Toro Bravo and soon at Tasty n Sons…

John, Courtney, Ron, and the rest of the crew

When I wrote the Steakhouse Roundup, one of my biggest complaints about Ringside, was the whole place smelled like mildew. The interior is also quite dated, and could use a thorough cleaning.

Now the rumor I mentioned a few weeks ago, is verified:  the owners have decided to make some major changes. They will be opening the restaurant in the Fox Tower space, across from the new and flashy Director Park, while the old location is renovated. Plans call for lots of additional square footage in both the dining room and the kitchen.

The current RingSide will move from their Nob Hill site on May 14th, and and open May 25th at the Fox Tower Location. The remodeled restaurant will reopen in early January 2011(!) with an additional 3,4500 square feet added to the restaurant. The kitchen will gain 2,000 square feet, and a new dining room which can be closed off for private functions will be 500 square feet. A new wine cellar will also be included. I would guess all this added space will be taken from the existing parking lot area.

Ringside also holds a long-term option for the  Fox Tower space.

The press release had all the drama one could possibly imagine for a restaurant opening:

WHAT: The RingSide Steakhouse will make a major announcement concerning the remodel and relocation of the venerable West Burnside restaurant.

WHERE: The announcement will be made at the Fox Tower, 805 SW Broadway, Portland, OR 97205 on the Mezzanine level overlooking Director Park.

WHEN: Thursday, March 4, at 2:30 p.m. The press conference will begin at 2:45 promptly. The participants will be available for live TV and radio interviews immediately following the in press conference.

WHY: This press conference will resolve rumors regarding the possible closing of the landmark RingSide Steakhouse West Burnside location during a remodel. Rumors also have been swirling regarding the plans for the restaurant space on the mezzanine level of the Fox Tower currently empty restaurant space.

Just get rid of the smell! Please! I like the old-school feel, so hope they don’t take its soul along the way.

Sad to say, hardly anyone showed up to the actually conference.

He’s added some staff that will allow him to expand from what he has been able to offer on the trucks. Chef Joe Anderson, formerly of Carlyle will be running the kitchen, and Joshua Palmer, the bar manager from Typhoon/Bo, will be running the bar.

More from the press release,

“The biggest surprise is that Koifusion@1 will also be the only place in Oregon serving KFC – Korean Fried Chicken. This spicy, crunchy fried chicken in a tangy sauce has a cult following in places such as New York City and Los Angeles, with specific restaurants dedicated to the dish and even several fan websites. The LA Weekly called KFC, “an evolutionary leap forward — marinated in a cabinet full of spices, saturated with garlic, double-fried to a shattering, thin-skinned snap.” We are excited to bring Korean Fried Chicken to Portland.”

In the typical DIY Ninja manner you’ve grown to expect from owner KoiFusion owner Bo Kwon, Koifusion@1 will be doing things a little bit differently than other restaurateurs. Rather than taking full ownership, he’s simply taking over the day-to-day operations of SOLO.

They are currently in the soft opening phase, and will open fully to the public the second week of March.

New Cascadia Traditional

Hot Cinnamon Rolls

This is a completely gluten-free bakery offering breads, pastries and cookies. New Cascadia sells at the Portland Farmers Markets, but they also have a new storefront cafe near SE Hawthorne with coffee, tea and other beverages. Cookies include peanut butter chocolate, ginger lemon, and a vegan chocolate chip version. Pastries include things like fruit pies, cinnamon rolls, cupcakes and brownies. Whole cakes are available by special order.

NewCascadiaTraditional.com

• 1700 SE 6th Avenue (at SE Market), Portland OR. 97214
• Phone: 503-546-4901

Northwest Sweets

More of a petite atelier than a vast emporium, expect a mixture of old fashioned penny candies shelved alongside a few more sophisticated treats. Portland’s resident candy expert, and sometime contributor to this site, Joanna Miller, gave an extensive review to this newcomer here. Indeed, proprietor Steve Gazda seems to have an equal opportunity sweet tooth; taffy and bottle caps sit next to red wine enhanced dark chocolate turtles, classic pâtes de fruits, and soft chewy caramels in a variety of exotic flavors.

NWSweets.com

• 740 NW 23rd Ave., Portland OR. 97210
• 503-360-1350.

Nuvrei

Nuvrei Bakery

Nuvrei sells wholesale to many of Portland’s fine cafes and restaurants, so you might already be familiar with their brioches, chocolate chew cookies, and Wild Berry Danishes. Yet, Nuvrei also has a tiny little storefront located in a Pearl District basement. Orders can be placed, including special orders for cakes by calling ahead. Look for the bakery hidden below street level on NW 10th st. You’ll know you are there by the odor of baking pastry.

www.Nuvrei.com

• 404 NW 10th Avenue, Portland OR. 97209
• (503) 546-8430

Papa Haydn

Triple Chocolate Torte

A venerable Portland dining institution, Papa Haydn is a full restaurant that is most well known for their huge selection of desserts. Desserts are available for carry out, and are often from the ooey-gooey chocolate and dairy rich school of pastries, but hey there’s nothing wrong with that. Expect a large selection of New York style cheesecakes, panna cotta, and crème brulee alongside Dobos torte, Cassata cake, and a variety of cream and fruit pies. Whole cakes are available for order with 24 hours advanced notice, and they do offer an extensive custom wedding cake service.

www.PapaHaydn.com

• 5829 SE Milwaukie Ave, Portland OR. 97202
• (503) 232-9440

• 701 NW 23rd Ave, Portland OR. 97210
• (503) 228-7317

Pearl Bakery

Palate of Macarons

These pioneers have been baking artisan breads, cakes and other pastries since 1997 in Portland’s Pearl district, when the area was still a gritty semi-warehouse district. As the neighborhood grew upscale, they’ve expanded the cafe offerings over the years to include soups and sandwiches, but the baked goods still hold court. Alongside croissants, scones and cookies, look for their signature Gibrassier – a traditional treat from Provence made from a sugar dusted brioche-type bun infused with anise. Other specialties include Parisian macaroons, several types of tarts and layer cakes, and a rare sighting in Portland bakeries, traditional Gateau Basque, which is really a crumbly double crust tart stuffed with pastry cream and cherry preserves.

www.PearlBakery.com

• 102 Northwest 9th Ave, Portland OR. 97209
• (503) 827-0910

Petite Provence

Petite Provance Cake

Petite Provence has three formidably sized locations in the Portland area, and one in the Dalles, making them more Grande Provence than Petite. And even though this self-proclaimed boulangerie and patisserie has an extensive menu more suited to a restaurant, including sandwiches, soups, salads and full breakfast, they do indeed offer a huge selection of pastries. Look for French favorites such as croissants, pain aux raisins, and palmiers alongside more Yankee sweets such as Bear Claws, fruit turnovers and coffee cakes. Dessert pastries are indeed quite Gallic though, including Chocolate Mousse, Strawberry Charlotte, and a classic apple and salted butter caramel Tart Tatin. Custom catering orders and wedding cakes are also available.

Provence-Portland.com

• 15964 SW Boones Ferry Road
  Lake Oswego, OR 97035
  Tel: 503 635 4533

• 1824 NE Alberta
  Portland, OR 97211
  Tel : 503 284 6564

• 4834 SE Division
  Portland, OR 97206
  Tel : 503 233 1121

Piece of Cake Bakery

Wedding Cake

This bakery in the Sellwood neighborhood runs the gamut from elaborate tiered fantasy wedding and other cakes, to basic desserts, cookies, and other treats. Cakes come in a huge amount of types and flavor combinations. These include standards such as carrot, lemon poppy seed, and Devil’s Food, alongside oatmeal cake, apple rum, berry, and chocolate peanut butter. They even provide options such as sugar free, vegan, and gluten free. You name it, they can probably make it. Living up to their namesake, Piece of Cake has all of their cakes for sale by the slice, while whole cakes come to order in several sizes. Pies include fruit versions as well as a signature Key Lime. Cupcakes, brownies, and tiramisu round out the offerings. This is not a place to visit if you are claustrophobic –  it is jammed from counter to ceiling with sample cakes, cake decorations and other bakery accouterments such as bride and groom toppings, ribbons and boxes. They do wedding cakes and custom orders, of course.

• www.pieceofcakebakery.net
• 8306 Southeast 17th Ave., Portland OR. 97202
• (503) 234-9445

Pix Patisserie

Amêlie

Pix is the Parisian princess of the Portland sweet shops, showing up in international guidebooks and is a de facto stop for many visiting guests and locals alike. Part quirky late night “date” bar serving champagne and other cocktails, part daytime cafe with the usual fixings, and part dessert shop, the funky French thrift store decor and late night hours only add to the vibe. Yet, Pix is also a serious patisserie and chocolatier featuring classic small pastry offerings such as Dobos torte, Gateau Opera, Macarons, and various creative creams, cakes and tarts. Their signature Amelie once won the Patis France Chocolate Competition. It is made with orange vanilla crème brûlée atop a glazed chocolate mousse, caramelized hazelnuts, praline crisp, and Cointreau génoise.  Chocolates include house soaked kir cherries covered in dark chocolate  and a variety of infused, stuffed and flavored selections. Pix also makes their own ice-creams.  The original location on SE Division is quite small and often packed with nearby Reed College students, while the north Williams location is a bit more of a mixed crowd and roomier. Look for special events at both locations such as their prix fix dessert dim sum, spirit and dessert pairings, or kitschy movie nights.

www.pixpatisserie.com

• 3402 SE Division St., Portland OR. 97202
• 503-232-4407

• 3901 N Williams Ave., Portland OR. 97227
• 503-282-6539

Random Order

Fresh Blueberry Muffins

Random Order is a neighborhood cafe that makes cakes and other baked goods, and also sources from bakeries such as the Pearl Bakery. Yet when it comes to house made pies, this is where Random Order really shines. Expect a dozen or so choices on any given day, including Banana Rum cream pie, Vanilla Apple Salted Caramel, or Oregon Cherry. Random Order has a full liquor license and is open till around 11 pm,  making it a perfect stop for an end of the evening Spanish Coffee and a slice of Chocolate Cream pie, or a warm up with a glass of champagne and a slice of Marion Berry pie before a night on the town. Pieces available by the slice, or whole pies are available upon special order. Contact them for details.

www.RandomOrderCoffee.com

• 1800 NE Alberta, Portland, Oregon
• Shop: 503.331.1420
• Kitchen: 971.340.6995

Sahagún

Caramels at Sahagun

Owner Elizabeth Montes is one of the Portland pioneers in our region’s burgeoning artisan chocolate scene. Read Food Dude’s classic love letter to Sahagun, or an excellent interview with Montes here. Montes is serious about her craft and philosophy which is to, “…devise a way to slow people down hoping to prolong their chocolate experience and to resurrect the appreciation for an anciently worshipped food whose luster had been tarnished by decades of a low quality, over-sugared and preservative-laden imposter.” Sahagun certainly lives up to that statement- chocolates here are dark, complex and intense in both classic and surprising flavor combinations (chilies are a favorite addition). Sahagun’s most well-known chocolate is the creamy caramel – an explode-in-your-mouth concoction of salty liquid caramel surrounded by a dark chocolate shell. Other treats include ‘Sun Drops’, described as “little bittersweet spheres gushing with Sunflower Seed Butter and Raw Blackberry Honey”. The little storefront on a hard to get to one-way street off West Burnside is worth the hunt – it’s here you’ll find one of the most adult and complex hot chocolates in town, as well as other offerings such as their iced chocolate, made with creamy coconut milk in lieu of dairy. Mail is order available.

www.SahagunChocolates.com

• 10 NW 16th Ave., Portland, OR 97209
• 503-274-7065

St. Cupcake

Hot Fudge on Vanilla

One of the first cupcake-specific businesses in Portland to capitalize on the nation’s cupcake craze, several years later this bakery, now with two locations, is still going strong. While some cupcakeries feel the need to focus on mile high fluffy frosting or supersized versions, St. Cupcake honors the cupcake’s humble history while adding on their own signature flair. Even simple vanilla gets high honors here – moist and covered in sprinkles with butter cream or cream cheese frosting, it’s a classic. Other flavors include Red Velvet, Hot Fudge on Chocolate, and the Fat Elvis – a banana chocolate chip pound cake cupcake topped with salty-sweet peanut butter fudge and a banana chip. Several vegan cupcakes are also available. Special orders can be called in or ordered online – and St. Cupcake does offer deliveries for larger orders.

www.SaintCupcake.com

• 407 Northwest 17th Avenue (at Flanders), Portland, OR. 97214

• 3300 SE Belmont, Portland OR. 97209

• (503) 473-8760

St Honore Boulangerie

Chausson au Pomme

A quintessential Parisian style cafe-bakery-patisserie, or at least an American fantasy version of one. We’ll let you be the judge of St. Honore’s quality and authenticity, but feel free to read our hotly debated review from 2007. A variety of croissants, brioches and other classic French sweet breads share space with tarts, custard flavored Canelets, and Chouquettes – sugary, puffy baked pastry balls made from buttery pate á choux dough. Desserts include several French classics such as Eclairs, Napoleons, fruit and pastry cream filled Mille Fleurs, and the like. A great selection of sandwiches and salads are also available, making this a great place to end a hike in Forest Park.

www.SaintHonoreBakery.com

• 2335 Northwest Thurman Street, Portland, OR 97210
• (503) 445-4342

• 315 1st St Lake Oswego, OR 97034
• (503) 445-1379

The Sugar Cube

This cart has had a couple of fits and starts since it opened over a year ago, as well as a recent relocation from downtown to a bustling “food cart pod” on North Mississippi St. Yet, the Sugar Cube continues to make fans for well regarded owner and pastry chef Kir Jenson’s haute couture baked goods. Expect to find Escoffier quality from this little gem of a trailer with recent items such as a passion fruit creme brulee, or a much-better-than-most brownie sprinkled with fleur de sel and/or caramel. The Sugar Cube is especially well loved for its moist, and witty, cupcakes. Look for the My Goodness My Guinness, a rich chocolate cupcake enhanced with Guinness beer and vanilla cream cheese frosting, or the Amy Winehouse, a boozy citrus-infused Harvey Wallbanger cake complete with a “coke” straw and sugar dusted straight-to-rehab topping. Do call before making a trek to visit, it’s a one person operation here and opening hours seem to fluctuate.

www.thesugarcubepdx.com

• 4237 N Mississippi Ave, Portland OR. 97217
• (503) 890-2825

Sweets Etc.

Billing itself as “Portland’s largest old fashioned candy store”, Sweets Etc. does indeed have row upon row of American and European penny candies, including 15 different types of liquorices, and a large selection of gummis – you know, those bears, Swedish fish, cola bottles and the like. Yet, this store in the heart of Multnomah Village also has a sophisticated side, carrying items from many specialty domestic and foreign chocolatiers such as Michel Cluizel from France, Caffarell from Italy, and Ke Kau Chocolatier from Eugene. Handmade fudge, truffles and bon-bons are made in store. Looking for that unusual German candy you once had as an exchange student, or that crumble candy bar you remember from your English grandmother? Then ask them, on the odd chance they don’t carry it, they can probably help track it down.

www.SweetsEtc.com

• 7828 SW Capitol Hwy, Portland OR. 97219 (in Multnomah Village)
• 503-293-0088

Sweet Masterpieces

Duets & Towers

Mostly known as a chocolatier, Sweet Masterpieces is also a storefront cafe in the heart of the Pearl District serving thick drinking chocolates and a variety of espresso beverages. They make a selection of desserts such as cheesecakes (including a vegan version), tortes, flavored brulees, alongside muffins and cookies. The blue cheese chocolate truffle and chocolate seafoam seem quite popular amongst their chocolate selections, while other standards such as chocolate cherry cordials round out the offerings. Mail order available online.

• www.SweetMasterpieceChocolates.com
• 922 NW Davis St, Portland, OR 97209
• (503) 221-0055

Sweetpea Baking Co.

Fresh Baked Cookie

100% vegan, Sweetpea offers standard bakery fare, sans animal products, including cakes, cupcakes, cookies and other pastries. Boston Cream Pie, Banana Peanut Butter, Chocolate Decadence, Lemon Chiffon are but a few of the flavors. They can make cakes, gluten free in many cases, and can make some baked goods soy free as well. Custom orders, including wedding cakes, are available. The storefront is also a cafe offering soups, sandwiches and coffee/espresso beverages.

www.sweetpeabaking.com

• 1205 Southeast Stark Street, Portland OR. 97214
• (503) 477-5916

Tulip Bakery

Donut Holes

Once upon a time in most American cities the term “bakery” conjured up images of places like Tulip – simple linoleum floored and florescent lit storefronts selling basic breads, row upon row of cookies, sticky buns, and custom cakes with fancy frosting and cursive writing. Located in the St. Johns neighborhood, Tulip Bakery is one of a few of its type left in Portland, but continues to provide the neighborhood with coffee cakes, seasonal items such as hot cross buns, and yes, cookies and cakes. This bakery is indeed cute – look for their whimsical seasonal window displays and a fancy vintage neon sign above the door. Do look past the design though, to try one of their freshly made maple bars made with real maple. Cash only, just like the days of yore before there were debit cards and ATM machines.

• 8322 N Lombard Street, Portland OR 97203
• (503) 286-3444

Two Tarts

Peanut Butter Creams

Two Tarts bakery is probably best known for their silver dollar sized cookies including Hazelnut Baci stuffed with dark chocolate ganache, peanut butter or cappuccino creams, and intense little chocolate chews. Although the sizes look better suited to a doll’s tea party, these cookies pack a lot of flavor into small portions. Two or three are more than enough to satisfy. Available at many Portland cafes, Two Tarts also has their own comfortable storefront bakery and cafe with menu additions such as zingy lemon bars, “Tart Crispies” made from organic crispy rice and their own house made marshmallows drizzled with chocolate, and a chocolate chip and fleur de sel chocolate chip cookie that has developed a cult following. Mail order available – call them for details.

www.TwoTartsBakery.com

• 2309 NW Kearney, Portland OR 97210
• (503) 312-9522

Van Duyn

Van Dangos

In business since 1927, this is what many might consider to be a good old fashioned upscale chocolatier in the Belgian tradition. Chocolates come wrapped in fancy gold foil boxes, and are filled with various flavored chocolate covered fruits, cordials, nuts, caramels and creams. Truffles are a specialty, as are homemade nut brittles and seasonally available penoche -an incredibly rich version of fudge made with brown sugar, butter, milk and nuts. Mail order available online.

Lloyd Center

• 1212 Lloyd Center, Portland OR 97232
• (503) 281-2421

Quimby Place

• 2360 NW Quimby, Portland OR 97210
• (503) 227-1927

Back in July of 2006, I ran a “Food Limerick” contest. It turned out to be one of the most popular contests ever. Thanks to some generous sponsors, I’m going to have a 2010 contest!

A good limerick is not an easy feat. The first two lines come easy enough, but the next aren’t quite so easy. Pay careful attention to the examples below. For that reason, I’ll make it worth your while.

The prizes, you ask? How about a first-prize of a $75.00 gift certificate from Accanto and a  $25.00 gift certificate from Bruce Bauer Bruce Bauer over at Vino Buys in Sellwood? Second prize $25.00 gift certificate to Story Teller Wine Company? Third prize $20 gift certificate to Laughing Planet Cafe? Enough to make it worth while?

This year, the prizes will all be awarded on March 17th; Saint Patrick’s Day!

You’ve all heard limericks at one time or another; I’m sure we all learned the dirty ones when we were ten. Now it is time to put those memories to work.

Here are the rules:

Keep in mind, a limerick has to fit a certain rhythmic meter and rhyme. For example:

A: What is a limerick, Mother?
A: It’s a form of verse, said brother
B: In which lines one and two
B: Rhyme with five when it’s through
A: And three and four always rhyme with each other

Some entries from 2006:

“There’s a hair in my soup!” complained Shirley
to the head waiter, short bald and surly;
“You know, I’m appalled…”
“Ma’am, the whole staff is bald…”
“Yes I know, but the hair’s short and curly!”

You go to a place like Castagna
And order the spinach lasagne
Six pinots later
You flirt with the waiter
And most of it just ends up on ya.

Sweeney ordered a simple crab Louis;
What arrived was an herbed ratatouille.
So he sniffed, turned his head,
Grabbed a lighter, and said,
“Time for waiter flambé, with Drambuie.”

There once was a gourmet of mystery,
Who hid his identity and history
His reviews women read
And swooned in their head
Thinking thoughts that were very non-sisterly

Murmured Wolfgang in tones most appealing
As he poured the food critic’s Darjeeling,
“I’m an Iron Chef, miss…”
He leaned in for a kiss
is equipment now hangs from the ceiling

I said to my girlfriend, “Don’t hurry.”
When she went to Bombay’s for the curry,
but after the fall
and a card from Bengal
I’ll tell you – I’m starting to worry

The rules: All entries must be original. They must be related to food. They must be reasonably clean and in good taste. A panel of judges will narrow down the winning list, the prize will be picked by a vote of readers. Knock yourselves out!

You’ve all heard limericks at one time or another; I’m sure we all learned the dirty ones when we were ten (did they all involve France?). Now it is time to put those memories to work.

You can see more entries ffrom 2006 here.

A final note: I’m dealing with a family emergency in the land of the In ‘n Out Burger. (I don’t care what the problem is, one has to eat!) Anyway, I’m in a weird spot, that doesn’t have internet or cell service. On the bright side, I can walk with my laptop to the beach, where there is internet. It’s all kind of freeing, actually.

Thanks to a terrific reader who is running the site, comments are being moderated, but if there is any question as to the content, he won’t put them through right away.

Thanks again to all of our sponsors who make entertaining contests like this possible!

Perhaps her long tenure with previous publisher Fred Stickel had her feeling pretty secure, but Mr. Stickel’s replacement, Christian Anderson, seems to be changing much of the direction the paper is going.

My sources tell me much more of the day-to-day writing will be done by freelancers – a significantly cheaper option for the newspaper, as they will no longer need to worry about things like benefits and paying a living wage.

Karen Brooks was once the dominant reviewer in the Portland market, with wonderfully written reviews, back before most newspapers devoted much of a budget to them. With the O’s increasing use of freelance writers, her star has faded somewhat over the years, but she still wrote an occasional review, and broke a lot of food news. I am sure many will miss her (despite the things she may have said behind their backs).

My condolences to laid off staffers. New jobs in the newspaper industry are difficult to find.

The reality is that the economy has tanked over the past few months. That’s not news. And as I’m sure you’re already aware, joblessness is increasing rapidly. Unemployment rates all over the country are skyrocketing. What that means is that there are a lot of people in need…the Oregon Food Bank set a record for food distribution in 2008-09; according to CEO Rachel Bristol, OFB distributed more food last year than it ever has in its history. That’s pretty incredible. (see the full news release here).

I’m privileged enough to never have had to rely on food stamps or a food bank for a meal. But my feeling is that if there are a bunch of people out there suffering, I’m going to work on making it right. Our community isn’t whole if there is a big divide between the haves and have-nots. We’re all in this life together. That’s why I’m pitching in, and I hope you’ll think about it too.

You’ve probably already given money to relief efforts in Haiti, and if you’re in Oregon you may have just pledged to OPB in their recent public radio pledge drive. This is one more thing – yes – but it’s an important thing.

Please – give if you can. You can donate by clicking here, on the graphic, or on the logo on the right side of the site.

note: when donating, please add the note “blog for food” in the “In Honor of” section on the Food Bank donation page, so that we can track our totals.

Portland Food and Drink will be donating, and I hope you will too.

Portland is well-known for great beers, coffee, and quality European style artisan breads, yet we also boast a very large choice of sweet shops, patisseries, chocolate purveyors and chocolatiers. For visitors or locals, here is our guide. Although this list doesn’t include everyone in the Yellow Pages, it does cover many of the more popular spots. If we’ve missed your favorite, let us know and we’ll investigate, and add them to future updates. We aren’t focusing on ice-cream shops or bread bakeries here, we’ll save those for another time.

Best,

Cuisine Bonne Femme/Food Dude

Alma Chocolate

Icons - Rich dark chocolate with 23k gold leaf

In the past five years of business, chocolatier Sarah Hart, who started from a small table at the Farmers Market, has become what French Elle Magazine named as ‘one of the Up and Coming Young Chocolatiers in the United States’. You can read the Portland Food and Drink interview with Sarah here. Alma’s signature icons, made from solid, dark single origin chocolates, in shapes such as traditional South American religious figures, the Hand of Fatima, and even an anatomically correct heart, are all dusted with edible gold. Dozens of bon-bons in creative flavors include a spicy Thai Peanut Butter Cup (one of my favorites), Salted Lavender Caramel, and a Chèvre and Black Pepper covered in dark ganache. Other items include toffee, barks and house-made candy bars. Mail order chocolates are available online, while the storefront features a small café with espresso drinks, hot chocolate, and homemade cookies and cakes. A rotating selection of local art for sale graces the walls, while chocolates from smaller chocolate makers (such as Portland based Lulu’s Raw Chocolate Alchemy) are also available.

• www.almachocolate.com
• 140 Northeast 28th Avenue, Portland map
• (503) 517-0262

Baker and Spice

Baker & Spice Pies

A successful bakery in the suburbs-meet-the-city Hillsdale area, Baker and Spice is one of the most popular bakeries in suburbs of SW Portland . You can read Portland Food and Drink’s extensive write-up Baker and Spice here.

• www.bakerandspicebakery.com
• 6330 SW Capitol Highway, Portland. Map
• 503.244.7573

Bakery Bar

photo credit: cafemama

Lentil Kielbasa Soup, Lemon Cupcake, at The Bakery Bar

The Bakery Bar is best known for their whimsical, yet modern cakes. This is the place to go if you want a formal, tiered, lemon-poppy seed wedding cake, decorated with old school tattoo designs, or a banana-bourbon cake, designed in the form of a circus tent. Yet Bakery Bar also makes small pastries, including cupcakes, several flavors of scones (the fennel-golden raisin is a favorite), delicate cookies, tarts and the like in upscale flavors. A recent menu sample included Earl Grey tea shortbread, Chocolate Chunk Peanut Butter Toffee Blondies, and coconut crème puffs. They’ve even started dabbling in the ice-cream business, creating items like house-made chai ice cream sandwiched between Chocolate Crackle cookies. Both shop locations are also full cafés serving soups, sandwiches and espresso, while the NE Glisan St. location will soon serve an array of beer, wine and cocktails.

• www.bakerybar.com
• 1028 SE Water Ave, Portland, Map; (503) 546-8110
• 2935 NE Glisan St., Portland. Map; (503) 477-7779

Cacao

photo credit: OpalMirror

Chocolate Drinks at Cacao

One of Portland’s most extensive and knowledgeable chocolate shops, Cacao rivals the best of the best. We’ve waxed poetic about the wonders of Cacao before, and even the NY Times has taken note, calling Cacao “…where chocolate prêt-à-porter meets chocolate haute couture…”. With chocolates from some of the world’s leading chocolate makers, such as Vosges, Fran’s, and Cafe Tasse, alongside up-and-coming locals such as Xocolatl de David, it’s hard to disagree. The jewel case near the front counter features a rotating selection of individual pieces, while tables and shelves are stacked with bars of all sorts. The staff is knowledgeable, and can help pair you with a chocolate for your taste buds, or they will find absolutely the right chocolate for use in a specific dessert. Cacao is also a café worth lingering in. Their selection of thick European style drinking chocolates comes in your choice of traditional dark chocolate, a spiced version, or a lighter type. They are a decadent but affordable pick-me up, at less than $3.00 for a small, but very filling cup. Mail order is available by phone or email.

• www.cacaodrinkchocolate.com
• West End: 414 SW 13th Ave., Portland.  Map
• Heathman Hotel: 712 SW Salmon St., Portland. Map
• Phone 503-241-0656

Cork – A Bottle Shop

The Chocolate Shop at Cork

Although technically a wine store, Cork also sells a well-chosen variety of olive oils, salts, and yes, a growing variety of chocolates. Portland chocolatiers Alma Chocolate and Sahagún products are available here, as well as other well-known and obscure makers from near and far such as Chuao, Bonnat, and Lille Belle Farms. Cork is one of the few wine shops in Portland to specialize in pairing wine with chocolates, and they can help steer you to the best chocolates to serve with one of their wine, champagne or port selections.

• www.corkwineshop.com
• Eastside: 2901 NE Alberta St., Portland. Map Phone: 503.281.2675
• Westside: 1715 NW Lovejoy St., Portland. Map Phone: 503.501.5028

Crema

photo credit: Raymond Brigleb

Sunlight and Coffee - Crema

This café/bakery is almost always busy. It’s gone through a few changes over the years, but continues to provide a bevy of house-made baked goods. It’s a large, bright and cavernous space that can also be painfully loud at times, but no matter. When the weather is fine the large garage doors open to the street, reminding Portlanders why we put up with 6 months worth of gray and rain each year. Expect scones, croissants and other breakfast type pastries, alongside cheddar corn biscuits, bread puddings, and a very popular chocolate bread.

• www.cremabakery.com
• 2728 Southeast Ankeny Street, Portland. Map
• Portland, OR 97214-1847
• (503) 234-0206

Cupcake Jones

photo credit: OpalMirror

Cupcake Jones

Cupcakes! Located in Portland’s Pearl District, specialties include items such as the Velvet Painting – white velvet cake filled with vanilla bean pastry cream, topped with vanilla bean butter cream icing and a white chocolate pearl, or the Downtown Cupcake Brown – devil’s food cake filled with sour cream chocolate ganache, topped with fresh grated dark chocolate.

• www.cupcakejones.net
• 307 Northwest 10th Avenue, Portland. Map
• (503) 222-4404

JaCivas

photo credit: Intrepidation

Ja Civas

JaCivas is one of Portland’s older gourmet pastry and chocolate shops, and for many Portland families, this is still the de facto place to go for birthday or wedding cakes, and other special occasion treats. Napoleons, chocolate lava cakes and tortes sit alongside handmade chocolates, including candied and dipped orange peels, various flavored truffles, and all kinds of bon-bons.

• www.jacivas.com
• 4733 Southeast Hawthorne Blvd., Portland. Map
• (503) 234-8115

Ken’s Artisan Bakery

Ken's Artisan Bakery

Known mostly for their artisan breads, Ken’s also makes a variety of pastries. Mostly in the French tradition, expect things like croissants, cannelés, brightly-colored macaroons, and seasonal fruit tarts. American-style baked goods include pound cakes, Valrhona chocolate chip cookies, and flaky, sweet, orange Morning Buns. This café is a popular spot on bustling NW 21st. Expect long lines and hectic service during the morning rush and especially on the weekends.

• www.kensartisan.com
• 338 NW 21st Ave, Portland. Map
• (503) 248-2202

Little T Bakery

photo credit: Intrepidation

Little T Bakery

A newcomer to the pastry scene, this café/bakery opened in June 2008 and has already gained a legion of fans for their French baguettes, other breads, and pastries. I’ll just let a sample of their menu do the talking:

SWEET

Stumptown mocha chew cookie

spiced walnut brownie

orange date bar

pound cake

prune cognac tart

salted caramel cream puff

shortbread ganache sandwich cookies

BREAKFAST

croissant

chocolate praline croissant

fresh fruit turnover (currently pippin apples)

orangiata (citrus brioche with grand marnier)

oat + date scone

baked currant doughnut

cranberrry crumb cake

banana bread

drop biscuit with lemon curd

See what I mean? Just get over there and try them for yourself.

• www.littletbaker.com
• 2600 Southeast Division Street, Portland. Map
• (503) 238-3458

Lovejoy Bakers

Chocolate Chip Cookies at Lovejoy Bakers

A recent post on the Lovejoy Bakers Blog read, “Light, Airy, Buttery, Goodness.” Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Baked in the Viennoiserie style, this means baked goods here are in the classic patisserie tradition of feather-light croissants, creamy éclairs, and a very addictive hazelnut caramel tart. Scones are textbook British with the addition of things like crystallized ginger or dates. American treats include rich moist coffee cakes, muffins, and Walnut Cinnamon Gooey-Buns. This is also a full service café serving breakfast and lunch alongside espresso and coffee.

• www.lovejoybakers.com
• 939 NW 10th Avenue, Portland. Map
• Phone: (503) 208-3113

The Meadow

Chocolates at The Meadow

Although internationally known for their large choice of specialty salts, The Meadow is also florist, wine and gift shop combined, and carries a fine selection of chocolates. A wide variety of international and domestic artisan producers are available, including several local chocolatiers such as Sahagún. They also carry caramels, and have launched their own line of different flavored salted chocolates, such as Iburi Jio Cherrywood Roasted Salt on 75% São Tomé dark chocolate, or another covered in Moshio Seaweed Salt. Mail Order Available Online.

• www.atthemeadow.com
• 3731 N. Mississippi Avenue, Portland. Map
• Tel: 503-288-4633

Moonstruck Chocolate Co.

photo credit: Ben Golub

Moonstruck Chocolates

Before terms like Cacao Percentage or Nibs made it into Portland’s culinary vocabulary, there was Moonstruck. Moonstruck began in the early part of the 1990s chocolate truffle craze, and has continued to expand into the Portland area. Making “Oprah’s Favorite Things” list, has increased their popularity even more. The chocolates are high quality; but don’t expect bitter-sweet single-origin dark chocolates here. This is the place to go for smooth and sugary truffles made with a wallop of local Clear Creek Pear Brandy, Bunny shaped milk chocolate versions with almond “ears”, or the Wild Huckleberry – a milk chocolate shell stuffed with white chocolate ganache and huckleberry preserves. Moonstruck also makes a few solid bars and caramels, and a variety of “goo-goo clusters” with nuts, creamy caramel and chocolate shells. The store locations serve coffee, hot chocolates and some specialty drinks such as chocolate-chai. Note: the flagship downtown store on SW Alder is not for the claustrophobic. The customer area is only about 10 feet long x 6 feet wide, making it a mad house if more than three people are there at the same time. Mail Order Available Online.

• www.moonstruckchocolate.com
• See website for locations
• Phone: (800) 557-MOON

Click here for part two!

Well, he’s got one pretty good restaurant. Maybe this one will be good too.

For those wanting press releases posted: I have done my best to find and assign thumbnail photos to each post, and have incorporated logos where I can find them. If you want to send one in, I will keep it in my files, and do my best to remember to associate it with your posts.

Finally, I want to thank all the people that write in with news tips, article links etc. I really appreciate it when someone takes the time to drop me a note.